By Hailey, Japan

When I began working in watering newcomers in the church in 2017, I rushed to study and gain knowledge of all the relevant truth principles so that I could be competent in my work as soon as possible. I put in a lot of work and paid a great price in my duty, and so I got better and better results. After around one year, I was selected to serve as a group leader. The brothers and sisters all said that rapid progress was made after I became group leader and they would all come to me for fellowship when they had issues. I thought to myself, “It seems like everyone really approves of me. As long as I keep pursuing the truth, I’ll certainly have a chance at being promoted to an even higher position later on. Everyone will really look up to me then.”

Not long after that, the supervisor for our group was dismissed for not doing real work. I thought to myself, “I’ve always been very proactive in my duty, I’ve been able to resolve some of the brothers and sisters’ problems and difficulties and I’ve been effective in my work. Now that I’m a group leader and we’ll soon be selecting a new supervisor, I’ll certainly be the top choice. This is a great chance to distinguish myself!” But only a few days later, our leader transferred a sister from another church to be our supervisor, saying that she had good caliber, pursued the truth and was worthy of being cultivated. I was really disappointed when I heard this news. I thought, “So this sister is a good candidate for cultivation and I’m not?” However, it then occurred to me that if the sister really could do real work, this was a positive outcome. After I realized that, I was more able to submit. Later on, when the sister was reassigned to another duty due to certain needs of the church’s work, I got very excited and thought, “They’ll certainly consider me for the supervisor position this time around.” But only a few days later, our leader promoted Sister Adele to the supervisor role. This time I didn’t take the news with such equanimity. I thought, “I work really hard in my duty and am able to resolve some actual issues. Why didn’t the leader promote me? Does he think I’m not fit to be cultivated? Does he think little of me? What will the brothers and sisters think of me now that I’ve been passed over for promotion twice? Adele has just been transferred here and often comes to me for suggestions because she hasn’t gotten the hang of the work yet, and yet our leader regards her highly and is cultivating her.” I felt so frustrated and wronged when all this occurred to me. Later, when Adele sought me out to get up to speed with the work and asked too many questions, I became impatient. I thought, “Aren’t you the supervisor? Your caliber can’t be all that good if you keep asking questions I’ve already answered!” Sometimes when brothers and sisters came to Adele with questions and difficulties regarding watering newcomers that she hadn’t dealt with before, she wouldn’t know how to fellowship and resolve them, and would ask for my help. I would intentionally reply, “This is a simple issue. You just have to identify the crux of the problem and fellowship the truth regarding it clearly.” I would then give examples of how I had resolved similar issues. I thought, “I’ve got to show everyone that I’ve got talent. It’s not that I lack the skill but it’s that I haven’t been given the opportunity to be the supervisor.” Later on, Adele suggested that we move in together so that she could consult me whenever any issues came up. I thought, “Consult me whenever issues come up? But then you’ll get all the credit when the issue’s resolved, not me. Why should I be your behind-the-scenes helper?” After this occurred to me, I turned her down on the grounds that “I didn’t have time to spare due to my busy schedule watering newcomers.” Adele asked me again on several occasions, but I never agreed. Gradually, I noticed that Adele seemed to be a bit constrained by me and had become a bit passive about discussing work. However, I didn’t reflect on and come to know myself, instead just thinking that Adele was having a hard time serving as supervisor. What’s more, I thought, if I actively partnered with her, and her state improved and she got back on track with her work, I wouldn’t have any chance at being promoted. On the contrary, when she sank into negativity, it would further highlight my own enthusiasm and initiative. So, when we were discussing work, I would be very proactive and enthusiastic and would take on a leading role to distinguish myself.

Later on, because more and more people were accepting God’s work in the last days and a few more waterers were assigned to our group, Adele had me spend more time helping the newly arrived brothers and sisters. I would use these opportunities to tell people about how I sought the truth to resolve newcomers’ notions and confusions, systematically outlining my personal experience and paths of practice for them. After that, whenever the brothers and sisters had issues, they would seek me out for discussion. In some cases, people would even come to me with problems that Adele herself couldn’t resolve. I was feeling very happy with myself, and thought, “Looks like all my work these days is paying off and everyone approves of me. I might not be a supervisor, but I can handle much of a supervisor’s work. Next time there’s an election for workers and leaders, the brothers and sisters will certainly vote for me.”

Not long after that, it was time for the annual election and I was feeling really excited. I thought, “If I’m selected as a leader, I’ll have the power to make decisions on church projects. If the work progresses under my supervision, the brothers and sisters will certainly think I’m worthy of my position and will respect me even more.” But to my great surprise, when the results were announced, my name wasn’t called. My face went flush and I felt incredibly embarrassed. To add insult to injury, the brothers and sisters said I had an arrogant disposition, often constrained people, didn’t prioritize life entry, rarely reflected on myself, gained knowledge or learned lessons from things; in short, I didn’t pursue the truth. When I heard all that, I felt just awful—now all the brothers and sisters knew I didn’t pursue the truth. Not only had I failed to distinguish myself, I’d completely embarrassed myself. During those days I was afraid that the brothers and sisters would ask me what I had taken from that situation, but I also worried that no one would speak to me, that they’d gain discernment of me and avoid me. My emotions were all over the place and all I could think of was what had happened. I couldn’t apply myself to my duty and I felt terribly agonized and tormented. I kept wondering why I was faced with this kind of ordeal. Later on, some brothers and sisters fellowshipped with me and urged me to spend more time reflecting on my performance in my duty. They also pointed out that despite having some abilities in my work, I didn’t prioritize pursuing the truth, only sought reputation and status and was walking the wrong path. I knew that the brothers and sisters’ advice and help derived from God and so I came before Him in prayer, “Oh God, being revealed like this has been very hard for me. Dear God, please enlighten me and allow me to gain knowledge of myself and understand Your intention.”

One day, while reading God’s words, I came across a couple of passages in which God exposes how antichrists seek reputation and status. God’s words say: “No matter what duty the antichrists do, they will try to put themselves in a high position, in a position of primacy. They could never be content with their place as an ordinary follower. And what are they most passionate about? It is standing in front of people giving orders and telling people off, making people do as they say. They never think about how to do their duty properly—much less, while doing their duty, do they seek the truth principles in order to practice the truth and satisfy God. Instead, they rack their brains for ways to distinguish themselves, to make the leaders think highly of them and promote them, so that they themselves can become a leader or worker, and can lead other people. This is what they spend all day thinking about and hoping for. Antichrists are not willing to be led by others, nor are they willing to be an ordinary follower, much less to go quietly about doing their duty without fanfare. Whatever their duty, if they cannot be front and center, if they cannot be above others and lead other people, they find doing their duty boring, and become negative and start slacking. Without the praise or worship of others, it is even less interesting to them, and they have even less desire to do their duty. But if they can be front and center while doing their duty and get to have the final say, they feel fortified, and will suffer any hardship. They always have personal intentions in the performance of their duty, and they always want to distinguish themselves as a means to satisfy their need to beat other people, and satisfy their desires and ambitions” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Seven)). “For antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less something extraneous that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words expose how antichrists place paramount importance on reputation and status. No matter when and where, it is their ultimate goal to attain a good reputation and high status. They only believe in God and do their duties in order to distinguish themselves and gain the respect of others. They are always striving to attain positions of status, to win the final say and decision-making power and to gain authority over others. If they are unable to gain status and reputation, they begin to think believing in God is meaningless and there’s no reason to do their duty. Considering God’s words, I realized that the disposition I revealed and my view on pursuit were no different than an antichrist’s. I was always striving to become a supervisor or leader, because I thought that leaders and workers had the final say, could make important decisions and were highly respected, supported and esteemed. As a group leader, the scope of my authority was limited and I rarely got to distinguish myself, so whenever I got results in my work, I’d have a sudden urge to gain even more power and authority so that even more people would respect me and gather round me. When I heard that the church would be selecting a new supervisor, I really looked forward to the election because I thought my chance to distinguish myself had finally arrived. But then, when the leader just transferred in a supervisor from another church, I was deeply disappointed and refused to accept this result, believing that the leader didn’t want to give me a chance to train and had something against me. To prove that I was better than the current supervisor, I intentionally made things hard for her and excluded her, which caused her to become constrained. In order to make sure I was elected as a supervisor, I used every opportunity of helping brothers and sisters to show off and establish myself, so that more people would approve of me and vote for me in the next election. All I sought was status and reputation and everything I did was all in order to attain status. I was walking the path of an antichrist. Realizing this, I felt terribly regretful, and so I prayed to God, “Oh God, I haven’t been pursuing the truth in my duty, I vye for status and reputation and have rebelled against and resisted You. Dear God, I am no longer willing to continue in this way and am ready to repent. Please enlighten me so that I may come to know myself.”

One time, during devotionals, I came across this passage of God’s words: “When a satanic disposition has taken root in people and become their nature, this is enough to plant darkness and evil in their hearts, and to lead them to pursue and choose the wrong path. Under the driving force of a corrupt satanic disposition, what are people’s ideals, hopes, ambitions, and life goals and directions? Do they not run contrary to positive things? For example, people always want to have renown or be celebrities; they wish to gain great fame and prestige, and to bring honor to their ancestors. Are these positive things? These are not at all in line with positive things; moreover, they run counter to the law of God’s sovereignty over the fate of mankind. … Do you always want to spread your wings and take flight, do you always wish to fly solo, to be an eagle rather than a little bird? What disposition is this? Is this the principle of human conduct? Your pursuit of human conduct should be based on God’s words; only God’s words are the truth. You have been too deeply corrupted by Satan, and always take traditional culture—the words of Satan—as the truth, as the object of your pursuit, which makes it easy for you to take the wrong path, to walk the path of resisting God. The thoughts and views of corrupt mankind, and the things they strive for are contrary to the desires of God, to the truth, and to the laws of God’s sovereignty over everything, His orchestration of everything, and His control over mankind’s fate. So no matter how proper and reasonable this kind of pursuit is according to human thoughts and notions, from God’s perspective they are not positive things, and they are not in line with His intentions. Because you go against the fact of God’s sovereignty over mankind’s fate, and because you wish to go solo, taking your fate into your own hands, you are always hitting walls, so hard that blood flows from your head, and nothing ever works out for you. Why does nothing work out for you? Because the laws that God established are inalterable by any created being. God’s authority and power are above all else, inviolable by any created being. People think far too much of their abilities. What is it that makes people always wish to be free of God’s sovereignty, and always wish to grab hold of their own fate and plan their own future, and wish to control their prospects, direction, and life goals? Where does this starting point come from? (A corrupt satanic disposition.) What then does a corrupt satanic disposition bring to people? (Opposition to God.) What comes of people opposing God? (Pain.) Pain? It is destruction! Pain isn’t the half of it. What you see right before your eyes is pain, negativity, and weakness, and it is resistance and complaints—what outcome will these things bring? Annihilation! This is no small matter, and it is no game” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. A Corrupt Disposition Can Only Be Resolved by Accepting the Truth). Through the exposure of God’s words, I realized that after man is corrupted by Satan, his life is governed by a satanic corrupt disposition characterized by arrogance and conceit, and wickedness and deceitfulness. He can no longer submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and is always filled with ambition and desire, striving to become a great, famous person and seeking to attain high status and become the greatest of men. Satanic philosophies such as “Man struggles upward; water flows downward” and “A soldier who doesn’t want to be a general is not a good soldier” had taken root in my heart long ago, leading me to view seeking reputation and status as a legitimate goal. In school, I strived to be the top student and if I didn’t perform well on tests, I would be depressed for several days after. When I entered the workforce after graduating, I worked diligently to become one of the best employees—I would volunteer to work overtime and select the hardest jobs to win the favor of my boss and earn a chance at being promoted. Once I entered the faith, I believed that I could gain the respect and support of others by becoming a supervisor or leader in the church, and so I strived to attain high status. Especially when I became a group leader and gained the approval of my brothers and sisters, my ambition and desire reached new heights. I became increasingly arrogant, thinking I had the capital and the qualifications to be promoted as a supervisor, or even a leader. When my leader promoted Adele over me, I felt resistant and resentful and was unwilling to support and cooperate with her in our work. I was also always trying to compete with her. I would often seize on chances to show off how I was able to resolve issues—on the one hand I wanted to make Adele think she wasn’t on my level, on the other hand I was trying to show the brothers and sisters that I was more talented than her. In this way, I hoped that everyone would come to me when they had issues and would think of me first if another election was held. I considered status to be more important than anything else and I never reflected on myself even as I met with repeated setbacks. What’s more, I was resentful and indignant, thinking that I had capital because I was able to perform some work well and should be made a leader of others. I was unbelievably arrogant and shameless! Reflecting on this, I realized that I only believed in God in order to seek status. I didn’t prioritize pursuing the truth and had very little of the truth reality—as such, I just wouldn’t be able to do any substantial work that leaders and workers must perform. I also had poor humanity, which made me even less qualified to be a leader. If I had been elected as leader, it would have harmed both the brothers and sisters and the church!

After that, I read another two passages of God’s words that helped me better understand the nature and consequences of pursuing reputation and status. God’s words say: “If someone says they love the truth and that they pursue the truth, but in essence, the goal they pursue is to distinguish themselves, to show off, to make people think highly of them, to achieve their own interests, and the performing of their duty is not to submit to or satisfy God, and instead is to achieve fame, gain, and status, then their pursuit is illegitimate. That being the case, when it comes to the work of the church, are their actions an obstacle, or do they help move it forward? They are clearly an obstacle; they do not move it forward. Some people wave the banner of doing the work of the church yet pursue their own personal fame, gain, and status, run their own operation, create their own little group, their own little kingdom—is this kind of person doing their duty? All the work they do essentially disrupts, disturbs, and impairs the work of the church. What is the consequence of their pursuit of fame, gain, and status? First, this affects how God’s chosen people eat and drink God’s word normally and understand the truth, it hinders their life entry, stops them from entering the right track of faith in God, and leads them onto the wrong path—which harms the chosen ones, and brings them to ruin. And what does it ultimately do to the work of the church? It is disturbance, impairment, and dismantlement. This is the consequence brought about by people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. When they do their duty in this way, can this not be defined as walking the path of an antichrist? When God asks that people put aside fame, gain, and status, it is not that He is depriving people of the right to choose; rather, it is because, while pursuing fame, gain, and status, people disrupt and disturb the work of the church and the life entry of God’s chosen people, and can even have an influence on more people’s eating and drinking God’s words, understanding the truth, and thus achieving God’s salvation. This is an indisputable fact. When people pursue their own fame, gain, and status, it is certain that they will not pursue the truth and that they will not faithfully fulfill their duty. They will only speak and act for the sake of fame, gain, and status, and all the work they do, without the least exception, is for those things’ sake. To behave and act in such a way is, without question, to walk the path of antichrists; it is a disruption and disturbance of God’s work, and all its various consequences are hindering the spread of the kingdom gospel and the carrying out of God’s will within the church. So, one may say with certainty that the path walked by those who pursue fame, gain, and status is the path of resistance against God. It is intentional resistance against Him, naysaying Him—it is to cooperate with Satan in resisting God and standing in opposition to Him. This is the nature of people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). “God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, because the pursuit of status is a satanic disposition, it is a wrong path, it is born of the corruption of Satan, it is something condemned by God, and it is the very thing that God judges and purifies. God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, and yet you still mulishly compete for status, you unfailingly cherish and protect it, always trying to take it for yourself. And in nature, is all of this not antagonistic to God? Status is not ordained for people by God; God provides people with the truth, the way, and the life, and ultimately makes them become an acceptable created being, a small and insignificant created being—not someone who has status and prestige and is revered by thousands of people. And so, no matter what perspective it is viewed from, the pursuit of status is a dead end. No matter how reasonable your excuse for pursuing status is, this path is still the wrong one, and is not approved of by God. No matter how hard you try or how great the price you pay, if you desire status, God will not give it to you; if it’s not given by God, you will fail in fighting to obtain it, and if you keep fighting there will only be one outcome: You will be revealed and eliminated, and you will meet with a dead end. You understand this, yes?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). Reading God’s words and seeing His dissection and characterization of those that seek status and reputation, truly pierced my heart. I really hadn’t realized how serious the nature and consequences of seeking status and reputation were. When people seek these things, they directly dismantle and destroy the church’s work and serve as Satan’s lackey. God condemns such actions. Seeking status goes against God’s demands and is acting in direct opposition to Him—behaving in this way is a road to ruin! Our previous supervisor had been dismissed for not doing real work, so it was very beneficial for the church’s work when Adele came in, because she was a pursuer of the truth and really prioritized seeking truth principles when things befell her, and she could do some real work. I should have supported and cooperated with her, but because I had become so obsessed with reputation and status, I couldn’t accept that Adele had been appointed as the supervisor. Time and again, I refused to cooperate with her when she proposed that we discuss the work together. This left Adele feeling constrained and negative and the church work was negatively affected. Not only did I fail to reflect on myself, I didn’t take responsibility for what I’d done to her, thinking that she had only become negative because she wasn’t cut out for the supervisor role. I even looked forward to when she finally realized it was too much for her and quit, because then I’d be able to slide into her position. Wasn’t I obstructing and disturbing the church’s work? I even exploited the opportunities of discussing work and helping brothers and sisters to distinguish myself, so they would come to me when they had issues, making Adele just a figurehead. I was acting as a lackey of Satan and disturbing and dismantling the church’s work. I was doing evil and resisting God! God’s words say: “No matter how hard you try or how great the price you pay, if you desire status, God will not give it to you; if it’s not given by God, you will fail in fighting to obtain it, and if you keep fighting there will only be one outcome: You will be revealed and eliminated, and you will meet with a dead end.” I realized that in seeking status, I was walking the path of resistance to God and the only outcome would be death. This filled me with fear. My seeking of status and reputation had become a serious problem and if I continued on like that, my ambition and desire would continue to swell. Who knew what evil things I would do if I were actually to attain status. If I didn’t repent soon and continued on that mistaken path of pursuit, I would eventually commit some great evil and be eliminated and punished by God.

Later on, during a gathering, I saw this passage of God’s words: “As one member of created humanity, a person must keep their own position, and behave conscientiously. Dutifully guard that which is entrusted to you by the Creator. Do not act out of line, or do things beyond your range of ability or which are loathsome to God. Do not try to be great, or become a superman, or above others, nor seek to become God. This is how people should not desire to be. Seeking to become great or a superman is absurd. Seeking to become God is even more disgraceful; it is disgusting, and despicable. What is commendable, and what created beings should hold to more than anything else, is to become a true created being; this is the only goal that all people should pursue” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). Through God’s words I realized that men are mere created beings, and we should keep to our appointed positions and focus on our current duties. It is due to man’s ambition, desire and satanic disposition that he always desires to become an exceptional person with great status. Being appointed as a church leader is not about being granted status, but rather about doing one’s duty well according to the truth principles. No matter whether or not I had any status, I still had to behave conscientiously and keep to my duty. I made a silent resolution that no matter who was elected as leader, I would stand fast in my current position, and fulfill my responsibility conscientiously. Regardless of whether I was elected or attained high status, I would support the leader’s work and do duties properly with all the others, united in heart and mind. A few days later, when the newly elected leader came to debrief me on our work, I explained everything as specifically as possible so that the leader could get a good grasp of the work and be able to proceed efficiently. While discussing the work, I considered which way of acting would be most beneficial for our work and would bring up any good suggestions I had right away. No matter who was serving as leader, the important thing was to cooperate in doing our work and resolve any problems that cropped up. Once I started focusing on the work at hand and how to partner with everyone to do our duty in the most efficient way, I felt much more at ease.

Two months later, the leader was reassigned to another duty and in the new election, I was finally selected to serve as leader. A sister said to me, “Actually, you’ve always been a talented worker and been responsible in your duty, it’s just that previously you weren’t pursuing the truth so we just didn’t dare vote for you. Now we’ve seen how after experiencing the judgment and exposure of God’s words, you’ve become aware of your corrupt disposition, made some changes, become steadier and calmer in your words and actions and shared more innermost and practical thoughts in your fellowship during gatherings. Even after you had just made these slight changes, everyone could see the difference and so we voted for you.” After hearing the sister’s kind words, I felt so grateful to God. It was the judgment and exposure of God’s words that helped me realize my true stature, status and identity. I am just a mere creature that has been deeply corrupted by Satan and lack any truth reality. Even if I did have talent and caliber, I was not any better than the other brothers and sisters. Gradually, my ambition and desire for status weakened and I started to behave more humbly. I didn’t gloat in self-satisfaction after being selected leader—instead, I felt the weight of my duty and a sense of responsibility. It was all through God’s salvation that I was able to make this small transformation. Thanks be to Almighty God!