By Christina, USA

In mid-May of 2021, Jen, our leader, had me write an evaluation of Laura. She said Laura was arrogant, self-righteous, and always passing judgment on leaders and workers. She was not a right person. Jen’s evaluation of Laura was different from my own. When I’d interacted with Laura in the past, she hadn’t been as Jen had said. But I worried that if I told the truth, Jen would say I lacked discernment and would get a bad impression of me. Then she might not assign me important projects in the future. So I bent to Jen’s will, went along with her appraisal, and said Laura was arbitrarily judging others. Not long after, Laura was replaced. Later on, I found out that Laura had reported Jen for failing to do actual work and being a false leader, which led Jen to suppress and punish her by claiming she was passing judgment on leaders and workers. Jen was eventually exposed as a false leader and replaced. After I heard about this, I thought back on my behavior in writing the evaluation and felt regretful. By reading God’s word and reflecting on myself, I realized I had been willing to lie and go along with condemning Laura to make a good impression on the leader. I was truly lacking in humanity. The more I reflected, the more disgust and hate I felt toward myself. I thought about writing an essay on this failure to share with the brothers and sisters as a warning. But I had my worries. I thought, “If I write all about my corruption and wrong motives during the evaluation, what will the brothers and sisters think of me? If they look down on me and spurn me, my reputation will be reduced to nothing, and I’ll be too ashamed to show my face before them again.” I also thought about how Laura used to be pretty close with me, often confiding in me if she was having issues. What would she think if she found out that evaluation of mine had been done with a corrupt disposition? Would she be disappointed in me and cut off contact? If the upper leadership found out, would they say I had poor character and assign me to a different duty? Thinking of all this, I felt just awful. I’d done something truly shameful and it was hard to talk about it. I didn’t want to face up to what I’d done; I just wanted to move on. I didn’t want to write about it.

Afterward, I started to think the matter over. Why wasn’t I willing to mention this failure? Why wasn’t I willing to open up and lay myself bare? What corrupt disposition was constraining me? One day, while watching an experiential testimony video, I saw a passage of God’s words: “Regardless of the context, no matter what duty they do, an antichrist will try and give the impression that they aren’t weak, that they are always strong, full of faith, and never negative, so that people never see their real stature or real attitude toward God. In fact, in the depths of their heart, do they really believe there is nothing they cannot do? Do they genuinely believe that they are without weakness, negativity, or revelations of corruption? Absolutely not. They are good at putting on an act, adept at hiding things. They like showing people their strong and splendid side; they don’t want them to see the side of them that is weak and true. Their purpose is obvious: It is, quite simply, to keep face, to protect the place they have in people’s hearts. They think that if they open up before others about their own negativity and weakness, if they reveal the side of them that is rebellious and corrupt, this will be grievous damage to their status and reputation—more trouble than it’s worth. So they would rather die than admit to having times when they are weak, rebellious, and negative. And if a day does come when everyone sees the side of them that is weak and rebellious, when they see that they are corrupt, and have not changed at all, they will still keep putting on an act. They think that if they admit to having a corrupt disposition, to being an ordinary person, someone who is insignificant, then they will lose their place in people’s hearts, will lose everyone’s worship and adoration, and thus will have utterly failed. And so, whatever happens, they will not open up to people; whatever happens, they will not give their power and status to anyone else; instead, they try as hard as they can to compete, and will never give up” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Ten)). From God’s words, I learned that antichrists are good at putting on an act. They don’t want anyone to see their dark side, and they don’t open up about their corruption and rebelliousness. They also always avoid speaking about their failures and errors, instead putting up a positive, tenacious and impressive facade to win people’s respect and a place in their hearts. I realized that what I had done and revealed was no different from an antichrist. I had come to recognize my corrupt disposition in my going along with the false leader in condemning Laura, but I wasn’t willing to open up to everyone, because this was a failure. If I made my motives and corruption during that time public, then everyone would see how I lacked discernment and caved easily. I was afraid everyone would look down on and spurn me, and I might even lose my duty. I saw how I prized reputation and status over practicing truth and being honest. I simply didn’t love the truth or positive things. Rather, I loved reputation and status, and was adept at putting on an act, just like an antichrist. I was a deceitful person.

Later, I came across two more passages of God’s words: “Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has faults and flaws. And actually, everyone has the same corrupt disposition. Do not think yourself more noble, perfect, and kind than others; that is being utterly unreasonable. Once people’s corrupt dispositions and the essence and true face of their corruption are clear to you, you will not try to cover up your own mistakes, nor will you hold other people’s mistakes against them—you will be able to face both correctly. Only then will you become insightful and not do foolish things, which will make you wise. Those who are not wise are foolish people, and they always dwell on their minor mistakes while sneaking around behind the scenes. It is disgusting to witness” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). “What kind of disposition is it when people always put up a front, always whitewash themselves, always put on airs so that others think highly of them, and cannot see their faults or shortcomings, when they always try to present their best side to people? This is arrogance, fakery, hypocrisy, it is the disposition of Satan, it is something wicked. Take members of the satanic regime: No matter how much they fight, feud, or kill in the dark, no one is allowed to report or expose them. They are afraid that people will see their demonic face, and they do everything they can to cover it up. In public, they do their utmost to whitewash themselves, saying how much they love the people, how great, glorious and infallible they are. This is the nature of Satan. The most prominent feature of Satan’s nature is trickery and deception. And what is the aim of this trickery and deception? To hoodwink people, to stop them from seeing its essence and true colors, and thus achieve the aim of prolonging its rule. Ordinary people may lack such power and status, but they, too, wish to make others hold a favorable view of them, and for people to have a high estimation of them, and elevate them to a high status in their hearts. This is a corrupt disposition, and if people do not understand the truth, they are incapable of recognizing this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). From God’s words, I realized that no one is perfect; we all have deficiencies, can make mistakes, and reveal our corrupt dispositions. People who truly have humanity and rationality can properly confront their deficiencies and issues. After doing wrong, they’re able to face their mistakes and seek the truth to resolve their corruption. The disingenuous and deceitful are those who, after making mistakes or revealing their corruption, can’t face up to their problems or admit their errors, always putting on an act to cover up their true self, making their character appear unblemished. I had been deeply corrupted by Satan and was beset with all manner of corrupt dispositions. It’s normal to experience deviations and reveal corruption. Even if I didn’t open up, those corrupt dispositions would still be hidden within, so wouldn’t I still be a corrupt person? When I made my evaluation of Laura, I went along with the false leader in judging and condemning Laura to maintain my image in the eyes of the leader; there was no denying this. If I were a person with humanity and rationality, I’d have faced up to this issue, revealing to the others how I’d displayed corruption, how I’d been exposed and judged by God’s words, and what I’d learned about my corrupt disposition, so that everyone could see the real me. But I’d always put on a false front after displaying corruption, hoping to safeguard my reputation and image in the minds of others. How shameful and disgusting I was! I always thought that if the corruption I’d revealed was just a small issue—an obvious corrupt disposition that was common among many people—then even if I opened up, it probably wouldn’t damage my reputation too much, so I could lay myself bare before people. But this time, I’d gone along with a false leader in condemning someone. This was a serious transgression—it wasn’t an easy thing to bring up. It would show people that I had poor character and was undignified, and severely damage my reputation. So I wasn’t willing to open up. Instead, I played mind games with others, keeping silent about it—I was truly deceitful! Only then did I realize that my unwillingness to open up about my corruption was not only a sign of my vanity and pride, but it also betrayed my hidden deceitful and evil satanic dispositions.

Afterward, I continued reflecting on this problem and I read this passage of God’s words: “When something happens, they may not speak up or express any view lightly, but always stay silent. This does not mean that they are reasonable; on the contrary, it shows that they are quite well disguised, that they have things hidden, that their shrewdness runs deep. If you do not open up to anyone else, can you open up to God? And if you are not genuine, even with God, and cannot open up to Him, can you then give your heart over to Him? Certainly not. You cannot be one at heart with God, but are keeping your heart apart from His! Are you able to open up and say what’s really in your heart when fellowshipping with others? If someone always says what’s truly in their heart, if they speak honestly, if they speak plainly, if they are sincere, and not at all perfunctory while performing their duty, and if they can practice the truth they understand, then this person has a hope of gaining the truth. If a person always covers themselves up and conceals their heart so that no one can see them clearly, if they give a false impression to deceive others, then they are in grave danger, they are in great trouble, it will be very difficult for them to gain the truth. You can see from someone’s daily life and their words and actions what their prospects are. If this person is always pretending, always putting on airs, then this person is not someone who accepts the truth, and they will be revealed and eliminated sooner or later” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). God revealed how those that put up a false front can’t face their own problems, don’t open up when they make mistakes, and always cover them up by deceiving others. Their hearts are closed off. Such people are particularly evil—they are outright deceitful. God likes honest people and detests those who are deceitful. Deceitful people will be eventually exposed and eliminated. I used to think putting up a false front was just a sign of coveting reputation and status, and didn’t mean one was like an evildoer or an antichrist that commits evil deeds, disrupts church work and harms others. I didn’t think it would lead to being eliminated. But from God’s words I realized that these were all just my notions and imaginings and that I had a distorted view of things. I’d ignored my conscience in condemning Laura along with the false leader, thus abetting an evildoer. God was already well aware of my transgression, but I wasn’t willing to bring it up after the fact, and tried to keep up a pretense to win the admiration of others. This revealed that I didn’t love the truth and hadn’t truly repented. I didn’t practice the truth and even dealt in deceit and trickery: What would keep God from detesting me? If I kept this up, I’d certainly be exposed and eliminated. Through reflection, I saw how failing to practice honesty and not opening up has severe consequences. I felt quite scared and so I wanted to hurriedly turn things around.

Later, I came across more of God’s words: “You must be able to reflect and know yourself. You must have the courage to open up and lay yourself bare in the presence of the brothers and sisters, and fellowship your true state. If you do not dare to lay bare or dissect your corrupt disposition; if you do not dare to admit your mistakes, then you are not in pursuit of the truth, much less are you someone who knows themselves” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Irrespective of what duty people perform, or what they do, which is more important—their vanity and pride, or God’s glory? Which should people choose? (God’s glory.) Which are more important—your responsibilities, or your own interests? Your responsibilities are what is most important, and you are duty-bound to them. … When you practice according to the truth principles, there will be a positive effect, and you will bear testimony to God, which is a way to bring shame upon Satan and bear testimony to God. Using various methods to bear testimony to God and to make Satan see your determination to rebel against and reject Satan: this is shaming Satan and testifying to God—it is something that is positive and in line with God’s intentions” (God’s Fellowship). From within God’s words, I found a path of practice. Whatever corruption we reveal or mistakes we make, we should be brave enough to admit them, open up, and dissect our corrupt dispositions in fellowship with others. This is the way to cut ties with Satan, use real actions to shame Satan, and bear testimony for God. It demonstrates true repentance. Regardless of whether our vanity, pride, reputation and status take a hit after opening up, we should rebel against ourselves to practice the truth and prioritize bearing testimony for God. In my evaluation of Laura, I’d contradicted facts and gone along with a false leader in condemning her. Through this experience, I’d gained some understanding of my corrupt disposition. I knew I should open up and lay myself bare before the brothers and sisters. That was what I should do. If I failed to open up before everyone in order to protect my vanity and reputation, and was unable to bear witness to the lessons I learned from reading God’s word, I’d be falling for Satan’s plot and lose my testimony. Also, I previously had this fallacious notion that discussing my failures was shameful and was not a kind of testimony. Afterward, I understood that so long as I could let go of my vanity and pride, not be tied down by my corrupt disposition, open up in fellowship about my failure and truly repent, this was indeed a kind of testimony. Once I realized this, all my worries went away.

After that, I opened up in fellowship to everyone about my experience and, to my surprise, the brothers and sisters said: “Hearing about your experience is quite helpful. We also often reveal the same kind of corrupt disposition, except we don’t notice promptly and it goes unnoticed. Your fellowship about how you recognized your corruption and gained an understanding of its essence through the judgment and revelation of God’s words has been very edifying for us.” Later, the brothers and sisters fellowshiped with me on two passages of God’s words. They helped me gain a deeper understanding of the essence and consequences of my not evaluating people objectively. Failing to objectively evaluate people is the same as falsely accusing or framing them; it is a form of exclusion and suppression. If I arbitrarily condemn someone and it causes them to become negative, or a false leader uses that condemnation as grounds for punishing someone, preventing them from continuing in their duty, and hampering their life entry, then I have committed evil. I also gained a clearer understanding of which principles one must practice when evaluating people. Later on, when Laura found about all this, she didn’t think badly of me; if I went to her with questions, she answered me just as sincerely as before. Neither did the church reassign or dismiss me. These results entirely upended my original notions and imaginings. I felt incredibly ashamed. This all made me much more aware of God’s faithfulness and righteousness. As long as we practice according to God’s words, we’ll have a path. Thanks be to God!