By Stanley, South Korea

I’m a watering team leader in the church. I thought that anyone who wanted to be a qualified and competent team leader had to take on everything themselves, and I expected as much from myself. As soon as I noticed that something needed doing in our team, no matter how big or small, I’d take the initiative to do it myself, including some general affairs. I even took over jobs that my brothers and sisters could do, saying generously, “I’ll do that, you don’t need to.” Whenever this happened, I felt an inexplicable sense of pride, and that I really was a caring and responsible team leader. Over time, my brothers and sisters started coming to me whenever they had any kind of problem. My supervisor also praised me for putting in long hours performing my duty and for being able to endure hardship and pay a price. It was very gratifying to hear this, as it made me feel like a really competent team leader.

Later, more and more new believers accepted God’s work in the last days, and I had a lot more newcomers to water than before. In addition to gathering with new believers every day, I also trained them, teaching them how to host gatherings, how to spread the gospel, and so on. My schedule was already very tight, but on top of that, the brothers and sisters in my team wanted my say-so even to arrange gatherings for new believers. With so much to do, I often got hung up on these trivial matters, which disrupted my schedule and left me too busy to even attend to my devotionals. Although I was really busy every day and never idle, I wasn’t following up much on priority tasks. This often made me feel anxious, but I didn’t know what to do about it. Once, the sister I was partnered with asked me, “You always say that you’re busy, but what do you actually do every day?” Faced with my sister’s question, I just felt very aggrieved that she didn’t empathize with me. Later, when the brothers and sisters encountered problems watering new believers and came to talk to me about it, I would grumble to myself, “This is a basic principle that waterers need to master. Why are you coming to me to resolve such simple problems—can’t you learn to do it yourselves? Is it that you don’t want to make an effort?” I didn’t want to keep taking care of those matters anymore, and I felt that my brothers and sisters should handle them independently. But then I thought, “I’m the team leader. If I don’t take care of these problems and let the brothers and sisters handle them instead, won’t that undermine my value as a team leader? Might someone say that I haven’t fulfilled my responsibilities and that I shirk my duties? If the leader finds out, might she say that I’m incompetent? Never mind—if it’s something that I can do myself, I’ll just do it.” So most of the time I kept doing all of the team’s work myself, from major tasks such as arranging gatherings, and solving the problems of new believers, to minor ones such as helping the brothers and sisters to relay messages, and finding people to take care of general affairs. I rushed to do these things, even though I didn’t really want to, so that no one would doubt me as a team leader. I can’t begin to describe how drained I felt sometimes, juggling so many different things at once. All I could do was console myself by thinking, “I am a team leader, after all. Team leaders must be willing to work hard.” And just like that, I kept taking all matters, both big and small, into my own hands, living in a state of perpetual busyness. Although being rushed off my feet every day won me the admiration and approval of some of my brothers and sisters, there was no peace or joy in my heart. I always felt that I was making a mess of my duty, and I had no time to do a lot of critical tasks because I was overwhelmed with trivial matters.

One time, I mentioned my difficulties to the leader, and it was only after she fellowshipped with me that I gained some principles of practice. She asked me, “Aren’t you taking on a bit too much work? If you don’t let the brothers and sisters do their own work and shoulder it all by yourself instead, you’re bound to be busy. You can let them practice doing some of the less important tasks. Even if they don’t do them well, it won’t have a big impact on the church’s work. If it really is a job that no one else can do, then you must do it yourself. But if other people can do it, and you don’t let them try or give them a chance to practice, and you just take everything on yourself instead, aren’t you underestimating them, and just trying to show off? That is an outpouring of corruption.” Her fellowship hit the nail on the head regarding my state. I used to think that doing more showed that I was bearing a burden, but I never reflected on whether my actions were based on the principles, or whether they were adulterated. When I thought about it, my secret motive for taking on everything in my duty was to show off, rather than to bear a burden. In some cases, it wasn’t that other people couldn’t do a task or that they didn’t have time to, rather, it was because I thought that the more I did, the more everyone would approve of me, and say that I was a competent team leader who was responsible and bore a burden in his duty. I regarded doing my duty as a means of winning admiration from others. I kept “busy” and “bore a burden” in order to show my value as a team leader and win a place in others’ hearts. Because I had the wrong intents in my duty and always wanted to protect my status, much of the team’s work rested on my shoulders, and my brothers and sisters didn’t have any opportunity to practice. And since there was a limit to what I could do, some key tasks ended up being delayed, thereby harming the work of the church and the lives of my brothers and sisters.

Later, after reading God’s words, I gained some understanding of my problems. Almighty God says: “Some people testify about themselves using language, and speak some words that show themselves off, while other people use behaviors. What are the manifestations of a person using behaviors to testify about themselves? On the surface, they engage in some behaviors that are rather in line with people’s notions, that attract people’s attention, and that are seen by people as quite noble and rather in conformity with moral standards. These behaviors make people think that they are honorable, that they have integrity, that they really love God, are very pious, and really possess a God-fearing heart, and that they are a person who pursues the truth. They often display some external good behaviors in order to mislead people—does this not also reek of exalting and testifying about oneself? Usually people exalt and testify about themselves by means of words, using clear speech to express how they are different from the masses and how they have wiser opinions than others, in order to make people think highly of them and look up to them. However, there are some methods that do not involve explicit speech, where people instead use external practices to testify that they are better than others. These sorts of practices are well thought-out, they carry with them a motive and a certain intent, and they are quite purposeful. They have been wrapped and processed so that what people see are some behaviors and practices that are in line with man’s notions, that are noble, pious, and conform to saintly decency, and that are even God-loving, God-fearing, and in line with the truth. This achieves the same goal of exalting and testifying about themselves and getting people to think highly of them and worship them. Have you ever encountered or seen such a thing? Do you possess these manifestations? Are these things and this topic which I am discussing separate from real life? Actually, they are not. … Some people drink coffee to boost their energy in the evening in preparation to stay up late doing their duties. The brothers and sisters worry about their health and cook chicken soup for them. When they finish the soup, these people say, ‘Thanks be to god! I have enjoyed the grace of god. I don’t deserve this. Now that I’ve finished this chicken soup, I have to be more efficient in doing my duties!’ In reality, they continue to do their duties in the same way that they usually do, without raising their efficiency at all. Are they not pretending? They are pretending, and this type of behavior is also covertly exalting and testifying about themselves; the outcome it achieves is to make people approve of them, think highly of them, and become their diehard followers. If people have this sort of mentality, have they not forgotten God? They no longer have God in their hearts, so who is the one they think of day and night? It is their ‘good leader,’ their ‘beloved one.’ Some antichrists are very loving toward most people on the surface, and they employ techniques when they speak, so that people will see that they are loving, and be willing to get closer to them. They beam at anyone who gets close to them and engages with them, and they speak to such people with a very gentle tone. Even if they see that some brothers and sisters have been unprincipled in their actions, and thereby harmed the interests of the church, they do not prune them in the slightest, they merely exhort them and comfort them, and coax them as they do their duties—they coax and coax people until they have brought everyone before them. People are gradually moved by these antichrists; everyone very much approves of their loving hearts and calls them people who love God. Eventually, everyone worships them and seeks their fellowship on every matter, telling these antichrists all of their innermost thoughts and feelings, to the point that they don’t even pray to God or seek the truth in God’s words anymore. Have these people not been misled by these antichrists? This is another means that antichrists use to mislead people. When you engage in these behaviors and practices, or harbor these intentions, are you aware that there is a problem within this? And when you become aware of this, can you change the course of your actions? If you can reflect on yourself and feel true remorse when you become aware and examine that your behavior, practices, or intentions are problematic, this proves that you have reversed your course” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). From the revelation of God’s words, I saw that people outwardly adopt various “good” behaviors that conform with man’s notions in order to win the admiration and appreciation of others, but in essence, these behaviors are simply a way of covertly exalting and bearing testimony to themselves, which is very hypocritical and can easily mislead people. When I thought about it, I saw that I was that type of person. Outwardly I seemed to be busy performing my duty every day, enduring hardship, paying a price, and taking everything on myself—I seemed to be a qualified and competent team leader. But behind all that, I was harboring my own despicable, secret intent, which was to gain people’s admiration. I thought about how the brothers and sisters would come to ask me about all sorts of matters, both big and small, in the course of their duties, and how they relied on me to resolve everything. The fact was that they could have discussed and resolved some of those problems without my involvement. But the thought of how everyone trusted and admired me drove me to throw aside our work priorities and do everything myself, even if I didn’t have the time, just to protect my pride and status. Sometimes, if I skipped a meal to host a gathering for new believers, my sisters would urge me to go and eat. I was actually secretly pleased by the thought of them seeing me too busy with my duties to even eat. I thought that they must admire me and think that I could really endure hardship and pay a price, and that I was a competent team leader. Due to being “busy,” I also enjoyed all sorts of “privileges” and earned sympathy from others, which I used to cover up some of my deviations and inadequacies. For example, if I didn’t write a life experience testimony article, I would justify it by telling myself that I was too busy. When some of the team’s tasks that I was responsible for weren’t done in time, I would indulge myself and say that it was because I was too busy. And when deviations and errors appeared in my duty and I wasn’t getting good results watering new believers, I gave the brothers and sisters the same excuse so that they’d make allowances for me. Just like that, I kept busy all day long, showing people that I was a good team leader with a packed schedule. Not only was I appreciated by my supervisor, I was also admired and relied on by some of the brothers and sisters. And yet, at the same time, I was also covering up the deviations and errors in my work. My intents really were despicable! I thought about why the brothers and sisters liked coming to me whenever they encountered problems and relied on me to do everything—it was mainly because I tried to take on everything myself. My brothers and sisters admired me, I had a place in their hearts, and whenever they encountered problems, they didn’t pray and rely on God, or seek the truth principles, they just came to ask me instead. By keeping busy in that way, I was really just acting willfully, covertly showing off, winning people’s hearts, and keeping them away from God.

At that time, I thought of a passage of God’s words that I had once read: “Some people seem quite enthusiastic in their belief in God. They love to attend to and concern themselves with the affairs of the church, and they’re always running ahead. And yet, unexpectedly, they disappoint everyone once they become leaders. They don’t focus on resolving the practical problems of God’s chosen people, instead doing their utmost to act for the sake of their own reputation and status. They love showing off to make others esteem them, and they’re always talking about how they expend themselves and suffer for God, yet they don’t put their efforts into pursuing the truth and their life entry. This isn’t what anyone expects of them. Though they busy themselves with their work, show off on every occasion, preach some words and doctrines, gain the esteem and worship of some people, mislead people’s hearts, and consolidate their status, what comes of this in the end? Regardless of whether these people use small favors to bribe others, or flaunt their gifts and abilities, or use various methods to mislead people and thereby win their good opinion, no matter what method they use to win over people’s hearts and occupy a position therein, what have they lost? They have lost the opportunity to gain the truth while doing the duties of a leader. At the same time, because of their various manifestations, they have also accumulated evil deeds that will bring about their ultimate outcome. Regardless of whether they are using small favors to bribe and ensnare people, or flaunting themselves, or using facades to mislead people, and no matter how many benefits and how much satisfaction they outwardly seem to obtain from doing this, looking at it now, is this path a correct one? Is it the path of pursuing the truth? Is it a path that can bring about one’s salvation? Clearly, it is not. Regardless of how smart these methods and tricks are, they cannot deceive God, and they are all ultimately condemned and loathed by God, because hidden behind such behaviors is man’s ambition and an attitude and essence of antagonism toward God. In God’s heart, He would absolutely never recognize these people as those who are doing their duties, and would instead define them as evildoers. What verdict does God pass when dealing with evildoers? ‘Depart from Me, you that work iniquity.’ When God says, ‘Depart from Me,’ where does He want such people to go? He is handing them over to Satan, to the places inhabited by throngs of Satans. What is the ultimate consequence for them? They are tormented to death by evil spirits, which is to say they are devoured by Satan. God does not want these people, which means He will not save them, they are not God’s sheep, let alone His followers, so they are not among the ones He will save. This is how these people are defined by God. So, just what is the nature of trying to win over the hearts of others? It is walking the path of an antichrist; it is an antichrist’s behavior and essence. Even more serious is an essence of vying against God for His chosen people; such people are enemies of God. This is how antichrists are defined and categorized, and it is completely accurate” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item One: They Try to Win Over People’s Hearts). God’s words revealed my problem exactly. Since becoming a team leader, I had tried to take on everything myself. On the surface, I was an understanding, considerate team leader who actively helped my brothers and sisters with whatever needed doing, but my real intent and goal was to do things that served my own reputation and status, to win people’s hearts, and gain their admiration. That was a kind of fraud and trickery! I was just like the officials under the great red dragon, who deceive ordinary folk by doing a bit of work just to make themselves look good under the guise of “serving the people,” so that they will revere them and sing their praises. I was just the same—outwardly I was busy performing my duty, but secretly I wanted people to think that I worked hard, and wanted them to admire and worship me. Because I took on everything myself, no one else got much of a chance to practice in their duties. They still admired me nevertheless, to the extent that whenever they encountered any issues, they didn’t seek God, they instead relied on me to resolve them. They had no place for God in their hearts. I wasn’t performing my duty properly at all! Clearly, I was doing evil and walking the path of the antichrist! I prayed to God and asked Him to lead me in seeking the truth principles to resolve my problems and to stop acting based on my corrupt disposition.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “In performing your duty, you are not required to take on everything yourself, nor are you required to work yourself to death, or to be ‘the only flower in blossom’ or maverick; rather, you are required to learn how to cooperate with others in harmony, and to do all you can, to fulfill your responsibilities, to exert all your energy. That is what it means to perform your duty. To perform your duty is to brandish all the power and light that you have in order to achieve a result. That is enough. Do not try always to show off, always to say high-sounding things, to do things by yourself. You should learn how to work with others, and you should focus more on listening to others’ suggestions and discovering their strengths. In this way, cooperating in harmony becomes easy. If you try always to show off and have what you say go, you are not cooperating in harmony. What are you doing? You are causing a disturbance and undermining others. To cause a disturbance and undermine others is to play the role of Satan; it is not the performance of duty. If you always do things that cause a disturbance and undermine others, then no matter how much effort you expend or care you take, God will not remember. You may be of little strength, but if you are capable of working with others, and are able to accept suitable suggestions, and if you have the right motivations, and can protect the work of God’s house, then you are a right person. Sometimes, with a single sentence, you can solve a problem and benefit everyone; sometimes, after you fellowship on a single statement of the truth, everyone has a path to practice, and is able to work harmoniously together, and all strive toward a common goal, and share the same views and opinions, and so work is particularly effective. Although no one might remember that you played this role, and you might not feel as if you made much effort, God will see that you are a person who practices the truth, a person who acts according to the principles. God will remember your having done so. This is called performing your duty loyally” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). From God’s words, I saw my problems clearly and found some paths of practice. If I wanted to perform my duty properly, I had to learn to coordinate harmoniously with others, and focus on allowing them to make use of their strengths. There are limits to what one person can do alone—no one is capable of doing all the work by themselves. We can only achieve good results in our duties when we are all of one heart and mind and when all of our respective strengths are put to use. Only when people have the right intents, namely to safeguard the church’s work, are they performing their duties in line with God’s intentions. That is much more effective than one person taking on all of the work. In the past, I not only exhausted myself by busily rushing around and trying to be the only star shining, I also made a mess of my duties. The strengths of my brothers and sisters were not utilized, and a lot of important work was delayed. By comparing the revelation of God’s words to my own behavior, I finally understood why God says that always showing off in one’s duty and not cooperating harmoniously with others disrupts the church’s work.

After that, I consciously put God’s words into practice. I divided up the work in a logical way: I mainly took responsibility for following up on key tasks, and I assigned other jobs to suitable brothers and sisters based on their areas of expertise. When the others encountered problems that they couldn’t resolve, we all sought the principles together. Once the brothers and sisters understood the principles, they naturally had a direction and a path for performing their duties. Now that I have been putting God’s words into practice for a while, I find that my brothers and sisters bear more of a burden in their duties than before. They are able to take initiative and seek the principles to resolve some problems, and they can complete some tasks independently by relying on God. Sometimes, when I encounter difficulties in the tasks I am responsible for, I also seek help from my brothers and sisters, and I gain a lot from it. Our team has been getting better and better results in our work by cooperating like this. The brothers and sisters are able to practice to varying degrees and they have made some progress. I feel much more relaxed and at peace. Gradually, I have begun to find time to reflect on the problems in my own work, and I have started writing experience testimony articles normally again. I don’t look as busy as I used to, but I find it easier to identify deviations and problems in the work, and I have become more efficient in my duty.