By Chenxiao, China

In the second half of 2006, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. By attending gatherings and reading God’s words, I came to understand that humans were created by God, and that our breath of life comes from Him. I also realized that marriage and family are preordained by God, so I became willing to accept my unsatisfying marriage and freed myself from the pain. Later, I began doing my duties within the church as best I could, and my life became much more fulfilling. At first, my husband knew I believed in God, but he didn’t persecute me and said everyone has their own beliefs. Later, he saw the CCP slandering and smearing The Church of Almighty God online, and he began to stand in the way of my faith.

In the second half of 2009, after I returned home from a gathering, I saw my grandpa, uncle, and aunt at my home. From their expressions, I knew they were there because of my belief in God. My eldest uncle accused me, “Don’t you know that believing in God is forbidden by the government and that you could get arrested? If you get arrested, sentenced to prison, and tortured, you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself!” The other relatives chimed in, agreeing with him. My uncle then threatened me, “You just won’t listen to us, will you? Fine! If we can’t stop you, we’ll let the law deal with you! We’ll have you taken to the police station!” Seeing them persecuting me like that and threatening to send me to the police station, I was really worried. I thought, “What if they really send me to jail? My son is still so young—who would take care of him? If the police came and my neighbors saw it, would they think I’d gone crazy because I believe in God? Maybe I should just say to my relatives that I won’t believe anymore to get them to just hurry up and leave.” So, I said I wouldn’t believe anymore. Once I said that, they stopped pressing me. At that moment, I regretted saying that to them. But when I thought of how hard the path of faith is, and about the persecution and insults I was facing from my family, I felt weak inside. So I prayed to God, asking Him to give me strength and faith to keep going. Later, I read God’s words: “There is not one person among you who is protected by the law—you are, instead, sanctioned by the law. Even more problematic is that people do not understand you: Be it your relatives, your parents, your friends, or your colleagues, none of them understand you. When you are abandoned by God, it is impossible for you to continue living on earth, but even so, people cannot bear to be away from God, which is the significance of God’s conquest of people, and is the glory of God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Is the Work of God As Simple As Man Imagines?). God’s words deeply moved me, and tears streamed down my face. I felt that God was right by my side, comforting me. God wasn’t looking at my weakness and foolishness, and He knows that our belief in Him is sanctioned by the law, and misunderstood by our family, and we will suffer these things. God truly understands us. After reading God’s words, I regained my faith, and I resolved that no matter what happened, I would never deny or betray God, and that I’d follow God wholeheartedly and do my duty. But my husband still persecuted me.

In March 2013, one night at around 9 p.m., I returned home after preaching the gospel. When my husband saw me come back, he said he was going out to buy cigarettes. Unexpectedly, he brought back four police officers. The lead officer interrogated me about where I had been recently, but I said nothing. They charged me with “participating in a cult organization and disrupting law enforcement,” and handcuffed me. They then took me to the police station. In the interrogation room, they started questioning me about my belief in God. When they couldn’t get the information they wanted from me, they tried sweet-talking me, “Where does your son go to school? How are his grades? The government opposes your faith, so if you keep on with this faith of yours, you’ll ruin your son’s future!” Hearing the officers’ words, I thought to myself, “Satan knows my biggest concern is my son, so it’s using my son’s future to threaten me. It wants me to deny and betray God. I cannot fall into Satan’s trap!” I warned myself inwardly, “I absolutely mustn’t fall into their trap.” Seeing that I was unmoved, the police brought my closest aunt to try and persuade me. Seeing my aunt siding with the police, I was filled with anger. I thought, “Haven’t we read God’s words together before? You know that believers aren’t like the police claim they are. Now that I’ve been arrested, not only are you refusing to speak up for what’s right, but you’re even taking their side!” I angrily told her to leave before she could finish speaking. Later, the police talked with my husband outside for a few minutes, and then they forced me into a police car.

At around 10 p.m., they sent me to a mental hospital. As soon as I got out of the car, two policemen in their thirties grabbed me by the arms, forced me into the hospital office, and handed me over to the director. They didn’t say anything to me or give me an examination, and they just tied both my hands with a rope, and shoved me into a room with an iron door. I felt like I’d been thrown into a cage, and that I was wholly at their mercy. I didn’t know what they would do to me. I felt nervous and afraid, so I silently prayed to God, asking Him to guide me. As soon as I entered the room, a foul smell hit me, making me feel nauseous and want to vomit. I thought, “How could anyone live in a place like this?” They brought me into a room where female psychiatric patients were kept, and then two people aggressively tied me to a bed, with my wrists tied to the corners of the bed’s headboard, and my legs tied together at the other end. Six or seven patients stood around the bed, staring at me, some with messy hair and others with a vacant daze. I thought to myself, “Isn’t this a place for the insane? What am I to do here?” Before I could think further, the director picked up a syringe and got ready to inject me. Seeing the red liquid in the syringe, I was filled with fear, and I had no idea what kind of medicine they were injecting me with. Would it make me lose my mind? I said, “I’m not sick; I’m not crazy. Why are you giving me an injection?” I tried to struggle, but I couldn’t move because I was tied down. The director forcibly injected me in the buttocks and yelled, “Shut up! If you’re not crazy, then what are you?” I thought of the methods the CCP uses to devastate God’s chosen people. Some are even injected with drugs to cause mental breakdowns so they can’t believe in God. I felt really nervous and afraid. Would this injection make me lose my mind? If I went mad, I wouldn’t be able to believe in God. In my helplessness, I couldn’t help but cry uncontrollably. I silently prayed to God in my heart, “God, I feel so weak right now. I don’t know what kind of injection they’re giving me, and I’m afraid of going mad. Please protect me.” After praying, I realized that whether I would go mad or not was in God’s hands, and my heart felt a little calmer. At around 1 a.m., a nurse finally loosened my restraints, and I drifted off into a foggy sleep.

I woke up around 5 a.m. the next morning, and I saw several patients gathered around my bed. One of them reached out, trying to pinch my ear. The sight of this filled me with terror, so I quickly pulled the blanket up over my head and curled up tightly. Goosebumps ran across my scalp, and I thought to myself, “I used to avoid mentally ill people on the street, but now I’m living with them. How am I supposed to get through this? I have no idea how long I’ll be stuck in this hellish place.” So I prayed to God. I thought of Daniel, who was thrown into the lions’ den. He prayed to God, and God was with him. The lions didn’t dare to harm him but instead kept him company. In the end, Daniel came out of the lions’ den completely unharmed. He prayed to God and saw God’s deeds. I too had to pray to and rely on God to experience this situation. With that thought, I didn’t feel as afraid. After breakfast, I heard the male nurse call us for medicine and my heart began to race again, “I’m not sick—will their medicine make me go mad or dull my mind? Will I end up utterly disgracing myself like one of those lunatics on the streets?” I saw them forcibly medicating a little girl of about twelve or thirteen, and I was utterly terrified. I quickly hid in the last room, but the male nurse still came and told me to take the medicine. He said to me harshly, “Now that you’re in here, you’ll be treated as a patient whether you’re sick or not!” I still refused to go take the medicine. After a while, someone came with a rope, ready to tie me up, and threatened me, “So, you won’t take your medicine? If you don’t, we’ll tie you up and force it down your throat! So, are you going to take your medicine willingly or not?” Feeling helpless and powerless, I prayed to God. I remembered God’s words: “Return now into the presence of Almighty God as often as you can. Ask Him for everything. He will surely enlighten you within and, at crucial moments, He will protect you. Have no fear! He already possesses your whole being. With His protection and His care, what is there for you to fear? … Heaven can change in an instant, but what is there for you to fear? With the slightest motion of His hand, heaven and earth are immediately annihilated. So what can man gain by fretting? Is not all in the hands of God?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 42). God’s words gave me faith and strength. Isn’t everything in God’s hands? My life is also in God’s hands, and whether I’d go insane after taking this medicine was also up to God, and without God’s permission, I wouldn’t become mentally sick. Thinking of this, my heart calmed down. The male nurse handed me six or seven pills, and I took them reluctantly. Later, the male nurse told us to line up for medication again, and I wanted to throw the pills away when they weren’t paying attention. However, they watched us very closely. One person handed out the medicine, and another supervised us taking it. One patient didn’t take the medicine as they ordered, and they hit her over the head with a large bunch of keys, and then they viciously punched and kicked her. I knew that if I didn’t do as they said, I’d either be force-fed or beaten. I felt helpless and had no choice but to take the medicine. I thought about how I was only believing in and following God, yet the police had sent me to a mental hospital, where, even though I wasn’t crazy, they treated me like a madwoman, torturing me with injections and medicine. These people were truly vicious! I had to take medicine twice a day, every day. I felt terrible, and I had no idea what would happen to me after taking so much medicine. When I felt lonely and helpless, I remembered some hymns I had learned before and found myself humming them. I sang, “Though the path to loving God is rife with obstacles, I will gain faith by acting based on God’s words. However great the tribulations, I will be loyal unto death, and I will love God and testify to Him forever!” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, God Has Been With Us to This Very Day). “God’s words have great authority. They lead us in overcoming adversity, and guide and protect us at every moment, making us feel God’s kindness and loveliness even more strongly. Our faith is perfected in adversity, and we come to see God’s wisdom and almightiness. No matter what trials befall us, our God-loving hearts will never change” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, God’s Words Have Conquered Our Hearts). The more I sang, the more strength I felt inside, and I had the faith I needed to experience this situation. Although I was in a mental hospital, under their control, deprived of freedom, and I was being forced to take medicine every day and tortured with drugs, I still felt that God hadn’t forsaken me. No matter what would come next, I would rely on God to experience it, and I would never leave or betray God.

A month later, I started suffering from severe insomnia. I couldn’t sleep day or night, I was irritable, and restless, and I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest. During the day, I’d sit for a few minutes and then feel the urge to stand up and walk, but after walking about for a few minutes, I’d want to sit down again. At night it was the same; after a few minutes of sleep, I’d want to get up again, and while everyone else was asleep, I was alone pacing the hallway outside the room. I could barely breathe, my mind felt foggy, and I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. When I saw insane patients not sleeping day or night and constantly shouting when they were having an episode, I thought to myself, “Am I unable to sleep because I’m going insane? If I really do go insane, I won’t be able to believe in God anymore, and then what would be the point in going on living? Maybe I should just die; at least then I wouldn’t have to suffer this torture anymore.” In my pain, I came before God and poured out my heart to Him, “God, I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown, and my heart is in great pain. Please protect my heart, for I cannot leave You.” After I prayed, I recalled some of God’s words: “If you cannot bear testimony before Satan, Satan will laugh at you, it will treat you as a joke, as a plaything, it will often make a fool of you and drive you insane” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). If I chose to die because I couldn’t bear such mental torture, and I lost faith in God, then Satan’s scheme would succeed. Satan longed for me to become negative, weak, and distant from God, but I couldn’t fall for Satan’s tricks or schemes. Whether I would really go mad or not, I couldn’t seek death. I had to live on properly and believe that everything is in God’s hands. Gradually, I was able to sleep and no longer felt restless.

As the days passed, no one told me how long I would stay here. I lived every day among these mad people, and it felt like time was moving at a snail’s pace. When the sun rose, I’d just want the night to come, and when night fell, I’d just want the morning to come. Deep in the night, I would think about when I gathered and did my duties with my brothers and sisters. Sometimes, I even dreamed about being with my brothers and sisters, but on waking up, I’d see that I was still locked in the mental hospital, and I’d wish that I hadn’t woken from those dreams. One day, the director was walking in the yard, and I asked him, “When can I leave?” The director said harshly, “Who told you to believe in God! You believe in God, and that’s something the government is against. You’ve gone mad!” I didn’t respond to him directly. I just wanted to know how long I’d be locked up, so I asked again. The director angrily pointed at me and threatened, “If you ask that again, I’ll lock you up for two years!” Hearing him say I’d gone mad and that he’d lock me up for two years made me even more upset. I didn’t want to stay there for another day, so how would I be able to endure two years? If things carried on like this, even if I didn’t go mad, they’d torture me to the point of mindlessness, and I wouldn’t be able to believe in God anymore. Then wouldn’t that be the end of me? I was in despair, so I called out to God, telling Him about my state and difficulties. Later, I thought of the prophet Jeremiah delivering God’s will. Didn’t the king say he had gone mad? Didn’t people say Noah had gone mad when he built the ark? And many other sincere believers and worshipers of God, didn’t the devils say they’d gone mad for believing in God? Only the devils would speak such devilish words! I then thought about Noah, who, after hearing God’s word, spent over 100 years building the ark, enduring the world’s slander and ridicule. But Noah never complained, nor was he influenced by the people of the world, and he finished building the ark as God commanded and completed God’s commission. But when I heard the director say that I’d gone mad and that he’d lock me up for two years, I became negative and distressed. Was I not being utterly weak and falling into Satan’s trap? Thinking of these things, I didn’t feel so bad anymore, and I stopped thinking about escaping this situation. No matter how long they kept me locked up or what happened to me, I would submit and experience this situation without complaining.

Three months later, my husband came to me and said, “The police said that as long as you sign a statement saying you don’t believe in God, you can leave anytime.” He then asked me, “Are you going to come out and work with me or keep believing in God?” I followed his lead and said, “I’ll come out and work with you.” But I was afraid they would force me to sign a statement of renouncing God, and that if I signed it and betrayed God, I would carry a permanent stain and be spurned by God. No matter what, I couldn’t sign this statement. But I really wanted to leave this hellish place, so I prayed to God, “God, my husband is forcing me to sign a statement, and I don’t want to betray You. But I am weak and powerless, and I really want to leave this hellish place. I’m really worried they’ll keep me locked up. God, I believe that everything is in Your hands, and that whether I can go out or not is also in Your hands. I am willing to look up to You and rely on You, and I pray that You lead me and make a way out for me.” During that time, I brought this matter before God in prayer every day. A few days later, while I was eating, the director suddenly said to me, “Pack your things and go home.” He didn’t ask me to sign the statement. I felt very happy, and I knew that God had heard my prayer. God knew that I was too small in stature and had mercy upon me, and He opened up a way out for me, and I kept thanking God in my heart!

After I got out of the mental hospital, my husband, afraid I would believe in God again, sent me to my parents’ house, and he had my mother and brother keep an eye on me. When he saw they couldn’t stop me, my husband forced me to go work with him out of town, and because I refused to go with him, he got angry, saying, “You don’t want to come with me because you want to find other believers, right? Has the medication left your system? One of these days I’ll send you back to the mental hospital and make you a real madwoman!” Hearing my husband say this, I felt utterly hopeless and miserable. I never expected him to be so heartless as to actually say such things. I couldn’t help but think of God’s words. “Nowadays, those who seek and those who do not are two entirely different types of people, whose destinations are also very different. Those who pursue knowledge of the truth and practice the truth are the ones to whom God will bring salvation. Those who do not know the true way are demons and enemies; they are the descendants of the archangel and will be objects of destruction. Even those who are pious believers of a vague God—are they not also demons? People who possess good consciences but do not accept the true way are demons; their essence is one of resistance to God. Those who do not accept the true way are those who resist God, and even if such people endure many hardships, they will still be destroyed. All those who are unwilling to relinquish the world, who cannot bear to part with their parents, and who cannot bear to rid themselves of their own enjoyments of the flesh are rebellious against God, and all will be objects of destruction. Anyone who does not believe in God incarnate is demonic and, moreover, will be destroyed” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). My husband had believed the CCP’s baseless rumors and incited family members to attack and persecute me. He even teamed up with the police to send me to the mental hospital, treating me as a madwoman. He didn’t care whether I lived or died. Now he was forcing me to come and work with him, trying to make me distance myself from God and betray Him, otherwise, he’d send me back to the mental hospital and make me a real madwoman. My husband didn’t care about all our years of marriage and thought of any method he could to stop me from believing in God. His essence is one of hatred of God. He is a devil and an enemy of God. I’d been married to my husband for fourteen years, and before I found God, I worked myself to the bone, taking care of the family and the children, and earning money to support the family. Back then, my husband saw that I played a role in the family and took good care of me, but now that I’d found God, he was afraid I’d be arrested and become unable to earn money and support the family, and this involved his interests. So he used malicious methods time and again to try and persecute me, causing great harm to both my body and mind. It became clear to me that he never truly loved me, and that he was just using me. My husband believed the CCP’s devilish words and was following the CCP, while I believed in God and wanted to pursue the truth and do my duty. Our paths were completely different. We were completely different people, and even if we were living together, we shared no common language. I wanted to divorce him, but I also thought, “My son is still so young—what will happen to him if we get divorced and I leave? My husband won’t give me the house, so how will I live in the future? If we don’t divorce, he’ll just stop me from believing in God, so should I go work with him instead?” During that time, I prayed to God about this difficulty, “God, faced with this situation, I don’t know what path I am to take. Please guide me and give me the resolve to endure suffering.”

One day, I heard a hymn of God’s words: “Now is the time when My Spirit performs great work, and the time when I commence My work among the Gentile nations. More than that, it is the time when I classify all created beings, putting each one into their respective category, so that My work may proceed more swiftly and effectively. And so, what I ask of you is still that you offer up your whole being to all My work, and, furthermore, that you clearly discern and make certain of all the work I have done in you, and put all your strength into My work so it can become more effective. This is what you must understand. Desist from fighting amongst yourselves, looking for a way back, or seeking fleshly comforts, which would delay My work, and delay your wonderful future. Far from protecting you, doing so would bring destruction upon you. Wouldn’t this be foolish of you? That which you greedily enjoy today is the very thing that is ruining your future, whereas the pain you suffer today is the very thing that is protecting you. You must be clearly aware of these things, so as to avoid falling prey to temptations from which you will be hard put to extricate yourself, and to evade blundering into the dense fog and being unable to find the sun. When the dense fog clears, you will find yourself amid the judgment of the great day” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Work of Spreading the Gospel Is Also the Work of Saving Man). God’s words inspired me and gave me courage and a path of practice. I couldn’t go with my husband to work in another place just because I worried about my son and coveted physical comfort, because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to gather or do my duty, and I would drift away from God and lose the opportunity to be saved. If I did that, I would regret it later. I thought about how everyone’s fate is within God’s sovereignty, and about how my son’s fate is too. The life he’ll live and the suffering he’ll face have already been preordained by God, and my worries and concerns were unnecessary. Even if I were by his side, I wouldn’t be able to help him when he was suffering. I also thought about how the future of my life was in God’s hands. Thinking of this, I had the faith to face this situation.

By February 2014, I’d begun doing my duty in the church again. One day, my husband asked me to go on a trip with him, but I refused, and he said, “If you don’t come with me, this house won’t be yours anymore, and the woman in the car won’t be you either.” He meant to divorce me. I was both heartbroken and furious, and I knew that it was time for me to make a choice. But when I thought about giving everything in our home to him, I just couldn’t bear it, so I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me. Just then, God’s latest words were released. I read these words of God: “If you wish to believe in God, and if you wish to gain God and gain His satisfaction, then unless you endure a certain degree of pain and put in a certain amount of effort, you will not be able to achieve these things. You have heard much preaching, but simply having heard it does not mean that this sermon is yours; you must absorb it and transform it into something that belongs to you. You must assimilate it into your life and bring it into your existence, allowing these words and preaching to guide the way you live and bring existential value and meaning to your life. When that happens, your hearing these words will have been worth it. If the words I speak do not bring about any upturn in your lives or add any value to your existences, then there is no point in your listening to them. You understand this, right? Having understood it, what happens next is up to you. You must get to work! You must be earnest in all things! Do not be at sixes and sevens; time is flying by! Most among you have already believed in God for more than a decade. Look back on these past ten years: How much have you gained? And how many decades do you have left to live in this lifetime? You do not have long. Forget about whether God’s work awaits you, whether He has left you a chance, or whether He will do the same work again—speak not of these things. Can you reverse the course of the past ten years of your life? With every day that passes, and with every step you take, you have one fewer day. Time waits for no one! You must treat believing in God as the most significant matter in your life, more important than even food, clothing, or anything else—in this way, you will reap results. If you only believe when you have the time, and are incapable of devoting your entire attention to your faith, and if you are always muddled in your faith, then you will gain nothing” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique X). From God’s words, I felt His urgent intention. God hopes that we can let go of fleshly pleasures, give our hearts to Him, and fulfill our duties as created beings. Only then does life have meaning. Thinking back, although I’d believed in God for many years, I hadn’t been able to attend gatherings or do my duties normally due to my husband’s persecution, and although I ate and drank God’s words, I was just going through the motions, and I wasn’t earnest in my faith. I never treated believing in God as the greatest thing in life, and I missed many opportunities to gain the truth. As I was still young, I had to cherish the precious time to pursue the truth and gain the truth. If I continued to seek to satisfy the flesh and believed in God in a muddled way as before, I would end up with nothing. I couldn’t carry on as I had, with my feet in two different boats, trying to maintain the family and the flesh while also wanting to gain the truth and salvation. I had to treat believing in God as the most important thing to pursue, as only by gaining the truth does life have meaning. One day, when I returned from a gathering, my husband asked me, “Are you going to keep believing in God? If so, get out of this house and never come back! And don’t even think you’ll get our son or the house!” When I heard my husband say that he wouldn’t give me my son or the house, it felt as though my flesh was being scraped off; it was so painful. I silently prayed to God, asking Him to guide me in experiencing this situation, so that I wouldn’t fall for Satan’s tricks. I calmly said to my husband, “If that’s how you feel, we should divorce and go our separate ways.” The next day, we went to the civil affairs bureau to handle the divorce procedures, and when I walked out of the civil affairs bureau, I felt truly liberated. I was finally free to believe in God and do my duties.

Later, I read more of God’s words. “Forefathers of the ancient? Beloved leaders? They all oppose God! Their meddling has left all beneath heaven in a state of darkness and chaos! Religious freedom? The legitimate rights and interests of citizens? They are all tricks for covering up sin! … Why put up such an impenetrable obstacle to the work of God? Why employ various tricks to deceive God’s folk? Where is the true freedom and the legitimate rights and interests? Where is the fairness? Where is the comfort? Where is the warmth? Why use deceitful schemes to trick God’s people? Why use force to suppress the coming of God? Why not allow God to freely roam upon the earth that He created? Why hound God until He has nowhere to rest His head?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). God’s exposure is spot on. The CCP is the demon that resists God. Heaven, earth, and all things were created by God, and it is God who has provided for and guided humanity to this day. But the CCP not only does not worship God, but regards Him as an enemy, obstructing people from believing in God, using all kinds of baseless rumors and devilish words to deceive and mislead the ignorant masses, so that they’ll go along with them in obstructing people’s faith and resisting God’s work. My husband believed the CCP’s rumors and devilish words and tried every possible means to persecute me for my faith. He joined with the CCP to send me to a mental hospital, where they used drugs to torture me, hoping I would completely give up my faith and deviate from the true way. However, the CCP’s plot not only failed, but instead allowed me to clearly see its ugly face and wicked essence of resisting God and being God’s enemy, and I was able to hate and curse it from the bottom of my heart. At the same time, by experiencing these painful situations, my faith in God increased.

Thinking back to how when I was in pain and weakness, I prayed to God and God gave me faith, and His words guided me through those days of agony, I felt that God was always by my side, and that He never left me. Although I suffered some hardships as I experienced these situations, it was through these hardships that I came to clearly see the essence of my husband and the CCP, and I was no longer as confused, weak, and unable to distinguish right from wrong as before. The torture of these demons made my resolve to follow God even firmer, and I felt that suffering such pain was meaningful and that these were things I couldn’t have obtained in a comfortable environment. Thank God!