By Lucas, South Korea

In 2020, our church’s gospel work wasn’t producing good results, and so the gospel deacon was dismissed, and I was chosen to be the new gospel deacon. Hearing this news, I was both anxious and happy, thinking to myself, “Since the brothers and sisters chose me, it means I have potential. I’ve been spreading the gospel for several years now, but I haven’t been a gospel deacon before. Now that I finally have the opportunity, I need to work hard and show everyone my abilities.” In the following days, I worked with the brothers and sisters in spreading the gospel, continually summarizing and correcting deviations from previous work, and I often sought out others for fellowship on issues I didn’t understand. After some time, the gospel work showed significant improvement. The leaders encouraged us to keep up the good work and the brothers and sisters praised me for being resourceful and having good caliber. My vanity was greatly satisfied. I thought to myself, “Given that I was the one who turned things around with the gospel work, it seems my caliber is indeed much better than that of the previous gospel deacon.” I felt very self-satisfied, as if I had become the backbone of the church’s gospel work, and that I was indispensable. Gradually, I became more and more arrogant, ignoring the brothers’ and sisters’ suggestions and making all decisions on my own. When discussing work, decisions were often approved by everyone, but got stuck when it came to me. I always thought my own ideas were correct, and insisted on dismissing their viewpoints and going with mine. Once, we were preaching to a pastor from a religious denomination, and when the previous gospel deacon learned of this, she warned me that this person had an arrogant disposition and had relatively distorted understanding, making it difficult for him to accept the true way, and so she suggested that I preach to others first. But I refused to listen, thinking, “This pastor has believed in the Lord for many years and has many religious notions, so it’s normal if he can’t accept the truth right away. Besides, you’ve been dismissed, proving that you were less capable than me in this duty. Now I am the gospel deacon and I’ve got considerable preaching experience, I believe this time I will succeed!” Unexpectedly, after several days of fellowship, the pastor still had many notions. At this point, the leader and cooperating brothers and sisters suggested, “It would be better to stop and seek further, and preach to other potential gospel recipients first.” I was displeased upon hearing this, thinking, “Isn’t this questioning my work abilities? Won’t it make me seem inept if I go preach to others now?” I also disregarded the leader’s advice, thinking, “Although you’re a leader and have done your duty longer than I have, in terms of professional skills and practical experience, I am still better. Your suggestions might not be suitable either.” So I continued fellowshipping with the pastor. In the end, the pastor not only rejected the gospel, but also sealed off his own church and prevented believers from investigating the true way. I was stunned. I dared not argue back when I was exposed and pruned by the leader, and could only obediently admit that I had been too arrogant, and that I had obstructed and disrupted the gospel work. However, this setback did not wake me up, and I felt deep down that this had just been a minor failure, and did not reflect my work abilities, so I only behaved myself for a few days, and after that, I returned to my old ways, not cooperating with others in my duties. When others didn’t follow my suggestions in work discussions, I felt unhappy and often showed a bad attitude. Over time, everyone was impacted by me and lived in a repressed mood. The results of our duties also continued to decline. The leader repeatedly pruned me for my arrogant disposition, and harshly dissected and exposed me, but after each time I was pruned, I could only control myself for a while, and over time, my old habits would return. Later, the leader saw that my disposition was too arrogant, that I acted arbitrarily in my duties, did not accept being pruned, and that I was causing obstructions to the church’s work, so they dismissed me.

I was well aware that being dismissed was God’s righteous disposition coming upon me and that I should accept and obey it, but I felt somewhat despondent. When I thought about how, over the past six months, despite the many prunings I had faced, my corrupt disposition hadn’t changed much, I concluded that I was not a person who pursued the truth, and that my corrupt disposition might never be able to change. One day, while having a meal, I ran into two brothers. They learned that I had been dismissed and so they shared their own experiences to support and help me. They said that they had also been arrogant, self-righteous, and arbitrary in their duties before, and that it was only after being dismissed that they came before God to reflect on themselves and gain some understanding of the truth of their corruption. They deeply repented and detested themselves, and they no longer wanted to live according to their satanic disposition. After their experiences, they realized that without God’s judgment, chastisement, chastening, and discipline, they would not have come to know themselves or repent to God. The brothers’ candid fellowship deeply touched me, and I knew this was God encouraging and helping me through the brothers. I should no longer be negative. I had to reflect on myself and pursue dispositional change.

From then on, I consciously read more of God’s words and reflected on my actions and conduct. I read two passages of God’s words: “Some people never seek the truth while performing their duties. They merely do as they please, acting according to their own imaginings, and are ever arbitrary and rash. They simply do not walk the path of practicing the truth. What does it mean to be ‘arbitrary and rash’? It means to act however you see fit when you encounter an issue, without any process of thinking or searching. Nothing anyone else says can touch your heart or change your mind. You can’t even accept it when the truth is fellowshipped to you, you stick to your own opinions, not listening when other people say anything right, believing yourself right, and clinging to your own ideas. Even if your thinking is correct, you should take other people’s opinions into consideration as well. And if you don’t at all, is this not being extremely self-righteous? It is not easy for people who are extremely self-righteous and willful to accept the truth. If you do something wrong and others criticize you, saying, ‘You’re not doing it according to the truth!’ you reply, ‘Even if I’m not, this is still how I’m going to do it,’ and then you find some reason to make them think this is right. If they reproach you, saying, ‘You acting like this is disruptive, and it will damage the work of the church,’ not only do you not listen, but you keep coming out with excuses: ‘I think this is the right way, so this is how I’m going to do it.’ What disposition is this? (Arrogance.) It is arrogance. An arrogant nature makes you willful. If you have an arrogant nature, you will behave arbitrarily and rashly, heedless of what anyone says” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “I see many people who let it go to their head when they show some talent in their duty. When they show some abilities, they think they are very impressive, and then they live off these abilities and do not push themselves further. They do not listen to others no matter what they say, thinking that these small things they possess are the truth, and that they are supreme. What disposition is this? This is an arrogant disposition. They are far too lacking in reason. Can a person perform their duty well when they have an arrogant disposition? Can they submit to God and follow God to the very end? This is even more difficult. … Some people are always showing off. When others find it distasteful, they criticize them as being arrogant. But they do not accept it; they still think they are talented and skilled. What disposition is this? They are too arrogant and self-righteous. Are people who are this arrogant and self-righteous capable of thirsting for the truth? Can they pursue the truth? If they are never able to know themselves, and do not cast off their corrupt disposition, then can they perform their duty well? Certainly not” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). After reading God’s words, I felt as though my heart was pricked. God’s words exposed my true state. I had been so arrogant and willful, carrying out my duties without seeking the truth, and doing things based on my own imaginings and preferences, doing whatever I pleased. Just because I had some experience from preaching the gospel for a long time and had gotten some results, I became self-satisfied and treated these as personal capital, thinking that I had the best caliber in the group and that my judgment was more accurate than others, so I acted arbitrarily according to my own will, and no matter what others said, I always had my own theoretical basis to refute them, as if I were the only one with any ideas, while others were just ignorant, thoughtless ordinary people. Where was my reason as a normal person? Thinking back to when I was preaching the gospel to that religious pastor, the leader and partnered brothers and sisters gave me suggestions, saying that this person was arrogant and had a distorted understanding, making it hard for him to accept the truth, and they suggested that I should preach to others first. But I felt that I had experience and could judge people accurately, so I just acted willfully. In the end, the facts proved that I lacked discernment about people and did not follow principles in preaching the gospel, which severely affected the gospel work. But even in the face of such obvious failure, I still didn’t properly reflect on myself, and I only took it as a momentary mistake. I had become so numb! Now, by reading God’s words, I was beginning to see my problems more clearly. My failure lay in being too arrogant and self-righteous, and in having an inflated view of myself. If I had some reason and self-knowledge, and if I sought the truth, listened to the suggestions of brothers and sisters, and cooperated with everyone, I wouldn’t have made these mistakes that disrupted and disturbed the gospel work. The more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. How could I have had so much self-confidence? I read that God’s word says: “Are people who are this arrogant and self-righteous capable of thirsting for the truth? Can they pursue the truth? If they are never able to know themselves, and do not cast off their corrupt disposition, then can they perform their duty well? Certainly not.” I began to understand that an arrogant person truly cannot do their duty well. Because I did not yearn for the truth in my heart, when encountering matters, it was impossible for me to actively seek the truth. Even though I could do some work for a time, without changing my satanic disposition, I could only ever rebel against God and resist God involuntarily. Although my understanding of myself was shallow, I was still very grateful. This was something I had not realized before being dismissed, and I sincerely thanked God for His enlightenment, guidance, chastening, and discipline.

In the days that followed, I began to focus on collaborating with brothers and sisters in my duty and on entering into principles more. But unexpectedly, over time, I began to relapse into my old problems. In particular, when I was certain that I was right, and when brothers and sisters did not accept my suggestions, I would explode in hotheadedness and couldn’t resist arguing with them, I always wanted to convince everyone to do things my way, and if I failed, I would sulk. Later, I saw that other viewpoints had merits, and I would feel remorseful. Living repeatedly in the bondage of corrupt disposition, made me very distressed. I prayed to God about this, asking Him to enlighten and guide me. Afterward, I found God’s words exposing the nature of human arrogance to eat and drink. God’s words say: “Being arrogant and self-righteous is man’s most conspicuous satanic disposition, and if people do not accept the truth, they will have no way of cleansing it. People all have arrogant and self-righteous dispositions, and they are always conceited. No matter what they think, or what they say, or how they see things, they always think that their own points of view and their own attitudes are correct, and that what others say is not as good or as right as what they say. They always cling to their own opinions, and no matter who speaks, they will not listen to them. Even if what someone else says is correct, or in line with the truth, they will not accept it; they will only appear to be listening but they will not really adopt the idea, and when it comes time to act, they will still do things their own way, always thinking that what they say is right and reasonable. It is possible that what you say is, indeed, right and reasonable, or that what you have done is right and faultless, but what kind of disposition have you revealed? Is it not one of arrogance and self-righteousness? If you do not cast off this arrogant and self-righteous disposition, will it not affect your performance of your duty? Will it not affect your practice of the truth? If you do not resolve your arrogant and self-righteous disposition, will it not cause you serious setbacks in the future? You will definitely experience setbacks, this is inevitable. Tell Me, can God see such behavior of man? God is more than able to see it! God not only scrutinizes the depths of people’s hearts, He also observes their every word and deed at all times and places. What will God say when He sees this behavior of yours? God will say: ‘You are intransigent! It’s understandable that you might cling to your own ideas when you do not know that you are mistaken, but when you clearly know that you are mistaken and you still cling to your ideas, and would die before repenting, you are just a stubborn fool, and you are in trouble. If, no matter who makes a suggestion, you always adopt a negative, resistant attitude toward it, and do not accept even a little bit of the truth, and if your heart is completely resistant, closed, and dismissive, then you are so ridiculous, you are an absurd person! You are too difficult to deal with!’ In what way are you difficult to deal with? You are difficult to deal with because what you are displaying is not an erroneous approach, or an erroneous behavior, but a revelation of your disposition. A revelation of what disposition? A disposition in which you are averse to the truth, and hate the truth. Once you have been identified as a person who hates the truth, in God’s eyes you are in trouble, and He will spurn and ignore you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). After reading God’s words, I felt as though I was pricked in my heart, I saw that I was exactly the kind of obstinate, intransigent, and arrogant person that God described. A person with normal reason would become more restrained after a few failures and exposures, and when faced with matters, they would think more and seek more, and not dare to insist on their own opinions too much. But a person who is arrogant, self-righteous, and unreasonable, regardless of how many failures they face, these things will not reach their heart, and deep down, they still feel they are right. They can’t let go of themselves to listen to others’ opinions, and even if they know others are right, they still stubbornly cling to their own views. I was exactly this kind of person. Looking back at my time as a gospel deacon, if I was certain about something, no one could shake my views, and even when I admitted that others were right, it was hard for me to immediately submit. I always thought, “You are right, but I’m more right. My reasoning is more solid than yours, and my views are more accurate and profound. Why should I listen to you?” So I often stubbornly argued with everyone; regardless of whether others were right or wrong, so long as it didn’t align with my own wishes, I couldn’t accept it. Wasn’t I putting myself at the center? I always wanted people to submit to me and listen to me, and I viewed myself as high and great. Wasn’t I treating my own opinions as the truth? Previously, I only admitted that I did not love or pursue the truth, but now, after reading what God says, about how people are always obstinate, intransigent, and arrogant, never accepting anyone else’s words, I became aware that such people are averse to the truth. At that moment, I realized that my problem was really very serious. The suggestions given to me by brothers and sisters were made with a sense of responsibility for the work of God’s house, and if I had just been able to accept them and seek the truth together with everyone, it would have been beneficial for both myself and the church work. But I didn’t know what was right from wrong, so not only did I not accept these things, but I also emphasized my own correctness, and made everyone listen to me, as if accepting others’ suggestions would make me appear incompetent, ignorant, and devalued. I realized that I did not love positive things or accept the truth at all. By stubbornly clinging onto myself like this, I couldn’t cooperate with anyone. Wouldn’t I eventually be eliminated by God and rejected by everyone?

Afterward, I read more of God’s words: “It may be that you are the most knowledgeable about your profession and lead in terms of skill, but this is a gift that God has given you, and you should use it to perform your duty and make use of your strengths. No matter how skilled or talented you are, you cannot undertake the work alone; a duty is performed more effectively if everyone is able to grasp the skills and knowledge of a profession. As the saying goes, an able man needs the support of three other people. No matter how capable an individual is, without the help of everyone else, it’s not enough. Therefore, none should be arrogant and none should wish to act or make decisions on their own. People should rebel against the flesh, put aside their own ideas and opinions, and work in harmony with everyone else” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). From God’s words, I realized that each of our personal experiences, understanding, and insights are very limited. God wants us to bring forth the part of ourselves that we possess, not for us to pursue being a superior or perfect person who shoulders all the work alone. No matter how capable a person is, their abilities are still limited, and sometimes, they can be liable to go their own ways and disrupt the church’s work. Only when brothers and sisters work together with one heart and mind, harmoniously cooperating, relying on God together to seek the truth and obtain the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment and guidance, with each bringing forth their own strengths, can duties achieve better results. After realizing these things, I began to focus more on listening to others’ opinions and learning from their strengths. When I changed my mindset, I saw that the brothers and sisters around me each had their own strengths that I didn’t possess. Some brothers and sisters focus on understanding God’s intention and seeking the truth when faced with matters, learning lessons from both good and bad situations; some are conscientious and responsible in their duties, and focus on putting effort into principles; some may have average caliber, but they are humble and willing to learn from others, and are able to accept others’ guidance and help, and so, they can make progress over time. In contrast, although I had some gifts and caliber, I didn’t focus on praying to God or seeking the truth principles when faced with matters, and I only focused on putting effort into my work. I relied on my own intellect and knowledge to analyze right and wrong, working based on gifts and caliber, so I was rarely able to see God’s guidance. By relying on my gifts, I gained some people while evangelism, but I did not give the glory to God. Instead, I put the crown on my own head, thinking that this had all been due to my own abilities and caliber. As a result, my disposition became increasingly arrogant, and I disregarded others and left no place for God in my heart. Every day, I appeared busy, but I had no understanding of my own corrupt disposition, and I made no progress in life entry, and so ultimately, I lost God’s blessing and guidance in my duties. I saw that, not submitting to the truth and always being arrogant and stubborn is such a huge loss!

A few days later, I came across a piece of God’s fellowship, and it made things even clearer in my heart. God says: “For people to achieve continual life growth and to attain a change in their life disposition, they must experience judgment, chastisement, and pruning while doing their duty; once they reach a point of truly knowing themselves, they begin to change. How specifically is this experienced? It is by first of all having a mentality of submission in everything that befalls you. Having a mentality of submission is the first hurdle to pass and the first condition that people should meet. This is very crucial. … Although people believe in God, their understanding of the truth is too shallow, and they still do not realize that when they come before God they must know to behave properly. What does this proper behavior consist of? No matter how important a person you are, how high your position, or how great your abilities, as long as you are a created being, the first precept when coming before God is to submit to God, submit to the Creator. Some people say, ‘I have achieved great merits before.’ Then should you submit to God? Even if you have achieved great merits, you are still a created being. God is the Creator. Your primary responsibility is to submit to God. Whatever God says, you must absolutely submit, you should not have your own choices. Is this the highest truth? This is the highest truth, and also the most fundamental truth. However, the majority of people, even after believing in God for ten or twenty years, still do not understand this fundamental truth of submitting to God. Why is this? If people do not even understand the most crucial truth in believing in God—to submit to God—what other truths could they possibly understand? You know who the Creator is, and you are willing to come before Him, but you do not know that submitting to God is your responsibility, your obligation, and your duty, that it is the reason and instinct you should possess as a human being. If you do not understand even the most fundamental truth of believing in God, then is it not empty talk for you to say that you understand the truth? What you understand is all empty doctrine; that’s why you are able to scrutinize God, to have notions and misunderstandings about God, to be suspicious of, judge, argue with, and oppose God—these revelations of corruption and actions of resisting God all emerge. If people do not understand the truth of submitting to God, the various corrupt dispositions they reveal cannot be resolved” (God’s Fellowship). Contemplating God’s words, I was deeply moved. In reality, aren’t the people, events, and things that do not align with our wishes every day—including the differing opinions and suggestions from brothers and sisters, being pruned, criticized and rebuked, along with the difficulties, setbacks, and failures in our duties, all under God’s sovereignty and arrangements? As a believer, when facing matters, the first thing I should do is submit and seek the truth to learn lessons from these things. However, I saw these things that didn’t align with my wishes as troubles and obstacles, and my initial feelings were of resistance, impatience, and unwillingness to accept, and I did not consider why others didn’t endorse my views, or whether my views were even in line with the truth. Even if I grudgingly accepted others’ suggestions at times, I still felt as if I were being stifled and left with no other choice, lacking even the most basic attitude of submission. In my duties, I always acted on my arrogant disposition, acting arbitrarily and making decisions on my own, leaving no place for God in my heart and having no submission to Him at all. How was I any different from a nonbeliever? I needed to learn to submit to God and the truth in all matters, and to set aside my own intentions during the process of submission so that my arrogant disposition can be transformed.

Later, when working with brothers and sisters, I consciously focused on entering into the truth of submission to God and harmonious cooperation with others, and when facing matters, regardless of whether they aligned with my wishes or not, I practiced accepting them from God first and maintaining an attitude of submission. I stopped rushing to make judgments on the suggestions from brothers and sisters, and discussed and sought with everyone. When discussing work, if I saw that the suggestions from brothers and sisters did not align with my own views, although I felt troubled, by praying to God and asking Him to keep me in a state of submitting first, I would see the merits in their suggestions. Although the suggestions were not yet perfect or specific, we continued to discuss and fellowship the topic, and as everyone fellowshipped in turn, my heart became clearer and clearer. I experienced that submitting to the truth and acting according to God’s words in all things truly allows one to see God’s guidance and deeds, and that this practice brings brightness and enjoyment to the heart, and also helps in learning from the strengths of others. This was so different from my previous stubbornness and self-righteousness. This small change has given me faith, and I no longer pass verdict on myself. I believe that so long as I am willing to pay a price and strive for the truth, my corrupt disposition will surely change. Thank God for His salvation!