By Ye Qiu, China

In early September 2022, I was a watering team leader in the church. At that time, two newcomers, Sister Qiu Zhen and Sister Yang Yun, had just been transferred from another church. The leader asked me to quickly arrange for people to water them, saying that these two sisters had good caliber and understanding, that I should pay more attention to how they were doing during later watering, and that they could be cultivated and trained for duties as soon as possible. The leader also mentioned that Qiu Zhen’s state had recently been disturbed because of persecution and obstruction from her family, and that she needed more fellowship and help. After this, I arranged for waterers to meet with Qiu Zhen and Yang Yun, and I also fellowshipped with Qiu Zhen using God’s words. Yang Yun’s state was fine, so I confidently left her to the waterers.

A month flew by, and the leader asked me about how Qiu Zhen and Yang Yun were doing, whether they had made any progress, and if they could be cultivated. Seeing the leader’s letter, I was a bit panicked, thinking, “I only fellowshipped with Qiu Zhen at the beginning, and after seeing her state improve, I didn’t follow up with her, and I forgot to follow up and look into the details of how these two newcomers were doing. What should I do now? How should I respond? If I just come out and say I forgot to follow up, the leader will definitely say that I’d been perfunctory, not doing real work, that I didn’t do what I was specifically asked to do, and that I’m completely unreliable. That would ruin my pride, and I might even be pruned.” To prevent the leader from seeing that I hadn’t done real work, I thought of a solution, “I’ll quickly send a letter to the waterers to look into how Qiu Zhen and Yang Yun are doing, and then I’ll reply to the leader saying that I am following up. But I clearly only fellowshipped with Qiu Zhen once at the very beginning, and then forgot to follow up on her and Yang Yun. Wouldn’t saying that I followed up on them be a blatant lie? No, I can’t just outright lie.” So I thought of another way. I would neither directly say I followed up, nor say that I hadn’t focused on following up. Instead, I’d beat around the bush and say, “It just so happened that I’ve scheduled a gathering with two waterers. I planned to look into how the newcomers have been doing lately during that gathering. I’ll get back to you shortly after that.” After writing the letter, I felt a vague sense of unease in my heart. I felt that I was being truly slippery and deceitful, but I was afraid that if I didn’t respond this way, the leader would say I wasn’t doing real work. So in the end, this was how I replied.

The next day, I suddenly felt dizzy, nauseous, and couldn’t stand. A sister reminded me that when afflicted with a sudden illness, one should seek if there is a lesson to learn. Later, I thought about how the leader had asked me to follow up on how Yang Yun and Qiu Zhen were doing. I promised to do it properly, but then forgot about it. I’d already been so irresponsible in this matter, but I still wasn’t honest, and chose to be evasive, deceitful, and cover things up instead. Wouldn’t this be even more abhorrent to God? I saw that my words and actions wound and slithered like a snake, so I sought God’s words exposing such behavior. Almighty God says: “Let us first look at what kind of question Jehovah God asked of Satan. ‘From where come you?’ Isn’t this a straightforward question? Is there any hidden meaning? No; it is just a straightforward question. If I were to ask you: ‘Where do you come from?’ how then would you answer? Is it a difficult question to answer? Would you say: ‘From going to and fro, and from walking up and down’? (No.) You would not answer like this. So, how then do you feel when you see Satan answering in this way? (We feel that Satan is being absurd, but also deceitful.) Can you tell what I am feeling? Every time I see these words of Satan, I feel disgusted, because Satan talks, and yet its words contain no substance. Did Satan answer God’s question? No, the words Satan spoke were not an answer, they did not yield anything. They were not an answer to God’s question. ‘From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.’ What is your understanding of these words? Just where does Satan come from? Have you received an answer to this question? (No.) This is the ‘genius’ of Satan’s cunning schemes—not letting anyone discover what it is actually saying. Having heard these words you still cannot discern what it has said, even though it has finished answering. Yet Satan believes it has answered perfectly. How then do you feel? Disgusted? (Yes.) Now you begin to feel disgust in response to these words. Satan’s words have a certain characteristic: What Satan says leaves you scratching your head, unable to perceive the source of its words. Sometimes Satan has motives and speaks deliberately, and sometimes governed by its nature, such words emerge spontaneously, and come straight out of Satan’s mouth. Satan does not spend a long time weighing such words; rather, they are expressed without thinking. When God asked where it came from, Satan answered with a few ambiguous words. You feel very puzzled, never knowing exactly where Satan is from. Are there any among you who speak like this? What kind of way is this to speak? (It is ambiguous and does not give a certain answer.) What kind of words should we use to describe this way of speaking? It is diversionary and misguiding. Suppose someone does not want to let others know what they did yesterday. You ask them: ‘I saw you yesterday. Where were you going?’ They do not tell you directly where they went. Rather, they say: ‘What a day it was yesterday. It was so tiring!’ Did they answer your question? They did, but they did not give the answer you wanted. This is the ‘genius’ within the artifice of man’s speech. You can never discover what they mean, nor perceive the source or intention of their words. You do not know what they are trying to avoid because in their heart they have their own story—this is insidious. Are there any among you who also often speak in this way? (Yes.) What then is your purpose? Is it sometimes to protect your own interests, sometimes to maintain your own pride, position, and image, to protect the secrets of your private life? Whatever the purpose, it is inseparable from your interests, linked to your interests. Is this not the nature of man? All who have such a nature are closely related to Satan, if not its family. We can put it like this, can we not? Generally speaking, this manifestation is detestable and abhorrent” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique IV). From God’s words of exposure of Satan, I saw that the way Satan speaks is truly disgusting. When God asks a simple question, Satan could respond clearly, but instead, it speaks in a roundabout way to conceal its true intentions and purposes, making it confusing and hard to discern its true thoughts and intents. This is truly insidious and deceitful. In light of God’s words, I saw that what God exposed was my own behavior. When the leader followed up on how the two newcomers were doing, I realized that I had only fellowshipped with Qiu Zhen once at the beginning, but since later I got busy with other things, I didn’t follow up with them after assigning them to waterers. I had no knowledge of their progress, any issues they might be having, or their potential for cultivation. If I just came out and said I hadn’t followed up, it’d show the leader that I didn’t do real work and that I was just dealing with things in a perfunctory and irresponsible way. That would damage my pride and image, and I might even be pruned. So I resorted to deceit, claiming that I had scheduled a gathering with the two waterers, with the intention of looking into how the newcomers had been doing lately and reporting after, thus making the leader think that I was doing real work, and that I was consistently following up on and paying attention to how the newcomers were doing. I also mentioned meeting with the waterers in person to look into what they were doing, making it sound like I had a strong sense of burden, thus concealing the issue while protecting my pride and image. I saw how insidious my intentions were, and how my words and actions were just like Satan’s. I was being evasive, diversionary, and misleading. I was truly slippery and deceitful! I thought I was being clever, coming up with a good solution and answering perfectly, but this crooked and deceitful disposition made God disgusted and incurred His hatred. If I didn’t quickly repent, I would eventually be revealed and eliminated by God.

Later, after reading God’s words, I gained some understanding of the intentions behind my deceit. Almighty God says: “When people engage in deceit, what intentions does this come from? What aim are they trying to achieve? Without exception, it is to achieve fame, gain, and status; in a nutshell, it is for the sake of their own interests. And what lies at the root of the pursuit of self-interest? It is that people see their own interests as being more important than everything else. They engage in deceit in order to benefit themselves, and their deceitful disposition is thereby revealed. How should this problem be resolved? First you must discern and know what interests are, what they bring to people exactly, and what the consequences of pursuing them are. If you can’t figure this out, then forsaking them will be easier said than done. If people don’t understand the truth, then nothing is harder for them to give up than their own interests. That’s because their life philosophies are ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ and ‘Man dies for wealth as birds do for food.’ Clearly, they live for their own interests. People think that without their own interests—that if they were to lose their interests—they wouldn’t be able to survive. It’s as if their survival is inseparable from their own interests, so most people are blind to all but their own interests. They see their own interests as higher than anything else, they live for their own interests, and getting them to give up their own interests is like asking them to give up their own lives” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). God’s words made me understand why I was trying every trick I could to cover up my mistakes. The root cause was that I was living by Satan’s principle of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and valuing personal interests above all else. For example, when the leader asked if I had looked into how the two newcomers were doing, I clearly forgot to follow up on them, which showed that I lacked a sense of burden and responsibility for the work, but instead of promptly reflecting on and correcting myself, I was only concerned about my pride and interests. I did what benefited me, and when something was disadvantageous to me, threatened my pride, or might lead to me being pruned, I chose to employ slippery tricks to protect myself, using apparent words to create false impressions to deceive and hoodwink people, preventing the leader from discovering my problems and understanding what was really going on with my duties. I saw that when I was living by these satanic poisons, I became increasingly slippery, deceitful, vile, and wicked, and lacking any human likeness.

I then read a passage of God’s words: “That God asks for people to be honest proves that He truly loathes and dislikes deceitful people. God’s dislike of deceitful people is a dislike of their way of doing things, their dispositions, their intents and their methods of trickery; God dislikes all of these things. If deceitful people are able to accept the truth, admit to their deceitful dispositions, and are willing to accept God’s salvation, then they too have a hope of being saved—for God treats all people equally, as does the truth. And so, if we wish to become people who please God, the first thing we must do is change our principles of comportment. No longer can we live according to satanic philosophies, no longer can we get by on lies and trickery. We must cast off all our lies and become honest people. Then God’s view of us will change. Previously, people always relied on lies, pretense, and trickery while living among others, and they took satanic philosophies as the basis of their existence, as their lives, and as their foundation in their self-conduct. This was something that God loathed. Among nonbelievers, if you speak frankly, tell the truth, and are an honest person, then you will be slandered, judged, and forsaken. So you follow worldly trends and live by satanic philosophies; you become more and more skilled at lying, and more and more deceitful. You also learn to use insidious means to achieve your goals and protect yourself. You become more and more prosperous in Satan’s world, and as a result, you fall deeper and deeper into sin until you cannot extricate yourself. In God’s house, things are precisely the opposite. The more you lie and play deceitful games, the more God’s chosen people will become sick of you and forsake you. If you refuse to repent and still cling to satanic philosophies and logic, if you use ploys and elaborate schemes to disguise and package yourself, then you are very likely to be revealed and eliminated. This is because God loathes deceitful people. Only honest people can prosper in God’s house, and deceitful people will eventually be forsaken and eliminated. All of this is preordained by God. Only honest people can have a share in the kingdom of heaven. If you do not try to be an honest person, and if you don’t experience and practice in the direction of pursuing the truth, if you don’t expose your own ugliness, and if you don’t lay yourself bare, then you will never be able to receive the Holy Spirit’s work and gain God’s approval” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). After reading God’s words, I saw that God’s disposition is holy and righteous. God loves honest people and loathes deceitful ones. If a person uses deceitful tactics to satisfy immediate interests rather than being honest, they will never receive God’s approval and they will be spurned and eliminated by Him. I recalled a sister who had been responsible for watering work. To protect her reputation and status, and preserve her image in the leader’s eyes, even though many of the newcomers’ problems clearly remained unresolved by her, she used deceit to hide this from everyone, and in her work report, she wrote that the newcomers’ issues had been resolved. As a result, God arranged circumstances to reveal the truth, using other sisters asking about details of how the newcomers were doing to expose the truth. Ultimately, this sister was dismissed for pursuing reputation and status rather than doing real work. I saw that God scrutinizes everything, and that no matter how much people try to cover up or disguise things, the truth will eventually be revealed. I realized this was how I was; I was clearly not doing real work, yet I tried to skirt around the issue and obscure it to hide the truth, preventing the leader from seeing my problems. My actions were essentially fraudulent and deceitful. Although I used what I thought were clever tactics to protect my pride and image, God scrutinizes everything, and such tricks and deceit had only caused God to loathe and hate me. Realizing this, I saw that I had put myself in danger and been foolish, and that if I didn’t repent and make amends myself quickly, I would ultimately be revealed and eliminated.

Later, when writing to the leader, I considered detailing how I had been deceitful and crooked, and how I had used equivocation and deceit, but as I typed a few words into the computer, I hesitated, thinking, “If I write this, it won’t just be a matter of not following up and being irresponsible, but also deceit and treachery, which is even worse. How would the leader view me if she found out about this? I might be pruned, so maybe it’s better to leave it out. After all, if I don’t say anything, the leader won’t find out, and I won’t have to endure these sufferings.” As I struggled inside, I thought of these words of God: “Only honest people can have a share in the kingdom of heaven” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “If people give up the truth for the sake of their interests, then they lose the life and God’s salvation; those people are the most foolish ones” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). I quickly sought out God’s words to read. Almighty God says: “God saves those who pursue the truth. If you do not accept the truth, and if you are incapable of reflecting upon and knowing your own corrupt disposition, then you will not truly repent, and you will have no life entry. Accepting the truth and knowing yourself is the path to growth in life and to attaining salvation, it is the chance for you to come before God to accept His scrutiny, judgment, and chastisement, and to gain the truth and life. If you give up on pursuing the truth for the sake of pursuing fame, gain, and status and your own interests, this is tantamount to giving up on the opportunity to accept God’s judgment and chastisement, and to attain salvation. You are choosing fame, gain, and status and your own interests, but what you are giving up is the truth, and what you are losing is the life, and the chance to be saved. Which means more? If you choose your own interests and give up on the truth, is this not foolish? To put it in vernacular terms, this is suffering a great loss for the sake of a small advantage. Fame, gain, status, money, and interests are all temporary, they are all ephemeral, whereas the truth and life are eternal and immutable. If people resolve the corrupt dispositions that cause them to pursue fame, gain, and status, then they have hope of attaining salvation. Moreover, the truths that people gain are eternal; Satan cannot take these truths away from people, nor can anyone else. You relinquish your interests but what you gain are the truth and salvation; these results are yours, and you gain them for yourself. If people choose to practice the truth, then even though they have lost their interests, they are gaining God’s salvation and eternal life. Those people are the smartest ones. If people give up the truth for the sake of their interests, then they lose the life and God’s salvation; those people are the most foolish ones. What a person chooses—their interests or the truth—is incredibly revealing. Those who love the truth will choose the truth; they will choose to submit to God and to follow Him. They would rather abandon their own interests to pursue the truth. No matter how much they have to suffer, they are determined to stand firm in their testimony to satisfy God. This is the fundamental path for practicing the truth and entering the truth reality” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). God’s words served as a reminder and gave me a path of practice. God’s righteous and holy disposition doesn’t tolerate offense. In God’s kingdom, those He wants are honest people, and He saves honest people. If I give up practicing the truth to protect my interests, it is equivalent to giving up the opportunity to gain the truth and be saved. Perhaps not practicing the truth once may not have severe consequences, but in the long run, if I always couldn’t forsake personal interests or rebel against the flesh when encountering things, then I wouldn’t have a good outcome or destination. If I could gradually forsake personal interests and rebel against the flesh to practice the truth, then I would get closer and closer to the standards of God’s requirements. I then read that God’s words say: “Supervising people, observing them, trying to understand them—this is all in order to help them enter the right track of faith in God, to enable them to do their duty as God asks and according to principle, to stop them from causing any disturbances or disruptions, and to stop them from doing futile work. The aim of doing this is entirely about showing responsibility toward them and toward the work of God’s house; there is no malice to it” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (7)). God’s words made me understand that practicing being an honest person allows others to see the corruption and shortcomings in my work, and for the leaders to better supervise and inspect my work, identify my problems, and provide timely guidance and help, so that I could be more cautious and responsible in treating my duties, which would be beneficial for me in doing my duties well. Realizing this, I suddenly felt brightened and prayed to God, “God, to protect my pride and status, I used deceit and disgusted You. This time, regardless of what the brothers and sisters think, I am willing to accept Your scrutiny, practice the truth, and be an honest person. Please guide me.” Afterward, I opened up about my state and revelation of corruption to the leader, and I felt somewhat relieved and liberated.

Later, the supervisor asked me to report on how the watering work had been going lately, and I suddenly felt very anxious. Over the last few days, because I had been busy with other tasks, I hadn’t provided detailed responses to the issues raised by some waterers. The leader had asked us to provide some good paths for the waterers, and I hadn’t implemented that either. If I reported this honestly to the supervisor, would she think I was procrastinating and not doing real work? Lying in bed at night, I couldn’t fall asleep, as I thought about how to protect my pride and image. I realized that I wanted to be deceitful again, and I also realized that this situation was God testing me, checking to see if I could accept His scrutiny and be an honest person. I thought of a passage of God’s words: “God asks people to be honest, to speak honestly and do honest things, and to not be deceitful. The significance of God saying this is to enable people to have true human likeness, and to not be like Satan, speaking like a snake slithering along the ground, always equivocating, and stopping other people from grasping the truth of the matter. That is, it is said so that people, in both word and deed, will live out the likeness of a human, and be dignified, upright, and decent, without harboring a dark side or any shameful things, and possessing clean hearts. It is said so that people will be the same on the outside as they are on the inside, saying whatever they think in their hearts, not cheating God or any other person, keeping nothing back, with hearts like a piece of pure land. This is what God asks, and it is God’s objective in requiring people to be honest” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Man Is the Greatest Beneficiary of God’s Management Plan). God’s words reminded me again that being an honest person means speaking and acting in an upright and open way, accepting God’s scrutiny over what has and hasn’t been done, and being simple and open with both God and people. Even if it leads to being pruned, I have to speak honestly, without using tricks or deceit to conceal the truth. Only comporting oneself sincerely like this is the proper likeness of an honest person. Later, I reported how the work was going to the supervisor in a truthful manner, then I fellowshipped to solve the issues of the waterers, and shared some good approaches for watering newcomers with everyone. Through practicing this way, I experienced firsthand that being an honest person who accepts God’s scrutiny and human supervision helps ensure that I approach my work with responsibility and diligence, which really protects me as I do my duties.

Having gone through this experience, I see that without the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, my deceitful and wicked disposition wouldn’t have changed at all. Only by encountering situations and accepting more of God’s scrutiny, letting go of personal interests, and consciously practicing being an honest person, was my corrupt disposition able to achieve gradual change.