By Xiaolu, China

Of all my experiences, there is one in particular which left a deep impression on me. One year, Li Juan, an upper leader, came to our church to oversee our work. At the time, a church member was spreading biases against the leaders and workers, and forming a faction to disturb the church. We fellowshipped with him many times, but he didn’t repent. We weren’t sure if we should define him as an antichrist, so we asked Li Juan. Li Juan used truths about how to discern antichrists to fellowship with us on how to determine this, giving us a way forward. I also learned in our talks that when Li Juan was a new leader, she took care of some chaos in the church in just two weeks that others hadn’t solved in two months. Now as an upper leader, she’d overseen the work of many churches and resolved many of their issues. Before I knew it, I started looking up to her. After that, my partner and I ran into issues we didn’t understand, so we waited for Li Juan to come and give us guidance. A month later, she finally came back to our church. I shared the issues and difficulties we were facing right away and she quickly fixed things again. I really admired Li Juan after a few encounters with her. I felt she deserved to be an upper leader, that she understood the truth and had discernment. The problems I simply couldn’t resolve were easy for her to take care of. I hoped she could come to guide us more often. To my surprise, Li Juan was dismissed a couple months later for being arrogant, autocratic in her duties, disruptive to the church’s work, and because she did not accept being pruned. Her dismissal was inconceivable to me, but I thought it could be a good thing for her. If she could learn about herself and change, then she could take on important work again. So even though she’d been dismissed, the place she held in my heart didn’t change at all.

A few months later, the church assigned Li Juan and I to be responsible for cleansing work. I was thrilled. I wanted to make good use of this chance to learn more from her. Later when we were discussing some issues, she was always able to find relevant principles to fellowship on and resolve the issues. She also talked a lot about her becoming a leader shortly after joining the faith, how the work had improved thanks to her hard work, how she’d learned about herself after her dismissal, and that the church was giving her important work again. Hearing all this made me look up to her even more, and I always went to her with my questions. She always had an answer. Over time, I stopped focusing on prayer and seeking God in my duty, and relied on Li Juan for everything instead, thinking whatever she said was right. At the time I thought too much of her. I blindly adulated her, and nearly went along with her in committing a great evil.

One day, I learned that when Zhang Ping was a leader before, she said some judgmental things to her family about her partner, because she was biased against her partner. Then her family repeated these things in a group gathering. The church leader labeled Zhang Ping as an antichrist because of that one thing. Her family felt like handling it that way wasn’t in line with the principles, so they wrote a letter to report it. But then the church leader labeled Zhang Ping’s whole family as a gang of antichrists and isolated them. Looking at Zhang Ping’s expulsion documents, I saw that she was just living within a corrupt disposition and said some judgmental things. She shouldn’t have been labeled as an antichrist. Her family made that report just to point out a problem, they didn’t form a faction or disturb church work. They shouldn’t have been called antichrists. Also, I’d interacted with Zhang Ping a few years prior. She had acceptable humanity and didn’t seem like an evildoer. I wondered if the leader had made a mistake in calling her an antichrist and expelling her. That’s not a small issue. I wanted to get Li Juan’s help in thinking it over again. But surprisingly, she said very decisively, “Zhang Ping was judgmental of her partner, and that’s an evil deed. Her family spoke out on her behalf and filed a report, so they’re a gang of antichrists. We can look and see whether they did any other evil deeds.” I felt like it wasn’t right for her to be so decisive, but then I thought if Li Juan was that certain, she must really have a handle on things. After all, she’d served as an upper leader, had a lot of experience, and great discernment. She must know the truth and see things better than me. So I changed my tune, saying, “I haven’t been in contact with Zhang Ping for a few years. I don’t know if she’s committed other evil deeds. Let’s look into it and then decide.” Before long, we got more information on Zhang Ping. She hadn’t done any other evil deeds, and after judging her partner she reflected on herself and learned about herself. Her family wasn’t getting others to advocate for Zhang Ping, either. Based on their behavior, they shouldn’t have been labeled as antichrists and expelled. I shared this information with Li Juan, but she was really disdainful and thought labeling Zhang Ping as an antichrist wasn’t wrong. She said, “If we leave antichrists in the church and they keep doing evil and being disruptive, we have a part in their evil!” Another sister didn’t agree with Li Juan, either. She also said that they weren’t a gang of antichrists, but had just shown some corruption, and we should take them back into the church immediately. Li Juan still said confidently, “Even if Zhang Ping isn’t an antichrist, she’s an evildoer. She maligned her co-worker in front of her family, and then her family shared it at a gathering and made a report. Isn’t that disturbing the church? We can’t re-admit them! We have to learn more about their evildoing.” I felt kind of hesitant after hearing what Li Juan said. She was so certain Zhang Ping should be expelled. Did that mean I had a limited perspective on this? Was Zhang Ping really an evildoer? Li Juan had been a leader for so long, so she had to have a broader view on things than us. I figured I lacked discernment and that we could keep looking into what Zhang Ping had done. So, although I didn’t feel entirely at ease, I still steeled myself and had some brothers and sisters inquire into the matter further. I felt really uneasy after making these arrangements, and my heart became dark. I can’t really describe how it felt. I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to know myself through this, and to be able to act in line with His intention. I read this in God’s words after my prayer: “Every church and every individual is observed by God. No matter how many people there are performing a duty or following God in a church, the moment they depart from God’s words, the moment they lose the work of the Holy Spirit, they cease to experience the work of God, and thus they—and the duty they are performing—have no connection to and no part in God’s work, in which case this church has become a religious group. Tell Me, what are the consequences once a church becomes a religious group? Wouldn’t you say these people are in great danger? They never seek the truth when faced with problems and they don’t act according to the truth principles, but are subject to the arrangements and manipulations of human beings. There are even many who, while performing their duty, never pray or seek the truth principles; they only ask others and do as others say, acting on cues from others. Whatever other people tell them to do, that’s what they do. They feel that praying to God about their problems and truth-seeking is vague and difficult, so they look for a simple, easy solution. They figure that relying on others and doing what others say is easy and most realistic, and so they simply do what other people say, asking others and doing as they say in everything. As a result, even after believing for many years, when faced with a problem, they have never once come before God, praying and seeking His desires and the truth, and then achieving an understanding of the truth, and acting and behaving according to God’s intentions—they’ve never had such an experience. Do such people really practice faith in God?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only With Fear of God Can One Tread Upon the Path of Salvation). God’s words show that when He doesn’t have a place in someone’s heart and they don’t seek the truth principles, choosing instead to listen to other people and follow their plans, that’s not practicing faith in God; God doesn’t acknowledge that kind of belief. Wasn’t that precisely my state? In the matter of Zhang Ping’s family, Li Juan said she was certain they were a gang of antichrists. I felt like that wasn’t in line with the facts, but I held her in such high esteem that I didn’t seek the truth principles. I went along with whatever she told me to do. I realized from the results of our inquiry that their family had been improperly labeled, but seeing how persistent Li Juan was, I totally disregarded my own views. Even though I felt uncomfortable, I still didn’t seek the truth principles. I just forced myself to do what Li Juan said. God had no place in my heart. How was that having faith? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I’d always thought of myself as a true believer. I never imagined I would adore and follow a person. I felt uneasy, which meant I’d already been spurned by God. If I didn’t repent I could really be eliminated. This thought left me feeling scared, so I said a prayer asking God to help me turn my state around, seek the truth and be able to treat Zhang Ping and her family in a principled way.

After that I looked for the truth principles which related to Zhang Ping’s issue, and learned the difference between an antichrist and someone with a regular corrupt disposition. The main trait of antichrists is that they see power as life, and always want to control God’s chosen ones. They punish people to gain power. They do so much evil, and seriously disturb the church’s work. Also, antichrists are averse to and hate the truth. They are in essence evil people, and have no conscience or sense. They feel no regret, regardless of how much evil they’ve done, and there is no chance they will repent. Regular corrupt people can’t help but say and do things for the sake of fame, gain and status, but they can accept the truth and reflect on themselves. After taking the wrong path, they can become aware of themselves, and show repentance. It is just as God says: “No matter who they are, no matter how much evil they did, or how serious their errors were, whether a person is determined to be an antichrist or to possess the disposition of an antichrist depends on whether they are able to accept the truth and being pruned, and whether they possess true remorse. If they can accept the truth and accept being pruned, if they possess true remorse, and if they are willing to spend their whole life laboring for God, then this truly indicates a bit of repentance. A person like this cannot be classified as an antichrist” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). I knew in my heart that Zhang Ping wasn’t an antichrist, and I couldn’t keep vacillating and blindly listening to Li Juan.

I continued seeking. Why was it that when Li Juan and I saw things differently, I didn’t seek the principles, and just blindly went along with her? What was the root of this problem? I remembered that God says: “What you admire is not the humility of Christ, but those false shepherds of prominent standing. You do not adore the loveliness or wisdom of Christ, but those libertines who wallow in the filth of the world. You laugh at the pain of Christ who has no place to lay His head, but you admire those corpses that hunt for offerings and live in debauchery. You are not willing to suffer alongside Christ, but you gladly throw yourself into the arms of those reckless antichrists, though they only supply you with flesh, words, and control. Even now, your heart still turns toward them, toward their reputation, toward their status, toward their influence. And yet you continue to hold an attitude of finding the work of Christ hard to swallow and being unwilling to accept it. This is why I say that you lack the faith to acknowledge Christ” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Are You a True Believer in God?). Reading God’s words, I saw that I adored and followed a person because I didn’t honor Christ as great in my faith; instead, I adored status and power. Since Li Juan had been an upper leader and she had some good solutions when she was overseeing work, I thought she knew the truth and had discernment, so I looked up to her and admired her. That’s why I didn’t have my own ideas or opinions when we were partners. I’d do whatever she said, entirely taking her words as the truth. Even in something as important as whether Zhang Ping and her family should be expelled, I still blindly followed Li Juan. This delayed that family from being taken back into the church, and delayed their life entry. God cherishes each and every person’s life. Those oppressed by false leaders are unable to live a life of the church for a long time. They live in darkness, and are helpless and in pain. But I wasn’t considering God’s intentions; I wasn’t taking responsibility for others’ lives. In the matter of Zhang Ping’s family, I always swayed back and forth and listened to Li Juan. I was incredibly muddled! Without that spiritual darkness and pain I wouldn’t have woken up; I would have kept doing wrong. I prayed to God in repentance, “God! I don’t want to keep adulating and following a person. I want to honor You as great, and act according to the truth principles.” Later on, I shared my opinion with Li Juan, and she said curtly, “Let’s discuss it later.” Then she changed the topic. I could see she was still sticking to her own view and didn’t care about others’ lives. I was incensed. I resolved that no matter what, I had to tell our leader about the situation with Zhang Ping’s family. The leader came to carry out some work a few days later and revealed that Li Juan had been autocratic in the cleansing work. She had arbitrarily labeled people without adhering to the principles, and seriously disturbed church work. Therefore, the leader dismissed Li Juan. Apparently in Zhang Ping’s case, Li Juan was well aware she was wrong, but didn’t want to admit it. She personally arranged for people to get information on Zhang Ping to find fault with her. She was dead set on getting Zhang Ping and her family expelled as antichrists. I was so angry. To protect her status, she didn’t care about the brothers’ and sisters’ lives. She was incredibly vicious. Thinking back on my time with Li Juan, she was always talking about all her hard work, so I took her for someone who pursues the truth. I didn’t use the truth to dissect the motives and essence of her actions. Really sharing experience means talking about what you’ve come to know about yourself through God’s judgment and chastisement, what truths you’ve learned, and how you’ve practiced the truth to satisfy God. But Li Juan couldn’t talk about true understanding. Those tough times she talked about were all to exalt and bear witness to herself, and to gain admiration. She was on an antichrist’s path. At this point, I gained some discernment over Li Juan and I hated myself even more. I’d been a believer for years, but didn’t look at people or things through God’s words. I just looked at people’s gifts and caliber, and adored status and power. I nearly went along with Li Juan in doing evil, expelling people wrongly, and causing irreparable damage. I was so blind and foolish! At this thought I started to feel afraid.

Later on, I read another passage of God’s words: “When someone is elected to be a leader by the brothers and sisters, or is promoted by the house of God to do a certain piece of work or perform a certain duty, this does not mean that they have a special status or position, or that the truths they understand are deeper and more numerous than those of other people—much less that this person is able to submit to God, and will not betray Him. Certainly, it does not mean, either, that they know God, and are someone who fears God. They have attained none of this, in fact. The promotion and cultivation is merely promotion and cultivation in the straightforward sense, and is not equivalent to them having been predestined and approved of by God. Their promotion and cultivation simply means they have been promoted, and await cultivation. And the ultimate outcome of this cultivation depends on whether this person pursues the truth, and on whether they are capable of choosing the path of pursuing the truth. Thus, when someone in the church is promoted and cultivated to be a leader, they are merely promoted and cultivated in the straightforward sense; it does not mean that they are already an up-to-standard leader, or a competent one, that they are already capable of undertaking the work of a leader, and can do real work—that is not the case. Most people cannot see through to these things, and based on their own imaginings they look up to those who have been promoted. This is a mistake. No matter how many years they have believed in God for, do those who are promoted really possess the truth reality? Not necessarily. Are they able to implement the work arrangements of the house of God? Not necessarily. Do they have a sense of responsibility? Are they loyal? Are they able to submit? When they encounter an issue, are they able to seek the truth? All of this is unknown. Do these people have God-fearing hearts? And just how great are their God-fearing hearts? Are they able to avoid following their own will when they do things? Are they able to seek God? During the time that they perform the work of leaders, are they able to frequently come before God to seek the intentions of God? Are they able to lead people into the truth reality? They are certainly incapable of such things. They haven’t received training and they haven’t had enough experiences, so they are incapable of these things. This is why promoting and cultivating someone doesn’t mean they already understand the truth, nor is it saying that they are already capable of doing their duty in a way that is up to standard. … What is the point of Me saying this? It is to let everyone know that they must correctly approach the various types of talented people promoted and cultivated in God’s house, that they must not be harsh in their demands of these people, and, of course, that they must not be unrealistic in their opinion of them either. It is foolish to excessively admire and look up to them; it is inhumane and unrealistic to make overly harsh demands of them. So what is the most reasonable way to treat them? To regard them as ordinary people and, when you need to seek someone out regarding a problem, to fellowship with them and learn from each other’s strengths and complement each other” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). God’s words are very clear. Being selected as a leader or worker doesn’t mean that person knows the truth and can do their duty adequately. They have corrupt dispositions, too. They may perform their duty according to their own whims and experiences, and may do things which violate the principles. We have to discern people according to the truth principles, not blindly follow anyone. On top of that, even if leaders’ fellowship on the truth is illuminating, it is enlightenment and guidance from the Holy Spirit and we should accept it from God. We shouldn’t blindly adore and follow the leaders. If there are errors or oversights in a leader’s or worker’s work, or if they violate any truth principles, it should be handled properly. Pointers and help can be offered with love so they can change and do things according to principle. But since I adored status and power, I fallaciously thought that since Li Juan had been an upper leader, she had to know the truth better than us. My thinking was so distorted! Although She’d been a leader for years and had some work experience, and she could speak of some doctrines and resolve some issues, that didn’t mean she understood the truth. Her fellowship and understanding usually sounded great, and she said when we didn’t understand things, we should seek the truth principles, not cling to our own views. But in the face of problems, she always went her own way. She wouldn’t remotely accept others’ suggestions and she didn’t have a seeking heart. She just talked about doctrine without any realities. She didn’t have any reflection or understanding of her arrogant, satanic nature, and was ready to casually expel people in order to maintain her own status. Looking at Li Juan in light of all this, it was clear that she was of the same kind as false leaders and antichrists.

Zhang Ping and her family were reinstated to the church after that. Thinking of how they hadn’t been able to live a life of the church for over two months and all the spiritual pain they must have suffered, I felt awful in a way I can’t describe. I hated myself for not seeking the truth, and just listening to a person. If I’d sought the truth principles and taken them back into the church right away, their life entry wouldn’t have been so delayed. At that point I realized that blindly adoring someone makes it too easy to do evil and resist God along with them. I also hated how muddled and blind I was, that I followed someone in doing such great evil. Later on, I read this in God’s words: “The simplest way to describe faith in God is trusting there is a God, and, on this foundation, following Him, submitting to Him, accepting His sovereignty, orchestrations, and arrangements, heeding His words, living in accordance with His words, doing everything according to His words, being a true created being, and fearing Him and shunning evil; only this is true faith in God. This is what it means to follow God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Ceremony). God’s words showed me that fearing God, honoring Him as great, and seeking the truth principles when problems occur are the least that we should uphold in our belief in God. No matter who it is, as long as what they say is in line with the truth principles, you should follow it, and staunchly reject anything stemming from human notions and imaginings. Everything should be done according to God’s words. That is true faith, and truly following God. Thank God! I felt clear on my future path of following God.

One day when I was discussing training people with the church leader, Sister Mingyi, she mentioned that Sister Zhao Xunzhen was able to know herself when things came up, and her fellowship on the truth was practical, so she could be cultivated as a supervisor of watering work. But in my interactions with Xunzhen, I found she lacked caliber and didn’t have a pure understanding of the truth. She was really passive in her duty and hadn’t gotten good results for several months in a row. She wasn’t a good candidate. But since Mingyi recommended her, I wondered if I wasn’t seeing things correctly. Mingyi had been a church leader for years, so her discernment should surpass mine. I figured I should just go with what she said. But I felt guilty when I thought about it that way. I realized I was focusing on Mingyi’s status and the years she’d served as a leader. Wasn’t I adulating status and power, and following a person again? I thought about the matter of Zhang Ping and her family. The consequences of me adoring power and not upholding principles were distressing for me. Behind my encountering this sort of thing again, there was God’s intention. If I still couldn’t uphold principles, and helped promote an unsuitable candidate as supervisor, that would hold up the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry. Mingyi was a leader, but that didn’t mean she knew the truth or understood people perfectly. Her suggestion was just something for me to consider. I had to consider whether Xunzhen should be cultivated based on the principles. Later, I gathered some assessments of Xunzhen, which confirmed she lacked caliber and didn’t do actual work, so she wasn’t a good candidate. I shared my opinion with Mingyi and she expressed agreement. I felt in my heart that the only way to be at peace is to not blindly follow anyone, but to practice in accordance with the truth principles.

The incident with Zhang Ping and her family has been etched into my heart. This unforgettable lesson let me see the consequences of adulating and following a person while having faith. I also experienced that seeking the truth and doing things according to the truth is the only way to follow God and gain His approval.