By Ding Zhen, China

In November of 2021, I was chosen as a church leader. Because I was active in my duties and my work got some results, the brothers and sisters looked up to me quite a bit. The upper leaders also thought highly of me and would often inquire about my state. Other churches had potential gospel recipients to preach to, and the gospel supervisor put me forward to spread the gospel. The sister I was cooperating with also praised me for having such caliber at such a young age. I was so happy and thought, “Even though I’ve not been a leader for long, the brothers, sisters, and upper leaders all look up to me, and those in other churches also know that I’m capable of work. It seems like I’m pretty good at what I do, and everyone must think of me as a rare talent.” These thoughts made me feel really happy, and I always felt full of energy.

In May of 2022, Liu Yun was transferred to our church to work as a leader. Once Liu Yun arrived at our church, she started familiarizing herself with the staff and also following up on the progress of various tasks. She discovered that one of the homes where books were being kept was unsafe and that there were some problems that had to do with the violation of principles. She also found someone who aired some nonbelieving remarks during gatherings, was disturbing church life, and who had not made amends despite repeated fellowships. Liu Yun reminded us that we had to learn discernment and isolate this person according to principles. Liu Yun went on to actively support newcomers who were negative, weak, and gathering irregularly, and gradually, the newcomers’ states began improving. She also managed to convert a few people. Seeing these things, I felt that Liu Yun really was a capable worker who was able to find and resolve problems, but I also felt a sense of bitterness within me, “We’re both church leaders, but there were some problems she resolved that I didn’t even notice. Everyone must be comparing us and thinking Liu Yun is better than me. Won’t my status in the eyes of others be slipping a bit?” Later on, at a co-worker meeting, Liu Yun mentioned how she had been supporting the newcomers recently. The upper leaders nodded in approval as they listened and the cooperating brothers and sisters also listened with rapt attention. I saw that everyone was paying more and more attention to her, and I felt uncomfortable and a little neglected, thinking, “I used to talk about my experiential knowledge a lot in gatherings and the leaders used to value me quite a bit too. Now, everyone’s attention is focused on Liu Yun. If things go on like this, who’s going to pay attention to or look up to me? No, I have to make everyone see that she’s lacking. This will take some of the wind out of her sails and dampen her spirits, while also stopping everyone from looking up to her. It’ll turn everyone’s attention back to me and I’ll be able to restore my halo.”

After this, while cooperating with Liu Yun, I’d consciously fix on her flaws and shortcomings. I found that she showed off sometimes and I wanted to talk about this problem of hers. But the truth was that others had already pointed out this shortcoming and she had made amends somewhat. But in order to grab this opportunity to put a dampener on Liu Yun, I made an inner tally of the things she bragged about and made a mental note of them, so that when I gave her some “guidance and help,” I must have an irrefutable basis and make her see that her corrupt disposition in this area was still very serious, and that she’d still barely changed. That way, she’d keep her head down a little more and I’d be able to stand out. Later on, I found some of God’s harsh words of exposure and judgment to apply to her. Seeing these harsh words of God, I thought to myself, “Liu Yun is only revealing a little corruption and is trying to change. If I apply these words of God to her, will she be able to cope?” But then I thought, “She’s believed in God for years; she should be fine. Besides, she really does have this problem, and if she becomes negative and weak, and her work starts to slip because she can’t accept it, this’ll just allow me to stand out.” Then, I simply found some of God’s words regarding practice for her to enter, thinking this way nobody would suspect my ulterior motives. The next day, during a co-worker meeting, I listened to her bring up her state, saying that she’d been busy with external matters lately and not been focused on life entry, and that although she didn’t want to walk the path of Paul, she couldn’t help herself—before she had finished speaking, I couldn’t hold back. I thought, “Since she wants to focus on life entry, I can take this moment as a chance to point out her problems and make her see her shortcomings. More importantly, the upper leaders, brothers, and sisters are all here, so if I speak out, everyone will know about her shortcomings and stop admiring her so much. And when everyone sees how I’m able to give her guidance and help, they’ll see me as someone carrying a burden. I’d be getting two birds with one stone!” With this in mind, I raised my voice a little higher than usual, and said to Liu Yun in a slightly over-eager tone, “You keep saying that you want to focus on life entry, but you don’t have a specific path of practice. You could really start by reflecting on small things. I’ve written down some of your issues that I’ve seen. You can reflect on these a little.” As I spoke, I began unfolding the letter I’d written listing the ways she’d shown off. I then spoke to her in a serious tone about the attitude God has toward those who like to show off and I dissected the path these people were on and the consequences of walking it. I then proposed a few paths of practice. After I did all these things, Liu Yun looked somewhat uncomfortable and ashamed, and said, “I accept what you’ve said, and I need to take some time to reflect.” I felt a little guilty when she said this, and was afraid everyone would see that I had ulterior motives. But then I thought, “What I said was true, and besides, I also found a few paths of practice, so there should be no big deal.” The upper leaders, brothers, and sisters didn’t refute me, so it seemed they were in agreement with me. This thought made me feel a little more relieved.

One evening a couple of days later, while Liu Yun and I were discussing work together, I felt a faint unease about the “help” I had given her, and asked about her state. She said it wasn’t too good. She felt that being a believer for so many years, but barely being able to change this aspect of her corrupt disposition determined that she was incapable of change, and she felt really negative. I felt uneasy hearing this, thinking, “Could it be that my pointing out her problem hurt her to the point of making her feel negative?” I then made use of God’s words to carefully fellowship on the path to resolve this aspect of her corrupt disposition, and then told her that she needed to face this correctly and mend her state. I saw her gain a little understanding, which made me feel slightly more at peace. Later on, I reflected on myself in light of this matter and prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to recognize my own corrupt disposition. I read these passages in God’s words: “Some people always fear that others are better than they are or above them, that other people will be recognized while they get overlooked, and this leads them to attack and exclude others. Is this not a case of being envious of people with talent? Is that not selfish and despicable? What kind of disposition is this? It is maliciousness! Those who only think about their own interests, who only satisfy their own selfish desires, without thinking about others or considering the interests of God’s house, have a bad disposition, and God has no love for them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). “The third technique antichrists use to control people: They exclude and attack those who pursue the truth. Some people love positive things, justice and light, and fellowshipping about the truth. They often seek out brothers and sisters who pursue and seek the truth to fellowship with. An antichrist’s temper flares to see this. To them, everyone who pursues the truth is a needle in their eye, a thorn in their side; they’d have all who pursue the truth on the receiving end of their attacks, exclusion, and assaults. Of course, an antichrist won’t only attack these people with brutal, savage tactics that are obvious enough for people to see through. They’ll adopt the manner of fellowshipping the truth, and with a few words and doctrines, they’ll pass judgment on people and strike at them. This makes people think that what they’re doing is proper and reasonable, that they’re being helpful—that there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. What are these ‘proper and reasonable’ methods of theirs? (They quote God’s words to pass judgment on people and strike at them.) Correct—they quote God’s words to expose people and pass judgment on them. That’s their most common method. On the surface, this way of speaking seems fair, reasonable, and quite proper, but inside, their intent isn’t to help others to their benefit, but to expose them, pass judgment on them, condemn them, and degrade them. That is absolutely what they’re out to accomplish. So, the problem’s in where they start out from” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Three: They Exclude and Attack Those Who Pursue the Truth). “Antichrists’ public suppression of people, exclusion of people, attacks against people, and exposure of people’s problems are all targeted. Without a doubt, they use means such as these to target those who pursue the truth and can discern them. By breaking these people down, they achieve the goal of strengthening their own position. Attacking and excluding people like this is malicious in nature. There is aggression in their language and manner of speech: exposure, condemnation, slander, and evil calumny. They even twist facts, speaking of positive things as though they were negative and negative as though they were positive. Reversing black and white and mixing up right and wrong like this accomplishes antichrists’ goal of defeating people and ruining their name. What mindset is giving rise to this attack and exclusion of dissenters? Most of the time, it comes from a jealous mindset. In a vicious disposition, jealousy carries strong hatred with it; and as a result of their jealousy, antichrists attack and exclude people. In a situation such as this, if antichrists are exposed, reported, lose their status, and suffer an attack in their mind, they will not submit nor be happy about it, and it will be even easier for them to create a strong mindset of revenge. Revenge is a type of mindset, and it is also a type of corrupt disposition. When antichrists see that what someone did was damaging to them, that others are more capable than them, or that someone’s statements and suggestions are better or wiser than theirs, and everyone agrees with that person’s statements and suggestions, the antichrists feel their position is threatened, jealousy and hatred arise in their hearts, and they attack and take revenge. When taking revenge, antichrists generally deliver a preemptive blow to their target. They are proactive in attacking and breaking people down, until the other party submits. Only then do they feel they have let off steam. What other manifestations are there of attacking and excluding people? (Belittling others.) Belittling others is one of the ways it is manifested; no matter how good a job you do, antichrists will still belittle you or condemn you, until you are negative and weak and cannot stand. Then they will be happy, and they will have accomplished their goal” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Two: They Attack and Exclude Dissenters). Having read God’s words, I realized that I had been afraid of the others only caring about Liu Yun and not looking up to me, which is why I attacked and excluded her, and that this was a malicious disposition. Liu Yun came to support our church and not only did some real work, but also helped me with my own duties. But I didn’t think of how to cooperate harmoniously with her in fulfilling duties or protecting church work, I only thought of her as a threat to my status and feared that if things went on as they had, nobody would look up to me, so I deliberately sought out her shortcomings and then exploited them, using “guidance and help” as a way to attack her. Though it looked like I was helping her understand herself, in reality, I was just jealous of her being better than me in every way. I wanted her to delimit herself and feel despondent after reading God’s words of exposure and judgment, so that she wouldn’t stand out as much. I saw that my “helping” Liu Yun was really just a pretense to attack her. I’d been jealous of her and I had wanted to strike her down, make her feel negative, and keep her beneath me. My actions were the same as those of an antichrist who attacks and excludes those who pursue the truth, using seemingly legitimate and reasonable methods to suppress people thereby consolidating their status in the eyes of the brothers and sisters. What this revealed was a vicious disposition! The connotations of God’s words made me feel that God holds disgust and hatred toward antichrists’ dispositions and I was flooded with a sense of distress and fear. I thought that God was certain to loathe me. So I prayed to God, “Oh Almighty God, I wish to repent. I don’t want to attack or exclude my brothers or sisters again. Please have mercy on me and allow me to gain some true recognition of myself from this.”

Later on, I read more of God’s words which gave me some understanding of my problem. Almighty God says: “What kind of disposition is it when a person sees someone who is better than them and they try to bring them down, spreading rumors about them, or employing despicable means to denigrate them and undermine their reputation—even trampling all over them—in order to protect their own place in people’s minds? This is not just arrogance and conceit, it is the disposition of Satan, it is a malicious disposition. That this person can attack and alienate people who are better and stronger than them is insidious and wicked. And that they will stop at nothing to bring people down shows that there is much of a devil in them! Living by the disposition of Satan, they are liable to belittle people, to try to stitch them up, to make things hard for them. Is this not evildoing? And living like this, they still think they’re okay, that they’re a good person—yet when they see someone better than them, they are liable to give them a hard time, to trample all over them. What is the issue here? Are people who are capable of committing such evil deeds not unscrupulous and willful? Such people only think of their own interests, they only consider their own feelings, and all they want is to achieve their own desires, ambitions, and aims. They don’t care how much damage they cause to the work of the church, and they would prefer to sacrifice the interests of the house of God to protect their status in people’s minds and their own reputation. Are people like this not arrogant and self-righteous, selfish and vile? Such people are not only arrogant and self-righteous, they are also extremely selfish and vile. They are not considerate of God’s intentions at all. Do such people have God-fearing hearts? They do not have God-fearing hearts at all. This is why they act wantonly and do whatever they want, without any sense of blame, without any trepidation, without any apprehension or worry, and without considering the consequences. This is what they often do, and how they have always behaved. What is the nature of such behavior? To put it lightly, such people are far too jealous and have too strong a desire for personal reputation and status; they are too deceitful and insidious. To put it more harshly, the essence of the problem is that such people have no God-fearing heart at all. They are not frightened of God, they believe themselves to be of utmost importance, and they regard every aspect of themselves as being higher than God and higher than the truth. In their hearts, God is not worthy of mention and is insignificant, and God does not have any status in their hearts at all. Can those who have no place for God in their hearts, and who do not have God-fearing hearts, put the truth into practice? Absolutely not. So, when they typically go around merrily keeping themselves busy and exerting quite a lot of energy, what are they doing? Such people even claim to have abandoned everything to expend for God and suffered a great deal, but actually, the motive, principle, and objective of all their actions are for the sake of their own status and prestige, of protecting all of their interests. Would you or would you not say that this sort of person is terrible? What kind of people have believed in God for many years, yet have no God-fearing hearts? Are they not arrogant? Are they not Satans? And what things most lack a God-fearing heart? Apart from the beasts, it is the evil and the antichrists, the devils and Satan’s ilk. They don’t accept the truth at all; they are entirely without a God-fearing heart. They are capable of any evil; they are the enemies of God, and the enemies of His chosen people” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). Reading God’s words and aligning them with my own behavior, I understood that my excluding and suppressing of others was rooted in my complete lack of a God-fearing heart. My ideas, thoughts, and actions were all for the sake of my own reputation and status. Before Liu Yun arrived, I stood out in every way, but when I saw how she outdid me in all respects, I became jealous and incapable of accepting her superiority, and didn’t want to let her surpass me. This is why I exploited the corruption she revealed and used “helping” her as a seemingly legitimate way to humiliate her, make everyone see her flaws, and regain people’s admiration. In the course of this, I used God’s words as a weapon to attack her, wanting to make her feel negative and disinclined to do her duty, allowing me to stand out and preventing others from seeing my despicable intention. I was so insidious and wicked! I had lived by satanic poisons, thinking the church wasn’t big enough for us both. I couldn’t tolerate anyone surpassing or outdoing me in the church. I wanted to continue enjoying the admiration of others and hold a place in their hearts just because I was achieving some results in my work. Liu Yun was a capable worker, was effective in her duties, and was able to drive forward various church tasks, but I didn’t think of how to collaborate harmoniously with her in doing duties or protecting church work. I only thought about being the one who shone the brightest, to the point of attacking Liu Yun to make her feel negative and to magnify myself. I gave no consideration at all as to whether this would impact church work, and I saw that I had had no God-fearing heart whatsoever. God requires brothers and sisters to cooperate in service and fulfill their duties with their hearts and minds as one. However, when I saw somebody in the church capable of doing real work and resolving problems, I only thought about how she might deprive me of the admiration of others, so I excluded and suppressed her. I treated the church as a place to showcase my abilities, and what I did was causing disruptions and disturbances, which is something God truly detests! I said a silent prayer to God, “Oh God, Your words of judgment, exposure, guidance, and provision have allowed me to gradually gain some understanding of myself, and I see that chasing reputation and status can only place me in resistance to You. I no longer wish to stand against You. I am willing to practice according to Your words. Please guide me!”

After this, I read more of God’s words: “As one member of created humanity, a person must keep their own position, and conduct themselves conscientiously. Dutifully guard that which is entrusted to you by the Creator. Do not act out of line, or do things beyond your range of ability or which are loathsome to God. Do not try to be a great person, a superman, or a grand individual, and do not seek to become God. This is how people should not desire to be. Seeking to become great or a superman is absurd. Seeking to become God is even more disgraceful; it is disgusting, and despicable. What is commendable, and what created beings should hold to more than anything else, is to become a true created being; this is the only goal that all people should pursue” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). “For all who perform a duty, no matter how profound or shallow their understanding of the truth is, the simplest way to practice entering into the truth reality is to think of the interests of God’s house in everything, and to let go of one’s selfish desires, personal intents, motives, pride, and status. Put the interests of God’s house first—this is the least one should do. If a person who performs a duty cannot even do this much, then how can they be said to be performing their duty? That is not performing one’s duty. You should first think of the interests of God’s house, be considerate of God’s intentions, and consider the work of the church. Put these things first and foremost; only after that can you think about the stability of your status or how others regard you. Do you not feel that this becomes a little easier when you divide it into two steps and make some compromises? If you practice like this for a while, you will come to feel that satisfying God is not such a difficult thing. Furthermore, you should be able to fulfill your responsibilities, perform your obligations and duty, and set aside your selfish desires, intents, and motives; you should show consideration for God’s intentions, and put the interests of God’s house, the work of the church, and the duty that you are supposed to perform first. After experiencing this for a while, you will feel that this is a good way to comport yourself. It is living straightforwardly and honestly, and not being a base, vile person; it is living justly and honorably rather than being despicable, base, and a good-for-nothing. You will feel that this is how a person should act and the image that they should live out. Gradually, your desire to satisfy your own interests will lessen” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). Reading God’s words made me understand that God requires us to conduct ourselves conscientiously, do our duties properly, and do all things before Him and accept His scrutiny. When we see others surpassing us, we should have a God-fearing heart, pray to Him more, put aside our pursuit of admiration, reputation, and status, and start by considering the interests of God’s house, how to do our duties well, how to act in a way that pleases God, and then we should cooperate harmoniously with others to fulfill our duties and satisfy God, and do things that benefit the lives of our brothers and sisters. By conducting ourselves and doing things in this way, we can live openly and attain God’s approval. Once I understood these things, I took the initiative to open up to Liu Yun and the others about the corruption I had been revealing. I was quite embarrassed as I did this, so I said a silent prayer, asking God to grant me courage. The brothers and sisters didn’t look down on me after my confession, and Liu Yun said that through my guiding and pruning her, she had come to understand her corrupt disposition a little more. Seeing that Liu Yun had been able to face things correctly and gain some entry, I thanked God from the bottom of my heart, and I also thanked God for giving me the chance to know myself, repent, and change.

A while later, Liu Yun was discussing work together with us, and she talked about some of her views on the work. I thought to myself, “You speak so well and so much, how am I supposed to stand out? The truth is that there are some areas of your follow-up work that are still lacking. I have to point out these shortcomings in your follow-up work so that our co-workers can see the deviations in your recent duties.” At this moment, I realized, that I wanted to seek others’ admiration again and to surpass Liu Yun. I thought of what God said, that those who pursue reputation and status have no God-fearing heart whatsoever, and that only evil people and antichrists do such things. I began to hate myself a little and didn’t want to carry on like this. I then recalled a hymn of God’s words: “Only by Accepting God’s Scrutiny Can You Live Before Him.” It says: “All that you do, every action, every intention, and every reaction should be brought before God. Even your daily spiritual life—your prayers, your closeness to God, how you eat and drink of God’s words, your fellowship with your brothers and sisters, and your life within the church—and your service in partnership can be brought before God for His scrutiny. It is such practice that will help you achieve growth in life” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Perfects Those Who Accord With His Intentions). I said a silent prayer to God, “Oh Almighty God, I want to correct my desire to seek reputation and status and stop vying with Liu Yun. Please watch over and protect my heart. I am willing to accept Your scrutiny.” After praying like this, I felt much more at peace. We then discussed how to move forward with our duties. We fellowshipped in mutual cooperation and gained some goals and direction. After practicing in this way, my heart felt more at peace and clearer, and I realized that practicing according to God’s words makes interacting with others effortless and harmonious. Thanks be to Almighty God!