By Lu Yan, China

After accepting God’s work in the last days, I have been doing my duty in the church. When I was in my fifties, I began doing text-based duties, and I found that my reaction speed and memory weren’t much worse than those of the younger brothers and sisters, and that my efficiency and effectiveness in my duty were also pretty much the same as theirs. I was quite happy, and I felt very motivated in my duty. But as I aged, my body began to deteriorate, and I also developed high blood pressure. My physical strength and energy also gradually declined, and my mind also became more sluggish. Sometimes when I ate and drank God’s words a little faster, my mind couldn’t keep up, and sometimes I would forget what I had just read and would have to go back and read it again. My memory worsened, and I became very forgetful. Often, words would be on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t remember what I wanted to say. Then I’d look at my partner, a sister in her thirties, full of energy and quick-witted. She was keen eyed and worked quickly and efficiently, and what she could finish in half an hour took me an hour and a half. I often envied her youth and energy, and at the same time, I worried about myself, thinking, “What if, in a few years, my mind becomes even slower? I fear that by then, I won’t be able to do any duty and I’ll become truly useless. How will I be able to gain salvation then?” Sometimes I would even complain in my heart, “Why did I only just accept God’s work in the last days at such an old age? If only I were 20 years younger, how great that would be! Now I’m old, and completely useless.” The truth was, I wanted to do my duty to the best of my abilities, but I was already 60 years old. My mind and eyesight weren’t what they used to be, and I had high blood pressure. If I worked a little longer at night, I’d feel very tired and have to rest early. Seeing the huge gap in efficiency in duties between myself and the younger people made me feel despondent and inferior, and I ended up living in a negative state. I no longer wanted to pay a price in my duty or focus on improving my skills. I didn’t even want to reflect on my deviations to improve my work results. I thought to myself, “I’m old and useless. No matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to do my duty well. Maybe one day, I’ll become a complete waste of space and I’ll be eliminated.”

In my anxiety and worry, I read God’s words: “There are also elderly people among brothers and sisters, who are aged from 60 up to around 80 or 90 and who, because of their advanced age, also experience some difficulties. Despite their age, their thinking is not necessarily so correct or rational, and their ideas and views do not necessarily accord with the truth. These elderly people have problems just the same, and they’re always worrying, ‘My health isn’t so good anymore and I’m limited as to what duty I can perform. If I just perform this little duty, will God remember me? Sometimes I get sick, and I need someone to look after me. When there’s no one to look after me, I’m not able to perform my duty, so what can I do? I’m old and I don’t remember God’s words when I read them and it’s hard for me to understand the truth. When fellowshipping on the truth, I speak in a muddled and illogical way, and I haven’t any experiences worth sharing. I’m old and I don’t have enough energy, my eyesight isn’t very good and I’m not strong anymore. Everything is difficult for me. Not only can I not perform my duty, but I easily forget things and get things wrong. Sometimes I get confused and I cause problems for the church and for my brothers and sisters. I want to attain salvation and pursue the truth but it’s very hard. What can I do?’ When they think of these things, they begin to fret, thinking, ‘How come I only started believing in God at this age? How come I’m not like those who are in their 20s and 30s, or even those in their 40s and 50s? How come I only came across God’s work now when I’m so old? It’s not that my fate is bad; at least now I’ve encountered God’s work. My fate is good, and God has been kind to me! There’s just one thing that I’m not happy about, and that is that I’m too old. My memory isn’t very good, and my health isn’t that great, but I have a strong heart. It’s just that my body doesn’t obey me, and I get sleepy after listening for a while at gatherings. Sometimes I close my eyes to pray and fall asleep, and my mind wanders when I read God’s words. After reading for a bit, I get sleepy and doze off, and the words don’t sink in. What can I do? With such practical difficulties, am I still able to pursue and understand the truth? If not, and if I’m not able to practice in line with the truth principles, then won’t all my faith be in vain? Won’t I fail to attain salvation? What can I do? I’m so worried! …’ … These elderly people fall into deep distress, anxiety, and worry because of their age. Every time they encounter some difficulty, setback, hardship, or obstacle, they blame their age, and even hate themselves and have no liking for themselves. But in any case, it is to no avail, there is no solution, and they have no way forward. Could it be that they really have no way forward? Is there any solution? (Elderly people should also perform their duties as much as they’re able.) It’s acceptable for elderly people to perform their duties as much as they’re able, right? Can elderly people not pursue the truth anymore because of their age? Are they not capable of understanding the truth? (Yes, they are.) Can elderly people understand the truth? They can understand some, and not even young people can understand it all, either. Elderly people always have a misconception, believing that they’re confused, that their memory is bad, and so they can’t understand the truth. Are they right? (No.) Although young people have much more energy than elderly people, and are physically stronger, actually their capacity to understand, comprehend, and know is just the same as that of elderly people. Weren’t elderly people once young as well? They weren’t born old, and young people will all grow old one day, too. Elderly people mustn’t always be thinking that because they’re old, physically weak, unwell, and with bad memories, they’re different from young people. In fact, there is no difference. … it is not that elderly people have nothing to do, nor are they unable to perform their duties, much less are they unable to pursue the truth—there are many things for them to do. The various heresies and fallacies that you have accumulated during your lifetime, as well as the various traditional ideas and notions, ignorant and stubborn things, conservative things, irrational things, and distorted things that you have accumulated have all piled up in your heart, and you should spend even more time than young people to dig out, dissect, and recognize these things. It’s not the case that you have nothing to do, or that you should feel distressed, anxious, and worried when you are at a loose end—this is neither your task nor your responsibility. First of all, elderly people should have the correct mindset. Although you may be getting on in years and you are relatively aged physically, still you should have a young mindset. Although you’re getting old, your thinking is slowed and your memory is poor, if you can still know yourself, still understand the words I say, and still understand the truth, then that proves you are not old and that your caliber is not lacking” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words exposed my exact state. I saw that the sister I was paired with was young and did her duty efficiently, but I was older, had high blood pressure, my mind was slower, and my efficiency in my duty was much lower than hers. I thought that because I was old and useless, God would surely reject and not save me. I was living in a state of misunderstanding God. I was worried that in a few years my body would deteriorate further, and that by then, I might not be able to do any duty and would be eliminated. Thinking about this made me feel sad. But after reading God’s words, I understood that God treats both young and old people equally. When God expresses truth, it isn’t just for the young and not just for the old. God has never divided His chosen people into different ranks based on age, nor He has ever said that the elderly should be cleansed from the church. God doesn’t show favoritism, and no matter how old a person is, they can be watered and nourished by God’s words. God gives everyone an equal opportunity to be saved. If a person doesn’t pursue the truth and is averse to it, they can’t be saved, no matter their age. God determines a person’s outcome and destination not based on age, but mainly on whether the person gains the truth. No matter how old a person is, as long as they can understand God’s words and practice the truth, they can achieve a change in disposition and receive God’s salvation. Although I was already sixty and learned new skills slowly, my mind was still clear, and I could still understand God’s words when I ate and drank them. I could also recognize my shortcomings and corrupt disposition through God’s words. God hadn’t stopped enlightening and guiding me just because I’m old, and God hopes I can spend more time eating and drinking His words. God wants me to gain discernment of Satan’s toxins and laws of survival, and of traditional culture. He wants me to cast off these negative things and to comport myself and act based on the truth. This is what God hopes to see. My mind is still sound and rational now, and I can still do my duties, so I should cherish the time I have now, do my best in my duties, and pursue a change in disposition. I couldn’t use my age as an excuse not to pursue the truth anymore. If I live in worry and anxiety, without a sense of burden for my duty and don’t pursue a change in disposition, then I will truly become useless and will ultimately be eliminated by God.

Later on, I read more of God’s words: “Antichrists believe in God solely for the purpose of obtaining profit and blessings. Even if they endure some suffering or pay some prices, it’s all in order to make a deal with God. Their intention and desire to obtain blessings and rewards is immense, and they cling to it tightly. They don’t accept any of the many truths that God has expressed, in their hearts they always think that believing in God is all about obtaining blessings and securing a good destination, that this is the highest principle, and that nothing can surpass it. They think that people should not believe in God unless for the sake of gaining blessings, and that if it wasn’t for the sake of blessings, belief in God would have no meaning or value, that it would lose its meaning and value. Were these ideas instilled in antichrists by someone else? Do they derive from someone else’s education or influence? No, they are determined by the inherent nature essence of antichrists, which is something no one can change. Despite God incarnate speaking so many words today, antichrists don’t accept any of them, but instead resist and condemn them. The nature of their being averse to the truth and hating the truth can never change. If they can’t change, what does this indicate? It indicates that their nature is wicked. This is not an issue of pursuing or not pursuing the truth; this is a wicked disposition, it is brazenly clamoring against God and antagonizing God. This is the nature essence of antichrists; it is their true face” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). God exposes that antichrists, no matter how much suffering they endure or how much of a price they pay in their belief in God, are always trying to bargain with God for blessings. They value blessings more than the pursuit of the truth for salvation. When they can’t gain blessings, they are unwilling to do any duty or pay any price. They even oppose God and complain that God is unrighteous. This is the wicked disposition of an antichrist. Reflecting on myself after accepting God’s work in the last days, I saw that believing in God brought blessings and the chance to be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven, and I was happy about this, so I did my duties no matter what. When I saw that my work produced decent results, I felt that I was contributing to the church, so I thought God would surely give me a good destination. But now that I’m old and have health issues, my efficiency and results in my duties could no longer keep up with those of younger people, so I worried that as I got older, I wouldn’t be able to do any duties anymore, and that I’d then be eliminated by God. Feeling that I’d lost all hope for receiving blessings, I fell into negative emotions, living in pain, worry, and negative resistance. I claimed that my efforts and expenditures were for the sake of my duties, but deep down, I was always making calculations for the sake of my outcome and destination. I was trying to use my duties to bargain with God. In essence, I was trying to manipulate and deceive God. I saw just how truly selfish and despicable I’d been! I thought of how God has expressed millions of words to save humanity, and about how fortunate I am to have come before God’s presence, and to have enjoyed so much of the nourishment of God’s word and to have gained discernment about negative things. I came to understand the value and meaning of life as a created being and gained the opportunity to be saved. I no longer lived in the emptiness of striving for gains and pleasurable indulgence like nonbelievers. Because of my duty, I can live before God, and this has spared me from so much of Satan’s harm. Now, even though I’m older and have high blood pressure, I don’t have any severe symptoms, and so long as I maintain a regular routine, I don’t need medication to do my duties normally. Isn’t this God’s grace upon me? Yet, even after enjoying God’s love, I didn’t repay it and instead used my duties to try and bargain with God. I was truly lacking in conscience and reason! I came before God and repented, “Oh God, I’ve always tried to bargain with You in my duties, pursuing blessings, and making You despise and loathe me. I am willing to truly repent to You.”

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and found a path of practice. Almighty God says: “Besides being able to perform their duty well to the best of their abilities, there are many things elderly people can do. Unless you’re stupid, demented, and cannot understand the truth, and unless you’re unable to take care of yourself, there are many things you should do. Just like young people, you can pursue the truth, you can seek the truth, and you should often come before God to pray, seek the truth principles, strive to view people and things and comport yourself and act wholly according to God’s words, with the truth as your criterion. This is the path you should follow, and you should not feel distressed, anxious, or worried because you’re old, because you have many ailments, or because your body is aging. Feeling distress, anxiety, and worry is not the right thing to do—they are irrational manifestations” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). From God’s words, I understood that in addition to correctly facing the natural laws of aging, sickness, and death established by God, the elderly should often come before God to pray and seek Him, treating the people, events and things that arise based on the truth principles, focusing on practicing the truth to satisfy God. They shouldn’t feel inferior because they’re older and less capable than younger people, nor should they feel constrained by their age. They should do their duties to the best of their ability, considering their energy and physical condition. This is the mindset that the elderly should have. Realizing this, I also became able to properly face my age and shortcomings. Bearing in mind that I was older and tended to forget things, I made notes in advance of the work I needed to do so I didn’t delay my work. In terms of specialized skills, younger people can remember things after learning them once, while I have a poor memory and understand things more slowly. Because of this, I put in more effort, and if I couldn’t learn them after one time, I would study them three more times. I shouldn’t keep comparing myself to younger people, but should instead pursue the truth and strive to do my duties to the best of my ability. I then thought of God’s words: “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this. You must realize that all those who do not follow the will of God shall also be punished. This is an immutable fact” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). From God’s words, I understood that God’s determination of a person’s outcome and destination isn’t based on their age, nor is it based on how much suffering a person has endured, but rather on whether they have gained the truth and whether their disposition has changed. If I don’t pursue the truth and don’t relinquish my desire for blessings, and my corrupt disposition doesn’t change, then even if I were twenty years younger, I would still be eliminated. I don’t want to hold on to my fallacious views any longer, and I only wish to seek to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, to do my duties well while I live, to pursue a change in disposition, and in the end, even if I don’t have a good outcome, I should still fulfill my duties. This is the conscience and reason one should have and the direction I should pursue.

I remember one time, we gathered to study work-related skills regarding the problems at hand, but there were some issues that I didn’t quite understand yet. When my partnered sister started to fellowship her insights, and her fellowship was quite good, my negative emotions resurfaced, and I thought, “I am older now and it takes so long for me to understand things, if in another two years I become even more dull, then I won’t be able to do any duties at all.” These thoughts made me feel uncomfortable. But at that moment, I recalled God’s words: “Whether you are physically capable of performing your duty or not, whether you can take on any work or not, whether your health permits you to perform your duty or not, your heart must not stray from God, and you must not abandon your duty in your heart. In this way, you will fulfill your responsibilities, your obligations, and your duty—this is the faithfulness you should hold to” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words instantly dispelled my concerns. In the future, if when I become older I am unable to comprehend things quickly, and can’t do my text-based duties, I can still do other duties that suit my capabilities. Even if one day my physical condition prevents me from doing my duties, so long as my heart doesn’t depart from God, and I can call out to Him, eat and drink His words, and reflect on myself, God won’t reject me. What God despises is my lack of genuine faith in Him, as I always pursue blessings. Thinking of this, I felt a sense of liberation in my heart and no longer felt passive or negative. Instead, I began to think things through deeply and study, making some progress in learning the skills at hand. I thank God for His guidance from the bottom of my heart. No matter what my physical condition is, or what kind of outcome or destination I face, I am willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and do my duties well.