By Yang Fu, China

One day, I received a letter from a brother saying he had some problems in his duties and didn’t know what to do, so he wanted to ask for my opinion. After I read the letter, I couldn’t help but appreciate myself. I thought to myself, “It’s been almost two years since I left that church, but my brothers and sisters still ask me when they encounter problems they can’t solve. I guess I do have some truth realities and understand more than they do.” I recalled how, during my duty as a leader at that church, although I hadn’t believed in God for long, when my brothers and sisters had problems or difficulties, I was able to find corresponding passages of God’s word to help them. Most of them were willing to come to me to seek and fellowship when they had trouble, and they approved of how I did my duty as leader. That my brother sought my opinion when he had problems and feared practicing incorrectly was reasonable, because his stature was small. Thinking about that made me very happy, and I couldn’t help but smile proudly. Brother Wang happened to notice the smile and said, “What makes you so happy that you’re smiling like that?” So I told him about the letter from my brother, and also told him how I wanted to reply. I thought he would approve, but unexpectedly, he said to me very seriously, “Your brothers and sisters at that church think very highly of you! Since I’ve known you, I’ve noticed everyone at that church is very dependent on you. They come to you for everything, ask for your opinion, and you especially enjoy having their support, and you agree to any request. Have you considered the nature and consequences of doing your duty this way? Instead of reflecting on yourself and fellowshipping with your brothers and sisters on how to pray and rely on God or telling them how to seek the truth principles when they are faced with difficulties, you give your brothers and sisters your solutions so that they look up to you, worship you, and have no place for God in their hearts. You are on the path of an antichrist!” Brother Wang’s words were like a heavy blow. I was stunned. What he said felt especially sharp and piercing. At the moment, I couldn’t accept it. My heart was in turmoil. I thought, “It can’t be that bad. I am doing my duty to solve the problems and difficulties for my brothers and sisters, and I have achieved some results in this regard. Work at that church originally wasn’t very effective. After I began my duty as leader, most of the brothers and sisters who weren’t doing their duties began doing so, we gradually gained some people through preaching the gospel, and every aspect of work improved. Besides, I didn’t go against the work arrangements and do something else, nor did I attempt to establish my own kingdom. How could he say I’m walking the path of an antichrist? Helping my brothers and sisters of smaller stature solve problems in their duties ought to be a good deed. And yet he says I am exalting myself and walking the path of an antichrist; isn’t this blowing things out of proportion and mischaracterizing me?” The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I felt. I couldn’t accept what Brother Wang told me. At the time, I thought of how in the past, when I couldn’t accept pruning, I only ended up humiliating myself. I also thought of this passage of God’s word: “When confronting real-life problems, how should you know and understand God’s authority and His sovereignty? When you are faced with these problems and do not know how to understand, handle, and experience them, what attitude should you adopt to demonstrate your intention to submit, your desire to submit, and the reality of your submission to God’s sovereignty and arrangements? First you must learn to wait; then you must learn to seek; then you must learn to submit” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). I realized this pruning for me contained God’s intention. Regardless of whether I understood, I had to accept and obey. If what Brother Wang said was true, that I was putting myself on show, and as a result, my brothers and sisters were esteeming and worshiping me instead of relying on God and seeking the truth principles, and I was walking the path of an antichrist, then this was very dangerous. When I thought of that, I no longer resisted in my heart. I prayed to God and accepted it. I told Brother Wang, “Although I haven’t yet realized just how serious my problem is, since you’ve pointed it out, I will seek on the matter.” After that, I began to calm down and reflect on my actions.

I recalled that shortly after I started believing in God, I saw how the brothers and sisters were so happy when leaders and workers fellowshipped on the truth to resolve their problems or difficulties, and how they wanted to attend such gatherings and to ask for solutions. I was very envious, and I hoped I could become like those leaders and workers and fellowship on the truth to resolve my brothers’ and sisters’ problems so that they would think highly of me and approve of me. So, with that intention and desire, I started to focus on reading God’s word, actively attended gatherings, and when my brothers and sisters had problems or difficulties, I sought the truth to help them. My enthusiastic pursuit won their approval, and everyone said I knew how to practice the truth and suffer and pay a price in my duties. Later, I was chosen as church leader, and I did my duties with even more enthusiasm and effort. In everything, including group gathering attendance and solving people’s problems and difficulties, I was always first, and never lagged behind. Even though sometimes I felt negative and weak, I always quickly adjusted my state and actively did church work so that my brothers and sisters could see I was a leader who was up to standard. I remember once, there was a sister who was constrained by her husband. She couldn’t normally attend gatherings or do her duties, and she felt negative and weak. After I learned about it, I thought, “I happen to have a similar experience. I know I can use my practical experience to help her escape her negativity more quickly, and it will show my brothers and sisters I can solve problems and have the truth realities.” So, I looked up passages of God’s word targeted at her state and combined them with my own experience to fellowship with her. To make sure she saw I had stature, I only talked about positive practice in my fellowship and didn’t mention a word of the corruption I revealed, my negativity, or my weakness. My fellowship inspired her, and her state improved greatly. After that, she told everyone during a gathering, “Brother Yang knows how to practice the truth and has stature. Despite his son’s severe persecution, he stood firm in his testimony, and continued to preach the gospel and testify to God. I only felt inspired after hearing his fellowship.” When I heard that, I secretly felt ecstatic. Later, I spent all my time helping my brothers and sisters. When I heard of a group leader who was perfunctory in his duty and did not solve actual problems, or a brother or sister who was in a bad state and couldn’t do their duties normally, I would go handle it personally. I braved wind, rain, heat, and cold, I never neglected anything, and I didn’t feel at ease until their problems were resolved and handled. I recall once, I heard someone was forming a clique in the church and venting negativity. Some brothers and sisters lacked discernment, and they had prejudices and couldn’t work harmoniously. I immediately went to fellowship with them. I exposed and dissected that person’s behavior and put a stop to his evil deeds. Through my fellowship, the brothers and sisters gained discernment and were no longer misled and disturbed by him. And so, my brothers’ and sisters’ impression of me continued to improve. Some brothers and sisters even mentioned me, saying, “Brother Yang knows best how to practice the truth, view people and matters more accurately than us, and speak insightfully. You have to admit he can solve any problem!” I was very happy when I heard that, and I felt I was doing my job well. Before I knew it, I was in a state of self-appreciation. Later, I also deliberately showed off in front of my brothers and sisters, saying, “That person has been very cunning and deceitful and has been spreading specious fallacies in the church. He was impossible to discern without understanding the truth, but luckily, I saw him for what he is and was able to fellowship and expose his behavior. He might have managed to mislead someone else, but not me.” After hearing my fellowship, a brother thought very highly of me. Later, whenever he had any problems, he came to me to solve them. I also often spoke in front of my brothers and sisters about how I prayed to God to seek His intention in my duties and how I suffered and paid a price, to prove that I had faith and knew how to practice the truth. Once, Brother Zhang and I went to water newcomers, and I thought to myself, “I used to be a leader in my old church, and I understand the state of people in religion quite well, so I’m really good at watering newcomers.” When the newcomers asked some questions, I spoke actively and fellowshipped with them on my own experience of changing my notions. But in my fellowship, I only talked about how I sought and accepted the truth, and I didn’t say a word of how I sealed off the church and resisted God due to my own notions because I feared they would lose their good impression of me. I saw these newcomers nod approvingly as they listened to my fellowship, and I sincerely felt that how I did my duties was up to standard and acceptable to God. These newcomers said enviously to me after hearing my fellowship, “After this period of contact, I think you bear more of a burden than Brother Zhang, you fellowship in more detail; your fellowship is easier to understand and inspires more passion.” When I heard the newcomers say this, I thought even more that I possessed some truth realities. Later, I left that church to fill a need for duties elsewhere, but those newcomers still talked about me occasionally, “Why isn’t Brother Yang here? His fellowship is very helpful for us.” When I heard about that, I couldn’t help but think, “It looks like, alongside solving life entry problems for my brothers and sisters, I can also resolve the religious notions of newcomers. I am really an outstanding talented person in the church.” At the time, I didn’t think to reflect on my path at all. I felt like I really had stature, I knew how to practice the truth, and I was loyal in my duties, which was why my brothers and sisters looked up to and admired me. I lived in a situation of self-appreciation without any self-awareness. After what Brother Wang told me, and after comparing it against my past behavior, only then did I realize I had been too arrogant and unreasonable. I was always exalting myself and showing off. I didn’t know myself at all!

After that, I actively read God’s word on exalting and testifying to oneself to reflect and understand myself. I read this passage of God’s word: “Exalting and testifying about themselves, flaunting themselves, trying to make people think highly of them and worship them—corrupt mankind is capable of these things. This is how people instinctively react when they are governed by their satanic natures, and it is common to all of corrupt mankind. How do people usually exalt and testify about themselves? How do they achieve the aim of making people think highly of them and worship them? They testify to how much work they have done, how much they have suffered, how much they have expended themselves, and what price they have paid. They exalt themselves by talking about their capital, which gives them a higher, firmer, more secure place in people’s minds, so that more people appreciate, think highly of, admire, and even worship, look up to, and follow them. To achieve this aim, people do many things that testify to God on the surface, but essentially exalt and testify about themselves. Is acting that way reasonable? They are beyond the purview of rationality and have no shame, that is, they unabashedly testify to what they have done for God and how much they have suffered for Him. They even flaunt their gifts, talents, experience, special skills, their clever techniques for worldly dealings, the means they use to toy with people, and so on. Their method of exalting and testifying about themselves is to flaunt themselves and belittle others. They also camouflage and package themselves, hiding their weaknesses, shortcomings, and deficiencies from people so that they only ever see their brilliance. They do not even dare to tell other people when they feel negative; they lack the courage to open up and fellowship with them, and when they do something wrong, they do their utmost to conceal it and cover it up. Never do they mention the harm they have caused to the work of the church in the course of doing their duty. When they have made some minor contribution or achieved some small success, however, they are quick to show it off. They cannot wait to let the whole world know how capable they are, how high their caliber is, how exceptional they are, and how much better they are than normal people. Is this not a way of exalting and testifying about themselves? Is exalting and testifying about oneself something someone with conscience and reason does? It is not. So when people do this, what disposition is usually revealed? Arrogance. This is one of the chief dispositions revealed, followed by deceitfulness, which involves doing everything possible to make other people hold them in high esteem. Their words are completely watertight and clearly contain motivations and schemes, they are showing themselves off, yet they want to hide this fact. The outcome of what they say is that people are made to feel that they are better than others, that no one is their equal, that everyone else is inferior to them. And is this outcome not achieved via underhanded means? What disposition is behind such means? And are there any elements of wickedness? (There are.) This is a kind of wicked disposition” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). I contemplated God’s words and compared them to my own actions. I saw that I habitually exalted myself and showed off in my duties and I was indeed on the path of an antichrist. I thought back to when I just started believing in God. When I saw how people admired and looked up to leaders and workers for their fellowship, I was envious. To earn the regard and admiration of my brothers and sisters, I was willing to suffer and work hard. Once my work showed some results, I often testified in front of my brothers and sisters how I suffered and paid a price, how I strove to do my duties, and how I practiced the truth, but I never talked about my own negativity, weakness, rebelliousness, and resistance because I was terrified people would see through me and call me an incompetent leader. I thought only of how to establish my image in my brothers’ and sisters’ hearts, and used my duty as a chance to exalt myself and show off to make all of my brothers and sisters esteem and look up to me. Wasn’t I walking the antichrists’ path of resisting God? But I was numb and wasn’t aware of it at all. I still shamelessly appreciated myself and showed off while thinking I possessed the truth realities. I had no humanity or reason. What I did was disgusting and abhorrent to God. When I realized this, I felt a deep sense of self-blame. I felt I really didn’t deserve to live before God, let alone accept God’s salvation.

I started to reflect after I realized these things: “Why do I always involuntarily exalt and show off myself? Why am I walking the path of an antichrist, doing evil, and resisting God? What is the reason?” As I sought, I read these passages of God’s word: “If, in your heart, you truly understand the truth, then you will know how to practice the truth and submit to God, and will naturally embark on the path of pursuing the truth. If the path you walk is the right one, and in line with God’s intentions, then the work of the Holy Spirit will not leave you—in which case there will be less and less chance of you betraying God. Without the truth, it is easy to do evil, and you will do it despite yourself. For example, if you have an arrogant and conceited disposition, then being told not to oppose God makes no difference, you can’t help yourself, it is beyond your control. You would not do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God and see Him as being of no account; they would cause you to exalt yourself, constantly put yourself on display; they would make you scorn others, they would leave no one in your heart but yourself; they would rob you of God’s place in your heart, and ultimately cause you to sit in the place of God and demand that people submit to you, and make you venerate your own thoughts, ideas, and notions as the truth. So much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). “Some people particularly idolize Paul. They like to go out and give speeches and do work, they like to attend gatherings and preach, and they like to have people listen to them, worship them, and revolve around them. They like to hold a place in the hearts of others, and they appreciate it when others value the image they present. Let us dissect their nature from these behaviors. What is their nature? If they really behave like this, then it is sufficient in showing that they are arrogant and conceited. They do not worship God at all; they seek higher status and wish to have authority over others, to possess them, and to hold a position in their hearts. This is the classic image of Satan. The aspects of their nature that stand out are arrogance and conceit, an unwillingness to worship God, and a desire to be worshiped by others. Such behaviors can give you a very clear view into their nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). Through what God’s word exposed, I understood that I wanted to be admired in everything and to have a high position in people’s hearts because I was controlled by my arrogant and conceited satanic nature. I was walking on the antichrists’ path of resisting God. From the start of my duties, I had been shamelessly showing off in front of my brothers and sisters how I suffered and paid a price in my duty, how I rebelled against the flesh, and how I sought the truth to solve problems, with the goal of showing I was above ordinary people and that I was better than others. I wanted people to look up to me and worship me. I thought of Paul, and how he used his preaching and work to display his gifts and knowledge, showed off to make others look up to him, and went to different churches to testify how much he worked and suffered for the Lord to win people over and capture people’s hearts. In his work and letters, he didn’t testify the truth expressed by the Lord Jesus, nor did he testify the loveliness of the Lord Jesus or exhort believers to obey the Lord’s words. Instead, he distorted the words of the Lord Jesus based on his own opinions. To satisfy his own ambitions and desires, Paul worked relying on his arrogant and conceited satanic disposition to make others worship him and pull everyone into his orbit. Finally, he shamelessly testified that he lived as Christ and took the place of the Lord Jesus in people’s hearts. He blinded generations of believers in the Lord so that people would listen to his words and not focus on the Lord’s, and walked the path of resisting God. I saw that my actions were the same as Paul’s. Under the control of my arrogant and conceited satanic nature, I exalted myself, showed off at every turn, and made people worship me. The result was that my brothers and sisters had no place for God in their hearts, and when things happened, they didn’t rely on God or seek the truth principles. Instead, they relied on me, as if I had the truth. If I continued in this way, would I not be bringing my brothers and sisters before me? This is something that offends God’s disposition! Once I realized this, fear gripped my heart. I really never imagined doing my duties with my arrogant and conceited nature could cause me to do such evil things that resist God!

Then, I read another passage of God’s word: “Some people might use their positions to repeatedly testify about themselves, aggrandize themselves, and compete with God for people and status. They use various methods and measures to make people worship them, constantly trying to win people over and control them. Some even intentionally mislead people into thinking that they are God so that they can be treated like God. They would never tell someone that they have been corrupted—that they too are corrupt and arrogant, not to worship them, and that no matter how well they do, it is all due to God’s exaltation and that they are doing what they ought to, anyway. Why do they not say these things? Because they are deeply afraid of losing their place in people’s hearts. This is why such people never exalt God and never bear witness to God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself I). Reading God’s words pierced my heart. God’s house gave me the chance to be a leader, to let me practice fellowshipping on the truth to solve problems of life entry for my brothers and sisters, and guide people toward understanding the truth, knowing God, and submitting to God. But, instead of focusing on exalting and testifying to God, I used my duties to show off and satisfy my own ambitions and desires. Because of my leadership, my brothers and sisters all worshiped and looked up to me; when things happened, they relied on me instead of God and didn’t seek the truth principles. If I continued this way, wouldn’t I just bring people before myself? God is supreme, holy, and great, yet He endured the great humiliation of coming incarnate to save humankind, He worked in a humble and hidden manner among people, and expressed the truth in obscurity to supply and guide people, giving all for humankind. God never attempted to show off. His essence truly is beautiful. I matter less than a maggot, and am so corrupted by Satan that I have no human likeness, yet I wanted others to admire and worship me. I was so shameless, and didn’t know my proper place! As I reflected on what I had done, I felt disgusted and ashamed, as well as self-blame and self-loathing. I failed to live up to God’s grace and exaltation over the past few years. For these evil deeds, I deserved to be cursed and punished!

Later, I read two more passages of God’s words. I understood what is to exalt and testify to God, and found ways of practice to solve the problem of exalting oneself and taking the path of an antichrist. Almighty God says: “When bearing testimony for God, you should mainly talk about how God judges and chastises people, and what trials He uses to refine people and change their dispositions. You should also talk about how much corruption has been revealed in your experience, how much you have suffered, how many things you did to resist God, and how you were eventually conquered by God. Talk about how much real knowledge of God’s work you have, and how you should bear witness for God and repay Him for His love. You should put substance into this kind of language, while putting it in a simple manner. Do not talk about empty theories. Speak more down-to-earth; speak from the heart. This is how you should experience things. Do not equip yourselves with profound-seeming, empty theories in an effort to show off; doing so makes you appear quite arrogant and senseless. You should speak more about real things from your actual experience, and speak more from the heart; this is most beneficial to others, and most appropriate for them to see” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). “So, what way of acting is not exalting and testifying about oneself? If you show off and testify about yourself regarding a certain matter, you will achieve the result of making some people think highly of you and worship you. But if you lay yourself bare and share your self-knowledge regarding that same matter, the nature of this is different. Is this not true? Laying oneself bare to talk about one’s self-knowledge is something that ordinary humanity ought to possess. It is a positive thing. If you really know yourself and speak about your state accurately, genuinely, and precisely; if you speak about knowledge that is completely based on God’s words; if those who listen to you are edified and benefit from it; and if you testify to God’s work and glorify Him, that is testifying about God. If, through laying yourself bare, you talk a lot about your strengths, how you have suffered, and paid the price, and stood firm in your testimony, and as a result, people have a high opinion of you and worship you, then this is testifying about yourself. You need to be able to tell the difference between these two behaviors. For example, explaining how weak and negative you were when facing trials, and how, after praying and seeking the truth, you finally understood God’s intention, gained faith, and stood firm in your testimony, is to exalt and testify about God. It is absolutely not showing off and testifying about yourself. Therefore, whether you are showing off and testifying about yourself or not chiefly depends on whether you are talking about your real experiences, and whether you achieve the effect of testifying about God; it is also necessary to look at what your intentions and aims are when you speak of your experiential testimony. Doing so will make it easy to discern what sort of behavior you are engaging in. If you have the right intention when you testify, then even if people have a high opinion of you and worship you, that is not really a problem. If you have the wrong intention, then even if no one has a high opinion of you or worships you, it is still a problem—and if people do have a high opinion of you and worship you, then that is even more of a problem. Therefore, you cannot look solely at results to determine whether a person is exalting and testifying about themselves. You must look primarily at their intention; the right way to distinguish between these two behaviors is based on intentions. If you just try to discern this based on results, you will be liable to falsely accuse good people. Some people share particularly genuine testimony, and some others consequently have a high opinion of them and worship them—can you say that those people are testifying about themselves? No, you cannot. There’s no problem with those people, the testimony they share and the duty they do are of benefit to others, and only foolish and ignorant people who have a distorted comprehension worship other people. The key to discerning whether people are exalting and testifying about themselves or not is to look at the intention of the speaker. If your intention is to show everyone how your corruption was revealed, and how you have changed, and to enable others to benefit from this, then your words are earnest and true, and in line with the facts. Such intentions are correct, and you are not showing off or testifying about yourself. If your intention is to show everyone that you have real experiences, and that you have changed and possess the truth reality, so that they think highly of you and worship you, then these intentions are incorrect. That is showing off and testifying about yourself. If the experiential testimony you speak of is false, adulterated, and intended to hoodwink people, to stop them from seeing your true state, and to prevent your intentions, corruption, weakness, or negativity from being revealed to others, then such words are deceiving and misleading. This is false testimony, this is tricking God and bringing shame upon God, and it is what God hates most of all” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). I understood from God’s words that to exalt and testify to God, we must first have the right intentions and speak truthfully. In terms of what rebelliousness, weakness, and corrupt dispositions we reveal in our experiences, how we reflected on and came to know ourselves in light of God’s words, how we accepted the judgment and chastisement of God’s word, and what real knowledge of God we gained, we need to be able to fellowship openly. In addition, we should always reflect on our actions, thoughts, and ideas. When we want to exalt ourselves and show off, we should pray and rebel against ourselves, have the right intentions, know and keep to our proper place, open up a lot with brothers and sisters to expose our own corruption, and use our own experiential knowledge of God’s word to exalt and testify to God. This is the reason that created beings should have and the duty that they should do.

Once I realized this, I told Brother Wang, “Your guidance helped me reflect and come to know myself. This is God’s love for me. Now I have some understanding of my corrupt disposition, I’m willing to repent to God and dissect myself and lay myself bare with my brothers and sisters.” Later, when I wrote back to my brother, I revealed how I had exalted myself and shown off over the past few years, my incorrect intentions, and that I had walked the path of an antichrist. I opened up, exposed, and dissected these things with my brother, so that he could discern my corruption and evil deeds and wouldn’t admire or be misled by me anymore. I also guided him to rely on God in everything and seek paths of practice in God’s word, and even when fellowshipping with others, they must have the right intentions, accept all things from God, only accept fellowship that conforms with God’s word and the truth, and not worship or follow any person as this is the path those who truly believe in God and pursue the truth should take. After I finished my letter, I felt a sense of ease and peace I had never had before.

Later, I consciously practiced God’s word in my duties. When my work produced results and I was praised by my brothers and sisters, and I wanted to exalt myself and show off again, I quickly prayed to God, used God’s word to reflect and understand the antichrist disposition I revealed, rebelled against my incorrect intentions in time, and practiced according to God’s word. Slowly, my arrogant and conceited satanic disposition was somewhat restrained, and I didn’t exalt myself or show off like before. Once, I went to a gathering, and a brother said, “Your partner’s fellowship doesn’t provide as much of a path as yours. …” When I heard that, I started to feel proud, but I immediately realized my state was wrong and felt a little afraid, so I revealed how I exalted myself and showed off in the past and the consequences it brought about, and how later, I accepted the judgment and chastisement of God’s word and knew myself. I dissected and revealed all these things to let my brothers and sisters see my true stature and the ugly fact of my corruption, and told everyone I wasn’t better than anyone else, and that the results of my duties were achieved by the work of the Holy Spirit. After my fellowship, my brothers and sisters could treat me correctly, they no longer looked up to or admired me, and I felt a great sense of ease. Although I still have many corrupt dispositions, I believe that as long as I focus on experiencing God’s judgment and chastisement, often reflect on my intentions, seek the truth in all things, and use God’s word as the criteria for acting and conducting myself, I will receive God’s guidance, gradually get rid of my corruptions, and walk the path of salvation.