By Rena, the Philippines

In June 2019, I accepted God’s new work, and after a while, I started watering newcomers. Some newcomers thanked me a lot after I helped them, so I was very proud, and felt that I was well suited to watering work. Later, I took on another newcomer, and initially I watered and supported her diligently. I discovered that she understood things well, progressed very quickly, and that the experiences and understanding she fellowshiped on at gatherings were good. I felt that she would quickly surpass me, and that when that happened, the leader would ask her to water all the other brothers and sisters, and I would no longer be needed. When this occurred to me, I didn’t want to water her properly anymore, so I only discussed a few external things with her. One time, the leader asked me about her, saying, “We need more waterers right now, do you think that she’s suitable for cultivation?” I didn’t want her to be cultivated, because her caliber was so good, and I feared that she would become a church leader in the future and hold a higher position than me. So I told the leader, “I lack discernment on this. Maybe you can look into it more.” When I heard that the leader had gone to speak with her, I felt very jealous and afraid. I often thought to myself, “Maybe she’ll get cultivated and promoted, and even take my place.” At that time, the church was partitioned, so we were in different churches. A few months later, I learned that she had become a church leader. Although I congratulated her and said that I was happy for her, deep down, I was jealous of her. I thought to myself: “How did she become a leader so fast, while I’m still a waterer?” I was very upset and I started working hard to water the newcomers, because I wanted to prove to my leader that I was fit to be a church leader too.

Later on, I was also elected as a church leader, but I still felt jealous when I saw that others were better than me. One time, I was discussing how to support and help newcomers with the other leaders and deacons, and the gospel deacon shared her thoughts on the matter. The upper leader thought that her ideas were good, as did the group leaders, so we tried supporting and watering the newcomers according to her suggestions. It was very effective and the newcomers were all really willing to come to gatherings and take up duties. This made me a little jealous, and I thought, “The gospel deacon is better than me. I have to improve myself and learn more.” Later, I asked her how long she had been doing her duty for, and I was very shocked when she told me that it had only been six months. I felt really ashamed—it had been two years since I had accepted Almighty God’s work, and I had been a believer longest out of everyone in the group, but I was still like a beginner who lacked ideas. After that, I always compared myself to her. When I saw that she was competent at her work, that she always had good methods and paths for carrying out different kinds of church work and got results, I envied her even more. I thought, “If she keeps getting such great results in her work, and always comes up with good ideas during work discussions, the upper leader will see that she’s competent and that she has good caliber, and she’ll train her to be a church leader. Won’t that mean that she’ll take my place?” Once, she didn’t come to a gathering because she was busy with other work, and she asked me afterward what we had learned at the gathering. I really didn’t want to tell her, so I just said that I had forgotten. Later on, I noticed that the upper leader often fellowshiped with her, but rarely did so with me, and this made me very angry. I thought, “If you don’t talk to me, then I won’t do my duty!” At the time, I wanted to change to a duty where I could be looked up to by others. I thought that if I could preach the gospel effectively, the brothers and sisters might think highly of me, so I started preaching the gospel and pushed the work of watering newcomers to one side. The upper leader sent me a reminder that I needed to understand and solve the difficulties of newcomers promptly, and I replied, “Sure, I’ll talk to them later.” But I only cared about preaching the gospel, and I didn’t contact the newcomers at all. Their problems weren’t resolved in time, and they stopped gathering normally. Before long, the upper leader sent me a message to ask why the newcomers weren’t gathering and whether I had encountered some difficulties, and I told her about my situation. She fellowshiped with me, “You are the church leader, and you are responsible for all the work of the church, especially watering newcomers. This work is very important. You can’t be perfunctory or muddle through it.” I cried after hearing that. I felt very wronged that she hadn’t noticed my efforts to preach the gospel at all.

Later, I began to reflect on the attitude I had toward my duty. The whole time, I had been worrying that the newcomers would be better than me, and not wanting them to surpass me. In order to maintain my status, I hadn’t watered the newcomers properly—especially those with good caliber. I also hadn’t encouraged them to do their duties. I wasn’t fulfilling my responsibilities at all. I thought of God’s words: “Some people always fear that others are better than they are or above them, that other people will be recognized while they get overlooked, and this leads them to attack and exclude others. Is this not a case of being envious of people with talent? Is that not selfish and despicable? What kind of disposition is this? It is maliciousness! Those who only think about their own interests, who only satisfy their own selfish desires, without thinking about others or considering the interests of God’s house, have a bad disposition, and God has no love for them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). “Right now, all of you perform your duties full-time. You are not constrained or tied down by family, marriage, or wealth. You have already emerged from those things. However, the notions, imaginings, knowledge, and personal intents and desires that fill your head remain completely intact. So, when it comes to anything that involves reputation, status, or an opportunity to shine—when you hear that the house of God plans to nurture various kinds of talented individuals, for example—every one of your hearts leaps in anticipation, each of you always wants to make a name for yourself and to step into the spotlight. You all want to fight for status and reputation. You are ashamed of this, but you would feel bad if you don’t do so. You feel envy, hatred, and make complaints whenever you see someone stand out, and think that it is unfair: ‘Why can’t I stand out? Why do other people always get the spotlight? Why is it never my turn?’ And after you feel resentment, you try to repress it, but you cannot. You pray to God and feel better for a while, but when you encounter this sort of situation again, you still cannot overcome it. Is this not a manifestation of an immature stature? When people are caught in such states, have they not fallen into Satan’s trap? These are the shackles of Satan’s corrupt nature that bind humans” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s word precisely revealed my state. I hated when others were better than me or surpassed me. When I met newcomers who understood things well and had good caliber, I feared that they would surpass me and take my place, so I didn’t want to water them properly, or want the leader to cultivate them. Particularly when I worked with the gospel deacon, and saw that her preaching was effective, that she always made good suggestions, and that the upper leader always went to her to discuss work, I envied her, secretly compared myself to her, and wanted to make the upper leader value me by preaching the gospel. I only thought about my own status and the high opinion of others. I wasn’t fulfilling my responsibilities as a leader at all. I felt very ashamed. I was supposed to water the newcomers properly so that they could quickly lay a foundation on the true way, but I hadn’t given any consideration to God’s intentions. I had only thought of my own reputation and status and I hadn’t diligently watered and supported the newcomers, which resulted in them not attending gatherings normally. I was doing evil! I began to reflect on what goal I was pursuing in my duty. Was I doing my duty to satisfy God or for my own interests? If I had been thinking of the work of the church and trying to satisfy God, then I would have wanted to train more people to perform duties. But I hadn’t done that. Instead, I had envied and suppressed talented people, hoping that the leader wouldn’t notice them. I realized that I had been doing my duty entirely for the sake of my own position and interests. I was so selfish!

Later, after a sister learned about my state, she sent me a passage of God’s word: “Some people believe in God but do not pursue the truth. They always live by the flesh, coveting fleshly pleasures, always sating their own selfish desires. No matter how many years they believe in God, they will never enter into the truth reality. This is the mark of having brought shame to God. You say, ‘I haven’t done anything to resist God. How have I brought shame upon Him?’ All of your ideas and thoughts are wicked. The intents, goals, and motives behind what you do, and the consequences of your actions always satisfy Satan, make you its laughingstock, and allow it to get something on you. You have borne none of the testimony that a Christian should. You are of Satan. You bring shame to God’s name in all things and you do not possess genuine testimony. Will God remember the things that you have done? In the end, what conclusion will God draw about all of your actions, behavior, and the duties that you have performed? Does something not have to come of that, some sort of statement? In the Bible, the Lord Jesus says, ‘Many will say to Me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, and in Your name have cast out devils, and in Your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess to them, I never knew you: depart from Me, you that work iniquity’ (Matthew 7:22–23). Why did the Lord Jesus say this? Why did so many of those who preached, cast out demons, and performed many miracles in the name of the Lord become evildoers? It was because they did not accept the truths expressed by the Lord Jesus, they did not keep to His commandments, and they had no love for the truth in their hearts. They only wanted to exchange the work they had done, the hardships they had endured, and the sacrifices they had made for the Lord for the blessings of the kingdom of heaven. In this, they were attempting to strike a deal with God, and they were trying to use God and trick God, so the Lord Jesus was sickened by them, hated them, and condemned them as evildoers. Today, people are accepting the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, but some still pursue reputation and status, and always wish to distinguish themselves, always wanting to be leaders and workers and to gain reputation and status. Although they all say that they believe in God and follow God, and they renounce and expend for God, they do their duties to obtain fame, gain, and status, and they always have their own schemes. They are not submissive or loyal to God, they can run amok doing evil without reflecting on themselves at all, and so they become evildoers. God loathes these evil people, and God does not save them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). Reading this passage of God’s word touched me deeply. The evildoers that God speaks of aren’t nonbelievers. They are people who believe in God, who follow God, expend themselves for God, who go to preach the gospel and work in various places, and suffer some hardship, but they do their duties for the sake of their own prestige and status, to be looked up to by others, or to obtain rewards and a crown. They aren’t capable of being loyal to God, and they can’t practice the truth and submit to Him, so the Lord Jesus said: “Depart from Me, you that work iniquity” (Matthew 7:23). I thought about how I’d believed in God for two years, given up my studies to do my duty in the church, and suffered and paid a price, and yet my intent had never been to satisfy God. I just wanted to be the best in the church, and to make the brothers and sisters and the leader think highly of me. That’s why I worked so hard to distinguish myself. Everything I had done was to satisfy my own desires, and I had been living in a corrupt satanic disposition. None of the things that I had done were good deeds—they were evil deeds. I had been performing my duty with the wrong intent and motivation, which would only invoke God’s disgust and hatred. If I kept going on like that, I would only be spurned by God. When I recognized this, I felt afraid. I wanted to repent, and to not be jealous of my brothers and sisters anymore, so I prayed to God to ask for His guidance.

One day, I found the courage to open up about my corruption to the leader. Instead of rebuking me, she fellowshiped about her own experience to help me. She also sent me a passage of God’s words: “As a church leader, you do not merely need to learn to use the truth to resolve problems, you also need to learn to discover and cultivate people of talent, whom you absolutely must not envy or suppress. Practicing in this way is beneficial to the work of the church. If you can cultivate a few pursuers of the truth to cooperate with you and do all the work well, and in the end, you all have experiential testimonies, then you are a qualified leader or worker. If you are able to handle everything according to the principles, then you are committing your loyalty. … If you are truly capable of showing consideration for God’s intentions, you will be able to treat other people fairly. If you recommend a good person and allow them to undergo training and perform a duty, thereby adding a person of talent to God’s house, will that not make your work easier? Will you not then be showing loyalty in your duty? That is a good deed before God; it is the minimum conscience and reason that those who serve as leaders should possess. Those who are capable of putting the truth into practice can accept God’s scrutiny in the things they do. When you accept God’s scrutiny, your heart will be set straight. If you only ever do things for others to see, and always want to gain others’ praise and admiration, and you do not accept God’s scrutiny, then is God still in your heart? Such people have no God-fearing hearts. Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and begin by contemplating whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been loyal, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things. If you think about them frequently and figure them out, it will be easier for you to perform your duty well. If you are of poor caliber, if your experience is shallow, or if you are not proficient in your professional work, then there may be some mistakes or deficiencies in your work, and you may not get good results—but you will have done your best. You do not satisfy your own selfish desires or preferences. Instead, you give constant consideration to the work of the church and the interests of the house of God. Though you may not achieve good results in your duty, your heart will have been set straight; if, on top of this, you can seek the truth to solve the problems in your duty, you will be up to standard in the performance of your duty, and, at the same time, you will be able to enter into the truth reality. This is what it means to possess testimony” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s word states the principles of practice very clearly. As a church leader, one must put the work of the church first. When they adopt the right attitude, it is easier for them to do their duty well. I also understood that having faith in God means considering God’s intention in everything, accepting God’s scrutiny, and not taking into account what other people think. If I wanted to satisfy God and become a competent leader, I had to give up my status, reputation, and interests. I had to find talented newcomers worth cultivating, and help them to do their duties and prepare good deeds. That was the only way for me to fulfill my duty. God is fair to everyone. He does not look at our caliber or our status, He looks at whether we can pursue and practice the truth. If I did my duty according to God’s requirements and the truth principles, and always considered how to do my work in a way that benefited the church’s work, then even if my caliber was a little poor, God would still enlighten and guide me to perform my duty well. After I understood God’s intention, I prayed to God to repent and say that I was willing to rebel against the flesh, practice the truth, and fulfill my duty to satisfy Him.

After that, more and more newcomers began accepting God’s work in the last days, and the leader asked me to train more watering staff. I started to worry again that the newcomers I cultivated would take my place, and that the leader wouldn’t value me anymore. Then I realized that I shouldn’t keep thinking of my pride and status, and that I had to consider the work of the church. I prayed to God and recalled some of His words: “As a church leader, you do not merely need to learn to use the truth to resolve problems, you also need to learn to discover and cultivate people of talent, whom you absolutely must not envy or suppress. Practicing in this way is beneficial to the work of the church. If you can cultivate a few pursuers of the truth to cooperate with you and do all the work well, and in the end, you all have experiential testimonies, then you are a qualified leader or worker. If you are able to handle everything according to the principles, then you are committing your loyalty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). As a church leader, it was my responsibility to train newcomers to perform their duties, and it was the responsibility and obligation of every believer to do a duty. I needed to cultivate more newcomers into waterers. More and more newcomers were coming to accept Almighty God, and if I didn’t cultivate anyone to water them, then the newcomers wouldn’t be watered promptly, their life entry would suffer, and the work of the church would also be affected. So I chose four newcomers who understood things well, trained them to be group leaders, and let them take turns hosting gatherings. I also frequently reminded them and helped them to water the other newcomers. By cooperating like this, not only were the newcomers watered quickly, I also had more time to focus on the overall work of the church, and the effectiveness of the work gradually improved. I was very happy to see the newcomers make progress little by little and begin performing their duties. I felt at ease, and I gained a little more understanding of God’s words. It’s just like God’s words say: “If you recommend a good person and allow them to undergo training and perform a duty, thereby adding a person of talent to God’s house, will that not make your work easier? Will you not then be showing loyalty in your duty? That is a good deed before God; it is the minimum conscience and reason that those who serve as leaders should possess” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). It is entirely because of God’s words that I have gained this understanding, and have some practice and entry in my duty. Thank God!