By Zhenai, China

On August 23, 2022, the district leader invited several of us preachers to a gathering. We waited until the afternoon, but the leader did not show up. Later, we learned that the church leaders, and many brothers and sisters had been arrested. Sister Lu Yang, who had lived with me, had also been arrested. Additionally, the leader who had invited us to the gathering had been out of contact for a whole day and night, and it was almost certain that something had happened to him. Hearing this news left me stunned. The arrest had hit dozens of churches and it had all taken place early on the 23rd, pointing to a coordinated action by the CCP. I recalled that the leader had visited my home a couple of times just a few days before, and I wondered if I might also be a target. If I were, would I also be arrested one day? The CCP does not see believers as human beings and uses all kinds of torture to force them to betray God. I was supervising the work of several churches, and if I were arrested, the CCP would certainly not let me go easily. Thinking about this made my chest tighten, and I became anxious at every tiny movement outside, fearing that I might be arrested at any moment. Realizing that my state was not right, I quickly prayed to God, “God, with the church facing major crackdowns, I feel very timid. Please protect me and give me faith so that I am not constrained by this environment.” After praying, I remembered the movie, My Story, Our Story, and I quickly found it to watch. One passage of God’s words in the movie gave me faith.

Almighty God says: “Though Satan looked upon Job with covetous eyes, without God’s permission it did not dare to touch a single hair on Job’s body. Though Satan is inherently evil and cruel, after God issued His order to it, it had no choice but to abide by God’s command. Thus, even though Satan was as frenzied as a wolf among sheep when it came upon Job, it did not dare to forget the limits set for it by God, did not dare to violate the orders of God, and in all that it did, Satan did not dare to deviate from the principles and limits of God’s words—is this not a fact? From this it can be seen that Satan does not dare to contravene any of the words of Jehovah God. For Satan, every word from the mouth of God is an order and a heavenly law, an expression of God’s authority—for behind every word of God is implied God’s punishment of those who violate the orders of God, and of those who disobey and oppose the heavenly laws” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). God’s words clearly tell us that no matter how savage Satan is, it cannot exceed God’s commands or overstep the boundaries or limits set by God. No matter how fiendish Satan is, it is still a service object in God’s hands, and a tool used to perfect God’s chosen people. Reflecting on God’s words, I realized that on the day of the large-scale crackdown, the leader had planned to gather with a few of us, and if the police had carried out the operation a bit later, we preachers would have been arrested along with the leader. I saw that the arrests of brothers and sisters are permitted by God. Satan cannot act without God’s permission; this is God’s authority. This was particularly clear when I saw the brothers in prison in the film, relying on God to pass on His words under strict surveillance and helping and supporting each other, and that their faith in God became even stronger. No matter how the CCP used threats or enticements, they stood firm in their testimony. This demonstrated the power of God’s words. Seeing the experience of these brothers, I was no longer so fearful. I thought about how I often proclaimed God’s almightiness and sovereignty over all things, and how I frequently said I would protect the church’s work. But when I heard that more and more people were being arrested, I was filled with timidness and fear. My previous resolve and promises seemed long forgotten, and in particular, the thought of suffering torture if I were arrested made my concerns surface. When faced with reality, I finally saw how small my faith was. As soon as I encountered danger, I became timid and fearful, and began worrying about my own physical safety. In what way did I have any stature? Realizing this, I prayed to God, asking Him to give me faith so that I could fulfill my duties and stand firm in my testimony during adversity.

Following this incident, there was lots of important aftermath work that needed to be seen to. To prevent the books of God’s words from falling into the hands of the CCP, it was decided that Sister Gao Qing and I would be responsible for transferring them. Seeing how I was being asked to do such an important task, and knowing the significance of this responsibility, I was willing to cooperate. However, thinking about the dangers involved in the transfer, I couldn’t help but feel a bit scared, “If we get arrested and the CCP learns we are transporting the books of God’s words, they would surely force us to reveal more church information and subject us to torture. Even if we don’t die, we will be dragged through the wringer! What will I do if I become disabled? Not only would I not be able to do a duty, but I’d also have problems taking care of myself. Wouldn’t that be the end for me? Could I still be saved then? I lack both courage and wisdom. Can I really handle this duty? Shouldn’t we find someone braver and wiser for this responsibility?” I was about to say this to the sisters, but I hesitated and swallowed my words. I thought of how, given the limited number of people who could be contacted in this context, it was only after careful consideration, that everyone decided that I would take on this task. I thought of these words of God: “You should uphold and take responsibility for anything that relates to the interests of the house of God, or which concerns the work of God’s house and the name of God. Each of you has this responsibility and obligation, and this is what you must do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. On God’s Administrative Decrees in the Age of Kingdom). No matter the time, protecting the interests of God’s house and ensuring the safety of the books of God’s words is the responsibility and obligation of every one of God’s chosen people. I had been a believer for many years and enjoyed the watering and provision of God’s words, yet, when the safety of the books of God’s words was at risk and they needed to be moved, I was not proactive in cooperating. Instead, I was only considering my own future prospects and paths. Out of fear of being arrested and tortured, I wanted to pass this duty off to somebody else. I was so selfish and lacking in conscience and reason! Since everyone agreed that I was the most suitable person to transfer the books of God’s words, it must contain God’s intention. Especially considering I was not arrested during this large-scale crackdown, I clearly had a role to play, and I should not refuse it. I am a created being; God knows what I can do. Whether I would be arrested or not was in God’s hands. If God were to ordain that I should be arrested, I would submit, but if God does not permit this, the CCP cannot do anything to me. Just as Daniel had faith in God, and even when he was thrown into the lion’s den, the lions did not harm him. No matter how rampant the CCP is, it is still in God’s hands, and it is merely a service object in God’s work. With this understanding, I gained faith and prayed to God, “God, now the books of Your words need to be urgently transferred, and I feel timid and fearful, but I know that Satan is in Your hands. I am willing to set aside my own safety and work with Sister Gao Qing to deliver the books to a safe place. Please guide us.” The next morning, we set out in the thick fog and successfully delivered the books to a safe location.

Because several church leaders had been arrested, Sister Gao Qing and I were temporarily promoted to supervise the work of these churches. I knew I should not shirk my duty, but I felt a lot of pressure. Taking on this duty at such a critical moment was indeed very dangerous. However, with the leaders arrested and the church’s work almost at a standstill, the brothers and sisters could not live their church life and urgently needed someone to shoulder the work. At this time, I would have been lacking in humanity to shirk this duty. After much consideration, I accepted the duty. However, not long after, I learned that during interrogations, the police were showing photos to the arrested brothers and sisters, asking them to identify the leaders. The CCP was constantly arresting leaders, and if they knew I was now a church leader, wouldn’t I also face a severe sentence if arrested? I thought of the brothers and sisters who had been arrested and sentenced. Some had been abused by inmates in prison, others were severely beaten and tortured by prison guards, and they had to do heavy physical labor every day. Given my already weak health, once I was arrested and sentenced, every day would feel like a year in prison, and whether I would be able to make it out is hard to say. Doing duties in China is indeed fraught with danger, like standing on the edge of a knife with constant life-threatening risks. I kept thinking that it would have been better if I hadn’t taken on this duty…. I was deeply worried and couldn’t focus on my work. Realizing my state was not right, I quickly prayed to God, asking Him to protect my heart.

That night, I couldn’t sleep at all. I reflected on how when faced with the large-scale crackdown on the church, I had revealed only cowardice and fear, and that I had even wanted to shirk my duty to protect myself. Why did I keep thinking about myself when facing adversity? During my devotionals, I read two passages of God’s words: “Antichrists do their utmost to protect their safety. What they think to themselves is: ‘I absolutely must guarantee my safety. No matter who gets caught, it mustn’t be me.’ In this matter, they often come before God in prayer, pleading that God keeps them from getting into trouble. They feel that no matter what, they are indeed carrying out the work of a church leader and that God should protect them. For the sake of their own safety and to avoid being arrested, escape all persecution and situate themselves in a safe environment, antichrists often implore and pray for their own safety. Only when it comes to their own safety do they truly rely upon and offer themselves up to God. They have real faith when it comes to this and their reliance upon God is real. They only bother to pray to God asking that He protect their safety, not giving the slightest thought to the church’s work or their duty. In their work, personal safety is the principle that guides them. If a place is safe, then antichrists will choose that place to work, and, indeed, they will seem very proactive and positive, showing off their great ‘sense of responsibility’ and ‘loyalty.’ If some work does entail risk and is liable to meet with incident, to get its doer found out by the great red dragon, they make their excuses and refuse it, and find a chance to flee from it. As soon as there is danger, or as soon as there is a hint of danger, they think of ways to extricate themselves and abandon their duty, without a care for the brothers and sisters. They care only about getting themselves out of danger. They may already be prepared at heart: As soon as danger appears, they drop the work they are doing at once, without a care for how the church’s work goes, or for what loss it may incur to the interests of God’s house, or for the safety of the brothers and sisters. What matters to them is fleeing” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). “Antichrists are extremely selfish and despicable. They do not have true faith in God, much less loyalty to God; when they encounter an issue, they only protect and safeguard themselves. For them, nothing is more important than their own safety. As long as they can live and won’t get arrested, they don’t care how much harm is done to the work of the church. These people are extremely selfish, they don’t think of the brothers and sisters at all, or of the work of the church, they only think of their own safety. They are antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God exposes that the nature of an antichrist is extremely selfish and despicable. They prioritize their own interests above all else, and in any given situation, if something touches on their interests, they will not hesitate to protect themselves. Antichrists are entirely profit-driven, and lack any sense of conscience or reason. They adhere to the satanic philosophy of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” and live out a complete image of Satan. Reflecting on God’s words and my own behavior, hadn’t I revealed the selfish and despicable disposition of an antichrist? Normally, when there was no threat of arrest, I was very proactive in doing my duties, no matter how hard or tiring they were, showing a facade of loyalty to my duties and submission to God. But when the church faced a large-scale crackdown and the duties arranged for me involved my own personal interests, my selfishness and despicableness were revealed. When the brothers and sisters put me forward to transfer the books of God’s words, I wanted to pass the duty to someone else to protect myself. When the church temporarily promoted me to be a leader, instead of focusing on how to carry out church work well and shoulder this responsibility, I worried about being arrested and sentenced, and I even thought of shirking the duty to protect myself. I was so afraid of death! It is said that sincerity is revealed in adversity, but did I behave with sincerity as I faced adversity? No! I revealed nothing but selfishness and insincerity! I thought about all these years enjoying the watering and provision of God’s words, but when the church was facing a large-scale crackdown and needed my cooperation, I looked for excuses to shirk my duty and protect myself. In what way did I have any humanity? I’d prayed to God, saying I was willing to expend myself for Him and repay His love, yet what I was living out was selfish and despicable, and trying to protect myself. Isn’t this deceiving God? If it weren’t for these facts being revealed and the judgment and exposure of God’s words, I would still not have any true understanding of my selfish and self-serving satanic disposition. I would still think I held sincerity for God and that He surely approves of me, and that when God’s work concluded, I would enter the kingdom and enjoy God’s blessings. I truly didn’t know myself! God’s work is so practical. Through the persecution and arrests carried out by the great red dragon, He has revealed my corruption and helped me understand myself. This is God’s salvation for me! Thinking on this, I felt remorseful and no longer wanted to live according to Satan’s philosophies.

Later, I came across a passage of God’s words that was very enlightening to me. God says: “If you acknowledge that you are a created being, you must prepare yourself to suffer and pay a price for the sake of fulfilling your responsibility to spread the gospel and for the sake of doing your duty properly. The price might be suffering some physical ailment or hardship, or suffering the persecutions of the great red dragon or the misunderstandings of worldly people, as well as the tribulations one undergoes when spreading the gospel: being sold out, being beaten and scolded, being condemned—even being mobbed and put in mortal danger. It is possible, in the course of spreading the gospel, that you will die before God’s work is completed, and that you will not live to see the day of God’s glory. You must be prepared for this. This is not meant to frighten you; it is a fact. … Moreover, how did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—every sort of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Were they lawfully executed for their crimes? No. They were condemned, beaten, scolded, and put to death because they spread the Lord’s gospel and were rejected by the people of the world—that is how they were martyred. … Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their means of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the means of their death and departure was nor how it happened, it was not how God defined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, they used precisely those means to condemn this world and to testify to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to testify to God’s deeds, to testify to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to confirm to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redemption He did for all humanity allows humanity to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession—life—as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. Until the day they died, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to testify to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of doing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). After reading God’s words, I understood that if we truly see the meaning of life and the value of life and death clearly, and live according to God’s words, we can have genuine submission to God and stand firm in our testimony to Him in times of adversity. Life is the most precious thing for each of us. If we can entrust our lives to God, then nothing can defeat us. Thinking about how I had followed God up to this point, I had been able to gradually let go of things like work, family, marriage, and wealth, but when faced with danger and the possibility of losing my life, my rebelliousness was exposed. I wanted to shirk my duties to protect myself. I was too afraid of death! The CCP’s insane persecution and arrests are intended to make us timid and fearful, abandon our faith in God, give up our duties, and betray Him, making us lose the chance of salvation. This is Satan’s scheme. Only by entrusting our lives to God, fulfilling our duties with a heart of submission no matter how God orchestrates and arranges things, can we defeat and put Satan to shame. I had always thought that if I died from persecution, I would not be saved, but this was my own notion and imagining. In the Age of Grace, the apostles experienced persecution and arrests by the Roman government. Some were killed by the sword, and others were crucified upside down. They paid with their lives to spread the gospel of the kingdom of heaven, and used their lives to bear witness to the salvation of the Lord Jesus, thereby receiving God’s approval. Today, many brothers and sisters are also arrested and persecuted for spreading God’s gospel of the last days. They suffer torture and beatings, leading to disability or even death, but they choose to stand firm in testimony to God, refusing to succumb to Satan even in death. Such a death is meaningful. Though physical bodies die from a human perspective, their souls do not. This is all under God’s arrangement. To offer one’s life to bear witness to God is the highest form of testimony. Reflecting on this, I felt enlightened. This current environment was God’s way of testing me, to see whether, in facing this adverse situation I would choose to fulfill my duties and stand firm in my testimony or I would give up my duties and live a pointless life. God was observing my attitude and practices. The Lord Jesus said: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). “He that finds his life shall lose it: and he that loses his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 10:39). My life is in God’s hands. Though Satan can imprison and harm my body, it cannot control my fate or destination. Each person’s life is in God’s hands, and everything we experience is arranged appropriately by Him. If I were to abandon my duties to protect myself, this would be betraying God and I would lose my chance at salvation. God gave me life and brought me into this world, so there is a mission for me to complete. Being able to follow the Creator and fulfill my duties as a created being means my life is not lived in vain! God’s words inspired my heart. No matter what the future holds, it is perfectly natural and justified for a created being to submit to the Creator. I was willing to entrust my life to God, do what I could, and fulfill my duties. Later, to quickly restore church life, we called a gathering with the church deacons. We fellowshipped on how to persist in our duties during times of adversity, and the intention of God in the face of persecution and arrests, and we also implemented various tasks. Two months later, the church life of the brothers and sisters gradually returned to normal.

One day in November, we suddenly received news that church leader Li Zhong and fifteen other brothers and sisters had been forcibly arrested and taken away by the police. My heart tightened again, and I felt even more hatred toward the CCP, the demon. The next morning, we urgently discussed with coworkers the issue of moving the books of God’s words to safety. Since I was the only one who knew the new location, it was decided that I would transport the books to the new site. However, I thought to myself, “There are always vehicles and cameras everywhere on this journey, it’s impossible to avoid them. If I am discovered during the move, it will be irrefutable evidence, and I will surely be sentenced. What if I am persecuted to the point of death? This is too dangerous! Maybe someone else should go.” But just as I was about to suggest this, I swallowed my words. At this critical moment, I was still considering my personal safety. In what way was I showing any loyalty? I was too afraid of death! My life is in God’s hands, not under my own control. I needed to be loyal to God. Thinking of this, I prayed to God, “God, I am so selfish and despicable. I was trying to push my duties away again. Now I am willing to entrust my life to You. Please guide me to fulfill my duties at this crucial moment and to safely transfer the books.” At this moment, I recalled some of God’s words: “With your duty and what’s yours to do, and bigger than that, with the commission given by God and your obligation, as well as important work that’s outside your duty but needs you to do it, work that’s arranged for you and that you are called by name to do—you should pay the price, however difficult it may be. Even if you need to apply yourself to the fullest, even if persecution should loom, and even if it should put your life at risk, you’re not to begrudge the cost, but to offer up your loyalty and submit unto death” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. Why Man Must Pursue the Truth). God’s words gave me faith and strength. There was God’s intention in the duty that came to me that day, and whether or not I would be arrested was also ordained by God. Since it was most suitable for me to transfer the books of God’s words at that moment, I should submit unconditionally. Later, with everyone’s cooperation, I successfully transported the books to the safe place.

Through this experience, I gained some insights: When I was in a dangerous situation, God’s words provided me with faith and courage, allowing me to persevere in my duties. At the same time, I saw how fearful I was and how much I valued my own life. I gained some understanding of my selfish and profit-motivated satanic disposition, and came to see death more clearly, becoming less scared. I became more steadfast in my faith to follow God and pursue a meaningful life. These insights are things I could not have gained in a comfortable environment.