By Aubry, South Korea

In September 2020, I was responsible for coordinating the post-production work of hymn audio. I took care of all the big and small matters in the team, and the team leader consulted with me on various issues. The brothers and sisters were also willing to discuss their states and difficulties with me. The team leader said, “Over the years, many coordinators have come and gone in our team, but you have been the longest-serving one here. You can manage all aspects of the work well, and are quite capable of coordinating.” Sometimes, when I fellowshipped with the brothers and sisters, I would hear some of them say, “Fellowshipping with you makes my mind so much clearer.” Every time I heard such words, I felt very satisfied. I thought that I was the most suitable person for this duty, and that it best embodied the value of my existence. Thus, I loved this duty very much.

Unexpectedly, in January 2023, due to work needs, I was reassigned to the song recording team. I had not recorded any songs for over four years, so I had to learn some skills and techniques from scratch. I became the least skilled person in the team. Previously, as a coordinator, other team members would come to me for advice on various matters. Now, I had to ask others for everything. Anyone in the team could come and guide me in my work and point out my deficiencies, which made me feel very uncomfortable. I thought, “I used to be the one arranging tasks for others. But now, anyone can direct me. Where can I hide my face? What will the brothers and sisters think of me? That won’t do. I need to practice singing diligently and strive to improve my skills as quickly as possible, so that others won’t constantly point out my problems.” Despite my efforts, my singing techniques still had many issues. The same happened during the shooting of choir videos. Since I hadn’t participated in a shoot for a long time, my expressions appeared unnatural. Even though I practiced hard, I could only stand in the last row as part of the background, with barely any shots capturing me throughout the song. This made me feel even more upset. I thought, “I can’t sing well; I can’t perform well. I’m the worst in every aspect. No matter how hard I try, I can’t catch up with others. Am I destined to remain in the background forever? What is the value of doing this duty then? How can I face anyone?” Thinking of my past “glory” and comparing it to my current “downfall,” I cried out of grievance. This situation made me so painful and repressed. I lost all enthusiasm and even thought of leaving the team. I increasingly missed my days as a coordinator, always fantasizing about returning to that role one day. That way, I wouldn’t be in such pain. Then I could do my duty with ease, arrange others’ tasks in style, and continue enjoying being looked up to by the brothers and sisters. I knew my state was not right. In the pain, I came before God to pray, asking Him to lead me out of this state.

During my devotionals, I kept pondering: It’s normal to be unfamiliar with the skills in a new duty. The brothers and sisters also fellowshipped with me, encouraging me not to worry, and saying that with practice, I would improve over time. But why did what seemed normal to others often make me feel so negative and even want to run away? I read these words of God: “Let no person think of themselves as perfect, distinguished, noble, or distinct from others; all this is brought about by man’s arrogant disposition and ignorance. Always thinking of oneself as set apart—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never being able to accept their shortcomings, and never being able to confront their mistakes and failures—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to be higher than themselves, or to be better than themselves—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never allowing others’ strengths to surpass or exceed their own—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to have better thoughts, suggestions, and views than themselves, and, when they discover that others are better than themselves, becoming negative, not wishing to speak, feeling distressed and dejected, and becoming upset—all of this is caused by an arrogant disposition. An arrogant disposition can make you protective of your reputation, unable to accept others’ corrections, unable to confront your shortcomings, and unable to accept your own failures and mistakes. More than that, when someone is better than you, it can cause hatred and jealousy to emerge in your heart, and you can feel constrained, such that you do not wish to do your duty and become perfunctory in performing it. An arrogant disposition can cause these behaviors and practices to emerge in you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). I compared myself to God’s words and reflected. I came to understand my nature was too arrogant. Over the past two years, I had gained some experience in my coordination duty and achieved some results. This made me think I was smart and capable in my work, always the leader in any group. I believed that I should be the one arranging work for others and not the other way around. Even after I was reassigned to a duty that required learning new skills, I felt that I had to learn faster than everyone else. Other team members had struggled with their singing and had taken months of training or even longer to gradually harmonize their voices with everyone. However, I expected myself to catch up with them within a few weeks. After failing to meet this expectation, I felt upset and negative. During filming, when I saw other brothers and sisters with better expressions and conditions than mine, I also felt uncomfortable. When I wasn’t put in many shots, I became negative and even thought of giving up my singing duty. I couldn’t keep going in an environment that seemed ordinary to others. Even a small setback or difficulty made me want to shirk my responsibilities and abandon my duty. I was truly arrogant and lacking in reason! When the brothers and sisters offered guidance and help, I wasn’t able to treat it properly, even feeling that it wounded my pride. I realized that my distress and negativity weren’t because I hadn’t done my duty well enough to satisfy God, but because I was the worst in the group and couldn’t get the brothers’ and sisters’ admiration and praise. I then read another passage of God’s words: “What is their motive in making people think highly of them? (To be given status in such people’s minds.) When you are given status in the mind of someone else, then when they are in your company, they are deferential toward you, and especially polite when they talk to you. They always look up to you, they always let you go first in all things, they give way to you, and they flatter and obey you. In all things, they seek you out and let you make decisions. And you get a sense of enjoyment from this—you feel that you are stronger and better than anyone else. Everyone likes this feeling. This is the feeling of having status in someone’s heart; people wish to indulge in this. This is why people vie for status, and all wish to be given status in others’ hearts, to be esteemed and worshiped by others. If they could not derive such enjoyment from it, they would not pursue status. For example, if you do not have status in someone’s mind, they would engage with you on an equal footing, treating you as an equal. They would contradict you when necessary, they would not be courteous or respectful toward you, and might even leave before you have finished speaking. Would you feel put out? You do not like it when people treat you like this; you like it when they flatter you, look up to you, and worship you at every moment. You like it when you are the center of everything, everything revolves around you, and everyone listens to you, looks up to you, and submits to your direction. Is this not a desire to reign as a king, to have power? Your words and actions are driven by the pursuit and acquisition of status, and you contend, grasp, and compete with others for it. Your goal is to seize a position, and have God’s chosen people listen to you, support you, and worship you. Once you have taken hold of that position, you have then acquired power and can enjoy the benefits of status, admiration from others, and all other advantages that come with that position” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading God’s words, I was deeply moved and immediately understood that my reluctance to let go of my previous coordination duty stemmed from my deep desire to be looked up to and my craving for the benefits of status. Reflecting on my time in the previous team, when I arranged everything well, I received everyone’s praise. In addition, the brothers and sisters respected my opinions, the team leader discussed all matters with me, and everyone spoke to me very politely. In such an environment, I felt strongly that I was important, receiving attention and admiration from everyone. I greatly enjoyed that feeling. After starting the singing duty, I couldn’t keep up with the other team members in various regards. No one asked for my opinions or consulted me on work matters anymore, and instead, everyone frequently gave me suggestions, so I wanted to escape this environment. To improve my skill level, I would get up early and rest late to practice singing, putting in more effort than others, hoping that one day I would regain the admiration and praise of others. Even if I couldn’t be the most outstanding, at the very least, I wouldn’t be ignored in any aspect like I was now. I knew well that improving my singing was a gradual process, but I was still eager for quick results. When I didn’t see significant progress after a period of effort, I became negative and lost all enthusiasm. Now I realized that my desire wasn’t simply to perform the songs well but to quickly improve my skill level, so that I could escape the current situation of being neglected and overlooked, and become someone valued in the group. I compared my various manifestations to what God’s words exposed, and I realized that I had been unwilling to be directed by others, unwilling to be ignored, and always wanted to have the final say and the authority to take command in a group. I sought to be supported and looked up to, wanting to secure a place in everyone’s hearts. Wasn’t this walking the path of antichrists? I felt very fearful and hurriedly came before God to pray, “Oh God, I have been intransigent and rebellious lately. Just because I couldn’t receive the admiration and attention of the brothers and sisters, I wanted to shirk my responsibilities and abandon my duty, and couldn’t submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements. Now I realize that the path I am on is wrong. I am willing to repent. Please guide me to a deeper understanding of myself.”

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; they would not consider these problems otherwise. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less something extraneous that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). From God’s words, I understood that antichrists always prioritize their own reputation and status in everything they do. They treat reputation and status as their lifelong goals. Wasn’t my pursuit the same as that of antichrists? Looking back, ever since I was a child, my parents and teachers taught me that life should be lived with ambition, that in any group, I should strive to be the best and become an example for others to follow, and that only in this way can my life have value. I remembered that as a child, before participating in various competitions, I would first assess my chances of winning. If I was confident of winning, I would participate; if my chances were slim, I would rather not participate than risk losing face. In my mind, there was no concept of “Participating is what counts,” only “Winning is everything.” This approach had carried over into my duties in God’s house. I always wanted to do the duties I was skilled at, as it would show my work capability and earn others’ approval. I was unwilling to take on tasks I wasn’t good at, not wanting the brothers and sisters to see my ignorant and clumsy side. I could see that every revelation and action of mine revolved around reputation and status. What I revealed was exactly the disposition of antichrists. When I had reputation and status, I felt energized in my work, and found the duty valuable and meaningful. Once I lost that reputation and status, I likewise lost the desire to do my duty. Making considerations and plans for my own reputation and status came as naturally to me as eating and sleeping every day. Such satanic philosophies as “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward” had deeply rooted themselves in my heart, becoming the goals and standards for how I acted. If I did not repent and change, sooner or later, I would be revealed and eliminated by God for following the path of antichrists in pursuit of reputation and status.

At a gathering, I heard a passage of God’s words, which gave me a clear path of practice, and an understanding of God’s requirements for humanity. Almighty God says: “Since you wish to remain peacefully in God’s house as a member, you should first learn how to be a good created being and fulfill your duties according to your place. In God’s house, you would then become a created being that lives up to its name. Created being is your outward identity and title, and it should come with specific manifestations and substance. It’s not just about having the title; but since you are a created being, you should fulfill the duties of a created being. Since you are a created being, you should fulfill the responsibilities of such. So, what are the duties and responsibilities of a created being? God’s word clearly lays out the duties, obligations, and responsibilities of created beings, doesn’t it? From today onward, you are a genuine member of God’s house, that is to say, you acknowledge yourself as one of the created beings of God. Consequently, from today, you should reconsider your life plans. You should no longer pursue but should let go of the ideals, desires, and goals you previously set for your life. Instead, you should change your identity and perspective in order to plan the life goals and direction that a created being should have. First and foremost, your goals and direction should not be to become a leader, or to lead or excel in any industry, or to become a renowned figure who carries out a certain task or masters a particular skill. Your goal should be to accept your duty from God, that is, to know what work you should be doing now, at this moment, and to understand what duty you need to perform. You need to ask what God requires of you and what duty has been arranged for you in His house. You should understand and gain clarity on the principles that should be understood, laid hold of, and followed regarding that duty. If you can’t remember them, you can write them down on paper or record them on your computer. Take the time to review them and ponder over them. As a member of created beings, your primary life goal should be to fulfill your duty as a created being and be a qualified created being. This is the most fundamental life goal you should have. Second and more specific is how to fulfill your duty as a created being and be a qualified created being. Of course, any goals or directions related to your reputation, status, vanity, future, and so on should be relinquished” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). God requires every created being to fulfill their duties according to their places and to know what their current work and duties are. Any goals related to their own reputation, status, or future should be forsaken. My current duty is singing. What I should do is focus more on studying singing skills and techniques, and strive to improve my singing as soon as possible. I should not cling to the glory of my previous role as a coordinator, nor be preoccupied with concerns about how my reputation and status are affected while practicing singing. These are not manifestations of being down-to-earth in doing duties. Understanding this, I tried my best to practice according to God’s words, focusing on addressing my corrupt disposition and fallacious viewpoints in the process of practicing singing. Whenever I was concerned about my face and status and hesitant to sing openly, I silently prayed to God, asking Him to guide and help me put down my pride and status. Although sometimes I still felt despondent and upset about not singing well, through eating and drinking God’s words, I could be clearly aware that my view on pursuit was wrong. God does not require humans to be leaders or outstanding figures in any industry, but rather tells people to uphold their duties and responsibilities. Realizing this, I quickly adjusted my negative emotions, and became less constrained in my singing. After some time, our supervisor said that I made some progress in singing and allowed me to join the recording. Seeing this small improvement in my skills, I felt very happy. And I realized that progress in the skills is closely connected to personal life entry. When I was focused on my reputation and status, I felt bound and constrained in everything, and could not feel God’s guidance in my duty. But when I was willing to set aside my pride and status and practice my skills earnestly, I unknowingly discovered some paths of practice.

Through this experience, I truly realized that pursuing reputation and status, rather than the truth, did not help me do my duty well. Instead, it had an impact on church work. I also realized that this reassignment in my duty was God’s great protection for me. It allowed me to see my corruption and deficiencies, find my proper place, submit, and do my duty with peace of mind. Thank God for His salvation to me!