By Li Qian, China

In late August of 2020, I was selected as a church leader and partnered with Xin Ran. In early September, our superior called Xin Ran to a meeting out of town while I remained at the church with a few deacons to handle the various church tasks. At that time, we saw that watering work was rather ineffective, mainly because the supervisor failed to follow up on work in a timely manner. We prepared to fellowship with the supervisor to resolve the problem, but when we sent a letter to Xin Ran about it, she rejected our suggestion outright and told us to wait until she returned to talk about it. I thought, “It’s just fellowship with the supervisor. Why should we wait for you to come back?” But then I thought maybe Xin Ran knew about other problems of the supervisor that we didn’t and wanted to resolve it together with us. Thinking of this, I didn’t say any more. But a few days later, Xin Ran returned from the meeting and didn’t explain at all. At the time, I thought she was a little arrogant, because before she came back, it would have been fine for us to fellowship with the supervisor about these issues. Was there any reason we couldn’t do the work without her? Later, when we discussed work at our meeting, I found that she was speaking down to us and simply giving us orders, as if she didn’t see the need to discuss things with us. I made some suggestions on our work, but she denied them without a thought. Some of the suggestions had no problems at all, but she deliberately found faults with them and made us do as she wanted. For example, when I investigated the work of some teams, I found some problems, and suggested that I fellowship with the supervisors to resolve them, but Xin Ran strongly insisted that I didn’t need to go, and said she herself would meet with them when she wasn’t busy. And I was most familiar with the state of work on those teams than she did, so I repeated my suggestion, but she still insisted that I do as she asked. That made me very uncomfortable, and I thought, “We are partners, but she always has the final say, and there is no room for negotiation. She rejects all of my suggestions, and in the end, I still have to listen to her. Are none of my suggestions appropriate? Or is she too arrogant?” But I saw how forceful she was, and I knew she had been a leader longer than me, so she should know the situation better than me. So I decided to do it her way, and I didn’t say anything more.

After that, we split up to meet with different teams. When I met with watering workers, the person in charge, Sister Wang, said there were more and more newcomers recently, and watering workers were too busy, and asked if we could arrange leaders and workers to water the newcomers part-time. That would ensure the newcomers were watered in a timely manner. I thought Sister Wang’s suggestion was good, so I adopted it. Unexpectedly, when Xin Ran found out, the same day, she wrote a very harsh letter and sent it to all the watering workers. The letter accused me of planning badly and making work chaotic. She also dealt with Sister Wang, scolding her between the lines, saying that we arbitrarily made arrangements and acted as we pleased, which interrupted and disturbed church work and was very serious. This letter was like a blow to the head. It caused my heart to leap from my chest. I was arbitrary? I disrupted church work? I was instantly stunned, and I feared I might have gone astray and caused a disruption. Especially when I realized all brothers and sisters could read this letter, it felt especially embarrassing. What did everyone think of me now? How would I face them in the future? I was miserable, and it felt as if I had been condemned. I thought, “Even if we really made a mistake, you could fellowship with us on the principles and let us know where we went wrong so we could fix the problem. Why did you just write a letter to everyone and not fellowship with us?” I couldn’t help but cry. At the time, I was negative for two days over this. Afterwards, it was only by eating and drinking God’s word that my state improved a bit. I had a vague feeling in my heart that Xin Ran had a terrible temper, and I had to be careful with her in the future and not anger her. Otherwise, I didn’t know when she might punish and humiliate me. The trauma remained in my mind after that. I always felt that if I didn’t listen to her or refuted her, she would do something to harm me. I always felt a vague fear.

Then, I learned that Xin Ran insisted on meeting with the supervisors of each team by herself, but because the time wasn’t arranged well, it was delayed for several days, and many tasks were not arranged and implemented in time. I thought she would share the lessons she learned from this matter at the meeting, or talk about the deviations and mistakes in arranging work, so I was surprised when she didn’t mention it. A few days later, our superior sent a letter to fellowship on the relevant principles, which said it was appropriate for me to arrange the leaders and workers to water the newcomers part-time. This way, we could accrue more good deeds and the newcomers could be watered quickly, which was beneficial to church work. I thought Xin Ran would reflect on herself and realize her mistake when she found out, but she seemed completely unconcerned. She simply glanced at me contemptuously and turned away. I thought, “She has made mistake after mistake in her duty, yet she doesn’t know herself at all. It’s dangerous for her to go on like this.” I looked at her lofty demeanor and thought of how she forcefully denied every suggestion given to her, never mind her attitude when others pointed out her problems. That, plus how harshly she scolded me last time, made me feel afraid and constrained, and I didn’t dare to mention it to her.

During that time, work was conducted and arranged by Xin Ran alone. Although the two of us were partners, she never communicated or discussed things with me. She was in charge of everything, and she alone had the final say. When discussing work, after I and a few deacons expressed our views, she always nitpicked problems with our point of view, then simply reframed our ideas, and finally gave her own “lofty opinion.” As time went on, we all began to feel we were inferior to her, and that Xin Ran was more thoughtful, capable, and able to see matters clearly than us, so most of the time, we acquiesced to her point of view and did what she said. Also, when Xin Ran deliberately found faults or outright denied my suggestions, she was very aggressive, so I always had a kind of fear. It felt that if I didn’t listen to her, she would do something vicious to me, so I involuntarily compromised and didn’t dare to go against her. Because she always rejected me, over time, even when I had some ideas, I didn’t want to share them. Later, I became more and more passive in my duty and I no longer sought how to be most effective in my duty. I was just like a puppet. I had no thoughts and no points of view when dealing with the various issues in my work. I waited for Xin Ran’s orders to do anything, and I did whatever she wanted. Several deacons were also in this state. During that time, I became increasingly passive. I knew God hated my state and was hiding His face from me, but I didn’t know how to change it, and it felt like torment.

During those few days, we received a letter from our superior leader saying some brothers and sisters had been arrested recently. For safety, we were asked to divide into two groups and not all be in one place. This would avoid us all being arrested at once, which could delay work. At the time, Xin Ran wasn’t there, so I discussed it with a few deacons. I felt it was a good plan, but the deacons felt that separating made it harder to discuss work, so in the end, we couldn’t make a decision. They wanted to wait until Xin Ran returned to decide. I thought, “It’s just splitting into groups, not a major question of principle, and considering the safety issues, it’s a good idea to separate.” But no one dared to decide. They insisted on waiting for Xin Ran to agree. I saw how much everyone worshiped Xin Ran, how everyone waited for her to arrange things and decide, how they listened to her orders, and I realized the problem with her was serious. Afterwards, I told a deacon, Sister Li, about my state and the problems I had discovered with Xin Ran. I was surprised when she said she also felt constrained by Xin Ran. She always felt afraid of Xin Ran and didn’t dare to go against her. She also said Xin Ran deliberately magnified her shortcomings, and scolded her in front of others to make her look bad. Then Sister Li added, “We can see Xin Ran’s problem, but if we don’t discern it, expose it, and practice the truth, we will be forsaken by the Holy Spirit.” I agreed when I heard her say that. I thought of a passage of God’s word. “Those within the church who practice the truth are cast out, unable to give their all, while those who disturb the church and spread death run rampage within—and, what’s more, most people follow them. Such churches are ruled by Satan, plain and simple; the devil is their king. If the congregants do not rise up and reject the head demons, then they, too, will sooner or later come to ruin. From now on, measures must be taken against such churches. If those who are capable of practicing a little of the truth do not seek to, then that church will be expunged. If a church contains no one who is willing to practice the truth and no one who can stand witness for God, then that church should be completely isolated, and its connections with other churches must be severed. This is called ‘burying death’; this is what it means to cast out Satan” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). Thinking about this passage of God’s word, I was very afraid. God’s word precisely revealed our current state. Xin Ran had the final say and held the power in the church, but no one dared to expose her and no one dared to stand forth and practice the truth. Instead, we all listened to her, followed her, and allowed her to have the final say. How could we be said to have a place for God in our hearts? How could we not make God hate and despise us like this? If we went on like this, eventually, we would be rejected by God and completely lose the work of the Holy Spirit. I had clearly seen that Xin Ran violated principles and acted arbitrarily. She had the final say in everything, behaved tyrannically, and didn’t listen to the advice of her co-workers at all. When others pointed out her problems, she didn’t accept, and didn’t reflect on herself, but I feared offending her and being dealt with and suppressed by her. I didn’t dare bring it up. I always listened to her and obeyed her, which caused delays, disrupted church work, and made me an accomplice of Satan. This realization caused me deep regret and remorse. I thought, “I have to practice the truth and expose her. I can’t be resigned like this anymore.”

But then, something else unexpected happened to me. One day, when Xin Ran returned from a meeting, she said angrily with a sullen face, “There are two team supervisors who can’t work well with others and always criticize others. They are going to be dismissed.” Hearing this shocked me. I knew a little about these supervisors. Although they sometimes showed an arrogant disposition, they could both accept the truth and do practical work. They only exposed corruptions and failed to cooperate harmoniously, but fellowship on the truth could resolve the problem. How could they be dismissed just like that? Wouldn’t it delay church work to arbitrarily dismiss people who can do practical work? This time, I could no longer blindly follow her and be a coward. I said, “For something so important, we need to seek about how to practice properly. We can’t just replace them at will.” Then, I went to the church to investigate the situation. I was surprised to find out they had already been replaced. I investigated and found out they weren’t targets for dismissal at all. I was shocked and angry, and I thought, “In such a major matter, Xin Ran made a decision without discussing it with anyone. This is just despotic!” I wrote a letter to point out Xin Ran’s problem, but she didn’t understand herself at all. Later, I learned that a deacon Sister Liang, was originally proactive and responsible in her duty, but recently, Xin Ran had often attacked and belittled her, so her state was very negative, and she felt she couldn’t continue as a deacon. Hearing this made me very sad. I saw that Xin Ran’s arrogance, tyrannical behavior, and constant attacks and constraints for others did nothing but make others feel negative and miserable. She was unquestionably an evildoer. I had to stand up to expose and stop her. I couldn’t let her do whatever she wanted. However, when I really had to face her, I was still a little timid.

After that, I read a passage of God’s word. “If the truth has not become your life, and you still live within your satanic disposition, then when you discover wicked people and devils who cause interruptions and disturbances to the work of God’s house, you will turn a blind eye and a deaf ear; you will brush them aside, without reproach from your conscience. You will even think that someone causing disturbances to the work of God’s house has nothing to do with you. No matter how much the work of the church and the interests of the house of God suffer, you don’t care, intervene, or feel guilty—which makes you someone who has no conscience or sense, a nonbeliever, a service-doer. You eat what is God’s, drink what is God’s, and enjoy all that comes from God, yet feel that any harm to the interests of the house of God is not related to you—which makes you a traitor who bites the hand that feeds you. If you do not protect the interests of the house of God, are you even human? This is a demon that has insinuated itself into the church. You feign belief in God, pretend to be a chosen one, and you want to freeload in God’s house. You are not living the life of a human being, and are clearly one of the nonbelievers. If you are someone who truly believes in God, then even if you have yet to gain the truth and life, at the very least you will speak and act from the side of God; at the very least, you will not stand idly by when you see the interests of the house of God being compromised. When you have the urge to turn a blind eye, you will feel guilty, and ill at ease, and will say to yourself, ‘I can’t sit here and do nothing, I must stand up and say something, I must take responsibility, I must reveal this evil behavior, I must stop it, so that the interests of the house of God are not harmed, and the church life is not disturbed.’ If the truth has become your life, then not only will you have this courage and resolve, and will you be capable of understanding the matter completely, but you will also fulfill the responsibility you should bear for God’s work and for the interests of His house, and your duty will thereby be fulfilled” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Those Who Practice the Truth Are God-Fearing). I saw in God’s word that when some people see the interests of God’s house suffer, it doesn’t bother them at all. Such people are simply subhuman. The knowledge of this cut deep, because this is how I had behaved. I saw Xin Ran’s problem clearly, but I never dared to stand up to expose her and stop her. Because she always found fault with me and denied my viewpoints, and stood above me to lecture and attack me, I was afraid of her and dared not offend her. To protect myself, I simply went along and degraded myself. I even thought that if I was obedient and submissive to her, she wouldn’t suppress and punish me. As long as I could protect myself, I was willing to be dominated and be at her mercy. I lived in this state with no consideration for the interests of God’s house. The way she went against principles and acted like a tyrant had already affected church work, but I didn’t dare stand up and expose her. Even when she attacked and dominated people everywhere, seized power, and had the final say, I didn’t dare to oppose her and stop her wicked deeds. The state of my servility was serious. I was nothing but a useless coward who lived in degradation. How could I have any dignity like this? I enjoyed the watering and supply of God’s words, and everything that comes from God, but I always tried to protect myself and couldn’t practice truth to protect the church’s interests. I was unworthy of being called human. Thinking of this, I felt very upset and guilty. I hated myself for being so selfish and deceitful. I thought, “I can’t go on like this anymore. This time, even if she punishes me and takes revenge, I have to stand up, expose her evil deeds, and safeguard the work of God’s house. This is my responsibility.”

When I returned, in response to Xin Ran’s arbitrary dismissal of the two supervisors, I exposed her violation of principles and tyrannical behavior. But before I could say a word, she interrupted me, and said I couldn’t cooperate harmoniously with her. At this moment, several deacons also exposed her suppressing and domineering behavior. Finally, faced with the facts, she couldn’t refute them, so she said she just hadn’t recognized the problems we told her about, and that she would seek in the future. Finally, with a smile on her face, she said, “With my high caliber, I can’t help being arrogant.” I was speechless when I heard that. She was completely unreasonable. After that, the two deacons fellowshiped and helped Xin Ran twice, hoping that she could repent, but Xin Ran didn’t accept it at all, and even attacked the two sisters by saying they were dealing with her. When I saw that Xin Ran didn’t accept the truth at all and had no understanding of her evil deeds, I realized her problem was serious.

Afterwards, I wondered about something. We were grounded down by Xin Ran to the point of being so weak that we didn’t want to perform our duties. What exactly was going on? Later, after reading God’s word, I finally gained some discernment of the means and essence behind what Xin Ran did. God’s words say, “Antichrists have motives and goals behind all of the means they use against those who pursue the truth. Rather than seeking to safeguard the work of God’s house, their purpose is to safeguard their own power and status, as well as their position and image in the hearts of God’s chosen people. These methods and behaviors are disruptions and disturbances to the work of God’s house, and they also have a destructive effect on church life. Is this not the most common manifestation of an antichrist’s evil deeds? In addition to these evil deeds, antichrists do something even more despicable, which is that they always try to figure out how to gain leverage over those who pursue the truth. For example, if some people have fornicated or committed some other transgression, antichrists seize on these as leverage to attack them, look for opportunities to insult, expose, and slander them, label them to discourage their enthusiasm for performing their duties so that they feel negative. Antichrists also cause God’s chosen people to discriminate against them, shun them, and reject them, so that those who pursue the truth are isolated. In the end, when all those who pursue the truth feel negative and weak, no longer actively perform their duties, and are unwilling to attend meetings, the goal of antichrists is achieved. Once those who pursue the truth no longer pose a threat to their status and power, and no one dares to report or expose them anymore, antichrists can feel at ease. … What do antichrists think that makes them capable of such wickedness? ‘If those who pursue the truth often listen to sermons, they may see through my actions one day, and then they will definitely expose me and replace me. While they perform their duties, my status, prestige, and reputation are under threat. It’s better to strike first, find opportunities to seize on leverage to harass and condemn them, and make them passive, so that they lose any desire to perform their duties. Antichrists also provoke conflicts between the leaders and workers and those who pursue the truth, so that the leaders and workers hate them, avoid them, and no longer value or promote them. That way, they will no longer have any desire to pursue the truth or perform their duties. It’s best if those who pursue the truth remain passive.’ This is the goal that antichrists wish to achieve” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. They Exclude and Attack Those Who Pursue the Truth). Through reading God’s word, I saw that antichrists regard power as life and have a strong desire for status. They worry that those who pursue the truth will understand it and discern them, and will gain the support and approval of the brothers and sisters, so to consolidate their position and power, antichrists deliberately seek leverage to attack and belittle those who pursue the truth to make them negative, lose confidence, and unable to perform their duties normally. This way, they can remain in power and have the final say. I realized this is what Xin Ran did. She always found fault with us, seized on our problems with cynicism and sarcasm, and deliberately embarrassed and demeaned us in front of our brothers and sisters, which made us feel that we couldn’t do practical work, and made us weak and unable to perform our duties. The public letter she wrote belittling and condemning me for absurd understanding and doing things arbitrarily made me feel especially attacked. I had been scared of her ever since. I was terrified I would disagree with her in something and be publicly belittled and reprimanded by her again, so I tried my best to follow her, didn’t dare offend her again, and didn’t dare go against her will again or discern and expose her. She used the same methods on the deacons, making everyone bow their heads and think they needed to reflect on themselves, so that no one was able to discern her, everyone felt constrained and listened to her, and no one dared object to her decisions. This was how she achieved her goal of holding power alone. Xin Ran’s words and actions were especially sinister, cunning, and vicious. All she said and did were just like an antichrist.

I also wondered, since we were all suppressed by her, why did we still look up to her and listen to her in the end, and why didn’t we dare make decisions without her there? How did she deceive and control us to such a degree? Later, I read another passage of God’s word. “One of the most common signs of antichrists controlling people is that within the scope of their control, they alone have the final say. If the antichrist is not present, no one else dares to make up their mind or make a decision. If the antichrist is not present, everyone else is like children without a mother. They have no idea how to pray or seek, nor how to discuss things together. They are just like puppets or dead people. We won’t go into details about what kind of speech antichrists use to control people. They certainly have sayings and methods, and the results achieved are reflected in the various manifestations of these people under their control. … For example, if you put forward a suggestion that is reasonable, everyone should continue to fellowship about this correct plan. This is the right path, and it is loyalty and responsibility to one’s duty. However, an antichrist will wonder, ‘Why didn’t I think of your plan?’ They admit the plan is correct in their mind, but will they accept it? Due to their nature, they will never accept your correct suggestion. They will definitely try to reject your plan and then put forward another. They will make you feel that your plan is completely unworkable, so that you feel you can’t leave the antichrist, that only when the antichrist works does anyone else have a role to play, that if they are not present, no work can be done well, and that without the antichrist, everyone else is useless and will not be able to do anything. The methods of antichrists are always unconventional and high-sounding when they do things. No matter how correct another’s suggestion may be, they will always reject it. Even if another person’s suggestion is consistent with their ideas, if the antichrist doesn’t propose it first, they will definitely refuse to accept or implement it. Instead, the antichrist will do their utmost to belittle, deny, and condemn the suggestion until the person who offered it feels their idea is wrong and admits it. Only then does the antichrist stop. Antichrists like to build themselves up and belittle others so that others worship them and put them at the center of things. Antichrists allow only themselves to blossom, and for others to only ever serve as the backdrop that allows them to stand out. Antichrists believe that everything they say and do is right, while everything others say and do is wrong. They often put forward novel viewpoints to deny other people’s views and practices, they nitpick and find problems with other people’s opinions, and they disrupt or reject other people’s plans, so that everyone is made to listen to them and act according to their methods. They use these methods and means to continually deny you, attack you, and make you feel you are not good enough, so that you increasingly become submissive to them, look up to them, and admire them, until finally you are completely under their control. This is the process by which antichrists subdue and control people” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. They Deceive, Draw In, Threaten, and Control People). After reading God’s words, my heart was brightened. In the past, when Xin Ran always denied our point of view, I just thought she was arrogant, but I didn’t discern her intentions and the nature of her actions. Only after reading God’s words did I know that every time Xin Ran denied our point of view, she was especially skilled at picking out problems in our point of view and refuting them, making us feel our advice might not be appropriate. She then synthesized an idea on this basis, or offered some lofty theory, and after a while, we felt we were inferior to her, and thought she saw things more deeply and insightfully. Not only did we fail to discern her, we increasingly admired her, until finally we involuntarily rejected ourselves. We felt our ideas and suggestions were basically useless, that it was pointless to mention them, and that we should just listen to her. In this, she had achieved her goal of controlling people’s thoughts. After a long time under this control, we stopped seeking and thinking when things happened to us. In the end, we lost our minds, and we were like puppets, and we were completely useless in our duties. Now I understood that this was a means antichrists use to achieve dominion and control over people. Xin Ran had used this method to control us, to make us listen to her and obey her. Xin Ran was so insidious, cunning, and evil!

Later, I read another passage of God’s words. “If someone is smart, always uses schemes in the things they do and say, is formidable, and when you are with them, they always want to control and manage you, then do you feel in your heart that this person is kindhearted or vicious? (Vicious.) You become afraid of them, and think, ‘This person always wants to control me. I have to get away from them as soon as I can. If I don’t do what they say, they’ll think up a way to harm me in secret and maybe punish me.’ You can sense their disposition is vicious, can’t you? (Yes.) How can you sense it? (They always make people do things according to their demands and ideas.) Is it wrong for them to demand others to do things in this way? Is it necessarily wrong when other people demand that you do something? Is this logic correct? Is this in accordance with the truth? (It is not.) Is it their methods or disposition that make you feel uncomfortable? (Their disposition.) That’s right, their disposition makes you feel uncomfortable, and makes you feel that this disposition comes from Satan, that it does not accord with the truth, and that it is disturbing, controlling and binding to you. Not only does it make you feel uncomfortable, but it makes you feel fear in your heart, and makes you think that if you don’t do what they say, there is a possibility that they could ‘sort you out.’ The disposition of this kind of person is so vicious! They don’t just casually say something—they want to control you. They make such strong demands of you to do things, and demand that you do them a certain way. This implies a certain type of disposition. They don’t just demand that you do something, they also want to control your entire being. If they control you, you will become their puppet, and a doll for them to manipulate. They are happy when what you want to say, what you do and how you do it depends entirely upon them. When you perceive this disposition, what do you feel in your heart? (I feel afraid.) And when you feel afraid, how can you define this disposition of theirs? Is it responsible, is it kindhearted, or is it vicious? You will feel it is vicious. When you perceive someone’s disposition to be vicious, do you feel enjoyment, or do you feel hatred, aversion, and fear? (Hatred, aversion, and fear.) These bad feelings arise. When you feel hatred, aversion, and fear, do you feel liberated and free, or do you feel bound? (Bound.) Where do these kinds of sentiments and feelings come from? They come from Satan” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). After reading God’s words, I understood why I was so afraid of Xin Ran and didn’t dare to defy her or go against her. It was mainly that when Xin Ran dealt with me and denied me, she had a vicious disposition that made me feel constrained and oppressed. I felt that if I didn’t listen to her, she would suppress and punish me. Actually, I was being controlled by her vicious disposition. Xin Ran attacked and belittled us with her vicious disposition, deliberately found flaws, and denied our views. Her purpose was to make us compromise, and finally become her puppets. It was to make everyone listen to her, eliminate disobedience, and thus achieve her goal of holding complete power. Her desire to control was too strong.

Later, the deacons and I fellowshiped on God’s word together. The more we spoke, the brighter our hearts became. We had some discernment of Xin Ran’s methods of deceiving, controlling, and suppressing us, and we saw that Xin Ran’s nature was arrogant and vicious. To consolidate her position and power, she used means to suppress and control people. Among the brothers and sisters, she had to have the final say. Because she often violated principles and acted arbitrarily, she caused disruption and damage to the church’s work. Despite exposure and fellowship multiple times, she didn’t accept it at all or understand and repent. Based on God’s word, we could discern with certainty that Xin Ran was an antichrist, and had to be dismissed, isolated for observation. Therefore, we passed our determination to our superiors on the same day, and later, after investigating and confirming, they discovered Xin Ran’s other evil deeds, determined that she was an antichrist, and expelled her. After she was expelled, our brothers and sisters were very happy. We saw that God is righteous and that the truth rules in God’s house. At the same time, I also felt regret and remorse. I realized my own nature was deceitful and selfish, and my desire to protect myself was strong. I was willing to be oppressed and enslaved by her rather than seek the truth, discern her, and expose her, and I tacitly condoned her evil deeds and disruption of church work, meaning I had a share in her evil. I also experienced that as leaders and workers, we must uphold the principles of truth and dare to expose antichrists and evildoers, because this is the only way we can safeguard the church work and do our duty well. Thanks be to God!