By Gu Nian, China

In the past, I worked on a single item of work in the church, and the workload was not heavy and it was relatively easy, so I felt that doing duty this way was quite good. Later, I was elected as a gospel supervisor. I saw that the sister I worked with had many tasks to follow up on every day. She had to give timely fellowship to resolve the problems or the states and difficulties of the brothers and sisters when they were discovered, cultivate gospel workers, give regular summaries of the work, and so on. Her daily schedule was completely full. Just watching her made me feel mentally exhausted. “Is this going to be the state of my duty in the future? With so many detailed tasks, won’t my mind have to keep running every day? Moreover, when problems arise, I need to seek the truth to resolve them promptly. But my life entry is shallow, and I lack the truth regarding preaching the gospel. To take on this duty, I don’t know how much suffering my flesh will have to endure!” I felt a lot of pressure, and had little enthusiasm to actively cooperate with the upcoming work.

One night after finishing work, I felt empty inside and inexplicably irritable. Thinking about the difficulties and problems I would face in the upcoming work, I felt quite repressed and heavy-hearted. I realized my state was not right, so I prayed to God, “Oh God, my heart cannot settle down, I feel repression and irritation, and my state is not normal. Oh God, I pray that You lead me to come out of this state. Amen!” After praying, I opened the book of God’s words and read these words of God: “If people constantly seek physical comfort and happiness, if they constantly pursue physical happiness and comfort, and don’t wish to suffer, then even a little bit of physical suffering, suffering a bit more than others, or feeling a bit more overworked than usual, would make them feel repressed. This is one of the causes of repression. If people do not consider a small amount of physical suffering a big deal, and they do not pursue physical comfort, but instead pursue the truth and seek to fulfill their duties in order to satisfy God, then they often will not feel physical suffering. Even if they occasionally feel a bit busy, tired, or worn out, after they go to sleep they will wake up feeling better, and then they will continue with their work. Their focus will be on their duties and their work; they won’t consider a bit of physical fatigue a significant issue. However, when a problem arises in people’s thinking and they constantly pursue physical comfort, any time that their physical bodies are slightly wronged or cannot find satisfaction, certain negative emotions will arise within them. So, why will this kind of person, who always wants to do as they please and to indulge their flesh and enjoy life, often find themselves trapped in this negative emotion of repression whenever they are unsatisfied? (It is because they pursue comfort and physical enjoyment.) That is true for some people” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). “In society, who are the people who do not attend to their proper work? They are idlers, fools, slackers, hooligans, ruffians, and loafers—people like that. They do not wish to learn any new skills or abilities, and they do not want to pursue serious careers or to find a job so that they can get by. They are the idlers and loafers of society. They infiltrate the church, and then they want to get something for nothing, and to obtain their share of blessings. They are opportunists. These opportunists are never willing to do their duties. If things do not go their way, even slightly, they feel repressed. They always wish to live freely, they do not want to perform any kind of work, and yet they still want to eat good food and wear nice clothing, and eat whatever they wish and sleep whenever they want. They think that when a day like this comes, it will surely be wonderful. They do not want to endure even a little bit of hardship and they wish for a life of indulgence. These people even find living exhausting; they are bound by negative emotions. They often feel tired and confused because they cannot do as they please. They do not want to attend to their proper work or to handle their proper affairs. They do not want to stick to a job and do it constantly from start to finish, treating it as their own profession and duty, as their obligation and responsibility; they do not want to finish it and achieve results, or do it to the best standard possible. They have never thought in that way. They just want to act in a perfunctory manner and to use their duty as a means to make a living. When they face a little pressure or some form of control, or when they are held to a slightly higher standard, or made to shoulder a bit of responsibility, they feel uncomfortable and repressed. These negative emotions arise within them, living feels exhausting to them, and they are miserable” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). Pondering God’s words made me feel deeply upset and distressed. I saw that in God’s eyes, those who always seek comfort in their duty and fall into a state of repression when they suffer a little are people who do not attend to their proper work and opportunists who have infiltrated God’s house. Reflecting on my state and what I had revealed during this period, I realized that I was exactly the kind of person God exposed. I hadn’t officially taken on a task yet; I just saw the sister whom I worked with had many tasks to handle. She needed to put in effort, think hard, and rack her brains every day, and she also had to solve brothers and sisters’ states and problems through fellowship on the truth. I felt troubled because it all seemed so busy and exhausting. When I thought about how I would have to take responsibility for these detailed tasks myself, I felt repressed and heavy-hearted, and didn’t want to shoulder this burden. Yet I knew that spreading the gospel of God’s kingdom is God’s urgent intention, and those with conscience and reason who pursue the truth all consider God’s intention, actually endure suffering and pay a price, and contribute their part to it. Now that I had accepted this duty, I had to consider how to take on this work as quickly as possible, such as cultivating people, resolving their states and difficulties, correcting problems and deviations in the work, and so on. These were tasks I hadn’t encountered before, so I had to come to understand and familiarize myself with them little by little. But I didn’t have those positive practices, and I worried all day that my flesh would suffer more, making me fall into a state of repression. I really wasn’t attending to my proper work! These thoughts made me feel very guilty, so I came before God to pray, asking God to give me the sense of burden and the determination to endure suffering so that I could take on this work.

At first, I was quite active, familiarizing myself with various principles and equipping myself with the truth of preaching the gospel to resolve problems. Although it was challenging, by praying and relying on God, I was able to make some gains, and each day felt quite fulfilling. But after a while, I found that the detailed tasks were more than I had anticipated. When it came time to summarize the work, I saw there were so many problems that needed to be resolved, and I was overwhelmed. For example, the gospel workers didn’t grasp the principles of their duties, they didn’t know how to answer questions raised by the potential gospel recipients, some people had poor states, and so on. Resolving all these issues through fellowship one by one would require so much mental effort. Moreover, I had almost no experience, and finding the relevant principles to resolve these issues and figuring out how to answer the questions of the potential gospel recipients effectively took so much mental effort! I felt immense pressure, and as I stared blankly at the computer, I couldn’t help but think, “Every problem that comes up in the future will require thorough consideration and a cost to resolve. This duty is too difficult for me. I just want to be a minor follower. Couldn’t I just focus on preaching the gospel and take on a simpler duty?” During that time, every morning when I opened my eyes, I felt overwhelmed with much work to handle, and even in my dreams, I was fellowshipping to resolve problems. Gradually, I felt more and more exhausted in my duty, my heart was particularly weary, and the repressive negative emotions became more severe. Every day, I hoped for fewer tasks and fewer problems so that I wouldn’t be so tired. I spent several whole days in a row in a daze, just forcing myself to do my duty. My heart had little sense of burden, and I kept postponing the problems that needed resolving. When checking the work, I couldn’t identify any issues; my brain felt like a block of wood, and my work efficiency was extremely low. Even prayer and eating and drinking God’s words brought no enlightenment or light, and my spirit felt really dark. The brothers and sisters also noticed something was wrong with my state and asked me, “What’s going on with your state these days? You’re constantly drowsy and not very active during fellowship in gatherings.” Hearing them say this, I felt even more distressed, and I wondered how I had ended up like this. Had I lost the work of the Holy Spirit? Had God set me aside and ignored me? Later, through seeking, I finally began to gain some understanding of my state.

I read these words of God: “Having negative emotions proves that there is a problem, and when there is a problem, you should resolve it. There is always a way and a path to resolve problems that ought to be resolved—they are not unresolvable. It just depends on whether you can face up to the problem and whether you want to resolve it or not. If you do, then there is no problem so difficult that it cannot be resolved. You come before God and seek the truth in His words, and you can resolve every difficulty. However, not only can your dejection, depression, despondency and repression not help you to resolve your problems but, on the contrary, they can cause your problems to become ever more serious and to get worse and worse. Do you believe this? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (1)). “Finally, there is something I would like to tell you: Do not let a minor feeling or a simple, insignificant emotion tangle you up for the rest of your life so that it affects your attainment of salvation and destroys your hope for salvation, understand? (Yes.) This emotion of yours is not only negative, to be more accurate, it is actually in opposition to God and the truth. You might think that this is an emotion within normal humanity, but in God’s eyes, this is not just a simple matter of emotion, but a method of opposition to God. It is a method marked by negative emotions that people use to resist God, God’s words and the truth. Therefore, I hope that, assuming you want to pursue the truth, you will examine yourself thoroughly to see whether you are holding onto these negative emotions and stubbornly, foolishly resisting God and competing with Him. If you have discovered the answer through examination, if you have come to a realization and arrived at a clear awareness, then I ask you to first let go of these emotions. Do not cherish them or hold onto them, for they will destroy you, they will destroy your destination, and they will destroy the opportunity and hope you have in pursuing the truth and attaining salvation” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (1)). God spoke very clearly. Negative emotions may seem like a minor issue, but they greatly affect a person’s pursuit of the truth and their fulfillment of duty. I used to think that everyone experiences negative emotions, that these are merely the revelations of thoughts and ideas in certain environments, and that this wasn’t a big problem. So when I saw that God exposed negative emotions could lead a person to resist the truth and God, and could ruin their opportunity for salvation, I didn’t have much genuine experience or understanding in my heart. Reflecting on what I had revealed during this period, I began to feel moved. When I saw the large amount of work and how numerous the projects were, I thought that fulfilling this duty would bring suffering and exhaustion upon my flesh, and I felt repressed and heavy-hearted, unable to feel liberated. When I actually followed up on this duty, I found there were many specific tasks to handle, and many problems that needed to be resolved through fellowship about the truth. But I lacked experience in this work, and I thought that in order to handle each task well, my flesh would have to suffer. This made me feel very distressed, with negative emotions constantly surfacing. Every day I was just forcing myself to do my duty, and I had no real sense of burden in my heart. I cared for the flesh, wallowed in repressive emotions, and was weak and passive in my duty. This essentially amounted to me venting my dissatisfaction and being disobedient to the environment arranged by God. This was resisting the truth and God, and standing in opposition to God. God scrutinizes the depths of people’s hearts and my attitude toward my duty had made God loathe me. I had lost the work of the Holy Spirit in my duty. This was God’s righteous disposition befalling me. This realization terrified me, and I knew I had to resolve my negative emotions as soon as possible.

Later, I read these words of God: “What is your purpose, really, if you do not accept the truth—much less practice the truth—and simply muddle along in the house of God? Do you wish to make God’s house your retirement home, or an almshouse? If so, you are mistaken—God’s house does not take care of freeloaders, of wastrels. Anyone of poor humanity, who does not perform their duty gladly, who is unfit to perform a duty, must all be cleared out; all disbelievers who do not accept the truth at all must be eliminated. Some people understand the truth but cannot put it into practice in performing their duties. When they see a problem, they do not solve it, and even though they know it is their responsibility, they do not give it their all. If you do not even carry out responsibilities that you are capable of, then what value or effect could performing your duty possibly have? Is it meaningful to believe in God in this way? Someone who understands the truth but cannot practice it, who cannot bear the hardships they ought to—such a person is unfit to perform a duty. Some people who perform a duty really do so just to be fed. They are beggars. They think that if they do a few tasks in God’s house, their room and board will be taken care of, that they will be provided for without needing to get a job. Is there such a thing as a bargain like that? God’s house does not provide for loafers. If anyone who does not practice the truth in the least, and who is consistently perfunctory in performing their duty, says they believe in God, will God acknowledge them? All such people are disbelievers and, as God sees them, evildoers” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Perform One’s Duty Well, One Must at Least Be Possessed of a Conscience and Reason). “Today, you do not believe the words I say, and you pay no attention to them; when the day comes for this work to spread and you see the entirety of it, you will regret, and at that time you will be dumbfounded. There are blessings, yet you do not know to enjoy them, and there is the truth, yet you do not pursue it. Do you not bring contempt upon yourself? Today, although the next step of God’s work has yet to begin, there is nothing additional about the demands that are made of you and what you are asked to live out. There is so much work, and so many truths; are they not worthy of being known by you? Is God’s chastisement and judgment incapable of awakening your spirit? Is God’s chastisement and judgment incapable of making you hate yourself? Are you content to live under the influence of Satan, with peace and joy, and a little fleshly comfort? Are you not the lowliest of all people? None are more foolish than those who have beheld salvation but do not pursue to gain it; these are people who gorge themselves on the flesh and enjoy Satan. You hope that your faith in God will not entail any challenges or tribulations, or the slightest hardship. You always pursue those things that are worthless, and you attach no value to life, instead putting your own extravagant thoughts before the truth. You are so worthless!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). While mulling over God’s words, I felt deeply judged. God loathes those who constantly seek fleshly comfort and enjoyment. Such people do not endure suffering or pay a price in their duty, and it is impossible for them to fulfill their responsibility or genuinely expend themselves for God. I had always pursued a life of fleshly comfort, I lived according to the satanic poisons of “Life is short, so enjoy it while you can,” “Drink today’s wine today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow,” and “Treat yourself well, for life is short.” I believed that life in this world was full of troubles and sorrows, and that one shouldn’t make things harder on oneself, but should learn to enjoy life and treat themselves well. After believing in God, I knew that pursuing truth and doing one’s duty is the right path in life, and that to gain the truth, one must endure suffering and pay a price. But when I was chosen as a supervisor and needed to take on more responsibilities, the thought of having to suffer more to do the work well, and not being able to live a comfortable and easy life, made me feel repressed and heavy-hearted. Seeing the increased workload, I became dissatisfied, resistant, and full of complaints, and I even delayed solving problems within my capability. I saw that I was exactly the kind of person God exposed: someone unwilling to do their duties, a freeloader, and a useless person who loves ease and hates work. I thought about how many gospel-preaching brothers and sisters endured the abuse and humiliation from religious people, as well as the persecution and arrest by the great red dragon, and even faced the risk of losing their lives. Some of them devoted effort to equipping themselves with the truth to resolve the issues of potential gospel recipients, repeatedly fellowshipping to address the notions of religious people. No matter how difficult it was, they did not retreat or give up, willing to consider God’s intentions and preach the gospel to more people. This is what people who truly have humanity should do. Then looking at myself, my attitude toward my duty was particularly irreverent and slack, as if being made a supervisor was intentionally trying to make things difficult for me, and I just wanted to be free from suffering or toil and freeload in God’s house and muddle along the days. A person like me with such humanity did not deserve to do a duty. I was truly selfish and despicable! In fact, God gave each person a burden according to their actual stature, using their duty to make up for their shortcomings and help them gain the truth. Thinking back to when I first began this duty, I faced difficulties and problems in the work, and by praying and relying on God to seek the truth principles, I made some gains. Later, when gospel workers had issues with their states or work, through fellowshipping with them to resolve these problems, I also made some progress, which was something that could not be gained in a comfortable environment. But under the influence of Satan’s poisons, I pursued worthless and base things, always thinking of avoiding my duty to protect my fleshly interests, living in negative emotions and resisting God. I was truly rebellious and unable to distinguish right from wrong! If I continued to live for the flesh, I would certainly ruin my chance to gain the truth through doing my duty. Realizing this, I felt deep guilt and self-reproach, and I prayed to God with tears, “God, I was wrong. My attitude toward my duty has made You feel disgusted and disappointed. I have failed Your intention. God, I no longer want to be rebellious against You, and I am willing to rebel against my flesh and take on this responsibility.”

Later, I read these words of God: “Those who truly believe in God are all individuals who attend to their proper work, they are all willing to perform their duties, capable of shouldering a piece of work and doing it well according to their caliber and the regulations of God’s house. Of course, it may be challenging to adapt to this life at first. You may feel physically and mentally exhausted. However, if you truly have the resolve to cooperate and the willingness to become a normal and good person, and to achieve salvation, then you must pay a bit of a price and allow God to discipline you. When you have the urge to be willful, you must rebel against it and let go of it, gradually reducing your willfulness and selfish desires. You must seek God’s help in crucial matters, at crucial times, and in crucial tasks. If you do have resolve, then you should ask God to chasten and discipline you, and to enlighten you so that you may understand the truth, that way you will get better results. If you genuinely have resolve, and you pray to God in His presence and supplicate to Him, God will act. He will change your state and your thoughts. If the Holy Spirit does a little work, moving you a little, and enlightening you a little, your heart will change, and your state will be transformed. … If you can undergo such a transformation, God’s house will welcome you to stay, to fulfill your duty, to accomplish your mission, and to thoroughly finish the work you have at hand. Of course, people who have these negative emotions can only be helped with a loving heart. If a person consistently refuses to accept the truth and remains unrepentant despite repeated admonitions, we should bid farewell to them. But if someone is really willing to change, to turn themselves around, to reverse their course, we warmly welcome them to stay. As long as they are genuinely willing to stay and to change their previous approaches and ways of living, and they are able to gradually undergo a transformation while performing their duty, and they become better at their duty the longer they perform it, then we welcome such people to stay and hope that they will continue to improve. We also express a great wish for them: We wish that they may emerge from their negative emotions, that they may no longer be entangled by them or enveloped by their shadow, and that they may instead attend to their proper work and walk the right path, acting and living out what normal people ought to according to God’s requirements, and steadily fulfilling their duties in God’s house according to His requirements, no longer drifting through life. We wish them promising futures, and that they will no longer do whatever they please, or solely concern themselves with pleasure-seeking and physical enjoyment, but instead think more about matters related to performing their duties, to the path they walk in life, and to living out normal humanity. We wholeheartedly wish that they may live happily, freely, and liberated in the house of God, experiencing daily peace and joy, and feeling warmth and enjoyment in their lives here. Is this not the greatest wish? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). Seeing God’s efforts to retain and His wish for those who were trapped in a state of repression, I felt warm and deeply touched and encouraged. God hopes that I can comport myself according to His requirements, live out normal humanity, attend to my proper work, and fulfill my duty according to truth principles. I also realized that to be a person with humanity and walk the right path in life, one must have the resolve to pursue positive things, consciously rebel against the flesh when facing difficulties and problems in doing their duty, and actually pay a price to resolve issues, thereby bearing the responsibilities of an adult. Additionally, before doing their duty each day, one should pray to God with a sincere heart and accept His scrutiny. When I find myself wanting to show consideration to the flesh and neglect my duty, I should ask God to rebuke and discipline me and strive to do my duty with all my heart and strength. Only by living this way will I possess human likeness. After understanding these things, I wanted to practice according to God’s words and enter into them. From then on, for every task I was involved in, I entrusted it to and relied on God. And I actually paid the price by researching materials, praying, and seeking, pondering how to fellowship to achieve good results. When encountering things I didn’t understand or couldn’t handle, I communicated with my brothers and sisters. The problems that arose in my duty were gradually being resolved. Although the workload in my duty was the same as before, I no longer felt repressed, but rather found it worthwhile to invest effort and pay a price to do my duty well. I also experienced a sense of joy and fulfillment in my heart, and accumulated some real skills in my work. I feel that living according to God’s words is truly great, and that I am living a valuable and dignified life!