By Sheila, the Philippines

I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days in December 2020. I was elected as a church leader a few months later. The church had lots of work that needed to be done and many issues that needed to be resolved. I threw myself into this work enthusiastically. After a while, I became a bit more familiar with the church’s work, but I was still running into a lot of problems. Lots of newcomers weren’t attending gatherings regularly. Some were being impacted by online rumors, some didn’t clearly understand the truths of visions and had unresolved religious notions, and some couldn’t attend gatherings regularly because they were too busy with work. Facing these issues, I worked hard to fellowship with them on God’s intentions and help solve their difficulties, but their problems remained unresolved. I felt dejected. I was constantly asking myself why all my hard work still hadn’t borne fruit. Why wasn’t God blessing our church? The brothers and sisters had so many issues and my fellowships with them had failed one after another. Maybe I wasn’t well suited for leadership? I couldn’t help but reproach myself: I was the cause of all of this. If I accepted responsibility and resigned, someone else could serve as leader and work would be more successful. I started feeling negative and got passive in my duty, just waiting to be dismissed. I even thought that God was setting up these difficulties to expose me, to have me fail, and He had probably already deserted me. That thought scared me. Had God really abandoned me? I was praying and seeking, but I still didn’t understand God’s intention. The thought that God had abandoned me kept surfacing from time to time. I felt negative, fatigued, and weak all the time. I was really afraid, and felt that I no longer had the Holy Spirit’s work.

At that time the church was short of a few team leaders, so the supervisor recommended some newcomers to me. I just directly appointed them without looking into things much. At first, they all said they wanted to take on a duty, but when they officially began, one said he needed to work and was busy, so he wasn’t up to the job, and another would be late to gatherings because of family matters, so also wouldn’t be able to do the job. I ultimately determined that for now, they weren’t suitable to be cultivated as team leaders and all I could do was select others for the tasks. I worked hard to resolve these difficulties I was encountering in work, but for a while wasn’t getting any results. At that moment, I really wasn’t able to bear all these failures. I felt negative, and I was even afraid to face the coming of each new day. I didn’t want to do church work anymore because I’d worked a lot, but hadn’t accomplished anything. I thought I was facing this situation because God wanted to expose me as incompetent, but I didn’t want to allow myself to sink into that kind of state. I didn’t want to be exposed and eliminated because I wasn’t getting results in my duty.

Once in my devotionals, I stumbled upon one of the items in “65. The Principles of Admitting Responsibility and Resigning” in 170 Principles of Practicing the Truth: “Any false leader or worker who does not accept the truth, who cannot do actual work, and who, for some time, has been bereft of the work of the Holy Spirit, must admit responsibility and resign.” Reading this made me feel even more negative. What should I do? I hadn’t resolved any of the church’s problems, so I was a false leader. Should I admit responsibility and resign to let a competent person lead? I’d already been doing church work for three months, but I still hadn’t resolved the problems that existed within the church. What’s more, in such an environment I still didn’t understand God’s intention and hadn’t made any progress. I was even misunderstanding God. I was worried the others would think I was too negative, and I was afraid they’d reprimand me for thinking of resigning.

Once in a gathering I read these words of God: “You are an ordinary person. You must undergo many failures, many periods of bewilderment, many errors of judgment, and many deviations. This can fully reveal your corrupt disposition, your weaknesses and deficiencies, your ignorance and foolishness, enabling you to reexamine and know yourself, and to have knowledge of God’s almightiness, full wisdom, and His disposition. You will gain positive things from Him, and come to understand the truth and enter reality. There will be much amid your experience that does not go as you wish, against which you will feel powerless. With these, you must seek and wait; you must gain from God the answer to each matter, and understand from His words the underlying essence of each matter and the essence of each sort of person. This is how an ordinary, normal person behaves” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). God is incredibly wise. I gained a new understanding of how God works. I learned that everyone has to go through some failures and setbacks in their duty, and God’s intention was to have me seek the truth through all of this to resolve my corrupt disposition. I’d faced some difficulties in my duty and experienced some failures, but I hadn’t sought the truth or God’s intention. I just always thought about resigning because I felt like I hadn’t had any success in my duty or done what a leader should do. I didn’t even dare tell the others about my actual situation. I was really ignorant. I didn’t understand God’s intention or why God would let that sort of thing happen to me. I saw from God’s words that I was just a regular person, so it was normal for me to run into some difficulties and failures in my duty. God’s intention was within that. So, I opened up to the brothers and sisters about my recent state and sought their help. I also told them that I’d had thoughts of admitting responsibility and resigning. They didn’t look down on me, but they helped and encouraged me, fellowshiping with me on God’s words. I was really moved.

They read me some of Almighty God’s words. God says: “In the course of experiencing the work of God, no matter how many times you have failed, fallen down, been pruned, or revealed, these are not bad things. Regardless of how you have been pruned, or whether it is by leaders, workers, or your brothers or sisters, these are all good things. You must remember this: No matter how much you suffer, you are actually benefiting. Anyone with experience can attest to this. No matter what, being pruned or revealed is always a good thing. It is not a condemnation. It is God’s salvation and the best opportunity for you to get to know yourself. It can bring your life experience a change of gears. Without it, you will possess neither the opportunity, the condition, nor the context to be able to reach an understanding of the truth of your corruption. If you truly understand the truth, and are able to unearth the corrupt things hidden in the depths of your heart, if you can clearly distinguish them, then this is good, this has solved a major problem of life entry, and is of great benefit to changes in disposition. Becoming able to truly know yourself is the best opportunity for you to mend your ways and become a new person; it is the best opportunity for you to obtain new life. Once you truly know yourself, you will be able to see that when the truth becomes one’s life, it is a precious thing indeed, and you will thirst for the truth, practice the truth, and enter into reality. This is such a great thing! If you can grab this opportunity and earnestly reflect upon yourself and gain a genuine knowledge of yourself whenever you fail or fall down, then in the midst of negativity and weakness, you will be able to stand back up. Once you have crossed this threshold, you will then be able to take a big step forward and enter the truth reality” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Gain the Truth, One Must Learn From the People, Events, and Things Nearby). “God’s salvation of mankind is a salvation of those who love the truth, a salvation of the part of them with will and resolve, and the part of them that yearns for truth and justice in their hearts. A person’s resolve is the part of them in their heart that yearns for justice, goodness, and truth, and is possessed of conscience. God saves this part of people, and through it, He changes their corrupt disposition, so that they may understand and gain the truth, so that their corruption may be cleansed, and their life disposition may be transformed. If you do not have these things within you, you cannot be saved. … Why is it said that Peter is a fruit? Because there are things of worth in him, things worth perfecting. He sought the truth in all things, had resolve, and was firm of will; he had reason, was willing to suffer hardship, and loved the truth in his heart; he did not let go of what came to pass, and he was able to learn lessons from all things. These are all strong points. If you have none of these strong points, it means trouble. It will not be easy for you to gain the truth and be saved. If you don’t know how to experience or don’t have experience, you won’t be able to solve other people’s difficulties. Because you are incapable of practicing and experiencing God’s words, you have no idea what to do when things happen to you, you get upset and burst into tears when you encounter problems, and you become negative and run away when you suffer some minor setback, and you are incapable of reacting in the right way. Because of this, it is impossible for you to gain life entry” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading this, a sister shared fellowship with me: “No matter what sort of setbacks and failures we face, we should pray and seek God’s intention, not give up on the truth and our duty. Giving up on our duty isn’t the path to resolving the problem. It’s only through the difficulties and setbacks we encounter in our duties that our corruption and shortcomings are revealed, and we can truly know ourselves. Without those experiences, there’s no way we could see our corruption and what we lack. Then how could we change? So, experiencing failure or stumbling blocks isn’t a bad thing. That’s when we should seek the truth and learn a lesson—we can’t misunderstand God. If we just resign, just give up our duty when we encounter difficulties, how would we experience God’s work and pursue salvation? What testimony would we have? God doesn’t ask much of us. If we have resolve when we face problems and hardships, and genuinely pray and seek the truth, then God will guide and help us.” Reading God’s words and then hearing the sister’s fellowship was really enlightening for me. I realized that experiencing failures and setbacks is God’s love, and it’s a good chance for me to seek the truth and learn a lesson. I thought of how Peter experienced many trials, refinements, setbacks, and failures throughout his life. Sometimes he suffered fleshly weakness, but he never lost faith in God. He kept pursuing the truth, seeking God’s intention, and making up for what he lacked. In the end, he understood the truth and knew God, and achieved submission and love for God. I should be strong and resolute just like Peter, praying to God and seeking His intention when I face setbacks and failures, reflecting on what I lack instead of misunderstanding and blaming God.

Once in my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words that helped me better understand God’s intention. Almighty God says: “People must learn to heed God’s words and understand His heart. They must not misunderstand God. In fact, in many cases, people’s concern stems from their own self-interest. Speaking generally, it is the fear that they will have no outcome. They’re always thinking, ‘What if God reveals me, eliminates me, and rejects me?’ This is your misinterpretation of God; these are only your one-sided conjectures. You have to figure out what God’s intention is. When He reveals people, it is not for the sake of eliminating them. People are revealed in order to expose their shortcomings, mistakes, and their nature essences, to make them know themselves and become capable of true repentance; for this reason, revealing people is in order to help their lives to grow. Without a pure understanding, people are apt to misinterpret God and become negative and weak. They may even give in to despair. In fact, being revealed by God doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be eliminated. It is to help you get to know your own corruption, and to make you repent. Oftentimes, because people are rebellious, and do not seek to find resolution in the truth when they reveal corruption, God must exercise discipline. And so, sometimes, He reveals people, exposing their ugliness and pitifulness, getting them to know themselves, which helps their life to grow. Revealing people has two different implications: For the evil people, being revealed means they are eliminated. For those who are able to accept the truth, it is a reminder and a warning; they are made to reflect on themselves, to see their true state, and to stop being wayward and reckless, because to carry on like this would be dangerous. Revealing people in this way is to remind them lest, in performing their duty, they grow muddleheaded and careless, fail to take things seriously, become satisfied with only a few results, and think they have performed their duty to an acceptable standard when, in fact, measured by God’s demands, they have fallen far short, and yet they are still complacent and believe themselves to be doing fine. In such circumstances, God will discipline, caution, and remind people. Sometimes, God reveals their ugliness—which is patently to serve as a reminder. At such times you should reflect on yourself: Performing your duty like this is inadequate, there is rebelliousness within you, there are too many negative elements, everything you do is perfunctory, and if you still do not repent, by rights you should be punished. Now and then, when God disciplines you, or reveals you, this does not necessarily mean you will be eliminated. This matter should be approached correctly. Even if you are eliminated, you should accept it and submit to it, and make haste to reflect and repent” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Practicing the Truth and Submitting to God Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). God’s words showed me that His purpose in exposing people isn’t to eliminate them, but rather to have them recognize their corruption and shortcomings, so they can pursue the truth to resolve their problems and progress faster in life. I couldn’t help but self-reflect. When I faced any type of difficulty or issue, I didn’t diligently consider or seek God’s intention. Nor did I self-reflect to learn about my own issues. I just thought that God was using these situations to expose me and eliminate me, that I wasn’t a suitable leader and I should accept responsibility and resign. I was misunderstanding God. Then I realized that so many issues and difficulties in my work remained unresolved mainly because I wasn’t putting my heart into my duty. I always felt like I had so many things to get done, and I didn’t have any directions or goals when I was working. I just did whatever came to mind without seeking any results. Some newcomers were misled by rumors and I didn’t seek which aspect of the truth I should fellowship on to resolve their notions so that they could discern those rumors and stand firm on the true way. When cultivating people, I didn’t seek the corresponding principles or get a clear understanding of their actual circumstances, but just did it blindly. As a result, I didn’t accomplish anything in that aspect, either. In watering newcomers, I didn’t give prior thought to what aspects of the truth I could fellowship on to resolve their issues, so I also didn’t get any real results there. Although on the surface it looked like I was working hard, I wasn’t being attentive and I wasn’t summarizing work issues in a timely manner, which meant nothing was accomplished. Moreover, not only did I fail to reflect and understand myself, but I also failed to seek the truths I should enter into. On the contrary I guessed that God was intentionally exposing me, making me look bad. I was always grumbling, and didn’t want to encounter failures and setbacks, but just wanted to always have it easy, to have everything plain sailing. I misunderstood and blamed God at the slightest difficulty. How could I experience God’s work and do my duty well? I was so unreasonable. That’s not how a created being should act. Realizing this, I felt a lot of regret, and said a prayer to God: “God, You set this situation up to train me, to allow me to grow in life, but I didn’t understand Your intention—I misunderstood You. I’m so rebellious. Please enlighten and guide me and help me understand my own corrupt disposition.”

After that, I read a passage of Almighty God’s words that helped me understand myself. God says: “I take pleasure in those who are not suspicious of others, and I like those who readily accept the truth; toward these two kinds of people I show great care, for in My eyes they are honest people. If you are deceitful, then you will be guarded and suspicious toward all people and matters, and thus your faith in Me will be built upon a foundation of suspicion. I could never acknowledge such faith. Lacking true faith, you are even more devoid of true love. And if you are liable to doubt God and speculate about Him at will, then you are, without question, the most deceitful of all people. You speculate whether God can be like man: unpardonably sinful, of petty character, devoid of fairness and reason, lacking a sense of justice, given to vicious tactics, treacherous and cunning, pleased by evil and darkness, and so on. Is not the reason that people have such thoughts because they lack the slightest knowledge of God? Such faith is nothing short of sin! There are even some who believe that the ones who please Me are precisely those who flatter and bootlick, and that those lacking in such skills will be unwelcome in the house of God and will lose their place there. Is this the only knowledge you have acquired after all these years? Is this what you have gained? And your knowledge of Me does not stop at these misunderstandings; even worse is your blasphemy against God’s Spirit and vilification of Heaven. This is why I say that such faith as yours will only cause you to stray further from Me and be in greater opposition against Me” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Know the God on Earth). Facing the revelation of God’s words, I was so ashamed of myself. I was suspicious of God and misunderstood Him when I encountered failures and setbacks, thinking of Him as being cold and heartless, like people. I thought that when God wants to use someone, He’d allow them to enjoy His grace, but otherwise, He’d eliminate them, fling them to the side and ignore them. I second-guessed and suspected God based on these types of thoughts. I was so deceitful! I hadn’t been a believer for long, the truths I understood were limited, and I had lots of flaws, but the church still cultivated me as a leader, giving me a chance to practice so that I could learn the truth as quickly as possible and enter into the truth reality. When I wasn’t attentive enough in my duty, causing a lack of accomplishments, the church still didn’t dismiss me. The others still all helped and encouraged me. They gave me fellowship on God’s words, guiding me to understand God’s intention and recognize my corruption and shortcomings. But I was on my guard against God, suspicious of Him. Was that showing true faith in God? I’d been so deeply corrupted by Satan, always going by Satan’s devilish words, like “Trust no one because even your shadow will leave you in darkness” and “Never intend to harm others, but always guard against the harm they might do to you.” I was on my guard against everyone, even with God. This showed me that my deceitful disposition was truly very severe, and it was entirely where my suspicions and misunderstandings of God came from. When facing difficulties, I second-guessed and misunderstood God, but God still enlightened and guided me to understand the truth, getting me to see my own problems. I could feel God’s love and how real His salvation for me was. I prayed to God, ready to repent and stop living by my deceitful disposition, suspecting and misunderstanding God.

Later, I read this passage of God’s words: “Though you may now perform your duty willingly, and you may forsake things and expend yourself willingly, if you still have misunderstandings, speculations, doubts, or complaints regarding God, or even rebelliousness and resistance against Him, or if you use various methods and techniques to oppose Him and reject His sovereignty over you—if you do not resolve these things—then it will be nigh impossible for the truth to be master of your person, and your life will be exhausting. People often struggle and are tormented in these negative states, as if they had sunk into a quagmire, and they are always preoccupied with the idea of right and wrong. How can they discover and understand the truth? To seek the truth, one must first submit. Then, after a period of experience, they will be able to gain some enlightenment, at which point it is easy to understand the truth. If one is always trying to work out what is right and wrong and gets caught up in what is true and false, they have no way to discover or understand the truth. And what will come of it if one can never understand the truth? Not understanding the truth gives rise to notions and misunderstandings about God; when one has misunderstandings about God, they are likely to complain about Him. When these complaints burst forth, they become opposition; opposition to God is resistance against Him, and a serious transgression. If one has committed many transgressions, then they have committed manifold evils, and should be punished. This is the sort of thing that comes of being forever unable to understand the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Resolve Their Notions and Misunderstandings of God). Reading this gave me a lingering fear. If I’d kept on living in a state of negativity, not seeking the truth, not opening up to the brothers and sisters, I would have kept on living by my deceitful disposition, misunderstanding God. Then I could have easily blamed God and resisted Him, which would constitute a transgression. I might even do evil and go against God. This would be too dangerous! During the time that I was misunderstanding and second-guessing God, my negative state practically controlled me. I always worried about being exposed and eliminated. I had no sense of freedom—it was so tiring. In my duty I was just exerting myself to complete tasks. As soon as a new problem arose, I couldn’t help but misunderstand God and want to resign. It was God’s words that guided me to open up to the others and to seek the truth and learn of my corrupt disposition. Otherwise, I would have continued misconstruing God and would have decided to give up my duty. The consequences of that would have been frightening.

I read another passage of God’s words later that gave me a path for practice when I encounter problems in church work. God says: “Regarding the problems that arise in the church, do not be filled with such heavy misgivings. In the course of building the church, mistakes are inevitable, but do not panic when you meet with problems; rather, be calm and collected. Have I not already told you? Come before Me often and pray, and I will clearly show you My intentions” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 41). I learned from God’s words that running into various difficulties is inevitable when completing church work. It’s perfectly normal and God allows this to happen. When we encounter difficulties, as long as we genuinely pray and lean on God, He will guide us forward. Some new believers who had just accepted God’s work of the last days didn’t fully understand the truths of visions and could still be led astray by rumors. I needed to rely on God more and use His words to expose Satan’s tricks and help new believers lay a foundation on the true way. After understanding God’s intention, then going back to church work, I summarized the errors and issues that existed in our previous work. In response to the issues new believers were encountering, I equipped myself with the relevant truths, and then helped address them through fellowship. As for cultivating people, first I sought the corresponding principles and prayed with my heart. In gatherings I focused on observing who fit the principles for cultivation. Selecting people in this way was somewhat more precise.

At times I still encounter difficulties and failures in my duty, but I look at these issues from a different perspective now. I ask myself: What lesson does God want me to learn from this situation? I consciously pray, read God’s words, and seek a path of practice. I’ve also learned how to seek help from other brothers and sisters. If others point out problems in my work, I’m able to see my own faults and shortcomings. I no longer believe that God is trying to make me look bad. Instead, I feel it’s a good chance to self-reflect, understand myself, and grow in life. A sister once said to me, “I’ve noticed you’ve become more patient when watering new believers, and when you encounter issues, you’re better at seeking God’s intention than before.” I was so moved to hear this. Even though it was just a tiny change on my part, I truly experienced that God’s love and salvation for mankind are real. God is always guiding me and I have more resolve to fulfill my duty and satisfy Him.