By Harry, Spain

A few years ago, the church leaders arranged for me to make videos. They also said that there was a shortage of people making videos at the time, so they’d be giving me primary responsibility for this work. When I heard this, I was overjoyed, and thought to myself, “Seems like the leaders have a pretty high opinion of me. If I do this video work well, the brothers and sisters are certain to think well of me too.” So, I agreed readily. After a while, because I made quite a few videos, the brothers and sisters all looked up to me. I’d often be very happy that I was able to do this duty, and I felt as if I was a rare talent within the church. Although I was pretty busy, had to stay up really late every day, and the duty itself was pretty boring, I felt happy, and not weary at all.

A little later, the leaders arranged for Brother Liu Rui to come learn video production techniques with me. I saw that he had a keen mind and that he was a quick learner, and I also heard Brother Zhao Cheng who was with us at the gathering say that Liu Rui had good caliber, which made me feel somewhat uncomfortable, and think to myself, “Liu Rui is such a quick learner. If he surpasses me, won’t he outshine me? If he becomes more skilled than me, and everyone praises him, where would that leave me to stand? I’ll have to keep some of my tricks up my sleeve, I can’t teach him everything I know, or else the ‘student’ will starve the ‘master.’” To keep Liu Rui from learning too quickly, I started off by just showing him how I made the videos, but I held back on telling him about the details and essentials of the process. A few days later, I had him watch a few relevant tutorials and then got him to fumble about practicing by himself. I told him that this was how I’d learned, and that he’d only be able to make videos if he practiced well. He followed my instructions and spent his days fumbling about practicing by himself. In reality, I’d never intended to teach him how to make videos. I even thought to myself, “I’m not going to teach you any techniques, you can just watch some tutorials by yourself. If you aren’t able to learn anything and end up being unable to do anything, then the leaders will, of course, send you away.”

Some time passed, and Liu Rui still couldn’t make videos by himself because he was making such slow progress, and he began to feel pretty negative. When I saw this, I felt secretly happy, and thought to myself, “It’s a good thing that you’re unable to learn anything. Once the leaders see this, they’ll arrange for you to do some other duty, this way I won’t have to worry about anyone surpassing me.” But then I thought, “Liu Rui has been negative for a few days now. If I don’t help him, will he say that I don’t have good humanity and that I’m lacking in compassion?” To keep him from thinking I was intentionally holding him back and not teaching him any techniques, I came to him, pretending to comfort him, saying, “Brother, don’t worry, take your time. Learning these techniques takes a while. When I started out, I had to watch a lot of tutorial videos too. There are still lots of videos that need to be made. With more practice, you’ll definitely be able to make videos by yourself.” Outwardly, it seemed like I cared for Liu Rui, but behind his back, I talked about all his little flaws in front of Zhao Cheng, making Zhao Cheng develop an antipathy toward him and join me in excluding and isolating him. I thought that so long as we all just ignored Liu Rui, he wouldn’t be able to stay on and that he’d ask to leave of his own volition, and in that way, I wouldn’t have to do a duty with him. But Liu Rui never said he wanted to leave, and my attitude toward him became worse and worse. Most of the time, I didn’t even want to say a single thing to him. Later on, Zhao Cheng saw that my problems were pretty serious, so he fellowshipped with me and asked me to cooperate harmoniously with Liu Rui. I also felt that I’d gone a little too far and I felt kind of guilty. I felt like I shouldn’t be treating Liu Rui the way I was, but I was still afraid of him surpassing me if he learned some skills, so I remained unwilling to teach him. Later on, because Liu Rui was still unable to make videos by himself, the leaders arranged for him to go off and do another duty. Once Liu Rui had left, I didn’t feel as happy as I thought I would. Instead, I felt uncomfortable in a way I couldn’t quite describe. I couldn’t feel the presence of God, my heart was filled with darkness, and I felt like I was living in a daze. I had no good ideas as I was making videos and I found myself stumped by even straightforward problems, leading to videos often having to be reworked. I found myself feeling stifled and pained, and that I wasn’t as driven to do my duty as I had been before. Later on, I sought and opened up about my state with my brothers and sisters. They said that I placed too much importance on reputation and status, that I had an arrogant disposition, and that I didn’t have good humanity. It was pretty discomforting to hear this, but I finally started to reflect on myself. I’d really gone overboard with how I’d treated Liu Rui and this wasn’t something a person who believed in God would have done. I was completely lacking in humanity!

At this time, I began reading God’s word that exposes this aspect of people’s states. One day, I read God’s word saying: “Some people always fear that others are better than they are or above them, that other people will be recognized while they get overlooked, and this leads them to attack and exclude others. Is this not a case of being envious of people with talent? Is that not selfish and despicable? What kind of disposition is this? It is maliciousness! Those who only think about their own interests, who only satisfy their own selfish desires, without thinking about others or considering the interests of God’s house, have a bad disposition, and God has no love for them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). “Every one of you has risen to the pinnacle of the multitudes; you have ascended to be the ancestors of the masses. You are extremely arbitrary, and you run amok among all of the maggots, seeking a place of ease and attempting to devour the maggots that are smaller than you. You are malicious and sinister in your hearts, surpassing even the ghosts that have sunk to the bottom of the sea. You reside in the bottom of the dung, disturbing the maggots from top to bottom until they have no peace, fighting each other for a while and then calming down. You do not know your place, yet still you battle with each other in the dung. What can you gain from such struggle? If you truly had hearts of fear for Me, how could you fight with each other behind My back? No matter how high your status, are you not still a stinking little worm in the dung? Will you be able to sprout wings and become a dove in the sky?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. When Falling Leaves Return to Their Roots, You Will Regret All the Evil You Have Done). Each and every one of God’s words of judgment pierced my heart, and especially when I read God’s word saying “being envious of people with talent” “arbitrary” and “malicious and sinister in your hearts,” I really felt like God was before me, exposing me. I’d seen that Liu Rui had a keen mind and that he was a quick learner and I’d worried that he’d surpass me and then take my place once he’d learned all these skills. In order to protect my status, I not only refused to teach him, but I also deliberately stifled him, kept him from learning, and tried to rope in Zhao Cheng to exclude and isolate him as well, all so that he’d feel the duty was too difficult and want to leave. I had treated my brother as an enemy to protect my reputation and status. Seeing my exclusion causing my brother to become negative to the point of not wanting to learn anymore, not only did I not reflect on myself, but I felt happy instead. I even hoped that he would leave soon. Zhao Cheng pointed out my problem to me, but because I was so intransigent and placed so much importance on my own status, I never truly reflected on myself. As a result, Liu Rui remained unable to make videos by himself and got transferred to another duty. I was truly selfish, despicable and malicious!

Later on, I read God’s word that says: “Antichrists expropriate everything from the house of God and the property of the church, and treat them as their personal property, all of which is to be managed by them, and they do not permit anyone else to intervene in this. The only things they think about when doing the work of the church are their own interests, their own status, and their own pride. They do not allow anyone to harm their interests, much less do they allow anyone of caliber or anyone who is able to speak of their experiential testimony to threaten their reputation and status. … When someone distinguishes themselves with a little work, or when someone is able to speak of true experiential testimony, and God’s chosen people receive benefits, edification, and support from it, and it earns great praise from everyone, envy and hate grows in the hearts of the antichrists, and they try to exclude and suppress that person. They do not, under any circumstances, allow such people to undertake any work, in order to prevent them from threatening their status. … the antichrists think to themselves, ‘There’s no way I’m going to put up with this. You want to have a role in my domain, to compete with me. That’s impossible; don’t even think about it. You’re more educated than me, more articulate than me, more popular than me, and you pursue the truth with greater diligence than I do. If I were to cooperate with you and you stole my thunder, what would I do then?’ Do they consider the interests of the house of God? No” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). God’s word exposes that in order to gain status and make others look up to them, antichrists use any means at their disposal to oppress and exclude anybody capable of threatening their status, and that they have no consideration whatsoever for the work of the church. I saw that my actions were the actions of an antichrist and that I had been doing my duty solely to gain the admiration of others. I was afraid that Liu Rui would surpass me and take my place once he’d learned some skills, so I didn’t teach him, and judged and isolated him behind his back. I viewed this church work as my own enterprise. I wanted to do as I pleased, act wantonly, and use any means I had at my disposal to attack and exclude anybody who might constitute a threat to my status. I wasn’t considering the interests of the church at all. My desire for status really went to my head, and I lost all sense of reason! Now is a crucial time for spreading the gospel of the kingdom. We need to make more videos to testify to God’s appearance and work. If I’d taught Liu Rui everything I knew, he would have been able to bring his talents to the fore and if we had been able to work together harmoniously, the speed at which we made videos would have increased, and we would have been able to contribute our humble efforts to spreading the gospel of the kingdom, thus fulfilling our responsibilities and duties. But I’d just thought about how another partner would pose a threat to my status. I only cared about my own reputation and status, and I didn’t consider God’s intention or consider how the work of the church would be impacted whatsoever, nor did I consider my brother’s feelings. I preferred to delay duties rather than allow my status to be affected. I was truly selfish and lacking in humanity! I was willing to do whatever it took for the sake of my reputation and status, even at the cost of sacrificing the interests of the church. I was walking the path of an antichrist!

One day, during my spiritual devotion, I read more of God’s word: “God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, because the pursuit of status is a satanic disposition, it is a wrong path, it is born of the corruption of Satan, it is something condemned by God, and it is the very thing that God judges and purifies. God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, and yet you still mulishly compete for status, you unfailingly cherish and protect it, always trying to take it for yourself. And in nature, is all of this not antagonistic to God? Status is not ordained for people by God; God provides people with the truth, the way, and the life, and ultimately makes them become an acceptable created being, a small and insignificant created being—not someone who has status and prestige and is revered by thousands of people. And so, no matter what perspective it is viewed from, the pursuit of status is a dead end. No matter how reasonable your excuse for pursuing status is, this path is still the wrong one, and is not approved of by God. No matter how hard you try or how great the price you pay, if you desire status, God will not give it to you; if it’s not given by God, you will fail in fighting to obtain it, and if you keep fighting there will only be one outcome: You will be revealed and eliminated, and you will meet with a dead end” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). Reading God’s severe words, I realized that God’s righteous disposition brooks no offense, and when I thought about what I’d done, I was filled with fear. My pursuit of status was hated and detested by God, and it was a path leading to certain death! Without the church giving me a chance to practice making videos and the guidance of God, how would I have learned all these skills? The church had arranged for me to teach Liu Rui and I should have taught him everything I knew and cooperated with him to do the duty well. Only this would have accorded with God’s intention. God had hoped that I would have been able to pursue the truth in the course of my duty, that I would have been able to cast off my corrupt dispositions, and that I would have been able to fulfill the duty I should do to satisfy God. Only this was the right path and what I should have pursued in my faith in God. But I had not been pursuing the truth in my faith. Instead, I had been relying on satanic poisons like “There can only be one alpha male” and “Once a student knows everything the master knows, the master will lose his livelihood” to live my life. I viewed the skills I had as my private property, and I was unwilling to teach them to other brothers and sisters out of the fear that they would surpass me and that I would lose my status and others’ admiration as a result. I excluded and stifled others to stabilize my status. I was truly without conscience and reason! I thought about all the antichrists who had been expelled from the church. They all wanted sole power within the church, and to protect their status, they were willing to attack and exclude anyone they saw as a threat to their status. No matter how much they harmed others or how badly the church’s work was disturbed and damaged, they didn’t care even slightly. In the end, because of all the evils they committed, they were eliminated by God. I saw that the disposition my actions were revealing was no different from an antichrist’s; it was selfish and malicious, and hated and detested by God. This thought made me pretty scared, and I found myself filled with guilt and remorse. I fell before God and prayed, “Oh God, I have erred; I was blinded by status, lost all reason, and harmed my brother. God, I should not have done this, and I am willing to repent. If I do this again, please discipline me.”

Later on, the leaders arranged for two more brothers to come and cooperate with me. They asked me to teach them and said that this would make the video work progress faster and that it would help me by allowing me to share some of my workload. Hearing this, I thought to myself, “So they’re arranging for two people to come and learn at the same time; if I teach them everything I know, will they surpass me before long?” I was kind of worried and unwilling, but to save face, I had no choice but to agree to teach the two brothers. But while actually teaching them, I was still unwilling to share the key points and essentials that I had managed to master. I kept wanting to hold things back and only teach them basic techniques. But when I thought about doing it in this way, I felt very uneasy, and that what I was doing was selfish, despicable, and lacking in humanity. Later on, I read God’s word: “Nonbelievers have a certain kind of corrupt disposition. When they teach other people a piece of professional knowledge or a skill, they think, ‘Once a student knows everything the master knows, the master will lose his livelihood. If I teach everything I know to others, then no one will look up to me or admire me anymore and I will have lost all my status as a teacher. This will not do. I can’t teach them everything I know, I must hold something back. I’ll teach them only eighty percent of what I know and keep the rest up my sleeve; this is the only way to show that my skills are superior to those of others.’ What sort of disposition is this? It is deceitfulness. When teaching others, assisting them, or sharing with them something you studied, what attitude should you take? (I should spare no effort and hold nothing back.) How does one hold nothing back? If you say, ‘I don’t hold anything back when it comes to the things that I’ve learned, and I have no problem telling all of you about them. I am of a higher caliber than you anyway, and I can still comprehend more elevated things’—that is still holding back and it is quite calculating. Or if you say, ‘I’ll teach you all the basic things I’ve learned, it’s no big deal. I still have higher knowledge, and even if you learn all of this, you still won’t be as advanced as me’—that’s still holding something back. If a person is too selfish, they will be without God’s blessing. People should learn to be considerate of God’s intentions. You must contribute the most important and essential things that you have grasped to God’s house, so that God’s chosen ones can learn them and master them—that is the only way to attain God’s blessing, and He will bestow upon you even more things. As it is said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ Devote all of your talents and gifts to God, displaying them in the performance of your duty so that everyone can benefit, and achieve results in their duties. If you contribute your gifts and talents in their entirety, they will be beneficial to all those who do that duty, and to the work of the church. Do not just tell everyone some simple things and then think that you’ve done quite well or that you have not held anything back—this will not do. You only teach a few theories or things that people can understand literally, but the essence and important points are beyond the grasp of a novice. You only give an overview, without elaborating or going into detail, all the while still thinking to yourself, ‘Well, anyway, I’ve told you, and I haven’t intentionally held anything back. If you don’t understand, it’s because your caliber is too poor, so don’t blame me. We’ll just have to see how God leads you now.’ Such deliberation contains deceit, does it not? Is it not selfish and despicable? Why can’t you teach people everything in your heart and everything you understand? Why do you withhold knowledge instead? This is a problem with your intentions and your disposition. When most people are first introduced to some specific aspect of professional knowledge, they can only comprehend its literal meaning; it takes a period of practice before the main points and essence can be grasped. If you have already mastered these finer points, you should tell them to others directly; do not make them take such a roundabout path and spend so much time groping around. This is your responsibility; it is what you should do. You will only not be withholding anything, and not be selfish, if you tell them what you believe to be the main points and essence. When you teach skills to others, communicate with them about your profession, or fellowship about life entry, if you cannot resolve the selfish and despicable aspects of your corrupt dispositions, you won’t be able to perform your duties well, in which case, you are not someone who possesses humanity, or conscience and reason, or who practices the truth. You must seek the truth to resolve your corrupt dispositions, and reach the point where you are devoid of selfish motives, and only consider God’s intentions. In this way, you will have the truth reality. It is too tiring if people do not pursue the truth and live by satanic dispositions like the nonbelievers. Competition is rife among nonbelievers. Mastering the essence of a skill or a profession is no simple matter, and once someone else finds out about it, and masters it themselves, your livelihood will be at risk. In order to protect that livelihood, people are driven to act in this way—they must be cautious at all times. What they’ve mastered is their most valuable currency, it’s their livelihood, their capital, their lifeblood, and they mustn’t let anyone else in on it. But you believe in God—if you think this way and act this way in God’s house, there is nothing to distinguish you from a nonbeliever. If you do not accept the truth at all, and continue to live according to satanic philosophies, then you are not someone who truly believes in God. If you always have selfish motives and are petty-minded while performing your duty, you will not receive God’s blessing” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Having read God’s word, I realized that the satanic philosophy of “Once a student knows everything the master knows, the master will lose his livelihood” is a rule that nonbelievers live by, and that it is a selfish and despicable way of acting. When brothers and sisters perform a duty together, they rely on one another’s strengths to make up for their own weaknesses, and they cooperate to perform a duty well. As a person who believes in God, I should conduct myself and act in accordance with God’s word. I couldn’t rely on my corrupt disposition to do as I wanted. I had to allow the brothers and sisters to study properly, teach them the keys and essentials of making videos, and not hold anything back. I had to keep them from taking detours in their learning so that they’d be able to get started on video production sooner. These were the responsibilities and duties I was supposed to fulfill. This was God’s intention. Realizing these things, when it came time to teach the brothers again, I taught them all the keys and essentials I had come to master. After some time, they began to make some progress in video production. Because there were two more people to help, the efficiency of our duty also increased. Furthermore, in the process of teaching the brothers, my own skills were consolidated and strengthened. I learned that only by letting go of my own selfish and despicable intention, practicing the truth, thinking about how to do my duty well, and considering how to practice in a way that would benefit the work of the church and how to act in a way that would help my brothers and sisters, did I feel a sense of ease and peace.

Looking back, I realize I was living by satanic poisons, and that I was selfish and malicious. My actions and conduct weren’t beneficial to my brothers and sisters, or to the work of the church, rather, they were disturbing and destructive, and were really hurting God’s heart. It was God’s word that allowed me to gain some understanding of how malicious and selfish I was, and to understand what normal humanity is, what people who believe in God should pursue, how they should conduct themselves, and at the same time, it gave me some real understanding of God’s righteous disposition. While I was intransigent, rebellious, and living in my corrupt disposition, God hid His face from me, but when I repented and confessed to God and practiced in accordance with His word, He began to work on me again and He used His word to enlighten and illuminate me to know myself. I came to realize just how real and practical God’s salvation is!