By Tao Liang, China

I’ve had hepatitis B since I was young. To get treatment, I sought all sorts of doctors and medications and spent a lot of money, but it still wasn’t cured. Ultimately, one doctor said to me helplessly, “This illness is a dilemma for doctors everywhere; there’s nothing we can do.” I was in total despair. To my surprise, more than a year after I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days, I miraculously got healed. At the time, the doctor looked at my test results and told me that all my levels had returned to normal on their own, and that I wouldn’t need to take any meds in the future. Needless to say, I was very happy when I heard this, and I knew in my heart that God had gotten rid of my illness. I was full of gratitude toward and praise for God, and I thought to myself, “God has really graced and blessed me. I’ve got to expend myself for Him diligently and repay His love by doing my duty.” I also thought, “I’ve just started believing in God and have yet to do anything for Him, but He’s already graced and favored me so much. If I expend myself for Him more in the future, then won’t the grace and blessings He bestows upon me be even greater? Maybe I’ll even be able to attain salvation and go on living when God’s work is over!” With that, I gave up my high-paying job and did my duty at the church full-time. After that, I was selected to be a church leader, and I was even more motivated to forsake and expend myself. I busied myself at the church every day, working from dawn to dusk. I spread the gospel and watered newcomers, not even having time to look after my child. Even when my husband was hospitalized and my father had to get surgery away from home twice, I didn’t make the time to go care for them. My family members didn’t understand me and complained to me, but my resolve to do my duty did not waver. I thought that if I endured this suffering and paid this price, God would take note and would not treat me unfairly.

At the beginning of 2015, I often felt like my whole body lacked energy. Even if I was walking up to the fifth floor without carrying anything, I’d have to rest before going up. When I went home after gatherings, I just wanted to lie down and didn’t feel like doing a thing. I went to the hospital to get tests, and the doctor said that my liver was functioning abnormally. If I didn’t get treatment right away, it could turn into cirrhosis of the liver and ascites, and if it continued to get worse, it could become cancerous. Hearing the doctor’s words, I froze. I thought to myself, “How could this be? When I took tests before, didn’t the doctor say that my illness was cured? Why has it gotten worse again?” I suddenly recalled that I’d heard about someone who got liver cancer and died. I was very scared, worrying that since my illness was so serious, maybe I would die as well. I thought, “If I die now, can I still attain salvation?” At the time, my heart was in great pain. However, I also thought that since now I was a church leader, busying myself at the church all day from dawn to dusk, God ought to care for me and protect me to keep me from dying. During those couple days, I happened to see an old sister I knew who said that she’d been diagnosed with leukemia several years ago and that her cancer markers were quite high. In her weakest moments, she would often sing hymns of God’s words, gaining some understanding of God’s sovereignty from His words, and gaining faith. She also reflected on her motives and impurities in her duty, and once she had gained some self-knowledge, her illness gradually began to improve. Hearing about this sister’s experience, I realized that this illness of mine could be a trial from God and that He could be testing me. I absolutely mustn’t blame Him; I had to stand firm in my testimony for God. Maybe God would see that I was still able to persist in my duty even when my illness was so severe, and then He would cure me. So, I chose not to stay at the hospital and only bought some medication, and then I continued doing my duty in the church.

In September of 2017, I went to the hospital for another check-up, and the doctor told me, “You’re now experiencing early-stage cirrhosis, and there are tubercles and cysts in your liver. It’s best if we do further testing.” Hearing the doctor’s words, my mind began to buzz, and I thought, “My family has a history of liver disease. My grandfather died from liver cancer long ago, and my father also passed away recently because the tubercles in his liver became cancerous. Now, there are tubercles in my liver as well; am I going to be dead soon too?” At the time, I was extremely scared, thinking, “I’m only in my thirties; am I really about to die? God’s work isn’t even finished and I’m already on the verge of death. Doesn’t that mean I’ll be eliminated by God and won’t be able to attain salvation?” Thinking of this, I couldn’t hold back tears any longer. As I was walking home, I recalled my years of believing in God. I’d given up a high-paying job to do my duty and busied myself from dawn to dusk at the church. I had no time to look after my child, and I wasn’t even willing to delay my duty when my husband and father got surgery. My family members didn’t understand me and complained to me, but I kept persisting in my duty. I had expended myself so much over these years; why wasn’t God caring for me or protecting me and even allowing my illness to get worse? Was it that I hadn’t done my duty well and so God was paying no heed to me and leaving me for dead? I wasn’t ready to die at such a young age; I wanted to wait until God’s work was over so that I could survive and enter the kingdom!

That night, I was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. I saw my child fast asleep next to me, and it made me extremely sad and upset. I didn’t know how much longer I could be there for him, and it felt like death could descend upon me at any time. I felt utterly miserable and helpless. During those couple days, the sister I was partnered with saw that my state was poor and fellowshipped on God’s words with me, but it went in one ear and out the other, and I was just hoping that God could get rid of my illness on the grounds that I hadn’t given up my duty even when I was so seriously ill. During that time, I was always very despondent, especially when I saw that some of the brothers and sisters around me hadn’t forsaken and expended themselves as much as I did but were still in great health and not seriously ill like I was. I thought that God might have been using this illness to reveal and eliminate me. I became despondent to such an extent that I was no longer as diligent in my duty as I’d been before. When doing my duty, if it got late or if I was slightly tired, I would fear that my body was getting exhausted, and sometimes, I would put off work that I could have finished if I hurried until the next day. I thought, “What’s the point of exerting myself even more? I’ve suffered and expended myself for all these years, but in the end, my illness hasn’t gotten better, and I still have to die when the time comes.” I even wanted to tell the leader that I was going to let go of my duty so that I could recuperate properly, and although I didn’t end up doing it, my heart had grown distant from God. I had nothing to say when praying, and I didn’t read God’s words as often. Later on, I was arrested by the Communist Party. After I was released, the police were still monitoring me, so I had to go work in another part of the country. I saw nonbelievers who were in great health and performed their work with vigor, while I, with my sallow complexion, was clearly an invalid. I couldn’t help but reason in my heart, thinking, “I’ve expended myself so much for God over these years. Even when I was arrested by the Communist Party, I didn’t deny God’s name and stood firm in my testimony. Why isn’t God caring for me, protecting me, and helping me get over my illness quickly?” I was aware that I shouldn’t reason with God like this, but I didn’t seek the truth, and I went on for a long time without resolving my state.

Later on, I watched some experiential testimony videos and saw that some brothers and sisters were able to self-reflect and seek the truth amidst illness and even write about their gains. I really envied them, and I was very moved. I had also experienced illness, but I hadn’t sought the truth, and to that day I had gained nothing. I came before God and prayed, “God, I also want to learn lessons amidst illness like these brothers and sisters. Please guide me and help me.” One day, I watched a movie called Reaping Joy Amid Suffering in which a sister, amidst her illness, comes to know God’s love and understands that God is using her illness to perfect and change her. In the end, this experience leads to her repentance and transformation. Her younger sister says to her, “You’re so blessed! To put you through trials and refine you in this way in order to change and perfect you, God must love you so much! I’m so envious! When will God bless me like that?” Listening to this, I was quite moved, and I also felt ashamed. I had always thought that having such a serious illness meant that God detested and hated me, that He was using this illness to reveal and eliminate me. Comparing this to the sister’s understanding, my view on things was completely preposterous! During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words: “If God loves you, He expresses this by often chastening, disciplining, and pruning you. Although your days may pass uncomfortably, amid chastening and discipline, once you have experienced this, you will discover that you have learned much, that you have discernment and are wise when it comes to interacting with other people, and also that you have come to understand some truths. If the love of God were like the love of a mother or father, as you imagine it to be, if He were so scrupulous in His care, and invariably indulgent, could you gain these things? You could not. And so, the love of God people can comprehend is different from the true love of God they can experience in His work; people must approach it according to God’s words and seek the truth in His words in order to know what true love is. If they do not seek the truth, how could someone who is corrupt conjure, out of thin air, an understanding of what God’s love is, what the aim of His work in man is, and where His painstaking intentions lie? People would never understand these things. This is the most likely misunderstanding people have about God’s work, and it is the aspect of God’s essence that people find most difficult to understand. People must experience it profoundly and personally and practically engage with it and appreciate it in order to be able to understand it. Ordinarily, when people say ‘love’ they mean giving someone what they like, not giving them something bitter when they want something sweet, or even if sometimes they are given something bitter, it is in order to treat an illness; in brief, it involves the selfishness, the feelings, and the flesh of man; it involves aims and motivations. But no matter what God does in you, no matter how He judges and chastises you, chastens and disciplines you, or how He prunes you, even if you misunderstand Him, and even complain about Him in your heart, God shall, with unflagging patience, continue to work in you. What is God’s ultimate aim in doing this? He uses this method to awaken you, so that one day you can understand God’s intentions. But when God sees this outcome, what has He gained? He has actually gained nothing. And why do I say this? Because your all comes from God. God does not need to gain anything. All He needs is for people to properly follow and enter in accordance with what He requires while He performs His work, to ultimately be able to live out the truth reality, to live with the likeness of man, and no longer be misled, beguiled, and tempted by Satan, to be able to rebel against Satan, to submit to and worship God, and then God is well pleased, and His great work is done” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (1)). From God’s words, I understood that God’s love is different from that of our parents or relatives in that God doesn’t just care for us meticulously without any principles and tolerate everything, nor does He just protect people and keep them safe from illness and disaster. All of this was my mistaken understanding of God’s love. God does not just show His love through mercy, kindness, and bestowing grace upon people. He also uses judgment and chastisement, trials and refinement, and chastening and discipline to help people understand the truth and cast off their corrupt dispositions, allowing them to ultimately live out a human likeness and be saved by Him. After reading God’s words, I was very upset and self-reproachful. I had believed in God for all these years, yet I had no understanding whatsoever as to how He loves and saves people. I only wanted God to give me grace and blessings and shield me from illness and disaster, not accepting His trials and refinement or His purification and perfection. For a full two years, I had lived inside my misunderstanding of God, my heart always closed off to Him. However, God had not treated me based on my rebelliousness and corruption, instead silently bearing my misunderstanding and rebellion and quietly staying by my side, waiting for the day that I would awaken. He also used the brothers and sisters’ experiences to help and support me, guiding me out of my state of misunderstanding and despondency. Understanding God’s intention, my heart was moved by His love, and I was no longer numb and intransigent. I was very remorseful and thought I was quite indebted to God. God had laid out these circumstances to reveal my corruption, to purify and save me, but I took His good actions as bad and went on misunderstanding and complaining against Him. I was truly so unreasonable! I came before God and prayed to Him, asking Him to forgive me, and saying that I was willing to repent to Him. I also asked Him to enlighten me and guide me to reflect on and try to know myself, and to learn the lessons I ought to learn from this illness.

One day, I read God’s words: “First, when people begin to believe in God, which of them does not have their own aims, motivations, and ambitions? Even though one part of them believes in the existence of God and has seen the existence of God, their belief in God still contains those motivations, and their ultimate aim in believing in God is to receive His blessings and the things they want. In people’s life experiences, they often think to themselves: ‘I’ve given up my family and career for God, and what has He given me? I must add it up, and confirm it—have I received any blessings recently? I’ve given a lot during this time, I’ve run and run, and have suffered much—has God given me any promises in return? Has He remembered my good deeds? What will my end be? Can I receive God’s blessings? …’ Every person constantly makes such calculations within their heart, and they make demands of God which bear their motivations, ambitions, and a transactional mentality. This is to say, in his heart man is constantly testing God, constantly devising plans about God, constantly arguing the case for his own individual outcome with God, and trying to extract a statement from God, seeing whether or not God can give him what he wants. At the same time as pursuing God, man does not treat God as God. Man has always tried to make deals with God, ceaselessly making demands of Him, and even pressing Him at every step, trying to take a mile after being given an inch. At the same time as trying to make deals with God, man also argues with Him, and there are even people who, when trials befall them or they find themselves in certain situations, often become weak, negative and slack in their work, and full of complaints about God. From the time when man first began to believe in God, he has considered God to be a cornucopia, a Swiss Army knife, and he has considered himself to be God’s greatest creditor, as if trying to get blessings and promises from God were his inherent right and obligation, while God’s responsibility were to protect and care for man, and to provide for him. Such is the basic understanding of ‘belief in God’ of all those who believe in God, and such is their deepest understanding of the concept of belief in God. From man’s nature essence to his subjective pursuit, there is nothing that relates to the fear of God. Man’s aim in believing in God could not possibly have anything to do with the worship of God. That is to say, man has never considered nor understood that belief in God requires fearing and worshiping God. In light of such conditions, man’s essence is obvious. What is this essence? It is that man’s heart is malicious, harbors treachery and deceit, does not love fairness and righteousness and that which is positive, and it is contemptible and greedy. Man’s heart could not be more closed to God; he has not given it to God at all. God has never seen man’s true heart, nor has He ever been worshiped by man. No matter how great the price God pays, or how much work He does, or how much He provides to man, man remains blind and utterly indifferent to it all. Man has never given his heart to God, he only wants to mind his heart himself, to make his own decisions—the subtext of which is that man does not want to follow the way of fearing God and shunning evil, or to submit to the sovereignty and arrangements of God, nor does he want to worship God as God. Such is the state of man today” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). God’s words exposed the despicable motives hidden in my faith in God over the years. From the outset, I was in it to gain blessings and grace. I was able to forsake everything and expend myself for God because I’d seen God cure my liver illness, and I rejoiced thinking that I’d found someone I could rely on the most. I saw God as a great doctor, a safe haven, and I vainly attempted to use superficially forsaking and expending myself to obtain more rewards and blessings from God, such as staying in good health and having a good destination. There was no sincerity or submission in my expending of myself, and it was even less to repay God’s love and satisfy Him. I was using and cheating God, making transactions with Him. I was living by the satanic laws like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Never lift a finger without a reward,” and “One must be rewarded for what they expend.” I had become increasingly selfish and greedy, approaching every matter in terms of my own interests and making calculations with God in everything I did, such as counting how much I had forsaken and paid a price for Him and how many blessings He had given me. When I saw that God had cured my illness, I became energetic in my duty and thought that forsaking anything for God was worthwhile, and when I heard the doctor say that my illness had gotten worse, I wanted to do my duty properly so that God would make my illness disappear. But when I saw that after expending myself for all these years, my illness was not only not improving but also getting increasingly serious, I felt that my desire for blessings was shattered, and I immediately used my years of expending myself as capital to reason and settle accounts with God. I complained about God for being unrighteous toward me, and I was not as devoted to my duty as before. I procrastinated and didn’t give a full effort, and I even wanted to leave my duty behind and go home to recuperate. I truly had no conscience or reason! I thought of how God had saved me from this wicked and dark world and brought me before Him, using His words to water, supply, and support me. He also used my illness to reveal my corruption, to purify and change me. God had put so much painstaking effort toward me and paid such a price for me. However, after enjoying God’s greatest salvation at no cost over these years, not only did I not think to repay God, I even took for granted everything I gained from Him. When I found out that I was in danger of dying from my illness, I immediately turned against God and began to reason and settle accounts with Him, complaining about Him for being unrighteous toward me. I had believed in God for years without treating Him at all like God. I was just a selfish, despicable, and vile person who put profit before everything, and I had no humanity or reason whatsoever.

One time, I read a passage of God’s words from an experiential testimony video that really pierced my heart. Almighty God says: “No matter how they are tried, the allegiance of those who have God in their heart remains unchanged; but for those who do not have God in their heart, once the work of God is not advantageous to their flesh, they change their view of God, and even depart from God. Such are those who will not stand fast in the end, who only seek God’s blessings and have no desire to expend themselves for God and dedicate themselves to Him. Such base people will all be expelled when God’s work comes to an end, and they are unworthy of any sympathy. Those without humanity are incapable of truly loving God. When the environment is safe and secure, or there are profits to be made, they are totally obedient toward God, but once that which they desire is compromised or finally refuted, they immediately revolt. Even in the space of just one night, they may go from a smiling, ‘kind-hearted’ person to an ugly-looking and ferocious killer, suddenly treating their benefactor of yesterday as their mortal enemy, without rhyme or reason. If these demons are not cast out, these demons that would kill without blinking an eye, will they not become a hidden danger?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). From God’s words, I understood that when people who have good humanity and have a conscience and reason see that everything they enjoy is bestowed upon them by God at no cost, they will be willing to do their duties as created beings to repay God’s love. At its core, this is something that is perfectly natural and justified, just like how when children are filial to their parents, they are fulfilling their responsibilities and obligations and should not expect compensation or set conditions. Meanwhile, those without humanity thank and praise God when they gain interests and benefits from Him, but when their desire to gain blessings is shattered, they immediately turn against God, reasoning and settling accounts with Him and even standing in opposition to Him, treating Him as an enemy, and openly clamoring with and antagonizing Him. Through what God’s words exposed, I saw that I was this exact sort of person who had no humanity. When God cured my illness back then, I thanked Him and was willing to forsake and give up everything, but when I was diagnosed with cirrhosis and was in danger of dying, I immediately turned against God and used my years of forsaking and expending myself as capital to boldly inquire, “Why isn’t God caring for me and protecting me after I’ve forsaken and expended myself so much? Why is He doing the opposite and making my illness get worse? Why is it that all those people who haven’t forsaken and expended themselves a lot are in perfect health while I’m stuck with this serious illness? Why are the people who don’t believe in God healthy but I’m over here expending myself and forsaking all this while God still isn’t making me get better quickly? Also, when I was arrested by the Communist Party, I didn’t deny God and stood firm in my testimony, so why doesn’t God get rid of my illness?” Was I not clamoring with God and opposing Him? The implicit meaning behind my words was this: “I’ve forsaken and expended myself a lot, so God should give me blessings. Only then will I acknowledge God’s righteousness. If I can’t gain blessings, I won’t acknowledge that God is righteous.” I was forcing and demanding God to give me blessings, and there was a wicked, vicious disposition in this. At its essence, it was brazenly defying and antagonizing God. Was I not seeking death by doing this? Back in the day, Paul went everywhere spreading the gospel, establishing churches, and doing lots of work, but his motive in forsaking and expending himself was not to satisfy God, and much less was it to do his duty as a created being. Rather, he wanted to use his expending himself and working to demand a crown of righteousness from God, to exchange these for blessings of the kingdom of heaven. His view on pursuit and the path he followed were spurned and condemned by God, and in the end, not only did he not enter the kingdom of heaven, he was sent to hell to receive the punishment he deserved. God’s essence is holy and righteous, and He does not determine people’s outcomes based on how much they run about and expend themselves. Rather, He decides whether they can be saved based on whether their life disposition is able to change. For someone like me, who is full of satanic corrupt dispositions and brazenly reasons with, clamors with, and antagonizes God when they don’t gain blessings, if they don’t experience God’s judgment and chastisement and His chastening and discipline, then how could they possibly be qualified to enter God’s kingdom? In the end, such a person would certainly be sent down to hell to receive punishment like Paul! At this time, I understood that God had used my illness to promptly make me turn back from the mistaken path of resisting God and to help me reflect on and understand myself and walk the path of pursuing the truth so that I wouldn’t resist God and get punished in the end. Understanding God’s earnest intention, I felt deeply that this illness was God protecting me, that it was a different kind of blessing. I read more of God’s words: “Everyone’s lifespan has been predetermined by God. An illness may appear to be terminal from a medical standpoint, but from God’s point of view, if your life must still go on and your time has yet to come, then you couldn’t die even if you wanted to. If God has given you a commission, and your mission is not over, then you will not even die from an illness that is supposed to be fatal—God will not take you yet. Even if you do not pray and seek the truth, or do not attend to treating your illness, or even if you put off your treatment, you will not die. This is particularly true for those who have received a commission from God: When their mission has yet to be completed, no matter what illness befalls them, they must not die straight away; they must live until the final moment of the mission’s completion” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I understood that man’s life and death are in God’s hands. God predetermined long ago how long my life would last; it was preordained down to the very second. Even if I was diagnosed with a fatal illness, or if, in people’s eyes, everyone in my family had died from liver cancer and there was nothing I could do to escape it, but from God’s perspective my time had not yet come and my mission was not yet complete, then He would not let me die, and I wouldn’t be able to die. If my mission was complete and my time had arrived, then I’d have to die even if I was in great health and didn’t have any illness. This had to do with God’s predetermination and was entirely unrelated to my family’s history of illness. Recognizing that God holds sovereignty over whether people live or die, I was no longer as constrained by death as I was before. I was willing to entrust my life and death to God and submit to His sovereignty and arrangements, and my heart felt much more relaxed and liberated.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “When facing illness, you may actively seek treatment, but you should also approach it with a positive attitude. As to how much your illness can be treated and whether it can be cured, and whatever may happen in the end, you should always submit and not complain. This is the attitude you should adopt, for you are a created being and you have no other option. You cannot say, ‘If I’m cured of this disease, then I’ll believe it is God’s great power, but if I’m not cured, then I’ll not be happy with God. Why did God give me this disease? Why does He not cure this disease? Why did I get this disease and not someone else? I don’t want it! Why do I have to die so early at such a young age? How come other people get to keep on living? Why?’ Don’t ask why, it is God’s orchestration. There is no reason, and you shouldn’t ask why. Asking why is rebellious talk, and this is not a question a created being should ask. Don’t ask why, there is no why. God has arranged things and planned things like this. If you ask why, then it can only be said that you are too rebellious, too intransigent. When something dissatisfies you, or God does not do as you wish or let you have your way, you become unhappy, you’re disgruntled, and you always ask why. So, God asks you, ‘As a created being, why haven’t you done your duty well? Why haven’t you faithfully performed your duty?’ And how will you respond? You say, ‘There is no why, this is just how I am.’ Is that acceptable? (No.) It’s acceptable for God to speak to you that way, but it’s not acceptable for you to speak to God in that way. You are standing in the wrong position, and you are too senseless. No matter what difficulties a created being encounters, it is perfectly natural and justified that you should submit to the arrangements and orchestrations of the Creator. For example, your parents begat you, raised you, and you call them mother and father—this is perfectly natural and justified, and this is how it should be; there is no why. So, God orchestrates all these things for you and, whether you enjoy blessings or suffer hardships, this is also perfectly natural and justified, and you have no choice in the matter. If you can submit until the very end, then you will attain salvation like Peter did. However, if you blame God, abandon God, and betray God because of some temporary illness, then all the relinquishing, the expending, the performing of your duty, and the paying the price you have done before will have been for nothing. This is because all your past hard work will not have laid any foundation for you to perform the duty of a created being well or take your proper place as a created being, and it will not have changed anything about you. This will then cause you to betray God because of your illness, and your end will be as Paul’s, to be punished in the end. The reason for this determination is that everything you have done before was so that you can obtain a crown and for the sake of receiving blessings. If, when you finally face illness and death, you are still able to submit without any complaints, it proves that all you did before was done sincerely and willingly for God. You are submissive to God, and ultimately your submission will mark a perfect end to your life of faith in God, and this is commended by God. Therefore, an illness can cause you to have a good end, or it can cause you to have a bad end; the kind of end you come to depends on the path you follow and what your attitude toward God is” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God speaks with great clarity about how people should practice and what kind of path they should choose when facing illness. If someone falls ill, they can get treatment, and God does not wish to see people living amidst illness while feeling gloomy, anxious, and worried because of their health, much less does He want to see people not pursuing the truth in the slightest like Paul, lacking the reason that a created being ought to have and using their years of forsaking and expending as capital to make transactions with God when faced with trials and adversity, demanding a crown of righteousness from Him and antagonizing and clamoring with Him only to be punished in the end for resisting Him. What God hopes is that we’re able to be like Job when faced with illness, standing in our position as created beings, accepting and submitting to God’s sovereignty and arrangements without our own choices and demands. Only this way can someone have reason and humanity. Reflecting on myself, during the trials of this illness, I had been negative, full of misunderstandings and complaints, even standing in opposition to God and antagonizing His sovereignty and orchestrations. I was truly so intransigent and rebellious, and I had none of the reason that a created being should possess. I came before God and prayed to Him, “God, I didn’t pursue the truth in the past, always trying to make transactions with You to gain blessings. Now, I have come to understand Your earnest intention. You used my illness to purify and change me, to reverse my mistaken views on pursuit. I’m willing to submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements. Although I don’t have Job’s humanity, I’m willing to follow his example and stand firm in my testimony for You. If I continue to complain to You, I ask that You curse me.” Afterward, I was able to correctly regard my illness. I took medicine when I was supposed to, and I wasn’t so constrained by my condition and could do my duty normally.

Later on, I went to the hospital for another check-up, and the doctor said that the earlier diagnosis of cirrhosis had been a bit premature and that the tubercles in my liver hadn’t developed much. The doctor told me to come back for regular check-ups so that they could continue observing the tubercles’ development. However, since I had a police record for belief in God and couldn’t show my identity card, I wasn’t able to go to the hospital for testing for more than three years. At the beginning of this year, a sister who worked at a hospital helped me do some lab tests. When the test results were out, the doctor said that my liver function, as well as the various levels, were normal. Hearing this, I was very thankful to God.

While experiencing the revelations of this illness, although I suffered a lot, I gained some understanding about my motive of gaining blessings in my faith in God as well as my satanic disposition of viciousness. Through experiencing the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, my mistaken views in my faith in God were somewhat transformed. Now, even though my illness isn’t completely cured, I’m able to show some reason and willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. That I’ve been able to change in this small way is all because of the judgment and chastisement of God’s words. Thank God!