By Daisy, USA

In October 2022, Shelley and I were selected as church leaders. Since we just started to practice and were unfamiliar with many tasks, we would always discuss matters together. After some time, our work started to show some results. Shelley had relatively good caliber. Whenever the leader asked questions, she could respond quickly. Most of the time, the leader would also acknowledge her. As a result, the leader would prioritize seeking Shelley’s suggestions on many matters, while I seemed like a dispensable person sitting on the side. I thought to myself, “Shelley has good caliber and the leader thinks relatively highly of her, whereas I go a long time without saying anything. The leader has probably seen through to my lack of ability and thinks I can only do some auxiliary work.” I felt a bit despondent, but then I thought that since I just started to practice and my caliber was not that good, it was normal for me not to be used for important work. I consoled myself and the feeling passed.

Later on, the amount of work we were responsible for increased. When assigning work, the leader would call on both of us. But when it came to implementing some more challenging tasks, the leader would specifically ask Shelley to follow up on them, rarely mentioning my name. At most, the leader would end with, “Shelley, you and the others can follow up on this task.” Outwardly, I pretended not to care, but inwardly, I was in turmoil: “I’m always the overlooked one, merely a part of the ‘others.’ I don’t seem to exist at all in the leader’s mind. There is nothing I can do; after all, my caliber is not as good as Shelley’s. I’ll just do what I can.” Subsequently, I became increasingly passive in following up on tasks and didn’t want to get involved much in the work Shelley was responsible for. When she came to discuss work with me, I would respond half-heartedly. Sometimes everyone would actively discuss a problem, and I felt like an outsider, hardly saying a word all afternoon. Sometimes I had some ideas, but I wasn’t sure whether they were actually correct. If I said something wrong, wouldn’t I make a fool of myself? After thinking it over, I decided not to speak up. In this way, I increasingly felt that I had poor caliber and was not of much use, so I no longer wanted to be responsible for so much work. I then shifted my focus to the watering work. At that time, the church lacked a watering group leader, and I thought of Sister Rose, who had previously gotten some results in watering new believers. However, the brothers and sisters reported that she didn’t bear a burden in her duty and was not suited to be a group leader. I wanted to discuss this with Shelley, but seeing how busy she was, I didn’t bring it up with her, fearing she might say that my caliber was too poor since I was unable to handle even this small task. I thought, “Rose has good caliber and can fellowship to resolve some problems. Though she might not bear a burden now due to being constrained by her husband, with more follow-up and fellowship from me, it shouldn’t delay the work.” So, I selected Rose as the watering group leader. But a few days later, I learned that Rose gave up her duties and went home due to being constrained by her husband. Upon hearing this, I felt paralyzed, thinking, “This is it. I chose her. Doesn’t this show that I have no discernment? I made mistakes even when working independently on a small task; this is really terrible. If this delayed the watering of new believers, I would be disrupting the church’s work.” The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, believing I was incapable of doing anything well. Since I lacked the caliber and discernment, and couldn’t see things clearly, I should quickly resign before causing more harm to the brothers and sisters and delaying the church’s work. So, I wrote my resignation letter and sent it to the leader and Shelley. Shortly after, Shelley sent me a passage of God’s words: “Regardless of the situation or work environment, people sometimes make mistakes, and there are areas where their caliber, insights, and perspectives fall short. This is normal, and you need to learn how to handle it correctly. In any case, no matter what your practice is, you should face and handle it correctly and actively. Do not become depressed or feel negative or repressed when faced with a bit of difficulty, and do not fall into negative emotions. There’s no need for all of that, don’t make it into a big deal. What you should do is immediately reflect on yourself, and determine if there is an issue with your professional skills or a problem with your intentions. Examine if there are any impurities in your actions or if certain notions are to blame. Reflect on all aspects. If it is a problem with a lack of proficiency, you can continue learning, find somebody to help you explore solutions, or consult with people in the same field. If there are some wrong intentions in the mix, involving a problem that may be resolved using the truth, you can seek out church leaders or someone who understands the truth for consultation and fellowship. Talk with them about the state you are in and let them help you resolve it. If it is an issue involving notions, once you have examined and realized them, you can dissect and understand them, then turn away from and rebel against them. Isn’t that all there is to it? The days ahead still await you, the sun will rise again tomorrow, and you have to go on living. Since you are alive, since you are human, you should continue to perform your duty. As long as you are alive and have thoughts, you should strive to fulfill your duty and complete it. This is a goal that should never change throughout a person’s life. No matter when, no matter what difficulties you encounter, no matter what you face, you should not feel repressed. If you feel repressed, you will stagnate and be defeated. What kind of people always feel repressed? Weaklings and fools are often repressed” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (6)). After reading God’s words, I felt very warm inside. God said that when people do their duties, there are times when they may be confused, make mistakes, or violate principles due to a lack of understanding of the truth. So, when problems arise that cause some losses to the work, or when people are pruned, these are all normal and should be treated correctly. The key is to learn lessons from failures, reflect upon oneself, repent, and change. If losses to the work are caused by acting according to corrupt dispositions, then one should seek the truth to resolve the corrupt dispositions. If the work is ineffective due to lack of skills, one should quickly learn them or consult with someone more skilled. If, just because of the appearance of these deviations or mistakes, one thinks that they are revealed and thus becomes negative and delimits themselves and is even unwilling to do their duties, this shows they are foolish and weak. I reflected on the issues with choosing Rose and realized that I was too concerned with my own reputation and status. During the time of cooperating with Shelley, since I felt overshadowed everywhere, I wanted to accomplish a task independently to prove that I still had some working abilities. Therefore, in the case of selecting a watering group leader, though I clearly lacked principles and could not discern people, because I was afraid that if I asked brothers and sisters, they might think that I was really incompetent since I couldn’t handle even such a small task, I chose Rose according to my own imagination. I lacked discernment of people and didn’t follow principles in selecting and using them. Actually, God’s house has long fellowshipped that when choosing and using people, we should consult and ask those who know their backgrounds to ensure the selected ones have a sense of responsibility and some calibers before cultivating them, and that once an issue with a person is discovered, we should immediately investigate to understand the situation. If we cannot see it clearly, we should seek from someone who understands the truth. Only in this way can our selection and using of people be more accurate. However, for the sake of protecting my vanity and status, I promoted Rose according to my own will. I was acting arbitrarily and being seriously irresponsible for the work. Now that the work had been delayed, I should quickly think of ways to resolve the problem rather than sinking in despondency and writing myself off. I was avoiding my responsibility by doing so. I was so selfish!

At a gathering, I read a passage of God’s words that was very helpful to me. Almighty God says: “If you are a person with resolve, if you can treat the responsibilities and obligations that people should bear, the things that people with normal humanity must achieve, and those things that adults must accomplish as the aims and goals of your pursuit, and if you can shoulder your responsibilities, then no matter what price you pay and what pain you endure, you will not complain, and as long as you recognize it as God’s requirements and intentions, you will be able to endure any suffering and fulfill your duty well. At that time, what would your state of mind be like? It would be different; you would feel peace and stability in your heart, and you would experience enjoyment. You see, just by seeking to live out normal humanity, and pursuing the responsibilities, obligations, and mission that people with normal humanity ought to bear and undertake, people feel peace and joy in their hearts, and they experience enjoyment. They have not even reached the point where they are conducting affairs according to the principles and obtaining the truth, and they have already undergone some change. Such people are those who possess conscience and reason; they are upright people who can overcome any difficulty and undertake any task. They are the good soldiers of Christ, they have gone through training, and no difficulty can defeat them. Tell Me, what do you think of such comportment? Do these people not have fortitude? (They do.) They do have fortitude, and people admire them. Would such people still feel repressed? (No.) Then how did they change these repressive emotions? For what reason will these emotions of repression neither trouble them nor find them? (It is because they love positive things and bear a burden in their duties.) That’s right, it is about attending to one’s proper work. … If a person attends to their proper work and follows the right path, these emotions will not arise. Even if they experience repressive emotions occasionally due to temporary special circumstances, they will only be passing moods, because people with the correct way of life and the right perspective on existence will quickly override these negative emotions. As a result, you will not frequently find yourself trapped in emotions of repression. This means that such emotions of repression will not bother you. You may experience temporary bad moods, but you will not be trapped in them. This highlights the importance of pursuing the truth. If you seek to attend to your proper work, if you bear the responsibilities that adults should bear, and seek to have a normal, good, positive, and proactive mode of existence, then you will not develop these negative emotions. These repressive emotions will not find you or cling to you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). After reading God’s words I felt very ashamed. From God’s words, I saw that adults and those who attend to the proper work keep their minds on proper matters. Every day, what they think about is things related to their duties, such as how to do their duties well, what problems still exist in their duties, how to do their work better, and so on. Even if there may be some deviations or mistakes in their duties, and they may face setbacks and become weak or despondent for a while, they do not remain in negative emotions all along, but instead, they will actively seek the truth to resolve their problems. However, right now, I was just like a useless person who could not shoulder responsibilities. Facing some setbacks, I became negative and gave up, without a bit of the fortitude an adult should have. Additionally, this also exposed how I failed to attend to what I should be doing lately. Since taking on the church work, seeing that the sister I worked with was better than me in various aspects, I felt that I lacked caliber and was unappreciated. So, I really hoped for an opportunity to prove my abilities. When the leader had gatherings with us, I constantly observed her expressions and tried to judge from her tone whether she valued me. If the leader specifically asked me to do some work, I felt happy, thinking that the leader valued me, and I had the motivation to do my duties. But if the leader assigned the main responsibilities to my partnered sister, I felt undervalued. My desire for reputation and status left me feeling distressed when unmet. While I cooperated with brothers and sisters, my thoughts were not on my duties but on how much they agreed with what I said. Sometimes, when I shared a viewpoint and no one responded, I felt uncomfortable. If they offered opposing suggestions, I became even more negative and determined that my caliber was too low, being even unwilling to participate in the discussion. Especially regarding the matter with Rose, I acted recklessly according to my own will despite a lack of discernment, and didn’t reflect upon myself after making a mistake, but fell into negative emotions and wanted to resign. This was all because I didn’t attend to the proper work in doing my duties, but always pursued reputation and status. My eyes and thoughts were focused on nothing but my reputation and status. When I didn’t receive people’s admiration, I became negative and distressed, even putting the church work aside. I couldn’t do my duty well at all in this way. This attitude was really loathed by God. I remembered God said: “Especially for those who are currently performing their duties in God’s house, is there any time for them to feel repressed? There is no time. So, what is the matter with those who feel repressed, get into bad moods, and feel low-spirited or depressed whenever they encounter something a little unpleasant? It is that they are not occupying themselves with the right things and they are idle” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). Seeing that the brothers and sisters around me were all busy doing their duties while I remained caught up in concerns about my reputation and status without seeking the truth to resolve these issues, instead becoming more negative and resistant, I realized that I was not someone who pursues the truth. Particularly when I thought about how Shelley mentioned that the results of the gospel work she was responsible for weren’t good, and everyone lived in difficulties, and that she really hoped that we could be of one mind and heart to overcome these difficulties together, I felt very guilty and distressed inside. God arranged the environment for us to cooperate together to be responsible for the church work, but instead of focusing on how to do my duties well, I was lost in my petty thoughts, became negative and withdrawn, and wanted to resign. I was really lacking in humanity! I prayed to God, “God, I am too selfish. There are so many difficulties in the church work right now, yet I didn’t mind the proper matters but competed with the sister every day. When I couldn’t be better than her, I became negative. I feel like a cesspool inside, devoid of any positive pursuits. I am not only suffering myself but also delaying the church work. Now I have realized my problems. Although my caliber is not very good, I should do my best to cooperate and work harmoniously with the sister. At the very least, I shouldn’t cause delays in the work because of my attitude. May You scrutinize my heart; I am willing to repent!” After that, my attitude toward doing my duties became more active. I started to proactively discuss and solve problems at work with Shelley. For some difficult tasks that I used to be afraid of, I prayed to God and participated as much as I could. When I noticed difficulties in others’ duties, if I couldn’t offer much help, I would find someone who understood the truth to cooperate on resolving them. Sometimes, even though the leader specifically assigned Shelley to follow up on a task, without mentioning my name, as long as Shelley communicated with me, I would participate and offer suggestions, without caring whether the leader would notice it or not. I practiced doing things before God, focusing on doing each task conscientiously, and believing that practicing the truth and satisfying God was key. When I consciously rebelled against my own intentions and focused my heart on my duties every day, I felt steadfast and started to come out of my negative emotions a bit.

After some time, I encountered a pruning and fell back into negative emotions. At that time, the leader asked me to organize some materials. Lacking experience, I cooperated with brothers and sisters to do it. After we finished the draft, the leader thought it was good after reading it, but suggested adding some details in some places. I was pleased when seeing there were no big problems, thinking it was a well-done task, the additional details would be easy to add, and it would be satisfactory to add only a bit more content. So, I didn’t fellowship the principles with the brothers and sisters. Unexpectedly, after the additions, the leader found the new content long-winded and incoherent, which made the content worse. She asked whether we had carefully pondered and clearly understood what the problem was. Then she asked others to reorganize the materials. Hearing this, I was stunned, “I wanted to do it well, but why did it end up like this?” Reflecting on it, I felt it was still due to my poor caliber and shallow understanding of the truth. I thought I could handle some general affairs, but when it came to the job that required the understanding of the truth, I was not up to it. Now, it wasn’t that I intentionally wanted to step back; I truly had the will but lacked the competency. Afterward, I became hesitant in cooperating with the work. When I noticed some problems at work, I would want to point them out but then I would deny myself, thinking, “With my poor caliber, can I even spot problems? Am I capable of this job? My caliber is poor and I am inadequate in discerning things, otherwise, the work would not have been done so badly; so, I’d better not point out problems for others.” Consequently, I fell back into negative emotions, becoming passive in my duties, constantly worrying about my future and prospects, and was unable to quiet my heart.

Until one gathering, I read a passage of God’s words that helped improve my state. Almighty God says: “All the things that arise each day, big or small, that can shake your resolution, occupy your heart, or constrain your ability to do your duty and your forward progress require diligent treatment; you should examine them carefully and seek the truth. These are all problems that must be solved as you experience. Some people become negative, complain, and quit their duties when they run into difficulties, and they are unable to crawl back to their feet after each setback. All these people are fools who do not love the truth, and they would not gain it with even a lifetime of faith. How could such fools follow to the end? If the same thing happens to you ten times, but you gain nothing from it, then you are a mediocre, useless person. Astute people and those of true caliber who have spiritual understanding are seekers of the truth; should something happen to them ten times, then, in perhaps eight of those cases, they would be able to gain some enlightenment, learn some lesson, understand some truth, and make some progress. When things befall a fool ten times—one who does not have spiritual understanding—not once will it benefit their life, not once will it change them, and not once will it cause them to know their ugly face, in which case it is over for them. Each time something happens to them, they fall down, and each time they fall down, they need someone else to support them and coax them; without support and coaxing, they cannot rise, and each time something happens, they are in danger of falling and of being degraded. Is this not the end for them? Are there any other grounds for such useless people to be saved? God’s salvation of mankind is a salvation of those who love the truth, a salvation of the part of them with will and resolve, and the part of them that yearns for truth and justice in their hearts. A person’s resolve is the part of them in their heart that yearns for justice, goodness, and truth, and is possessed of conscience. God saves this part of people, and through it, He changes their corrupt disposition, so that they may understand and gain the truth, so that their corruption may be cleansed, and their life disposition may be transformed. If you do not have these things within you, you cannot be saved. … Some people feel that their caliber is too low and that they lack the comprehension ability, so they delimit themselves, and they feel that no matter how much they pursue the truth, they will not be able to meet God’s requirements. They think that no matter how hard they try, it’s useless, and that’s all there is to it, so they are always negative, and as a result, even after years of believing in God, they haven’t gained any truth. Without doing the hard work to pursue the truth, you say that your caliber is too poor, you give up on yourself, and you always live in a negative state. As a result, you don’t understand the truth that you should understand or practice the truth within your ability—aren’t you the one hindering yourself? If you always say that your caliber isn’t good enough, isn’t this evading and shirking responsibility? If you can suffer, pay a price, and gain the work of the Holy Spirit, then you will inevitably be able to understand some truths and enter into some realities. If you don’t look to or rely on God, and you give up on yourself without putting in any effort or paying a price, and simply surrender, then you are a good-for-nothing, and lack a shred of conscience and reason. No matter whether your caliber is poor or outstanding, if you have a bit of conscience and reason, you should properly complete what you ought to do and your mission; being a deserter is a terrible thing and a betrayal of God. This is irredeemable. Pursuing the truth requires a firm will, and people who are too negative or weak will accomplish nothing. They will not be able to believe in God until the end, and, if they wish to obtain the truth and achieve a change of disposition, they have less hope still. Only those who are resolved and pursue the truth can obtain it and be perfected by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I related them to myself. I realized that when faced with setbacks and failures, I was always particularly fragile and negative, feeling like a crumpled piece of paper. My first reaction was always to think, “Let others handle it,” or “My caliber is too low,” and then I pushed the work onto others to resolve. I seemed to be sensible and have self-awareness by doing so, but actually, I was delimiting myself and giving up on myself. It showed that I was not accepting or loving the truth. When we are faced with setbacks and failures, God wants us to seek the truth to solve problems and make progress. It is through our will and longing for justice that God perfects us. People who love the truth and have good caliber are proactive. They are good at summarizing experiences from failures, examining their lacking, and can understand some truths through seeking, gain some knowledge of themselves, and make progress in life. This time, when I encountered pruning, I didn’t analyze the reasons for my failure but instead made excuses. I felt it wasn’t because I didn’t want to do well, but rather that my poor caliber led to so many problems in doing my duties. The implication was that I had done my best within my capabilities and had nothing to reflect on. But upon closer examination, was it true that I really had no problems at all? When the leader pointed out that the materials lacked details, I didn’t ponder or seek but added a lot of unnecessary content based on my imagination, making the revised materials overly lengthy and trivial. I didn’t seek principles or think about how to achieve better results; I just followed the rules mechanically. This approach to doing my duties was just going through the motions. I should quickly summarize and correct my approach. I already lacked caliber, and if I even lacked the proactive mindset and just retreated passively whenever I faced difficulties, then it would be hard for me to improve.

Later, I pondered why I always wanted to escape when faced with setbacks and failures. After much thought, I realized that it was because my concern for reputation and status was too heavy, and the path I walked in my faith in God was not correct. I recalled a passage where God dissects antichrists. God’s words say: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; they would not consider these problems otherwise. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less something extraneous that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God says that antichrists cherish their reputation and status more than normal people, and that reputation and status are their lifelong pursuits and the starting point and goal of everything they do. When people look up to them and praise them, they are motivated to perform their duties and are willing to do anything. But once they lose people’s admiration, they become negative and slack off, even feeling that believing in God and doing their duties is meaningless. My views on pursuit were the same as those of antichrists. When my opinions could be recognized and adopted by everyone, I could do some work proactively. However, when the sister I worked with was valued and I was always ignored, I felt very lost and dejected, losing motivation in my duties. When I faced more failures, I further delimited myself as lacking caliber and unfit for the work, wanting to escape. I always thought that I wanted to resign because I was really incompetent for this work, and it showed I had self-awareness, but actually, it was because I valued my reputation and status too much. I knew that doing this duty would make it difficult for me to hold my head high, and if I continued in this duty, I would likely fail and be revealed many more times, and others would see through me completely. So, I wanted to switch to a simpler duty to maintain my reputation and status. All along, whether it was choosing a duty, or where to study or work, my primary criterion was whether it could make me look good and stand out. When applying for college, there was a university with a good major and another with a relatively weaker one. However, the teachers from the latter repeatedly invited me to apply, and I felt that I would be valued there. Ultimately, I chose the university with the weaker major. During university, it was the same. I put effort into the subjects where the teachers valued me and avoided the subjects where I wasn’t appreciated. Throughout my life, I had judged things based on whether they could bring me reputation and status. I liked places where I could be valued and stand out and avoided places where I would be neglected or humiliated. Now, I realized that my concern for reputation and status was deeply rooted, and it had become ingrained in me, making me constantly want to protect it. For example, now, I clearly knew that being a leader meant being revealed and pruned a lot, which was beneficial for my understanding of the truth principles and for my life entry. However, to maintain my reputation and status, I even considered giving up my duty. I saw that I valued reputation and status more than the truth, and I revealed the disposition of being averse to the truth. If I continued to pursue this way, what would I ultimately gain? I wouldn’t be able to exercise my skills or make any progress in my life entry, and in the end, I would just be a useless person whom God loathes and eliminates. It was at that time that I realized that pursuing reputation and status will lead to a dead end, and that I need to seek the truth and let go of my pursuit of reputation and status, breaking free from this state.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words and found the way to practice. Almighty God says: “What is the most important thing to focus on when believing in God? Whether someone’s caliber is high or low, whether they have spiritual understanding, or what kind of pruning they face—none of this is important. What is the important thing nowadays? It’s how you enter the truth realities. In order to do so, what is the most basic thing someone should have? They must have a sincere heart. What does it mean to be sincere? It means not being slippery when things befall you, not considering your own interests, not plotting and scheming with others, and not playing deceitful games with God. If you can cheat God and lack sincerity toward Him, then you’re completely done for and God will not save you, so what’s the point of understanding the truth? You may have spiritual understanding, be of good caliber, be eloquent, and be able to comprehend things quickly, draw inferences, and understand everything God says, but if you play deceitful games with God when things befall you, this is a satanic disposition and is very dangerous. Your caliber is of no use no matter how good it is, and God will not want you. God will say, ‘You speak well, are of good caliber, are quick-witted, and have spiritual understanding, but there is just one problem—you don’t love the truth.’ Those who don’t love the truth are troublesome, and God doesn’t want them. A person without a good heart will be disposed of, just like how a car that looks well-maintained from the outside but has a bad engine will be completely discarded. People are like this, too: No matter how good your caliber appears to be, how smart, eloquent, or capable you are, or how good you are at handling problems, it’s all no use, and this isn’t the key point. So, what is the key point? It’s about whether someone’s heart loves the truth. It is not about listening to how they speak, but looking at how they act. God does not look at what you say or promise before Him; He looks at whether what you do has truth reality. Also, God does not care how high, profound, or mighty your actions are, and even if you do a small little thing, if God sees sincerity in your every move, He shall say, ‘This person sincerely believes in Me. They have never boasted. They conduct themselves according to their station. Although they may not have made a great contribution to God’s house and are of poor caliber, they are steadfast and have sincerity in all they do.’ What does this ‘sincerity’ contain? It contains fear and submission to God, as well as true faith and love; it contains everything God wants to see. Such people may seem unremarkable to others, and they could well be a person who makes food or does the cleaning up, someone who performs an ordinary duty. Such people are unremarkable to others, haven’t achieved anything great, and have nothing estimable, admirable or enviable about them—they are just ordinary people. And yet, all that God requires is found in them and lived out in them, and they give it all to God. Tell Me, what more does God want? He is satisfied with them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I used to place great importance on whether a person had caliber and gifts, believing that only those with good caliber could be greatly used in God’s house. When I was repeatedly revealed as lacking caliber and unable to see things clearly, I became negative and delimited myself, unable to even perform the tasks I was capable of. After reading God’s words, I understood that believers should not focus on their level of caliber, or whether they have eloquence or sharp minds—these are not what God values. God cares about a person’s heart and whether they have a sincere heart toward God and the church’s work. The caliber and eloquence God gave me do not determine whether I can do my duties well. If I am eloquent and capable but shirk my responsibilities and act dishonestly in my actual practice, then no matter how good my caliber is, I am someone God detests. While caliber can assist people in doing their duties well, what is more important is a person’s attitude toward the truth and their duties, whether they have a proactive and truth-loving heart, whether they can seek the truth when they fail and are revealed, learn from their experiences, and pursue growth in their life—these are what God values. In the past, some people with gifts and calibers also served as church leaders, but many did not do their duties properly. After some time, they coveted comfort and easiness, did not do actual work, or fought for fame and benefits, disrupting the church’s work, and were eventually eliminated. However, some people appeared unremarkable, without gifts, with average caliber, yet they did their duties in a grounded way, seeking principles in everything, and they made progress in doing their duties without being replaced or eliminated. This shows that God is righteous, and that He does not pass verdict on a person based on their calibers but values whether they pursue and practice the truth and whether they can accomplish every work in a grounded manner and responsibly. Understanding this, I told myself in my heart that from now on, I needed to focus my mind on my duties and work conscientiously, and that as long as the work was assigned to me, I should do it earnestly and responsibly, putting in as much effort as I could, and be a down-to-earth and reliable person who attends to their proper work.

I then began to focus on learning lessons from each failure, changing my mindset when it came to each time that I was revealed. Previously, whenever I encountered failure or pruning, I would think, “Oh, the leader must have seen through me,” or “Everyone must think I lack caliber.” When I sank in this, I would become very despondent. Later, I began to ponder why I was being revealed, what problems I could discover about myself and what deficiencies I could make up for. With this new mindset, I focused more on the right matters in my heart. Later, for a period of time, I encountered pruning successively, sometimes for low efficiency in doing things, sometimes for not grasping the principles in handling tasks, and sometimes for having a one-sided perspective for a particular matter and lacking correct understanding. So, I reflected on my problems, and sought methods to improve work efficiency if they were related to my skills, and if it was an issue of understanding, I would ponder over my own problems, examining what was wrong with my understanding, and then seek from brothers and sisters who understood the truth and had experience. When I pondered this way, my attitude toward pruning improved. Although now I still occasionally feel despondent, I no longer get stuck in it, and every day, my mind is no longer so burdened while I do my duties, and I can normally experience the circumstances I face.

Reflecting on this period of time, when I was trapped in negativity and wallowing in misery and tiredness, if it weren’t for the guidance of God’s words, I couldn’t have left that negative emotion behind, and would have continued to degenerate, distancing myself from God, and even losing my current duties. From my heart, I thank God, for at my weakest moments, He sent me reminders through the people around me, and guided me using His words, helping me to leave that emotion behind. From now on, I just want to settle down and do my duties to the best of my abilities.