By Gan’en, China

I used to have a harmonious, happy family and I was a human resources manager for a company. My husband was the office manager for the electricity bureau. He was soon to be promoted to deputy director of the bureau. Our son was really smart, too. Everyone we knew admired us. Just as I was reveling in this happiness and harmony, something terrible happened. My husband got involved with the wife of his personal driver. This sudden blow was absolutely earth-shattering for me. I couldn’t eat or sleep for several days. I was filled with anger and resentment and I felt so humiliated. I was in such pain I even wanted to die. Just as I was holding the bottle of poison in my hand and was about to commit suicide, I thought about my mother and my son. If I died, how could my elderly mother possibly withstand the pain of having to bury her own daughter? My son, so young, would have to go through so many hardships in life. His dad couldn’t be relied on anymore, so if he lost his mom, wouldn’t he essentially be an orphan? My heart softened at these thoughts. I knelt down, sobbing.

After some time, I clawed my way out of that pain somewhere between life and death, but I didn’t regain the peaceful life I’d once had. I hated that woman to the marrow of my bones and felt that she was the cause of all of my pain, that she had destroyed our perfectly happy family. I thought, “If you won’t let me have a good life, I won’t let you live in peace. Since you’re making me suffer this way, I’ll make sure you pay twice over.” I assaulted her and got people to go to her house to smash things up, so she was too scared to go back home. Even though I had her in an awful predicament, I was still in pain. I just couldn’t escape from the shadow of my broken home. Just then, an acquaintance shared the gospel of the Lord Jesus with me and gave me a copy of the Bible. Reading it, the Lord Jesus’ tolerance, patience, and forgiveness really touched me. It made me wonder why I couldn’t forgive my husband and that woman just once. I prayed to the Lord to give me strength, to give me the tolerance and patience to forgive them. My husband and I stopped fighting and I didn’t lash out at that woman when I saw her, either. But I still couldn’t let go of the grudge I held. I just forced myself to tolerate it for the sake of my family, my son, and for my life going forward. But to my surprise, not only did my husband not show restraint, but he made things even worse. He abandoned his job and eloped with that woman. I thought about how before, I’d given up my chance to get into the procuratorate and be promoted for my husband, I’d taken care of our child, cooked, and taken on all the housework for my husband, I’d run all over the place pulling strings to get my husband promoted. But all I got in return was my husband betraying me, hurting me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I hated my husband for being so devoid of conscience, for being so heartless. I also hated that woman and I wanted to see her dead, even if it meant my death, too. I tried everything to cut off their sources of income so they wouldn’t be able to make ends meet. It wasn’t long before they slunk back into town because they’d gone broke. One day, my husband broke down in tears in front of me, admitting he was wrong and apologizing, and he swore he’d turn over a new leaf and become a new man. He asked me to get some friends to help him have his work transferred into the county town so he could start a new life in a different environment. Seeing how pained he looked and hearing his apparently sincere apology, my heart melted. I also wanted to forget about all the unhappy things in the past and make a fresh start, so I agreed to his requests. I reached out to my friends right away to get both of us transferred. We started living together again, and even though he tried everything to please me and make me happy, I just felt like I didn’t have anything to say to him. In spite of that, I was still holding on to illusions about our marriage, thinking that wound just needed time to heal. But what shocked me even more was that when I was busy working to get our positions transferred, I accidentally discovered that he’d gone to see that woman again. I couldn’t contain my rage any longer and I screamed at him to get out. Two days later, he left without saying a word, and never came back. That was when I finally woke up. I realized he’d never wanted to truly repent. He’d only come back because he was broke and had nothing to live on. He was nice to me and said he wanted to patch things up, but that was all a facade. He just wanted to use me to help get his position transferred over. My heart just shattered when I realized this. I hated my husband through-and-through, and I hated that woman too. I started planning to get her crippled and disfigured.

If someone hadn’t shared God’s gospel of the last days with me, I really don’t know what sort of stupid thing I would have done. After accepting God’s work of the last days, by reading God’s words, I learned the reasons behind the darkness and evil of the world, and the misery and desolation in society. God’s words say, “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy for living, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him. Man’s disposition becomes more vicious by the day, and there is not a single person who will willingly give up anything for God, not a single person who will willingly obey God, nor, moreover, a single person who will willingly seek the appearance of God. Instead, under the domain of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud. Even when they hear the truth, those who live in darkness give no thought to putting it into practice, nor are they inclined to seek out God even if they have beheld His appearance. How could a mankind so depraved have any chance of salvation? How could a mankind so decadent live in the light?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God). “Mankind is none other than My enemy. Mankind is the evil one that opposes and disobeys Me. Mankind is none other than the progeny of the evil one accursed by Me. Mankind is none other than the descendant of the archangel that betrayed Me. Mankind is none other than the legacy of the devil who, spurned by Me long ago, has been My irreconcilable enemy ever since. For the sky above all mankind is turbid and dark, without the slightest impression of clarity, and the human world is plunged into pitchy darkness, so that one living in it cannot even see his outstretched hand before his face or the sun when he lifts up his head. The road beneath his feet, muddy and rife with potholes, meanders tortuously; the whole land is littered with corpses. The dark corners are filled with the remains of the dead, and in the cool and shady corners crowds of demons have taken up residence. And everywhere in the world of men demons come and go in hordes. The progeny of all manner of beasts, covered in filth, are locked in pitched battle, the sound of which strikes terror to the heart. At such times, in such a world, such an ‘earthly paradise,’ where does one go to seek out life’s felicities? Where could one go to find his life’s destination?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What It Means to Be a Real Person). Reading God’s words really brightened my heart. I saw that since Satan corrupted mankind, we’ve lost our conscience and reason, and we’ve been devoid of humanity. We don’t have any dignity or integrity. We’re all deceitful, selfish, despicable, sinister, and malicious. We’re always scheming for personal benefit, making calculations about others. We only care about our own enjoyment and couldn’t care less whether others live or die. We build our happiness on the suffering of others. There’s fighting and killing at every turn. Everyone lives in sin, denies and resists God, is sick of the truth, worships evil, and revels in the delights of sin without thinking it’s sin. Husbands betray wives, wives betray husbands, husbands and wives both betray each other. They indulge in their lusts for fun. Where is there any humanity? Everyone’s a living ghost. I realized that my husband’s betrayal was a result of Satan’s poisons. I was no exception. When other people encroached on my interests, I became filled with resentment, living every minute tormented by the agony of my hatred without any motivation for work or life. Even my son was dragged into it. All of these disasters were harmful things wrought by Satan. Understanding all of this was kind of enlightening for me. Later on I gained some insight into life through praying and reading God’s words. I saw that mankind is evil and corrupt, we all exploit and cheat each other, and there’s no such thing as true love. I gradually let go of the hatred I had for my husband and that woman, and I scrapped my plan for revenge. It was then that I started a whole new life. I ate and drank God’s words every day, gathering with brothers and sisters, reading God’s words, and singing hymns in praise of God. I had such a sense of release and freedom. I gradually started feeling better and I was able to smile again.

But before long, something else happened, and I nearly fell for a test. A friend called me one afternoon and said he absolutely had to see me. When I saw him, he told me with the utmost seriousness, “I’ve divorced my wife. I’ve liked you ever since I first laid eyes on you, and now that there’s finally a chance, I want to take care of you for the rest of your life.” I was shocked to hear this, but I still told him very calmly, “There’s no way!” He said he meant it, and that he’d make arrangements for my son’s job, marriage, and everything, that he wouldn’t treat my son unfairly. He said a whole lot more, but seeing I wasn’t saying a word, he told me he’d give me three days to think it over, then I could answer. I was tossing and turning in bed that night, feeling really conflicted. He was pretty well off. We’d always gotten along and we understood each other. Also, my son had just finished college and didn’t have a job yet. On top of that, I was on my own, without anyone at home to discuss things with. I did want to be with him. As soon as I had that thought, I felt a piercing pain in my heart. I knew very clearly that believers and unbelievers are on two different paths. If I were with him, I wouldn’t be able to keep practicing my faith, and that would mean I was betraying God. How could I forget about God’s salvation for me? But whenever I closed my eyes, the thought of his earnest words and that pleading look in his eyes was unbearable for me. I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. I wavered and wrestled with the question for quite a while. Just when I’d made up my mind to go be with him, some words from God came to mind: “What benefit are men to you? Can they truly save you from the sea of affliction?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (7)). I couldn’t help but weep from the enlightenment of these words. I thought of all those times with my husband, from love to betrayal, from swearing vows to becoming bitter enemies. It was so sad to think back on! It’s true. What good was a man to me? Could he give me true love and happiness? Could he really save me from that sea of affliction? There’s no true affection or love between humans. Human feelings, human love is just for show. It’s fleeting, and it can never last. People just use and deceive each other to satisfy their desires of the flesh. My husband was that way, so what would make this person different? Didn’t he have the same nature and essence? Hadn’t I already been hurt enough by my husband? Did I really want to go through the torment of another marriage? I forgot the pain after the wound healed, and I’d nearly been misled, fooled by flowery words and once again led astray. At that moment, I hated myself for not having a conscience, for being ungrateful. If it hadn’t been for God’s salvation, would I even be here today? God has expressed so many truths that I wasn’t pursuing. Instead, I was chasing these empty, worthless things. I was so foolish! God’s words awoke my heart once again. I couldn’t give up my chance to pursue the truth and be saved for another man. First thing the next morning, I called him and turned him down. I felt such a great sense of relief the moment I hung up the phone. Otherwise, I’m sure Satan would have made a fool out of me, and done me harm. Then one day, I ran into a friend of mine I’d been pretty close with. She was looking really thin and haggard. I was shocked. She told me that her husband had betrayed her, and when they were discussing divorce she had tried to poison herself as she was hopeless, but she was resuscitated in the end. Hearing what had happened to her made me think of my own despair and misery when my marriage fell apart. I would’ve already died if it hadn’t been for God’s protection. I read this in God’s words later: “Why does a husband love his wife? Why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? Why do parents dote on their children? What sorts of intentions do people actually harbor? Is their intent not to satisfy their own plans and selfish desires?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). God’s words showed me why after nearly two decades, our feelings for each other were so fragile and couldn’t withstand the slightest blow. It’s because there’s no true affection or love between human beings. It’s just to satisfy personal desires or to use each other. When someone is worth using, we say only nice things to butter them up, but when we’re done using them, we kick them out the door as if they were an old shirt or a pile of garbage. A “happy family” and “love between husband and wife” are just lies to fool people, and they’re a trap that Satan uses to deceive us. It’s too bad I didn’t believe in God back then—I didn’t understand the truth and lacked clarity, so I couldn’t see through Satan’s tricks. A few of my husband’s artful lies and fake tears had me duped. I was totally blinded by a false sense of happiness and I had lost my head, toyed with by these empty feelings. I’d nearly lost my life over it. I was such an idiot! It was then that I realized that only God’s love for mankind is truly genuine, and when I was overflowing with hatred, it was God’s words that dispelled the hate in my heart and soothed my pain, giving me a sense of peace and joy in my soul. Who in the world could love me that way? Whose love could surpass God’s? These thoughts brought me comfort and made me so grateful for God’s salvation.

Later, I read some passages in God’s words that gave me some understanding of the truth of Satan’s corruption of man. God says, “Pernicious influences that thousands of years of ‘the lofty spirit of nationalism’ have left deep in the human heart, as well as the feudal thinking by which people are bound and chained, without an iota of freedom, with no will to aspire or persevere, no desire to make progress, remaining instead passive and regressive, entrenched in a slave mentality, and so on—these objective factors have imparted an indelibly filthy and ugly cast to the ideological outlook, ideals, morality, and disposition of humanity. Humans, it would seem, are living in a dark world of terrorism, which none among them seeks to transcend, and none among them thinks of moving on to an ideal world; rather, they are content with their lot in life, to spend their days bearing and raising children, striving, sweating, going about their chores, dreaming of a comfortable and happy family, and dreaming of conjugal affection, of filial children, of joy in their twilight years as they peacefully live out their lives…. For tens, thousands, tens of thousands of years until now, people have been squandering their time in this way, with no one creating a perfect life, all intent only on mutual slaughter in this dark world, on the race for fame and fortune, and on intriguing against one another. Who has ever sought after God’s will? Has anyone ever heeded the work of God? All the parts of humanity occupied by the influence of darkness have long since become human nature, and so it is quite difficult to carry out the work of God, and people have even less heart to pay attention to what God has entrusted to them today” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (3)). “Man’s entire life is lived under the domain of Satan, and there is not a single person who can free themselves from the influence of Satan on their own. All live in a filthy world, in corruption and emptiness, without the slightest meaning or value; they live such carefree lives for the flesh, for lust, and for Satan. There is not the slightest value to their existence. Man is incapable of finding the truth that will free him from the influence of Satan. Even though man believes in God and reads the Bible, he does not understand how to free himself of the control of Satan’s influence. Throughout the ages, very few people have discovered this secret, very few have grasped it. As such, even though man detests Satan, and detests the flesh, he does not know how to rid himself of the ensnaring influence of Satan” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). God’s words reveal the reality of our lives as human beings. Wasn’t I experiencing so much pain because I’d been chasing a so-called “happy life”? For the love between a husband and wife, for a happy family, I strove to become my husband’s virtuous wife, his better half. I was willing to give him my blood, sweat, and tears, even if it cost me my very life. I was like a clockwork machine, toiling for my husband and for the family nonstop. When my husband got ahead, I was thrilled for him. When he betrayed me, I was devastated and cried myself silly at home, and felt like life itself was a kind of misery. In an effort to fight to put my shattered family back together, I came to blows with that woman, with no thought for my own dignity or integrity. I also had to suppress the animosity in my heart and give my husband a chance to repent. Now I can see that I was living under Satan’s domain, being toyed with and manipulated by Satan like a doll, living without any humanity. I was living a hellish life. But I was enthralled by it, thinking that was the only way to live a meaningful life. God’s words opened up my heart and allowed me to see that the so-called “happy life” I was pursuing was worthless, that it was meaningless. Even if I did achieve those things, so what? Wasn’t it all totally empty?

Later, I read this in God’s words: “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. If you do not worship God but live within your filthy flesh, then are you not just a beast in human attire? Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. In this world, man wears the devil’s clothing, eats food from the devil, and works and serves under the devil’s thumb, becoming completely trampled in its filth. If you do not grasp the meaning of life or obtain the true way, then what significance is there in living like this? You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (2)). Out in the world, I had my fill of Satan’s ravages for the sake of my marriage. It was Almighty God who saved me and allowed me the good fortune to come back into God’s house. God’s words watered and sustained me so that I could understand some truth, see through a bit of the evil and darkness in the world, see the truth of people’s corruption, and leave my pain behind. God’s love for me is so great. I should repay God’s love. After that, I started preaching the gospel and doing my duty with brothers and sisters, and I felt so at peace and happy in my heart. Thank God! There’s a hymn that really speaks to my heart: “If I Were Not Saved by God.” “If I were not saved by God, I would still be drifting in the world, struggling painfully in sin, without any hope in life. If I were not saved by God, I would still be trampled by devils, enjoying the pleasures of sin, not knowing the path of human life. Almighty God is merciful to me; the sound of His words beckons me. I hear God’s voice and have been lifted up before His throne. Each day I eat and drink the words of God, and I have understood many truths. I see the great depth of mankind’s corruption. We truly need God’s salvation. …” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs).