By Li Xinyu, China

On the morning of July 28, 2007, during a gathering with a few brothers and sisters, police kicked open the door to the home in which we were gathering and came charging in. A fat officer holding a stun baton yelled, “No one move or we’ll break your legs!” The police officer’s vicious attitude enraged me and I replied, “On what basis are you arresting us? We believers conduct ourselves well and walk the right path.” The National Security chief cut in harshly, saying, “You say believing in God is walking the right path? Believing in the CCP is the only right path! We at the National Security Brigade are specifically tasked with catching believers in God. We’ve been spending sleepless nights in stakeouts for days just to catch you. Of all the things you could be doing, you had to devote yourself to believing in God!” Then, with a wave of his hand, he signaled his inferiors to begin searching the house. After completing the search, they handcuffed us and took us to the provincial public security bureau for individual interrogation.

As soon as I entered the interrogation room, the National Security chief slapped me several times across the face, which led me to become dizzy and distended in the head, my ears rang, my vision went dark and I could taste blood in my mouth. Immediately after that, four other officers who were standing to the side came charging over and began kicking and punching me. After a while, the National Security chief took a puff from his cigarette and pointed at me saying, “Judging by the look of you, you’re either a leader or an important member of your church. If you tell us what we want to know, we’ll let you go, but if you don’t, don’t blame me if I don’t treat you so nicely.” He also said, “Based on your body type, I’m guessing you won’t be able to take much torture. Just tell us: Who is your leader? Whose home is the church’s money located at?” I didn’t say a word, but just silently and continuously prayed to God in my heart, asking Him to be with me and give me strength. I resolved that no matter how the police tormented me, I would not be a Judas and betray God. Seeing that I wasn’t saying anything, the National Security chief flung his cigarette on the ground and, with a motion of his hand, yelled, “Have at him! Beat him to death!” With that, several police officers began viciously beating me again. They then handcuffed my hands behind my back, pulled my pants down to my calves, took off my socks and stuck them in my mouth so that I couldn’t scream, and then stuffed my head into my pants. The officers then took turns punching and kicking me and laughing heartily as they did so. There were also female officers watching on from the side that were laughing so hard they had to rest themselves on the table by their side. The officers were fooling with me like an animal and I felt incredibly humiliated. It was July and inside the interrogation room it was also extremely hot—in no time, my clothes were soaked with sweat. Blood oozed from cuts where I’d been kicked by the officer’s leather boots, and the blood and sweat mixed together in the cuts, causing sharp pain. I also had several hematomas on my head from being punched. An officer then grabbed me by my hair and slapped me across the face before violently shaking my head left and right. Through gritted teeth, he growled, “Are you gonna talk or not?” I said, “I don’t know anything!” He became enraged, grabbed my handcuffs and violently yanked my arms up behind my back. The pain in my arms felt like they had been broken and they made popping sounds as they were twisted. The handcuffs cut through the skin on my wrists, which began to bleed. Each time they yanked my arms up, the pain was nearly unbearable and I continually prayed to God in my heart, asking Him to give me faith and allow me to stand firm in my witness for Him. Seeing that I was suffering badly, the National Security chief sadistically mocked me, saying, “What’s the matter? I told you that you wouldn’t be able to bear the torture. Stop holding out and start talking! Who is your leader? How do you communicate? Whose house is the money stashed at?” I didn’t respond to him. The fat police officer then kicked me in the calf, which immediately caused me to fall, kneeling to the ground. He then forced me to hold my arms out straight before placing a thick book on my hands. After kneeling for a while, I just couldn’t take it any longer and fell to the ground. The fat officer pulled me up, forced me to kneel again and began whipping my fingers with a wooden chopstick. Each time he whipped me, there was a searing pain in my fingers. As he beat me, he yelled, “How about this? Not so nice, is it? Why don’t you ask your God to come save you!” When he said that, all the officers broke out in guffaws. Their laughter enraged me and I cursed those demons in my heart. My legs were black and blue from kneeling and hurting as if it was being cut by a knife. Six of my fingers were bruised from the beating. Several months later, the fingernails on those fingers fell off.

At around 5 p.m., the police sent me to a detention center and, before leaving, specifically instructed the staff there, “Feed him only a small steamed bun and a bowl of soup. Let him have a nice long think about what he’ll tell us tomorrow.” They then locked me up in a small cell of less than 10 square meters. There were over ten other people locked in that cell and it was dirty and stinky. There were only two wooden planks placed on the ground and they were both claimed by the cell boss. I remember that during that night, I cowered in a corner of the cell, hungry and thirsty and suffering from a headache, distention in my head and searing pain on my face. I thought to myself, “They beat me so viciously today and didn’t get any information from me. I wonder what they’ll do to me tomorrow. If they keep torturing me, will I become crippled or die? If I become a cripple, how will I live the latter half of my life?” The more I thought, the weaker I felt and so I hurriedly prayed to God for help, “Oh God! I just can’t take much more of this torture, but I don’t want to be a Judas and betray You. Please help me, give me strength and protect me so that I can stand firm in my witness for You.” Just then, I recalled a passage of His words: “Do not be discouraged, do not be weak, and I will make things clear for you. The road to the kingdom is not so smooth; nothing is that simple! You want blessings to come to you easily, do you not? Today, everyone will have bitter trials to face. Without such trials, the loving heart you have for Me will not grow stronger and you will not have true love for Me. Even if these trials consist merely of minor circumstances, everyone must pass through them; it’s just that the difficulty of the trials will vary from one person to another” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 41). Pondering over God’s words, I realized that God had permitted me to go through this suffering to test me. He was helping me harden my resolve in the face of suffering. In the past, before I had been arrested, I always thought I had faith in God and would be willing to satisfy Him no matter how much suffering I had to go through. Yet, I had just been tortured and tormented for one day and I was already living in timidity and fear, worrying I’d be crippled or killed. Where was my true faith in God? My stature was still too small. After realizing God’s intention, I didn’t feel as timid or afraid and was willing to rely on God to stand firm in my witness for Him.

On the second day, the police took me to the National Security Brigade for further questioning. The chief pointed at me and said, “You better be well-behaved today! Do you have an answer to the questions I asked you yesterday?” I said that I didn’t know anything. He became enraged and grabbed me by the hair, before slapping me across the face while yelling, “Let’s see who gives way first, you or my stun baton! Have at him! Beat him to death!” Five officers then came over and began kicking and punching me. One officer stomped on my back and forcefully handcuffed my hands behind me, causing great pain as my arms were twisted backward. The pain was so great that I very soon broke out in a sweat. A fat officer took a stun baton and waved it around, the baton crackled with electricity and he then shocked me twice with it. The shocks caused me to convulse and I couldn’t help but scream. The chief took the opportunity to try to persuade me, saying, “If you tell us who your leader is and whose house the money is located at, I’ll let you go right away. Your wife, children, and parents all need you to take care of them. Even if you don’t care about your own well-being, you should at least think for your family.” This caused me to waver a bit. I thought, “If I continue to refuse to say anything, they will certainly beat me to death. Maybe I can just give them some less important information and they’ll let me go home.” Then, I suddenly thought of God’s words: “Toward those who showed Me not the slightest loyalty during times of tribulation, I shall be merciful no more, for My mercy only extends so far. I have no liking, furthermore, for anyone who has once betrayed Me, much less do I like to associate with those who sell out the interests of their friends. This is My disposition, regardless of who the person may be” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God’s words instantly awakened me. I had almost fallen for Satan’s plot. If I betrayed God and sold out my brothers and sisters due to heeding my fleshy feelings toward my family and coveting temporary leisure, I would be a God- and friend-betraying Judas, the kind God most hates. This would offend God’s disposition and I would be cursed and punished. I was grateful for the enlightenment of God’s words, which enlightened me and protected me from Satan’s plot. I prayed to God, saying, “Oh God! No matter if they cripple me or kill me, I will never betray You and will not become a disgraceful Judas.” After prayer, I felt more at ease and less miserable. When faced with the officer’s interrogation, I sternly and righteously replied, “Believing in God is perfectly natural and justified, reasonable and legal, on what basis have you arrested me? Our country’s constitution clearly stipulates that citizens have the right to religious freedom. Where is the religious freedom in my being tortured to death by you due to my faith?” Hearing this, the officer became enraged and yelled, “The claim of religious freedom is just something we say to satisfy foreign countries—in China, the CCP does not allow you to believe in God and your belief is illegal. We can kill the people who have been godized like you with complete impunity! Beat him to death! Let’s see how long he lasts!” With that, they all pounced on me and began kicking and punching me. One of the officers whipped me hard on the face and body with a leather belt. The whipping left me with a bruised and swollen face and caused me to collapse on the floor. In the end, when they saw that I still wouldn’t talk, they had no choice but to send me back to the detention center. The police only permitted me to eat a dinner consisting of a small steamed bun. I was so hungry that I didn’t even have the energy to stand up and because I had been tortured and tormented continuously, felt dizzy, had searing pain and numbness in my face, my legs felt like jelly, and I was weak all over, I could only sit on the floor with my back against the wall. I felt like I couldn’t take much more and thought, “If things keep going this way, I’ll either be tortured to death or starved to death.” Just then, I recalled a passage of God’s words: “The utmost faith and love are required from us in this stage of work. We may stumble from the slightest carelessness, for this stage of work is different from all the previous ones: What God is perfecting is people’s faith, which is both invisible and intangible. What God does is convert words to faith, to love, and to life” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (8)). Indeed, the police wanted to use torment, torture and starvation to wear me down, make me lose my faith and force me to betray God, but God was just using this difficult situation to perfect my faith. I thought of what the Lord Jesus said when He was tested: “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). I believed that God’s words are the truth and the life of man. I knew I had to have faith in God. I silently prayed to God in my heart, “Oh God, my flesh might be weak and forceless, but I am willing to live by Your words, not heed my flesh and stand firm in my witness for You….” After prayer, I felt a bit more at peace and less miserable and weak.

On the morning of the third day, the police once again brought me to the National Security Brigade for interrogation. As soon as I entered the interrogation room, an officer kicked me to the ground and forced me to kneel on the cement floor. The National Security chief loudly berated me, saying, “So have you made up your mind? Who is your leader? Whose house is the church’s money located at? If you don’t talk now, these torture devices will make you talk. We’ll let you try every last one!” I didn’t say a word, so they forced me to continue kneeling on the cement floor. Because I had been continually tormented and tortured and denied food, I had become extremely weak. After kneeling for close to an hour, I was completely spent and just couldn’t kneel any longer. I felt weakness creep up in my heart and so I continually prayed to God, “Oh God! I just cannot take any more of this torture. I do not want to be a Judas and betray You. Please help me, give me faith and allow me to stand strong.” After prayer, I thought of this passage of God’s words: “Because it is embarked upon in a land that opposes God, all of God’s work faces tremendous obstacles, and accomplishing many of His words takes time; thus, people are refined as a result of God’s words, which is also part of suffering. It is tremendously difficult for God to carry out His work in the land of the great red dragon—but it is through this difficulty that God does one stage of His work, making manifest His wisdom and His wondrous deeds, and using this opportunity to make this group of people complete” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Is the Work of God As Simple As Man Imagines?). Pondering over God’s words, I realized that I had been tormented and tortured by the CCP for my faith, and it is glorious and honorable to bear witness for God through persecution and tribulation. The officers used every possible torture method to force me to deny and betray God, but God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes. God was using this environment to perfect my faith, allowing me to see the hideous visage and demonic essence of the great red dragon, so that I would come to hate it with all my heart and thoroughly reject it. After understanding God’s intention, I felt much clearer and possessed a new strength. “I will not fall for Satan’s plots and will not let it wear me down. No matter how miserable and weak my flesh becomes, I must stand firm in my witness for God!” Seeing that I still wouldn’t speak, an officer poured me a big glass of water and with a plastic smile, said, “You haven’t had a good meal for a few days, right? You must be hungry! With your constitution, I doubt you can hold out much longer. Hurry up and tell us everything you know. We already ordered steamed buns and stir-fried vegetables and we can give some to you too. I mean, why put yourself through this misery?” I realized that this was Satan’s plot and so I silently prayed to God in my heart, asking Him to protect me from Satan’s trickery. After a while, the officer unlocked my handcuffs, brought over some of the vegetables, a steamed bun and a glass of water and said, “Have some food. When you’re done, you can tell us what you know.” I replied, “I don’t know anyone and there is nothing I can tell you.” The National Security chief was furious and abruptly stood up, grabbed me by my hair and slapped me across the face before kicking me to the floor and yelling, “Someone handcuff his hands behind his back and beat him to death! We’ll see how long he holds out!” Four officers came over and handcuffed my hands behind my back. When they couldn’t initially stretch my arms back to handcuff them, they yanked hard at my arms, leaving me in unbearable pain that caused me to scream. An officer then whipped me hard with a leather belt continuously. I felt excruciating pain throughout my body and the belt left multiple thick black and blue whip-marks on my skin. As he whipped me, he yelled, “I just don’t believe you’re made of steel and I know I can wear you down!” After that, he took off his leather boot and began beating me on the head and face with the sole of the boot. The beating left my head feeling numb and distended like it was about to explode. I was seeing stars and there was a deep, engine-like humming sound in my ears. After a little while, I completely lost hearing in my right ear. I said, “You damaged my right ear, I can’t hear anything out of it now.” The officer nonchalantly puffed at his cigarette and growled in a sinister tone, “If you go deaf, that’s perfect. It will keep you from practicing faith in the future.” Seeing that I still wouldn’t talk after sustaining such a vicious beating, the National Security chief angrily yelled, “I just don’t believe I can’t get the best of you today! If you don’t talk, we’ll stab your fingernail with an iron awl. The fingers are connected to the heart—there’s no way you’ll withstand that suffering. Be smart: Tell us everything you know and cooperate with us. This is your best choice!” At the time, I felt a bit scared—even a tiny thorn in my finger was painful enough, let alone a thick iron awl! Just the thought of it made my legs go limp and my scalp went numb. If they really pierced my fingernail with that awl, would I be able to bear it? I hurriedly prayed continuously to God for help, asking Him to give me faith and the resolution to bear suffering. Just then, I recalled a passage of God’s words: “Those in power may seem vicious from the outside, but do not be afraid, for this is because you have little faith. As long as your faith grows, nothing will be too difficult” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 75). God’s words gave me faith and strength. God holds sovereignty over all things—I had to rely upon God and have faith that He would lead me to overcome the torment and torture of those demons. Realizing this, I didn’t feel quite as timid and afraid. Seeing that I still wasn’t going to talk, they had me put out my hands straight on a table and then waved a 7-to-8-inch iron awl in front of my face. An officer then proceeded to stab my fingernail with the awl. The awl was extremely sharp and as soon as it pierced my fingernail I felt a stabbing pain. I continually called out to God, asking Him to give me the strength to bear that misery. Just when the officer was about to press down on the awl, another cop came rushing in and whispered something in the National Security chief’s ear. The chief yelled, “Leave one person behind to watch him. Everyone else, come with me!” Seeing this all unfold, I gave thanks to God for orchestrating a situation to allow me to escape their cruel and brutal torture.

Two days later, a police officer once again took me to the National Security Brigade for interrogation. A fat officer aggressively yelled, “If you don’t talk today, I’ll make you wish you were dead!” I said, “I don’t know anything. Even if you really kill me, there is nothing I can tell you.” The National Security chief came forward and kicked me to the ground, yelling, “Even if you say nothing, we know all about you. You’re a church leader and you’re still being hard-mouthed!” He then grabbed me by the hair and slapped me across the face, saying, “Let’s see what gives way first, you or my shoes and belt!” He then bellowed, “Beat him to death!” Several officers then pounced on me and began punching and kicking me. One officer took off his leather belt and began whipping me. His belt left behind over ten welts from the whipping. He then took his shoe and began beating me hard with the sole of the shoe. I became dizzy, my head felt distended and I was in so much pain that I trembled and screamed. Ultimately, I just couldn’t take it anymore and wished that I could die and have it be over with. I thought to myself, “If I die, I won’t have to endure this suffering.” So, I went to slam my head on the wall, but an officer blocked my head with his thigh. It hurt him so bad that he jumped in pain. I then clearly remembered God’s words: “During these last days you must bear testimony to God. No matter how great your suffering, you should walk until the very end, and even at your last breath, still you must be faithful to God and at the mercy of God; only this is truly loving God, and only this is the strong and resounding testimony” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Painful Trials Can You Know the Loveliness of God). God’s words gave me a sudden realization: Wasn’t I being a coward by seeking death when I couldn’t bear the suffering? Where was my testimony? It was then that I realized the officer blocking my head was God protecting me behind the scenes. God’s intention wasn’t for me to die, He wanted me to stand firm in my witness and humiliate Satan in the midst of this suffering. Realizing this, I felt deeply motivated and made a resolution: No matter how the police tormented me, I would hold strong, and even if I had only one last breath remaining, I would keep on living to stand firm in my witness for God! My heart was full of power and strength—I gritted my teeth and prepared myself to endure even crueler torment. To my surprise, the National Security chief walked over and pointed to me saying, “You got the best of me! I just don’t see what it is in those books that makes you think it’s worth it to sacrifice your life for your God!” Another officer said, “People who have been godized like him should just be thrown in jail!” Soon after that, another officer said in an unctuous tone, “There’s still time to tell us what you know. I call the shots here, but once you get to the jail, I have no authority there. We’re giving you two options: Either you go home or you go to jail, it’s up to you!” I felt a bit weak at that moment, worrying about how much torment and cruelty I would face in my long time in jail and if I’d be able to endure it. What if they tormented me to death? I didn’t want to be a Judas, hurting God’s heart and being stuck with eternal regret, but I also didn’t know how I should experience the situation that now faced me. So, I prayed to God in my heart, “Oh God, I am about to be sentenced and sent to jail. I’m not sure how to endure this long and trying jail term, please guide me in submitting to this environment.” After prayer, I recalled this passage of God’s words: “For everyone who aspires to love God, there are no unobtainable truths and no justice for which they cannot stand firm. How should you live your life? How should you love God, and use this love to satisfy His intentions? There is no greater matter in your life. Above all, you must have such aspirations and perseverance, and should not be like those who are spineless, those who are weaklings. You must learn how to experience a meaningful life and experience meaningful truths, and should not treat yourself perfunctorily in that way” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). Faced with God’s demands, I felt ashamed. I thought of how I had made multiple resolutions before God that no matter what suffering I faced, I would always stand firm in my witness for God and seek to satisfy Him, but when faced with a long prison sentence and period of torment, I didn’t want to undergo such suffering and sought to escape that environment. Where was my submission and testimony? I thought of how, when Peter escaped from prison, the Lord Jesus appeared to him and said He would be crucified again for Peter. Peter understood God’s intention, returned to prison voluntarily and was crucified upside down for God, bearing a resounding testimony. Peter had true love and true submission to God. I didn’t have Peter’s stature, but I had to emulate him and stand firm in my witness for God. I also thought of how when I became miserable and weak while undergoing torment and torture, God’s words enlightened and guided me, gave me faith and strength and led me to overcome the cruel torment of those demons. When I was at my most miserable and weakest and was close to giving up, God miraculously orchestrated the people, events, things, and environment to open up a way for me and keep me from suffering any more torment. I truly felt how God was at my side, caring for and protecting me. God’s love is so true, so I couldn’t hurt His heart or disappoint Him. I quietly prayed to God, “Oh God! Even if I’m sentenced and must serve time, I will not give in to Satan. I will be resolute in standing firm in my witness to humiliate Satan.” Later, with literally no evidence, they trumped up a charge of “disturbing public order and undermining the enforcement of the law” and sentenced me to one year and six months of reeducation through labor.

In my time at the labor camp, I never had a full meal and had to work fifteen to sixteen hours per day. We were tasked with polishing marbles at a rate of six hundred per day to start that later changed to one thousand per day. I have poor eyesight, so I worked relatively slowly and was often beaten for not completing my tasks. One time, another inmate got scared he wouldn’t be able to finish his task and be beaten, so he stuck his half-completed items in my “complete” box. When the warden saw incomplete items in my “complete” box, without waiting to hear my explanation, he forced me to lean my head against a wall and take off my pants before whipping me with a V-belt. The first time he whipped me, the wire immediately left a big welt on my leg, while the second crack of his whip sent me falling to the ground, unable to get up. Inmates standing on either side of the passageway laughed heartily at me. Indeed, the other inmates often bullied me. They would make me sleep next to the toilet and would intentionally open the toilet cover. The smell was so disgusting that I would get nauseous and throw up. They would also beat me with the soles of their shoes and I would often be woken by their beatings in the middle of the night, my head ringing from the blows. I never knew when they would begin beating me again and I would often be scared to go to sleep at night. I was always on edge, and combined with the over-taxation from work, my health continually declined. Faced with this cruel torment, the thought of my long prison sentence left me feeling miserable. I didn’t want to spend even one more minute in that demonic jail. At that time there was another old brother in my cell, and whenever he got the chance, he would quietly fellowship with me on God’s words to comfort and encourage me. I remember the old brother recited this passage of God’s words for me: “When you face suffering, you must be able to lay aside concern for the flesh and to not make complaints against God. When God hides Himself from you, you must be able to have the faith to follow Him, to maintain your previous love without allowing it to falter or dissipate. No matter what God does, you must submit to His design and be prepared to curse your own flesh rather than make complaints against Him. When you are faced with trials, you must satisfy God, though you may weep bitterly or feel reluctant to part with some beloved object. Only this is true love and faith” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement). God’s words gave me faith and strength. This environment could hone my determination and my resolution to endure suffering—this was a good thing. After understanding God’s intention, I didn’t feel quite as miserable. I truly felt that God was always standing by me, caring for and protecting me, and enlightening and guiding me with His words. I had to rely on God to stand firm in my witness and could not give in to Satan!

In the course of enduring this persecution and tribulation, what I experienced most deeply was God’s love and salvation. Several times during particularly severe bouts of torture, when I felt miserable and weak, was ready to give up, and even felt like taking my own life, it was God’s words that gave me the faith and strength to endure and the resolve to stand firm in my witness. I truly sensed how when the great red dragon was cruelly persecuting me, God did not leave my side, instead protecting and looking after me and guiding me to overcome the demons’ ravages. God loves mankind most of all and He can save and perfect man. I am now even more resolute in my faith. No matter what hardship or persecution I go through in the future, I will follow God to the very end and stand firm in my witness for Him to thoroughly humiliate the great red dragon!