By Wendy, Spain

In 2018, I was making videos in the church. Because I improved quickly in my professional skills, and I usually helped brothers and sisters solve some problems and difficulties, everyone had a good impression of me, and some important tasks were entrusted to me by the leaders. Receiving the leaders’ recognition and the high regard of the brothers and sisters gave me a strong sense of accomplishment and increased my enthusiasm. Although I wasn’t the team leader, I would promptly identify and analyze the problems in our work. I always tried my best to complete the tasks assigned by the leaders and team leaders, so I felt I had quite a burden for my duty and was relatively obedient. Especially when I saw some brothers and sisters around me becoming negative, slacking off in their duties, and not doing their duties properly because they were dissatisfied with the tasks assigned by the church, I thought that if I encountered such a situation, I wouldn’t act like them; I would still be obedient.

One day in 2022, the group leader told me that there was a shortage of people for text-based work. Since the workload in our group wasn’t heavy, and I had some writing skills and could usually fellowship the truth to solve some problems, after a comprehensive evaluation, the leaders decided to arrange for me to do text-based work. When I heard this news, I simply couldn’t believe my ears. I thought, “Are they going to adjust my duty? I’m fine staying in this group. The brothers and sisters approve of me, and people from other groups even come to me for advice. This makes me look really good! If I go to do text-based work, I don’t understand the principles, and I don’t know how long it will take for me to catch up with the others since I’m starting from scratch, doesn’t that mean I’ll be the worst in the group? I just can’t understand, why did they have to choose me?” I thought of some sisters I knew who had good writing skills. Not long after they started doing text-based work, they were reassigned because they were unfit for the job. I felt that I wasn’t as good as them, and if I couldn’t do the work well, it would be humiliating. No matter how I compared the two, I felt that my current duty was more stable and prestigious. The more I thought this way, the more I felt that the leaders were too hasty in their consideration, that they hadn’t understood my strengths clearly before transferring me. I complained to the team leader, “Have the leaders not evaluated this matter carefully? I’m better at making videos. Text-based work is not my strength; if I am to go, I won’t do it well. Shouldn’t they reconsider based on my strengths?” I thought the team leader would empathize with me from my perspective, and maybe talk with the leaders about reconsidering my adjustment. But she fellowshipped that I should consider the needs of the church’s work first. I realized that I shouldn’t argue, and should obey first.

Later, I looked up the principles regarding the adjustment of duties. God’s words say: “The house of God arranges for people to perform certain duties not based on people’s preferences, but based on the needs of the work and whether someone’s performing that duty can achieve results. Would you say that the house of God should arrange duties based on individual preferences? Should it use people based on the condition of satisfying their personal preferences? (No.) Which of these aligns with the principles of the house of God in utilizing people? Which aligns with the truth principles? It is choosing people according to the needs of the work in God’s house and the results of people performing their duties” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). After reading God’s words, I understood this: In the church, assigning duties according to individual strengths is only one aspect. The most important thing is to do it based on the needs of the church’s work. Now there’s a shortage of people for the text-based work, and the workload within my group isn’t heavy. Even if I am absent, it will not delay the progress. I should consider the church’s work first, setting aside my personal choices and demands. If I only satisfy my own preferences, that’s too selfish. Recognizing this, I did not feel so resistant in my heart anymore.

Later, I read these words of God: “If one believes in God but does not heed His words, accept the truth, or submit to His arrangements and orchestrations; if they only exhibit certain good behaviors, but are unable to rebel against the flesh, and relinquish nothing of their pride or interests; if, though by appearances they are performing their duty, they still live by their satanic dispositions, and have not in the least given up or changed their satanic philosophies and modes of existence, how, then, could they possibly believe in God? … However many years they have believed, they have not established a normal relationship with God; no matter what they do or what happens to them, the first thing they think is: ‘What do I want to do; what would be in my interest, and what wouldn’t; what could happen if I did such-and-such’—these are the things they consider first. They give no consideration whatsoever to what sort of practice would glorify God and bear witness to Him, or satisfy God’s intentions, nor do they pray to seek what God’s requirements are and what His words say. They never pay attention to what God’s intentions or requirements are, and how people must practice in order to satisfy God. Though they may sometimes pray before God and fellowship with Him, they are merely talking to themselves, not sincerely seeking the truth. When they pray to God and read His words, they do not relate them to the matters they encounter in real life. So, in the environment arranged by God, how do they treat His sovereignty, arrangements, and orchestrations? When faced with things that do not satisfy their own desires, they avoid them and resist them in their hearts. When faced with things that cause a loss to their interests or prevent their interests’ satisfaction, they try every means to seek a way out, striving to maximize their own benefits and fighting to avoid any losses. They do not seek to satisfy God’s intentions, but only their own desires. Is this faith in God? Do such people have a relationship with God? No, they do not. They live in a base, sordid, intransigent, and ugly manner. Not only do they have no relationship with God, but they also go against God’s sovereignty and arrangements at every turn. They often say, ‘May God hold sovereignty over and govern everything in my life. I am willing to let God take the throne and reign and rule in my heart. I am willing to submit to God’s arrangements and orchestrations.’ However, when the things they are faced with harm their own interests, they cannot submit. Instead of seeking the truth in an environment arranged by God, they seek to turn and escape from that environment. They do not want to submit to God’s arrangements and orchestrations, but to do things according to their own will, only insofar as their interests come to no harm. They completely disregard God’s intentions, caring only about their own interests, their own circumstances, and their own moods and feelings. Is this believing in God? (No.)” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Ceremony). From God’s words, I saw that when sincere believers in God encounter things that don’t accord with their notions or their interests suffer losses, they will actively seek the truth to resolve their corruption, find answers in God’s words, and wait for God’s enlightenment and guidance. Those who do not seek the truth and are unreasonable will only fixate on people or situations when they encounter things that don’t accord with their notions, and they may even complain about God and refuse to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. Linking this to myself, whenever I thought about not being able to be esteemed by others when doing text-based work and being revealed as useless, I tried to justify myself and make excuses, hiding behind my lack of skills, consciously emphasizing my weaknesses, hoping the team leader would sympathize with and understand me, so that I could stay in that group and maintain my status. When things hadn’t befallen me and I was enjoying my prestige, I claimed to submit to God and accept things from Him. However, when faced with things that didn’t accord with my notions or caused losses to my personal interests, I argued and resisted, felt defiant toward, and dissatisfied with God’s orchestrations. Additionally, I looked for fault in others, claiming that the leaders’ arrangements were unreasonable. Thinking about it carefully, the leaders were clearly making reasonable adjustments based on the needs of the work, and I did have some writing skills; it wasn’t like I was completely unskilled. But because I felt this adjustment would bring harm to my reputation and status, I had complained and resisted. It was truly unreasonable of me! So, I prayed to God, willing to accept this from Him and submit, and try my best to do the text-based work.

After the adjustment of my duty, I saw that most of the brothers and sisters there had better writing skills than I did. Some had previously been leaders, and some had been doing text-based work for years, they had a good grasp of the principles, and they discussed issues and expressed their views clearly and insightfully. I felt quite envious. Unknowingly, I became a bit frustrated, thinking about how I’d just started and I was already so far behind them. I wondered, “When will I be able to reach their level?” But I did not become too discouraged. Knowing that I was quite deficient in terms of the principles, the profession, and other aspects, I spent time familiarizing myself with the principles and sought guidance and learned from the brothers and sisters when I didn’t understand something. But since I was new to this duty, I didn’t have any good insights when discussing issues with the brothers and sisters. Occasionally, when I did express some views, they were inappropriate, and I felt quite embarrassed. At this rate, the more I worked, the worse I would appear—to say nothing of getting people to esteem me. I worried that the brothers and sisters would think that my caliber was too poor, and that I was not worth cultivating. Seeing how important and challenging this work was, I became even more worried about not doing well and getting adjusted. That would be very humiliating. From then on, I was always half-heartedly doing my duty. I stared at the computer screen, my mind empty. I lacked interest and motivation to learn the profession. There was a constant inexplicable sense of despondency in my heart. Sometimes, I even fantasized about when the leaders might change their minds and send me back, thinking it would be better than being revealed as useless and going unnoticed here. Later, the sister who was coaching me in the profession identified some issues of principle in my duties. When she analyzed them, she even pointed out these problems and deviations in the group. I felt very embarrassed. Unconsciously, memories of when I used to make videos came to mind. Back then, I was prestigious. People came to me with questions, and I was the one pointing out mistakes to others most of the time. Now, however, I had become a negative example, and constantly had my mistakes pointed out. It was simply two extremes! This contrast made me even more negative. I even thought about telling the leaders that I wasn’t capable of this work and wanted to go back to make videos. But I was afraid others would say I wasn’t being obedient, so I reluctantly did my duties.

One day, I suddenly remembered God’s words that said: “If you don’t resolve problems in a timely manner when they occur, once these problems within you accumulate and become increasingly serious, and your enthusiasm or resolve is already no longer sufficient to support you in the performance of your duties, you will collapse into negativity, even to the point that there is a danger of you leaving God, and you certainly cannot stand firm” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (11)). I realized that not addressing this negative state was very dangerous. Although I outwardly did my duty, my heart wasn’t in it. I often reminisced about the times when I was esteemed and praised by others, and I never gave it my best effort. I realized that this problem had to be resolved, and I couldn’t continue to be perfunctory and dupe myself like this. Later, when reflecting, I read God’s words: “Let no person think of themselves as perfect, distinguished, noble, or distinct from others; all this is brought about by man’s arrogant disposition and ignorance. Always thinking of oneself as set apart—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never being able to accept their shortcomings, and never being able to confront their mistakes and failures—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to be higher than themselves, or to be better than themselves—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never allowing others’ strengths to surpass or exceed their own—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to have better thoughts, suggestions, and views than themselves, and, when they discover that others are better than themselves, becoming negative, not wishing to speak, feeling distressed and dejected, and becoming upset—all of this is caused by an arrogant disposition. An arrogant disposition can make you protective of your reputation, unable to accept others’ corrections, unable to confront your shortcomings, and unable to accept your own failures and mistakes. More than that, when someone is better than you, it can cause hatred and jealousy to emerge in your heart, and you can feel constrained, such that you do not wish to do your duty and become perfunctory in performing it. An arrogant disposition can cause these behaviors and practices to emerge in you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). God’s words helped me find the reason for my negativity. I always thought I was capable and held myself in high regard, wanting to be in a preeminent position, with people circling and praising me wherever I went. When I couldn’t gain others’ esteem or step into the limelight, I became negative and wanted to escape the situation. This was all due to my nature being too arrogant. I had just started practicing doing text-based work, and there were so many things I didn’t understand or know how to do. No principle can be learned just by listening or reading it a few times; it requires a period of practical learning. During this time, mistakes and failures are inevitable. People who really have reason can all approach these things correctly. But I had no self-awareness at all. Wherever I went, I wanted to show that I was special. I was clearly just starting out, but I was eager to achieve something to showcase my abilities, so that my brothers and sisters would see that I had good caliber. When I couldn’t do well, fell short, or wasn’t in the limelight, I became negative and slacked off, losing the motivation to learn the profession. I even thought about giving up my duty and leaving. I realized I was truly arrogant and thought I was such a big shot. The suffering I endured was purely self-inflicted.

I began to think, “Why was I so motivated when making videos in the past, but now that I’m doing text-based work, I can never muster any enthusiasm?” Later, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of my state. God’s words say: “If people have a heart which loves the truth, they will have the strength to pursue the truth, and can work hard at practicing the truth. They can abandon that which should be abandoned, and let go of that which should be let go of. In particular, things that pertain to your own fame, gain, and status should be let go of. If you do not let them go, it means you do not love the truth and do not have the strength to pursue the truth. When things happen to you, you must seek the truth, and practice the truth. If, at those times when you need to practice the truth, you always have a selfish heart and cannot let go of your own self-interest, you will be unable to put the truth into practice. If you never seek or practice the truth in any circumstance, you are not a person who loves the truth. No matter how many years you have believed in God, you will not obtain the truth. Some people are always pursuing fame, gain, and self-interest. Whatever work the church arranges for them, they always deliberate, thinking, ‘Will this benefit me? If it will, I’ll do it; if it won’t, then I won’t.’ A person like this does not practice the truth—so can they perform their duty well? They most certainly cannot. Even if you have not done evil, you are still not a person who practices the truth. If you do not pursue the truth, do not love positive things, and whatever befalls you, you only care about your own reputation and status, your own self-interest, and what is good for you, then you are a person who is only driven by self-interest, and who is selfish and base” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words say that if people have a heart that loves the truth, when things befall them that touch on their vanity, status, and interests, they can let go of it, and rebel against their flesh to practice the truth. I reflected on how, when I was making videos, I thought I was burdened and obedient and considered myself a person who pursued the truth. Only when faced with reality did I realize that what I did before was not me trying to satisfy God, that I was just doing some work when it didn’t involve my own interests. Now, I kept wanting to return to making videos not because I loved that duty, but because I couldn’t let go of the support and esteem of my brothers and sisters. Although, on the surface, I didn’t have the title of team leader, my brothers and sisters had a good impression of me in their hearts. Every time I solved a problem or did something well, I received their esteem and praise, which I enjoyed immensely. Therefore, no matter how much of a price I paid or how much I suffered, I had no complaints. In contrast, doing text-based work made me feel humiliated. Here, I had to learn everything from scratch, and no one paid attention to me. It was impossible for me to be a teacher to others as I was before. Not only did I have to put aside myself and ask others basic questions, I was so deficient in this profession that I also had to constantly accept guidance. I didn’t want to face my deficiencies; I just wanted to revel in bouquets and applause, and enjoy the esteem and praise of others. I even fantasized that one day the leaders would let me start making videos again, so that I could continue to be surrounded and praised by people. But this result never came. Instead, what came was the continuous revelation of my corruption and shortcomings. Therefore, I became negative and upset, and lost my motivation in doing my duty. At this point, I realized that in the past I had just done my duty for the sake of reputation and status, and I hadn’t regarded my duty as a responsibility at all.

During that time, I frequently sought and reflected on my state. I read God’s words, which said: “For antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue. Why are they always thinking about such things? After reading the words of God, after hearing sermons, do they really not understand all this, are they really not able to discern all this? Are the words of God and the truth really not able to change their notions, ideas, and opinions? That is not the case at all. The problem lies in them, it is wholly because they do not love the truth, because, in their hearts, they are averse to the truth, and as a result, they are utterly unreceptive to the truth—which is determined by their nature essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). The words of God expose that antichrists particularly love reputation and status. They believe in God, forsake things, and expend themselves all for the sake of reputation and status. Once they lose their status, it’s as if their life is taken away; they lose interest and motivation in everything. Reflecting on my own behavior, I realized I was just like an antichrist, craving admiration and worship from others, and even considering the pursuit of reputation and status as a positive thing. For many years, I have been chasing after it. At home, my father often told me to “stand out above the rest” and “bring honor to the family” and that being a successful person was the only way to have a future. At school, teachers instilled in me the idea that “Man struggles upward; water flows downward.” These things were continuously instilled in my thoughts, making me increasingly fond of reputation and status, and willing to endure any hardship for it. During my school years, in order to achieve good grades and gain the praise and admiration of teachers and classmates, I would drink coffee to stay up late doing assignments, and even attend classes while sick. For the past few years in the church, while making videos, I outwardly endured hardship and paid the price, learning skills and doing more work, all with the goal of gaining others’ admiration. When my duty was changed and I no longer received admiration from others, and even revealed my own shortcomings and inadequacies due to mistakes, I became discouraged, misunderstanding and resenting the circumstances God arranged, and lost motivation in doing my duty. I saw that I was living for reputation and status, constantly thinking about how to gain others’ admiration. What I pursued was completely contrary to what God requires. I thought of God’s words that say: “God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, and yet you still mulishly compete for status, you unfailingly cherish and protect it, always trying to take it for yourself. And in nature, is all of this not antagonistic to God?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). Although I haven’t yet resorted to winning people over, establishing myself, or creating an independent kingdom for the sake of status like an antichrist, and haven’t yet committed any obvious evil deeds, my intentions and views on pursuit were wrong. I constantly sought to have a place in people’s hearts. Continuing down this path is dangerous and detestable to God. Realizing this, I was very grateful for God’s protection.

Through this adjustment in my duties, I was prompted to reflect on the wrong path I was taking and to turn back in time. This is God’s salvation for me. Even though I no longer had the opportunity to stand out and be in the spotlight, I was able to submit sincerely. I also felt some regret for wasting so much time over the past few years. If I had put the same effort into pursuing truth and knowing myself instead of seeking status, I would be more reasonable, more obedient to God, and not as rebellious and corrupt as I was now. To address these issues, I read two more passages of God’s words. Almighty God says: “If you wish to give all your loyalty in all things to satisfy God’s intentions, you cannot do it by just performing one duty; you must accept any commission God bestows upon you. Whether it is to your tastes and matches your interests, or is something you do not enjoy, have never done before, or is difficult, you should still accept it and submit. Not only must you accept it, but you must also proactively cooperate, and learn about it, while experiencing and entering. Even if you suffer hardship, are tired, humiliated, or are ostracized, you must still give it all your loyalty. Only by practicing in this way will you be able to give all your loyalty in all things and satisfy God’s intentions. You must regard it as your duty to perform, not as personal business. How should you understand duties? As something that the Creator—God—gives someone to do; this is how people’s duties come about. The commission that God gives you is your duty, and it is perfectly natural and justified that you perform your duty as God demands. If it is clear to you that this duty is God’s commission, and that this is God’s love and God’s blessing coming upon you, then you will be able to accept your duty with a God-loving heart, and you will be able to be considerate of God’s intentions as you perform your duty, and you will be able to overcome all difficulties to satisfy God. Those who truly expend themselves for God could never refuse God’s commission; they could never refuse any duty. No matter what duty God entrusts you with, regardless of what difficulties it entails, you should not refuse it, but accept it. This is the path of practice, which is to practice the truth and give all your loyalty in all things, in order to satisfy God. What is the focus here? It is on the words ‘in all things.’ ‘All things’ does not necessarily mean things that you like or are good at, much less things with which you are familiar. Sometimes they will be things you are not good at, things you need to learn, things which are difficult, or things where you must suffer. However, regardless of what thing it is, as long as God has entrusted you with it, you must accept it from Him; you must accept it and perform the duty well, giving it all your loyalty and satisfying God’s intentions. This is the path of practice” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “Making a fool of yourself is a good thing. It helps you to see your own deficiencies and your love of vanity. It shows you where your problems lie and it helps you to understand clearly that you are not a perfect person. There are no perfect people and making a fool of yourself is very normal. All people experience times where they make a fool of themselves or are embarrassed. All people fail, experience setbacks, and have weaknesses. Making a fool of yourself is not bad. When you make a fool of yourself but do not feel embarrassed, and do not feel depressed deep inside, that does not mean you are thick-skinned; it means that you do not care whether making a fool of yourself will affect your reputation and it means that your vanity no longer occupies your thoughts. It means that you have matured in your humanity. This is wonderful! Is this not a good thing? It is a good thing. Do not think that you have not performed well or that you have bad luck, and do not look for the objective causes behind it. It is normal. You may make a fool of yourself, others may make fools of themselves, everyone may make a fool of themselves—eventually you will discover that everyone is the same, all are ordinary people, all mortals, that no one is greater than anyone else, and no one is any better than anyone else. Everyone makes a fool of themselves sometimes, so no one should make fun of anyone else. Once you have experienced numerous failures, you gradually mature in your humanity; so whenever you encounter these things again, you will no longer be constrained, and they will not have an impact on the normal performance of your duty. Your humanity will be normal, and when your humanity is normal, your reason will be normal too” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (2)). After reading God’s words, I found a path to practice in this situation. Whether or not I would be admired by others or have opportunities to stand out, I must submit to the environment arranged by God and treat my duty sincerely, putting my heart and strength into it. It was my responsibility and what I should do. Later, even though sometimes the work I had finished still had mistakes, and when others pointed out many issues, I felt bad, I no longer reacted negatively. The more mistakes and failures I encountered, the more they pushed me to return to God in time to know my corruption, analyzing and reflecting on my deviations and lacking. This also deepened my memory of certain principles, which benefited both my performance of the duty and my life entry. With this understanding, my mindset improved, and I no longer cared as much about how others viewed me. In terms of the profession, I analyzed my deviations and problems, sought help from brothers and sisters when I didn’t understand something, and looked for and entered into relevant principles. I also learned from others’ good practices. Regarding my state, I used my spare time to reflect and ponder, knowing myself based on God’s words concerning my revealed corruptions. After practicing this for a while, I started to like my current duty, and the results of my duty improved compared to before. Looking back on this process, I’ve realized God’s earnest intentions. Doing my duty in this environment has brought me many gains. It was through these failures and revelations that I could see clearly my lacking and true stature, learn to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and seek the principles more in my duties. Moreover, constantly being tempered in this environment has matured me in my humanity, making me less impulsive and fragile, better able to treat my lacking correctly, and start learning to seek God’s intentions and truth principles. All these are training and perfection for me.

Experiencing this adjustment in my duties, I have come to understand that no matter what duty we’re doing, whether our reputation is upheld or whether we are admired by others, these things are not important. What matters is whether we can submit to God and have testimonies of practicing the truth. In the past, when I saw others become negative and disobedient after their duties were adjusted, I looked down on them and thought I was better. Facing the facts now, I saw that my nature was too arrogant, and I was no more submissive to God than others. Through the situations arranged by God, I have gained some knowledge of myself and undergone some changes. I am truly grateful for God’s salvation from my heart!