By Liu Lu, China

At the end of 2016, my child kept getting diarrhea, and no amount of medication helped. Unexpectedly, just a few days after I began believing in God, my child’s illness was cured. After some time, without even noticing it, my chronic headache also improved. I was deeply grateful to God. After that, I made every effort to cooperate on any duty arranged by the church. At that time, my husband stood in the way of my faith in God, but I was not constrained, believing that so long as I sincerely believed in God and did my duties, I would receive God’s blessings and have the chance to be saved.

In April 2020, I was chosen as a church leader, and I cooperated even more actively. One day, a few months later, after a meal, I felt really tired and dizzy, so I checked my blood pressure, and found that it was between 160 mmHg and 90 mmHg. I couldn’t believe it, thinking, “I never had high blood pressure before, why is it suddenly so high?” Since I was still young, I thought that so long as I sincerely did my duties, God would protect me, and my blood pressure would surely go down, so I didn’t feel very constrained, and only used some home remedies for treatment. In March 2021, I measured my blood pressure at a pharmacy, and it was between 185 mmHg and 128 mmHg. The doctor was very surprised, saying, “Your blood pressure is very high; be very careful not to fall when riding a bike.” Hearing the doctor say this made me pretty anxious, and I thought, “High blood pressure can lead to lots of complications, some people have cerebral congestion due to high blood pressure and suddenly die, some get cerebral infarctions and end up walking with a limp, and others end up paralyzed, unable to take care of themselves, what if I fall and become paralyzed?” At this point, I began to complain, thinking, “I have always done my duties, so why is my blood pressure still so high? Why hasn’t God protected me?” One morning when I got up, I suddenly felt very dizzy, both shoulders hurt terribly, and it felt like there were several tendons being pulled in my head, and it was agonizing to move my head as if it were breaking off. I felt like I could die at any moment from a ruptured blood vessel. I went to the hospital for an examination, and the doctor said it was severe cervical spondylosis causing the headache. After treatment, the symptoms were somewhat relieved, but I still felt very dizzy and sometimes had headaches. I became somewhat negative, thinking, “Despite all my effort and expenditure, why is my condition not only not improving, but getting worse? If things carry on this way, I might die at any moment. Maybe it’d be better to do a single type of work. It’d be less tiring than being a leader, and perhaps my condition would improve.” Although I continued to do my duties, I was living in a state of anxiety and distress, and I had no sense of burden for my duties. When I saw that the gospel work was ineffective, I had no desire to analyze the reasons or solve the problems.

Later, I used some home remedies and took antihypertensive medication, and my blood pressure went down a bit. However, I was still worried about my condition flaring up again, thinking that despite all my effort and expenditure, not only had I not received any blessings but that my health was worsening, so I no longer wanted to do my duty as a leader, thinking that doing a single type of work would be less burdensome and allow me to take better care of my health. During that period, because of my poor state, most of my fellowship in meetings was negative and passive, and I was not focused on my duties, which led to a continual decline in the effectiveness of the gospel work. It wasn’t until the upper-level leaders pruned me for being too perfunctory in my duties, and warned that if I did not repent, I would be dismissed, that I realized I was disrupting and disturbing the work, felt some fear, and finally came before God to pray and reflect on myself. One day, I heard a hymn of God’s words “You Must Seek God’s Will When Sickness Strikes.” It says: “How should you experience sickness when it comes? You should come before God and pray, seek and grope for God’s intention; you should examine yourself to find what it is you have done that went against the truth, and what corruption in you has not been resolved. Your corrupt disposition cannot be resolved without undergoing suffering. Only in being tempered by suffering can people not be dissolute, and able to live before God at all times. When someone suffers, they are always at prayer. They will examine themselves to see whether they have done anything wrong or where they may have gone against the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Believing in God, Gaining the Truth Is Most Crucial). After hearing God’s words, I understood that God was using this illness to make me reflect on myself and recognize my corrupt disposition, that it was for the purpose of saving me, and that it contained God’s earnest intention. I had believed in God for several years, but when faced with illness, I did not know to seek God’s intention in prayer, nor did I reflect on which aspects of my corrupt disposition God wanted to purify and change, or what impurities there were in my belief. Instead, I remained in a state of negativity and resistance due to the illness, and when there were many problems in the gospel work, I didn’t think about resolving them but instead wanted to shirk my duties. My disposition had been so intransigent, and I had been truly lacking in conscience and reason! I then came before God in prayer, saying, “God, I don’t want to continue being so intransigent, please lead me to learn a lesson from this illness.”

Later, I sought solutions to my problems, and I watched an experiential testimony video, which included a passage of God’s words that was very relevant to my state. Almighty God says: “Many who follow God are only concerned with how to gain blessings or stave off disaster. As soon as God’s work and management are mentioned, they fall silent and lose all interest. They think that understanding such tedious issues will not help their lives to grow or provide any benefit. Consequently, although they have heard about God’s management, they approach it in an unserious manner. They do not see it as something precious to be accepted, much less do they accept it by taking it as part of their lives. Such people only have one simple aim in following God, and that aim is to receive blessings. Such people cannot be bothered to pay heed to anything else that does not directly involve this aim. To them, there is no goal more legitimate than believing in God to receive blessings—it is the very value of their faith. If something does not contribute to this aim, they remain completely unmoved by it. This is the case with most people who believe in God today. Their aim and intention seem legitimate, because as they believe in God, they also expend for God, dedicate themselves to God, and perform their duty. They give up their youth, forsake family and career, and even spend years away from home busying themselves. For the sake of their ultimate goal, they change their own interests, their outlook on life, and even the direction they seek; yet they cannot change the aim of their belief in God. They run about for the management of their own ideals; no matter how far the road is, and no matter how many hardships and obstacles there are along the way, they remain persistent and unafraid of death. What power compels them to continue dedicating themselves in this way? Is it their conscience? Is it their great and noble character? Is it their determination to battle the forces of evil to the very end? Is it their faith to bear witness to God without seeking reward? Is it their loyalty in being willing to give up everything to fulfill God’s will? Or is it their spirit of devotion to always forgo extravagant personal demands? For someone who has never understood the work of God’s management to still give so much is, quite simply, a miracle! For the moment, let us not discuss how much these people have given. Their behavior, however, is highly worthy of our dissection. Apart from the benefits that are so closely associated with them, could there be any other reasons why people who never understand God would give so much for Him? In this, we discover a previously unidentified problem: Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is the relationship between an employee and an employer. The employee works hard only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such an interests-based relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only helpless suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). God exposes that though many people do their duties, make sacrifices, expend themselves, and busy themselves with work, outwardly appearing to submit to and satisfy God, in essence, they have their own intentions, and they try to use and barter with God to achieve their goal of gaining blessings. I reflected on how, ever since I accepted God’s work in the last days, my child’s illness had been cured, and my chronic headache had also been healed, and so I became active in my duties, and even when my family tried to stand in my way, I did not back down, believing that so long as I tried hard at my duties, I would receive God’s grace and blessings in the future and ultimately be saved. Even after discovering I had high blood pressure, I didn’t abandon my duties, and was willing to burn the midnight oil, no matter how hard or tiring it might be, believing that if I was loyal in my duties, God might remove my illness. When my condition didn’t improve and kept worsening, I misunderstood and complained, and I ignored the problems in the gospel work, even thinking of abandoning my duties as a leader. I saw that my years of sacrifice and expenditure had not been to fulfill the duty of a created being, but rather to try and use God to barter future blessings and a good destination and outcome. My relationship with God was merely that of an employee with their employer, purely transactional.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “No matter how they are tried, the allegiance of those who have God in their heart remains unchanged; but for those who do not have God in their heart, once the work of God is not advantageous to their flesh, they change their view of God, and even depart from God. Such are those who will not stand fast in the end, who only seek God’s blessings and have no desire to expend themselves for God and dedicate themselves to Him. Such base people will all be expelled when God’s work comes to an end, and they are unworthy of any sympathy. Those without humanity are incapable of truly loving God. When the environment is safe and secure, or there are profits to be made, they are totally obedient toward God, but once that which they desire is compromised or finally refuted, they immediately revolt. Even in the space of just one night, they may go from a smiling, ‘kind-hearted’ person to an ugly-looking and ferocious killer, suddenly treating their benefactor of yesterday as their mortal enemy, without rhyme or reason. If these demons are not cast out, these demons that would kill without blinking an eye, will they not become a hidden danger?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). From God’s words, I saw that a person who has God in their heart knows that everything comes from God, and whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, they are able to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. Just like Job during his trials, when his flocks and herds were taken away, his children died, and he was covered in sores, he did not complain about God or forsake Him, but instead praised God, “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21). Job had genuine faith in God and a God-fearing heart. I compared this with my own behavior. After accepting God’s work, my child’s illness had been healed, and my chronic headache was also cured. I received grace from God and became enthusiastic in my expenditure, but when my illness became more and more severe, and I didn’t receive the blessings I wanted, I immediately turned against God and began to complain about Him, I no longer had a sense of burden for my duties and I didn’t uphold the interests of the church at all. I only considered my personal interests, only wanting to receive blessings and gains from God, and when I did not get them, I became negative and negligent, and opposed God. I realized how selfish and despicable I had been, lacking in humanity and reason. If I continued to be so intransigent, I would ultimately be spurned and eliminated by God.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Since being blessed is not an appropriate objective for people to pursue, what is an appropriate objective? The pursuit of the truth, the pursuit of changes in disposition, and being able to submit to all of God’s orchestrations and arrangements: these are the objectives that people should pursue. Say, for example, being pruned causes you to have notions and misunderstandings, and you become incapable of submission. Why can’t you submit? Because you feel that your destination or your dream of being blessed has been challenged. You become negative and upset, and try to get out of doing your duty. What is the reason for this? There is a problem with your pursuit. So how should this be solved? It is imperative that you immediately abandon these mistaken ideas, and that you immediately seek the truth to solve the problem of your corrupt disposition. You should say to yourself, ‘I must not quit, I must still do well the duty that a created being ought to, and put aside my desire to be blessed.’ When you relinquish the desire to be blessed and you walk the path of pursuing the truth, a weight is lifted off your shoulders. And will you still be capable of negativity? Even though there are still times when you are negative, you don’t let this constrain you, and in your heart, you keep praying and fighting, changing the objective of your pursuit from the pursuit of being blessed and having a destination, to the pursuit of the truth, and you think to yourself, ‘The pursuit of the truth is the duty of a created being. To understand certain truths today—there is no greater harvest, this is the greatest blessing of all. Even if God does not want me, and I do not have a good destination, and my hopes of being blessed are shattered, I shall still do my duty properly, I am obligated to. Whatever the reason, it will not impact my performance of my duty, it will not affect my accomplishment of God’s commission; this is the principle by which I conduct myself.’ And in this, have you not transcended the constraints of the flesh? Some may say, ‘Well, what if I’m still negative?’ Then seek the truth again to resolve it. However many times you fall into negativity, if you just keep on seeking the truth to resolve it, and keep on striving for the truth, you will slowly emerge from your negativity. And one day, you will feel that you do not have the desire to gain blessings and are not constrained by your destination and outcome, and that you are easier and freer living without these things” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only in the Practice of the Truth Is There Life Entry). After reading God’s words, I understood that gaining blessings is not the goal we should pursue in our faith in God, nor is it the path we should walk in our faith in God. The path we should walk in our faith in God is one of pursuing the truth and achieving a transformation in disposition, being able to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements and becoming a true created being. I had been doing my duties to receive God’s grace and blessings, but when my illness worsened and I felt my hopes for blessings were shattered, I became negative and resistant. Although outwardly I did not abandon my duties, my heart had already betrayed God. I was doing my duties perfunctorily, and not addressing problems, resulting in ineffective gospel work and brothers and sisters living in negative states, which harmed the church’s work. I was walking a path contrary to God’s intention. Now I have come to understand that we should not seek blessings in our faith but should pursue the truth and cast off our corrupt dispositions, be able to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements and become a reasonable person. Like Job, who praised God’s righteousness whether he received blessings or suffered misfortune, he had genuine submission to God and was an extremely reasonable person. Moving forward, I became willing to correct my mistaken views on pursuit, submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements and fulfill my duties as a created being. As for my illness, I would continue with normal medication and treatment, pay attention to my diet, and exercise appropriately. When I let go of my desire for blessings, I felt much more at ease and was more motivated in my duties. Later, I worked with the gospel workers to review deviations and problems, followed up on and supervised their work, and made adjustments to unsuitable personnel. After some time, the effectiveness of the gospel work improved compared to before.

Later, I measured my blood pressure a few times, and to my surprise, my blood pressure was normal. I was so happy, but I also felt quite guilty. I reflected on how, when I lived in illness, I had no sense of burden for my duties, which caused losses to the work, but God did not dwell on my transgressions and gave me the opportunity to repent, and I felt so indebted to God. Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “In their belief in God, what people seek is to obtain blessings for the future; this is their goal in their faith. All people have this intent and hope, but the corruption in their nature must be resolved through trials and refinement. In whichever aspects you are not purified and reveal corruption, these are the aspects in which you must be refined—this is God’s arrangement. God creates an environment for you, forcing you to be refined there so that you can know your own corruption. Ultimately, you reach a point at which you would rather die in order to give up your schemes and desires and to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangement. Therefore, if people do not have several years of refinement, if they do not endure a certain amount of suffering, they will not be able to rid themselves of the constraints of corruption of the flesh in their thoughts and in their hearts. In whichever aspects people are still subject to the constraints of their satanic nature, and in whichever aspects they still have their own desires and their own demands, these are the aspects in which they should suffer. Only through suffering can lessons be learned, which means being able to gain truth, and understand God’s intentions. In fact, many truths are understood by experiencing painful trials. Nobody can understand God’s intentions, recognize God’s almightiness and wisdom, or appreciate God’s righteous disposition when in a comfortable and easy environment or when circumstances are favorable. That would be impossible!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From these words of God, I saw that God is so wise in His work. A great illness seems painful from a human perspective, but God uses these pains to refine and cleanse people. Just like with my illness, though on the surface I seem to have suffered some pain, God has used this illness to purify the impurities in my faith in Him, and without the revelation of this illness, I wouldn’t have realized the intention adulterated in my faith to gain blessings, and I would still be trying to deceive and barter with God in my duties, and I would eventually be revealed and eliminated by God. This experience has shown me God’s earnest intention to save people. When I first believed in God, I enjoyed a lot of His grace, and at that time, I didn’t understand much and thought that God was just a God who gave grace. But the truth is, the grace that God gives people is given to bring people before Him to accept His salvation. God’s work in the last days is to express the truth and perform judgment, and at the same time, He arranges various environments to refine and purify people, so that they can submit to and worship Him and attain His salvation. In believing in God, I cannot only enjoy His grace, I must also experience judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinements, and I must pursue change in my corrupt disposition and shoulder my duty. Although I have suffered some pain from this illness, I have experienced that what God has done to me is His love and salvation, and I have also come to recognize the wisdom in God’s work. I thank God from the bottom of my heart!