By Su Wen, China

When I was little, my family was often looked down upon because I didn’t have many siblings. At that time, my parents would often say to me, “The best and most stable job is working as a doctor. Not only do they have high salaries, they’re also highly respected.” Whenever a doctor came to our village, they were always greeted warmly and shown the utmost respect. I had a deep admiration and envy for those doctors and I told myself that I had to work hard so that I too could become a doctor one day, carry myself with pride in our village and be well-respected. After that, I buried myself in books and poured myself into my studies. My hard efforts were rewarded when I later tested into the provincial Chinese Medicine academy. After graduating, I got a job as a doctor at the county hospital, just as I had wished. From then on, it was like I had leveled up in life. Not only did I have a good salary, my peers all envied and admired me, and friends, relatives, and acquaintances would all seek me out when they were sick, and whenever I went back to my village, I would be met with warmth and respect. My parents also felt a sense of pride. I really enjoyed being respected like that and it was a big boost to my vanity. It felt like all my sacrifices had finally paid off. As I gained more experience, I met many wealthy and influential people that had come down with all kinds of illnesses that caused them incredible suffering. Some of them came in with severe, acute diseases, but the doctors could only watch helplessly as they died. I couldn’t help but think that our lives are quite frail and helpless in the face of death. This gave me a strange feeling of spiritual emptiness. I began to wonder what the point of life was and what I was living for.

At the end of 1998, many people left state-run hospitals and opened up private practices. I thought that if I kept working at the hospital, I would be stuck with my current salary, so if I wanted to level up and make more money, I would need to become my own boss. So I quit my job at the hospital and started my own clinic. Then, in 2000, I heard Almighty God’s last days’ gospel. I saw that God said: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). Through God’s words I realized that man’s life and death are in God’s hands and no one is in control of their own fate. When the number of years God has allotted you is up, it doesn’t matter how much money, power or influence you have. Through eating and drinking God’s words and living church life, I also realized that I couldn’t just pursue material things, high status, and pleasures of the flesh. The most important thing was to fulfill my duty as a created being, and pursue the truth, the accumulation of good deeds, and the attainment of salvation. So, I took on the duty that I could do in the church. I would gather and fellowship on God’s words with the brothers and sisters, and I felt fulfilled and happy. At first, I was just leading a small group gathering and wasn’t that busy. Later on, I was selected to serve as a church leader. I knew this was God’s exaltation and that He had given me this chance to receive training and attain the truth. I had enjoyed so much of the supply of God’s words, so I should have a conscience and repay God’s love. But I also knew that being a leader was a lot of work and a big responsibility, and I would have to expend full time. That would mean I wouldn’t be able to work in my clinic. I had worked half my life for that job, so I balked at the prospect of just giving it up. I went back and forth in my head and felt so conflicted and agonized. In the midst of my agony, I prayed to God, “Oh God! I’m having a terrible time right now in this situation. I don’t want to lose this duty, but my stature is small and I can’t overcome the weakness of my flesh. Please guide me and give me faith and strength.”

In the midst of seeking, I thought of how God says: “If you allow this chance to slip through your fingers, you will regret it for the rest of your life.” I hurriedly looked up the following passage to read. Almighty God says: “Some are unwilling to coordinate with others in service to God, even when they have been called upon; these are lazy people who wish only to revel in comfort. The more you are asked to serve in coordination with others, the more experience you will gain. Due to having more burdens and experiences, you will gain more opportunities to be perfected. Therefore, if you can serve God with sincerity, then you will be mindful of God’s burden; as such, you will have more opportunities to be perfected by God. It is just such a group of people that is currently being perfected. The more the Holy Spirit touches you, the more time you will devote to being mindful of God’s burden, the more you will be perfected by God, and the more you will be gained by Him—until, in the end, you will become a person whom God uses. At present, there are some who carry no burdens for the church. These people are slack and sloppy, and only care about their own flesh. Such people are extremely selfish, and they are also blind. If you cannot see this matter clearly, you will not carry any burden. The more considerate you are of God’s intentions, the greater the burden He will entrust to you. The selfish are unwilling to suffer such things; they are unwilling to pay the price, and, as a result, they will miss opportunities to be perfected by God. Are they not doing themselves harm? … Thus, you should become mindful of God’s burden, here and now; you should not wait for God to reveal His righteous disposition to all humanity before growing mindful of God’s burden. Would it not be too late by then? Now is a good opportunity to be perfected by God. If you allow this chance to slip through your fingers, you will regret it for the rest of your life, just as Moses was unable to enter the good land of Canaan and regretted it for the rest of his life, dying with remorse” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Be Considerate of God’s Intentions in Order to Attain Perfection). Through Gods words I realized that only those that are considerate of God’s intentions and accept God’s commission will have more opportunities to be perfected by God. Those that are not willing to consider God’s intentions are selfish and will not be perfected by God. The gospel work has entered a key period of major expansion, and the fact that the church gave me such an important duty is God’s exceptional bestowal of favor and exaltation. Yet I wasn’t considerate of God’s intentions and, instead, was only concerned with my flesh and making money to earn the high regard of others. How unconscionable I was! Did I not believe in and follow God, eat and drink His words and do my duty in order to attain truth and salvation? God had given me a great opportunity to receive training and attain the truth through this duty. Wouldn’t I be dumb not to take it? If by the time I agreed to take it, God’s work had already concluded, I would have missed my chance. Then I would be greatly regretful. I would be just like Moses, who could see Canaan from afar but could not enter and was regretful his whole life. I had to submit to God and first accept the duty. I could get someone to fill in for me at the clinic for the time being. Having decided, I accepted the leadership duty.

After that, I devoted most of my time to my duty and if I had any spare time, I’d hurry over to the clinic. At first we were able to retain patients, but as time went on and I was often not at the clinic, people started going elsewhere because they weren’t able to see me. Our clinic received fewer and fewer patients and we were barely holding on. I used to have a high living standard, I was esteemed and admired by others, and friends and relatives would all seek me out when they had problems, but now my friends and relatives were all criticizing me, saying I was being negligent in my management of the clinic and they didn’t know what I was doing all day. They had a much different attitude toward me after that. Thinking of how I was once respected and admired and now had become the subject of everyone’s ridicule, I felt a tumult of emotions—it’s a hard feeling to describe. I thought, “It’s not that I don’t have the ability to make money, I have the skills, so if I managed things well I’d certainly have a lot of patients. I could once again live that lifestyle of superior material comfort, regain others’ respect and admiration and live a prestigious life.” I also considered that I hadn’t believed in God that long, my stature was small, and I didn’t understand much truth, so maybe I just needed to do a duty that matched my abilities. I wanted to switch to a less demanding duty. Then I’d have more time for my work, and neither my duty nor the clinic would be affected. However, after that, I stopped bearing a burden in my duty. I became perfunctory in my duty and went through the motions in gatherings. I remember during one gathering, all I could think about was my clinic. How many patients had we gotten that day? Did those who had made appointments show up? To allow myself more time to attend to my clinic, I didn’t understand the situation in depth before writing my report and just handed a brief report to my upper leader. As a result of the lack of detail, I ended up having to redo it. I also didn’t take responsibility for the watering work. Some newcomers even left because they weren’t being watered. The upper leader fellowshipped and tried to help me with this issue several times, and I felt quite guilty, praying to God several times and making resolutions to rebel against my flesh and do my duty well, but I’d always inevitably get distracted by my clinic. I kept making and breaking resolutions before God and I drifted further and further away from Him. I would often feel inexplicably empty and afraid. On several occasions I had wanted to abandon the clinic, but then I’d think about how I’d have to go back to being looked down upon by people and I just couldn’t make myself do it. Seeing that I couldn’t rectify my state and it was delaying the work, the upper leader dismissed me.

I was really upset after being dismissed. I had eaten and drunk so much of God’s words, and I clearly knew that pursuing the truth and doing my duty well was the right path in life, but I couldn’t let go of my clinic and couldn’t do my duty well. I felt really guilty and felt I owed God so much. I prayed to God, saying, “Oh God, I am so rebellious and so indebted to You. Oh God, I ask that You free me from the fetters of wealth so that I can fulfill my duty and repay Your love.”

After prayer, I remembered the title of a chapter of God’s words, “To Whom Are You Loyal?” I asked myself, “To whom am I loyal? Am I loyal to God?” I then read a passage from this chapter: “If I were to place some money in front of you right now and give you the freedom to choose—and if I did not condemn you for your choice—then most of you would choose the money and forsake the truth. The better among you would give up the money and choose the truth reluctantly, while those in-between would seize the money in one hand and the truth in the other. Would your true colors thus not become self-evident? When choosing between the truth and anything to which you are loyal, you would all make this choice, and your attitude would remain the same. Is that not so? Are there not many among you who have seesawed between right and wrong? In contests between positive and negative, black and white, you are surely aware of the choices that you have made between family and God, children and God, peace and disruption, riches and poverty, status and ordinariness, being supported and being cast aside, and so on. Between a peaceful family and a broken one, you chose the former, and you did so without any hesitation; between riches and duty, you again chose the former, even lacking the will to return to shore; between luxury and poverty, you chose the former; when choosing between your sons, daughters, wives and husbands, and Me, you chose the former; and between notion and truth, you once again chose the former. Faced with all manner of your evil deeds, I have simply lost faith in you. It simply astounds Me that your hearts are so resistant to being softened. Many years of dedication and effort have apparently brought Me nothing more than your abandonment and despair, but My hopes for you grow with each passing day, for My day has been completely laid bare before everyone. Yet you persist in seeking dark and evil things, and refuse to loosen your grip on them. What, then, will be your outcome? Have you ever given careful consideration to this? If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it still be the former? Would you still bring Me disappointment and wretched sorrow? Would your hearts still possess the sole modicum of warmth? Would you still be unaware of what to do to comfort My heart? At this moment, what do you choose? … I, too, hope to forget everything of your past, though this is very difficult to do. Nevertheless, I have a very good way of doing it: Let the future replace the past, and allow the shadows of your past to be dispelled in exchange for your true self of today. Thus must I trouble you to make the choice once more: To whom exactly are you loyal?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Whom Are You Loyal?). God’s words deeply touched me. Did these words not expose my current state, my current situation? I clearly knew that as a believer, I ought to pursue the truth and fulfill my duty to satisfy God. But whenever I had to choose between my duty and the clinic, living the good life, being respected, and other fleshly concerns, I would always inevitably choose the latter. I was scared that people would look down on me if I couldn’t maintain my clinic. These years, on the surface, I always seemed to do my duty, but I never abandoned my desire for fame and gain and thought constantly about making big money. As such, I took my duty lightly, going through the motions; I didn’t do well in either, leaving me quite tired and emotionally drained. This had a very negative effect on the church’s work and also brought loss to my life. I saw that I wasn’t loyal to God, but rather to satanic things like my own flesh and ambition. During that time, I would often pray to God, “Oh God! I am now willing to abandon my clinic to pursue the truth and do my duty well. Please give me the faith to sell my clinic soon!” Aside from prayer, I also began explaining this all to my husband to prepare to sell off the clinic.

In 2011, thanks to God’s exaltation, I was once again chosen as a church leader. I knew that God was giving me another chance. I thought of how I was regretful and felt indebted to God for pursuing clinic work before and resolved to be more cooperative this time. I quickly threw myself into my duty, and no matter how my clinic was doing, I didn’t get distracted and I tried to find someone to take over my clinic. But when they drew up the contract and were preparing to sign, I had some reservations. I had put half of my life into this clinic. I thought of how hard I had worked from a young age, how I had overcome adversity to realize my dream of becoming a doctor. If I sold the clinic, I would be parting ways with the life that I once sought. The more I thought the less willing I was to let it go. I had felt extremely empty inside. Then I came across the following passages of God’s words: “You should clear your heads! What should be forsaken, what are your treasures, what are your fatal weaknesses, what are your obstacles? Ponder these questions more in your spirit and fellowship with Me. What I want is for your hearts to look up to Me in silence; I do not want your lip service” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 8). “As someone who is normal, and who pursues the love of God, entry into the kingdom to become one of the people of God is your true future, and a life that is of the utmost value and significance; no one is more blessed than you. Why do I say this? Because those who do not believe in God live for the flesh, and they live for Satan, but today you live for God, and live to follow the will of God. That is why I say your lives are of the utmost significance. Only this group of people, who have been selected by God, are able to live out a life of the utmost significance: No one else on earth is able to live out a life of such value and meaning” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Know God’s Newest Work and Follow His Footsteps). “You must have the same aspirations and conscience as Peter; your life must be meaningful, and you must not play games with yourself. As a human being, and as a person who pursues God, you must be able to carefully consider how you treat your life, how you should offer yourself to God, how you should have a more meaningful faith in God, and how, since you love God, you should love Him in a way that is more pure, more beautiful, and more good” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). Thinking over God’s words I realized that the worldly status, wealth and pleasures of the flesh that men pursue are not worthy goals. Only coming before the Creator, fulfilling our duties as created beings, pursuing the truth, casting off satanic corrupt dispositions, and ultimately attaining God’s salvation and becoming people of His kingdom is the true future and constitutes the most meaningful and valuable life. Even if my clinic became very busy, I made lots of money, gained more respect and my flesh was ultimately satisfied, I would lose out on the truth and life and God’s salvation. I wouldn’t attain God’s commendation and acknowledgement and all would be for nought. When the disasters come, no amount of money and respect will save us. There is no meaning or value in such a pursuit. Just as the Lord Jesus said: “What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). Yet, I put all my effort into the pursuit of wealth, fame and gain and sought them obsessively. I thought that only by having these things could I live a life of value. No matter how much I had to sacrifice or how much energy I had to spend, I never complained. I was so blind, foolish, and shortsighted! I thought of Peter. His parents wanted him to go into politics, but Peter chose to devote his life to following God. He sought to know and love God and was ultimately perfected by God and attained the commendation of the Creator. Peter lived the most valuable and meaningful life. I knew I should emulate Peter, I had to abandon these worldly pursuits, pursue the truth and fulfill my duty. I no longer felt hesitant after that. When I signed that contract, I felt like an incredible burden had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt light and relaxed. After that, I put everything into my duty.

One day in 2015, a colleague from the hospital I used to work at called me. He said that a director of a private hospital was opening a nursing home that would have the highest rating in the county and had asked if I’d like to work there. At the time, I immediately turned it down. But then, a few days later the director called me personally and said if I went to work for him, he’d give me my own room to live in, a salary of 3,000 yuan per month and my husband could do his stroke rehab there for free. We would effectively have no living expenses and could make 3,000 yuan on top of that with no strings attached. I was starting to waver on my previous answer and said I’d think it over. That night I tossed and turned in bed and couldn’t get to sleep. If I rejected the offer I’d be missing out on an amazing opportunity, but if I accepted it, I wouldn’t be able to do my duty. I thought back on how difficult and painful it was back then when I split my time between the clinic and my duty. God had sacrificed so much for me, I had to stop hesitating and looking backward. I thought of God’s words which say: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). After pondering over God’s words, it became clear to me that what on the surface was just a normal phone call between former colleagues was actually a spiritual battle. Satan was trying to tempt me and God was testing me. It was up to me to decide. I thought of how when Lot’s wife was delivered from Sodom by the angels, because she kept thinking of her possessions and looked back, she was turned into a pillar of salt. It had been hard enough for me to break free from Satan’s clutches, I couldn’t become a mark of humiliation like Lot’s wife. Realizing this, I firmly rejected the offer.

Later on, I began to reflect on why I was distracted by these temptations. I clearly knew that pursuing these things was meaningless and worthless, but I still felt so conflicted and couldn’t abandon them. What was at the root of this issue? In the midst of my seeking, I came upon a passage of God’s words: “In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very subtle kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and in doing so they also unknowingly come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). God’s words helped me see the light and allowed me to realize the reason I’d been so conflicted about abandoning my clinic was that I was being controlled and ensnared by fame and gain. Satan uses fame and gain to corrupt people and makes them pursue fame and gain their whole lives, ultimately leading them to sacrifice their lives for these things. I reflected on how from a young age my parents had taught me that the only way to distinguish myself was to get a good job. When I saw that doctors have a good and stable income and are highly respected, I made it my goal to become a doctor and worked tirelessly to achieve that end. After entering the faith and eating and drinking God’s words, I came to know that I should pursue the truth in my faith and that pursuing wealth and status was an empty pursuit. But due to being fettered by fame and gain, I still wanted to realize my dream of distinguishing myself even as I performed my duty. When I was forced to choose between my duty and the clinic, I wanted to switch to an easier duty, and I started going through the motions in my duty, which was deleterious to church work. Satan wanted to make me live by these thoughts and viewpoints, putting all my energy into the pursuit of wealth, fame and gain. As a result, I didn’t have time or energy to pursue the truth and do my duty and would even betray God in the name of fame and gain, completely losing a chance at salvation. This is how Satan corrupts mankind. Famous people spend their whole lives striving for fame and gain, but when they ultimately attain those things, they cannot fill the spiritual hole in their hearts and they become more and more depraved. Some of them even turn to drugs to chase that high and some commit suicide. I thought of a former colleague of mine who, despite being somewhat famous within his hospital, still wasn’t satisfied and opened his own private hospital. But later, he not only lost all of his hard-earned savings due to causing the death of a patient, the patient’s family also stipulated he had to wear mourning clothes and kowtow in the hearse of the former patient for 10 plus hours. In the end, his reputation was ruined and his wife and kids left him. People spend their whole lives pursuing fame, gain and respect, but what do any of these things actually give people? It just feeds their vanity in the moment and gets them addicted and obsessed with that feeling. As such, they have no time or energy to seek God and completely lose God’s salvation. Is this not the despicable method by which Satan torments and devours mankind? God’s work is already in its final stage, the kingdom gospel has spread throughout the world, and as soon as God’s work is finished there will be no more chances to pursue the truth! There’s not much time left to pursue the truth and experience God’s work, and even if we put all of our time into it, it’s still not easy to attain the truth. How did I expect to attain the truth when I devoted half of my time to my clinic and the remaining half to pursuing the truth? If not for God’s salvation and guidance, I never would have realized all this. I would have continued to be tormented by Satan and would have missed my chance at God’s salvation.

Thinking back on my years of faith, despite the fact that my flesh has suffered to a degree, and I might not have the same prestige I once had, I’ve come to understand some truths and have come to know how Satan corrupts mankind and what kind of life is most valuable and meaningful. I feel much more peaceful, at ease and liberated. This is a feeling that no worldly thing could give me. Later on, no matter how people tried to entice me to take new jobs with great perks, I never wavered again. These days, I’ve come to see how the pursuit of fame and gain harms me and I have abandoned my clinic to do my duty. This is all due to God’s salvation and is the best choice for me. Thank God!