By Jingxin, China

In August 2022, I cooperated with Liu Xuan and Zhang Qi to make videos. Since I was new to video making and hadn’t grasped some principles, Liu Xuan, the team leader, often helped me. We were about the same age and had common interests, so we quickly became familiar with each other and had a good relationship.

Once, Zhang Qi encountered some complex problems while making a video and asked Liu Xuan for help. Liu Xuan analyzed and discussed the problems with her, but Zhang Qi’s completed video still had some issues. Liu Xuan then said disdainfully, “We already discussed this yesterday, and you still made a video like this!” Seeing that Zhang Qi felt somewhat constrained and kept her head down without saying anything, I thought, “Liu Xuan’s approach would hurt Zhang Qi. We should calmly communicate when we encounter problems, which would be more conducive to future improvements.” I thought about bringing this up with Liu Xuan, but I hesitated, thinking, “If Liu Xuan accepts it, that’s fine. But if she doesn’t and retorts, putting me in an awkward position, it would be so embarrassing for me! What if Liu Xuan thinks I’m siding with Zhang Qi and starts to dislike me? How will I get along with her in the future? Forget it. Maybe it’s better not to say anything.” Later, Liu Xuan also realized she had revealed an arrogant disposition, but she only made a simple acknowledgment without truly understanding herself. I thought about fellowshipping with her, but hesitated again when the words were on the tip of my tongue: “She has already admitted she was arrogant. If I point it out again and fellowship with her, will she think that my demands of her are too great? What if she develops a bias against me? Better let it go.” And so, the matter passed like that. There was another time when our team made a video that wasn’t up to standard. As the team leader, Liu Xuan didn’t lead us in digging out the cause. A few days later, other brothers and sisters carried out an analysis and communication with us based on the principles. Only then did I realize where the problem was. I suggested that we hurry to learn about this aspect of the technical skills. However, Liu Xuan didn’t take this seriously, saying that she had studied this aspect of the technical skills before and already knew it, so she didn’t organize for us to learn about it. I noticed Liu Xuan’s casual attitude toward technical study. She was clearly not proficient but was complacent and unwilling to learn. And as the team leader, she didn’t summarize the deviations. I wanted to talk with her about her problems, but then I thought, “Will Liu Xuan feel embarrassed if I say this? What if I hurt her pride and she develops a bias against me?” So, I didn’t tell her anything but kept silent once again. Later, when our supervisor asked about my state, I wanted to write these things to her. But I worried, “If Liu Xuan sees this, will she say that I backstabbed her instead of pointing out her problems to her face, and that I took advantage of writing about my state to report her problems? If Liu Xuan has negative opinions of me, how will I get along with her in the future?” With these concerns, I didn’t mention Liu Xuan’s issues at all. On the surface, Liu Xuan and I chatted and laughed together, but whenever I needed to point out her problems, I would constantly second-guess her response. Even when I saw her problems clearly, I didn’t dare to speak honestly. It was so miserable and stifling! During that period, I frequently prayed to God, asking for His enlightenment and guidance to understand myself and break free from the bonds of my corrupt disposition.

One day, during a communication about our states, Liu Xuan mentioned that there was a lack of genuine communion between us. She pointed out that I tended to be a people pleaser, saying that I rarely brought up her problems even if I saw them. She said she also needed others’ correction and help, and as she spoke, she cried sadly. Hearing Liu Xuan’s words, I felt deeply self-reproached and pained. It turned out that in her eyes, I was such a people pleaser, and she wasn’t as resistant to the truth as I had thought her to be. Why couldn’t I bring myself to say a word to point out or expose her problems? I ate and drank the words of God directed at this problem. I read a passage of God’s words: “When interacting with the brothers and sisters, you must lay your heart bare to them and confide in them in order for it to benefit you. When performing your duty, it is even more important to lay your heart bare and confide in people; only then will you work well together. … Sometimes, when two people interact, their personalities clash, or their family environments, backgrounds or economic conditions do not match. Yet if those two people can lay their hearts bare to each other and be entirely open about their issues, and communicate without any lies or deceit, and are able to show their hearts to each other, then, in this way, they will be able to become genuine friends, which means to become intimate friends. Perhaps, when the other person has a difficulty, they will look for you and no one else, and they will trust only you to be able to help them. Even if you give them a telling-off, they don’t argue back, because they know you are an honest person with a sincere heart. They trust you, so no matter what you say or how you treat them, they will be able to understand. Can you be such people? Are you such people? If not, then you are not honest people. When you interact with others, you must first have them perceive your true heart and sincerity. If, in speaking and working together and making contact with others, someone’s words are perfunctory, grandiloquent, pleasantries, flattery, irresponsible, and imaginary, or if they simply speak to seek the other’s favor, then their words lack all credibility, and they are not sincere in the least. This is their mode of interaction with others, no matter who those others are. Such a person does not have an honest heart. This is not an honest person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). From God’s words, I understood that even though I saw Liu Xuan constrain others with her arrogant disposition and treat technical study with a casual attitude, I didn’t say anything to correct or help her. It was because of my deceitful nature and excessive wariness of others. I was worried that if Liu Xuan didn’t accept my suggestions and developed a bias against me, it would ruin the relationship between us. Thinking back, usually when Liu Xuan saw my problems, she pointed them out directly, which was a real help for me. But I was so guarded against her. Even if I identified her problems, I never fellowshipped or pointed them out, only showing a false front without any sincerity at all. I was really deceitful! I thought pointing out others’ problems was offensive and would hurt them, but this view was wrong. In fact, when we see other people reveal their corruptions, we should be simply honest and open up our heart to them, and point out their problems promptly. This will help them reflect on themselves and correct deviations, and prevents losses to church work as well. It is a way of helping others. I realized my views on things were completely distorted and didn’t align with the truth at all. Later, I shared with Liu Xuan her problems that I saw. The supervisor also wrote to fellowship to help Liu Xuan.

After some time, Liu Xuan began to have some understanding of her arrogant disposition and took the initiative to lead us in learning technical skills. The efficiency of our duties also increased. Seeing these results, I felt deeply ashamed and self-reproached. If I had spoken up earlier, Liu Xuan could have recognized her problems sooner, which would benefit both our harmonious collaboration and communication of the technical skills. In regret, I reflected and wondered: Why was it that every time I spotted others’ problems, I couldn’t bring myself to speak up, even though the words were on the tip of my tongue? What corrupt disposition is controlling me behind the scenes? One day, I read two passages of God’s words: “When people take no responsibility toward their duties, do them in a perfunctory manner, act like people pleasers, and do not defend the interests of the house of God, what disposition is this? This is cunningness, it is the disposition of Satan. The most prominent aspect of man’s philosophies for worldly dealings is cunningness. People think that if they are not cunning, they will be liable to offend others and unable to protect themselves; they think that they must be cunning enough not to hurt or offend anyone, thereby keeping themselves safe, protecting their livelihoods, and gaining a firm foothold among other people. Nonbelievers all live by Satan’s philosophies. They are all people pleasers and do not offend anyone. You have come to the house of God, read the word of God, and listened to the sermons of God’s house, so why are you unable to practice the truth, speak from the heart, and be an honest person? Why are you always a people pleaser? People pleasers only protect their own interests, and not the interests of the church. When they see someone do evil and harm the church’s interests, they ignore it. They like to be people pleasers, and do not offend anyone. This is irresponsible, and that kind of person is too cunning and untrustworthy” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “To all appearances, the antichrists’ words seem especially kind, cultured, and distinguished. No matter who violates principle or disrupts and disturbs church work, the antichrist does not expose or criticize these people; they turn a blind eye, letting people think they are magnanimous in all matters. Regardless of what corruptions people reveal and what evil deeds they do, the antichrist is understanding and tolerant. They do not grow angry, or fly into a rage, they will not get cross and blame people when they do something wrong and harm the interests of God’s house. No matter who commits evil and disturbs the work of the church, they pay no heed, as if this has nothing to do with them, and they will never offend people because of it. What are the antichrists most concerned with? With how many people think highly of them, and with how many people see them when they suffer, and praise them for it. The antichrists believe that suffering must never be for nothing; no matter what hardship they endure, what price they pay, what good deeds they do, how caring, considerate, and loving they are toward others, this must all be carried out in front of others so that more people can see it. And what is their aim in acting thus? To buy people’s favor, to make more people approve of their actions, their conduct, and their character in their hearts, giving a thumbs up. There are even antichrists that try to establish an image of themselves as ‘a good person’ through this outwardly good behavior, so that more people come to them looking for help” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Ten)). God’s words expose the truth so clearly! For people with deceitful and cunning dispositions, when they see others reveal corruptions or disrupt church work, they never point it out and expose them. Outwardly, they seem tolerant and patient, but their real goal is to use outward kindness to make others think they are loving and considerate, thereby winning people over and buying their favor. Their nature is extremely wicked. Just like me, when I saw Liu Xuan disdain and constrain Zhang Qi, and saw that Liu Xuan, as our team leader, failed to organize technical study and delayed the work, I wanted to point out her problems. But I swallowed my words when they were on the tip of my tongue, worrying that Liu Xuan might not accept and would develop a bias against me, making our future interactions difficult. So, I always stayed silent. Even when writing about my state, I feared that when Liu Xuan saw this, she might think I was reporting her problems behind her back, so I avoided mentioning her. On the surface, I didn’t offend anyone and seemed quite amicable, but my real intention was to maintain a good relationship with Liu Xuan. To keep a positive image in her mind, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything truly honest or beneficial. I didn’t consider whether brothers and sisters’ life entry would suffer or whether church work would be delayed due to this. I was so selfish, despicable, slick and deceitful! I was truly a complete people pleaser! How could God not be disgusted by me and loathe me?

Later, I read more of God’s words: “There is a tenet in philosophies for worldly dealings that says, ‘Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship.’ It means that in order to preserve a friendly relationship, one must keep silent about their friend’s problems, even if they see them clearly—that they should abide by the principles of not striking people in the face or calling out their shortcomings. They are to deceive each other, hide from each other, engage in intrigue with each other; and though they know with crystal clarity what sort of person the other is, they do not say it outright, but employ cunning methods to preserve their friendly relationship. Why would one want to preserve such relationships? It is about not wanting to make enemies in this society, within one’s group, which would mean subjecting oneself often to dangerous situations. Knowing someone will become your enemy and harm you after you have called out their shortcomings or hurt them, and not wishing to put yourself in such a situation, you employ the tenet of philosophies for worldly dealings that runs, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ In light of this, if two people are in such a relationship, do they count as true friends? (No.) They are not true friends, much less each other’s confidant. So, what sort of relationship is this, exactly? Is it not a fundamental social relationship? (It is.) In such social relationships, people cannot offer their feelings, nor have deep exchanges, nor speak about whatever they wish. They cannot say out loud what is in their heart, or the problems they see in the other, or words that would benefit the other. Instead, they pick nice things to say, to keep the other’s favor. They dare not speak the truth or uphold the principles, lest it give rise to animosity toward them in others. When no one is threatening to someone, does that person not live in relative ease and peace? Is this not people’s goal in promoting the saying, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’? (It is.) Clearly, this is a cunning, deceptive way of existence with an element of defensiveness, whose goal is self-preservation. People who live like this have no confidants, no close friends with whom they can say whatever they like. They are defensive with each other, and calculating, and strategic, each taking what they need from the relationship. Is this not so? At its root, the goal of ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ is to keep from offending others and making enemies, to protect oneself by not causing hurt to anyone. It is a technique and method one adopts to keep themselves from being hurt. Looking at these several facets of its essence, is the demand of people’s moral conduct ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ a noble one? Is it a positive one? (No.) Then, what does it teach people? That you must not upset or hurt anyone, otherwise, you are the one who will end up getting hurt; and also, that you should not trust anyone. If you hurt any one of your good friends, the friendship will quietly start to change: They will go from being your good, close friend to a stranger or an enemy. What problems can it resolve, teaching people to act so? Even if, by acting in this way, you do not make enemies and even lose a few, will this make people admire and approve of you, and always keep you as a friend? Does this fully achieve the standard for moral conduct? At the very best, this is no more than a philosophy for worldly dealings” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (8)). From God’s words, I understood that sayings such as “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings,” “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,” “Speak good words in harmony with others’ feelings and reason, as being frank annoys others,” and “When you know something is wrong, it is better to say less,” are satanic philosophies for worldly dealings. Satan instills these ideas in humans, making them believe that to stand firm in society, they must maintain relationships with people, always save face for others, and be slick and people-pleasing. Otherwise, they’ll be excluded. When people rely on these philosophies for worldly dealings to interact with others, they become suspicious and defensive toward each other. They constantly read others’ tone and expressions when they speak or do things, acting one way on the surface while hiding their true thoughts. They never speak honest or heartfelt words, becoming increasingly hypocritical and wicked, living without dignity or integrity. I had always been afraid to point out Liu Xuan’s problems just because I was influenced by these satanic philosophies for worldly dealings. I believed that to maintain good relationships with people and secure my place among them, I had to be cautious in my words and actions, never saying anything others didn’t like or pointing out their deficiencies and shortcomings. I thought I had to save face for others. Otherwise, I would offend them and make enemies. Before believing in God, I interacted with people this way—always being cautious, reading others’ tone and expressions, and being suspicious and guarded against others. Even with my closest family or best friends, I wouldn’t point out their problems for fear of being disliked and isolated. Although people said I was nice, I was actually living a very tiring life. After believing in God, I continued to interact with brothers and sisters in the same way, without a sincere heart. I clearly saw Liu Xuan’s issues, but to maintain my relationship with her, I never pointed them out to her and just kept my true thoughts to myself. Outwardly, I got along well with her and there was nothing we could not chat about. Living by these satanic philosophies, I took the middle road, trying not to offend anyone, always reading others’ tone and expressions in my interaction with them. This not only harmed Liu Xuan and delayed the work, but also made me feel stifled and miserable. Ultimately, I would only be spurned and eliminated by God. God likes honest people. He hopes that we can interact with others openly and sincerely, sharing our hearts with one another. Those who pursue the truth also prefer to associate with honest people. Living by satanic philosophies might temporarily help maintain relationships with people, but it’s not sustainable at all. Ultimately, such people will be discerned and rejected by those who pursue and love the truth. Relying on these philosophies for worldly dealings, I not only failed to maintain my relationship with Liu Xuan, but also lost her trust. She ended up calling me a people pleaser, saying that I lacked a sincere heart in my interactions with others. Reflecting on this, I realized how foolish I was to adopt these satanic philosophies as my way of dealing with the world. I saw how deeply I had been corrupted by Satan and realized that I indeed needed God’s salvation. I decided to stop living such a selfish and deceitful life.

Later, I began to wonder: How should I get along with others? How should I speak and act to align with God’s intention? I read a passage of God’s words: “What should the basis of people’s speech and actions be? God’s words. So, what are the requirements and standards God has for people’s speech and actions? (That they be constructive to people.) That is right. Most fundamentally, you must tell the truth, speak honestly, and benefit others. At the very least, your speech must edify people, and not trick, mislead, make fun of, satirize, deride, mock, constrict them, expose their weaknesses, or hurt them. This is the expression of normal humanity. It is humanity’s virtue. … how is constructive speech expressed? It is mainly encouraging, orienting, guiding, exhorting, understanding, and comforting. Also, in some special instances, it becomes necessary to directly expose other people’s errors and prune them, so that they gain knowledge of the truth and desire to repent. Only then is the due effect achieved. This way of practicing is of great benefit to people. It is a real help to them, and it is constructive for them, is it not? Say, for example, you are especially willful and arrogant. You’ve never been aware of this, but someone who knows you well comes right out and tells you the problem. You think to yourself, ‘Am I willful? Am I arrogant? No one else dared to tell me, but he understands me. That he could say such a thing suggests that it really is true. I must spend some time reflecting on this.’ After that you say to the person, ‘Other people only say nice things to me, they sing my praises, no one ever gets personal with me, no one has ever pointed out these shortcomings and issues in me. Only you were able to tell me, to get personal with me. It was so great, such a big help to me.’ This is having a heart-to-heart, is it not? Little by little, the other person communicates to you what is on his mind, his thoughts about you, and his experiences of how he had notions, imaginings, negativity and weakness in this matter, and was able to escape it by seeking the truth. This is having a heart-to-heart; it is a communion of souls. And what, in sum, is the principle behind speaking? It is this: Say what’s in your heart, and speak of your true experiences and what you really think. These words are the most beneficial to people, they provide for people, they help them, they are positive” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (3)). From God’s words, I understood that to establish a normal relationship with people, I must treat others according to the principles of God’s words. When I see someone reveal corruption, hinder work, or act against principles, I should point it out promptly. This will benefit both the work and that person’s life entry. Only by conducting myself this way can I uphold principles and live with openness and candor, and have humanity and a sense of justice. Sometimes, even though people can’t accept it immediately, if they pursue the truth, they will seek the truth and reflect upon themselves afterward. They will not feel disgusted or rejective, but will be grateful to me for their help. If they don’t pursue the truth or accept the truth, that will also reveal themselves and help me have some discernment. I shouldn’t focus solely on saving my own face. What I should care about is God’s attitude toward me, whether my actions satisfy God, and whether I adhere to principles and treat people according to the truth in God’s words. Reflecting on the past, I always interacted with people based on philosophies for worldly dealings. My words and actions were constantly constrained, and I lived in a state of repression without any relief. This way, I would never be able to attain the truth, forever bound and enslaved by Satan. At this point, I understood that I should treat people according to God’s words, interact with people frankly and honestly, speak from my heart, and say things that are beneficial to others. Whether I was pruning others, reproaching others, or calmly fellowshipping with them on the truth, I should approach them with my true heart. This way, my relationships with others can be normal and enduring, and I can get rid of my repression and gain release and freedom.

Later, when we discussed some issues in our videos, Liu Xuan would only share her opinions every time she pointed out others’ problems. She rarely fellowshipped about principles. During gatherings, she seldom opened up about the corruptions she revealed, and rarely opened up to us about the problems she encountered in her work. This made others think she had stature and work capability before they knew it, and led them to look up to her. I felt this was detrimental to everyone and wanted to point it out to her. But when I was about to talk, I hesitated, thinking, “If I say this, will Liu Xuan get upset? If it has an impact on the relationship between us, will it make our future interactions difficult?” I realized that I was going to be a people pleaser again to maintain the relationship with others. So, I prayed to God immediately, asking for the strength to practice the truth and rebel against myself. After praying, I remembered a passage of God’s words: “If everyone talks about doctrinal or theoretical knowledge, but says nothing about the knowledge they have gained from actual experiences; and if, when fellowshipping the truth, they avoid talking about their personal lives, their real-life problems, and their own inner worlds, then how can genuine communication occur? How can there be any real trust? … If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, then there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they cannot provide for each other or help one another. You have experienced this, have you not? If your friend confides everything to you, giving voice to all that they are thinking and whatever suffering or happiness they harbor, then will you not feel especially close to them? The reason they are willing to tell you these things is because you have confided your innermost thoughts to them as well. You are particularly close, and it is because of this that you are able to get along so well and help each other out. Without this kind of communication and exchange between the brothers and sisters in the church, they would be unable to get along harmoniously, and would find it impossible to work well together while performing their duties. That’s why fellowshipping the truth requires spiritual communication, and the ability to speak from the heart. This is one of the principles one must have in order to be an honest person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). God’s words woke me up. I thought about how by interacting with Liu Xuan based on philosophies for worldly dealings, I never truly opened my heart up to her or helped her, and never fellowshipped or pointed out her issues, and what I brought to her was deceit and harm, making people dislike me and God detest me. I realized that I couldn’t continue being a selfish, deceitful people pleaser anymore, and that I had to be an honest person according to God’s words and speak up about the issues I saw. The next day, when we communicated our states, I pointed out to Liu Xuan that she had never opened up about her corruptions, that she wasn’t focusing on guiding everyone into principles in our duties, and that this could easily lead others to look up to her. Meanwhile, I warned her that doing duties like this was not the right path to walk. Liu Xuan realized the seriousness of her problem after listening, willing to seek the truth and reflect on herself. Later, Liu Xuan learned a lesson from this experience. She began to focus more on communicating principles with us, and she frequently opened up about her corruptions. Our relationship didn’t break because of this. Instead, we became closer to each other. Sometimes, when I couldn’t see through my own state, communicating it with Liu Xuan helped me gain some understanding of myself. I genuinely felt that getting along with people and opening my heart to others according to God’s words not only helped others but also benefited me. During that time, we made progress both in our life entry and in our technical skills. The effectiveness of our duties also improved, and we truly felt God’s guidance. Reflecting on the past, getting along with Liu Xuan based on philosophies for worldly dealings made my life too painful and exhausting. I didn’t fulfill my responsibilities to maintain church work, either. Comparing that to now, when being an honest person according to the word of God and speaking from my heart, I feel God’s guidance and experience a sense of ease and release in my heart. There’s a sweetness and joy that’s hard to describe. I also understand that normal relationships among brothers and sisters should involve no suspicion or barriers. We should treat each other with sincerity, and help and support each other in life entry and duties. This benefits others, us, and church work. It is the word of God that has taught me how to get along with others, and I am truly grateful to God from the bottom of my heart.