By Bing Qi, China

In 2022, the church leader arranged for me to water some new believers who were of quite good caliber. Inwardly I was flattered by this, feeling that for me to be regarded so highly by the leaders that they had chosen me for this duty over all the other waterers, it must mean that I was doing pretty well. Two months later, a new sister named Chen Dan joined our team. She was of pretty good caliber, she had the ability to comprehend, and she made rapid progress. When watering new believers, she fellowshipped the truths quite clearly and thoroughly, and she also had the ability to express herself well with language, and fellowshipped in a lucid and structured way. I immediately felt a sense of crisis, thinking, “Chen Dan has good caliber and is progressing so quickly. If this continues, won’t she surpass me? If she does, it will mean that I’m not as good as she is, and what dignity will I have left then?” With this in mind, I secretly resolved to work hard to equip myself with the truths and improve my expressive ability, determined not to let her surpass me no matter what. However, no matter how hard I tried, my progress was minimal. When solving problems, the more I wanted to express myself well, the more incoherent I became, unable even to make use of the expressive ability I already had. Seeing Chen Dan being able to fellowship on the truths to resolve problems made me feel very discouraged. A while later, Chen Dan was selected to be the team leader. I was filled with jealousy and felt that my pride was completely ruined. I disliked her from the bottom of my heart, feeling that it was her presence that made me so discomfited. After that, I was gloomy every day, lacking enthusiasm in my duty, and even complaining to God for not giving me good caliber like she had. Sometimes, when Chen Dan arranged certain tasks for me, I was uncooperative and pulled a long face at her. When she pointed out the problems in my watering work, I felt resistant and said some quite harsh words. Later, two more sisters joined our team. When I saw them seeking help from Chen Dan instead of me, it felt like a slap in the face. I was very upset about it, and blamed it on her overshadowing me, so my jealousy toward her grew even stronger. As the team leader, Chen Dan was responsible for taking care of all the various tasks. When she got overwhelmed, she asked me to help cultivate the new believers. I thought, “If I cultivate the new believers well, won’t all the credit go to you?” So I refused, telling her, “You’re the team leader, cultivating new believers is your job.” During a gathering, Chen Dan fellowshipped that being a team leader was challenging and that she was considering stepping down from this duty. On hearing this, instead of reflecting on myself, I took pleasure in her difficulties and inwardly mocked her, thinking, “Aren’t you supposed to be better than me in every way? Then you should handle everything.” I even offered my resignation multiple times. In the end, I was dismissed from my position because my jealousy of her abilities was exerting a bad influence on the team.

During my devotional, I read a passage of God’s words: “Antichrists’ public suppression of people, exclusion of people, attacks against people, and exposure of people’s problems are all targeted. Without a doubt, they use means such as these to target those who pursue the truth and can discern them. By breaking these people down, they achieve the goal of strengthening their own position. Attacking and excluding people like this is malicious in nature. There is aggression in their language and manner of speech: exposure, condemnation, slander, and evil calumny. They even twist facts, speaking of positive things as though they were negative and negative as though they were positive. Reversing black and white and mixing up right and wrong like this accomplishes antichrists’ goal of defeating people and ruining their name. What mindset is giving rise to this attack and exclusion of dissenters? Most of the time, it comes from a jealous mindset. In a vicious disposition, jealousy carries strong hatred with it; and as a result of their jealousy, antichrists attack and exclude people. In a situation such as this, if antichrists are exposed, reported, lose their status, and suffer an attack in their mind, they will not submit nor be happy about it, and it will be even easier for them to create a strong mindset of revenge. Revenge is a type of mindset, and it is also a type of corrupt disposition. When antichrists see that what someone did was damaging to them, that others are more capable than them, or that someone’s statements and suggestions are better or wiser than theirs, and everyone agrees with that person’s statements and suggestions, the antichrists feel their position is threatened, jealousy and hatred arise in their hearts, and they attack and take revenge. When taking revenge, antichrists generally deliver a preemptive blow to their target. They are proactive in attacking and breaking people down, until the other party submits. Only then do they feel they have let off steam. What other manifestations are there of attacking and excluding people? (Belittling others.) Belittling others is one of the ways it is manifested; no matter how good a job you do, antichrists will still belittle you or condemn you, until you are negative and weak and cannot stand. Then they will be happy, and they will have accomplished their goal” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Two: They Attack and Exclude Dissenters). God exposed that antichrists have vicious dispositions, jealous hearts and a strong desire for status. Once someone around them appears to be better than them and threatens their status, antichrists grow jealous and develop a mindset of revenge. To secure their status, they may use various tactics to suppress and exclude dissenters. I recalled that when Chen Dan had just arrived, on seeing that she was of good caliber and surpassed me in all aspects, and that the new members in the team also gravitated toward her and held her in high regard, I had felt awful, believing that it was Chen Dan who made me so discomfited, so the jealousy and resentment I harbored toward her burst forth uncontrollably. Later, when Chen Dan had arranged some tasks for me, I didn’t cooperate, and gave her a sour look, and spoke to her in a disgruntled tone, which also affected her state. Sometimes, when we were discussing problems, I knew what Chen Dan had said was in line with the principles, but I deliberately held onto my own views and wouldn’t let go of them, and even incited others to side with me against her, causing delays in the work. I had known that there was a lot of work and that Chen Dan, being new to the role of team leader, surely faced many challenges, but out of jealousy, I had been deliberately obstructive by not wanting to do my duty as a way to make things difficult for her, wanting to bring her down. Reflecting on these behaviors, I recognized that I was just like an antichrist, with too strong a desire for status, and I recognized that when someone had threatened my position, I had felt jealous and vengeful, and had completely disregarded the church’s work, and I recognized that my disposition was vicious and lacked humanity. I recalled that when I had first started being trained in this duty, the leaders specially arranged for someone to guide and help us so that we could quickly grasp the principles and fulfill our duties well. The church had promoted and cultivated me in this way, but I had not followed the right path and had sought fame and gain, trying in every way to exclude my dissenter and disturb the church’s work. I really was a nasty thing!

Then I read another passage of God’s words: “If someone says they love the truth and that they pursue the truth, but in essence, the goal they pursue is to distinguish themselves, to show off, to make people think highly of them, to achieve their own interests, and the performing of their duty is not to submit to or satisfy God, and instead is to achieve fame, gain, and status, then their pursuit is illegitimate. That being the case, when it comes to the work of the church, are their actions an obstacle, or do they help move it forward? They are clearly an obstacle; they do not move it forward. Some people wave the banner of doing the work of the church yet pursue their own personal fame, gain, and status, run their own operation, create their own little group, their own little kingdom—is this kind of person doing their duty? All the work they do essentially disrupts, disturbs, and impairs the work of the church. What is the consequence of their pursuit of fame, gain, and status? First, this affects how God’s chosen people eat and drink God’s word normally and understand the truth, it hinders their life entry, stops them from entering the right track of faith in God, and leads them onto the wrong path—which harms the chosen ones, and brings them to ruin. And what does it ultimately do to the work of the church? It is disturbance, impairment, and dismantlement. This is the consequence brought about by people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. When they do their duty in this way, can this not be defined as walking the path of an antichrist? When God asks that people put aside fame, gain, and status, it is not that He is depriving people of the right to choose; rather, it is because, while pursuing fame, gain, and status, people disrupt and disturb the work of the church and the life entry of God’s chosen people, and can even have an influence on more people’s eating and drinking God’s words, understanding the truth, and thus achieving God’s salvation. This is an indisputable fact. When people pursue their own fame, gain, and status, it is certain that they will not pursue the truth and that they will not faithfully fulfill their duty. They will only speak and act for the sake of fame, gain, and status, and all the work they do, without the least exception, is for those things’ sake. To behave and act in such a way is, without question, to walk the path of antichrists; it is a disruption and disturbance of God’s work, and all its various consequences are hindering the spread of the kingdom gospel and the carrying out of God’s will within the church. So, one may say with certainty that the path walked by those who pursue fame, gain, and status is the path of resistance against God. It is intentional resistance against Him, naysaying Him—it is to cooperate with Satan in resisting God and standing in opposition to Him. This is the nature of people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. The problem with people pursuing their own interests is that the goals they pursue are the goals of Satan—they are goals that are wicked and unjust. When people pursue personal interests such as fame, gain, and status, they unwittingly become a tool of Satan, they become an outlet for Satan, and, moreover, they become an embodiment of Satan. They play a negative role in the church; toward the work of the church, and toward the normal church life and normal pursuit of God’s chosen people, the effect they have is to disturb and impair; they have an adverse and negative effect” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). I used to think that seeking reputation and status was just one’s own personal failure to pursue the truth, and that it would only cause losses to one’s own life without affecting others. I had always regarded it as a minor revelation of corruption, thinking that everyone had this type of corruption and that it couldn’t be changed overnight; it had to be done gradually. I hadn’t understood why God hates the pursuit of reputation and status so much. After reading this passage of God’s words, I realized that the pursuit of reputation and status not only damages one’s own life but also disturbs the church’s work. Chen Dan was the team leader, and I should have supported and cooperated with her in her work. However, out of jealousy, I deliberately hadn’t cooperated with her work arrangements and had made things difficult for her, which affected the work of watering. When discussing problems, even though I knew that her fellowshipping was correct, I feared that listening to her would make me appear inferior and lose face. So, I had stubbornly held onto my own views, which resulted in delays to the work. I had even been deliberately obstructive, downed tools, and refused to cooperate even in things that I could do, pushing the work onto Chen Dan in order to put pressure on her. On the surface, it seemed like I had been competing with others for fame and gain, but in fact, I had been resisting God. I had been satisfying my vanity at the cost of delaying the church’s work. Only now did I understand that many antichrists are expelled not because they pursue reputation and status or have corrupt dispositions, but because, in pursuing fame and status, they go to any lengths to suppress others and give them a hard time, disturbing the work of God’s house and committing many evil deeds. My actions had been the same as those of antichrists in nature. If I didn’t repent, I would eventually be expelled from the church for my numerous evil deeds. Reflecting on this made me afraid. At that time, I felt somewhat despondent, wondering if there was still hope for me to be saved after doing so much evil, and if God was using this situation to reveal and eliminate me.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “Today you are not just able to look upon God, but more importantly, you have received chastisement and judgment, you have received truly profound salvation, which is to say, you have received God’s greatest love. In all that He does, God is truly loving toward you. He has no ill intention. It is because of your sins that He judges you, so that you will examine yourselves and receive this tremendous salvation. All this is done for the purpose of making man complete. From beginning to end, God has been doing His utmost to save man, and has no desire to completely destroy the men He created with His own hands. Today, He has come among you to work; is this not salvation all the more? If He hated you, would He still do work of such magnitude in order to personally guide you? Why should He suffer so? God does not hate you or have any ill intentions toward you. You should know that God’s love is the truest love. It is only because people are rebellious that He has to save them through judgment; if not for this, saving them would be impossible” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Inside Truth of the Work of Conquest (4)). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply touched and realized how unreasonable I had been. Being dismissed today was because I had sought fame and gain, and because I had not walked the right path, but done evil and disturbed the church work. I should therefore accept the disciplining and chastening, rather than misunderstanding God’s intention. I also reflected on why I had been able to commit such evil deeds. Besides having a strong desire for reputation and status, I totally lacked a God-fearing heart. Whenever anything had happened that threatened my reputation and status, I tended to act willfully, do evil, and resist God. I also read another passage of God’s words: “So if there is a person who does have a God-fearing heart, how will they behave? (They will not act recklessly or willfully.) These two words are quite suitable. So how do you put not acting recklessly or willfully into practice? (We should have a seeking heart.) When confronted with a problem, some people do seek an answer from others, but when the other person speaks according to the truth, they don’t accept it, they are not able to obey, and in their hearts, they think, ‘I’m normally better than him. If I listen to his suggestion this time, won’t it look like he’s superior to me? No, I can’t listen to him on this matter. I’ll just do it my way.’ Then they find a reason and an excuse to shoot down the other person’s point of view. What kind of disposition is it when a person sees someone who is better than them and they try to bring them down, spreading rumors about them, or employing despicable means to denigrate them and undermine their reputation—even trampling all over them—in order to protect their own place in people’s minds? This is not just arrogance and conceit, it is the disposition of Satan, it is a malicious disposition. That this person can attack and alienate people who are better and stronger than them is insidious and wicked. And that they will stop at nothing to bring people down shows that there is much of a devil in them! Living by the disposition of Satan, they are liable to belittle people, to try to stitch them up, to make things hard for them. Is this not evildoing? And living like this, they still think they’re okay, that they’re a good person—yet when they see someone better than them, they are liable to give them a hard time, to trample all over them. What is the issue here? Are people who are capable of committing such evil deeds not unscrupulous and willful? Such people only think of their own interests, they only consider their own feelings, and all they want is to achieve their own desires, ambitions, and aims. They don’t care how much damage they cause to the work of the church, and they would prefer to sacrifice the interests of the house of God to protect their status in people’s minds and their own reputation. Are people like this not arrogant and self-righteous, selfish and vile? Such people are not only arrogant and self-righteous, they are also extremely selfish and vile. They are not considerate of God’s intentions at all. Do such people have God-fearing hearts? They do not have God-fearing hearts at all. This is why they act wantonly and do whatever they want, without any sense of blame, without any trepidation, without any apprehension or worry, and without considering the consequences. This is what they often do, and how they have always behaved. What is the nature of such behavior? To put it lightly, such people are far too jealous and have too strong a desire for personal reputation and status; they are too deceitful and insidious. To put it more harshly, the essence of the problem is that such people have no God-fearing heart at all. They are not frightened of God, they believe themselves to be of utmost importance, and they regard every aspect of themselves as being higher than God and higher than the truth. In their hearts, God is not worthy of mention and is insignificant, and God does not have any status in their hearts at all. Can those who have no place for God in their hearts, and who do not have God-fearing hearts, put the truth into practice? Absolutely not. So, when they typically go around merrily keeping themselves busy and exerting quite a lot of energy, what are they doing? Such people even claim to have abandoned everything to expend for God and suffered a great deal, but actually, the motive, principle, and objective of all their actions are for the sake of their own status and prestige, of protecting all of their interests. Would you or would you not say that this sort of person is terrible? What kind of people have believed in God for many years, yet have no God-fearing hearts? Are they not arrogant? Are they not Satans? And what things most lack a God-fearing heart? Apart from the beasts, it is the evil and the antichrists, the devils and Satan’s ilk” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). Reading God’s words, I felt deeply pained in my heart and saw that I was exactly the kind of person He had exposed, the kind of person without a God-fearing heart. God said that only beasts, evil people, antichrists, devils, and Satan have no God-fearing heart at all, and I could sense God’s loathing and hatred for such people. Thinking about it, although I believed in God, there was no place for Him in my heart; I had always prioritized my own reputation and status, even going so far as to suppress and exclude others by any means. On seeing that Chen Dan had better caliber than I did, I became jealous and compared myself to her in everything. After Chen Dan had become the team leader, I felt that having her arrange tasks for me damaged my pride since I had been doing watering work longer than she had. So, I deliberately refused to cooperate with her and made things difficult for her. Even during discussions, I had always saved face by refusing to accept her appropriate suggestions, for fear that heeding her would make me seem inferior to her. Eventually, on seeing that she surpassed me in every aspect and I couldn’t outshine her, I felt that there was no prospect of me standing out in the team, so I became deliberately obstructive and resisted doing my duty. This revealed that I had no fear of God in my heart and lacked humanity. If I’d had even the slightest fear of God in my heart, I wouldn’t have done such evil deeds, nor would I have dared to take out my frustrations on the church’s work. Not only had I failed to do my duties sincerely, but I had also disturbed others from doing theirs and disturbed the church’s work. How could this not provoke God’s loathing? This dismissal was the result of God’s righteous disposition coming upon me—I had asked for it. I felt deep regret and self-blame, and silently, I prayed to God, confessed, and repented.

Next, I tried to figure out how to solve my problem of being jealous of those who are talented and capable, and how to deal with my ambition of pursuing reputation and status. One day, I read God’s words: “The gifts and abilities that people are born with are bestowed by God. They were predetermined by God long ago. If God made you foolish, then there is meaning in your foolishness; if He made you bright, then there is meaning in your brightness. Whatever talents God gives you, whatever your strengths, however high your IQ, they all have a purpose for God. All these things were preordained by God. The role you play in your life and the duty you do were ordained by God long ago. Some people see that others possess strengths they do not and are discontent. They want to change things by learning more, seeing more, and being more diligent. But there is a limit to what their diligence can achieve, and they cannot surpass those with gifts and expertise. No matter how much you fight, it is useless. God has ordained what you will be, and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. Whatever you are good at, that is where you should make an effort. Whatever duty you are suited to is the duty you should perform. Do not try to force yourself into areas outside your skillset and do not envy others. Everyone has their function. Do not think that you can do everything well, or that you are more perfect or better than others, always desiring to replace others and put yourself on display. This is a corrupt disposition. … When you have a disposition like that, you are always trying to keep others down, always trying to get ahead of them, always jockeying, always trying to take from people. You are highly envious, you don’t yield to anyone, and you are always trying to distinguish yourself from the crowd. This spells trouble; this is how Satan acts. If you truly wish to be an acceptable created being, then do not pursue your own dreams. Trying to be superior and more capable than you are in order to achieve your aims is bad. You should learn to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and you should stand fast in the place that a human being should occupy; only this is a demonstration of reason” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading God’s words, I was moved in my heart. I realized that whenever I encountered people of good caliber, I tended to become jealous and compare myself with them, uncontrollably pursuing reputation and status. This behavior was rooted in my own arrogant disposition, wanting to surpass others in everything. However, the gifts and caliber I have are predestined by God, and there is God’s good intention in this. My arrogant disposition made me always want to pursue reputation and status, and if I truly had such a great caliber, who knew how arrogant I would be. I might end up being expelled from the church for committing so much evil and following the antichrist’s path. God’s predestination of my average caliber is a way of protection for me. Additionally, God does not require us to be superheroes or great people and be superior to others in everything. What God values is that we, according to our statures and calibers, fully utilize what we can do, focusing on fulfilling our duties well with a sincere heart. Chen Dan was of better caliber, and it was her duty to help drive the overall work as the team leader. I should have supported and cooperated with her, learning from her strengths and working harmoniously with her, so that I could have performed my duty better. Regardless of whether our calibers are good or poor, everyone’s common goal is to fulfill our duties well, and that is the most important thing. My constant comparison and competition with others was actually resisting God and not submitting to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and only led me to suffer from Satan’s torments. Reflecting on how I didn’t cherish the opportunity to do my duties, and instead, focused on fighting and competing with others, I felt somewhat regretful.

A few months later, the leaders arranged for me to work with Chen Dan and others. Initially, I was a bit worried, fearing that I might again reveal corrupt dispositions. However, I also knew that this situation was arranged by God and was an opportunity for me to repent; I didn’t want to disappoint God, so I needed to face it. I consciously prayed more to God, asking for His protection so that I could live in His presence, and constantly reminded myself not to seek fame and gain, or compare myself with others. I remembered once, I noticed a sister making significant progress, and I immediately felt a bit lost and anxious, afraid that the sister would surpass me and that I would become the worst in the team and lose face. I quickly realized that I was comparing myself with others again and consciously prayed to God in my heart. I thought of God’s words that I had read before: “If you truly wish to perform your duty well, you must first find the right station for you, and then do what you can with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength, and do your very best. This is satisfactory, and such performance of duty has a measure of purity. This is what a real created being should do. First, you must understand what a real created being is: A real created being is not a superhuman, but a person who lives straightforwardly and practically on the earth; they are not at all extraordinary, and not in the least bit exceptional, but the same as any ordinary person. If you wish to always surpass others, to be ranked above others, then this is brought about by your arrogant, satanic disposition, and it is a delusion caused by your ambition. You cannot, in fact, achieve this, and it is impossible for you to do so. God did not give you such a talent or skill, nor did He give you such an essence. Do not forget that you are an ordinary member of mankind, in no way different from others, though your appearance, family, and upbringing may be different, and there may be some differences in your talents and gifts. But do not forget this: No matter how unique you are, it is only in these small ways, and your corrupt disposition is the same as others’. The attitude you should have and the principles to which you must adhere in the performance of your duty are identical to others’. It is merely in their strengths and gifts that people differ” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). God’s words helped me understand that I am an ordinary created being, a normal person. It’s normal to have things I don’t know or areas where I am not as good as others. Just because I started practicing watering new believers earlier, it didn’t mean I should be better than others in every aspect. Thinking in this way was arrogant and unreasonable. God requires me to be a normal person, to do my best conscientiously, and to fully utilize my capabilities according to my stature and caliber. Besides, God has given each person different calibers and strengths. Working together, we can complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses, collaborating harmoniously, which is beneficial for the duty. If the sister has capabilities that I don’t, I should learn from her, and this is also God’s way of compensating for my deficiencies. Realizing God’s intention brought me a sense of relief, and I gradually became more focused on my duties. When I faced Chen Dan again, I was able to support her work and cooperate with her harmoniously. When I encountered things I didn’t understand, I was willing to put aside my pride and seek advice from her. Practicing this way made me feel at ease and relieved, and I also made some progress in doing my duties. I thank God for this!