By Xiao Han, China

Ling Xin was riding her bike down an empty street. It was the coldest part of winter, and the biting wind made her shiver uncontrollably. Her heart was filled with anxiety. She was on her way to a gathering with some waterers, and she had heard that two of the brothers were particularly serious with their work, always eager to seek out problems. Ling Xin was worried, as she thought, “I’m so young and just started practicing as the supervisor. What if I can’t solve their problems? How humiliating would that be?” She wanted to ride slower, but the gusts of cold wind wouldn’t let her linger on the road. She quickened her pace, hurrying to the gathering.

When Ling Xin arrived at the host’s house, everyone exchanged greetings and began to fellowship and talk about their work. Later, the fellowship turned to the significance of suffering while doing one’s duty. Ling Xin fellowshipped her understanding of this topic. After listening to her, Brother Su Rui, one of the waterers, said, “To resolve the issue of fearing suffering while doing our duty, we not only need to understand the meaning of suffering but also need to dissect which aspect of our corrupt disposition leads to always indulging in the comforts. I used to care for the flesh and avoid suffering, but then I read God’s words….” As Ling Xin listened, it felt like Su Rui was directly fellowshipping to her, and she suddenly felt her face flush with heat, thinking, “Has Su Rui noticed my shortcomings? Does he think I’m not that competent as the supervisor? Does he think my life entry is so shallow, yet I’m here fellowshipping with them!” Ling Xin felt fidgeted.

Throughout the afternoon, the brothers asked many questions, and Ling Xin kept thinking all the time, not daring to relax for a moment. Then, Su Rui raised another question that Ling Xin couldn’t answer clearly. After she fellowshipped her thoughts, Su Rui still didn’t understand, and they all fell silent. The clock continued to tick, and the soft sound of its movement was especially loud and clear at that moment. “What are we supposed to do now?” Brother Li Yang broke the silence. Su Rui responded, “We’re waiting for the supervisor to fellowship. This issue hasn’t been fellowshipped clearly yet.” Ling Xin smiled awkwardly and tried to stay calm, saying, “I’m still thinking about it.” But inside, her mind was a tangled mess, and she felt anxious and worried. “What if I can’t resolve this issue? Wouldn’t that be embarrassing?” Fortunately, everyone started to fellowship one after another, and the issue was resolved to some degree. Ling Xin let out a long sigh, and glanced at the time on her computer—it was already late—so she quickly packed her things and hurried out.

By the time she headed back, the sun had already set, and the last bit of twilight was gradually fading away, leaving Ling Xin with a face full of disappointment and loss. She thought, “After a long day, the brothers have seen right through me. I wanted to leave others a good impression, but I couldn’t believe it turned out like this. Will they say I’m not doing a great job as the supervisor? Will they say my life entry is shallow and my skills aren’t good, either? Why do they have so many questions? Can’t they just ask fewer?” Ling Xin complained in her heart, “I won’t go to this group anymore. The more I go, the more embarrassed I get. Anyway, there’s a sister I’m partnered with. Just let her go instead.”

After this incident, Ling Xin was unable to feel released for a long time. Whenever it came to having gatherings for waterers, she just wanted to run. She knew she was living in a corrupt disposition, so she consciously ate and drank God’s words regarding her state. She read God’s words: “Standing in the proper place of a created being and being an ordinary person: Is this easy to do? (It is not easy.) Wherein is the difficulty? It is this: People always feel that their heads are topped with many halos and titles. They also give themselves the identity and status of great figures and supermen and engage in all those pretended and false practices and outward shows. If you don’t let go of these things, if your words and deeds are always constrained and controlled by these things, then you will find it difficult to enter into the reality of God’s word. It will be hard to stop fretting for solutions for things you don’t understand and bring such matters before God more often and offer to Him a sincere heart. You won’t be able to do this. It is exactly because your status, your titles, your identity, and all such things are false and untrue, because they go against and contradict God’s words, that these things bind you up so that you cannot come before God. What do these things bring to you? They make you good at disguising yourself, pretending to understand, pretending to be smart, pretending to be a great figure, pretending to be a celebrity, pretending to be capable, pretending to be wise, and even pretending to know everything, be capable of everything, and be able to do everything. This makes it so others will worship and admire you. They will come to you with all their problems, relying on you and looking up to you. Thus, it is as if you put yourself on a fire to roast. Tell Me, does it feel good to roast on the fire? (No.) You don’t understand, but you dare not say that you don’t understand. You can’t see through, but you don’t dare to say you can’t see through. You obviously made a mistake, but you dare not admit it. Your heart is in anguish, but you dare not say, ‘This time it’s really my fault, I owe a debt to God and to my brothers and sisters. I have caused such a great loss to the house of God, but I don’t have the courage to stand before everyone and admit it.’ Why do you dare not speak? You believe, ‘I need to live up to the reputation and halo my brothers and sisters have given me, I can’t betray the high regard and trust they have for me, much less the eager expectations that they have held for me over so many years. Therefore, I have to keep pretending.’ What is such a disguise like? You have successfully made yourself into a great figure and a superman. Brothers and sisters want to come to you to inquire, consult, and even beseech your counsel about whatever problems they face. It seems that they cannot even live without you. But isn’t your heart in anguish? Of course, some people don’t feel this anguish. An antichrist doesn’t feel this anguish. Instead, they delight in it, thinking that their status is above all else. An average, normal person, however, feels anguish when they are roasted on the fire. They feel that they are nothing at all, just like an ordinary person. They do not believe that they are stronger than others. They not only think that they cannot accomplish any practical work, but that they will also delay the work of the church and delay God’s chosen people, so they will take the blame and resign. This is someone with reason” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). Ling Xin pondered on God’s words and realized that she had been living for reputation and status, considering in every situation how to maintain her status and position as a supervisor. She thought back to the time before she had become a supervisor. She’d never carried a burden, no matter whether she was fellowshipping the truth or communicating and exploring questions she didn’t understand with people. She would share as much as she knew, neither afraid of saying something wrong, nor feeling nervous about her lack of understanding. She had known her life entry was shallow and that she didn’t fully grasp some principles, so she had to fellowship and seek more to make up for what she lacked. But now things were different, being a supervisor. She’d felt that she always had to be better than the other brothers and sisters, that her fellowshipping on the truth had to be more in-depth, and that her work capabilities couldn’t be too poor. She’d thought she had to be able to fellowship solutions to questions others raised; otherwise, the brothers and sisters would look down on her. When she had attended gatherings, Su Rui had pointed out the deficiencies in her fellowshipping on the truth. She had also encountered some problems she couldn’t understand clearly, and even though she didn’t know the answers, she had been unwilling to admit it. She had been preoccupied with her own pride and status, and felt ill at ease. She had also worried that if she continued going to hold gatherings with the waterers, she would embarrass herself even more, so she had become reluctant to go, thinking this would help cover up her deficiencies and shortcomings, and preserve her image as a supervisor. Ling Xin realized that she had put herself on a pedestal, and that she had been trying to disguise herself as a great person with no shortcomings. She had been truly arrogant and lacking in self-knowledge! It was perfectly normal for her to expose her own issues and shortcomings since she was new as a supervisor, and God was using these issues and difficulties as opportunities for her to practice. She had to earnestly seek out the truth principles to solve these problems, rather than choosing to avoid them because she perceived herself to be inadequate; what’s more, by doing the latter, she hadn’t been fulfilling her responsibilities. Ling Xin saw God’s requirements for people: “Do not fret for solutions to what you do not understand; bring such matters before God more often, and offer to Him a sincere heart” (God’s Fellowship). Ling Xin came to understand that God wants people, when they are faced with things they don’t understand, to often come before Him to pray and seek with a sincere heart. But she had been tightly bound by her concern for pride and status, always thinking about how to preserve her image and status. She knew she was lacking a lot, but she hadn’t thought about how to solve problems in order to advance the work. That the brothers were fairly serious about their work was a good thing; whereas she, unable to understand the truth and solve problems, had blamed others for asking too many questions—she truly had been impervious to reason! After realizing these things, Ling Xin kept reading God’s words and found a path of practice.

Almighty God says: “Tell Me, how can you be people who are ordinary and normal? How can you, as God says, assume the proper place of a created being—how can you not try to be a superman, or some great figure? How should you practice to be an ordinary and normal person? How can this be done? … Firstly, don’t give yourself a title and become bound by it, saying, ‘I am the leader, I am the head of the team, I am the supervisor, no one knows this business better than me, no one understands the skills more than me.’ Don’t get caught up in your self-appointed title. As soon as you do, it will bind your hands and feet, and what you say and do will be affected. Your normal thinking and judgment will also be affected. You must free yourself from the constraints of this status. First, lower yourself from this official title and position and stand in the place of an ordinary person. If you do, your mentality will become somewhat normal. You must also admit and say, ‘I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t understand that, either—I’m going to have to do some research and studying,’ or ‘I’ve never experienced this, so I don’t know what to do.’ When you are capable of saying what you’re really thinking and speaking honestly, you will be possessed of normal reason. Others will know the real you, and will thus have a normal view of you, and you will not have to put on an act, nor will there be any great pressure on you, and so you will be able to communicate with people normally. Living like this is free and easy; anyone who finds living exhausting has caused this themselves. Don’t pretend or put up a front. First, open up about what you’re thinking in your heart, about your true thoughts, so that everyone is aware of them and understands them. As a result, your concerns and the barriers and suspicions between you and others will all be eliminated. You’re also hobbled by something else. You always consider yourself the head of the team, a leader, a worker, or someone with a title, status, and standing: If you say you don’t understand something, or can’t do something, are you not denigrating yourself? When you put aside these fetters in your heart, when you stop thinking of yourself as a leader or a worker, and when you stop thinking that you’re better than other people and feel that you are an ordinary person, the same as everyone else, and that there are some areas in which you are inferior to others—when you fellowship the truth and work-related matters with this attitude, the effect is different, as is the atmosphere. If, in your heart, you always have misgivings, if you always feel stressed and hobbled, and if you want to rid yourself of these things but can’t, then you should pray seriously to God, reflect on yourself, see your shortcomings, and strive toward the truth. If you can put the truth into practice, you will get results. Whatever you do, don’t speak and act from a certain position or using a certain title. First, put all this to one side, and put yourself in the place of an ordinary person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). From God’s words, Ling Xin realized that she needed to let go of her status as a supervisor, and that she was just an ordinary person, the same as everyone else, just doing a different duty. Now that she was a supervisor, it simply meant bearing more responsibility, but her stature remained the same as it had been originally. Becoming a supervisor didn’t mean that her stature had grown, or that she had a clearer understanding of various aspects of the truth—it had been unrealistic to think that. Moreover, having served as a waterer for so long, her brothers and sisters already knew her for what she really was; didn’t the fact that she had wanted to pretend to be someone superior mean that she had tried to deceive both herself and others, and put herself to roast over a fire? Ling Xin understood that she had to let go of the title of supervisor, treat her shortcomings correctly, fellowship on and explore what she did not understand with others, or seek the truth herself to resolve it, and take every revelation as a good opportunity for life growth.

The weather was gradually getting warmer, and the wind became much gentler. Ling Xin has taken off her heavy cotton clothes, feeling relaxed and pleased.

Shortly after this, Ling Xin was assigned to take charge of sermon work. When she saw that some brothers and sisters had written sermons before and that some had many years of experience in preaching the gospel, she couldn’t help but lament, “Which one of them isn’t better than me? How am I supposed to supervise this work?” Ling Xin felt overwhelmed, worrying that if she couldn’t direct the work properly, the brothers and sisters might be unconvinced of her and say, “You’re the supervisor, but can you really handle being a supervisor like this?” She worried that if the results were poor and she ended up getting dismissed, she’d be utterly humiliated. Ling Xin found herself living amidst repression and worry.

The rain outside had been drizzling continuously for several days, though it wasn’t heavy. Ling Xin noticed that the quality of the sermons submitted by the brothers and sisters wasn’t very high, and she wanted to fellowship with them about the principles. However, she hesitated, thinking, “Last time during the gathering, I just sat on the side, barely able to say a few words. That was super embarrassing. I don’t even know what the brothers and sisters think of me. If I go this time and still can’t solve any problems, what should I do? Maybe I shouldn’t go, that way I won’t lose face.” Ling Xin looked out the window; the rain kept falling. She comforted herself by thinking, “Although I’m not going to have fellowship with them, I can still fellowship through a letter. It should be the same whether I go or not.”

One day, the leader made an appointment with Ling Xin to have a gathering. After inquiring into the work situation, the leader pointed out that Ling Xin was not being responsible in her duty, and that she was failing to actually follow up on the work and solve problems, which was resulting in sermons being of poor quality. Ling Xin felt deeply ashamed, and she hated herself for always worrying about her pride and status, which delayed the work. The leader then shared some of God’s words, and one particular passage moved Ling Xin somewhat. Almighty God says: “It doesn’t matter how talented you are, what level of caliber and education you possess, how many slogans you can shout, or how many words and doctrines are in your grasp; regardless of how busy you are or how exhausted you are in a day, or how far you’ve traveled, how many churches you visit, or how much risk you take and suffering you endure—none of these matter. What matters is whether you are performing your work based on the work arrangements, whether you are accurately implementing those arrangements; whether, during your leadership, you are participating in every specific work you are responsible for, and how many real issues you have actually resolved; how many individuals have come to understand the truth principles because of your leadership and guidance, and how much the church’s work has advanced and developed—what matters is whether or not you have achieved these results. Regardless of the specific work you’re involved in, what matters is whether you are consistently following up on and directing the work rather than acting high and mighty and issuing orders. Besides this, what also matters is whether or not you have life entry while doing your duty, whether you can deal with matters according to principles, whether you possess a testimony of putting the truth into practice, and whether you can handle and resolve the real issues faced by God’s chosen people. These and other similar things are all criteria for assessing whether or not a leader or worker has fulfilled their responsibilities. Would you say that these criteria are practical? And fair toward people? (Yes.) They are fair for everyone. No matter your level of education, whether you are young or old, how many years you have believed in God, your seniority, or how much of God’s word you have read, none of this is important. What matters is how well you do the church work after being chosen as a leader, how effective and efficient you are in your work, and whether each item of work progresses in an organized and effective manner, and is not delayed. These are the main things that are evaluated when measuring whether a leader or worker has or has not fulfilled their responsibilities” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (9)). Ling Xin saw that God fellowshipped that the duties of leaders and workers are to guide brothers and sisters to understand the truth principles and to promote the advancement of all items of work in God’s house. God doesn’t judge a person based on how much they appear to suffer, but rather by whether their duties yield real results and whether they fulfill their responsibilities. After reading God’s words, Ling Xin asked herself, “How much real work have I done since becoming a supervisor? Have I resolved all the issues I found? Has the work yielded real results and moved forward?” Ling Xin couldn’t answer any of these questions. As a leader and worker, when one notices that the work isn’t producing good results, one should actually investigate the reasons for these poor results and, depending on whether people are living in their corrupt dispositions or don’t grasp the principles, one should then resolve the problems in a targeted manner. However, fearing that she wouldn’t be able to resolve the problems and that others would see through her, she had only written letters to briefly fellowship the principles, which had resulted in the problems going unresolved and the work results being consistently poor. Wasn’t this all caused by her not doing real work? After the gathering, Ling Xin immediately went to meet with the brothers and sisters who were writing sermons. Through detailed inquiry, she found that they indeed hadn’t been writing according to the principles, so she fellowshipped some principles with everyone together. Just a few days later, a sermon of higher quality was submitted. Ling Xin was very pleased, but she also felt somewhat remorseful. If she’d addressed these problems earlier, the work wouldn’t have been delayed for so long. She asked herself, “Why couldn’t I let go of my pride? Why was it so difficult for me to practice the truth?” Determined to solve this problem, Ling Xin searched for more of God’s words on this matter.

Almighty God says: “Antichrists live each day only for reputation and status, they live only to revel in the benefits of status, this is all they think about. Even when they do occasionally suffer some minor hardship or pay some trivial price, this is for the sake of obtaining status and reputation. Pursuing status, holding power, and having an easy life are major things that antichrists always scheme for once they believe in God, and they don’t give up until they achieve their goals. If their evil deeds are ever exposed, they panic, as if the sky is about to fall on them. They can’t eat or sleep, and they seem to be in a trance, as if they are suffering from depression. When people ask them what was wrong, they make up lies and say, ‘Yesterday I was so busy that I didn’t sleep all night, so I’m very tired.’ But actually, none of this is true, it is all deception. They feel this way because they are constantly pondering, ‘The bad things I did have been exposed, so how can I restore my reputation and status? What means can I use to redeem myself? What tone can I use with everyone to explain this? What can I say to keep people from seeing through me?’ For a long time, they can’t figure out what to do, and so they are depressed. Sometimes their eyes stare blankly at a single spot, and no one knows what they are looking at. The issue makes them rack their brains, exhaust every train of thought, and not want to eat or drink. Despite this, they still put on the appearance of caring about church work, and ask people, ‘How is the gospel work going? How effectively is it being preached? Have the brothers and sisters gained any life entry recently? Has anyone been causing any disruptions or disturbances?’ These inquiries of theirs about the church’s work are meant as a show for others. If they did learn of problems, they would have no way to resolve them, so their questions are a mere formality that others are liable to see as care for the church’s work. If someone should make a report of the church’s problems for them to resolve, they would just shake their heads. No scheme would avail them, and though they would wish to disguise themselves, they could not, and they would risk being exposed and revealed. This is the biggest problem antichrists face in their entire lives. … Although the church’s work continues under the rule of antichrists, its effectiveness has greatly diminished. Some important work is still controlled by evil individuals, and the work arrangements of God’s house have not been implemented. Although God’s chosen people are each doing their duty, there is no real result, and various tasks have long fallen into a state of paralysis. What is the root cause of these problems? It’s because antichrists have taken control of the church. Anywhere antichrists hold power, no matter the scope of their influence, even if it is just one group, they will influence the work of God’s house and the life entry of a portion of God’s chosen people. If they hold power in a church, church work and God’s will are hindered there. Why can’t the work arrangements of God’s house be implemented in certain churches? It is because antichrists hold power in these churches. Anyone who is an antichrist will not sincerely expend for God, the performance of their duties will just be a matter of formalities and going through the motions. They will not do real work even if they are leaders or workers, and they will only speak and act for the sake of fame, gain, and status, without protecting the work of the church at all” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God exposed that antichrists live solely for reputation and status, and that they spend their days focused on how to protect these things. They show no concern for the work of God’s house, and they avoid doing specific work. But when their reputation or status is threatened, even if it’s just a minor loss, they rack their brains and go to great lengths to disguise and conceal themselves. It’s clear that antichrists don’t care about the work of God’s house, neglect their proper duties, and that they are utterly selfish and despicable. Ling Xin realized that she’d been behaving just like an antichrist, cherishing reputation and status above all else. She didn’t care about the church’s work; just so long as her reputation and status were secure, nothing else mattered. It was as if doing the church’s work was an extra burden on her. Her main focus was on maintaining her reputation and status. After making a fool of herself in front of the brothers and sisters at a gathering with the waterers, she felt so repressed and upset that she didn’t want to go for gatherings there anymore. Now, while following up on the sermon work, she found that instead of thinking of quickly learning after identifying her shortcomings, she just wanted to run and cover up her problems, so that she could avoid appearing incompetent. Her responsibility was to promptly identify various issues in the duty, and to guide the brothers and sisters to seek the truth and enter into principles so that the work could progress smoothly. Her lack of clear understanding of the truth and inexperience in the work were not valid reasons or excuses for not doing real work. God doesn’t demand great results but hopes that people can put their heart and utmost efforts into cooperation, so that they can make progress in their duties and compensate for their shortcomings. But Ling Xin had been focusing only on maintaining her reputation and status and hadn’t been doing any real work. To cover up her shortcomings, she had become a hands-off worker, harming the church’s work. Not only did she fail to contribute to the progress of the work, but she also delayed and impacted the work. How could God not detest these actions of hers? She thought about how the antichrists expelled from the church were deeply concerned with their reputation and status, and about how they enjoyed the esteem of brothers and sisters, and only did things that protected their reputation and status, and they didn’t care even if it disrupted the church’s work. In the end, their numerous evil deeds led to their being expelled and eliminated. Ling Xin realized that she was also revealing the disposition of an antichrist, and that if she didn’t repent, she would end up with the same outcome. Reflecting on this, Ling Xin silently resolved that, moving forward, she would put all her heart into cooperating, that she wouldn’t be constrained by concerns about her pride and status, and that she’d do her duty in a steadfast manner. If she didn’t understand something, she would study the relevant principles or put herself aside and seek from the brothers and sisters. In this way, she could gradually come to do her duty well.

In the following days, Ling Xin focused on actually studying and equipping herself with the relevant truth principles. When fellowshipping with others, she approached it with a learning and sharing mindset. Whenever she encountered something she didn’t understand, she proactively sought advice from others. She didn’t care about how others might view her. As long as she could strive toward God’s requirements and fulfill her duty wholeheartedly, it would be enough.

The long overcast and rainy weather made the air oppressive and heavy, but all of this shall eventually pass. The sun will come out. By then, the sky will be bright and colorful.

Finally, the rain stopped, and the sky gradually became sunny…