By Li Jia, China

Li Xin was my partner in supervising the textual work, but later on, she was replaced because she was unable to do practical work. She couldn’t accept the fact she’d been replaced and kept vying for status and competing with me. I could tell that Li Xin had a bad attitude toward me—she ignored me when I spoke with her and wasn’t proactive about discussing the work, which led to delays in the progress of some projects. She also scoffed at the deficiencies in my work, would brag about how she used to work to me, and point out my corruption with disparaging remarks. I felt a bit constrained and continually believed that I was too concerned with face. I thought I was a less competent worker than her and was not suited to serve as a group leader. I became a bit negative, and even considered resigning and letting Li Xin take over. Later, it was only with the fellowship and help of my leader that my state improved a bit, but I still felt constrained when working with Li Xin. Later on, when my leader learned that Li Xin could be willful, often vied for status and would attack and exclude others, she dissected and exposed her issues. At first, I was able to treat Li Xin in the correct manner, and also lovingly helped her and guided her to reflect on her issues, but later on, when I saw what she wrote in her reflection, I totally lost my cool. She wrote that she not only attacked and excluded me to my face, she also spoke critically of me with other members and the leader behind my back. I was so anguished and upset, and wondered how she could treat me that way. Wasn’t she destroying my reputation behind my back? I found it unacceptable that she would treat me that way after I had lovingly fellowshiped and helped her when she was negative and weak. I thought I was so foolish to be tolerant and patient with her and only reflect on myself and I began to feel a bit hateful toward Li Xin. Why was I always forgiving others? Didn’t that make me look like a useless pushover? This time I couldn’t forgive her so easily, I had to show her that I could be tough and was not to be trifled with.

I felt especially depressed those two days, and became mired in feelings of rage and hate. Sometimes, when Li Xin tried to talk to me about work, I would want to converse with her normally like before, but then all the memories of what had happened would flood my mind, and I would be gripped by an ardent conviction: “I can’t compromise with her so easily, I’ve got to be tough. ‘The nice person gets bullied, just as the gentle horse gets ridden.’ I can’t come off as too kind and nice to her. She’s treated me so poorly, so why can’t I make her feel a little pain?” After that, when Li Xin spoke to me, I would respond normally, but I would adopt a cold expression and be a bit curt, and I would also avoid eye contact. During that time, I felt terribly restless, and just wanted to be by myself in peace and quiet. I tried not to think about it, but I just couldn’t get those thoughts out of my mind. Later on, I suppressed those negative emotions and was able to converse with Li Xin normally about work, but I always felt like venting my frustration, rage and hate on her. I was quite pained and upset and didn’t know how to rectify my state. All I could do was bring my innermost thoughts to God, praying to Him, time and again: “O God, after what Li Xin did to me, I feel so angry. I feel some hate toward her and even desire to seek revenge. O God, I don’t want to live by my corrupt disposition, and I want to interact normally with Li Xin, but I just can’t do it, my stature is too small. Please help me and guide me.”

Later on, I saw this passage of God’s words: “If someone has hurt you before, and you treat them the same way, is this in line with the truth principles? If, because they hurt you—hurt you very badly—you try by fair means or foul to retaliate against and punish them, according to the unbelievers, this is fair and reasonable, and there is nothing to criticize; but what kind of a course of action is this? This is hotheadedness. They hurt you, which course of action is the outpouring of a corrupt satanic nature, but if you retaliate against them, is your course of action not the same as theirs? The mentality, starting point, and source behind your retaliation are the same as theirs; there is no difference. So, the character of your actions is certainly hotheaded, natural, and satanic. Seeing as it is satanic and hotheaded, should you not change this course of action of yours? Should the source, intents, and motivations behind your actions change? (Yes.) How do you change them? If what happens to you is something small, although it makes you uncomfortable, when it does not touch on your own interests, or hurt you badly, or cause you to hate it, or make you risk your life to retaliate, then you can lay down your hatred without relying on hotheadedness; rather, you can rely on your rationality and humanity to properly and calmly handle this matter. You can frankly and sincerely explain this matter to your counterpart, and resolve your hatred. But, if this hatred is too deep, such that you get to the point of wanting retaliation and feeling bitter hatred, then can you still exercise patience? When you are able to not rely on hotheadedness, and can calmly say, ‘I must be rational. I must live by my conscience and reason, and live by the truth principles. I cannot respond to evil with evil, I must stand firm in my testimony and shame Satan,’ is this not a different state? (It is.) What kinds of states have you had in the past? If someone else steals something of yours, or eats something of yours, this does not amount to some great, deep hatred, so you will not think it necessary to go argue with them until you are red in the face because of this matter—it is beneath you, and not worth it. In this kind of situation, you can handle the matter rationally. Is being able to handle the matter rationally equivalent to practicing the truth? Is it equivalent to having the truth reality in this matter? Absolutely not. Rationality and practicing the truth are two separate things. If you encounter something that makes you particularly furious, but you are able to rationally and calmly deal with it, without letting hotheadedness or corruption pour out of you—this requires you to understand the truth principles and rely on wisdom to deal with it. In such a situation, if you do not pray to God or seek the truth, hotheadedness will easily arise in you—even violence. If you do not seek the truth, only adopting human methods, and dealing with the matter according to your own preferences, then you cannot resolve it by preaching a little doctrine or sitting down and laying your heart bare. It is not that simple” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Resolving One’s Corrupt Disposition Can Bring About True Transformation). As I pondered God’s words, I began to feel quite guilty. Because I thought that Li Xin had damaged my reputation by criticizing me in front of others, I wanted to take revenge on her and make life hard for her. How were my actions any different from hers? Wasn’t I just letting my emotions and corrupt disposition dictate my actions? Was Satan not at the root of all this? I wasn’t practicing the truth! I had always thought of myself as being quite kind and accepting and wasn’t typically petty and calculating with people. Only after reading God’s words did I realize that this wasn’t my true stature. I would only not be petty in regard to matters that I didn’t have a stake in. I didn’t find it necessary to get too caught up about trivial and unimportant matters. If I was too petty, I would seem undignified and narrow-minded. I was able to deal with these issues reasonably and appeared magnanimous and forgiving. At first, when Li Xin had a bad attitude toward me, I was able to deal with her properly and understand her situation. I felt that it was normal for her to reveal corruption and I fashioned myself to be quite forgiving. But when I heard that Li Xin had been criticizing me in front of other team members and the leader, I took it as a big affront to my dignity; I just couldn’t take it any longer and became mired in rage and hate. I saw that I was not truly patient and tolerant. God’s words say: “If you encounter something that makes you particularly furious, but you are able to rationally and calmly deal with it, without letting hotheadedness or corruption pour out of you—this requires you to understand the truth principles and rely on wisdom to deal with it” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Resolving One’s Corrupt Disposition Can Bring About True Transformation). I thought to myself: “What truths must I understand in order to rid myself of these hateful emotions?”

In my seeking, I came across this passage of God’s words: “Attack and retaliation is one type of action and outpouring which comes from a malicious satanic nature. It is also a kind of corrupt disposition. People think like this: ‘If you are unkind to me, then I won’t be just to you! If you don’t treat me with dignity, why would I treat you with dignity?’ What sort of thinking is this? Is it not a retaliatory way of thinking? In the views of an ordinary person, is this not a valid perspective? Does it not hold water? ‘I will not attack unless I am attacked; if I am attacked, I will certainly counterattack,’ and ‘Here’s a taste of your own medicine’—the unbelievers often say such things; among them, these are all rationales that hold water and completely conform to human notions. Yet how should those who believe in God and pursue the truth view these words? Are these ideas correct? (No.) Why are they not correct? How should they be discerned? Where do these things originate? (From Satan.) They originate from Satan, of this there is no doubt. Which of Satan’s dispositions do they come from? They come from the malicious nature of Satan; they contain venom, and they contain the true face of Satan in all its maliciousness and ugliness. They contain this kind of nature essence. What is the character of the perspectives, thoughts, outpourings, speech, and even actions that contain that kind of nature essence? Without any doubt, it is man’s corrupt disposition—it is the disposition of Satan. Are these satanic things in line with God’s words? Are they in line with the truth? Do they have a basis in God’s words? (No.) Are they the actions that followers of God should do, and the thoughts and points of view that they should possess? Are these thoughts and courses of action in line with the truth? (No.) Seeing as these things are not in line with the truth, are they in line with the conscience and reason of normal humanity? (No.) Now you can clearly see that these things are not in line with the truth or with normal humanity. Did you previously think that these courses of action and thoughts were appropriate, presentable, and had a leg to stand on? (Yes.) These satanic thoughts and theories take a dominant position in people’s hearts, guiding their thoughts, viewpoints, conduct, and courses of action, as well as their various states; so can people understand the truth? Absolutely not. On the contrary—do people not practice and hold to the things they think are right as if they were the truth? If these things are the truth, then why does sticking to them not resolve your practical problems? Why does sticking to them not produce a true change in you, despite you having believed in God for years? Why are you unable to use God’s words to discern these philosophies which come from Satan? Do you still hold to these satanic philosophies as if they were the truth? If you truly have discernment, then have you not found the root of the problems? Because what you were holding to was never the truth—rather, it was satanic fallacies and philosophies—that is where the problem lies. You all should follow this path to examine and scrutinize yourselves; see which things within you are those that you think have a leg to stand on, that are in line with common sense and worldly wisdom, that you think you can put on the table—the incorrect thoughts, viewpoints, courses of action, and foundations that you have already treated as the truth in your heart, which you do not think are corrupt dispositions” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Resolving One’s Corrupt Disposition Can Bring About True Transformation). Through reading God’s words, I realized that I was revealing a vicious and evil disposition. I thought it was just too much how Li Xin had criticized me in front of others and damaged my reputation and status. As the saying goes, “The nice person gets bullied, just as the gentle horse gets ridden.” If I just let this go, others would certainly say I was worthless and a total pushover, they’d think they could treat me however they pleased. I just couldn’t let this go unanswered, and I wanted to take revenge and ignore Li Xin. I also thought: It was Li Xin that mistreated me first. However I respond will not be out of line. At the least, I should let her feel what it’s like to be hurt to vent some of my frustration and depression. Just like they say, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” and “If you’re unkind, don’t blame me for being unfair.” Through the revelation of God’s words, I saw that my thoughts and views all derived from hotheadedness, satanic philosophy and my corrupt disposition. I wanted to attack and avenge anyone that harmed or offended me. If I felt bad, my attacker would feel bad as well. I realized that I was quite vicious and evil. When I let my corrupt disposition dictate my life, I only considered how to make myself happy and satisfied, and how to protect my interests. I didn’t pause to think if my actions accorded with the truth at all, or if they would be damaging to Li Xin. I had become so selfish and narrow-minded. Li Xin was able to reflect on and know herself, she had gotten the courage to expose her corruption. She was showing a desire to practice the truth and repent. I should have treated her properly and put aside my biases. But not only did I not encourage her, I fixated on her corruption and sought to take vengeance on her for it. Wasn’t I being unforgiving despite being in the right? Realizing this, I felt that my humanity was quite poor. I was mired in feelings of hate, and despite satisfying my desire to take revenge, I didn’t feel any happier or at peace. Indeed, I felt even worse, I felt guilty and accused. I experienced firsthand how living according to a corrupt disposition leads to personal suffering and harms those around you. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I also realized that my views were just the same as those of unbelievers. I thought I could only protect myself by responding to evil with evil. In the secular world, honest people might often be bullied, and all they can do is just put aside their pride and make compromises. However, in God’s house, there is no bullying or being bullied. No matter what happens to us or how others treat us, it is all with God’s permission, and we must find ways to learn from these things and practice the truth. I should accept this from God and treat Li Xin right according to His words.

The next day, I still felt bad when I thought of this issue and was unsure how to interact with Li Xin, so I prayed to God: “O God, I know that I shouldn’t treat Li Xin based on satanic philosophies, but my knowledge of this issue is too superficial and I lack that sense of release. I don’t know how I should treat Li Xin. O God, please guide me.” After that, I came across yet another passage. “God is wrath, and He does not tolerate being offended—this is not to say that God’s anger does not distinguish among causes or is unprincipled; it is corrupt humanity that has an exclusive claim on unprincipled, random outbursts of rage, rage of a kind that does not distinguish between causes. Once a man has status, he will often find it difficult to control his mood, and so he will enjoy seizing upon opportunities to express his dissatisfaction and vent his emotions; he will often flare up in rage for no apparent reason, so as to reveal his ability and let others know that his status and identity are different from those of ordinary people. Of course, corrupt people without any status also often lose control. Their anger is frequently caused by damage to their private interests. In order to protect their own status and dignity, they will frequently vent their emotions and reveal their arrogant nature. Man will flare up in anger and vent his emotions in order to defend and uphold the existence of sin, and these actions are the ways in which man expresses his dissatisfaction; they brim with impurities, with schemes and intrigues, with man’s corruption and evil, and more than anything else, they brim with man’s wild ambitions and desires” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique II). After pondering over God’s words, I felt quite ashamed. I saw that God’s essence is righteous and holy and He carries out His work in a very principled way. God’s wrath and mercy are particularly pure and unblemished. Take, for instance, how God treated the cities of Sodom and Nineveh. Both cities denied God and had fallen to evil and licentiousness. Their wicked deeds had long been known to God and they should have been decimated for the evil they committed. The two cities had starkly different responses to the messengers from God that visited them. The Sodomites viciously persecuted the messengers and hated all positive things. Ultimately, they enraged God’s disposition and were destroyed by burning sulfur. By contrast, the Ninevites believed and abided by Jonah’s proclamation and the whole city came before God to repent and confess, which led God to ultimately change His mind and take mercy on them. God is very principled in how He treats people. If people stubbornly refuse to repent, then God will condemn them and destroy them. But when they truly repent and confess their sins, God immediately retracts His wrath and shows mercy upon them. From God’s attitude toward mankind, I realized that I wasn’t at all principled in how I acted and treated people, that I acted entirely based on my corrupt disposition. When Li Xin revealed corruption but it didn’t greatly damage my interests, I didn’t correct and help her and just let it go. When my interests were severely damaged and I couldn’t take it any longer, I was hotheaded and wanted to take revenge on her, and even when she wanted to repent, I couldn’t forgive her. I was mired in feelings of hate and bore a deep grudge. I realized that in both cases I’d treated Li Xin based on my corrupt disposition, and acted on behalf of my own interests. I was hotheaded and sought to take revenge to maintain my reputation, status and dignity, venting my frustration with Li Xin in the process. My rage and hate were selfish and narrow-minded, they were satanic. This was a revelation of my corrupt disposition!

Later on, I also came across another two passages of God’s words: “If something happened that aroused your hatred, how would you view it? On what basis would you view it? (Based on God’s words.) That’s right. If you don’t know how to view these things according to God’s words, then you can only be lenient wherever possible, suppress your indignation, make concessions and bide your time while seeking opportunities to retaliate—this is the path you would take. If you want to pursue the truth, you must view people and things according to God’s words, asking yourself: ‘Why is this person treating me like this? How can this happen to me? Why can there be such an outcome?’ Such things should be viewed according to God’s words. The first thing to do is to be able to accept this matter from God, and actively accept that it comes from God, and that it is something helpful and beneficial to you. To accept this matter from God, you must first regard it as being orchestrated and governed by God. Everything that happens under the sun, all that you can feel, all that you can see, all that you can hear—everything happens with God’s permission. After you accept this matter from God, measure it against God’s words, and find out what kind of person whoever did this thing is and what the essence of this matter is, irrespective of whether what they said or did hurt you, whether your feelings have been dealt a blow or whether your character has been trampled on. First look at whether the person is a wicked person or an ordinary corrupt person, first discerning them for what they are according to God’s words, and then discerning and treating this matter according to God’s words. Are these not the right steps to take? (Yes.) First accept this matter from God, and view the people involved in this matter according to His words, to determine whether they are ordinary brothers and sisters, wicked people, antichrists, nonbelievers, evil spirits, filthy demons, or spies from the great red dragon, and whether what they did was a general display of corruption, or an evil deed that was deliberately intended to disturb and disrupt. All of this should be determined by comparing it against God’s words. Measuring things by God’s words is the most accurate and objective way. People should be differentiated and matters dealt with according to God’s words. You should ponder: ‘This incident has greatly hurt my feelings and left a shadow over me. But what has the occurrence of this incident done to edify me for my life entry? What is God’s will?’ This leads you to the crux of the matter, which you should figure out and understand—this is following the right path. You must seek God’s will, by thinking: ‘This incident has traumatized my heart and soul. I feel anguish and pain, but I cannot be negative and reproachful. The most important thing is to discern, differentiate, and decide whether this incident is actually beneficial to me or not, according to God’s words. If it comes from God’s disciplining, and is beneficial for my life entry and my self-understanding, then I should accept and submit to it; if it is temptation from Satan, then I should pray to God and treat it wisely.’ Is seeking and thinking like this positive entry? Is this viewing people and things according to God’s words? (Yes.) Next, whatever matter you are dealing with, or whatever problems arise in your associations with people, you should look for the relevant words of God in order to solve them” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (9)). “If you choose the right path, when someone speaks in a way that harms your image or pride, or insults your character and dignity, then you can choose to be tolerant. You won’t engage in arguments with them using any kind of language or intentionally justify yourself, or refute and attack the other party, giving rise to hatred. What is the essence and significance of being tolerant? You say, ‘Some of the things he said don’t align with facts, but people don’t understand the truth and are all like this before they attain salvation, and I was too. Now that I understand the truth, I don’t choose that path—I choose tolerance. Some of the things he says don’t align with facts; I don’t pay attention to it. I receive what I can be conscious of and comprehend. I accept it from God and bring it before God in prayer, asking Him to set up circumstances that expose my corrupt dispositions, allowing me to know the essence of these corrupt dispositions and have an opportunity to address these issues, gradually overcome them, and enter step by step into the truth reality. As for who speaks to hurt me and whether he is right or not, or what his motivations are, in one respect, I practice discernment of it, and in another, I tolerate it.’ If this person is someone who accepts the truth, you can sit down and fellowship with him peacefully. If he isn’t, if he’s an evildoer, then don’t pay attention to him. Wait until he finishes with his performance; when all the brothers and sisters discern and see through him, and you do too, and the leaders and workers are about to handle him, that’s when the time has come for God to address him, and of course, you will feel delighted. However, the path you should choose is not at all to engage in verbal battles with evildoers or to argue and get defensive with them. Instead, it is to practice according to the truth principles whenever anything happens. No matter if it’s dealing with people who have hurt you or those who haven’t and are beneficial to you, the principles you practice are the same” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (15)). Reading through God’s words, I felt even clearer and gained some paths of practice. I saw that no matter what happens to us, it is all with God’s permission, and we must learn from these things. God urges us to treat people in a principled manner. When dealing with those who have harmed us, we shouldn’t always submit to humiliation and compromise, nor should we be mired in hatred and seek revenge. Rather, we should accept the situation from God, seek God’s will and handle the matter according to the truth principles. If someone is revealing corruption, and unwittingly harms us with their words or actions, we must show loving tolerance and forbearance, use their criticisms to reflect on our own issues and focus on our own life entry. If they have the wrong intentions in how they speak and act, and criticize and attack us behind our backs, we cannot only reflect on ourselves, but must also discern what kind of person they are, what intentions they have, and point out their issues. If they are willing to accept the truth, repent and transform, then they should be treated like brothers and sisters and offered fellowship and support. If they do not accept the truth in the slightest and are evildoers and antichrists, then they should be exposed, discerned, unmasked and reported according to the truth and should also be despised and rejected. This is the actual way to treat people according to the truth principles. Li Xin’s corrupt disposition was relatively severe, but she was accepting the truth and willing to repent and transform, so I should treat her properly. I had to be tolerant and patient with her and forgive her for harming me. As for the issues she had that she hadn’t recognized, I should point them out and help her, guide her to know herself and resolve her corrupt disposition. Also, through this experience, I reflected on and came to know myself. I saw that my stature was too small and my desire for reputation and status was too strong. When Li Xin’s words and actions threatened my status and reputation, I hotheadedly desired to seek revenge and lost the rationality that a normal person ought to have. Some of Li Xin’s criticisms of me lacked objectivity, but some identified real problems that I have. For instance, in my duty, I focused more on my work than on experiencing God’s words, my priorities in my duty were wrong sometimes, and so on. These were all my deficiencies. I might have lost some face from the criticisms, but they helped me identify issues more clearly. It was also helpful for my life entry. So why should I reproach and despise her? The more I thought about it, the more touched I felt, and my bias toward Li Xin eventually disappeared altogether.

Later on, during a gathering, I opened up to Li Xin about the corruption I’d revealed and my own life entry. Once I practiced in that way, the tension between us vanished and I could finally treat her properly. Later on, while partnering with Li Xin, I realized her vying for status had become problematic, and she hadn’t realized it herself. Sometimes her criticisms of me would lack objectivity. I tried to accept her criticisms from God, reflect on my issues and refrain from seeking hotheaded vengeance, while also focusing on discernment and observation. When I saw that Li Xin’s corrupt disposition had become quite serious, her humanity was poor, she continually failed to truly repent and was causing disturbances and disruptions, I reported her situation to the leader. Ultimately, Li Xin was reassigned. I felt much calmer and liberated practicing in this way. Thank God! Through this experience I have found that only by practicing the truth and living by God’s words can we truly live out a human semblance.