By Zhou Hui, China

In April 2020, I was elected to be a preacher and made responsible for the work of two churches. Although neither my caliber nor work capabilities were very good, I knew that the duty had been permitted by God, and so I was willing to rely on God and do my best to cooperate. With the gospel work spreading, the church urgently needed to cultivate gospel workers and waterers. I also had to participate in the text-based work and in the work of cleansing the church. I could only focus on one thing at a time, and I felt utterly overwhelmed. I also couldn’t see through some issues, and none of the work was yielding any results. Faced with this situation, I felt immense pressure. I thought about the previous preacher. She had good caliber and work capabilities, and she’d been able to handle a lot of work. Compared to her, my caliber was far worse. With my poor caliber, I couldn’t do any work well and might be dismissed any day. I felt really tormented. Later on, I sought ways to improve the efficiency of my duty. When I found a problem, I quickly noted it down and looked for the related truth principles. But after a while, the results still didn’t improve. I just thought my caliber was poor and that no matter how hard I tried, this would be the best I could do. A while later, the upper leadership came to the church to conduct an opinion survey. When they saw that my caliber was poor and that I couldn’t do actual work, they dismissed me.

After being dismissed, I felt really negative, and I thought to myself, “Why is my caliber so poor? If God had given me a better caliber, I wouldn’t have done my duty so poorly. People with good caliber can handle a whole range of tasks wherever they go. These people accumulate more good deeds and have a greater chance of being saved. My caliber is so poor that I can’t do any work well. If I’m of no use in God’s house and can’t do my duty, I won’t have any good deeds and won’t have any hope of being saved.” Later, the church arranged for me to take charge of gospel work, and I felt a bit hopeful, thinking, “I used to have all kinds of tasks to handle as a preacher, and I didn’t do well due to my poor caliber. Now I should be able to do well in this single-task duty.” Because I wasn’t very familiar with gospel work, I made an effort to learn the relevant principles. After a while, I was able to handle some simple problems, but I couldn’t see through some of the more complex issues. The gospel work still didn’t yield any significant results, and so I became even more negative, thinking, “I can’t even do this one task well. Is this it for me? Is God using this duty to reveal that my caliber is poor and that I’m useless? Is He planning to eliminate me? God’s work is about to end, and if I can’t do any duty well, there’s no hope for me to be saved. Could it be that all these years of faith have been for nothing? Instead of hindering the gospel work here, I might as well resign and do some general affairs. Maybe I can still be a service-doer and survive.” I felt really tormented, and spent my days sighing in despair and feeling unmotivated in my duty. I also felt unwilling to put effort into equipping myself with truths related to preaching the gospel, and I didn’t want to seek the truth to resolve the corruptions I revealed. I felt that, given my poor caliber, pursuing further was futile. After this point, my state continued to worsen. I couldn’t resolve problems, and the results of my work declined even further. By the end of each day, I’d feel exhausted both physically and mentally, and by eight or nine in the evening, I would start to feel drowsy. I became very passive in my duty, and on several occasions, I even forgot about the potential gospel recipients I needed to preach to. This made me even more negative. I told my daughter, “My caliber is so poor that I can’t do any duty well. You should keep on diligently pursuing, and I’ll just take on the role of hosting you and render some service.” My daughter then fellowshipped with me, “Mom, God never said that having poor caliber means a person cannot be saved. God loathes people’s corrupt disposition. As long as a person pursues the truth, focuses on changing their disposition, and does their duty to the best of their abilities, they can still be saved, even with poor caliber. I’ve noticed that these days, you haven’t been seeking God’s intentions when things happen to you and that you’ve been complaining about your poor caliber constantly. This state of yours is quite dangerous, and if it’s not resolved, in the end, you can’t be saved, and it will be because you didn’t pursue the truth, not because of your poor caliber.” My daughter’s words startled me. “That is right. During this time, with no results in my duty, I’ve been delimiting myself, thinking that because my caliber is poor, no matter how hard I pursue, it will be useless. I’ve also been unwilling to think through the difficulties in my duty, nor have I been willing to put effort into studying. I’ve been trapped in a negative state and unable to get out. If I keep being negative and delimiting myself, not doing my duty properly or seeking the truth, then it’ll really be me eliminating myself. I need to seek God’s intentions and resolve my issues right away.” Later, I came before God to pray, “Oh God, I feel that with my poor caliber, I’ve been revealed as a useless person beyond salvation. I feel really negative and weak in this state. God, please guide me out of this wrong state.”

Later on, I sought God’s words related to my state. One day, I read these words of God: “All people have some incorrect states within them, like negativity, weakness, despondency, and fragility; or they have base intents; or they are constantly troubled by their pride, selfish desires, and self-interest; or they think that they are of poor caliber, and they experience some negative states. It will be very hard for you to obtain the work of the Holy Spirit if you always live in these states. If it is hard for you to obtain the work of the Holy Spirit, then the active elements within you will be few, and the negative elements will come out and disturb you. People always rely on their own will to repress those negative and adverse states, but no matter how they repress them, they cannot shake them off. The main reason for this is that people cannot thoroughly discern these negative and adverse things; they cannot see their essence clearly. This makes it very hard for them to rebel against the flesh and Satan. Also, people always get stuck in these negative, melancholic, and degenerate states, and they do not pray or look up to God, instead they just muddle through them. As a result, the Holy Spirit does not work in them, and they are consequently unable to understand the truth, they lack a path in everything they do, and they cannot see any matter clearly. There are too many negative and adverse things within you, and they have filled your heart, so you are often negative, melancholic in spirit, and you stray farther and farther from God, and become weaker and weaker” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). What God exposed was my true state. In reality, God knows exactly what my caliber is like. After I was dismissed as a preacher, the church assigned me to handle gospel work, as they saw my inability to manage jobs that involved multiple tasks. But I was constantly constrained by my poor caliber, and when I saw no results in the gospel work, instead of summarizing the problems and seeking principles to figure out how to do my duty well, I thought God was revealing me as a useless person with no hope of being saved. I became so negative that I gave up entirely, failing even to do the duty I could. Not only was my life entry harmed, but my duty was also delayed. If I continued being this negative, I would only continue to drift further away from God, and in the end, I really wouldn’t be able to do any duty at all. That wouldn’t be God revealing me, but rather me eliminating myself.

I then thought of God’s words: “Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your illiteracy; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of providing hospitality, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this capability; if you say you cannot offer hospitality, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be spreading the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform. Being loyal, submitting to the very end, and seeking to have supreme love for God—this is what you must accomplish, and there are no better practices than these three things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). God’s words touched me deeply. I saw that God’s requirements for people aren’t high, and no matter what their caliber is, everyone who comes before God enjoys the provision of God’s words and has the opportunity to be saved. God saves people to the greatest extent. The caliber of a person is predetermined by God, and God knows exactly what duties a person can handle. God does not disdain a person for being ignorant or for having poor caliber. His requirements are not one-size-fits-all. Instead, He arranges suitable duties for each person according to their caliber and sets requirements for them based on their caliber. As long as a person does their duty with wholehearted dedication and effort, then even if they don’t meet the standards required by God, God will not condemn them, nor will He make the decision to abandon or eliminate them lightly. But when things happened to me, I didn’t seek God’s intentions. When I was dismissed as a preacher due to my poor caliber and saw no results in the gospel work I was supervising, I wallowed in negativity, thinking that my poor caliber made me a useless person. I gave up on myself and even thought about resigning. But in reality, God has never said that a poor caliber means a person can’t be saved, nor has He ever set excessively high demands beyond a person’s caliber. When my caliber was insufficient for duties that involved multiple tasks, the church assigned me to handle only gospel work according to my caliber, which provided me with an opportunity to train. If my duty yielded no results, I should have investigated the reasons why, put in more effort to make up for my shortcomings, and done my utmost to cooperate. Even if I were eventually dismissed due to incompetence, at least I would have no regrets. After realizing these things, I felt less constrained by my poor caliber in my duty. I began to equip myself with truths related to preaching the gospel and watch gospel films and videos. Whenever I didn’t understand something, I would communicate and discuss it with my brothers and sisters. After training for a while, I began to see problems more clearly than before, I was able to provide actual guidance and help to my brothers and sisters in difficulty, and when there were deviations in the work, I would summarize them with my brothers and sisters. Gradually, the gospel work began to show some improvement.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words which gave me some more understanding of my problems. Almighty God says: “There’s a saying among nonbelievers: ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch.’ Antichrists also harbor this logic, thinking, ‘If I work for you, what will you give me in return? What benefits can I obtain?’ How should this nature be summed up? It’s being driven by profits, putting profit before all else, and being selfish and despicable. This is the nature essence of antichrists. They believe in God solely for the purpose of obtaining profit and blessings. Even if they endure some suffering or pay some prices, it’s all in order to make a deal with God. Their intention and desire to obtain blessings and rewards is immense, and they cling to it tightly. They don’t accept any of the many truths that God has expressed, in their hearts they always think that believing in God is all about obtaining blessings and securing a good destination, that this is the highest principle, and that nothing can surpass it. They think that people should not believe in God unless for the sake of gaining blessings, and that if it wasn’t for the sake of blessings, belief in God would have no meaning or value, that it would lose its meaning and value. Were these ideas instilled in antichrists by someone else? Do they derive from someone else’s education or influence? No, they are determined by the inherent nature essence of antichrists, which is something no one can change” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). From God’s words, I realized that my negativity and pain had been due to my excessive desire for blessings. I had been controlled by Satan’s toxins, such as “Never lift a finger without a reward,” and “Profit comes first.” Everything I did was driven by the pursuit of gain and was aimed at obtaining blessings. When I first found God, I would get up early and work late every day, willingly enduring suffering and expending myself, because I believed that greater diligence in my duty would lead to a beautiful destination. But when I was dismissed due to my poor caliber, I lost my motivation. I felt that issues of caliber weren’t like corrupt dispositions that could be changed. I thought I was fixed in this state, not worth cultivating, just a useless person and destined to be eliminated. Especially when there were no results in the gospel work, I misunderstood God as revealing and eliminating me. I lived in a negative state and stopped striving to do the duties I could, and I even considered giving up my duty. I was truly without humanity! I saw that all these years I had been doing my duty just to gain blessings, and it was as if I were working for a boss out in the world, where if I was paid, I would work hard, and if not, I would quit. I wasn’t pursuing the truth in my duty but was trying to use it to bargain for a good destination. I was trying to exploit and deceive God in this. My nature was utterly despicable and wicked, and this had truly made God detest me! Despite my poor caliber and deep corruption, God still gave me the opportunity to train, but I didn’t cherish it or seek to do my duty well to satisfy God. Instead, I tried to bargain with Him. I was truly indebted to God! I was grateful that God had arranged this situation to reveal my intentions and views regarding my pursuit of blessings through my faith in God. This allowed me to recognize and correct my deviations in good time, otherwise, I would have continued pursuing blessings instead of pursuing the truth, and ultimately, I would really go beyond salvation.

There was also a passage of God’s words that moved me deeply. Almighty God says: “‘Though my caliber is low, I have an honest heart.’ These words sound very real, and speak of a requirement God makes of people. What requirement? That if people are lacking in caliber, it is not the end of the world, but they must possess an honest heart, and if they do, they will be able to receive God’s approval. No matter your situation or background, you must be an honest person, speak honestly, act honestly, be able to perform your duty with all your heart and mind, be loyal to your duty, not look to cut corners, not be a slippery or deceitful person, not lie or deceive, and not talk in circles. You must act according to the truth and be someone who pursues the truth. Many people think they are of poor caliber, and that they never fulfill their duty well or up to standard. They give their very best in what they do, but they can never grasp the principles, and still cannot produce very good results. Ultimately, all they can do is complain that they are too poor in caliber, and they become negative. So, is there no way forward when a person is of poor caliber? Being of poor caliber is not a fatal disease, and God never said He does not save people who are of poor caliber. As God said before, He is grieved by those who are honest but ignorant. What does it mean to be ignorant? Ignorance in many cases comes from being of poor caliber. When people are of poor caliber they have a shallow understanding of the truth. It is not specific or practical enough, and is often limited to a surface-level or literal understanding—it is limited to doctrine and regulations. That is why they cannot make sense of many problems, and can never grasp the principles while performing their duty, or do their duty well. Does God not want people of poor caliber then? (He does.) What path and direction does God point people toward? (That of being an honest person.) Can you be an honest person just by saying so? (No, you must have the manifestations of an honest person.) What are the manifestations of an honest person? Firstly, having no doubts about God’s words. That is one of the manifestations of an honest person. Apart from this, the most important manifestation is seeking and practicing the truth in all matters—this is most crucial. You say that you are honest, but you always push God’s words to the back of your mind and just do whatever you want. Is that the manifestation of an honest person? You say, ‘Although my caliber is poor, I have an honest heart.’ And yet when a duty falls to you, you are afraid of suffering and bearing responsibility if you do not do it well, so you make excuses to shirk your duty or suggest that someone else do it. Is this the manifestation of an honest person? Clearly, it is not. How, then, should an honest person behave? They should submit to God’s arrangements, be loyal to the duty they are supposed to perform, and strive to satisfy God’s intentions. This manifests itself in several ways: One is accepting your duty with an honest heart, not considering your fleshly interests, not being half-hearted about it, and not plotting for your own benefit. Those are manifestations of honesty. Another is putting all your heart and strength into performing your duty well, doing things properly, and putting your heart and love into your duty to satisfy God. These are the manifestations an honest person should have while performing their duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I understood that although people with poor caliber may have shallower understanding of problems, if they have an honest heart, genuinely seek the truth, and do their duty with all their heart and strength, their life can gradually improve, and in the end, they can be saved. My caliber was indeed poor. I tended to only see the surface of problems and was unable to apply principles flexibly. But God says that poor caliber isn’t a fatal disease, and so long as I can practice being an honest person according to God’s requirements, pray to God and rely on Him more on the issues I can’t see through, put effort into equipping myself with the relevant truths, and proactively seek fellowship with those who understand the truth when facing difficulties, I can make up for my shortcomings and attain some results in my duty. I also thought about the preacher I admired. She had been able to fellowship the truth to solve problems and gain results in her duty, but this was because she had diligently cooperated in her duty and received the work of the Holy Spirit. But later she lived in a corrupt disposition, vying for fame and gain, and not attending to her proper work, and her duty came to yield no results. Even when brothers and sisters provided fellowship and help, she didn’t repent, and in the end, she was dismissed and eliminated. This showed that even if one has good caliber, if they don’t pursue the truth, they won’t receive the work of the Holy Spirit and can’t achieve good results in their duty. Although my caliber was poor, it wasn’t so poor that I couldn’t comprehend the truth or understand anything. For example, in my gospel duty, if I didn’t focus on my future prospects but conscientiously did my duty, and put in effort to learn and understand what I didn’t know, I could still achieve some results in my duty. I saw that my previous belief that “Poor caliber means a person can’t do their duty well and can’t be saved, and only those with good caliber can be saved” was completely absurd and fallacious and didn’t accord with the truth at all!

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “God has expressed so many words, and before He did, He did a great deal of preparatory work. If in the end, you do not pursue or enter these words now that He has expressed them, how will God view you? What sort of designation will God assign you? This is plain as day. So, every person, no matter your caliber, or age, or the number of years you have believed in God, should put your efforts toward the path of pursuing the truth. You shouldn’t emphasize any objective rationales; you should pursue the truth unconditionally. Don’t idle your days away. If you seek and put your efforts toward the pursuit of the truth as the great matter of your life, it may be that the truth you gain and can reach in your pursuit is not what you’d have wished for. But if God says He will give you a proper destination depending on your attitude in your pursuit and your sincerity, then how wonderful that will be! For now, don’t focus on what your destination or outcome will be, or what will happen and what the future holds, or whether you will be able to avoid disaster and not die—don’t think of these things or ask for them. Concentrate only on pursuing the truth in God’s words and His requirements, on performing your duty well, and on satisfying God’s intentions, so that you will not prove unworthy of God’s six thousand years of waiting, His six thousand years of anticipation. Give God some comfort; let Him see some hope for you, and let His wishes be realized in you. Tell Me, would God mistreat you if you did so? Of course not! And even if the end results aren’t as one would have wished, how should they treat that fact, as a created being? They should submit in all things to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, without any personal agenda. Is this not the perspective created beings should take? (It is.) That’s the right mindset” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. Why Man Must Pursue the Truth). From God’s words, I saw that God is righteous, and that He determines a person’s outcome based on whether they have the truth. Although my caliber was poor, I shouldn’t have been negatively delimiting myself. I had to keep striving, pursue the truth, and seek changes in my disposition. I had to fulfill my responsibilities in my duty and make every effort to do my best, and regardless of whether I would have a favorable outcome and destination in the end, I had to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. This was the reason that I, as a created being, had to have. Reflecting on my experiences, whether as a preacher or in doing gospel duty, my lack of results wasn’t entirely due to my poor caliber, but because I was constantly delimiting myself, believing that poor caliber was a fatal disease, and because I didn’t strive to improve or put effort into equipping myself with the truth. When I couldn’t see through problems, I didn’t seek the truth or fellowship with others, so as a result, I made no progress. In the future, regardless of the problems I would encounter at work, I couldn’t be constrained by my poor caliber any longer, I had to face them correctly and seek the truth for solutions. Regarding the truths I didn’t understand or the issues I couldn’t see through, I should actually pay more price to equip myself and learn. As long as I sincerely cooperated with God, I would definitely make progress. When I thought about it this way, I felt more at ease and steadfast in my duty. In the past, I’d often speak about my poor caliber, and those words, “poor caliber,” were like a curse binding me tightly, causing me to wallow in bitterness and exhaustion and make no progress in life. Now, I felt a sense of liberation in my heart. Moving forward, in doing my duty, I focused on practicing according to God’s words, and for my shortcomings and deficiencies, I would equip myself with the relevant truth principles. For things I didn’t understand, I would pray to God and learn from experienced sisters. This way, I came to feel God’s guidance in my duty, grasp principles better, and I gained a clearer understanding of issues that had previously been opaque, and the gospel work also yielded some results. Although I still have many deficiencies, I am willing to rely on God to do my duty well. Thank God!