By Chen Jie, China

Ever since accepting Almighty God’s work of the last days, I have always been passionate about preaching the gospel and doing my duty, rain or shine, without delay. Later, I was chosen as a church leader, and whenever I saw the brothers and sisters having issues or difficulties, I tried my best to help resolve them. After taking charge of video work, I worked overtime, following up on and guiding the work. When progress was slow or there were deviations, I promptly fellowshipped and resolved them. After a while, I saw that the brothers and sisters’ skills had improved, and that the video work showed some progress. I felt quite happy, thinking, “As long as I continue to endure hardships, pay a price, and get some results from my duty, I will surely receive God’s approval in the future and have great hope of salvation.” But just when I was fully engaged in my duty, one day, I felt extremely tired and had no appetite, but I didn’t pay much attention to this, thinking it was probably just because I hadn’t gotten enough rest lately, and I assumed it wouldn’t be a serious issue. However, my appetite continued to decline, and my face looked haggard. Brother Guan Ming, who was cooperating with me, advised me to go to the hospital for a check-up. To my surprise, the doctor said I had Hepatitis B, and that there was a small hard lump in my liver, and that if it continued to worsen, it could turn into liver cancer. My head started buzzing, “It can’t be! I’m doing my duty; how can I get such an illness? This disease isn’t easy to treat …” I felt like there was a stone pressing down on my chest, and my heart was filled with pain and weakness. I thought of how, over the years, I had forsaken my family and career, endured suffering, and expended myself. Even when hunted and persecuted by the Communist Party, I hadn’t betrayed God. So why hadn’t God protected me? In my suffering, I thought of a hymn of God’s words: “When sickness befalls, this is God’s love, and surely His goodwill is harbored within. Though your body may undergo a bit of suffering, entertain no ideas from Satan. Praise God in the midst of illness and enjoy God in the midst of your praise. Do not lose heart in the face of illness, keep seeking again and again and do not give up, and God will illuminate and enlighten you” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). God’s words brought some peace to my heart. Yes, whether or not this illness would worsen was in God’s hands, and although I didn’t understand God’s intentions at this moment, I couldn’t complain against God. I had to seek His intentions, persist in my duty, and stand firm in my testimony. Thinking of this, I felt a little better.

Going forward, considering the busy video work, the leaders were concerned that my body might not handle it, so they arranged for Brother Li Cheng and me to cooperate in preaching the gospel. While receiving treatment, I persevered in doing my duty, and whenever we encountered difficulties in our work, we would fellowship and seek the relevant truths to resolve them. Although I endured some physical hardships and paid something of a price, seeing more and more people accepting God’s work of the last days made me very happy, and I thought, “As long as I persist in my duty and suffer more hardships and pay more of a price, perhaps God will protect me and my condition will improve.” But after some time, I felt my condition worsening. I felt tired every day, weak all over, and my appetite diminished further, so I went for another check-up. The doctor said my Hepatitis B had worsened, and that I needed to be hospitalized for treatment right away; otherwise, it would continue progressing and become difficult to treat. Since I was being hunted by the Communist Party, hospitalization would expose my identity and put me in danger, so I had to rely on medication and intravenous treatment, but my condition still didn’t improve much. Over time, I became pretty weak, and I thought, “This Hepatitis B has already flared up again several times; if it worsens any further and turns into cirrhosis or liver cancer, my life could be in danger at any moment. If I were to die like this, could I still be saved? Surely this can’t be how my life of faith in God ends?” At this thought, I felt weak and limp all over, and puzzlement and complaint welled up within me all at once: “Ever since I started believing in God, I have been enthusiastic in my duty and in preaching the gospel. Come wind or rain, scorching heat or biting cold, and regardless of being hunted and persecuted by the Communist Party and being unable to return home, I have never delayed my duty. Even during these years of illness, I have persevered in my duty the entire time, never throwing in the towel, and though I may not have achieved merit, I have suffered and toiled. Why has my illness not only failed to improve, but actually worsened?” I saw the brothers and sisters in good health and actively doing their duties, while I was afflicted with a serious illness. The more I thought about it, the more I felt a sense of grievance; barely holding back tears, I returned to the host home. I felt really pained and negative, with no motivation to do my duty. At this moment, Brother Li Cheng reminded me, “When faced with illness, we should seek God’s intentions and not misunderstand or complain against Him.” Brother Li Cheng’s words helped me to calm down. Everything that happens is allowed by God, and I had to start by submitting to seek the truth and reflect on myself. So I prayed to God and sought, hoping that He would lead me to understand His intentions.

Later, I read some of God’s words: “Some people think that believing in God should bring peace and joy, and that if they encounter situations, they only need to pray to God and God will lend His ear, grant them grace and blessings, and ensure everything goes peacefully and smoothly for them. Their purpose in believing in God is to seek grace, gain blessings, and enjoy peace and happiness. It is because of these views that they forsake their families or quit their jobs to expend themselves for God and can endure hardship and pay a price. They believe that as long as they forsake things, expend themselves for God, endure hardship, and work diligently, displaying exceptional behavior, they will gain God’s blessings and favor, and that no matter what difficulties they encounter, as long as they pray to God, He will resolve them and open up a path for them in everything. This is the viewpoint held by the majority of people who believe in God. People feel that this viewpoint is legitimate and correct. Many people’s ability to maintain their faith in God for years without giving up their faith is directly related to this viewpoint. They think, ‘I have expended so much for God, my behavior has been so good, and I haven’t done any evil deeds; God will surely bless me. Because I have suffered a lot and paid a great price for every task, doing everything according to God’s words and requirements without making any mistakes, God should bless me; He should ensure everything goes smoothly for me, and that I often have peace and joy in my heart, and enjoy God’s presence.’ Isn’t this a human notion and imagining? From a human perspective, people enjoy God’s grace and receive benefits, so it makes sense to have to suffer a bit for this, and it’s worthwhile to exchange this suffering for God’s blessings. This is a mentality of making deals with God. However, from the perspective of the truth and from God’s perspective, this fundamentally does not conform to the principles of God’s work nor the standards God requires of people. It is entirely wishful thinking, purely a human notion and imagining about believing in God. Whether it involves making deals with or demanding things from God, or contains human notions and imaginings, in any case, none of it aligns with God’s requirements, nor does it meet God’s principles and standards for blessing people. In particular, this transactional thought and viewpoint offends God’s disposition, but people do not realize it. When what God does doesn’t align with people’s notions, they quickly develop complaints and misunderstandings about Him in their hearts. They even feel wronged and then begin to reason with God, and they may even judge and condemn Him. … When God arranges an environment for people that completely contradicts their notions and imaginings, they form notions, judgments, and condemnations against God in their hearts, and may even deny Him. Can God then satisfy their needs? Absolutely not. God will never change His way of working and His desires according to human notions. Who is it that needs to change then? It is people. People need to let go of their notions, accept, submit to, and experience the environments arranged by God, and seek the truth to resolve their own notions, instead of measuring what God does against their notions to see if it is correct. When people insist on holding onto their notions, they develop resistance against God—this happens naturally. Where does the root of resistance lie? It lies in the fact that what people usually possess in their hearts are without a doubt their notions and imaginings and not the truth. Therefore, when faced with God’s work not aligning with human notions, people can defy God and make judgments against Him” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (16)). “To them, there is no goal more legitimate than believing in God to receive blessings—it is the very value of their faith. If something does not contribute to this aim, they remain completely unmoved by it. This is the case with most people who believe in God today. Their aim and intention seem legitimate, because as they believe in God, they also expend for God, dedicate themselves to God, and perform their duty. They give up their youth, forsake family and career, and even spend years away from home busying themselves. For the sake of their ultimate goal, they change their own interests, their outlook on life, and even the direction they seek; yet they cannot change the aim of their belief in God. … Apart from the benefits that are so closely associated with them, could there be any other reasons why people who never understand God would give so much for Him? In this, we discover a previously unidentified problem: Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is the relationship between an employee and an employer. The employee works hard only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such an interests-based relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only helpless suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). God’s words of judgment exposed in great detail the wrong intentions and viewpoints behind my faith in Him, leaving me feeling humiliated and ashamed. I’d always believed that by paying more of a price and expending myself more, I would be able to receive God’s protection and blessings, and my hope of salvation would be greater. When I’d been suddenly diagnosed with Hepatitis B, I had developed complaints about God in my heart, thinking that I had suffered and expended myself for Him all these years, and that God shouldn’t have allowed me to be afflicted by such a serious illness. Although I had eventually submitted, I had still thought that as long as I persevered in my duty and endured more suffering and paid more of a price, perhaps God would protect me and my condition would improve. But when my condition had worsened, and I had even faced the possibility of cancer and death, I had thought that my desire for blessings had been shattered. So I had become negative and developed misunderstanding, arguing with God in my heart, believing that although I had no merits, I had suffered and toiled, and that God shouldn’t treat me this way; I had even complained against God for not protecting me. In the revelation of the facts, I saw that my efforts and expenditures had been driven by a despicable intention, in that I had wanted to use my hard work, sacrifices, and expenditures as capital in exchange for a good future and destination, which was making a transaction with God. As soon as I had failed to receive blessings, I had misunderstood and complained against God. What I was revealing was all my satanic disposition. God is the Creator, and no matter how God orchestrates and arranges things, I have no reason to make demands on Him, and I should submit to His arrangements. But I had constantly wanted God to act according to my notions, and when things didn’t align with my notions, I had argued with Him. I had freely enjoyed so much watering and sustenance from God’s words, yet I hadn’t repaid God’s love, instead I had even misunderstood and complained against Him. How could I be a person who truly believed in God?

Later, I read another passage of God’s words, and I gained some understanding of the root of my transaction with God. Almighty God says: “All corrupt humans live for themselves. Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost—this is the summation of human nature. People believe in God for their own sake; when they forsake things and expend themselves for God, it is in order to be blessed, and when they are loyal to Him, it is still in order to be rewarded. In sum, it is all done for the purpose of being blessed, rewarded, and entering the kingdom of heaven. In society, people work for their own benefit, and in the house of God, they do a duty in order to be blessed. It is for the sake of gaining blessings that people forsake everything and can endure much suffering. There is no better evidence of man’s satanic nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From the exposure of God’s words, I understood that because the satanic views of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and “Never lift a finger without a reward” had taken root in my heart, and had become the foundation of my existence, everything I had done was for my own benefit. And even my sacrifices and expending of myself had been to gain blessings and be protected from death when disaster strikes. Over these years of doing my duty, no matter how much physical hardships I endured, or what price I had to pay, as long as I believed it benefited me in terms of blessings and salvation, I would be willing to endure any amount of suffering. But as my illness had worsened and the desire for blessings had been shattered, I had lost the motivation to do my duty, and had even argued with and complained to God in my heart. In everything I’d done I had put personal gain first, treating my duty as a bargaining chip to exchange for rewards and blessings, even thinking this was entirely justified. Living by these satanic poisons, I had lost my conscience and reason, and had complained and rebelled against God. If I didn’t repent, I’d be spurned and eliminated by God sooner or later. This thought made me both fearful and regretful. Someone as selfish and despicable as I had been, with an unchanged disposition, still had the deluded hope for blessings. How shameless! God’s disposition is righteous and holy. No matter how much work one does, or how much hardship one suffers, or how much one pays a price, if there is no change in disposition, it is all in vain. God won’t make an exception and bring us into His kingdom because we have suffered more hardships. God says: “You must know what kind of people I desire; those who are impure are not permitted to enter into the kingdom, those who are impure are not permitted to besmirch the holy ground. Though you may have done much work, and worked for many years, in the end if you are still deplorably filthy, then it will be intolerable to the law of Heaven that you wish to enter My kingdom! From the foundation of the world until today, never have I offered easy access to My kingdom to those who curry favor with Me. This is a heavenly rule, and no one can break it! You must seek life. Today, those who will be made perfect are the same kind as Peter: They are those who seek changes in their own disposition, and who are willing to bear testimony to God and fulfill their duty as a created being. Only people such as this will be made perfect. If you only look to rewards, and do not seek to change your own life disposition, then all your efforts will be in vain—this is an unalterable truth!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). God doesn’t measure people by their apparent expenditure or suffering, but by the path they take, whether they have gained the truth, and if their corrupt disposition has changed. Although I had believed in God for many years, I was only focused on laboring and working, and wasn’t pursuing the truth, my corrupt disposition hadn’t changed, and I still tried to bargain with God to gain blessings. How could someone as selfish and despicable as me be worthy of salvation? I thought of Paul. He preached the gospel, did much work, and suffered greatly, but his suffering and labor weren’t to practice God’s words, nor to do the duty of a created being, but to gain blessings and a crown. Just as he said, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7–8). What he meant was that if God didn’t give him a crown or rewards, then this meant God was unrighteous. This was a blatant demand for a crown from God, which was an attempt to coerce God. Though Paul labored, suffered, and expended himself, he didn’t pursue the truth, only sought blessings, and walked a path of resisting God. Ultimately, he was punished by God. If I continued down Paul’s path, I too would eventually be eliminated by God. I could no longer make demands or requests of God, nor live selfishly and despicably for myself. Regardless of how my condition may develop, I became willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words that provided me with a path. God says: “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. Receiving blessings refers to when someone is made perfect and enjoys God’s blessings after experiencing judgment. Suffering misfortune refers to when someone’s disposition does not change after they have experienced chastisement and judgment; they do not experience being made perfect but are punished. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to act for fear of suffering misfortune. Let Me tell you this one thing: Man’s performance of his duty is what he ought to do, and if he is incapable of performing his duty, then this is his rebelliousness” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). From God’s words, I understood that doing one’s duty is unrelated to gaining blessings or suffering misfortune. God gave me life and everything I have, and it is only natural and right to expend myself for God as a believer. This is the responsibility and duty that a person should fulfill, and it is what a person with a bit of conscience and reason should do. I shouldn’t use my expenditure as a bargaining chip to demand blessings from God, nor should I complain against God for my serious illness. Just like Job, regardless of whether God bestowed things upon him or deprived him of things, even when he lost everything and was afflicted with sores, he didn’t complain against God or ask Him to lessen his suffering, instead, he praised God’s name and stood firm in his testimony for Him. Reflecting on Job’s experience, I found a path of practice. No matter how long my illness would last or how severe it would become, even if my life would be endangered, I should submit to God and stand firm in my testimony for Him. This is the conscience and reason I should have. Later, whenever I had thoughts of gaining blessings, I prayed to God to rebel against those desires, and I focused on experiencing God’s words and practicing the truth each day, and in doing so, my heart became much more at ease.

Later, through medication, my condition gradually improved, and I was very happy. But after a while, I felt fatigued and weak again, so I went to the hospital for an examination. The doctor said that the level of Hepatitis B virus in my body had increased to over 100 million, and that several other liver function indicators were also high. He said that if this continued to develop, it could be problematic. Hearing this, I felt a bit nervous and worried, thinking, “This illness has relapsed several times; could it really deteriorate into cancer? Will my illness ever be cured?” These thoughts made me feel a bit down. I then realized that my state wasn’t right, so I prayed to God. I read a passage of God’s words: “Since you believe in and follow God, you should offer everything to Him, and should not make personal choices or demands, and you should achieve the satisfaction of God’s intentions. Since you were created, you should submit to the Lord that created you, for you are inherently without dominion over yourself, and have no ability to control your own destiny. … As a created being, man should seek to fulfill the duty of a created being, and seek to love God without making other choices, for God is worthy of man’s love. Those who seek to love God should not seek any personal benefits or seek that which they personally long for; this is the most correct means of pursuit” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). From God’s words, I understood God’s intentions, and realized that life and death are in God’s hands. I couldn’t make unreasonable demands of God anymore, and regardless of whether my illness were to worsen, even if it meant dying or having no final outcome or destination, I would still submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. With this in mind, I was no longer constrained by the state of my illness, continued to do my duty as usual, and I felt quite liberated. Later, I continued with traditional Chinese medicine, and I felt that the condition gradually improved. After the final check-up, several liver function indicators had pretty much returned to normal.

Through this experience of being revealed by this illness, although I suffered somewhat, I am very grateful to God. Without this environment, I wouldn’t have known myself, and would have continued to think I was sincerely expending myself for God. But now I see clearly my mistaken views of seeking blessings through believing in God, and I gained some understanding of my selfish, despicable, and profit-driven satanic disposition. These are the gains I obtained by facing this illness.