By Zhou Yuqi, China

I did general affairs work in the church. Once, during a chat, I heard a church leader say, “Sister Zhen Xin has good caliber, a pure understanding of things, and fellowships practically on the truth. I’m planning to cultivate her for watering work.” Zhen Xin was elected as a leader not long after that. After hearing this news, my heart couldn’t help but sink. In the past, Zhen Xin and I both did general affairs work, but now, she’d become a leader, while I was still doing general affairs work. How could I be so lacking? I felt really down that whole morning and couldn’t focus on work. Later, the leader asked if I wanted to take over general affairs work from Zhen Xin. I was kind of upset. Although I’d gain the title of supervisor, it was still just general affairs work. No matter how well I did, no one would know, unlike being a leader, someone the church focuses on cultivating, and that the brothers and sisters all look up to and support. I felt that general affairs work was on a lower rung, so I didn’t really want to accept it. I worried about what the brothers and sisters would think of me if I took it on. Would they think I’d been doing general affairs work the whole time because over years of faith, I’d never pursued the truth or made progress? That would be so embarrassing! But on second thought, that duty came to me with God’s permission. Even if it wasn’t in line with my desires, I had to submit and not act based on personal preference, so I reluctantly replied to my leader that I was willing to accept that duty.

A little while later, I heard the leader say, “Brother Shang Jin has good caliber, and with a little more effort into his life entry, he can be a leader or worker. Put more effort into cultivating him.” Hearing this made me feel even worse. I supervised Shang Jin’s work, and even he was someone the leader wanted to cultivate. Why hadn’t anyone mentioned my name? I supervised his work, but I hadn’t been promoted—I was at a standstill. How would the others see me? Was I really that deficient? I had the ability to manage work, find out and solve problems. Sometimes, when the leader discussed things, I was able to express some opinions and make suggestions. Why couldn’t the leader see my strengths? If the leader just mentioned my name, said I could be cultivated, but I was needed to supervise general affairs work, that would prove I wasn’t that bad, and I’d feel better. For a few days, I got so upset whenever I thought about it. I felt completely listless, I didn’t want to talk to my brothers and sisters, and I didn’t bear a burden for my duty. When others reported problems to me, I didn’t give them careful thought like before.

One day, the leader asked me to deliver something to one of Zhen Xin’s group gatherings. I really didn’t want to go, afraid of what Zhen Xin would think of me. We did the same duty before, but now, she’d become a leader, while I was still doing general affairs work. Would she look down on me and think I was useless? But I worried it would hold up the work if I didn’t go, so I had to bite the bullet. When I got there, to keep Zhen Xin from recognizing me, I sat hunched over on the living room sofa, and buried my head in my phone for over half an hour. Some brothers and sisters talked to me, but I didn’t dare raise my head out of fear of being recognized by Zhen Xin. I felt utterly useless, and so awful I wanted to cry. I couldn’t help but run to another room, and cry silently while gazing at the night sky. I was thinking about not being worth cultivating. While others got to be leaders, I was stuck doing general affairs work. What was the point of living like this? I was startled when I caught myself thinking like this. How could I have such thoughts? At that moment, I vaguely recalled God’s words: “For antichrists, status and reputation are their life. … You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status.” I felt like these words described my state, so I found this passage and read it. Almighty God says: “For antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). From God’s words, I learned that in all they do, antichrists consider their own prestige and status first, never give up the pursuit of fame and status, and to them, status is as important as their very lives. I reflected on myself, “Why do I never want to do general affairs work? Why do I care so much about being a leader?” I realized the main reason was that I felt leaders had status. Not only did the brothers and sisters admire them, but the upper-level leaders valued them, and the church focused on cultivating them. I felt it was good to be a leader, to be able to show my face, and that only being a leader meant I had promise. I also felt general affairs work was just handling external affairs, that only those who didn’t pursue the truth did such duties, and no one looked up to them. Because of these mistaken ideas, when I saw everyone around me being promoted and cultivated, and some even being elected as leaders, it was a real blow to me, and I always wanted the leader to mention my name. But when the leader cultivated others instead of me, I became so miserable that I didn’t want to see anyone, and I no longer had any desire to do my duty. Spending every day tormented by prestige and status was horrible, to the point that I felt life wasn’t worth living. Wasn’t pursuing prestige and status like this walking the same path as an antichrist? Realizing this kind of scared me, so I quickly prayed to God to repent, “God, my desire for prestige and status is too strong. I don’t want to live in this rebellious state. Please guide me in freeing myself from the shackles of fame and status.”

One day, I read some of God’s words that helped me understand my mistaken perspective on pursuit. Almighty God says: “Do you always want to spread your wings and take flight, do you always wish to fly solo, to be an eagle rather than a little bird? What disposition is this? Is this the principle of human conduct? Your pursuit of human conduct should be based on God’s words; only God’s words are the truth. You have been too deeply corrupted by Satan, and always take traditional culture—the words of Satan—as the truth, as the object of your pursuit, which makes it easy for you to take the wrong path, to walk the path of resisting God. The thoughts and views of corrupt mankind, and the things they strive for are contrary to the desires of God, to the truth, and to the laws of God’s sovereignty over everything, His orchestration of everything, and His control over mankind’s fate. So no matter how proper and reasonable this kind of pursuit is according to human thoughts and notions, from God’s perspective they are not positive things, and they are not in line with His intentions. Because you go against the fact of God’s sovereignty over mankind’s fate, and because you wish to go solo, taking your fate into your own hands, you are always hitting walls, so hard that blood flows from your head, and nothing ever works out for you. Why does nothing work out for you? Because the laws that God established are inalterable by any created being. God’s authority and power are above all else, inviolable by any created being. People think far too much of their abilities. What is it that makes people always wish to be free of God’s sovereignty, and always wish to grab hold of their own fate and plan their own future, and wish to control their prospects, direction, and life goals? Where does this starting point come from? (A corrupt satanic disposition.) What then does a corrupt satanic disposition bring to people? (Opposition to God.) What comes of people opposing God? (Pain.) Pain? It is destruction! Pain isn’t the half of it. What you see right before your eyes is pain, negativity, and weakness, and it is resistance and complaints—what outcome will these things bring? Annihilation! This is no small matter, and it is no game. People who do not have a God-fearing heart can’t see this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. A Corrupt Disposition Can Only Be Resolved by Accepting the Truth). I was the same as what God’s words revealed. I wanted to be like an eagle, not a little bird, and I thought general affairs work made me like a little bird, someone not worth cultivating or being looked up to. Leaders, to me, were like eagles. They had potential, and were valued and looked up to by others. I lived by “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” “People should strive to achieve dignity,” and other such satanic poisons. I thought that in life, people had to keep striving, and the higher your status the better, otherwise you were a good-for-nothing. Under the control of these mistaken ideas, I couldn’t do my duty in a down-to-earth way, but I always pursued being a leader for others’ admiration. When I saw the brothers and sisters around me being chosen as leaders, I was miserable, resistant, and couldn’t accept it. I thought, “I’m no worse than anyone else. Why can other people be leaders, but I’m stuck doing general affairs work?” I thought general affairs work was for those who don’t pursue the truth, so I lived in negativity and started to muddle through and slacked off in my duty. My desire for status was too strong! I knew that each person’s caliber and what duties they can do are all preordained by God. My current duty was under God’s sovereignty and arrangements too, so I should accept it and submit. I always felt that no one valued me for doing general affairs work, and I became miserable, but that was because my views of pursuit were wrong and I was rebellious. I was unable to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, negative, and complaining. In essence, I was opposing, resisting, and rebelling against God. If I went on like that, I could only end up spurned by God.

After that, I read two passages of God’s words: “If you have a sense of burden toward church work, and wish to be involved in it, this is good; but you must reflect on whether you understand the truth, on whether you are able to fellowship the truth to resolve issues, on whether you are able to truly submit to the work of God, and on whether you are able to carry out church work properly according to work arrangements. If you meet these criteria, you may run to be a leader or a worker. What I mean by saying this is that at the very least, people must possess self-awareness. First look at if you are able to distinguish between different types of people, whether you can understand the truth and do things according to principle. If you meet these requirements, you are suitable to be a leader or a worker. If you are not capable of self-appraisal, you can ask the people around you who are familiar with you or close to you. If they all say that you are of insufficient caliber to be a leader, and that just doing your current job well is already good enough, then you should quickly come to know yourself. Since you are of poor caliber, don’t spend all your time wanting to be a leader—just do what you can, do your duty properly with both feet firmly on the ground, so that you can have peace of mind. This, too, is good. And if you are capable of being a leader, if you are truly possessed of such caliber and aptitude, if you possess work capability, and have a sense of burden, then you are precisely the kind of talent the house of God lacks, and you are certain to be promoted and cultivated; but there is the time of God in all things. This wish—the wish to be promoted—is not ambition, but you must have the caliber, and meet the criteria, to be a leader. If you are of poor caliber yet still spend all your time wanting to be a leader, or to take on some important task, or to be responsible for overall work, or to do something that allows you to distinguish yourself, then I tell you: This is ambition. Ambition can bring disaster, so you should be wary of it. People all have a desire to make progress and are all willing to strive toward the truth, which is not a problem. Some people have caliber, meet the criteria for being leaders, and are able to strive toward the truth, and this is a good thing. Others are not possessed of caliber, so they should stick to their own duty, performing the duty that is right in front of them properly and doing it according to principle, and according to the requirements of God’s house; for them, that’s better, safer, more realistic” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). “People must have the correct understanding and attitude toward promotion and cultivation; in these matters, they must seek the truth, and not follow their own will, or have ambitions and desires. If you feel that you are of good caliber but the house of God has never promoted you, nor has any plans to cultivate you, then don’t get frustrated or start complaining, just focus on pursuing the truth and striving forward. When you have some stature and are able to do real work, God’s chosen people will naturally select you to be leader. And if you feel that you are of poor caliber, and that you don’t stand any chance of being promoted or cultivated, and that it is impossible for your ambitions to be achieved, is this not something good? This will protect you! Since you are of poor caliber, if you encounter a group of blind muddlers who choose you to be their leader, are you not going to be walking over hot coals? You are incapable of doing any work and your eyes and mind are blind. Everything you do is a disruption; your every move is evildoing. You’d be better off doing the work of your current duty well; at least you won’t embarrass yourself, and it’s better than being a false leader and being the target of criticism behind the scenes. As a person, you must have the measure of yourself, you must have a little self-awareness; if you do, you will be able to avoid taking the wrong path and making serious mistakes” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). Reading God’s words was moving for me. I always felt I was better than the brothers and sisters around me, and I wanted to be a leader, but was I really suitable for that? Did I really have the caliber to be a leader? Leaders must pursue the truth, be capable in work, and have good humanity. Not just anyone can be a leader. If you don’t have the qualifications to be a leader and can’t do real work, even if you become one, you won’t remain one for long, and some become false leaders. I had actually been responsible for the church’s work before, but because my caliber was low and I wasn’t very capable, I couldn’t do real work or solve others’ problems and difficulties in life entry, and I ended up being reassigned. In terms of caliber and work ability, I really wasn’t qualified to be a leader. In comparison, I was fairly skilled at general affairs work, I could do some real work in that area. The church arranges work based on each person’s caliber and strengths. This way people can play their part properly, and it benefits the work of the church. But I didn’t know my own measure. I clearly lacked the caliber and qualifications to be a leader, yet I always felt I was talented and superior to others, and I always wanted to be promoted. When I saw the leader cultivating others but not me, I felt disgruntled that the leader didn’t value me, and I became perfunctory in my duty, negative and hostile toward God. I was so arrogant and lacking self-knowledge! Seeing this, I felt very guilty, and I became able to treat my current duty correctly and willing to stand in my own place and do my duty in a down-to-earth manner.

Later, I heard a hymn of God’s word “I’m Just a Tiny Created Being”:

1 Oh God! Whether I have status or not, I now understand myself. If my status is high it is because of Your elevation, and if it is low it is because of Your ordination. Everything is in Your hands. I have neither any choices, nor any complaints. You ordained that I would be born in this country and among this people, and all that I should do is to be completely submissive under Your dominion because everything is within what You have ordained.

2 I do not give thought to status; after all, I am but a created being. If You place me in the bottomless pit, in the lake of fire and brimstone, I am nothing but a created being. If You use me, I am a created being. If You perfect me, I am yet a created being. If You do not perfect me, I will still love You because I am no more than a created being.

3 I am nothing more than a minuscule created being of the Lord of creation, just one among all created humans. It was You who created me, and now You have once again placed me in Your hands to do with me as You will. I am willing to be Your tool and Your foil because everything is what You have ordained. No one can change it. All things and all events are in Your hands.

—The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Why Are You Unwilling to Be a Foil?

As I contemplated the words of God, my heart was brightened. My status, high or low, was preordained by God, and whether or not I had status, I was just a paltry created being. I was a created being if I had high status, and I was still a created being if I had low status. My essence wouldn’t change. The church arranged for me to do general affairs work, so I should take my own place, make full use of my strengths, and do my best to do the work well. This was my obligation as a created being. This realization gave me a sense of release, and I silently prayed to God, “God! I don’t want to be negative and oppose You anymore. Regardless of my status, I’ll submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements and fulfill my duty.” After that, I no longer resisted the situations arranged by God. I contemplated how to do my current duty well and do my work pragmatically. I felt really at ease when I put this into practice.

Later, I reflected and realized there was another reason I didn’t want to do general affairs work, which was that I was holding on to an absurd view. I thought people who did general affairs work didn’t pursue the truth, that they were on a lower rung and had no hope of salvation, and that only those who were cultivated and had important roles pursued the truth, and had a chance to be saved. I read more of God’s words that addresses this fallacious view. Almighty God says: “In the house of God, there is constant mention of accepting God’s commission and performing one’s duty properly. How does duty come into being? To speak broadly, it comes into being as a result of God’s management work of bringing salvation to humanity; to speak specifically, as God’s management work unfolds among mankind, various work appears that requires people to cooperate and complete it. This has given rise to responsibilities and missions for people to fulfill, and these responsibilities and missions are the duties God bestows upon mankind. In God’s house, the various tasks that require people’s cooperation are the duties they should perform. So, are there differences between duties in terms of better and worse, lofty and lowly, or great and small? Such differences do not exist; as long as something has to do with God’s management work, is a requirement of the work of His house, and is required by spreading God’s gospel, then it is a person’s duty. This is the origin and definition of duty. … Regardless of what your duty is, it is a mission God has given you. Sometimes you may be required to look after or safeguard an important object. This might be a comparatively trivial matter that can only be said to be a responsibility of yours, but it is a task God has given you; you accepted it from Him. You accepted it from God’s hands, and this is your duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). “It is not the case that people become someone who has truth realities as soon as they start doing their duty. Doing one’s duty is no more than one method and one channel to take. In the doing of their duties, people use the pursuit of the truth to experience the work of God, gradually understand and accept the truth, and then practice the truth. They then reach a state where they cast off their corrupt disposition, get rid of the bonds and control of the corrupt disposition of Satan, and so they become someone who has the truth reality and someone with a normal humanity. Only when you have normal humanity will your performance of your duty and your actions be edifying to people and satisfactory to God. And only when people are approved of by God for their performance of their duty can they be an acceptable created being” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Gain the Truth, One Must Learn From the People, Events, and Things Nearby). God’s words reversed my fallacious view of my duty. I learned that duties arise from God’s management work to save mankind, and there is no distinction between high and low, or great and small. No matter what the duty, it is an obligation and responsibility for people, and we must do our best to complete it. The church’s work requires cooperation between those doing every duty. Each one is indispensable. Before, I didn’t understand the truth. I followed my notions, thinking general affairs work was lowly and I had no hope of receiving salvation. That’s entirely a misunderstanding of God. Actually, whether someone can be saved has nothing to do with their status or duty. It is not the case that being a leader means you’ll possess the truth and be saved. If I became a leader but didn’t pursue the truth or act out of principles, I’d end up dismissed and eliminated. I thought of the antichrists and false leaders who had been revealed. The church cultivated them for important duties, but they didn’t pursue the truth. They pursued prestige and status, engaged in a personal enterprise, were hostile to God’s house, and in the end, they were eliminated. God is righteous. He doesn’t determine people’s outcomes based on whether they were cultivated or valued, or whether they had high status. It’s based on whether they’ve gained the truth and changed their life disposition. This is God’s standard for determining if someone can be saved.

My experience during that time showed me a little more clearly the nature of the pursuit of prestige and status. Pursuing fame and status is not the right path, but is resisting God. Nothing matters more than pursuing the truth. In addition, it also gave me a little self-knowledge, a correct view of myself, and my desire to pursue being a leader isn’t so strong anymore. When I hear about certain brothers and sisters being chosen as leaders, although it still affects me emotionally sometimes, I can handle it appropriately, I am no longer so constrained, and I can cooperate with my brothers and sisters in my duty normally. Thank God!