By An Ran, China

I was responsible for the watering work of several churches. I knew that being able to do this duty was God’s elevation and grace, and I wanted to do this duty well to repay God’s love. However, because I carried no burden, I delayed the work. I then did not reflect on myself and lied to protect my reputation and status. In light of the facts, I saw that I was deceitful and not a trustworthy person.

The environment was awful a while ago, and many brothers and sisters were arrested. The upper leader wrote to me, urging me to fellowship more on the truth of visions to newcomers so that they could understand God’s work and stand firm in this terrible environment. On receiving this letter, I immediately fellowshipped with waterers on implementation, but I didn’t follow up on the details of this work later on. I thought that since I had fellowshipped with the waterers, they would fellowship with the newcomers, and also, that because nobody from the churches I was responsible for had been arrested yet, there shouldn’t be any major problems. But unexpectedly, shortly after this, the three churches I was responsible for were hit with large-scale arrests. The leader wrote to me again, asking how many newcomers in each church were attending gatherings regularly, how many were not gathering regularly due to the terrible environment, how many newcomers had been arrested, and how many had nobody to water them, and that I reply with these details promptly. Receiving this letter made me realize, “Even though I implemented this task, I didn’t follow up on it in detail. I have no idea about the details the leader is asking for, how am I supposed to reply? What will he think of me if I tell him the truth? Will he say that I don’t do real work? How could I even show my face if he prunes me? No, I can’t tell the truth.” I sat at my computer, thinking through my options, not knowing how to respond, until I finally hit upon an idea. I wrote to the leader saying, “The watering of newcomers on the truth of visions has been implemented and is being followed up on.” After this, I rushed to follow up on the work, thinking, “When the leader asks again, I will give him a report on the situation I have just followed up on. This way, he won’t know I’ve been irresponsible and that I didn’t follow up on the work.” Later on, when I actually went to the waterers to find out about the details of the situation, I found out that although they’d fellowshipped with the newcomers, they hadn’t achieved anything, and also, that they too were unclear about the newcomers’ situations. On learning these things, I finally realized that this had all been because I had carried no burdens and not actually followed up on work, and that the newcomers’ life entry had been delayed. However, I still didn’t seek the truth or reflect on myself, so the situation stayed the same.

Not long after, the upper leader arranged a gathering with us to learn about the details of the watering work, about how many newcomers each waterer was responsible for, how they resolved the newcomers’ difficulties and notions, whether they were attentive in nurturing newcomers, and so on. Then I felt anxious, thinking, “I hope the leader won’t ask me first, there’s some work that I haven’t fully implemented and a few details that would be really embarrassing to be unable to explain!” But things played out just as I’d feared, and the leader questioned me first. With no other option, I just had to put on a calm face, but inside, I just wanted to run. I thought to myself, “What if he asks for too many details that I can’t explain, won’t it seem like I haven’t done any real work? That would be so humiliating! Would the leader and the other co-workers look down on me?” The leader started by asking a few questions, which I just about struggled to answer one by one, but when the leader asked about Sister Yang Fan’s watering of newcomers, I panicked, thinking, “I don’t know about Yang Fan’s work with newcomers, I’m done for, what am I supposed to say? If I’m honest with the leader and say I don’t know, would he say ‘You’ve been in charge of watering work for so long and you don’t even know such basic details, how are you doing your job’? Wouldn’t this disappoint the leader and make him look down on me?” With these things in mind, I just reported some of Yang Fan’s earlier watering work to the leader. The guilt and anxiety of having said this made my heart pound, and my face burned. Even though I’d managed to bluff my way through and protect my reputation and status, I was filled with a sense of accusation and an undefinable pain, “Am I not just lying through my teeth? I’m such a hypocrite!” That night, I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, filled with regret about the lies I had told. But what had been said, had been said, and like spilled water, it couldn’t be taken back, and it was too late to open up and lay myself bare. If the leader found out, would he call me a deceitful person? These thoughts ran through my head, and I couldn’t muster up the courage to open up. I felt I had no integrity and dignity, and was like a real hypocrite. My heart pounded with anxiety, as if I had butterflies in my stomach, and I just kept questioning myself, “Why wasn’t I able to tell the leader the truth? What’s the point of this dishonesty?” The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt, so I prayed to God in my heart, “Oh God! When the leader asked about the work details today, I clearly didn’t know, but because I was scared of people looking down on me and of losing face, I lied through my teeth to deceive the leader. Oh God! I’m so deceitful, please grant me courage, so that I may be pure and open, and live as an honest person.”

One day, I watched an experiential testimony video called The Pain of Telling Lies, there was a passage of God’s words in this video that really moved me. Almighty God says: “In their everyday lives, people often talk nonsense, tell lies, and say things that are ignorant, foolish, and defensive. Most of these things are said for the sake of vanity and pride, to satisfy their own egos. Speaking such falsehoods reveals their corrupt dispositions. … Your lies have become too numerous. Every word you say is adulterated and insincere, and not a single one can be considered true or honest. Even though you don’t feel that you’ve lost face when you tell lies, deep down, you feel disgraced. Your conscience blames you, and you hold a low opinion of yourself, thinking, ‘Why am I living such a pitiful life? Is it so difficult to speak the truth? Must I resort to lies for the sake of my pride? Why is my life so exhausting?’ You don’t have to live an exhausting life. If you can practice being an honest person, you will be able to live a relaxed, free, and liberated life. However, you have chosen to uphold your pride and vanity by telling lies. Consequently, you live a tiresome and miserable existence, which is self-inflicted. One may gain a sense of pride by telling lies, but what is that sense of pride? It is just an empty thing, and it is completely worthless. Telling lies means selling out one’s character and dignity. It strips away one’s dignity and one’s character; it displeases God, and He detests it. Is this worthwhile? It is not. Is this the correct path? No, it is not. People who frequently lie live according to their satanic dispositions; they live under Satan’s power. They do not live in the light, nor do they live in the presence of God. You constantly think about how to lie and then after you lie, you have to think about how to cover up that lie. And when you do not cover up the lie well enough and it is exposed, you have to rack your brain to try and straighten out the contradictions and make it plausible. Is it not tiring to live in this way? Exhausting. Is it worth it? No, it is not worth it. Racking one’s brain to tell lies and then to cover them up, all for the sake of pride, vanity, and status, what meaning is there in that? Finally, you reflect and think to yourself, ‘What’s the point? It’s too exhausting to tell lies and to have to cover them up. Conducting myself in this manner won’t work; it’d be easier if I just became an honest person.’ You desire to become an honest person, but you cannot let go of your pride, vanity, and personal interests. Therefore, you can only resort to telling lies to uphold these things. If you are someone who loves the truth, you will endure various hardships in order to practice the truth. Even if it means sacrificing your reputation, status, and enduring ridicule and humiliation from others, you won’t mind—as long as you are able to practice the truth and satisfy God, it is enough. Those who love the truth choose to practice it and be honest. This is the correct path and it is blessed by God. If a person does not love the truth, what do they choose? They choose to use lies to uphold their reputation, status, dignity, and character. They would rather be deceitful, and be detested and rejected by God. Such people reject the truth and reject God. They choose their own reputation and status; they want to be deceitful. They do not care about whether God is pleased or if He will save them. Can such people still be saved by God? Certainly not, because they have chosen the wrong path. They can only live by lying and cheating; they can only live painful lives of telling lies and covering them up and racking their brains to defend themselves every day. If you think that lies can uphold the reputation, status, vanity, and pride you desire, you are completely mistaken. In reality, by telling lies, not only do you fail to maintain your vanity and pride, and your dignity and character, more grievously, you miss the opportunity to practice the truth and be an honest person. Even if you manage to protect your reputation, status, vanity, and pride at that moment, you have sacrificed the truth and betrayed God. This means you have completely lost your chance for Him to save and perfect you, which is the greatest loss and a lifelong regret. Those who are deceitful will never understand this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). God’s words exposed my exact state. To protect my vanity and pride, and prevent people from looking down on me, I chose to lie and deceive them, sacrificing my integrity and dignity, rather than speak the truth. Regarding the most recent spate of arrests, the leader wrote to me to ask about how many newcomers in the area I was responsible for were gathering regularly and how many weren’t, and about the recent results in watering and supporting newcomers. I clearly hadn’t followed up on these tasks, and I should have been honest in my report to the leader, but to protect my vanity and status, I lied and said I was already following up on this. During the meeting, the leader asked me about Yang Fan’s watering of newcomers, I didn’t know the details, so I just lied through my teeth, reporting old information as if it were current in an effort to bluff my way out. Even though I recognized I was lying and felt accused, I still didn’t want to open up. To prevent others from looking down on me, I lied over and over again. I’d been so slippery and deceitful! I couldn’t stop asking myself, “Aren’t you a believer?” A true believer is able to tell the truth, be honest, and have integrity and dignity, and no matter the situation, they have the courage to face the truth and call a spade a spade, and although practicing in this way may allow others to see their shortcomings and insufficiencies, practicing the truth and living openly pleases God and allows others to trust them. But I had lied to protect my reputation and status, lacked all integrity and dignity, and failed to live up to even the bare requirements of human conduct. God had graced me and granted me the opportunity to do a watering duty, hoping that I would be able to be sincere in my cooperation with Him and properly water the newcomers who truly believe in God. This was also God giving me a chance for practice to gain the truth, but I had failed to live up to God’s earnest intention. Not only had I not carried any burden in my duty, I also chose to lie instead of practicing the truth when faced with issues. I had truly disappointed God. The more I thought about this, the more upset I became, and I hated myself for being so deceitful.

Later on, I sought within God’s word to find the root of my lying and deceiving. I read a passage of God’s words: “When antichrists are exposed and pruned, the first thing they do is to look for various reasons in their defense, to look for all kinds of excuses to try and get themselves off the hook, thus accomplishing their goal of shirking their responsibilities, and achieving their aim of being forgiven. What the antichrists fear most is that God’s chosen people will see through to their character, to their weaknesses and flaws, to their Achilles’ heel, to their true caliber and work ability—so they try their utmost to package themselves in order to cover up their shortcomings, issues, and corrupt dispositions. When their evildoing is unmasked and exposed, the first thing they do is not admit or accept this fact, or do their utmost to make up for and compensate for their mistakes, instead they try to come up with various methods to use to cover them up, to hoodwink and mislead those who are privy to their actions, to not let God’s chosen people see the true face of the matter, to not let them know how harmful their actions have been to God’s house, how much they have disrupted and disturbed the work of the church. Of course, what they fear most is the Above finding out, because once the Above knows, they will be dealt with according to principle, and it will all be over for them, and they are bound to be dismissed and eliminated. And so, when the evildoing of antichrists is exposed, the first thing they do is not to reflect on where they went wrong, where they violated principles, why they did what they did, what disposition they were governed by, what their intents were, what their state was at the time, whether it was because of waywardness or because of the adulterations of their intents. Instead of dissecting these things, much less reflecting on them, they rack their brains for any way to cover up the true facts. At the same time, they do their utmost to explain and justify themselves in front of God’s chosen people, in order to hoodwink them, making major problems seem like small ones, and small problems seem unproblematic, and bluffing their way out of it, so that they can remain in the house of God recklessly committing misdeeds and abusing their power, and continue to mislead and control people, and make them look up to them and do as they say to satisfy their ambitions and desires” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eleven). From the exposure of God’s words, I saw that when there are deviations or holes in the work of antichrists, instead of learning lessons and promptly righting the problems and deviations in their work, they try every possible way they can to lie, cover up the truth, and prevent leaders from knowing of the problems and holes in their work, and that they try to use tricks and ruses to gain the trust of others. This is the wicked disposition of antichrists. Was what I had revealed not the disposition of an antichrist? When the leader came to supervise and follow up on my work, there were a lot of jobs I hadn’t done, but not only did I not report the actual situation to him, I also hid the truth and deceived him, trying my best to cover up the truth that I hadn’t done real work. Later on, as the leader was looking into the watering of newcomers being done by each waterer, as I hadn’t done real work and I didn’t know specific details, I lied once again, and reported earlier watering work as work that had been done recently to fob off the leader. I was well aware that doing this was being deceitful and dishonest, but to preserve the good impression the leader had of me, I lied through my teeth to deceive him. I saw that the disposition I had revealed was the same wicked, despicable disposition of an antichrist. The leader’s inquiry into my work showed that he was responsible and this would allow him to discover the deviations and problems in my work quickly. I remained silent about the problems in the work and put up a front for the leader to give him the false impression that I was doing real work. As a result, the leader was unable to find out about the truth, and the problems in my work went unsolved. By doing this, I was obstructing the work of the church. I saw that covering up the truth to prevent the leader from supervising work was in nature, far worse than not doing real work. Realizing this, I felt like I was in danger. I had had no God-fearing heart and had been walking the path of an antichrist. Inwardly, I prayed to God and repented, “Oh God, because of the exposure of Your words, I see that my disposition is wicked and despicable, and my heart is filled with fear. Please guide me to cast off this corrupt disposition and accept the supervision of others.”

Later on, I read a passage of God’s words: “That God asks for people to be honest proves that He truly loathes and dislikes deceitful people. God’s dislike of deceitful people is a dislike of their way of doing things, their dispositions, their intents and their methods of trickery; God dislikes all of these things. If deceitful people are able to accept the truth, admit to their deceitful dispositions, and are willing to accept God’s salvation, then they too have a hope of being saved—for God treats all people equally, as does the truth. And so, if we wish to become people who please God, the first thing we must do is change our principles of comportment. No longer can we live according to satanic philosophies, no longer can we get by on lies and trickery. We must cast off all our lies and become honest people. Then God’s view of us will change. Previously, people always relied on lies, pretense, and trickery while living among others, and used satanic philosophies as the basis of their existence, their lives, and the foundation for their comportment. This was something that God loathed. Among nonbelievers, if you speak frankly, tell the truth, and are an honest person, then you will be slandered, judged, and forsaken. So you follow worldly trends and live by satanic philosophies; you become more and more skilled at lying, and more and more deceitful. You also learn to use insidious means to achieve your goals and protect yourself. You become more and more prosperous in Satan’s world, and as a result, you fall deeper and deeper into sin until you cannot extricate yourself. In God’s house, things are precisely the opposite. The more you lie and play deceitful games, the more God’s chosen people will become sick of you and forsake you. If you refuse to repent and still cling to satanic philosophies and logic, if you use ploys and elaborate schemes to disguise and package yourself, then you are very likely to be revealed and eliminated. This is because God loathes deceitful people. Only honest people can prosper in God’s house, and deceitful people will eventually be forsaken and eliminated. All of this is preordained by God. Only honest people can have a share in the kingdom of heaven. If you do not try to be an honest person, and if you don’t experience and practice in the direction of pursuing the truth, if you don’t expose your own ugliness, and if you don’t lay yourself bare, then you will never be able to receive the Holy Spirit’s work and gain God’s approval” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). From God’s words, I saw that God likes honest people, that honest people have the courage to face their shortcomings and deficiencies, that they are able to be truthful, do not deceive people or God, and that when faced with issues, they are able to seek and practice the truth. Such people are brought by God into the kingdom to live forever. God detests liars, deceivers, and those who employ tricks. Such people are deceitful and demonic. As the Bible says: “You are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and stayed not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it” (John 8:44). I saw that liars are all devils. Devils are the enemies of God and are hated by God. God will absolutely not save such people. This is determined by God’s righteous and faithful essence. In my duty, I had lied to protect my vanity and status, attempting to cover up the shortfalls in my work. Doing so meant that I was betraying the truth, standing on the side of Satan, and resisting God. Moreover, by relying on concealment and pretense while doing duties in the church, I can only cover up the truth for so long, and in the long run, many deviations in work will be exposed, and once everyone knows the truth, they will discern and reject me, meaning I would shatter any semblance of integrity and dignity I might have and my chances to repent would be ruined. Reflecting on those antichrists, no matter how many bad things they do or how much they harm the work of God’s house, they never reflect or repent, and if somebody supervises or looks into their work, they make use of an array of tricks to deceive them and cover up the truth, showing their absolute lack of acceptance toward the truth. Eventually, because of all the evil they commit, they are expelled from the church. Those who have the courage to be open and who can practice the truth are honest in the eyes of God and are the ones who will be saved and remain. Conversely, those who try to deceive God for personal gain are extremely foolish and deceitful, and eventually, they will be eliminated by God.

Later on, I read more of God’s words: “When people do their duty or any work before God, their heart must be pure: It must be like a bowl of fresh water—crystal clear, without impurity. So what kind of attitude is correct? No matter what it is that you’re doing, you are able to fellowship with others whatever is in your heart, whatever ideas you may have. If someone says that your way of doing things will not work, and they propose another idea, and if you feel it is a pretty good idea, then you give up your own way, and do things according to what they think. By doing that, everyone sees that you can accept others’ suggestions, choose the correct path, act according to principles, and with transparency and clarity. There’s no darkness in your heart, and you act and speak sincerely, relying on an attitude of honesty. You call a spade a spade. If it is, it is; if it isn’t, it isn’t. No tricks, no secrets, just a very transparent person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God hopes that we approach our duties with a sincere heart, that we speak according to the facts, and that we accept His scrutiny in all things. When the leader inquired into my work again, I resolved to tell the truth if I hadn’t done real work, to have the courage to face my problems, to stop lying to protect my reputation and status, and to practice being an honest person. Later on, I took the initiative to open up to the leader about lying for the sake of my reputation and status. After I opened up to him, the leader then fellowshipped on his own experience to help me. By practicing in this way, I felt much more liberated. Moving forward, I followed the leader’s advice to promptly right deviations in my work, such as by quickly dismissing unsuitable waterers, fellowshipping in detail with waterers about their duties, and then following up on and supervising their progress in their work. When I involved myself in the details of the work in this way, the work showed clear improvement.

A week later, the leader sent a letter asking about my nurturing of the waterers. Upon receiving this letter, I realized that I had been so busy following up on other work, that I had come to overlook the job of personnel nurturing, and that I didn’t know how many people could be nurtured. How was I to respond? What would the leader think of me if he found out that I had been neglecting such an important job? Would he say that I wasn’t doing real work? I thought, “Why not reply to him by saying I am in the process of following up on this work, this way, he won’t find out the truth.” Thinking like this, I suddenly realized, “Am I not just wanting to lie again to protect my reputation and status?” So I prayed inwardly to God, “Oh God! I don’t want to lie or deceive anymore. I didn’t do this task, and it’s because I was irresponsible. I am willing to report this honestly to the leader.” I felt a deep sense of peace after praying. I thought about how God likes honest people who can call a spade a spade, that I had to face things calmly, not conceal the truth, and that no matter what the leader thought of me, I had to practice being an honest person. So, I told the leader the truth, “I have not paid enough attention to nurturing talents, but I am willing to change this moving forward.” Then, I started to actually cooperate, and a few days later I found two people who could be nurtured. After this, when the leader wrote to me again to look into and follow up on other work, even when some jobs weren’t getting good results, I was willing to face this calmly and report these things honestly. Though I am still unable to meet the standards of being an honest person, I am willing to pursue the truth, practice according to God’s word, and gradually cast off my deceitful disposition.