By Lu Qiming, China

I’ve been doing my duty of recording hymns at the church, and the quality of the recorded hymns has been quite good. The brothers and sisters generally praised my work. More than ten years passed by quickly, I noticed that many of the hymns they listened to were recorded by me, which made me feel proud. Later on, the church arranged for Brother Li Ming to work with me. He was very interested in recording hymns and knew about some skills. In the beginning, I was enthusiastic about working with Li Ming, and we got along well. I tried to teach him the recording techniques I got. After Li Ming learned some new recording techniques, he suggested that using these new methods would produce better results, and the church leaders also agreed with him to give it a try. I thought, “I’ve been doing this recording duty for many years and I have some understanding of the techniques you’re talking about. Even I found the new techniques quite challenging, you just came here for a few days and wanted to use new techniques for recording? Aren’t you being too arrogant? Moreover, these new techniques are complicated and not something that can be mastered quickly. I think you’re just wasting your time.” I didn’t take this matter seriously. After Li Ming fumbled about with the new methods for several days, the initial recordings weren’t very good, and the brothers and sisters also felt that the results were not satisfactory. I then thought that these new techniques weren’t effective and continued to use the previous methods for recording.

To my surprise, after some time, the hymns Li Ming recorded using the new techniques improved a lot. This created within me a sense of crisis, and I thought to myself, “Li Ming’s recording methods do have their merits. Although it will be somewhat challenging at first, they produce better results for recording hymns, and most of the brothers and sisters approve of them. Moreover, Li Ming’s skills in this area are improving rapidly. If he trains at it for some time and masters these techniques, won’t everyone start looking up to him and focusing on him? Then I will no longer have status in people’s minds, and I won’t be able to make my presence felt anymore! Besides, won’t the brothers and sisters say that I’ve been recording hymns the same old way for so many years without making any progress, while Li Ming has been here for less than two months and has already innovated, producing better results than I have? They’ll think Li Ming is more capable! And they’ll look down on me, surely? What will become of my reputation then? I’ve been doing this recording duty for many years; I can’t let Li Ming surpass me so rapidly. I can’t accept this. Whatever happens, I can’t let him outshine me.” To avoid being outdone by Li Ming, I started getting up early and staying up late to study the previous techniques. When the recordings improved and gained the approval of most of the brothers and sisters, I felt more at ease, thinking, “This time, I’ve shown the brothers and sisters that I’m still better than you; you’re not good enough, so just give up.” But later, I saw that Li Ming was still studying the new techniques, which made me fairly nervous. I worried that if he succeeded, he would replace me, so I thought, “I hope you don’t make progress; it’s better if your research fails! That way, I can maintain my standing and won’t be looked down upon.” I was constantly worried about being replaced by Li Ming, so in my mind I started to develop an estrangement from him and a prejudice toward him, viewing him more and more unfavorably, and my attitude toward him became colder. Sometimes, seeing Li Ming talking enthusiastically and joyfully about his new techniques would make me angrily think, “Now you’re in the spotlight again!” Later, when I saw that Li Ming needed help with his research on the new techniques, I didn’t want to get involved, eagerly hoping that he would fail. Sometimes I felt a tinge of self-reproach, thinking, “I’m not cooperating with him at all; isn’t this just watching on idly while he struggles?” But this little bit of conscience was quickly suppressed by my corrupt disposition. Eventually, to make Li Ming give up on his research of the new techniques, I started making excuses, deliberately saying things like, “The work of recording hymns is getting quite urgent right now, and your research on the new techniques is taking up too much time. Maybe you should stop.” However, he wasn’t influenced by my words and continued with his meticulous research.

One day, Li Ming revealed an arrogant disposition, insisted on his own way, and was pruned. I was secretly pleased, thinking, “See, this is what happens when you show off! You’ve only been here for a few days, and just because you know a bit, you think you can come here and make a big splash, showing how brilliant you are. Now that you’ve been pruned, you’ll calm down!” During that time, I found Li Ming increasingly unpleasant. When we worked together on our duties, we hardly spoke, and when we did, it was only out of necessity. There was a significant emotional distance between us. I realized that I was caught up in seeking fame and status, but I couldn’t let go of it. The emotional turmoil I experienced at that time was indescribable—every day, I felt exhausted, my spirit was uneasy, and I was especially fatigued. Because of our lack of harmonious cooperation, the effects of the hymns we recorded were poor, which also affected the progress of our work. Facing these results caused me great distress, but I felt stuck and didn’t know how to change the situation. During that period, a passage of God’s words often came to my mind: “If in life you do not suffer for the truth or seek to gain it, can it be that you wish to feel regret in your dying hour? If so, then why believe in God? … What can you gain by living for the sake of your flesh and struggling for profit and fame?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Ought to Live for the Truth Since You Believe in God). I repeatedly pondered on God’s words and thought, “Indeed, why have I believed in God for so many years? Is it just to compete for fame and gain with my brother? What can I ultimately gain from believing in God this way? During this time, I have been competing for fame and gain with my brother, falling into darkness and losing the work of the Holy Spirit, resulting in pain and torment. This is God’s detestation and hatred toward me. What is the point of doing my duty in this manner?” I prayed to God, saying, “God, I’ve been living in the pursuit of fame and gain, and it has been so painful. Please lead me out of this state, so that I can work harmoniously with my brother, with one heart and mind, to fulfill our duties well.”

Later, I came across a passage of God’s words: “Every one of you has risen to the pinnacle of the multitudes; you have ascended to be the ancestors of the masses. You are extremely arbitrary, and you run amok among all of the maggots, seeking a place of ease and attempting to devour the maggots that are smaller than you. You are malicious and sinister in your hearts, surpassing even the ghosts that have sunk to the bottom of the sea. You reside in the bottom of the dung, disturbing the maggots from top to bottom until they have no peace, fighting each other for a while and then calming down. You do not know your place, yet still you battle with each other in the dung. What can you gain from such struggle? If you truly had hearts of fear for Me, how could you fight with each other behind My back? No matter how high your status, are you not still a stinking little worm in the dung? Will you be able to sprout wings and become a dove in the sky?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. When Falling Leaves Return to Their Roots, You Will Regret All the Evil You Have Done). After reading God’s words, I gained some insight into myself. Previously, I believed that I had done my duty of recording hymns for so many years that I possessed a special aptitude and was unique. I had thought highly of myself, believing that my scant skills and abilities deserved admiration from others, and I had always appreciated myself and held myself in high regard. When Li Ming had started working with me, I initially hadn’t thought highly of him. But when he had made some progress with the new techniques and gained approval from the brothers and sisters, I had begun to worry that he might surpass me in the future. To maintain my status in the minds of the brothers and sisters, I had started seeing Li Ming as a rival and secretly competed with him. Despite knowing that the old recording techniques I was using had limited potential for improvement, I had been unwilling to let go of myself and learn the new techniques. Later, when I had seen that Li Ming was becoming increasingly proficient with the new techniques and that some brothers and sisters also approved of their use, I had felt threatened that I might be replaced and had started viewing him unfavorably in every regard, eagerly hoping that he would fail in his research. When he had been pruned, I had taken pleasure in it, reveling in his misfortune. Also, whenever he had encountered difficulties, I hadn’t offered to help and had even tried to stifle his positivity toward his research by making cynical remarks, hoping that he would give up, which would secure my standing. I had focused on competing for fame and gain, worried only about maintaining my status and not being replaced. In fact, no matter how many special talents a person possesses, or how great their ability is, in God’s eyes, they are just a small created being with nothing to boast about or be arrogant about. And yet, with my minuscule bit of skill, I had become conceited, thinking I was different from others, and always seeking a position in people’s hearts to enjoy their admiration. How arrogant and unreasonable I had been!

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “Cruel mankind! The connivance and intrigue, the snatching and grabbing one from another, the scramble for fame and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end? Despite the hundreds of thousands of words God has spoken, no one has come to their senses. People act for the sake of their families, sons and daughters, for their careers, future prospects, position, vainglory, and money, for the sake of food, clothing, and the flesh. But is there anyone whose actions are truly for the sake of God? Even among those who act for the sake of God, there are but few who know God. How many people do not act out of their own interests? How many do not oppress or ostracize others in order to protect their own position?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Evil Will Surely Be Punished). God’s words pierced my heart like a sharp sword. In His words of judgment and chastisement, I saw how, for the sake of protecting my status, I had neglected the interests of the church, suppressed and ostracized Li Ming, and engaged in scheming and competition for fame and gain, without any place for God in my heart. Reflecting on when Li Ming had just arrived, I was still able to help him with love and get along with him harmoniously. But later, having seen him working on the new techniques, I had feared he would surpass me and that I would lose the status I had gained in the minds of the brothers and sisters over the years. This had made me resent and ostracize him, eagerly hoping that he would fail in his research. I had also avoided talking to him, even trying every possible means to trip him up, and dampening his enthusiasm. My nature was truly malicious! Recording hymns greatly edifies the lives of the brothers and sisters and is important for spreading the gospel and bearing witness to God. The old recording techniques I had been using had already become outdated, and using new techniques could yield better results in recording the hymns, which would benefit the gospel work. Since I had not found a better solution, I should have cooperated harmoniously with Li Ming in researching the new techniques together with one mind. However, I had not considered the interests of God’s house and had even undermined such crucial work to protect my reputation and status. This showed that I had not one ounce of humanity, and not one ounce of conscience or reason—I had been utterly selfish! By constantly competing and scheming against Li Ming, I had disturbed the hymn recording work, blinded by my pursuit of fame, gain, and status, and had done things that resisted God. I had turned the place where I did my duty into a battlefield, and my duty into a tool to secure my status and livelihood. This truly was detested and abhorred by God! I thought of Paul, who had also competed for fame and gain. When God entrusted Peter with the responsibility of shepherding the churches, and the brothers and sisters really respected and supported Peter, Paul became jealous, deliberately belittling Peter and testifying to himself. Paul gained people’s worship and admiration, fulfilling his desire for fame and status, but he was on the wrong path, leading people to himself, and was ultimately eliminated and punished by God. My view toward pursuit, and the path I was following were the same as Paul’s, and if I carried on like this without repenting, I would also face the same punishment! If I still clung on tightly to reputation and status, that would be utterly foolish and pitiful!

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Since the beginning of His work throughout the universe, God has predestined many people to serve Him, including those from every walk of life. His purpose is to satisfy His intentions and bring His work on earth to smooth completion; this is God’s aim in choosing people to serve Him. Every person who serves God must understand His intention. This work of His makes God’s wisdom and omnipotence, and the principles of His work on earth, more evident to people” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Religious Service Must Be Purged). From God’s words, I understood that God selects people from all walks of life to spread His gospel work, and people’s gifts and talents are from God. God appoints people to certain duties and gives them the corresponding talents, so they can effectively utilize their specialties in doing their duties, which benefits the work of God’s house. Li Ming had a talent for researching new techniques, while I had some technical experience. It was God’s sovereignty and arrangement that we could do duties together, and He wanted us to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses and cooperate harmoniously to fulfill our duties well. This was God’s intention. Recognizing this, I no longer wanted to live in my corrupt disposition. As Li Ming’s skills improved, I noticed that the results of using the new techniques for recording were increasingly better, and I acknowledged that adopting these new methods was more beneficial for the work of God’s house. I was willing to put aside my pride and learn from Li Ming. However, I also thought, “I’ve been doing this duty for many years, and the brothers and sisters regard me highly. But Li Ming, who just got here, made breakthroughs in technique. If I now humble myself to learn from him, what would the brothers and sisters think of me? It would be so embarrassing!” This thought made me feel very awkward, and I found it hard to let go of my ego, realizing that I was too attached to my status. Reflecting on how Christ came to earth in humility and hiddenness and never elevated Himself by His status, or showed off. I realized that my little bit of skill and achievement made me too proud, seeking admiration from others. I had no self-awareness and was too arrogant. The skills and talents I possessed were given by God, and there was nothing for me to boast about. If I was unwilling to humble myself and learn from the brother, I wouldn’t improve technically, either. So, I prayed to God, “God, I am willing to put aside my pride and status to learn from Li Ming. Please give me the strength to be open and cooperate harmoniously with the brother.”

One day, it was just Li Ming and me in the recording studio, and I took the initiative to openly share my state with him. I talked about how I had been competing with him for fame and gain. Li Ming also shared his own state with me. After we talked, the barrier in my heart disappeared, and I felt much more relieved, as if a wall that had been between us was gone. I also read two passages of God’s words, which gave me some practical guidance on how to cooperate harmoniously in doing our duties in the future. Almighty God says: “Whether you are a younger or an older brother or sister, you know the function you ought to perform. Those in their youth are not arrogant; those who are older are not negative, nor do they regress. Moreover, they are able to use each other’s strengths to make up for their weaknesses, and they can serve one another without any prejudice. A bridge of friendship is built between younger and older brothers and sisters, and because of God’s love, you are able to better understand one another. Younger brothers and sisters do not look down on older brothers and sisters, and the older brothers and sisters are not self-righteous: Is this not a harmonious partnership? If you all have such resolve, then the will of God will certainly be fulfilled in your generation” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. On Everyone Performing Their Function). “You must achieve harmonious cooperation for the purpose of the work of God, for the benefit of the church, and so as to spur your brothers and sisters onward. You should coordinate with one another, each amending the other and arriving at a better work outcome, so as to show consideration for God’s intentions. This is what true cooperation is, and only those who engage in it will gain true entry” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Serve As the Israelites Did). God’s intention is for the old not to be self-righteous or cling to outdated things, and for the young not to be arrogant. They should work together harmoniously to fulfill their duties well. Although I had been doing this duty for a long time, I had not made much progress in recording technology. Li Ming was interested in researching new technology and had already made some achievements. He possessed the skills that I lacked, so collaborating with him could make up for my shortcomings and benefit our duties. I must humble myself and learn new techniques from him, working together to fulfill our duties well. After that, I learned and researched new technology together with Li Ming. With God’s guidance, our thinking became clearer as we studied skills, and some problems that had previously been difficult to solve were quickly fixed.

Through this period of experience, I deeply felt that living for fame and status was incredibly painful, leading to the darkness in my heart and unspeakable suffering with no way out. I saw how deeply I was corrupted by Satan, with a strong desire for status, and I was too arrogant. At the same time, I also experienced that God’s disposition is righteous and holy, and cannot be offended, as God said: “I appear to the holy kingdom, and hide Myself from the land of filth” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 29). When I lived in the corrupt disposition of striving for fame and gain, God despised me and hid Himself from me, and I lived in darkness, suffering greatly in my soul. However, when I accepted the judgment and chastisement of God’s words and was willing to put aside my pride and status to cooperate with Li Ming, I saw the work and guidance of the Holy Spirit. God’s words brought me release and freedom. And I felt from the bottom of my heart, how wonderful it is to practice the truth and live according to God’s words!