By Chen Ling, China

In elementary school, I got bad grades, but I was young and so I didn’t feel embarrassed. But during middle school, when I started to notice that my teachers and classmates respected and heaped praise on students with good grades, I became envious. I also wanted to do better in my studies to receive everyone’s praise, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t bring my grades up. I blamed myself, saying, “How can I be so stupid? How embarrassing!” So I ended up withdrawing. When I started looking for work, I was only able to get manual labor jobs because I lacked education and skills and was not particularly bright. When I saw how smart, educated people could make more money without having to do physical labor, I once again blamed myself for being unintelligent and felt really depressed.

After accepting Almighty God’s last days’ work, I saw that church leaders were able to forsake things, expend themselves, suffer and pay a price, and could resolve brothers and sisters’ difficulties through fellowshipping on God’s words. Everyone admired and respected them and I became very envious of them as a result. I looked forward to the day that I too could become a church leader. I never imagined that just two years later I’d be selected as a church leader. I enthusiastically forsook things, expended myself, and would actively work to find host homes and people to do duties when needed. I never complained no matter how difficult or tiring the work was. I would do my best to help whomever was having issues, and the brothers and sisters all praised me for my ability to endure suffering and my loving attitude. But the church work just never showed signs of improvement, because I just went by the book, parroted others’ words, and wasn’t able to use the truth to resolve actual issues. Ultimately, I just wasn’t cut out for the work and was dismissed, which left me deeply frustrated and negative. I felt that if my brothers and sisters knew I had poor caliber, they would look down on me and then I’d have even less of a chance to be seen. I couldn’t help but blame God: Why was my caliber so poor while other people had such good caliber? Later on, the church leader assigned me to a general affairs duty. Whenever I thought of how I could only do manual labor because I had poor caliber, and couldn’t earn respect from others, I felt a bit down and wasn’t motivated in my duty. After that, the leader assigned me to safeguard church property. Out of concern for safety, I could only interact with one other brother. I thought to myself, “Because of my poor caliber, I can only do these behind-the-scenes tasks.” Thinking this, I lost motivation in my duty. I didn’t summarize the deviations or issues that arose, much less did I seek the truth to resolve them.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words that somewhat awakened me. Almighty God says: “Most of those whom God saves are not those who hold high positions in the world or in society. Because their caliber and abilities are average or even poor, they struggle to find popularity or success in the world, often feeling that life is bleak and unfair. This leads to a need for faith, and ultimately, they come before God and enter into God’s house. This is a basic condition God gives people in choosing them. Only with this need can one have the desire to accept God’s salvation. If your conditions in all aspects are good and suitable for striving in the world, and you are always wanting to make a name for yourself, then you would not have the desire to accept God’s salvation, nor would you even have the opportunity to receive God’s salvation. Even though you may have average or even poor caliber, you are still much more blessed than nonbelievers in having the opportunity to be saved by God. Therefore, having a poor caliber is not your shortcoming, nor is it an obstacle to casting off corrupt dispositions and achieving salvation. In the final analysis, it is God who gave you this caliber. You have as much as God gives you. If God gives you good caliber, then you have good caliber. If God gives you average caliber, then your caliber is average. If God gives you poor caliber, then your caliber is poor. Once you understand this, you must accept it from God and be able to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Which truth forms the basis for submitting? It is that such arrangements by God contain God’s good will; God has painstaking intentions, and people must not complain or misunderstand God’s heart. God will not hold you in high esteem because of your good caliber, nor will He disdain or detest you for your poor caliber. What is it that God detests? What God detests is people not loving or accepting the truth, people understanding the truth but not practicing it, people not doing what they are capable of doing, people not being able to give their all in their duties yet always having extravagant desires, always wanting status, vying for position, and always wanting things from Him. This is what God finds disgusting and detestable” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth II. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). As I pondered over God’s words, I was deeply touched. I realized that God had predetermined that I would have poor caliber and behind this was His goodwill. I had a deep desire for reputation and status, and had sought to distinguish myself from an early age. If I had good caliber and good qualifications, and had attained a high status in the world and was respected and admired, I would never have come before God and would have lived under the ravages of Satan, enjoying the pleasures of sin. I realized that my poor caliber had helped me attain God’s protection and brought me before God. This was God’s salvation. Because I had poor caliber, the church assigned me to general affairs work and the duty was quite suitable for me. If I had put some effort into it, I could have done well, but instead I complained because the duty wouldn’t allow me to distinguish myself and be seen. I was even perfunctory and went through the motions in my duty. Seeing how I didn’t fulfill my role, I realized I was so arrogant and irrational!

I then came across another passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “People with poor caliber specifically display their lack of creativity by not knowing how to apply tenets and principles to specific, real work; they are only able to parrot words, learn doctrines, and memorize regulations. Merely memorizing doctrines and regulations is useless, and does not indicate one has creativity. Whether or not someone has creativity is evident by whether they can implement tenets, principles, and rules into real life, doing the work related to these tenets and principles well, so that these tenets and principles do not remain mere words and doctrines, regulations, and formulae, but are implemented in people’s lives and applied to people, allowing people to use them and derive benefits and assistance from them, becoming a path for practice in life, or a guide, direction, and goal for living. If a person lacks this creativity and knows only how to spout words and doctrines and shout slogans, and is unable to put these principles and tenets to use when it comes time to do their duty, those who follow such a leader or person in charge will not gain principles of practice in this aspect of the truth. Such leaders or individuals in charge are people of poor caliber, incapable of the work, and should be reported and dismissed once identified. … Therefore, creativity is a crucial ability for a leader or worker or person in charge. If you lack the basic caliber and ability to do the work, you absolutely must be cautious and not just charge ahead out of enthusiasm, always wanting to stand out, always wanting to be a leader or person in charge. Doing so not only hinders yourself but also hinders others from receiving salvation. If you only hinder yourself, it’s just your own death you’ve caused, but if you hinder the brothers and sisters, aren’t you harming many people? You might not care about your own life, but others care about theirs. Moreover, it’s one thing to hinder your own day-to-day life or financial success, but hindering the work of the church is no small matter. Can you bear such a responsibility? If you are truly someone with conscience and feel that this responsibility is significant, that hindering the work of the church is not something you can bear responsibility for, then you absolutely must not resort to any means necessary to show off and vie for leadership. If you lack the caliber and stature, don’t always strive to stand out. Don’t let your craving for authority hinder the work of the church or hinder God’s chosen people from entering into the truth and gaining a good destination—this is a sin! You should have some self-awareness. Do what you are capable of doing and don’t always aspire to be a leader. Besides being a leader, there are many other duties you can do. Being a leader is not your exclusive right, nor should it be your pursuit. If you have the caliber and stature to be a leader, and you also have a sense of burden, then it is best to let others elect you. This practice benefits the work of the church and everyone involved. If you lack the caliber to be a leader, you should be considerate and take some responsibility for others’ futures. Do not always vie to be a leader and do not hinder others. Wanting to be a leader and take charge of the work of the church despite having poor caliber shows a lack of reason. If you lack the caliber and stature, just do your own duties well. Truly fulfilling your duties shows you have some reason. Work according to your ability; do not harbor ambitions and desires. Do not only seek to satisfy your personal desires while neglecting the work of the church, as this harms both yourself and the church. This is the manifestation of poor caliber in terms of creativity” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth II. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). What God exposed was precisely my own behavior. I had poor caliber and lacked creativity, and I was only able to understand some doctrinal knowledge and abide by certain regulations in my duty, but was unable to resolve actual problems, so I wasn’t suited to serve as a leader. After being selected as a leader, I served with enthusiasm, expended myself, was motivated and could perform some general affairs work, but because I had poor caliber, I could only follow regulations and do everything by the book. I couldn’t grasp and was unable to resolve actual problems in the work and was eventually dismissed because I was unable to do actual work. There are certain principles we can go by to determine if someone is suited to be a leader. At the very least they should have good humanity and average caliber, and be able to resolve real issues. As for me, I didn’t have the caliber of a leader, and if I continued to serve in that role, I would just be obstructing the church’s work and delaying my brothers and sisters’ life entry. That would be a massive transgression! It was right for the leader to dismiss me, given that I had poor caliber and was incapable of doing the church work. This not only protected me, it was also the responsible thing to do for the church’s work. But I lacked any self-knowledge. I had poor caliber yet a strong desire for status and reputation, always wanting to distinguish myself by serving as a leader or worker. How irrational I was! I prayed to God, saying, “Dear God, all thanks to You. You stopped me from walking an evil path just in time through Your dismissal. You also helped me understand my state through the exposure of Your words. Now I completely accept that I was dismissed for having poor caliber. Oh God, I am willing to repent and no longer blame my poor caliber. I wish to seek the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition and have the right attitude about my caliber.”

I continued to reflect and seek as to why I always complained about my poor caliber. Later on, I realized there was a problem with my state after reading a passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; they would not consider these problems otherwise. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less something extraneous that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they strive for on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they strive for, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes how no matter what antichrists are doing, they always first consider their own reputation and status. In all things, they endeavor to satisfy their ambitions and desires. I might have had poor caliber, but the disposition I revealed was just like that of an antichrist. In my duty, I sought to attain people’s respect and always wanted to be seen. When faced with dismissal, I didn’t reflect on my deficiencies; instead I behaved unreasonably, complaining about God for giving me poor caliber and becoming negative and slacking off. I saw that despite being in the faith for years and enjoying so much of the watering and supply of God’s words, my life disposition hadn’t changed at all, and I cherished reputation and status as much as my own life. This was truly dangerous! I thought of my previous partner, Yang Jing. She had some caliber and work ability, but she was arrogant, arbitrary and obsessed with status. She would show off in her duty whenever possible to gain people’s respect and did things that disrupted and disturbed church work. Our leader exposed and pruned her multiple times, but she wouldn’t repent. Ultimately, she was revealed as an antichrist and expelled. I was always pursuing status, fame and gain, so if I had good caliber, then as soon as I attained status and gained people’s respect, I would certainly go down the same path as Yang Jing. I silently prayed to God, saying, “Oh God, I have been corrupted too deeply by Satan and am so obsessed with status, fame and gain. If not for the judgment and exposure of Your words, I would have been completely ignorant of the antichrist disposition I’ve revealed. I have been so numb and dull-witted! Oh God, I thank You for Your enlightenment and guidance through Your words. I am ready to repent and pursue the truth and fulfill my duty as best I can given my caliber.”

During devotionals, I came across a few more passages that helped me understand how to think about my caliber. Almighty God says: “According to your caliber, you can only do some laborious jobs, jobs that are not visible, looked down upon, and unremembered by people—if this is your situation, you should accept it from God and not develop a resentful heart, and you certainly should not choose your duties based on your own wishes. Do whatever God’s house arranges for you, and as long as it is within your caliber, you should do it well. … Even though you cannot do other work, even though you cannot play a key and decisive role in the work of the church, and you have no significant contributions, if you can exert your full effort and loyalty in some unnoticed work and seek only to satisfy God, that is enough. This is not failing God’s exaltation of you. Do not choose tasks based on whether they are dirty or tiring, whether others see you doing them, or whether people praise or look down on you for doing them. Do not think about these things; just seek to accept it from God, submit, and fulfill the duties you should” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth II. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). “Discerning the various manifestations of people with different calibers and providing these specific examples is meant to help you correlate yourself with them, so you can accurately identify your own position, rationally approach your own caliber and various conditions, and rationally approach God’s exposure and judgment of you—as well as pruning and the work arranged for you—allowing you to be able to submit from the depths of your heart with gratitude, rather than show resistance and repulsion. When people can rationally approach their own caliber and then accurately identify their own position, acting as created beings that God wants in a down-to-earth way, doing what they should do properly based on their original caliber, and fully dedicating their loyalty and effort, they achieve God’s satisfaction” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth II. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). God’s words gave me a path of practice. Despite my poor caliber, God had not treated me poorly. Safeguarding the church’s property required responsibility and attention to detail. I had to regularly check and maintain the property. If I worked conscientiously, I was capable of doing these things and the duty was suitable for me. I should know my place and loyally do my duty to the best of my abilities. I thought of God’s words, which say: “The functions are not the same. There is one body. Each does his duty, each in his place and doing his very best—for each spark there is one flash of light—and seeking maturity in life. Thus will I be satisfied” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 21). God’s words greatly encouraged me, and deep down, I wanted to cherish this duty. Later on, while doing my duty of safeguarding property, I would continually summarize my mistakes and flaws, identify where I had violated principles, and quickly rectify my issues after identifying them. When I couldn’t identify issues myself, I’d pray to God and ask Him to reveal them to me. I would try my best to do whatever was needed to benefit my work. That I achieved this understanding and transformation was all due to the guidance of God’s words. Thank God!