By Zhou Xiaoou, China

In 2012, my wife and I accepted the work of Almighty God in the last days. We often gathered and read God’s words together, and every day was happy and fulfilling. Two years later, I was chosen as a church leader. Because I was busy with my duties and spent less time at home, my wife became somewhat dissatisfied, saying I wasn’t taking care of the family and that I didn’t care about her. Though I knew it is perfectly natural and justified to do the duty of a created being, I also felt that what my wife said made sense, and that I should fulfill my responsibility as a husband and take good care of my wife and child so that we could have a happy marriage and a perfect family. So when I was at home, I tried hard to do just that. Sometimes I couldn’t take care of my wife because I was so busy with my duties, and afterward, I would try my best to make up for it. I would often cook good food for my wife, as I was afraid that her dissatisfaction would affect our relationship. Later, I became a preacher, and I had even less time to spend with my wife at home. Sometimes, I would go out for several days in a row because my duties were busy, and my wife would complain about me. Even though I didn’t delay my duties because of this, I always felt guilt toward my wife in my heart. So before I left, I would prepare meals for her early, and when I returned home, I would do my best to satisfy any of her requests or take her out. I thought that this way, I could be a good husband and that our marriage would be happy.

Later, my wife became entirely focused on pursuing money and physical pleasures, and she muddled through her days eating, drinking, and having fun with friends. She not only neglected the family but also often went to bars. As I watched my wife become more and more depraved, I started to worry, “She spends so much time with these people. What if she can’t resist temptation and betrays me? Wouldn’t the family I had worked so hard to build fall apart?” I often had heart-to-heart talks with my wife and read God’s words to her, hoping she would stay away from those troublesome places. My wife would agree verbally, but then not change at all after. Gradually, my wife and I had fewer and fewer things to talk about, and when she returned home, she would ignore me. I often worried, “Has my wife already betrayed me?” In particular, when I came home each day to see the empty house, I always felt a sense of loneliness in my heart. I thought that the bond between my wife and me, built over so many years, was about to break, and my heart was filled with pain and suffering. Just when I was deeply trapped in pain, unable to extricate myself, one day in August 2020, I received a letter from the leader, saying that my partner, Brother Wang Qiang, had been arrested by the police, that the police were checking surveillance footage, and that I needed to leave home and go into hiding right away. Faced with this sudden news, I didn’t know what to do at first. I thought that if I left, I wouldn’t be able to take care of my wife and child anymore, and that the family could fall apart. This left me in great pain inside. But if I didn’t leave, I would face being arrested and tortured. In the end, I decided to leave home. Two months later, I received a letter from my family, saying that a few days ago, seven police officers had burst into my house to arrest me, and that when they hadn’t found me, they’d arrested my wife’s older sister. Considering my safety, I had to go elsewhere to hide and do my duties.

One day in July 2023, I received a letter from home, saying that my wife saw I had been away for three years, so she was planning to file for divorce and marry someone else. Although I’d thought many times that my wife might not wait for me anymore, when actually faced with this situation, I still didn’t have much courage. I thought to myself, “Once our marriage breaks, won’t the home I worked so hard to build all these years be lost? I’ve been married to my wife for eleven years, and we have a lovely daughter. We’ve spent so many happy and joyful moments together, but if we divorce, how will I go on by myself?” At night, I lay in bed unable to sleep, and when I thought about how my child would also suffer in the future, my heart was filled with pain and distress, and the thought of returning home to save my marriage came to my mind. But I was being hunted by the police, and over the past two years, the police had come to stake out my home several times, and my wife’s phone was also being monitored by the police. If I rashly went back home, not only would I be captured, but I would also cause trouble for the church. Furthermore, I was doing my duties, so if I just left, I would be abandoning my duties and betraying God. On the basis of reason, I knew I couldn’t return home, but not returning home would mean the breakdown of my marriage. In my pain, I wrote a letter to my wife asking her to stay, hoping she could understand my difficulties. Even after writing the letter, I knew that perhaps my heartfelt words would have no effect on my wife. I felt much pain in my heart, so I came before God to pray.

Later, I read God’s words: “You must never forget that you are a created being, that it is God who has led you through life to this moment, that it is God who has given you marriage, who has given you a family, and that it is God who has bestowed upon you the responsibilities you should fulfill within the framework of marriage, and that it is not you who chose marriage, it is not that you came to be married out of thin air, or that you can maintain your marital happiness by relying on your own abilities and strength. Have I now explained this clearly? (Yes.) Do you understand what you’re supposed to do? Is the path now clear to you? (Yes.) If there is no conflict or contradiction between the responsibilities and obligations you should fulfill in marriage and your duty and mission as a created being, then under such circumstances, you should fulfill your responsibilities within the framework of marriage however they are to be fulfilled, and you should fulfill your responsibilities well, shoulder the responsibilities you should shoulder, and not try to shirk them. You must take responsibility for your partner, and you should take responsibility for your partner’s life, their feelings, and everything about them. However, when there is a clash between the responsibilities and obligations you shoulder within the framework of marriage and your mission and duty as a created being, then what you must let go of is not your duty or mission but are rather your responsibilities within the framework of marriage. This is what God expects of you, it is God’s commission for you and, of course, it is what God requires of any man or woman. Only when you are capable of this will you be pursuing the truth and following God. If you are not capable of this and cannot practice in this way, then you are just a nominal believer, you do not follow God with a true heart, and you are not a pursuer of truth. … Some people think, ‘Oh, how will my partner live without me? Won’t our marriage fall apart if I’m not there? Will our marriage be over? What will I do in the future?’ Should you be thinking about the future? What should you be thinking about most? If you want to be someone who pursues the truth, then what you should be thinking about most is how to let go of that which God asks you to let go of and how to accomplish that which God asks you to accomplish. If you are to be without a marriage and without your partner beside you in the future, in the days to come, you can still live until old age and live well just the same. If you abandon this opportunity, however, then that is tantamount to you abandoning your duty and the mission God has entrusted to you. To God, you would then not be someone who pursues the truth, someone who truly wants God, or someone who is in pursuit of salvation. If you actively wish to abandon your opportunity and right to attain salvation and your mission and you instead choose marriage, you choose to stay united as husband and wife, you choose to be with and satisfy your spouse, and you choose to keep your marriage intact, then in the end you will gain some things and lose some things. You understand what it is you will lose, right?” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). “God has given you a settled life and a partner only so that you can live better and have someone to look after you, have someone beside you, not so that you can forget God and forget His words or abandon your obligation to perform your duty and your life goal of pursuing salvation once you have a spouse, and then live for your spouse. If you really act this way, if you really do live this way, then I hope you will change course as soon as possible. No matter how important someone is to you, or how important they are to your life, your living, or your life path, they are not your destination because they are only a corrupted human being. God has arranged your current spouse for you, and you can live together with them. If God changed His mood and arranged someone else for you, you could still live just as well, and so your current spouse is not your one and only, nor are they your destination. Only God is the One to whom your destination is entrusted, and only God is the One to whom the destination of mankind is entrusted. You can still survive and live if you leave your parents, and of course you can still live just as well if you leave your partner. Your parents aren’t your destination, nor is your partner. Just because you have a partner, someone to entrust your spirit, your soul, and your flesh to, don’t forget the most important things in life. If you forget God, forget what He has entrusted you with, forget the duty a created being should perform, and forget what your identity is, then you will have lost all conscience and reason” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). From God’s words, I understood that marriage, family, and children are all gifts from God, and that God gave these to people so that they wouldn’t feel lonely, and so that husbands and wives could care for and accompany each other to live better lives, but not for people to treat their spouse as the destination of their lives, or to treat maintaining a family or marriage as their life’s goal. These are mistaken ideas and views. But I didn’t understand the truth, and I thought that my other half was my destination and that happiness in marriage was my goal to seek in life. Because I lacked my parents’ love and the warmth of a family when I was a child, when I grew up, I longed for the warmth and happiness of family. After marrying my wife, I experienced my wife’s love for me and the happiness and joy my child brought me, and I became even more convinced that having a perfect family is a wonderful thing. So, when I heard that my wife wanted to file for divorce, my heart shattered, and I felt like I couldn’t go on living without my marriage and family. I even thought about abandoning my duties to save my marriage. Only then did I realize that marriage held greater importance to me in my heart than God did. The truth was, God had given me a marriage and a family, and I had the responsibility of family, but God’s intention wasn’t for me to abandon my duties after getting married. No matter when, I should pursue the truth and do my duty as a created being—these are what I ought to do, and are of the greatest importance. I thought about how many Western missionaries, in order to propagate the gospel of the Lord, actively gave up their marriages, jobs, and comfortable lives, and traveled thousands of miles to China to preach the gospel, and about how because of them, the gospel of the Lord Jesus spread in China. Yet, what had I done for God? When my wife said she wanted a divorce, my first thought was that after the divorce, without a family, my child would suffer, I would no longer enjoy the warmth and happiness that family brings, and that I would have to live alone in the future. My heart filled with pain and sorrow, and I thought about abandoning my duties to return home and save my marriage. I saw that all I was considering was my own interests, and that I had no regard for God’s intention. Compared to those Western missionaries, I was utterly lacking in conscience and selfish, and I was unworthy of all the years of God’s guidance and provision I had received. Thinking of this, I felt guilty, and that I shouldn’t worry or be troubled about living alone in the future. What was most important at this point was how to fulfill my duties. I then focused on my duties.

In mid-August 2023, my mother-in-law sent a letter saying that my brother-in-law, by asking someone at the judicial bureau, couldn’t find any information about me being wanted, and that as long as I left the local area, I wouldn’t be in too much danger, and she asked if I would be willing to go to her place. At that time, she was in another province, and my wife was there as well. I thought to myself, “Since I’m not wanted by the police, and I’ll be fine so long as I just move to another place, can I return to my wife and child? This way, the family won’t break apart, and my child will be able to enjoy the warmth of family.” I suddenly remembered that I had prayed to God to uphold my duties. But with this turn of events, I wanted to give up my duties and return home to save my marriage. To do so would be deceiving God. At the same time, I realized in my heart that God’s good intention was behind my receiving the letter from my mother-in-law that day, and that this was a test for me, to see what I would choose. I had to choose to satisfy God and prioritize my duties, and I couldn’t become a laughingstock for Satan. So, I prayed to God, “God, I feel weak in this situation, and I want to go back home to save my marriage, but I know I cannot abandon my duties, much less betray You. God, please guide me to stand firm in my testimony.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “Mankind lives in a material world. You may follow God, but you never see or appreciate how God provides for you, loves you, and shows concern for you. So what do you see? You see your blood relatives who love you or dote on you. You see the things that are beneficial to your flesh, you care about the people and things you love. This is man’s so-called selflessness. Such ‘selfless’ people, however, are never concerned about the God that gives life to them. In contrast to that of God, man’s selflessness becomes selfish and despicable. The selflessness man believes in is empty and unrealistic, adulterated, incompatible with God, and unrelated to God. Man’s selflessness is for himself, while God’s selflessness is a true revelation of His essence. It is precisely due to God’s selflessness that man is constantly provided for by Him. You might not be too deeply affected by this topic I am talking about today and are merely nodding in approval, but when you try to appreciate God’s heart in your heart, you will unwittingly discover this: Among all the people, matters, and things you can sense in this world, only God’s selflessness is real and concrete, because only God’s love for you is unconditional and unblemished. Apart from God, anyone else’s so-called unselfishness is feigned, superficial, inauthentic; it has a purpose, certain intentions, carries a tradeoff, and cannot stand to be tested. You could even say that it is filthy and contemptible. Are you in agreement with these words?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself I). Every sentence of God’s word pierced my heart, especially these words of God: “Mankind lives in a material world. You may follow God, but you never see or appreciate how God provides for you, loves you, and shows concern for you. So what do you see? You see your blood relatives who love you… you care about the people and things you love.” What God says is the truth. Ever since I was being hunted by the CCP’s police force, the brothers and sisters had been hosting me, and even at the risk of danger, they arranged for a car to move me elsewhere. This was all God’s love. Especially when I had just left home, I often thought about my wife and child, and my heart was filled with pain and weakness. It was God’s words that continually watered and enlightened me, enabling me to understand the truth and have faith to go on. Over the last few years while doing my duty, God also arranged various people, events, and things for me, allowing me to experience God’s words, and making up for my shortcomings. I had received so much from God. But when I received a letter from home saying that I wasn’t wanted and that it wouldn’t be so dangerous for me to go to another place, the first thing I thought of was my wife and daughter, and I thought that as long as I returned to my wife, I could save our marriage. So I couldn’t help but feel excited, and I longed to return to my family immediately. This proved that I loved my wife and daughter, and that there was no place for God in my heart. Thinking about how great God’s love for me was, and about how I had given God almost nothing in return, I felt deep guilt and regret in my heart. My feelings of indebtedness caused me to weep uncontrollably, and I hated myself for being so selfish and lacking in humanity. God’s love for mankind is sincere, selfless, and holy, with no impurities or anything asked for in return. But human love is wholly transactional and impure, and filled with false feelings, and we could describe it as selfish. Just like when I wanted to return home to save my marriage, there were personal intentions behind this. I worried that I would live a lonely life after the marriage collapsed, and that I’d never again enjoy the warmth and joy that family gave me. That’s why I kept wanting to go back and save my marriage. My wife wanting a divorce was also based on her concern for her future. When I was home, my wife often said, “If it weren’t for you caring for me and treating me well, I would have left you long ago.” This had become a reality. Since I couldn’t always be by her side, she would eventually leave me. My wife’s love for me was never real. It came with conditions. At the same time, I also thought, “My wife doesn’t pursue the truth and is instead focused on worldly trends and wealth. She often speaks negatively in front of me, holds me back, and asks me for material enjoyment. In truth, my wife is a disbeliever. She pursues wealth and pleasure and walks the worldly path. Meanwhile, I want to follow God and walk the path of pursuing the truth. We are destined to be incompatible, and if we force ourselves together, not only will there be no happiness, but it will also bring endless suffering upon me.” The arguments and conflicts with my wife from before I left home were still vivid in my memory. If I chose to return home, our marriage might be saved, but I would end up just as I had been three years before, trapped in fleshly feelings, and without the mind to pursue the truth or do my duties, let alone be saved. In addition, I always worried about how my daughter would be hurt by the divorce, or how she would suffer even more hardships in the future. But in truth, these things weren’t for me to decide, because parents can only offer their children help and care in the physical and material sense, but how a child’s life would turn out to be, what suffering they would endure, and what blessings they would receive, has already been preordained and arranged by God. I always used to worry that my child would suffer after the divorce, and this was a sign of my lack of faith in God’s sovereignty. I became willing to entrust my daughter into God’s hands. Later, I heard from my mother-in-law that my daughter was doing well, and that she had learned more than a dozen hymns and could dance to praise God. I realized my concerns were unnecessary. I prayed to God, vowing that I wouldn’t be constrained by my marriage, and that I’d properly pursue the truth and do my duties. In October 2023, I learned that my wife had been characterized as a disbeliever and cleared out from the church, but I felt quite at peace, and I thanked God for protecting me from abandoning my duty because of her.

Afterward, I couldn’t help but reflect, “Why have I always treated happy marriage and family as my life’s pursuit, and tried my best to maintain these things? What is the root cause of this problem?” I gained some understanding after reading a passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “Pernicious influences that thousands of years of ‘the lofty spirit of nationalism’ have left deep in the human heart, as well as the feudal thinking by which people are bound and chained, without an iota of freedom, with no will to aspire or persevere, no desire to make progress, remaining instead negative and regressive, entrenched in a slave mentality, and so on—these objective factors have imparted an indelibly filthy and ugly cast to the ideological outlook, ideals, morality, and disposition of humanity. Humans, it would seem, are living in a dark world of terrorism, which none among them seeks to transcend, and none among them thinks of moving on to an ideal world; rather, they are content with their lot in life, to spend their days bearing and raising children, striving, sweating, going about their chores, dreaming of a comfortable and happy family, and dreaming of conjugal affection, of filial children, of joy in their twilight years as they peacefully live out their lives…. For tens, thousands, tens of thousands of years until now, people have been squandering their time in this way, with no one creating a perfect life, all intent only on mutual slaughter in this dark world, on the race for fame and fortune, and on intriguing against one another. Who has ever sought after God’s intentions? Has anyone ever heeded the work of God? All the parts of humanity occupied by the influence of darkness have long since become human nature, and so it is quite difficult to carry out the work of God, and people have even less heart to pay attention to what God has entrusted to them today” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (3)). From God’s words, I understood that I had been influenced by the poison of traditional culture instilled by Satan, with ideas such as the love between husband and wife, a happy marriage, a harmonious family, and having children becoming the goals I pursued, not knowing why people live or how to live in a meaningful and valuable way. I remembered when I was young, because my parents didn’t provide me with a warm family environment, I felt pitiful, and I regarded the togetherness of family to be the symbol of happiness. After marriage, I enjoyed my wife’s care and consideration, as well as the happiness brought by my family and daughter, so I wanted to devote my whole life to preserving the happiness of my marriage. After finding God, I did my duty away from home, but my heart was at home, and I’d think about returning home soon to reunite with my wife and child, and I’d just go through the motions in my duty. Sometimes, I was so busy with my duty that I neglected my wife, and then when I got home, I’d try to make up for it, and no matter what my wife wanted to eat, buy, or where she wanted to go, even if her requests were unreasonable, I tried my best to fulfill them. I tried all kinds of ways to please her. Though at times I was in pain, I feared that not satisfying her would affect our marriage. Later, as I became a preacher, I became busier, and my wife became dissatisfied with me, and she often argued with me. I tried to find ways to comfort her before returning to my duties, thinking that as long as I could maintain our marriage, even if I had to endure some hardship, it would be worth it. Later, due to the police’s arrests, I couldn’t return home for three years, and my wife wanted to file for divorce, and I worried that if we divorced, the home I’d worked so hard to build would be lost, so I wanted to return home to save my marriage. I even almost abandoned my duties and betrayed God on a couple of occasions. Looking back, I was truly in danger. Now I could finally see clearly that the ideas and views of a happy marriage and a harmonious family had been binding me, making me view marriage and family as more important than the duty of created beings, which caused me to not enter into much truth reality in my seven or eight years of believing in God, and to waste a lot of time. In the past, no matter how busy I was with my duties, or how late I stayed up doing them, I would finish all the housework and try every possible way to please my wife, thereby trying to save my marriage, but in the end, my wife still left me. My wife’s kindness toward me was entirely due to the effort I put in and the price I paid on her behalf, and even because I went so far as to lower my integrity and dignity to please her. But now that my wife couldn’t enjoy the kindness I’d shown her, she became eager to divorce so that she could find someone else. Our marriage was utterly transactional. When there was something to gain, there was love and sweetness between us, but when there was nothing more of value to exploit, I was kicked aside. Where was the happiness in this? Looking back on these things, I realized that all my hard work and sacrifices over the years could not bring me true love or happiness, instead, in return, I only got heartbreak and pain. It was only then that I realized that the idea of love between husband and wife and a happy marriage is just the sweet-coated bullet used by Satan to mislead people, nothing but lies and deception. The cost of my pursuit of marital happiness over the years was too great and not worth it at all! I believed in God but didn’t pursue the truth, and instead, I just sought marital happiness. In this, I was falling for Satan’s tricks. I spent all my time and energy on trying to please my wife and preserve our marriage, which caused me to not gain the truth I should have, nor fulfill the duties I should have. This not only delayed my life growth but also let down God’s expectations. I was truly foolish!

Later, I read God’s words, and I began to gain some understanding of what people should pursue in life. Almighty God says: “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. If you do not worship God but live within your filthy flesh, then are you not just a beast in human attire? Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (2)). “Man must pursue to live out a life of meaning, and should not be satisfied with his current circumstances. To live out the image of Peter, he must possess the knowledge and experiences of Peter. Man must pursue things that are higher and more profound. He must pursue a deeper, purer love of God, and a life that has value and meaning. Only this is life; only then will man be the same as Peter. You must focus on entering proactively on the positive side, and must not passively allow yourself to backslide for the sake of momentary ease while ignoring more profound, more specific, and more practical truths. Your love must be practical, and you must find ways to free yourself from this depraved, carefree life that is no different from an animal’s. You must live out a life of meaning, a life of value, and you must not fool yourself or treat your life like a toy to be played with. For everyone who aspires to love God, there are no unobtainable truths and no justice for which they cannot stand firm. How should you live your life? How should you love God, and use this love to satisfy His intentions? There is no greater matter in your life. Above all, you must have such aspirations and perseverance, and should not be like those who are spineless weaklings. You must learn how to experience a meaningful life and experience meaningful truths, and should not treat yourself perfunctorily in that way. Without you realizing it, your life will pass you by; after that, will you have another opportunity to love God? Can man love God after he is dead? You must have the same aspirations and conscience as Peter; your life must be meaningful, and you must not play games with yourself. As a human being, and as a person who pursues God, you must be able to carefully consider how you treat your life, how you should offer yourself to God, how you should have a more meaningful faith in God, and how, since you love God, you should love Him in a way that is more pure, more beautiful, and more good” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). God’s words are very clear. As believers, we should seek to love and worship God. Only living like Job and Peter is meaningful. I thought of how Peter, in his youth, wholeheartedly pursued God, but Peter’s parents hoped he would excel and become an official. However, Peter did not make his parents’ expectations his goal, nor did he care whether his choices would affect his relationship with his parents. Instead, he devoted himself to seeking to love and know God, and in the end, he was crucified upside down for God, becoming a model of loving God. Then there’s Job. In trials, he lost all his cattle, sheep, and children, and his body became covered in sores, and his wife said, “Curse God and die!” When Job heard his wife say this, he still held to his faith in God, and he rebuked his wife, calling her a foolish woman. He stood firm in his testimony for God and he shamed Satan. From the experiences of Job and Peter, I saw that only by seeking to know and love God, and by doing our duties well and standing firm in our testimony can we receive God’s approval. This is the only way to lead a life of utmost meaning. Then, I quieted my heart and devoted myself to my duties, and at the same time, I practiced writing experiential testimony articles. Later, I learned that one of my experiential articles had been turned into a video. Having been able to use my experience to testify to God, I was deeply moved, and I felt more and more that only pursuing the truth and testifying to God is the most meaningful, and that only this can bring true happiness and joy. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart!

In February 2024, I received a letter from my parents, saying that my wife had filed for divorce in court. Upon receiving this news, I was quite calm, and I didn’t feel distressed or sad about my wife divorcing me. Instead, I felt that this was a form of liberation for me. Now I can lay down these burdens and wholeheartedly follow God. This is God’s salvation for me, and I thank Almighty God from the bottom of my heart!