By Wu Shi, China

In August 2016, I was responsible for gospel work in the church. Because I lacked experience and had a shallow understanding of the truth, I felt a lot of pressure when I first started doing this duty, so I often prayed to God about my difficulties, and studied the truths and principles related to preaching the gospel. When I didn’t understand something, I would ask the brothers and sisters for help. Gradually, I was able to grasp some principles, and I became able to identify problems in the work and offer reasonable suggestions. The gospel work began to show some results, and I was truly grateful to God. Later, the effectiveness of gospel work in our church improved, and a few gospel workers were promoted to be supervisors. I was overjoyed, thinking, “With the work achieving these results, it seems that I’m not half bad, and that I have some caliber and work capability.” These thoughts made my heart feel as sweet as honey. After that, I wasn’t as humble as before when gathering with the brothers and sisters. When I saw that some brothers and sisters became negative after encountering difficulties in gospel work, I would fellowship how, when I first began this duty, I relied on God to overcome challenges and achieve results in the work. Hearing me say this, the brothers and sisters all looked at me with praise, and they became motivated and willing to continue cooperating in their duties. After that, the brothers and sisters would come to me with any questions or difficulties they had, and the brothers and sisters I cooperated with often asked for my opinions when they encountered difficulties. I was happy to be esteemed and endorsed by everyone, and I felt that I was quite capable, and that my being a supervisor was well deserved.

By December 2017, many new people came into our church, and several new churches were established one after another, and some of the newcomers were promoted and cultivated shortly after taking up their duties. Seeing all of this gave me a strong sense of accomplishment. Though I said with my mouth that I was grateful for God’s guidance, in my heart, I admired myself. I thought I understood the truth and had a discerning eye for people. I thought about how, when I first took on this duty, there was only one church, and now several churches had been established, and that ever since I had taken over the work, I had really contributed some talented individuals to the church. My heart was filled with delight, and I felt even more strongly that I was capable, a real talent, and that I was the backbone of the church. I realized I was stealing God’s glory, and felt a little guilty, but then I thought, “God’s work isn’t supernatural, it still requires human cooperation, and without my cooperation, the work wouldn’t have succeeded, and as I’ve been doing this duty the longest, I do deserve some credit.” When I thought like this, the guilt in my heart disappeared. After that, I often couldn’t help but show off in front of the gospel workers, saying, “I just came from such-and-such church. They had some problems, but I solved them. Tomorrow, I’ll be going to another church….” The brothers and sisters all looked at me with admiration. One sister even said, “You’re responsible for the work of so many churches. We definitely couldn’t handle it, our heads would spin. You truly understand the truth and have work capability!” Hearing the sister’s praise, I felt very proud. I thought to myself, “Of course! I’m certainly better than you all, otherwise, how could I be the supervisor?” During that time, I walked with my head held high, and when things happened, I didn’t seek the truth principles, I just acted directly. I always thought I understood the truth and could do some work, and I believed I was the best at handling the gospel work. Later, when brothers and sisters encountered problems in their duties, they didn’t put effort into seeking, and they didn’t pray to God or seek the truth to overcome difficulties. Instead, they waited for me to fellowship and resolve things. There were some issues for which I couldn’t provide solutions, making them feel even more discouraged. As a result, the effectiveness of gospel work declined month by month. When these things happened, I didn’t properly reflect on or know myself. That was until God’s chastening and discipline came upon me.

One day in April 2018, a sister I was cooperating with was originally supposed to go to a church gathering, but she had something come up at the last minute, so I went instead. As soon as I arrived at the gathering place, I was arrested by the police and sentenced to three years in prison. At first, while in the detention house, I thought being persecuted and arrested for believing in God in China was normal, so I didn’t really reflect on or know myself. That was until I had been detained for a year and seven months and was transferred to prison when, out of fear for my life, I was coerced into signing the “Three Statements.” At that moment, I was filled with regret, shame, and self-reproach, and I completely collapsed. Late at night, lying on my bed, tears of regret poured down my face. In my pain, I prayed to God, “God, this situation has revealed something about me, but I don’t understand what Your intention is or what lesson I should be learning. God, please guide me to understand Your intention.” After that, scenes of doing my duty before my arrest flashed through my mind: I would show off and speak boastfully in front of the brothers and sisters, I always thought being able to do some work meant I understood the truth and had gained some realities, and I considered myself a rare talent and the backbone of the church. I spent my days full of pride and arrogance. Comparing this to when I signed the “Three Statements” and betrayed God—I was weak, cowardly, and pitiful, driven by fear of death—I wished I could just find a hole to crawl into. At that moment, I began to understand why I was suddenly arrested. I recalled a passage of God’s words I had read before: “When you suffer a little restraint or hardship, it is good for you; if you were given an easy time of it you would be ruined, and then how could you be protected? Today, it is because you are chastised, judged, and cursed that you are given protection. It is because you have suffered much that you are protected. If not, you would have long since fallen into depravity. This is not making things difficult for you intentionally—man’s nature is hard to change, and it must be thus for their dispositions to be changed. Today, you do not even possess the conscience or sense that Paul possessed, nor do you even have his self-awareness. You always have to be pressured, and you always have to be chastised and judged in order to awaken your spirits. Chastisement and judgment are what is best for your life. And when necessary, there must also be the chastisement of the facts coming upon you; only then will you fully submit. Your natures are such that without chastisement and cursing, you would be unwilling to bow your heads, unwilling to submit. Without the facts before your eyes, there would be no effect. You are too lowly and worthless in character! Without chastisement and judgment, it would be difficult for you to be conquered, and hard for your unrighteousness and disobedience to be overcome. Your old nature is so deeply rooted. If you were placed upon the throne, you would not know your place in the universe, much less where you were headed. You do not even know where you came from, so how could you know the Lord of creation? Without the timely chastisement and curses of today, your final day would have long since arrived. That is to say nothing of your fate—would not that be even more in imminent danger? Without this timely chastisement and judgment, who knows how arrogant you would grow, or how depraved you would become. This chastisement and judgment have brought you to today, and they have preserved your existence. If you were still ‘educated’ using the same methods as those of your ‘father,’ who knows what realm you would enter into! You have absolutely no ability to control and reflect upon yourselves. For people like you, if you just follow and submit without causing any disruptions or disturbances, My aims will be achieved. Should you not do better in accepting the chastisement and judgment of today? What other choices do you have?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (6)). Pondering God’s words, I came to understand that my arrest and imprisonment were God’s discipline. During my time as a supervisor, I was truly arrogant. Whenever the work showed some results, I would show off in front of the brothers and sisters. When gospel workers encountered difficulties and became negative, I would intentionally show off my work capability by sharing my experiences, and I would also make a point of telling the brothers and sisters that the church gospel work I was responsible for had attained good results, making everyone think highly of me. Later, a few new churches were established, and I continued to show off my work capability, making others think even more highly of me. Because I constantly showed off like this, the brothers and sisters all thought I had a sense of burden in my duty and could achieve results in my work, and they believed I was a competent supervisor. Wherever I went, everyone spoke to me politely and respectfully, and whenever they had problems, they liked to ask for my advice, and most of the time, they’d adopt my suggestions. Even the sister I cooperated with often asked for my opinion. Having gained everyone’s endorsement and admiration, I felt very satisfied, and I even felt as if I were floating with pride. I felt that I was an indispensable person in the church, that the church’s work couldn’t do without me, and that I was better and more important than everyone else. By showing off like this, I brought people before me. I had offended God’s disposition without realizing it. God couldn’t bear to see me continue to fall. Through being arrested by the police, He stopped me from continuing down the path of evil, and forced me to stop and reflect, so that I was able to turn back from the wrong path and awaken in time, and not walk any further down the wrong road. When I realized this, my eyes filled with tears. I was deeply moved by God’s love and His painstaking intentions. I silently prayed to God, “God, thank You for arranging this situation for me. I am willing to repent to You. God, please enlighten and guide me, so I can have a true understanding of myself.”

One day, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “If, in your heart, you truly understand the truth, then you will know how to practice the truth and submit to God, and will naturally embark on the path of pursuing the truth. If the path you walk is the right one, and in line with God’s intentions, then the work of the Holy Spirit will not leave you—in which case there will be less and less chance of you betraying God. Without the truth, it is easy to do evil, and you will do it despite yourself. For example, if you have an arrogant and conceited disposition, then being told not to oppose God makes no difference, you can’t help yourself, it is beyond your control. You would not do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God and see Him as being of no account; they would cause you to exalt yourself, constantly put yourself on display; they would make you scorn others, they would leave no one in your heart but yourself; they would rob you of God’s place in your heart, and ultimately cause you to sit in the place of God and demand that people submit to you, and make you venerate your own thoughts, ideas, and notions as the truth. So much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). God exposes that the root of man’s resistance to God is their arrogant and conceited nature. When a person has an arrogant disposition, they will see themselves as superior, thinking they are better than everyone else. Among others, they will uncontrollably testify to themselves and show off, making people admire and worship them. During my time as a supervisor, when I achieved some results in work, I would think I had caliber, that I understood the truth and could solve problems, and that I could discover talented people, and I thought I was an irreplaceable talent and the backbone of the church. All of this was driven by my arrogant nature. Clearly, the gospel work producing some results was all due to the work and guidance of the Holy Spirit and the cooperation of the brothers and sisters, but I took all the credit for myself. I deliberately showed off in front of the brothers and sisters, making them think it was all because I understood the truth and had work capability that the work produced results. In the end, they all admired and worshiped me. How shameless I was! I thought of the first of God’s administrative decrees: “Man should not magnify himself, nor exalt himself. He should worship and exalt God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). God admonishes people to exalt Him and honor Him as great. In the heart of man, there should only be a place for God, for only God is worthy of being worshiped by man. But I honored myself as great and showed off, wanting the brothers and sisters to hold a place for me in their hearts. Everything I did was driven by my arrogant nature and was resistance against God. I had already violated God’s administrative decrees, yet I wasn’t afraid and even enjoyed myself. I was truly numb! I thought about how the church cultivated me to be a supervisor. On one hand, this was so I could pursue the truth and dispositional change while doing my duty, and on the other hand, it enabled me to take on a leading role. When work encountered difficulties, I could lead the brothers and sisters to look to God and rely on Him, seek the truth and act according to principles, allowing the brothers and sisters to honor God as great in their hearts and hold a place for Him, thereby bringing people before God. This was my responsibility and duty. Yet I didn’t fulfill the responsibilities a supervisor should have, and instead, I took every opportunity in my work to show off and testify to myself, leading the brothers and sisters to admire and worship me and causing them to come to me when faced with difficulties instead of relying on God or seeking the truth principles. I brought people before myself, and in this, I was vying for status with God. I was walking the path of an antichrist and had already offended God’s disposition. If I continued to do my duty this way, I would ultimately be punished for resisting God. Realizing this, I broke out in a cold sweat, feeling that this arrest was God’s righteous disposition coming upon me, and that it was also God’s great protection and salvation for me. I sincerely thanked God and was willing to submit to this environment and learn a lesson. In 2021, I was released after serving my sentence and walked out of that hell on earth that is a CCP prison.

Shortly after returning home, the brothers and sisters brought me the books of God’s words, and I was deeply moved. One day during my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words: “Are you able to sense the guidance of God and the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit in the course of performing your duty? (Yes.) If you are able to sense the work of the Holy Spirit, yet still think highly of yourselves, and think you are possessed of reality, then what is going on here? (When our performance of our duty has borne some fruit, we think that half the credit belongs to God, and half belongs to us. We magnify our cooperation to an unlimited extent, thinking that nothing was more important than our cooperation, and that God’s enlightenment would not have been possible without it.) So why did God enlighten you? Can God enlighten other people as well? (Yes.) When God enlightens someone, it is by the grace of God. And what is that little bit of cooperation on your part? Is it something you are due credit for, or is it your duty and responsibility? (It is our duty and responsibility.) When you recognize that it is your duty and responsibility, then you have the right mindset, and will not think of trying to take credit for it. If you always think, ‘This is my contribution. Would God’s enlightenment have been possible without my cooperation? This task requires man’s cooperation; our cooperation accounts for the bulk of the accomplishment,’ then you are wrong. How could you cooperate if the Holy Spirit had not enlightened you, and if no one had fellowshipped the truth principles to you? You would not know what God requires, nor would you know the path of practice. Even if you wanted to submit to God and cooperate, you wouldn’t know how. Is this ‘cooperation’ of yours not just empty words? Without true cooperation, you are only acting according to your own ideas—in which case, could the duty you perform be up to standard? Absolutely not, which indicates the issue at hand. What is the issue? No matter what duty a person performs, whether they achieve results, perform their duty up to standard, and gain God’s approval depends on God’s actions. Even if you fulfill your responsibilities and duty, if God does not work, if God does not enlighten and guide you, then you won’t know your path, your direction, or your goals. What ultimately comes of that? After toiling for all that time, you will not have performed your duty properly, nor will you have gained the truth and life—it will all have been in vain. Therefore, your duty being performed up to standard, edifying your brothers and sisters, and obtaining God’s approval all depends on God! People can only do those things that they are personally capable of, that they ought to do, and that are within their inherent capabilities—nothing more. Ultimately then, performing your duties in an effective manner depends on the guidance of God’s words and the enlightenment and leadership of the Holy Spirit; only then can you understand the truth, and complete God’s commission according to the path that God has given you and the principles He has set. This is God’s grace and blessing, and if people cannot see this, they are blind” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading this passage, I understood that the reason I could steal God’s glory was because I held a fallacious viewpoint inside me. I believed that it was my cooperation that caused the Holy Spirit to work and allowed the work to yield results. I placed too much importance on human cooperation. The truth is, human cooperation is also based on understanding the truth principles. Without God expressing the truth, human cooperation has no direction. Human cooperation is merely fulfilling one’s duty and responsibilities, and whether work achieves results essentially depends on the Holy Spirit’s work. Reflecting on when I first began doing this duty, I didn’t grasp many principles, so I prayed more and studied the principles, and sought with the brothers and sisters. Gradually, I grasped some principles, and with the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment and guidance, I was able to discover and solve some issues. Only then did the gospel work achieve good results. Later, I lived in a state of self-satisfaction, and I prayed less and stopped seeking the truth principles, so I was no longer able to obtain the Holy Spirit’s work, and I didn’t know how to resolve many problems, which affected the gospel work. Particularly after I was arrested and imprisoned, the church’s gospel work didn’t stagnate because of my arrest, but rather progressed steadily and even became more fruitful. Yet I foolishly and blindly regarded my cooperation as being of exceptional importance, believing that without me, the church work wouldn’t achieve good results. Looking back now, I felt ashamed. Additionally, the fact that I provided some talented people was not because I understood the truth and was able to choose the right people, but rather because God had long since prepared various kinds of talented people for His work. Also, during the process of selecting people, there were many issues I was unclear on, which I only saw clearly by seeking the truth principles with the sister I was cooperating with. If it hadn’t been for God expressing the truth, fellowshipping the principles related to the performance of duties so clearly, how could I possibly have understood or grasped these principles, or done my duty well? In reality, God was doing His own work, and I was merely doing a small part of my duty that I ought to as a human being. There was nothing for me to boast about.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words, and I felt even more ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. Almighty God says: “God has done a significant amount of work on humans, but has He ever spoken about it? Has He ever explained it? Has He ever declared it? No, He hasn’t. No matter how people misunderstand God, He doesn’t explain. From God’s perspective, no matter if you are sixty or eighty years old, your understanding of God is very limited, and based on how little you know, you are still a child. God doesn’t hold it against you; you are still an immature child. It doesn’t matter that some people may have lived for many years and their body shows signs of age; their understanding of God is still very childish and superficial. God doesn’t hold it against you—if you don’t understand, you don’t understand. That’s your caliber and your capacity, and it can’t be changed. God will not force anything on you. God demands that people bear testimony to Him, but has He borne testimony to Himself? (No.) On the other hand, Satan is afraid that people won’t know about even the smallest thing it does. The antichrists are no different: They boast about every little thing they do in front of everyone. Hearing them, it seems like they are testifying to God—but if you listen closely you’ll discover that they’re not testifying to God, but showing off, building themselves up. The intention and essence behind what they say is to vie with God for His chosen people, and for status. God is humble and hidden, and Satan flaunts itself. Is there a difference? Showing off versus humility and hiddenness: which are positive things? (Humility and hiddenness.) Could Satan be described as humble? (No.) Why? Judging by its wicked nature essence, it is a worthless piece of trash; it would be abnormal for Satan to not flaunt itself. How could Satan be called ‘humble’? ‘Humility’ is said of God. God’s identity, essence, and disposition are lofty and honorable, but He never shows off. God is humble and hidden, so people do not see what He has done, but as He works in such obscurity, humankind is unceasingly provided for, nourished, and guided—and this is all arranged by God. Is it not hiddenness and humility, that God never declares these things, never mentions them? God is humble precisely because He is able to do these things but never mentions or declares them, and does not argue about them with people. What right have you to speak of humility when you are incapable of such things? You didn’t do any of those things, yet insist on taking credit for them—this is called being shameless. Guiding mankind, God carries out such great work, and He presides over the entire universe. His authority and power are so vast, yet He has never said, ‘My power is extraordinary.’ He remains hidden among all things, presiding over everything, nourishing and providing for humankind, allowing all humankind to continue for generation after generation. Take the air and the sunshine, for example, or all the material things necessary for human existence on earth—they all flow forth without cease. That God provides for man is beyond question. If Satan did something good, would it keep it quiet, and remain an unsung hero? Never. It’s like how there are some antichrists in the church who previously undertook dangerous work, who forsook things and endured suffering, who may have even gone to prison; there are also some who once contributed to one aspect of the work of the house of God. They never forget these things, they think they deserve lifelong credit for them, they think these are their lifetime’s capital—which shows how small people are! People are truly small, and Satan is shameless” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). God’s essence is humble, beautiful and good, while Satan’s essence is evil, ugly, and shameless. I thought of how the Bible tells of Satan tempting the Lord Jesus. Clearly, everything in the world was created by God, yet Satan claimed it created everything and tried to tempt Lord Jesus to worship it. I also thought about the CCP. Everything humanity enjoys clearly comes from God, and God provides for all of humanity’s daily needs, yet the CCP claims it has led the people to a good life, causing the people to credit it with these things. I also thought of those antichrists expelled from the church. They constantly showed off and exalted themselves, talking about how much work they had done for God’s house and how much suffering they had endured, using this to mislead people into following and worshiping them. Seeing these things made me realize just how truly shameless the devils and Satan are! Thinking about myself, clearly, it was because of the Holy Spirit’s work that the church work achieved results yet I secretly counted my achievements and often showed them off to the brothers and sisters, causing everyone to think these were my achievements, hold me in high regard, and give me a place in their hearts. Wasn’t my behavior just like that of those antichrists who exalt themselves and show off? How could I have been so shameless and completely lacking in conscience and reason! God humbled Himself to become a human to save humanity; He is willing to risk His life and endure great humiliation and suffering, coming among people to work and save us. God has given everything for humanity, yet He never declares His deeds. He just quietly does the work He intends to do. But as for me, a tiny created being, all I did was fulfill my own duty and responsibility, but I used different ways to flaunt myself and show off. I was truly lowly and worthless! I prayed in repentance to God, asking Him to forgive my transgressions. I was willing to start anew and transform my arrogant disposition, and to learn to exalt God and bear witness to Him in all things.

Later, I read a passage about how to practice exalting and bearing witness to God: “When bearing testimony for God, you should mainly talk about how God judges and chastises people, and what trials He uses to refine people and change their dispositions. You should also talk about how much corruption has been revealed in your experience, how much you have suffered, how many things you did to resist God, and how you were eventually conquered by God. Talk about how much real knowledge of God’s work you have, and how you should bear witness for God and repay Him for His love. You should put substance into this kind of language, while putting it in a simple manner. Do not talk about empty theories. Speak more down-to-earth; speak from the heart. This is how you should experience things. Do not equip yourselves with profound-seeming, empty theories in an effort to show off; doing so makes you appear quite arrogant and senseless. You should speak more about real things from your actual experience, and speak more from the heart; this is most beneficial to others, and most appropriate for them to see. You used to be people who opposed God the most, who were least inclined to submit to Him, but now you have been conquered—never forget that. You should ponder and think about these matters more. Once people understand them clearly, they will know how to bear testimony, otherwise, they will be liable to commit shameful and senseless acts, which is not bearing testimony for God, but rather bringing shame upon God. Without genuine experiences and an understanding of the truth, it is not possible to bear testimony for God. People whose faith in God is muddled and confused will never be able to bear testimony for God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). From God’s words, I understood how to exalt God and bear witness to Him among people. On one hand, we need to share more with the brothers and sisters about how we have experienced the judgment, chastisement, pruning, trials and refinement of God’s words, the significance of God’s work and what His intentions are, and what kind of effects He wants to achieve in us, so that others can come to know God and understand His painstaking intentions to save humanity. On the other hand, we also need to open up and lay bare the corruption we have revealed in our experiences, and the rebellious and defiant things we have done against God, so that others can understand the nature of our actions and gain discernment from it. In this way, they can view themselves in light of these things, and know and hate their corrupt dispositions. Only by practicing this way can we truly exalt and testify to God. But I only chose to speak of the good things. I only talked about how I relied on God to achieve results in the work, how many people I had gained and how many churches I had established, while not mentioning the rebelliousness, corruption and weakness I had revealed during this process. I didn’t lay bare these things to the brothers and sisters. As a result, they came to be misled by my apparent good behavior. What I had done and how I had acted were all contrary to God’s words, and I had to repent to God and practice according to His words from then on.

Five months after my release from prison, the church arranged for me to continue preaching the gospel. I was very moved, and I resolved to do my duty properly and make up for my past indebtedness to God. During one gathering, a newcomer raised some notions, so I patiently fellowshipped God’s words with her, and in the end, her notions were resolved. She said that she gained a lot from this gathering, and expressed great thanks to God’s sovereignty and arrangements for bringing brothers and sisters to fellowship with her. She was very excited while speaking, and as I listened beside her, I secretly rejoiced, thinking to myself, “The sister’s notions were mainly resolved through my fellowship with her. It seems I’m not half bad, and that I can fellowship the truth to solve some problems.” When I had such thoughts, I realized I was once again stealing God’s glory. I saw the brothers and sisters around me thanking God for His guidance, while I was shamelessly admiring myself, and I felt truly disgusted with myself. I was so shameless! I quickly prayed to God in my heart, thinking of His words: “When you have some understanding of God, when you can see your own corruption and recognize the despicableness and ugliness of arrogance and conceit, you will then feel disgusted, sickened, and distressed. You will be able to consciously do some things to satisfy God and, in doing this, will feel at ease. You will be able to consciously read the word of God, exalt God, bear witness for God, and, in your heart, you will feel enjoyment. You will consciously unmask yourself, exposing your own ugliness, and by doing this, you will feel good inside and feel yourself to be in an improved state of mind” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). I opened up to the brothers and sisters about my despicable thoughts. I also mentioned that I didn’t quite understand some of the issues from today’s gathering at first, but in the process of fellowship, I gradually gained clarity through the enlightenment of God’s words, and that this wasn’t my original stature but the enlightenment and guidance of the Holy Spirit. After sharing, I felt a deep sense of peace in my heart, and I felt that it was truly good to live this way! This transformation that I could have was all the result of the judgment and chastisement of God’s words upon me. Thanks be to God!