By Mengfan, China

My parents passed away when I was still young. There were a lot of us siblings at home, we were very poor, and the neighbors all looked down on us. Sometimes, when I went to play with the neighbor’s children, the neighbors would find an excuse to kick me out. I felt very sad and thought that people looked down on us because we were poor. One spring, when the weather was getting warm, I didn’t have any seasonal clothes to change into, so I kept wearing a cotton jacket and pants with the stuffing coming out. When I walked around in public, people would point at me, saying, “Look at this poor motherless child!” I felt so envious to see others eating well and dressed nicely, and I thought, “When I grow up, I’m going to make a lot of money, so I can eat and wear whatever I want and never be looked down on again.” Later, I got married, but my husband’s family was also poor. Relatives and neighbors looked down on us, but I thought, “As long as we work hard, we can definitely change our situation and get rich.” My husband and I worked temp jobs, had small businesses, and traded in agricultural products. No matter what it was, if we heard about a way to make money, we would try it. But after a few years, we could still only just scrape together enough to survive and didn’t have much money saved up. Once, during a meal with friends, one of them mocked us, “It’s not that I look down on you, but even if you work for another ten years, you won’t be able to live like I do now!” His words made me so angry. It felt like I’d been slapped and my face burned. I thought, “You shut your mouth. As it is said, ‘Poverty has no root, nor wealth a seed.’ Wealth and poverty aren’t set in stone, and so long as we work hard, we won’t be poor forever!” I said to my husband, “We can’t let this get us down, we’ve got to outdo him and have him admit he was wrong.”

Later, we borrowed money to start a general goods wholesale business. To satisfy our customers, we delivered goods to their doors, and my husband and I would haul goods and go selling door to door. To get customers, we would sell to them at low prices or on credit. Some customers said unkind things, but to make money, we just had to keep smiling. I was working at least ten hours a day, and during the day, I would be so tired that I couldn’t help but doze off, but even so, I didn’t allow myself to rest. As business improved, we expanded our operations. To save costs, we didn’t hire any help, and we did all the loading and unloading ourselves. By the end of each day, we’d be so exhausted that we wouldn’t even have the energy to talk. After several years of this, we finally earned some money, paid off our loans, and bought a delivery car. We even built a house and became somewhat famous in our area. Relatives and friends admired us and praised us for being so capable and competent. All this praise from friends and relatives made me feel proud, and I’d think, “The days of people looking down on me are finally over, and now I can hold my head high in front of others. It’s great to have money! While I’m still young and fit to work, I want to make even more money, buy a better house and car, and live a superior life that will make people admire me more!” After that, I worked even harder, and I was so busy that I didn’t even have time for regular meals. When I lay in bed at night, my mind would still be running through business matters, and sometimes I’d spend the whole night unable to sleep, with even sleeping pills unable to help. Before the sun was even up, I’d get calls for deliveries, and I’d rush out to make them. I was on edge every day. Because some of the goods were flammable, sometimes when I was sleeping at night and car headlights shined into the house, I’d think a fire had broken out, jumping up and rushing outside to check if there was a fire. My nerves were constantly on edge, and living like this was exhausting. But when I saw how much money I’d made, I’d feel happy, and think about how I wanted to make even more money to shame those who had looked down on me.

One day, when my husband wasn’t home, I unloaded a large truckload of goods by myself, and that night, my back hurt badly while I slept. The next morning, my back hurt so much that I couldn’t bend over, and it was difficult to even walk. I went to the hospital, and the doctor diagnosed me with a herniated disc. He said I needed to rest and couldn’t do heavy work anymore, and that if I strained it again, it could worsen and possibly lead to paralysis. The doctor’s words terrified me. I thought about handing the business over to my husband and resting for a while, but then I remembered how careless my husband was. He didn’t care about the purchase prices or retail prices of the store’s products, and without me, the store couldn’t function. The business was doing so well that missing even one day meant losing a lot of money. I thought I’d keep going as long as I could, and I’d stop when I finally collapsed. So, I continued working while fitting in treatments whenever I could. Later, I developed heart disease, uterine fibroids, allergic rhinitis, and neurasthenia. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep all night, I became very irritable, everyone and everything around me annoyed me, and I’d often lash out. Even though I had money, the torment of illness made me feel like life wasn’t worth living. One memory that really stands out is from the eve of a Spring Festival, when it was already very late. The shops along the street were all closed, and I was the only one left on the whole street. I saw a large pile of goods in front of the store that needed to be moved inside, but I was so exhausted that I didn’t even have the strength to walk. I felt a wave of loneliness and desolation, and the feeling of how hard and tiring this life was pressed down upon me. With tears in my eyes, I looked to the sky and cried out, “Oh, Heaven! I’m so tired of living this way. Is life really just about making money? What is the true purpose of life?”

While I was struggling in this pain and confusion, in the spring of 2014, my daughter, who had just accepted God’s work of the last days, preached Almighty God’s gospel of the last days to me. At that time, I read a passage of God’s words that deeply touched my heart. Almighty God says: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He feels averse toward these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return. He has been watching with desperate longing, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching and waiting are beyond any price, and they are for the sake of the human heart and the human spirit. Perhaps this watching and waiting are indefinite, and perhaps they are at an end. But you should know exactly where your heart and your spirit are right now” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Sighing of the Almighty). After reading God’s words, I was deeply moved, and I couldn’t help but cry. It turned out that God had always been by my side, waiting for me to return. I had exhausted myself and made myself sick in the pursuit of money. I spent my days on edge, and my life felt so painful and empty. God used my daughter to preach the gospel to me, allowing me to hear God’s voice and return to God’s house. At that moment, I felt as if I had returned to my parents’ side and my heart was filled with peace, ease, and a sense of having someone to rely on.

After finding God, my mental state improved more and more, and gradually, my heart rate returned to normal. My allergic rhinitis also improved, and I was able to sleep at night. I knew that God had taken away my illness, and my heart was filled with gratitude to God. Later, I took on the duty of watering newcomers in the church. In this way, I was doing my duty alongside managing my business, but most of the time, my heart was still focused on my business, and I thought this was fine so long as it didn’t hold up gatherings with the newcomers. Sometimes, on the night before a gathering, customers would come to pick up goods, and to sell more, I would keep showing them more products. By the time I’d get home, it’d already be very late, I’d be so tired that my whole body would ache, and I would fall asleep while on my knees praying. Because I hadn’t rested well, I’d feel drowsy at the gatherings with the newcomers the next day. At that time, a sister I was watering was also busy with her business. She would always be late to gatherings, but I’d only talk about words and doctrines with her and not resolve her state. Sometimes, during gatherings, I would think about hurrying home to deliver goods to customers, worried that if I delivered something late, the customers wouldn’t want it anymore. My heart couldn’t settle down, and I’d just want the gatherings to end quickly. Another time, my husband went out of town to purchase goods, and he was gone for several days. During those days, I had to water the newcomers, and if I went out to do my duty, the store would have to close. I’d think, “I can make over a thousand yuan a day. How much money would I lose if I closed the store for several days?” So, I deceitfully told the leader, “If I keep the store closed, the neighbors will start to suspect that I believe in God, and that could cause a security risk.” So I had the leader host gatherings for the newcomers in my place. One evening, after dinner, I suddenly felt dizzy and a discomfort in my stomach, causing me to vomit up all the food I’d just eaten. At first, I thought it might have been something I ate, but after vomiting, the dizziness worsened. My husband took me to the hospital, and I kept praying to God in my heart, “God, You have allowed this illness to come upon me today. Please enlighten me so that I can understand Your intention and see where I have gone wrong. I am willing to repent.”

In my seeking, I thought of a passage from God’s words: “If I were to place some money in front of you right now and give you the freedom to choose—and if I did not condemn you for your choice—then most of you would choose the money and forsake the truth. The better among you would give up the money and choose the truth reluctantly, while those in-between would seize the money in one hand and the truth in the other. Would your true colors thus not become self-evident? When choosing between the truth and anything to which you are loyal, you would all make this choice, and your attitude would remain the same. Is that not so? Are there not many among you who have seesawed between right and wrong? In contests between positive and negative, black and white, you are surely aware of the choices that you have made between family and God, children and God, peace and disruption, riches and poverty, status and ordinariness, being supported and being cast aside, and so on. Between a peaceful family and a broken one, you chose the former, and you did so without any hesitation; between riches and duty, you again chose the former, even lacking the will to return to shore; between luxury and poverty, you chose the former; when choosing between your sons, daughters, wives and husbands, and Me, you chose the former; and between notion and truth, you once again chose the former. Faced with all manner of your evil deeds, I have simply lost faith in you. It simply astounds Me that your hearts are so resistant to being softened. Many years of dedication and effort have apparently brought Me nothing more than your abandonment and resignation, but My hopes for you grow with each passing day, for My day has been completely laid bare before everyone. Yet you persist in seeking dark and evil things, and refuse to loosen your grip on them. What, then, will be your outcome? Have you ever given careful consideration to this? If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it still be the former? Would you still bring Me disappointment and wretched sorrow? Would your hearts still possess the sole modicum of warmth? Would you still be unaware of what to do to comfort My heart? At this moment, what do you choose?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Whom Are You Loyal?). Reflecting on God’s words and thinking about my behavior, was I not exactly the person God spoke of, trying to seize money in one hand and the truth in the other? Although I believed in God and did my duty, my mind was still preoccupied with the business every day, and I’d always be thinking about how to make more money. I was spending all my time pursuing money and rarely eating or drinking God’s words. I treated my duty as something to do in my spare time, and when I did it, I did so perfunctorily, just going through the motions. That I was able to train in my duty of watering newcomers was God’s elevation of me, and I should seriously consider how to do my duty well, and how to resolve the states and difficulties of my brothers and sisters. However, I hadn’t regarded my duty as my responsibility, and my mind was only focused on how to make more money. I’d stay up late every day for my business, which made me sleepy during the gatherings with the newcomers the next day, and I’d just fellowship words and doctrines. Although I had time during gatherings to fellowship more with the brothers and sisters, I was afraid if the gatherings ended late, it would delay my selling things, so I ended the gatherings hastily. To make more money, I even lied to the leader, asking them to stand in for me as host at gatherings with the newcomers. Before finding God, I busied myself every day for money, exhausting myself and making myself sick. I was tormented and in unbearable pain, to the point where I even lost the courage to live. It was God who saved me and let me hear His voice, and I should be grateful for God’s salvation and seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do my duty well to satisfy God. But my mind was still filled with thoughts of how to earn more money, and whenever my duty conflicted with my personal interests, I’d always put my duty aside. I’d been truly selfish and despicable, and lacking in humanity! God says: “If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it still be the former?” I used to focus solely on pursuing money and didn’t do my duty well, but God gave me another chance to choose. I was willing to rely on God, put the pursuit of money aside, eat and drink more of God’s words, pursue the truth, and devote my heart to my duty.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “People spend their lives chasing after money and fame; they clutch at these straws, thinking they are their only means of support, as if by having them they could live on, exempt from death. But only when they are about to die do they realize how distant these things are from them, how weak they are in the face of death, how easily they shatter, how lonely and helpless they are, with nowhere to turn. They realize that life cannot be bought with money or fame, that no matter how wealthy a person may be, no matter how lofty their position, all are equally poor and insignificant in the face of death. They realize that money cannot buy life, that fame cannot erase death, that neither money nor fame can lengthen a person’s life by a single minute, a single second” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). God’s words touched my heart. I worked recklessly to make money just to be admired by others, believing that earning money would give me everything. But when the suffering of illness came, money did nothing to alleviate my pain. Only then did I realize, “If I lose my life, what good will earning more money do? If I die, what good will people’s fleeting admiration and praise be?” I thought about my two wealthy neighbors. One got leukemia in her thirties, and despite spending a lot of money, she still couldn’t be cured. In the end, she left behind two young children and passed away. Another neighbor, in his forties, had a cerebral hemorrhage, fell into a vegetative state, and died not long after. Seeing this, I realized that no amount of money can extend a person’s life, and I knew I couldn’t risk my life just to make money. Afterward, I started focusing on my duty. Outside of my duties, I practiced quieting myself before God, eating and drinking His words, and equipping myself with the truth. Gradually, the results of my duty improved, and I also found great enjoyment in living church life with everyone.

One day, after finishing my duty, I returned to the shop, my husband handed me the sales slip, and I noticed a few items weren’t accounted for. When I checked with the customer, I realized my husband had under-recorded several items. There was also an invoice where he should have charged 500 yuan but only wrote down 50 yuan. I thought, “I always knew my husband was careless, often undercharging and giving away extra goods, and with customers coming to buy goods every day, at this rate, no amount of money is going to cover our losses. It seems the shop really can’t function without me.” I found it hard to set this matter aside. At that moment, I realized I was focusing on money once again, so I pondered, “I know that how much money a person has is predestined by God, so why do I always have such trouble setting aside the pursuit of money?” I read that God’s words say: “‘Money makes the world go round’ is a philosophy of Satan. It prevails among the whole of mankind, in every human society; you could say it is a trend. This is because it has been instilled in the heart of every single person, who at first did not accept this saying, but then gave it tacit acceptance when they came into contact with real life, and began to feel that these words were in fact true. Is this not a process of Satan corrupting man? Perhaps people do not understand this saying to the same degree, but everyone has different degrees of interpretation and acknowledgment of this saying based on things that have happened around them and on their own personal experiences. Is that not the case? Regardless of how much experience someone has with this saying, what is the negative effect that it can have on someone’s heart? Something is revealed through the human disposition of the people in this world, including each and every one of you. What is it? It is the worship of money. Is it hard to remove this from someone’s heart? It is very hard! It seems that Satan’s corruption of man is deep indeed! Satan uses money to tempt people, and corrupts them into worshiping money and venerating material things. And how is this worship of money manifested in people? Do you feel that you could not survive in this world without any money, that even one day without money would be impossible? People’s status is based on how much money they have, as is the respect they command. The backs of the poor are bent in shame, while the rich enjoy their high status. They stand tall and proud, speaking loudly and living arrogantly. What does this saying and trend bring to people? Is it not true that many people make any sacrifice in the pursuit of money? Do many people not lose their dignity and integrity in the pursuit of more money? Do many people not lose the opportunity to perform their duty and follow God for the sake of money? Is losing the chance to gain the truth and be saved not the greatest of all losses for people? Is Satan not sinister to use this method and this saying to corrupt man to such a degree?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique V). After reading God’s words, I realized that seeking wealth to gain admiration isn’t a positive thing, and that this is a method Satan uses to corrupt people. People live for money, and once they have some, they want more. Their desire for wealth only grows, and in the end, they die for money, losing their opportunity to pursue the truth and be saved. When I was young, our family was poor, and those around us mocked us, so I felt inferior to others. When I grew up and still couldn’t earn money, friends and relatives looked down on me, and I felt even more strongly that without money, life was unbearable. So I made earning money my life goal. I lived by the poisons “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing,” “Money makes the world go round,” “Man dies for wealth as birds do for food,” and other such poisons that Satan inculcates into people. As long as I could make money, I was willing to suffer any hardship, and even when I was on the verge of paralysis from a herniated disc, I didn’t rest. I worried that not working meant earning less money, so I kept pushing myself, as if I was riding a bike and I wouldn’t stop until it fell over. In the end, my illness caused me so much pain that I didn’t want to live. Even after finding God, I continued to live by these satanic poisons. Although I was doing my duties, my heart was still focused on how to make more money, and I was just going through the motions and whiling away time in gatherings. This caused my brothers’ and sisters’ life entry to suffer losses, and I made no progress. Living by Satan’s poisons only brought me pain and transgressions in doing my duties. The pursuit of wealth to earn admiration is how Satan controls people and leads them to destruction. I didn’t want to be tempted by Satan anymore, wasting my time chasing wealth. I had to focus my energy on eating and drinking God’s words and doing my duties. After that, I focused less on the business, visited the shop less frequently, and I felt much more relaxed both physically and mentally. Later, I read more of God’s words: “As someone who is normal, and who pursues the love for God, entry into the kingdom to become one of the people of God is your true future, and a life that is of the utmost value and significance; no one is more blessed than you. Why do I say this? Because those who do not believe in God live for the flesh, and they live for Satan, but today you live for God, and live to follow the will of God. That is why I say your lives are of the utmost significance” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Know God’s Newest Work and Follow His Footsteps). Before, I was living for flesh and money, pursuing admiration from others, and walking a path to destruction. Now I was able to follow God, pursue the truth, and fulfill my duty as a created being. This is the most valuable and meaningful life. I must focus my thoughts on the pursuit of the truth and on my duties, and I must do my duties well to repay God’s love.

One day, my husband came home and told me a hypermarket had opened in our area, and that the marketing department wanted to start by attracting big merchants to drive business. They were offering very favorable terms to big merchants like us, granting us three years of free rent and free warehouse space. My husband discussed the matter with me, wanting to stock goods for me to sell there, saying it was a guaranteed profit. I was a bit tempted, thinking, “Isn’t this a golden opportunity falling into our laps? We’re paying tens of thousands of yuan in rent each year now. If we did wholesale and retail in this new market, our business would surely thrive, and once we earn more, we can buy a better house and a nicer car. This will make our relatives and friends admire and envy us even more!” But if I agreed, my husband and I would have to manage separate stores, and although we’d make a lot more money, we’d certainly be busier and more exhausted than before. I thought of a passage of God’s words: “In every step of work that God does on people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a wager with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men and the disturbance of men. Behind every step of work that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). Reflecting on God’s words, I realized, “Isn’t this exactly a temptation from Satan? If we open another store, we might earn more money and enhance our reputation, but then I wouldn’t have time to eat and drink God’s words or do my duties. Wouldn’t this ruin my chance to be saved?” I thought of what the Lord Jesus said: “What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). This was absolutely right. No matter how much money I made, what use was it if I ended up losing my life? God had already blessed me enough, so I couldn’t keep putting all my time and energy into making money. Understanding God’s intention, I persuaded my husband to abandon the idea of opening a store in the new market. To my surprise, he agreed, and I felt a deep sense of ease in my heart. My being freed from the bonds of money is the result of God’s words working in me!