By Yiping, China

When I was at school, I loved to listen to songs and read ancient poetry. Most of these works were themed on love. I was conditioned by outlooks on love like “Love is supreme” and “holding hands and growing old together.” I was drawn toward the idea of a marriage of lasting romance, and was eager to meet someone who would look after me and grow old with me. After starting work, I met my husband. After we married, he was very attentive and looked after me. Sometimes, he would insist that I go to the hospital for treatment even if I just had a minor illness like a headache or a fever. When we walked on the street, he would always make me walk on his right because he was afraid of me being hit by a car. Whenever there was some minor friction in our life, he would accommodate and tolerate me. In addition, he was extremely romantic. Every time he came back from a business trip, and on every festival no matter how minor, he would buy me gifts. When I saw how my husband treated me with such care, I felt like I was the luckiest woman in the world. I entrusted all my happiness in this life to him.

In July 2013, I started to believe in God. From God’s words, I found out that Almighty God is the One who created the heavens and earth and all things and is sovereign over everything. He is the Savior of humanity. I am a created being, and should properly believe in God, follow God, and fulfill my duty. At that time, I would read the words of God and actively preach the gospel whenever I was free. My husband didn’t oppose me believing in God. By June 2014, he heard the CCP’s baseless rumors that discredited The Church of Almighty God. He was afraid that he would lose face because of my belief in Almighty God and began to obstruct my belief in God. I told him the truth and asked him not to believe the baseless rumors. He saw that I hadn’t obeyed him, and so from then on, he quarreled with me constantly.

In June 2018, my husband came home drunk at around ten one evening. He kicked open the bedroom door, grabbed my hair, and pulled me from the bed onto the floor before starting to hit me on the head. He put a lot of strength into it, and every slap made my head ring. Next, he started slapping me in the face, and after he finished, he went to get a knife from the kitchen. Spewing curses, he said, “If you believe in God again, I’ll kill you and then I’ll kill myself.” As he spoke, he pressed the back of the knife onto my neck. In my heart, I called on God constantly. I didn’t dare to struggle physically. After what seemed like an age, he put the knife down. When I saw how my once-caring and loving husband had turned so violent, my heart shattered. The next day, he apologized to me and said he was in the wrong. He asked for my forgiveness. I thought to myself, “We’ve been married for many years and he has always been good to me. This time, it was probably because he was drunk and impulsive.” So I forgave him. However, from then on, I started to feel constrained when gathering and doing my duty. Every time I came back from a gathering and saw that my husband was out, I would breathe a sigh of relief. If he was home, with a dark scowl on his face, I would actively talk to him, or ask him what he wanted to eat and hurry to the kitchen to make it for him. I would be even more considerate of him than previously.

In June 2019, I was elected to be a leader in the church. When I heard this news, I was very happy, and thought that as a leader I would have many opportunities to train and also gain much truth. However, I was also filled with misgivings, “Before, my husband would always give me dirty looks or complain when I went to gatherings. If I become a leader, I will have more work to do, and I’ll need to go out to gatherings frequently. Will he try and obstruct me even more? If that happens, then we’ll never have a harmonious and happy life again.” On one side, my duty; on the other, my marriage. I was conflicted. I prayed to God in seeking, and thought of the words of God: “If you play an important part in spreading the gospel and desert your post without God’s permission, there is no greater transgression. Does it not count as an act of betrayal against God?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). If I refused my duty in order to maintain my marriage, that would be a grave transgression. I am a created being, and doing my duty is my responsibility and my obligation. I cannot stop doing my duty in order to live my little quiet life. Therefore, I accepted the duty of a leader. At that time, it just so happened that my husband was on leave. He saw me go out early and come back late every day, and would quarrel with me every couple of days. Many times, he blocked me at the door and wouldn’t let me go to gatherings. He even said that I wasn’t looking after our family and wasn’t looking after him, and if I carried on believing in God he would divorce me. Although my mouth formed the words, “Well, just divorce me then!” My heart was weak. I was afraid that my husband really would divorce me. What would my life be like after that? As soon as I thought about divorce, I felt like I wouldn’t have any happiness to speak of afterward. My heart was in so much pain it felt like it was being stabbed by a knife. I didn’t want to go out every day to do my duty anymore. However, I was a leader in the church, and I had to shoulder the work of the church. If I cast off my duty, I would be really lacking in conscience. I had to just screw up my courage and soldier on. At gatherings, I just went through the motions, asking about everyone’s states and finding out a bit about the work. I engaged in some simple fellowship, but did not seek results. Sometimes, the work had not finished being implemented, but as soon as I saw it was time to end the gathering, I rushed back home. This meant that the states of my brothers and sisters were not resolved in time, and some work could not be implemented in a timely manner.

Once, my elder sister followed me to a sister’s house to stop me from believing in God. For the safety of this sister, the upper leaders asked me to stay at home for a while and not be in contact with my brothers and sisters, and that I should do my duty to the extent that I was able to in my circumstances. The first few days I was at home, I felt lost and sad because I couldn’t do my duties. However, when I saw my husband cook for me every day and busy himself with trying to cheer me up, I soon slipped back into the happy marriage that I had pursued. I was aware that the sister I was working with had only just been elected and was unfamiliar with the work of the church. There were many items of work that urgently required the two of us to work together to implement and follow up on. Moreover, my husband wasn’t following my every move. I did have opportunities to go out and do my duty, but I was afraid that my husband would be angry if he found out, and our recently restored relationship would be damaged again. I didn’t want to destroy this happy situation, and so I didn’t do my duty to the extent I was able to. I didn’t inquire about the work of the church for two months, using “safeguarding the environment” as an excuse. This meant that all the items of work were affected to different degrees. The upper leaders saw that I was completely living within the flesh and family, and not doing the work of the church, and dismissed me because of my performance. At the time, I cried. I had had chances to do my duty in these two months, but I didn’t hold to my duty. Was I not a deserter? I felt self-reproachful and guilty in my heart. At one gathering, I read a passage of God’s words, which I still remember as if it were yesterday. Almighty God says: “If I were to place some money in front of you right now and give you the freedom to choose—and if I did not condemn you for your choice—then most of you would choose the money and forsake the truth. The better among you would give up the money and choose the truth reluctantly, while those in-between would seize the money in one hand and the truth in the other. Would your true colors thus not become self-evident? When choosing between the truth and anything to which you are loyal, you would all make this choice, and your attitude would remain the same. Is that not so? Are there not many among you who have seesawed between right and wrong? In all of the struggles between positive and negative, black and white—between family and God, children and God, harmoniousness and rupture, riches and poverty, status and ordinariness, being supported and being cast aside, and so on—you are surely aware of the choices that you have made. Between a harmonious family and a broken one, you chose the former, and you did so without any hesitation; between riches and duty, you again chose the former, even lacking the will to return to shore; between luxury and poverty, you chose the former; when choosing between your sons, daughters, wives and husbands, and Me, you chose the former; and between notion and truth, you once again chose the former. Faced with all manner of your evil deeds, I have simply lost faith in you. It simply astounds Me that your hearts are so incapable of being softened” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Whom Are You Loyal?). God’s words judged me, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I was one of the in-between people, who God exposed. With one hand, I clutched my marriage and family tightly, unwilling to let go; with the other, I held God’s salvation, not wanting to be abandoned. When I was a leader, on the surface I was going out to do my duty every day. But I didn’t want my belief in God to anger my husband and affect our relationship. When I went out to do my duty, I was just going through the motions. I didn’t invest any effort in fellowshipping about and resolving the states of my brothers and sisters and the difficulties and problems they faced in their work. When at home safeguarding the environment, I just took the chance to lay my duty down while enjoying the so-called happy life I had pursued. During the two months I was in isolation at home, I was well aware that the sister I was working with had only just become a leader and could not look after all that work on her own. My husband wasn’t monitoring me every day, so I could have cooperated with my sister to do some work. However, I was afraid of damaging my relationship with my husband and didn’t concern myself with the work of the church at all. Caught between my duty and a harmonious family, I chose to maintain my family and readily let go of my duties. I didn’t have any loyalty to God at all, and during those two months in which I was maintaining my family, I didn’t feel even the slightest bit of self-reproach or guilt. I had read so many of God’s words, but when an environment actually came upon me, I behaved, shockingly, in this way. I truly disappointed God, and lacked the smallest scrap of conscience or reason! God said: “Faced with all manner of your evil deeds, I have simply lost faith in you. It simply astounds Me that your hearts are so resistant to being softened.” As a leader in the church, I had a weighty responsibility. I should have taken responsibility for the various items of work in the church to ensure they progressed normally, and should have helped my brothers and sisters understand the truth and do their duties well. But instead, I didn’t care if the life entry of my brothers and sisters was affected, or if the work of the church was damaged. I only thought about maintaining my own marriage and family, and abandoned my duty casually. I really was too selfish and vile! I was an untrustworthy person. I only had myself to blame for being dismissed. I felt very regretful, and secretly determined that if duty called on me again, I could not abandon it for the sake of maintaining my marriage and family. Later, I started doing duties in the church again. My husband used both the carrot and the stick to persuade me out of it. When he saw I would not listen, he kept mentioning the topic of divorce every single day to threaten me. I prayed to God and begged Him to give me faith and strength. In this way, I always persisted in going to gatherings and doing my duty. Slowly, my husband stopped controlling me as strictly, only demanding that I come home every day.

In July 2023, the leaders arranged for me to do a duty. Because the work involved quite a lot of matters, I would only be able to come home once every couple of weeks or so. I felt a little constrained, “If I only come home once every couple of weeks or so, won’t this cross my husband’s red line? If I’m regularly not at home, and not at his side keeping him company and caring for him, then our marriage will slowly and inevitably crack.” However, I remembered my previous experience of failing to do my duty. This time, I did not want to be left with regrets, and I agreed to do this duty. After a time, I was a little worried, “If I don’t return home every day, my relationship with my husband will grow increasingly distant. If his affections move elsewhere, then our marriage will be at an end. If I lose my marriage, then will I still be able to have a happy life in the future?” On the surface, I was busy with work every day, but my heart constantly felt disturbed. As soon as the work was complete, I would start calculating the days until I could go home. I even thought about asking the leaders to alter my duty to one where I could stay at home. In this way I would have time to maintain my marriage. However, I realized that this was picking and choosing my duty. It was not reasonable, so I didn’t speak of it. Helpless, I told my innermost thoughts to God and begged God to enlighten and guide me.

One day during my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words that was of great help to me. God says: “There are even some people who, after they’ve come to believe in God, accept their duty and the commission given to them by God’s house, but in order to maintain the happiness and satisfaction of their marriage, they fall far short when it comes to performing their duty. They were originally supposed to go to a distant place to preach the gospel, returning home once a week or once in a long while, or they could leave home and perform their duty full time according to their various calibers and conditions, but they’re afraid their partner will be displeased with them, that their marriage won’t be happy, or that they’ll lose their marriage altogether, and for the sake of maintaining their marital happiness they give up a lot of time that should be spent performing their duty. Especially when they hear their partner complain or sound displeased or have a moan, they become even more cautious with maintaining their marriage. They do all they can to satisfy their partner and work hard to make their marriage a happy one so that it doesn’t break apart. Of course, even more serious than this is that some people refuse the call of God’s house and refuse to perform their duty in order to maintain their marital happiness. When they should be leaving home to perform their duty, because they can’t bear to part with their spouse or because their spouse’s parents oppose their belief in God and oppose them abandoning their job and leaving home to perform their duty, they make compromises and abandon their duty, instead choosing to maintain their marital happiness and the integrity of their marriage. In order to maintain their marital happiness and the integrity of their marriage, and to prevent their marriage from breaking up and ending, they choose only to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations in married life and abandon the mission of a created being. You don’t realize that, regardless of your role in the family or in society—whether it be as wife, husband, child, parent, employee, or anything else—and regardless of whether or not your role in married life is an important one, you have only one identity before God and that is as a created being. You have no second identity before God. Therefore, when God’s house calls upon you, that is the time when you should fulfill your mission. That is to say, as a created being, it is not that you should fulfill your mission only when the condition of maintaining your marital happiness and the integrity of your marriage is fulfilled, but rather it is that, as long as you are a created being, then the mission God bestows upon you and entrusts to you should be fulfilled unconditionally; regardless of the circumstances, it is always incumbent upon you to prioritize the mission entrusted to you by God, while the mission and responsibilities bestowed upon you by marriage are secondary” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). After reading this passage of God’s words, it was like a beam of light had shone into my heart. I suddenly felt clear and enlightened. Just as God says, I was attaching a lot of weight to the integrity and happiness of my marriage. I only wanted to do my duty provided I could maintain the happiness of my marriage. As soon as my duty affected my marriage, I couldn’t do my duty with a peaceful heart, and even wanted to let go of my duty to preserve my marriage. I did not place the duties of a created being first. I remembered when I was at school, I was deeply affected by views on marriage such as “holding hands and growing old together,” and “wishing to win someone’s heart and stay together until our hair is white.” I always wanted to meet my other half, who would treat me genuinely, show me consideration, look after me, and accompany me through life. Because of this, I treated my marriage as the most important thing, and always strove to maintain it. After I started believing in God, my husband listened to baseless rumors and tried to stop me. I was worried about cracks forming in our marriage and so searched for ways to curry favor with him. When doing the duties of a leader, I was perfunctory and just went through the motions. Every day, I came and went as punctually as if I was going to work. The implementation of some tasks was not completed, but when I thought that my husband had probably finished work and returned home, I hurriedly finished the meeting and went home. When I was on the way home, I was even thinking about how to win my husband’s favor and maintain my relationship with him. During the two months I was at home safeguarding the environment, I could have done some duties. However, in order to maintain my relationship with my husband, I ignored the work of the church completely. This not only delayed the life entry of my brothers and sisters, but also damaged the work of the church. In addition, when I came out to do my duty this time, I only accepted it on the outside; I didn’t do it wholeheartedly. As soon as I had free time I started calculating when I would go home. I even thought about altering my duty so I could go home every day. I treated the happiness and integrity of my marriage with far too much importance; it was as if losing my marriage was as major an event as the sky falling in. I am a created being. It was God who gave me life and bestowed me with everything. It is my mission to do the duty of a created being well. But in order to maintain the happiness of my marriage, I constantly did my duty in a perfunctory fashion. I was so ashamed before God! I didn’t have the slightest hint of the conscience and reason of a created being! When I understood this, I felt self-reproachful and uncomfortable in my heart. I secretly determined: In the future, I was willing to practice the truth and repay God’s love, and use all my time and thoughts on my duty.

One day in September 2023, I returned home. My husband came home after being out drinking in the evening and aggressively asked me, “You’re regularly not at home. Where are you staying? What are you doing?” He also told me to stop believing in God. I didn’t agree, and so he started to hit me. I was so angry I moved out of the house. One day in November, I went to my mother’s home. My mother said, “Your husband said that he can’t carry on living like this. He wants you to go back home and go through divorce proceedings.” When I heard this, I let out a long sigh of relief. I thought to myself, “Although he’s shown me a lot of kindness and care over all these years, he’s also persecuted me a lot and tried to stop me from believing in God. If we get a divorce, I can believe in God freely and won’t be constrained by him anymore.” However, when I walked out of the door and saw all the married couples strolling down the street, I thought about how I had been married to him for twenty years. If we got divorced, that meant that from then on there would be no relationship at all between the two of us anymore. If I got ill, who would look after me? Without his company, would the second half of my life be desolate and lonely? Could I really put an end to twenty years of married life just like that? When I thought this, I felt as though acid was coursing through my heart, and tears flooded from my eyes. I prayed to God, “Dear God, I know that there is no more need to maintain my marriage with my husband. I am willing to divorce him, but as soon as I think about actually divorcing him, I have an unbearable feeling in my heart. Dear God, may You give me faith and strength to enable me to make the correct choice.”

Afterward, I read the words of God: “God has ordained marriage for you and given you a partner. You enter into marriage but your identity and status before God do not change—you’re still you. If you’re a woman then you’re still a woman before God; if you’re a man then you’re still a man before God. But there is one thing which you both share, and that is, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, you are all created beings before the Creator. Within the framework of marriage, you tolerate and love each other, you help and support each other, and this is fulfilling your responsibilities. Before God, however, the responsibilities you should fulfill and the mission you should accomplish cannot be replaced by the responsibilities you fulfill to your partner. Therefore, when there is conflict between your responsibilities to your partner and the duty a created being should perform before God, what you should choose is to perform the duty of a created being and not to fulfill your responsibilities to your partner. This is the direction and the aim you should choose and, of course, it is also the mission you should accomplish. Some people, however, mistakenly make the pursuit of marital happiness, or the fulfilling of their responsibilities to their partner, and their caring for, looking after, and loving their partner, into their mission in life, and they regard their partner as their sky, their destiny—this is wrong. … As far as marriage goes, all people can do is accept it from God and adhere to the definition of marriage God has ordained for man, with both husband and wife fulfilling their responsibilities and obligations to each other. What they cannot do is decide their partner’s destiny, previous life, present life, or the next life, let alone eternity. Your destination, your destiny, and the path you follow can only be decided by the Creator. Therefore, as a created being, whether your role is that of wife or husband, the happiness you should pursue in this life comes from you performing the duty of a created being and accomplishing the mission of a created being. It does not come from marriage itself, much less from you fulfilling the responsibilities of a wife or husband within the framework of marriage. Of course, the path you choose to follow and the outlook on life you adopt shouldn’t be built upon marital happiness, much less should they be determined by one or the other of the spousal couple—this is something you ought to understand” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). “As for marriage, as long as it doesn’t clash or conflict with your pursuit of truth, then the obligations you should fulfill, the mission you should accomplish, and the role you should play within the framework of marriage will not change. Therefore, asking that you let go of the pursuit of marital happiness doesn’t mean asking you to abandon marriage or to divorce as a formality, but rather it means asking you to fulfill your mission as a created being and properly perform the duty you should perform with the premise of fulfilling the responsibilities you should perform in marriage. Of course, if your pursuit of marital happiness impacts, obstructs, or even ruins your performance of the duty of a created being, then you should abandon not only your pursuit of marital happiness, but also your entire marriage. … If you want to be someone who pursues the truth, then what you should be thinking about most is how to let go of that which God asks you to let go of and how to accomplish that which God asks you to accomplish. If you are to be without a marriage and without your partner beside you in the future, in the days to come, you can still live until old age and live well just the same. If you abandon this opportunity, however, then that is tantamount to you abandoning your duty and the mission God has entrusted to you. To God, you would then not be someone who pursues the truth, someone who truly wants God, or someone who is in pursuit of salvation. If you actively wish to abandon your opportunity and right to attain salvation and your mission and you instead choose marriage, you choose to stay united as husband and wife, you choose to be with and satisfy your spouse, and you choose to keep your marriage intact, then in the end you will gain some things and lose some things. You understand what it is you will lose, right? Marriage is not your everything, nor is marital happiness—it cannot decide your fate, it cannot decide your future, and even less so can it decide your destination” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). After I had finished reading the words of God, my heart felt extremely bright and clear. God has ordained that for humans, the meaning of marriage is just to allow people to accompany each other and look after each other. I had stepped into marriage, and within the marriage, I could fulfill my responsibility to accompany and look after my other half. But the responsibilities of marriage cannot replace the mission of a created being. When duty calls, I should prioritize doing the duty of a created being well. If I abandon my duty in order to pursue a happy marriage, I will not be able to gain the truth and receive God’s salvation. In the end, I will fall into the great catastrophes and be destroyed. In the past, I only thought about pursuing a happy marriage. I spent a lot of time and effort maintaining my relationship with my husband. I wanted to hold onto my marriage with one hand, and the truth with the other. I wanted to attend to both things. In the end, I believed in God for many years but still did not understand the truth. I had wasted a lot of time. In order to maintain the so-called happiness of my marriage, I tired myself out until I was utterly exhausted. Where is the happiness in that!? I also realized that to believe in God is perfectly natural and justified. My husband didn’t believe in God and also tried to stop me from believing. As soon as I mentioned anything to do with believing in God, he would get angry with me. He’d even accuse, beat, and curse me, and often threatened me with divorce. In essence, he is a demon. Just as God says, “Believers and nonbelievers are not compatible; rather, they are opposed to one another” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). We were two incompatible types of people, and were walking on two radically different paths. There is simply no way for me to grow old hand in hand with a demon who resists God like my husband. But I still pursued a lasting marriage with him, where we’d grow old together. I foolishly maintained this marriage meticulously. Was this not blindly following a demon? I was too muddle-headed! Too foolish! Maintaining my relationship with a demon could only lead to me shunning God, betraying God, and cutting off my own chance at salvation. Relying on a mistaken view of love, I regarded the pursuit of a happy marriage as my mission, and fleshly affections shrouded my heart. I was unwilling to discern my husband according to his nature essence. If God had not arranged the environment, and without the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, I would still not have been able to see through this; I would still have been inflexible and stupid. I was truly blind and ignorant! I could not carry on living in these mistaken thoughts and views. Even if my husband wanted to divorce me, I still had to do the duty of a created being. This is really my mission!

During my devotionals, I heard a hymn of God’s words which really moved me.

Let God Into Your Heart

God can only come into your heart if you open it up to Him. You can only see what God has and is, and you can only see His intentions for you, if He has come into your heart.

1  At that time, you will discover that everything about God is so precious, that what He has and is is so worthy of treasuring. Compared to that, the people, events, and things around you, and even your loved ones, your partner, and the things you love, are hardly worth mentioning. They are so small, and so lowly; you will feel that no material object will ever be able to draw you in again, or that any material object will ever again be able to entice you to pay any price for it. In God’s humility you will see His greatness and His supremacy. Moreover, you will see in some deed of God that you previously believed to be quite small His infinite wisdom and His tolerance, and you will see His patience, His forbearance, and His understanding of you. This will engender in you an adoration for Him.

2  On that day, you will feel that mankind is living in such a filthy world, that the people by your side and the things that happen in your life, and even those you love, their love for you, and their so-called protection or their concern for you are not even worth mentioning—only God is your beloved, and it is only God that you treasure the most. When that day comes, I believe that there will be some people who say: God’s love is so great, and His essence is so holy—in God there is no deceit, no evil, no envy, and no strife, but only righteousness and authenticity, and everything that God has and is should be longed for by humans. Humans should strive for and aspire to it.

—The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself III

I was really moved when I heard this hymn of the words of God. The love between people is established on a foundation of exchange. When I kept my husband company and looked after him and the children, he treated me well; when I didn’t have time to look after him, he started getting angry and wanted a divorce because he wasn’t getting any benefits from me. Once people have been corrupted by Satan, they all put profit first. There is no true love between people. Even if there is a tiny bit of so-called love, it is still driven by benefit. In those years, I once put aside my duty and betrayed God in order to maintain the happiness of my marriage. However, God did not treat me according to the way I acted. God still showed me mercy and grace, practically arranged an environment to save me and give me the chance to repent, and used His words to enlighten me so I could see through Satan’s schemes. He brought me out of my mistaken views on marriage so that I would no longer be harmed by Satan. I realized that only God loves people the most, and only God’s love is genuine and holy.

Later, I agreed to divorce my husband, but my husband didn’t want to anymore. He even said that as long as I went home, he would treat me well like he had done previously, and would not try and stop me believing in God anymore. I thought of how my husband had used threats, violence, and curses to force me to abandon my belief in God. When he saw that those tricks hadn’t worked, he used sweet-sounding words to dupe me. No matter how his tricks changed, his essence is that of a devil. His essence of being an enemy of God will never change. He had tried to stop me from believing in God for a decade. If he was capable of change, he would have changed long ago. If I believed what he said again, I would only fall for it and end up being tricked, and I would lose my own chance to be saved by God. So I ignored what he said. I thought, “Even if we don’t get divorced, I cannot let him hinder my belief in God and the performance of my duties.” Afterward, I always did my duties in the church, and my heart became at peace. I stopped thinking about how to maintain my marriage and family, and was finally able to break free from my husband’s bondage and constraints. I am now free to believe in God and do my duty. This has been very beneficial to my life progress. Thank God for His salvation!