By He Li, China

I am a former veteran communist party member. Our family used to be poor peasants, but the government gave us land and a new home, so I felt that I should be grateful to the communist party. Due to my being deeply influenced by the communist party’s propaganda, I grew to worship the party and served as a village cadre for over thirty years. During that period, I bore great responsibilities without the slightest grudge, and I’d often be forced to neglect our family’s farming operations due to my duties as a cadre. I was well-regarded for my contributions to the party and was eventually awarded the titles of “advanced cadre” and “advanced party member.” After receiving these honors, I became even more loyal to the party. After entering the faith, I believed that not only should I be devout in my belief, I also needed to continue performing all my work well within the party. It was only after being arrested and persecuted twice by the CCP and eventually being permanently crippled as a result, that I, a former veteran party member, finally came to my senses.

I was just one year in faith when, in April of 2004, I was arrested by the police for hosting a gathering with brothers and sisters. Two officers took me to a local county government office and immediately began searching me. One of them said, “You’d do best to just give us an honest account. As long as you give us a clear account of your faith in Almighty God, you can continue serving as a cadre. If not, don’t blame us if we go rough on you!” I thought to myself, “All I did was hold a gathering and read God’s words, I didn’t do anything against the law. What’s more, I’ve been serving as a cadre for years, done my utmost for the party, and worked hard even if I didn’t always attain merit. Given all that, I’m sure they won’t do anything to me.” So I responded, saying, “It’s not against the law to believe in God. I don’t care if I continue serving as a cadre or not.” One of the officers viciously hissed, “Keep being stubborn and you’ll see how we handle you!” Afterward, not only did they raid my house, they even took away my severely ill wife. They laid my “advanced party member” certificates on the ground and said, “How could you believe in God when you’re a distinguished member of the Communist Party? This is in direct opposition to the Communist Party!” That afternoon, the police separated and interrogated my wife and me. In the National Security Brigade interrogation room, the security corps squad leader aggressively barked, “Who is your church’s leader? Who are you in contact with?” Before I had time to respond, he grabbed me by the hair and slammed my head on the chair. I fell to the floor, feeling dizzy and my vision went black. Knowing that the CCP gave the police the authority to beat people with complete impunity, I felt a bit frightened and worried about what they might do to me. I called out to God, asking Him to protect me so that I may stand firm in my witness. After prayer, I recalled a passage of God’s words: “I am your support and your shield, and all is in My hands. What, then, are you afraid of?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 9). Indeed, no matter how savage the police were, they were all in God’s hands. God was my shield, so I had nothing to fear. As long as I sincerely relied on God, there was no ordeal I couldn’t survive. God’s words gave me faith and strength and the pain became less intense. After finding phone numbers of brothers and sisters with area codes from other provinces while going through my phone, the officer said, “Based on this alone, you could be looking at eight to ten years.” I thought to myself, “I’m not doing anything wrong by believing in God and I haven’t broken any laws. Based on what law should I be sentenced to eight to ten years? No matter what sentence you slap on me, I’ll never betray my brothers and sisters.” Seeing that I wasn’t going to say anything, the officers escorted me to the detention center.

After arriving at the detention center, I was continually interrogated by officers and pressured to sell out my brothers and sisters, but I never gave in. In May of 2004, an officer handed me an educational reform through labor notification and told me to sign it. They had trumped up a charge of “disturbing societal peace” and sentenced me to two and a half years of educational reform through labor. I was enraged and pressed the officer, “What law have I broken by believing in God? Why was I arrested? And why such a heavy sentence?” But he seemed to delight in my suffering, saying, “You still won’t admit guilt? Then I guess you got off easy. Hosting a gathering is tantamount to harboring criminals and is directly in opposition to the CCP. That qualifies you as a political criminal.” That night, I kept wondering why I was given such a heavy sentence just for believing in God. Even if the government prohibits communist party members from practicing religion, shouldn’t an exception be made for me given I’d been a cadre for so many years and had the distinction of being an advanced member? Realizing this, I became very disappointed in the CCP and regretted serving them so dutifully in the past. The two brothers who were arrested with me were given even heavier sentences. I was furious and just couldn’t understand why the CCP hated those who believed in God so much. It was just so difficult to practice our faith in China—it was no wonder that God said: “The great red dragon persecutes God and is the enemy of God, and so, in this land, those who believe in God are thus subjected to humiliation and oppression” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Is the Work of God As Simple As Man Imagines?). Only when the facts were laid out in front of me did I start to gain some awareness. I saw that the CCP deeply hates and frantically resists God. No matter how you serve and sacrifice yourself for the party, as long as you believe in God, they won’t let you off easy. They are truly God-resisting demons! At the time, a brother quietly fellowshipped with me while the officer was away, saying, “It is with God’s permission that we’ve been arrested. This terrible ordeal is more able to perfect our faith. We must rely on God to stand firm in my witness.” I realized, then, that I had been sentenced to education reform through labor with God’s permission. God was using this ordeal to perfect my faith. Once I understood God’s intention, I felt renewed determination and wasn’t worried about my sentence any longer. If I had to serve two and a half years, then so be it! I relied on God and believed that He would give me the strength to stand firm.

In the labor camp, we were made to work like machines. Not long after arriving, an officer chided us saying, “According to the rules, you have human rights, but in reality, you have no human rights at all. Obey orders and do as you’re told! Here, there’s no room for argument or negotiation and you are not to make any demands or requests! You’re not allowed to say you disagree, that you got a heavy sentence, or that you shouldn’t be here. And don’t you dare say, ‘There’s no freedom here,’ ‘Life is difficult here,’ or ‘Manual labor is tiring,’ etc. None of the above statements are allowed. Follow orders!” In the labor camp, there was no freedom. After my first month in the camp, I was assigned to the brick factory. The temperature in the brick kiln was around 50°C (122°F). The firebricks were burning hot to the touch when first removed from the kiln and there was no way to get near them without hurting oneself. The camp officers forced us to work and made us wear soaking wet tattered cotton garments as poor protection. The brick factory used coal to fire the bricks and the entire factory was filled with smoke. As a result, we were always dirty, stinking, and covered in soot from head to toe. They were particularly strict with believers in God. Every day, we were forced to work hard and dirty jobs for more than ten hours at a time. If our pace slowed down, the officers would yell, “Work faster, work faster!” At the end of the day, I was so tired and my back was so sore that all I could do was lie on the ground, not wanting to move. On top of that, we never got enough to eat, so I became increasingly weak, felt deprived of strength, and was often dizzy. At night, I would lie on my bed and think, “The great red dragon doesn’t treat us like humans, making us do this kind of hard labor. I’m over fifty years old, and if this keeps up, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it through these two and a half years of internment!” Thinking these thoughts, I’d become a bit despondent and so I’d quietly call out to God, saying, “Oh God! Life here is too hard. I’m worried that I won’t be able to withstand life here. Oh God! Please give me strength and faith so that I may live through my long time here in prison.” After prayer, it occurred to me that God’s words are my lifeblood, and I must rely on God’s words to persevere. I didn’t have any of God’s words on hand to read and I only remembered a few hymns, so I had to make sure I wouldn’t forget them. At night, I would put my blanket over my head and silently sing God’s hymns in my head, counting off the hymns I remembered on my fingers. Each time I sang the hymns, I would feel a great sense of encouragement. There is a hymn that goes: “Faith is like a single log bridge: Those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over, sure of foot and worry-free” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). I realized that God was using this ordeal to perfect our faith. I believed that, with God on my side, there was no difficulty I couldn’t overcome. I also sang this hymn: “God experiences man’s suffering, and stands by them in their chastisement. He thinks of man’s life all the time. Only God loves mankind the most. He silently endures the pain of rejection, and accompanies man through tribulation” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, How Great It Is That Almighty God Has Come). The hymn was very encouraging and moving. Despite my being in jail, God was with me and so I had the faith and strength to face those two and a half years in prison head-on. No matter how difficult or tiring life was, I had to rely on God to press on. Once I’d served out my sentence, I knew I should go home and read more of God’s words and practice my faith well.

In June of 2004, the weather became extremely hot. One day, I was feeling a bit dazed and dizzy, my arms and legs were sapped of strength, and as I was coming down from a more than three-foot-high stack of bricks, I suddenly lost balance and came crashing to the ground, landing flat on my back on a pile of crumbled bricks. The moment I landed, I felt a sharp pain shoot through my buttocks and left thigh. The pain was so intense that I broke out in a cold sweat, my heart began to race and I curled up in a ball, unable to stand up. When an officer noticed me lying there, he didn’t bother to see if there was anything wrong with me and just yelled, “Get up and keep working!” I was in so much pain that I couldn’t move and I continued to lie on the ground for another two minutes before I could catch my breath. I was scared that I’d get beaten, so I fought through the nearly unbearable pain and slowly got up from the ground to continue working. That night, I lay curled up in pain on my bed, and didn’t dare make the slightest movement in my left leg, where there would be searing pain as if I had a bone fracture. It hurt so much that I couldn’t sleep the whole night. At the time, no one showed any concern for me and I was overwhelmed by a feeling of desolation. I also worried, “This is a serious injury—if I really am paralyzed, how will I provide for my family in the future? …” The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, so I called out to God with tears in my eyes, “Oh God! I’m not sure if I can even stand up anymore. You are all that I rely on, please give me faith and strength.” After prayer, I recalled these words of God: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). Indeed, our fates are all in God’s hands. It was up to God to decide if I would become paralyzed or not, so there was no sense in worrying about it as it would only make me more upset. I was ready to put myself in God’s hands—no matter what happened and no matter if I really did become paralyzed, I would follow God to the very end! Later on, I applied for sick leave with the officers, but they rejected my application, so I had no choice but to endure the brutal pain, pressing my left hand against my left thigh and hobbling my way over to the factory. When one of the officers at the factory saw my condition, he viciously spouted, “You’re just faking an injury to get out of work! Believing in God is in opposition to the CCP and qualifies you as a political criminal. That’s a worse crime than stealing. You deserve to be tormented!” I was furious—they were tormenting and abusing me just because I believed in God. They were truly awful. I recalled the following passage of God’s words: “Religious freedom? The legitimate rights and interests of citizens? They are all tricks for covering up sin! … Why put up such an impenetrable obstacle to the work of God? Why employ various tricks to deceive God’s folk? Where is the true freedom and the legitimate rights and interests? Where is the fairness? Where is the comfort? Where is the warmth? Why use deceitful schemes to trick God’s people? Why use force to suppress the coming of God?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). “Now is the time: Man has long since gathered all his strength, he has devoted all his efforts and paid every price for this, to tear off the hideous face of this devil and allow people, who have been blinded, and who have endured every manner of suffering and hardship, to rise up from their pain and rebel against this evil old devil” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). Through God’s words, I came to recognize the demonic essence of the CCP’s animosity toward God. The CCP claims itself to be great, glorious, and infallible, it claims to support religious freedom and legitimate rights and interests, but those are all deceptive and devilish words. Having personally experienced the CCP’s arrest and oppression, I saw how they deceive and savage people. The CCP is dark and evil—they are demons in the truest sense of the word. God’s words exposed all of this so accurately and practically! The reason the CCP so frantically arrests and brutalizes believers in God is that they want to force them into denying and betraying God, but I would never give in to them. I hated myself for being so thoroughly deceived and so blindly worshiping the CCP as some great benefactor and being grateful to them just because they had given me a bit of land. All things are created by God and the land is God’s to give as well. How could I have mistakenly attributed God’s grace to the devil Satan? It was only then that I realized that the one that I had always worshiped and been grateful to was a demon that resisted God and was actively trying to pull me down into hell!

It wasn’t until nine days later that a prison doctor got around to examining me and diagnosed me with femoral head necrosis. When I heard the diagnosis, I immediately thought, “That serious? If I really am paralyzed, won’t I be completely useless? Then my life will be over!” The doctor just gave me a prescription for a few days of medicine, but it not only proved to be completely ineffective, I actually felt even more pain. By that time, I couldn’t walk any more—when I had to use the bathroom, I would have to bend at the waist, hold on to the wall, and inch my way along with tiny steps. A trip that originally would have taken only a couple of minutes now required over half an hour. I had to rely on other inmates to bring me food, and when they forgot I’d just have to go hungry or drink a little water to curb the pangs. I would just lie on my bed, the hours creeping by at a snail’s pace as I wallowed in suffering. I thought, “The medicine isn’t working and they won’t let me go to the hospital even though my condition is this serious. Maybe I’ll just end up dying in here….” The more I thought, the worse I felt and the tears poured from my eyes. I even considered just ending my life to be done with it. Then I suddenly remembered that everything is in God’s hands and I had to rely upon God! I continually called out to God and then recalled this hymn of God’s words “The Onset of Illness Is God’s Love”: “Do not lose heart in the face of illness, keep seeking again and again and do not give up, and God will illuminate and enlighten you. How was Job’s faith? Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). As I pondered over God’s words, my heart was filled with strength. Yes, God is almighty, and only if I had faith in Him would I be able to witness His deeds. But in the midst of my suffering, I longed to end my life—I had no true faith in God and became Satan’s laughingstock. I was truly poor in stature. For the next few days, I often prayed to God, hummed hymns, and felt encouraged and moved. Slowly, the awful pain wracking my body seemed to diminish. On the twelfth day, I was finally taken to a hospital for further examinations. Due to the serious nature of my condition, they processed me for temporary release on bail for medical treatment. The officer accompanying me submitted a false statement, claiming I had fallen from an old chair while watching TV in a classroom. When I tried to clarify that I had actually fallen while working in the brick factory, the officer scowled and said, “You won’t get your medical release if you insist on telling that story. You’ll just have to keep suffering in prison!” I worried that if I delayed treatment any longer, I’d end up paralyzed, so I had no choice but to sign the false statement. After returning home, I went for surgery, but because treatment was delayed for too long, I ended up becoming permanently crippled.

When I first got home from the hospital, I was bedridden and immobile and I relied on my wife to spoon-feed me food and medicine. About two weeks after returning home, the county deputy party secretary came to our house and handed me two papers, coldly stating, “Your party membership has been revoked, sign here.” I thought to myself, “Good, revoke my membership! I sure don’t want to sacrifice my life for the party anymore!” With that, I resolutely signed the revocation documents. I thought back to my more than thirty years working as a village cadre. I had sung the praises of the party, loyally given my all, and extorted the hard-earned wealth of the people through various forms of deception. I worked so hard that I didn’t even have time to attend to my own family’s farming enterprise and, as a result, my wife became overworked and fell ill. Before, I had thought that as a member of the party, I should be loyal to the party. If I hadn’t experienced being arrested, oppressed, expelled from the party, and divested of my cadre position, I would have continued giving everything I had for the party. Despite having gone through some suffering and becoming crippled in my left leg, I had seen through the CCP’s God-resisting demonic essence and was no longer misled or hoodwinked by them. I hated and abandoned the CCP with all my heart and devoted myself completely to God. This was all the result of God’s love and salvation! That night, when I told my wife all that I’d realized and learned and she saw how I’d changed, she laughed and said, “Before you wanted to follow God and remain loyal to the party. Now that you’re no longer a part of the CCP, we can devote all our energies to pursuing the truth and doing our duties.”

During that time, my wife was forced to shoulder the burden of all of our housework. She was already carrying a very serious stomach ailment, and now on top of that, she had the added responsibility of taking care of me and doing all the housework. Sometimes she would be so fatigued that when she came to serve me meals, I would see her hands shaking. It was very upsetting to see my wife like that and I often couldn’t help but cry. After four months, I still didn’t have any mobility in my leg and I began to wonder if I would be permanently paralyzed. “If I really were paralyzed, how would I go on living? Wouldn’t my life effectively be over?” I used to be the pillar of our household, but I became completely useless and even relied on my wife to help with going to the bathroom. I felt so sorry for my wife and had just become a burden to her—these thoughts led me to consider ending my life. When my wife would come to feed me, I wouldn’t want to swallow the food, thinking I would just go hungry and starve to death. At my lowest moment, I repeatedly called out to God with tears in my eyes and said, “Oh God! I’m suffering bitterly right now. Please open up a path for me, please save me….” After praying, I recalled God’s words which say: “During these last days you must bear testimony to God. No matter how great your suffering, you should walk until the very end, and even at your last breath, still you must be faithful to God and at the mercy of God; only this is truly loving God, and only this is the strong and resounding testimony” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Painful Trials Can You Know the Loveliness of God). God’s words gave me faith and strength and also left me feeling shamed and embarrassed. I wanted to end my life after experiencing just a little suffering—what kind of testimony was that? I thought of how when Job faced the enormous trial of losing all of his children and property and his body breaking out in boils, he still praised God’s name and provided a glorious testimony despite his great suffering. Yet, I had become negative after experiencing some suffering from illness. I didn’t seek God’s intention; instead, I desired to just end my life. If God hadn’t enlightened me just in the nick of time, I would have fallen for Satan’s plot. Realizing this, my desire to end my life subsided and I resolved to follow God until my very last breath and bear witness for Him! One month later, I was suddenly able to raise my left foot again. I was so happy and excited that tears came streaming from my eyes and I continually gave thanks to God. Later on, I gradually regained the ability to walk. I never imagined that I would be able to stand back up again. This was truly all thanks to God!

In 2008, under the banner of “maintaining societal stability in preparation for the Beijing Olympics,” the CCP began suppressing the church and arresting any brothers and sisters with prior convictions. The day before the Olympics, two officers from the labor camp came to my home and told me I hadn’t filled out the release forms for the labor camp and had to go with them to process the required documents. They told me the whole process wouldn’t take more than three days, so I believed them and agreed to go with them. To my surprise, what was supposed to be three days turned out to be a four-month detainment. During my detainment, the officers forced me to do 12 hours of manual labor every day, in a dimly lit factory. If I didn’t finish my assignments on time, I would be punished. Due to the injury I still carried in my left leg, I could only sit for about 20 minutes at a time before I’d have to stand up, otherwise, the circulation in my leg would get blocked up. I had to constantly switch postures to reduce the pain. Also, because I had to work long hours in that dimly lit environment, my eyesight began to deteriorate severely. After four months, and only after my daughter worked all her connections, I was finally released and allowed to return home. When I got back home, an officer came to our house and threateningly remarked, “We’re keeping a close eye on you. If we find that you’ve been practicing faith again, you’ll be arrested and slapped with a heavy sentence!” I thought to myself, “You damnable demons. You can control my body, but you can’t control my heart. Even if I’m arrested again, I’ll continue to believe in God!”

I thought back to how despite working myself to the bone for the party for over half of my life, they still inflicted permanent injury on me and left me wanting to end my life on multiple occasions. It was the words of God that gave me faith and strength, brought me back from the brink of death one step at a time, allowed me to gain discernment of the great red dragon’s evil essence, and showed me how God is the source of man’s life, only God can serve as man’s life and only believing in God and following Him is most meaningful. The hymn “The Most Meaningful Life” puts it well: “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (2)).