By Zheng Xin, China

In 1997, I came to believe in the Lord Jesus because I couldn’t cure my chronic enteritis, and after finding the Lord, my illness improved a lot. Two years later, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days, and have been doing my duties in the church ever since. Without even noticing it, my chronic enteritis completely healed. I became even more enthusiastic about doing my duties, and never shirked or refused any duties arranged by the church. Whether I was being obstructed or persecuted by my husband or the Communist Party was trying to arrest and persecute me, I never backed down and I never delayed my duties.

One day in May 2020, I felt a discomfort in my neck, like I was being strangled, so I went to the hospital for a check-up. I was diagnosed with a thyroid nodule. After the test, the doctor said, “It’s not serious. Take some medication and come in for a check-up every six months. So long as there are no abnormalities, there’s no need for treatment.” Hearing the doctor say this, I thought, “It’s not a major illness. So long as I try hard at my duties, God will protect me.” So, I took my medication and continued doing my duties, and my illness seemed to lessen a bit. In 2023, my condition worsened. I felt pressure on my neck when I slept, and my breathing was labored. Speaking became difficult, and I couldn’t talk without effort. After an examination, the doctor said my condition was progressing toward cancer and I needed surgery. I thought, “I’m currently doing leadership duties, and I’m busy from morning to night every day. God will protect me for my efforts and expenditures and it won’t develop into cancer.” So, I wasn’t very afraid, and I underwent surgery. The surgery went well, and on the second day after surgery, I could get out of bed with the help of my family. I felt this was God’s care and protection and thanked God from the bottom of my heart.

Half a month later, I went to the hospital to pick up my medical records. I saw the records indicated a malignant tumor, a cancer, and I started to feel distressed, thinking, “So, I really do have cancer! Although I had surgery, it might come back or metastasize someday. Does that mean I’m about to die? Why didn’t God protect me? I’ve suffered a lot in doing my duties for over twenty years. I’ve persisted in my duties despite many dangerous and difficult situations, so how could I get cancer? If I had known I would get cancer, I wouldn’t have forsaken my family and job to do my duties. I thought I would be able to gain God’s salvation and a good destination in the future, but now that I have a terminal illness and might die, that good destination is out of reach!” The more I thought about it, the more despair and distress I felt. I felt so pathetic, and I couldn’t help but cry. Over the next few days, one word kept echoing through my mind—cancer. I felt so despondent. I couldn’t eat or sleep, all my bones ached, and my arms were numb. I came before God to pray, telling Him about my state, hoping He’d help me understand His intention. Then I read God’s words on how to deal with illness. I read a passage of God’s words and understood His intention a little more. Almighty God says: “When God arranges for someone to get an illness, whether major or minor, His purpose in doing so is not to make you appreciate the ins and outs of being sick, the harm the illness does to you, the hardships and difficulties the illness causes you, and all the myriad feelings the illness causes you to feel—His purpose is not for you to appreciate sickness through being sick. Rather, His purpose is for you to learn the lessons from sickness, to learn how to feel for God’s intentions, to know the corrupt dispositions you reveal and the wrong attitudes you adopt toward God when you’re sick, and to learn how to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, so that you can achieve true submission to God and be able to stand firm in your testimony—this is absolutely key. God wishes to save you and cleanse you through sickness. What about you does He wish to cleanse? He wishes to cleanse all your extravagant desires and demands toward God, and even cleanse the various plans, judgments, and schemes you make at all costs to survive and live. God does not ask you to make plans, He does not ask you to judge, and He does not allow you to have any extravagant desires toward Him; He requires only that you submit to Him and, in your practice and experience of submitting, to know your own attitude toward sickness, and to know your attitude toward these bodily conditions He gives to you, as well as your own personal wishes. When you come to know these things, you can then appreciate how beneficial it is for you that God has arranged the circumstances of the illness for you or that He has given you these bodily conditions; and you can appreciate just how helpful they are to changing your disposition, to you attaining salvation, and to your life entry. That is why, when illness comes calling, you must not always be wondering how you can escape it or flee from it or reject it” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading God’s words, my heart felt brighter. It turned out that this illness was not God revealing and eliminating me, but rather that He was cleansing my corrupt disposition and saving me. But I did not seek God’s intention, and thought that getting this illness meant God was revealing and eliminating me. I lived in despair, arguing with and complaining to God, and even regretting my previous efforts and expenditures. I saw that I had been truly unconscionable! Now I understood that whether my illness would return or metastasize, and to what extent it would develop, all contained God’s intention. I could no longer misunderstand God. I had to seek the truth to resolve my issues.

I recalled a passage of God’s words about how to face death correctly, so I found it and read it. Almighty God says: “The matter of death has the same nature as other matters. It is not up to people to choose for themselves, much less can it be changed by the will of man. Death is the same as any other important event in life: It is entirely under the predestination and sovereignty of the Creator. If someone were to beg for death, they may not necessarily die; if they were to beg to live, they may not necessarily live. All this is under the sovereignty and predestination of God, and it is changed and decided by the authority of God, by God’s righteous disposition, and by God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Therefore, say you contract a serious illness, a potentially fatal serious illness, you will not necessarily die—who decides whether you will die or not? (God.) God decides. And since God decides and people cannot decide such a thing, what are people feeling anxious and distressed about? … What people ought to do when facing the tremendously important matter of death is not get distressed, or fret over it, or fear it, but what? People should wait, yes? (Yes.) Right? Does waiting mean waiting for death? Waiting to die when facing death? Is that right? (No, people should face it positively and submit.) That’s right, it doesn’t mean waiting for death. Do not be petrified of death, and do not use all your energy thinking about death. Do not think all day long, ‘Will I die? When will I die? What will I do after I die?’ Just don’t think about it. Some people say, ‘Why not think about it? Why not think about it when I’m about to die?’ Because it is not known whether you will die or not, and it is not known whether God will allow you to die—these things are unknown. Specifically, it is unknown when you will die, where you will die, what time you will die, or how your body will feel when you die. By racking your brains thinking about and pondering things you don’t know and feeling anxious and worried about them, doesn’t that make you foolish? Since it makes you foolish, you shouldn’t rack your brains over these things” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). After reading God’s words, my heart felt even brighter. Each of us will experience death, and what illness we get and when we die are all predestined by God. A person’s life and death are not influenced by external factors, but rather depend only on God’s sovereignty and predestination. God has predestined the length of each person’s life, and this has nothing to do with their physical condition or whether they have a serious illness. I thought of my mother, who was always healthy but ended up with hemiplegia and passed away within a few years. But a neighbor of mine, who I heard had been in poor health since she was forty, was often sick, unable to work in the fields, and only able to cook and do housework, is now in her nineties. This shows that a person’s health and lifespan are already predestined by God, and even with a serious illness, if it’s not a person’s time according to God’s predestination, they won’t die. Thinking about this, I was able to calmly face my own illness.

I then read more of God’s words: “Tell Me, who among the billions of people all across the world is so blessed to hear so many of God’s words, to understand so many of the truths of life, and understand so many mysteries? Who among them can personally receive God’s guidance, God’s provision, His care and protection? Who is so blessed? Very few. Therefore, you few being able to live in God’s house today, receive His salvation, and receive His provision, makes it all worth it even if you were to die right now. You are so very blessed, isn’t that right? (Yes.) Looking at it from this perspective, people should not be scared stiff by the matter of death, nor should they be constrained by it. Even though you haven’t enjoyed any of the glory and wealth of the world, yet you have received the pity of the Creator and heard so many of God’s words—isn’t this blissful? (It is.) No matter how many years you live in this life, it’s all worth it and you have no regrets, because you have been constantly performing your duty in God’s work, you have understood the truth, understood the mysteries of life, and understood the path and goals you should pursue in life—you have gained so much! You have lived a worthwhile life!” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). That someone as insignificant as me could accept God’s work in the last days is God’s exaltation. Believing in God for over twenty years, I had enjoyed so much watering and provision from God’s words and God’s care and protection, but when I fell ill, I still misunderstood and complained, argued with God, and resisted Him. I was completely lacking in testimony and I had become a mark of shame. I was in great pain, thinking that even after believing in God for so many years, I still had not entered into much of the truth reality, and that if I died, I would leave only regrets behind. Since I was still alive, I felt that I must earnestly pursue the truth, and no matter how long I lived, I must cherish every day I had, and fulfill the duty of a created being, leaving no regrets.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and was deeply moved. Almighty God says: “Many who follow God are only concerned with how to gain blessings or stave off disaster. … Such people only have one simple aim in following God, and that aim is to receive blessings. Such people cannot be bothered to pay heed to anything else that does not directly involve this aim. To them, there is no goal more legitimate than believing in God to receive blessings—it is the very value of their faith. If something does not contribute to this aim, they remain completely unmoved by it. This is the case with most people who believe in God today. Their aim and intention seem legitimate, because as they believe in God, they also expend for God, dedicate themselves to God, and perform their duty. They give up their youth, forsake family and career, and even spend years away from home busying themselves. For the sake of their ultimate goal, they change their own interests, their outlook on life, and even the direction they seek; yet they cannot change the aim of their belief in God. … For the moment, let us not discuss how much these people have given. Their behavior, however, is highly worthy of our dissection. Apart from the benefits that are so closely associated with them, could there be any other reasons why people who never understand God would give so much for Him? In this, we discover a previously unidentified problem: Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is akin to the relationship between employee and employer. The employee works only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such a relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). God’s words exposed exactly my state. After believing in God and seeing that He healed my illness, I forsook my family and career to do my duty, and even when my family persecuted me and there was a danger of being arrested, I was not affected. But when I learned that I had cancer, and my hopes for blessings were shattered, I argued with God, complained that He had not protected me, and regretted my previous expenditures and efforts, and I didn’t want to pray to God or read His words anymore. Only then did I see that my relationship with God was purely transactional. I wanted to exchange my sacrifices and efforts for a good destination. I was trying to deceive and use God. I was so selfish and despicable! A person with humanity would not misunderstand or complain about God when faced with trials but would seek God’s intention, and even in pain, they would still stand in their proper position as a created being and let God orchestrate them as He wishes. But looking at myself, I took all the grace and blessings God gave me for granted, and when one thing didn’t satisfy my demands, I held God accountable. I truly lacked humanity and didn’t deserve to live. Even if God destroyed me, it would be His righteousness! But God still gave me a chance to repent, using His words to enlighten and guide me to reflect on myself. I could no longer misunderstand or complain about God. I had to pursue the truth and do my duties well.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and found some paths of practice. Almighty God says: “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. Receiving blessings refers to when someone is made perfect and enjoys God’s blessings after experiencing judgment. Suffering misfortune refers to when someone’s disposition does not change after they have experienced chastisement and judgment; they do not experience being made perfect but are punished. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to act for fear of suffering misfortune. Let Me tell you this one thing: Man’s performance of his duty is what he ought to do, and if he is incapable of performing his duty, then this is his rebelliousness. It is through the process of doing his duty that man is gradually changed, and it is through this process that he demonstrates his loyalty. As such, the more you are able to do your duty, the more truth you shall receive, and the more real your expression shall become. Those who merely go through the motions in doing their duty and do not seek the truth shall be eliminated in the end, for such people do not do their duty in the practice of truth, and do not practice truth in the performance of their duty. They are those who remain unchanged and will suffer misfortune. Not only are their expressions impure, but everything they express is evil” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). From God’s words, I understood that performing one’s duty has nothing to do with receiving blessings or suffering disasters, and that it is perfectly natural and justified for created beings to do their duties, and regardless of whether they have a good outcome or destination, or whether they can be blessed, they must do their duties. Additionally, blessings are what people enjoy as a result of pursuing the truth and achieving a change in disposition while doing their duty and when they are eventually saved by God. If a person’s corrupt disposition does not change, they will be punished in the end. In light of God’s words, I saw just how absurd my views were. I always thought that so long as I suffered more, sacrificed and expended myself for God, I would be saved, and receive the good destination God grants to people. This was just wishful thinking on my part. If I only did my duty without examining the impurities in it, didn’t focus on pursuing the truth, and my corrupt disposition never changed, and when I didn’t receive blessings, I even held God accountable, in the end I’d be punished for resisting God. Seeing this, I realized how great danger I was in. If I continued on this path, I would be eliminated without even knowing why! I sincerely thanked God for allowing this illness to help me see the wrong path I was on in my faith and turn around in time. I also understood that believing in God should not be about pursuing blessings, but about pursuing the truth and dispositional change, and submitting to all of God’s arrangements. Realizing these things, my heart felt instantly relieved and liberated, and no longer constrained by illness or death. If my illness returned or metastasized, I was willing to submit to God’s orchestrations. Regardless of whether my illness could be cured or whether I could receive blessings in the future, I would try my best to do my duties well. After that, I started working with brothers and sisters to resolve difficulties and problems in spreading the gospel, and we achieved some results. More than ten days later, I went for another health check-up, and unexpectedly, all the indicators were normal.

I gained a lot from this illness. I saw my true stature, and I saw that I had forsaken my family and career all these years for the sake of blessings, and all for the sake of gains. My heart was truly intransigent! God had given me so much grace and blessings, and had worked constantly to save me, but because of this one thing not satisfying my demands, I argued with God and held Him accountable. God had paid so much for me and yet couldn’t get my true heart in return! Thinking of this, I felt deeply indebted to God. But at the same time, I was very grateful to God, because if not for this illness, I would never have recognized and reflected on myself, I’d have continued trying to deceive, extort and make transactions with Him. Without God revealing this, I would still think I could be saved. But now I see that my stature is pathetically small and far from being saved! I need to start over, but this time, with reason. No matter how God tries me in the future, I must submit to His orchestrations, pursue the truth, and seek a change in my disposition.