By Sonia, South Korea

At the end of 2019, I was put in charge of video work for the church. I felt very stressed because this required skills I had never learned before. The pressure of facing this unfamiliar work felt like a huge weight on my chest. When I followed up on the work, the group leaders often discussed technical issues, and I just sat there only half-understanding what they were talking about. When there was something they disagreed on, they would ask for my views and suggestions and this made me very nervous, because I couldn’t tell what the problem was. Sometimes I offered some suggestions based on instinct, but they weren’t adopted. I felt ashamed whenever this happened. I was a church leader, so what would the brothers and sisters think of me if I couldn’t see these problems or suggest any ways to fix them? After this kind of thing happened a few times, I didn’t want to take part in work discussions. I thought, “I don’t really understand these kinds of technical problems, and it’s too late to learn now. They’re the ones who make the videos, so I’ll let them put the effort in to discuss that part of the work. I can’t guide them in this area, but I can help them more in their life entry. If their states are normal and they can handle the technical aspects, haven’t I still fulfilled my duty? This way, I won’t embarrass myself in front of them.” With these ideas in mind, I let them discuss the work, but I didn’t take part.

After a while, I found that video production was progressing very slowly, some problems of principle had also emerged, and the brothers and sisters weren’t working together harmoniously. Several sisters reported the group leader, Sister Sarah, to me, one after another, saying she was overbearing and forced others to listen to her in some work discussions, which meant the videos had to keep being redone. I thought, “Sarah has good caliber. Although her disposition is a bit arrogant, she is quite skilled. It’s normal for people with a bit of talent to be arrogant, I just need to fellowship with her.” So I drew upon God’s word and fellowshipped with her on how to cooperate with others and the lessons she should learn. Sarah expressed her willingness to accept my words and change. However, not long after that, Sister Elsie came to me and said that she had spent time and effort making a video, but Sarah had taken one look and rejected it entirely, giving her no room to negotiate. Elsie was very upset and asked me how she should get through this. I thought, “Is there really something wrong with the video made by Elsie, or is Sarah relying on her arrogant disposition to handle things?” I wanted Elsie to tell me the situation in detail, so I could know exactly what the problem was, but then I remembered that I wasn’t familiar with that part of the work. If she told me and I couldn’t understand the problem, what would she think of me? “Forget it,” I thought, “I’ll let them discuss these issues amongst themselves. It should be fine if I just fellowship with Elsie about her state and tell her to experience this as being pruned. If she can approach this matter correctly, that’ll solve her problem working with Sarah.” So, I fellowshipped with Elsie, telling her to accept other people’s advice, to not be constrained by pride, to first practice the truth and to proactively cooperate with others. Elsie was still frowning after she heard this, and left frustrated. I was also very upset, because I knew her problem hadn’t really been resolved. I’d wanted to see what the issue was with Elsie’s video, but I was worried I wouldn’t be able to figure it out and would seem incompetent. I thought, “Forget it, I’ll just let them talk this problem out amongst themselves.” Then, I went to fellowship with Sarah to resolve her state. I pointed out that her disposition was arrogant, and I told her to work in harmony with others and that they should learn from one another’s strengths, and that even when she had good suggestions, she should discuss them with the others. Sarah promised to focus on changing, but afterward, she was still very arrogant and always felt her opinions were better than others’. She felt that she was skilled and experienced and that the others were inferior to her, and always wanted to have the final say when she worked with them. If the brothers and sisters agreed on a production plan that was different from what she wanted, she’d reject it and demand it be remade according to her requirements. If the others felt her plan was unsuitable and offered advice, she’d never accept it, and would dismiss their advice as useless. The brothers and sisters couldn’t communicate with her, and often had to redo their work. Everyone’s states kept getting worse and worse and they were living in negativity. Seeing that Sarah was arrogant, self-righteous, and a law unto herself, and that she was seriously affecting the progress of work, I felt very unsettled, but I couldn’t get a grasp on these technical issues. At the time, I had a vague sense that Sarah didn’t accept the truth and hadn’t repented and changed, and perhaps she wasn’t fit to do this duty anymore. But then I thought that she was better than others at this, and I wondered if she were dismissed, whether anyone else would be able to take over the job. I felt uncertain, and I wanted to report it to the upper-level leaders, but I worried that if they saw the mess I had made of our work, they might prune me and dismiss me. After struggling with myself, I decided to fellowship with Sarah again. So, I went to her and pointed out her arrogant disposition, exposed her for always being such a tyrant and for wanting the final say, and told her that she was walking the path of an antichrist. She didn’t say a word after hearing this, but it was clear that she was resistant. After that, she still did things her own way, and often showed off and belittled others. Most of the brothers and sisters felt constrained and didn’t want to work with her. Because of her disturbance and disruption, the video work was delayed, and in the end, I had no choice but to report the issue to the upper-level leaders. After their investigation, Sarah was dismissed from her post as group leader, and I was dismissed for not doing real work or solving real problems.

After my dismissal, I only admitted that my caliber was poor, that I didn’t understand that area of work, and that I couldn’t do real work. I had no real understanding of my own problems. Later, when I read God’s fellowship on discerning the different manifestations of false leaders, I started to reflect and understand exactly what I had done. Almighty God says: “False leaders are good at superficial work, but they never do real work. They do not go and inspect, supervise, or guide the various professional work, or find out what’s going on in different teams in a timely manner, inspecting how the work is progressing, what problems there are, whether the team supervisors are competent at their job, and how the brothers and sisters report back about or appraise the supervisors. They do not check to see whether anyone is being constrained by the team leaders or supervisors, whether correct suggestions that people make are being adopted, whether anyone who is talented or pursues the truth is being suppressed or excluded, whether any guileless people are being bullied, whether people who expose and report false leaders are being attacked, retaliated against, cleared out, or expelled, whether the team leaders or supervisors are evil people, and whether anyone is being tormented. If false leaders don’t do any of this concrete work, they should be dismissed. Say, for example, someone reports to a false leader that there is a supervisor who often constrains and suppresses people. The supervisor has done some things wrong but they won’t let the brothers and sisters provide any suggestions, and they even look for excuses to vindicate and defend themselves, never admitting to their mistakes. Should such a supervisor not be promptly dismissed? These are problems that leaders should fix in a timely manner. Some false leaders do not allow supervisors that they have appointed to be exposed, no matter what issues have arisen in their work, and they certainly don’t allow them to be reported to the higher-ups—they even tell people to learn to submit. If someone does expose the issues with a supervisor, these false leaders try to shield them or cover up the true facts, saying, ‘This is a problem with the supervisor’s life entry. It is normal for them to have an arrogant disposition—everyone who has a bit of caliber is arrogant. It’s no big deal, I just need to fellowship with them a little.’ Through the fellowship, the supervisor expresses their stance, saying, ‘I admit I am arrogant. I admit there are times when I am concerned with my own vanity, pride, and status, and don’t accept other people’s suggestions. But other people aren’t good at this profession, they often come up with worthless suggestions, so there is a reason why I don’t listen to them.’ False leaders do not try to thoroughly understand the situation, they do not look at the results of the supervisor’s work, much less what their humanity, disposition, and pursuit are like. All they do is understate things, saying, ‘This was reported to me so I’m keeping an eye on you. I’m giving you another chance.’ After their talk, the supervisor says that they are willing to repent, but as for whether they really do subsequently repent, or just lie and deceive, false leaders pay this no heed” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (3)). “False leaders perform work in an incredibly monotonous and superficial way: They pull people in for chats, do a little psychological work, exhort people a little, and think that this is doing real work. This is superficial, is it not? And what issue is hidden behind this superficiality? Is it not naivety? False leaders are extremely naive, and they also view people and things in an incredibly naive way. Nothing is harder to resolve than people’s corrupt dispositions—a leopard can’t change its spots. False leaders cannot see through to this problem at all. Therefore, when it comes to the kind of supervisors in the church who are constantly causing disturbances, who always constrain and torment people, false leaders do nothing but talk to them, and prune them with a couple of words, and that’s it. They do not promptly dismiss and reassign them. This approach of false leaders causes tremendous harm to the work of the church, and often leads to the church work being held up, delayed, damaged, and prevented from progressing normally, smoothly, and efficiently because of the disturbances of some evil people—which is all a grievous consequence of false leaders acting based on their feelings, violating the truth principles, and using the wrong people. By outward appearances, false leaders are not deliberately committing myriad evils, or doing things their own way and establishing their own independent kingdoms, like antichrists do. But false leaders are not able to promptly resolve the various problems that arise in the church’s work, and when problems occur with supervisors of various teams, and when those supervisors are unable to shoulder their work, false leaders are not able to promptly alter their duties or dismiss them, bringing serious losses to the church work. And this is all caused by the false leaders’ dereliction of duty” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (3)). When I read these words of God, I felt especially sad and heartbroken. I felt that the false leader God was describing was me. God reveals that false leaders do not do actual work, never inspect, supervise, or direct work, and never try to understand actual problems first-hand or follow up on specific jobs. When someone reports a problem with a supervisor, they never do a thorough investigation or discern the supervisor’s essence and the effects of their work. All they’ll do is fellowship with them and do a little ideological work and think that will solve the problem. This means that they don’t transfer inappropriate supervisors promptly, which causes serious harm to the work. My behavior was precisely what God revealed. I rarely got involved in the work, and I didn’t often inquire about how it was progressing or offer guidance. I knew that the video production was slow, and people had reported that Sarah was arrogant, insisted on having her way and that this affected the work, yet all I’d done was fellowship on her state. I hadn’t investigated disputes they’d had about the video production process or what the source of the problem was, I’d only fellowshipped that they should know their corrupt dispositions and learn lessons. I thought of fellowship and doing ideological work as a way of solving problems and doing real work, and I didn’t ask about or solve the real problems that were hindering the work’s progress. I hadn’t transferred or handled the group leader who was disrupting and disturbing things, I just let her continue to impede the video work. Was I not the false leader revealed in God’s word? During that time, more than one person had told me that they were constrained by Sarah. All the videos had to be approved by her, and if others made decisions without her, she would reject them. No matter what they were discussing, the brothers and sisters had to wait for her input, which greatly delayed the work. In fact, she already held the power in the group and had the final say. The others constantly reported problems with her, but I was blind and ignorant and rarely had a deep understanding of the work, so I only looked at the surface of these problems and couldn’t discern Sarah’s very serious issues. I still thought that she was skilled, but that her disposition was just a bit arrogant, and with a little fellowship, she could reflect on herself and gain some self-knowledge. Because I couldn’t see the nature of what she was doing clearly, no matter how much I fellowshipped, I was just spouting words and doctrines, and not solving the actual problem at all. As a result, for half a year, many people were constrained by her, felt negative and weak, production was ineffective, and the video work was seriously hindered and disturbed. Only then did I see clearly that massive harm had been done to the work because I hadn’t done real work or transferred the inappropriate group leader in time. I was a veritable false leader. At first, I’d thought that I had failed at my work just because my caliber was poor and I didn’t understand that area of work. Only after checking myself against God’s word did I see that I hadn’t even tried to understand the issues first-hand or to resolve actual problems. This wasn’t just a matter of poor caliber, it was an issue of not doing actual work.

I continued to reflect on myself, “Why am I reluctant to learn more about this work?” Recalling some of my thoughts and behaviors from before, only then did I realize that deep down I had always held a fallacious view. I felt that I didn’t understand that area of work, so I wanted to avoid issues involving it, and I didn’t want to investigate it or study it. I feared that if I discussed these problems with people who did understand, I’d reveal how ignorant I was. So even if the work was something I was supposed to take responsibility for, I’d still want to ignore it. Later, I read in God’s word: “The chief characteristic of the work of false leaders is blathering on about doctrine and parroting slogans. After issuing their orders, they simply wash their hands of the matter. They don’t ask questions about the project’s subsequent development; they do not ask whether any problems, deviations, or difficulties have arisen. They consider their job finished as soon as they assign the work. In fact, as a leader, after completing work arrangements, you must keep track of the work’s progress. Even if you aren’t familiar with that field of work—even if you lack any knowledge of it—you can find a way to do your work. You can find someone who is knowledgeable, who understands the work in question, to check things over and make suggestions. From their suggestions you can identify the appropriate principles, and thus you will be able to keep track of the work. Whether or not you are familiar with or understand the type of work in question, at the very least you must preside over it, follow up on it, and continuously make inquiries and ask questions about its progress. You must maintain a grasp of such matters; this is your responsibility, it is part of your job. Not keeping track of the work, not doing anything more once it has been assigned—washing your hands of it—is the way false leaders do things. Not following up or providing guidance on the work, not inquiring about or resolving issues that arise, and not grasping the progress or efficiency of the work—these are also manifestations of false leaders” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (4)). From God’s word, I understood that not following up on specific jobs on the grounds that I didn’t understand those areas and not solving real problems that existed in the work is a manifestation of a false leader who is irresponsible and shirks their obligations. As a leader, the least you should do is preside over and follow up on work, ask about its progress, and find and solve problems within it. Even if you don’t understand an area well, you can ask those who do to make checks and give suggestions, and work with them to make up for your shortcomings. You can still do a good job that way. But I’d tried to avoid anything involving technical work and didn’t take part in specific jobs on the basis that I didn’t understand them. I did this to cover up my shortcomings and deficiencies and to maintain my image and status and because I feared that I’d be looked down upon by my brothers and sisters if I wasn’t able to guide them. When there were problems in production, when the brothers and sisters disagreed about something, couldn’t cooperate, and the progress slowed, rather than actually resolving things, I took a hands-off approach. Wasn’t I precisely the false leader revealed in God’s word? In fact, all of the church’s work involves the truth principles, so simply mastering specialized knowledge isn’t enough to do a job well. As a leader, even if you don’t understand an area of work, you should know the relevant truth principles so you can guide it and check on it. Some leaders don’t understand an area of work at first, but they study hard and master the relevant truth principles, after which they can actually guide it and check on it, and the work keeps improving. I asked myself, “I always said I didn’t understand this area of work, but did I ever try hard to study it? Did I put in the effort or pay a price? When I didn’t know how to check things, did I seek the truth principles?” I’d done none of these things. I was slippery in my duty, didn’t try to make progress, and when I didn’t understand things I didn’t try to learn from others, much less seek the truth principles. I used my unfamiliarity with that area of work as an excuse to protect my name and status, which meant that many real problems and difficulties that arose as the others did their duties couldn’t be solved promptly, and this seriously impacted the results of the video work. These were the consequences of my parroting slogans and not doing real work or solving real problems.

Afterward, I also read in God’s word: “When God asks that people put aside fame, gain, and status, it is not that He is depriving people of the right to choose; rather, it is because, while pursuing fame, gain, and status, people disrupt and disturb the work of the church and the life entry of God’s chosen people, and can even have an influence on more people’s eating and drinking God’s words, understanding the truth, and thus achieving God’s salvation. This is an indisputable fact. When people pursue their own fame, gain, and status, it is certain that they will not pursue the truth and that they will not faithfully fulfill their duty. They will only speak and act for the sake of fame, gain, and status, and all the work they do, without the least exception, is for those things’ sake. To behave and act in such a way is, without question, to walk the path of antichrists; it is a disruption and disturbance of God’s work, and all its various consequences are hindering the spread of the kingdom gospel and the carrying out of God’s will within the church. So, one may say with certainty that the path walked by those who pursue fame, gain, and status is the path of resistance against God. It is intentional resistance against Him, naysaying Him—it is to cooperate with Satan in resisting God and standing in opposition to Him. This is the nature of people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. The problem with people pursuing their own interests is that the goals they pursue are the goals of Satan—they are goals that are wicked and unjust. When people pursue personal interests such as fame, gain, and status, they unwittingly become a tool of Satan, they become an outlet for Satan, and, moreover, they become an embodiment of Satan. They play a negative role in the church; toward the work of the church, and toward the normal church life and normal pursuit of God’s chosen people, the effect they have is to disturb and impair; they have an adverse and negative effect” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). As I contemplated God’s words, I saw that all I did in my duty was to maintain my image and status, and that I hadn’t been safeguarding the church’s work at all, which had brought harm to it. I had been acting as a servant of Satan, disrupting and hindering the work of the church. Because I feared others would look down on me if I didn’t understand an area of work, I didn’t take part in work discussions, nor did I follow up on specific jobs. When I saw that the group leader was a law unto herself and disrupting the work, and that I couldn’t resolve this, I feared the upper-level leaders would find out I couldn’t do real work and dismiss me, so I didn’t report this upward or seek a solution, and just looked on as the work of the church suffered. I was blatantly concealing the facts, deceiving those above and below me, and making people believe that the work I oversaw was problem-free and progressing normally, so that I could protect my leadership position. While I tried my best to protect my image and status, my brothers and sisters were constrained and had no way forward in their duty. They lived in pain and misery, suffered in terms of their life entry, and the work was severely hindered, but I didn’t care about any of this. Wasn’t this a manifestation of false leadership? As I reflected on these things, I felt a little afraid, remorseful and regretful. I hated myself for being so selfish and deceitful. My conscience had become so numb and senseless! Video work plays a key part in spreading the gospel. I performed such an important duty, yet I wasn’t considerate of God’s intentions, I maintained my image and status in everything, and I disrupted and disturbed the church’s work. The thought of how I had behaved in my duty and the harm I’d brought to the church’s work was as painful as a knife stuck in my heart. I felt so ashamed. Through tears of remorse, I prayed to God, “God, I was cunning and treacherous in my duty, I didn’t do real work and it is already too late to repair the damage I’ve done to the church’s work. I want to repent to You in my duty in the future, and I ask that You scrutinize me.”

Later, I found some paths of practice and entry in God’s word. Almighty God says: “How can you be people who are ordinary and normal? How can you, as God says, assume the proper place of a created being—how can you not try to be a superman, or some great figure? How should you practice to be an ordinary and normal person? How can this be done? … Firstly, don’t give yourself a title and become bound by it, saying, ‘I am the leader, I am the head of the team, I am the supervisor, no one knows this business better than me, no one understands the skills more than me.’ Don’t get caught up in your self-appointed title. As soon as you do, it will bind your hands and feet, and what you say and do will be affected. Your normal thinking and judgment will also be affected. You must free yourself from the constraints of this status. First, lower yourself from this official title and position and stand in the place of an ordinary person. If you do, your mentality will become somewhat normal. You must also admit and say, ‘I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t understand that, either—I’m going to have to do some research and studying,’ or ‘I’ve never experienced this, so I don’t know what to do.’ When you are capable of saying what you’re really thinking and speaking honestly, you will be possessed of normal reason. Others will know the real you, and will thus have a normal view of you, and you will not have to put on an act, nor will there be any great pressure on you, and so you will be able to communicate with people normally. Living like this is free and easy; anyone who finds living exhausting has caused this themselves. Don’t pretend or put up a front. First, open up about what you’re thinking in your heart, about your true thoughts, so that everyone is aware of them and understands them. As a result, your concerns and the barriers and suspicions between you and others will all be eliminated. You’re also hobbled by something else. You always consider yourself the head of the team, a leader, a worker, or someone with a title, status, and standing: If you say you don’t understand something, or can’t do something, are you not denigrating yourself? When you put aside these fetters in your heart, when you stop thinking of yourself as a leader or a worker, and when you stop thinking that you’re better than other people and feel that you are an ordinary person, the same as everyone else, and that there are some areas in which you are inferior to others—when you fellowship the truth and work-related matters with this attitude, the effect is different, as is the atmosphere. If, in your heart, you always have misgivings, if you always feel stressed and hobbled, and if you want to rid yourself of these things but can’t, then you should pray seriously to God, reflect on yourself, see your shortcomings, and strive toward the truth. If you can put the truth into practice, you will get results” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). After reading God’s words, my heart felt much brighter. I’d always put myself in the position of leader. I’d always wanted to pretend that I knew everything to make others look up to me, and I didn’t want others to see the real me. I believed that to be a leader, I had to be above others and capable of doing anything, but I was mistaken. The truth was, I wasn’t better than the others. My corrupt dispositions were the same as those of my brothers and sisters, and there were many things I couldn’t see clearly or understand. Being a leader was just a chance to practice. I should put my rank aside, be honest, open up about my real self with others, and work with everyone on an equal footing as we do our duties. If I don’t understand something, I should admit it and let those who do understand fellowship more. That way, not only can I solve work problems promptly, I can also make up for my own deficiencies. If there is an issue I can’t figure out or solve, I should report it upward quickly to avoid serious consequences from untimely handling.

Now, I have been chosen to act as a church leader again. I am very grateful, and I know that God has given me this opportunity so I can repent. I can’t make up for my past transgressions, so I want to do my best in the future when I’m performing my duty. I swore an oath to myself: “God, I’m willing to do all that I can and ought to in order to perform this duty well. If I rely on my corrupt disposition and become irresponsible in my duty again, I hope You will chasten and discipline me.” There are many tasks in my duty now that I don’t know much about. Sometimes, when brothers and sisters come to me to discuss work, I don’t understand some of it very well, and I still feel the desire to avoid it and to opt out of participating. But when I think about the lessons I’ve learned from my previous failures, I feel a little scared and I quickly pray to God. I ask Him to help me to be calm, to listen carefully, and work with my brothers and sisters to find ways to solve these problems. When I take on a burden and actually engage in these tasks, not only can I understand what the problem is, sometimes I can give some reasonable suggestions. When there are issues of principle involved that I can’t see clearly or solve, I report them to the upper-level leaders and seek help. This way the work isn’t delayed, and the problem is quickly resolved.