By Yang Jun, China

At the beginning of 2023, I felt a buzzing in my head, and thinking about my usually high blood pressure, I took a measurement. To my surprise, my blood pressure was 110 mmHg for diastolic and 160 mmHg for systolic. I was shocked, thinking, “Why is it so high? At this rate, something is bound to happen sooner or later!” I remembered that my father had had a stroke due to high blood pressure, and despite over an hour of rescue efforts, he passed away. My aunt also had a stroke due to high blood pressure and passed away just two days later. Later, my older brother, older sister, and I also developed high blood pressure. The doctor said we likely had a family history of it, and advised us to be more careful from then on. I was a bit scared, worrying that I might die suddenly like my father and aunt. I used to think that since I believed in God, He would protect me, and something as minor as high blood pressure was no big deal, and that it’d surely not be a big issue. But now, seeing such high blood pressure, I began to complain somewhat, thinking, “I’ve been doing my duties in the church for years, why hasn’t God healed this illness? What if one day my blood pressure rises and I collapse? Even if I don’t die, I could become disabled, then how would I be able to be saved? I need to find a way to control it myself, otherwise, if this illness worsens, I might lose my life.” From then on, I paid special attention to my health. Wherever I went to do my duties, I never forgot to inquire about methods to treat high blood pressure, and whenever I had free time, I searched online. I neglected my study of principles needed for my watering duties, and did not address issues that needed to be followed up on and resolved in a timely manner. All my thoughts were focused on treating this illness. I knew that this way of treating my duties was inappropriate, but at the thought of the time and effort needed to water newcomers, I was concerned about my blood pressure rising further, and thought that it was urgent to find a way to treat the illness. With this mindset, my little sense of guilt disappeared.

Once, I got a folk remedy for treating high blood pressure, and I heard that many people had benefited from it, so I happily went to try it. After a while, to my surprise, not only did my blood pressure not decrease, it actually increased, reaching 180 mmHg for systolic. This left me stunned and I asked myself, “How could my blood pressure have risen?” I was very scared, and worried that I might suddenly die like my father and aunt. I also thought about those who had had strokes due to high blood pressure, some of whom were left in wheelchairs with facial paralysis, unable to take care of themselves, and others who were even left paralyzed on one side. I feared that one day I might end up like them. The more I thought about it, the more scared I became, and I was engulfed in anxiety and worry, and my thoughts were no longer on my duties. I thought, “Perhaps I should go home to rest and have my illness cured before doing my duties again.” But since I was being pursued by the CCP’s police, I couldn’t go home, so I had to continue doing my duties while going through with the treatment. After that, I paid even more attention to my physical condition, and whenever I felt dizzy or had a headache, I couldn’t help but guess at whether my blood pressure had risen again, and whether I might collapse while walking and never be able to get up again. I was on edge every day, and it affected my performance of duty. Later, I heard that people with high blood pressure shouldn’t stay up late, so I started going to bed early in the evening, and I stopped rushing to handle urgent work, but when the next day came, and I saw just how much work needed to be done, I’d feel like I was under great pressure and panic. During that period, I was completely absorbed in my illness, my efficiency in my duties was very low, and it delayed the watering work. I felt guilty, but thinking about my illness made that sense of guilt disappear. Every day, I focused on what I could eat and what I couldn’t, and how to take care of my illness, and I was in no mind to do my duties at all. Some complaints even began to emerge within me, and I thought, “I’ve been suffering and expending myself in my duties in the church, why hasn’t God protected me? My condition not only hasn’t improved but has actually kept worsening. How can I do my duties well now?” My heart grew increasingly distant from God, and I didn’t want to pray anymore. I felt really despondent and distressed, and was terrified that death might come upon me any day. In my pain, I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to understand His intention.

Later, I came across these words from God: “There are also some who know they are sick, that is, they know they have some real illness or other, for example stomach diseases, lower back and leg pain, arthritis, rheumatism, as well as skin diseases, gynecological diseases, liver disease, hypertension, heart disease, and so on. They think, ‘If I keep performing my duty, will God’s house pay for treatment for my illness? If my illness gets worse and it affects the performance of my duty, will God heal me? Other people have been cured after believing in God, so will I be cured too? Will God cure me, just as He shows kindness to others? If I loyally perform my duty, God should heal me, but if only I wish God to heal me and He doesn’t, then what am I going to do?’ Whenever they think of these things, they get a profound feeling of anxiety rising up in their hearts. Even though they never stop performing their duty and they always do what they’re supposed to, they think constantly about their illness, their health, their future, and about their life and death. Finally, they reach the conclusion of wishfully thinking, ‘God will heal me, God will keep me safe. God won’t abandon me, and God won’t stand by and do nothing if He sees me getting sick.’ There is no basis at all for such thoughts, and they can even be said to be a kind of notion. People will never be able to resolve their practical difficulties with such notions and imaginings as these, and in their innermost hearts, they feel vaguely distressed, anxious, and worried about their health and their illnesses; they have no idea who will take responsibility for these things, or whether anyone will take responsibility for them at all” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “There are also some who, although they don’t actually feel sick and have not been diagnosed with anything, know they have some latent disease. What latent disease? For example, it could be a hereditary disease like heart disease, diabetes, or hypertension, or it could be Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease or some kind of cancer—these are all latent diseases. … Even though they try their best not to do anything about their latent disease, they still occasionally and subconsciously go looking for all manner of folk remedies to prevent this latent disease from suddenly befalling them on a certain day, at a certain hour, or without them being aware of it. Some people may from time to time prepare some Chinese medicinal herbs to take, some people occasionally go asking about folk remedy preparations they can take when needed, while some people from time to time go online searching for exercise tips so that they can exercise and experiment. Although it may be only a latent disease, still it is at the forefront in their minds; although these people may not feel unwell or have any symptoms at all, they are still filled with worry and anxiety about it, and deep inside them they feel distressed and depressed about it, always hoping to ameliorate or dispel these negative emotions from inside them through prayer or performing their duties. … Even though birth, old age, sickness and death are constants among mankind and are unavoidable in life, there are those with a certain physical constitution or special illness who, whether they’re performing their duties or not, fall into distress, anxiety, and worry over the difficulties and diseases of the flesh; they worry about their illness, they worry about the many hardships their illness may cause them, whether their illness will become serious, what the consequences will be if it does become serious, and whether they will die from it. In special situations and certain contexts, this series of questions causes them to become mired in distress, anxiety, and worry and unable to extricate themselves; some people even live in a state of distress, anxiety, and worry because of the serious disease they already know they have or a latent disease they can do nothing to avoid, and they are influenced, impacted, and controlled by these negative emotions” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words exposed exactly my state. Ever since I learned that I had high blood pressure and a family history of it, I’d been worried that I might suddenly die like my father and aunt someday. After finding God, I entrusted my illness to Him, hoping He would heal me, but after several years of doing my duties, my blood pressure not only hadn’t decreased but had continued to rise. So I worried that I might suddenly die one day, and particularly when I saw some people who couldn’t take care of themselves due to complications from high blood pressure, I became even more worried that I might end up like them one day. Living in distress and anxiety, I was constantly seeking remedies and wasn’t in a mood to do my duties at all. I devoted all my energy to treating my illness, and I had no heart to learn the principles involved in my duties. I didn’t hurry to fellowship and resolve the newcomers’ issues, which affected the watering work. At this point, I finally realized that living in distress and anxiety only led to increasing panic and darkness, and that by constantly living in fear under the shadow of death, my heart was becoming increasingly distant from God. I didn’t want to live rebelliously like this anymore, so I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me out of the negative emotions of distress and anxiety.

Afterward, I came across these words from God: “Everyone’s lifespan has been predetermined by God. An illness may appear to be terminal from a medical standpoint, but from God’s point of view, if your life must still go on and your time has yet to come, then you couldn’t die even if you wanted to. If God has given you a commission, and your mission is not over, then you will not even die from an illness that is supposed to be fatal—God will not take you yet. Even if you do not pray and seek the truth, or do not attend to treating your illness, or even if you put off your treatment, you will not die. … Of course, people must have some common sense about maintaining their health during their life regardless of whether they become sick or not. This is the instinct that God has given to man. It is the reason and common sense that one should possess within the free will that God has given them. Once you are sick, you should understand some common sense regarding health care and treatment for dealing with this illness—this is what you should do. However, treating your illness in this way is not meant to challenge the lifespan set for you by God, nor is it to guarantee that you can live out the lifespan that He has set for you. What does this mean? It can be put this way: In a passive regard, if you do not take your illness seriously, if you do your duty however you should, and get a bit more rest than others, if you have not delayed your duty, your illness will not get worse, and it will not kill you. Everything depends on what God does. In other words, if, in God’s view, your predestined lifespan has not yet run its course, then, even if you get sick, He will not allow you to die. If your illness is not terminal, but your time has come, then God will take you away whenever He wants. Is this not completely at the mercy of God’s thought? It is at the mercy of His predetermination!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I understood that the length of a person’s life is predetermined by God, and it doesn’t depend on whether they are ill or not, or whether their illness is mild or severe. Just like my mother, ever since I could remember, she has always been ill, in and out of hospital and taking medicine for years. Everyone in the family said that my mother would surely not outlive my father because my father was in good health, and we hadn’t seen him take medicine in decades. But to our amazement, my father suddenly had a brain hemorrhage and died, while my mother, who has been constantly visiting the doctor, continues to live on. From these examples, I saw that when a person dies isn’t up to them. Even if a person isn’t ill, they will die if their lifespan is up, and if their lifespan hasn’t yet come to its end, they won’t die, even if they have a fatal illness. Everything is at the mercy of God’s predetermination. But I always wanted to grip my life and death in my own hands and control my destiny. I didn’t understand God’s almightiness and sovereignty. I was so ignorant and arrogant! Realizing this, I felt a deep sense of self-loathing, and I became willing to entrust my illness to God. At this moment, I felt liberated and was no longer so anxious or worried.

Later, the brothers and sisters sent me a passage of God’s words, and after reading God’s words, I finally understood that the advent of illness comes from God’s painstaking intention. God says: “When God arranges for someone to get an illness, whether major or minor, His purpose in doing so is not to make you appreciate the ins and outs of being sick, the harm the illness does to you, the inconveniences and difficulties the illness causes you, and all the myriad feelings the illness causes you to feel—His purpose is not for you to appreciate sickness through being sick. Rather, His purpose is for you to learn the lessons from sickness, to learn how to grasp God’s intentions, to know the corrupt dispositions you reveal and the wrong attitudes you adopt toward God when you’re sick, and to learn how to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, so that you can achieve true submission to God and be able to stand firm in your testimony—this is absolutely key. God wishes to save you and cleanse you through sickness. What about you does He wish to cleanse? He wishes to cleanse all your extravagant desires and demands toward God, and even cleanse the various plans, judgments, and schemes you make at all costs to survive and live. God does not ask you to make plans, He does not ask you to judge, and He does not allow you to have any extravagant desires toward Him; He requires only that you submit to Him and, in your practice and experience of submitting, to know your own attitude toward sickness, and to know your attitude toward these bodily conditions He gives to you, as well as your own personal wishes. When you come to know these things, you can then appreciate how beneficial it is for you that God has arranged the circumstances of the illness for you or that He has given you these bodily conditions; and you can appreciate just how helpful they are to changing your disposition, to you attaining salvation, and to your life entry” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). From God’s words, I understood that suffering from illness isn’t about looking for external objective reasons, nor is it about living in fear and struggling or trying to escape it. None of this is God’s intention. God’s intention is for people to learn lessons through illnesses, to understand God’s intention, reflect on and know their corruption, and to experience some changes in their life disposition. I thought about how I hadn’t understood or sought God’s intention during my illness, and instead lived in distress and anxiety, even complaining against God for not protecting me or healing my illness. This was completely against God’s intention. How could I understand myself and learn a lesson this way? Thinking about this, I began to reflect, “Why did I complain against God when my illness didn’t improve?” During my reflection, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of myself. God says: “So many believe in Me only that I might heal them. So many believe in Me only that I might use My power to drive unclean spirits out from their bodies, and so many believe in Me simply that they might receive peace and joy from Me. So many believe in Me only to demand from Me greater material wealth. So many believe in Me just to spend this life in peace and to be safe and sound in the world to come. So many believe in Me to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven. So many believe in Me only for temporary comfort, yet do not seek to gain anything in the world to come. When I grant My fury to people and seize all the joy and peace that they once possessed, they become doubtful. When I grant to people the suffering of hell and reclaim the blessings of heaven, they fly into a rage. When people ask Me to heal them, and I pay them no heed and feel abhorrence toward them, they depart from Me to instead seek the way of evil medicine and sorcery. When I take away all that people have demanded from Me, they all disappear without a trace. Thus, I say that people have faith in Me because My grace is too abundant, and because there are far too many benefits to gain” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). Reading God’s words, I felt deeply ashamed. What God exposed was exactly my state. Looking back, I initially believed in God to gain blessings and grace, thinking that as long as I believed in God and did my duties, He would watch over and protect me, ensuring I would live in peace and comfort without sickness or disaster. So when my condition worsened, I behaved uncharacteristically, complaining against God and arguing with Him, being perfunctory and irresponsible in my duties, and even considering giving up on them. I saw that I was seeking blessings through my faith in God, trying to exchange my duties, sacrifices, and expenditures for God’s protection and blessings, and hoping for my illness to be healed. This was deception and a blatant attempt to bargain with God. I was following the path of Paul. Paul worked and expended himself for years not to do his duty well as a created being to satisfy God, but to gain rewards and a crown. He finally expressed his true feelings by saying, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7–8). Paul worked for the Lord to demand a crown of righteousness and to seek blessings. In my faith and duties, I was also seeking blessings and peace, and when I didn’t get these things, I argued with and resisted God. I didn’t have a God-fearing heart. I saw how lacking in conscience, unreasonable, and despicable I had been! I was filled with remorse and guilt at that moment. I didn’t want to try to deceive or bargain with God anymore. I only wanted to do my duties well and comfort God’s heart. Later, when doing my duties, I often prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten and guide me, so that I could learn to reflect and understand myself through sickness. Without noticing, my state improved a lot, and I became motivated in my duties.

Later, when I went to the hospital for a check-up, I found my blood pressure was still quite high, and I couldn’t help but worry again, thinking, “If my blood pressure remains this high, will I suddenly die one day?” I realized that I was living in worry and anxiety again, so I turned to God’s words. Almighty God says: “Everyone must face death in this life, that is, death is what everyone must face at the end of their journey. However, there are many different attributes to death. One of these is, at the time predestined by God, you have completed your mission and God draws a line under your fleshly life, and your fleshly life comes to an end, though this doesn’t mean that your life is over. When a person is without flesh, their life is over—is that the case? (No.) The form in which your life exists after death depends on how you treated God’s work and words while you were alive—this is very important. The form in which you exist after death, or whether you will exist or not, will depend upon your attitude toward God and toward the truth while you are alive. If while you are alive, when you face death and all manner of illnesses, your attitude toward the truth is one of rebelliousness, opposition, and feeling averse toward the truth, then when it comes time for your fleshly life to be over, in what way will you exist after death? You will certainly exist in some other way, and your life will certainly not continue. Conversely, if while you are alive, when you have awareness in the flesh, your attitude toward the truth and toward God is one of submission and loyalty and you have true faith, then even though your fleshly life comes to an end, your life will go on to exist in a different form in another world. This is one explanation of death” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). From God’s words, I understood that the life and death of a person are predetermined by God, that everyone has to die, but that the nature of death and the outcome after death differ from person to person. This outcome depends on a person’s attitude toward the truth and their attitude toward their duties while they were alive. I thought of Peter. The Lord Jesus entrusted him with caring for and feeding His sheep, and Peter took the Lord Jesus’ commission as his lifelong mission. Regardless of persecution, tribulation, or the refining of illness, he never gave up his duties. Peter watered the believers and strengthened their faith, until the moment his life ended with him being crucified upside down. Peter faced death without fear, and he completed the mission given to him by God at the cost of his entire life and received God’s approval. I also thought of Paul, who, after being struck down by God’s great light, suffered a lot to preach the gospel of the Lord. But he viewed his suffering as a condition for gaining blessings and as a bargaining chip to claim a crown from God. His efforts were an attempt to bargain with God, with the intention of gaining blessings for himself, not of fulfilling the mission of a created being; he was rebelling against and resisting God. He not only didn’t receive God’s approval but was condemned instead. From the examples of Peter and Paul, I understood that living one’s life fully dedicated to doing duties, without personal requests or demands, is the most valuable and meaningful thing. This is what a created being should do and this is what meets with God’s approval. On reflection, I saw my attitude toward my duties was just like Paul’s. I viewed sacrifices and expenditures as a way to obtain blessings, hoping that God would heal me, and complaining against God when I didn’t get what I wanted. If I kept living only to satisfy the flesh like this, then even if I were healthy and free from disease or disaster, if my corrupt disposition remained unchanged and I still resisted God, then wouldn’t I just be living like a walking corpse? What meaning would this have? I had to follow Peter’s example. Although I don’t have Peter’s caliber or his humanity, I had to do my best to do my duties well, performing the function of a created being to satisfy God, so that even if I died one day, I would have no regrets, and at least my soul would be at ease and at peace. From then on, when I did my duties, I felt much more at ease, and I no longer felt constrained by my illness. Sometimes when I felt dizzy while doing my duties, I took an appropriate rest, I took medicine as prescribed, and I got up to exercise and stretch if I felt uncomfortable from sitting too long. I tried not to delay my duties. I was no longer bothered by the effort of addressing issues in work when brothers and sisters sought help, and I did my best to fellowship and resolve issues. When I devoted my heart to my duties, sometimes I would unknowingly work late into the night without feeling dizzy, and eventually, I stopped taking medicine. Not only did my condition not worsen, but I also felt more relaxed. It turned out that high blood pressure wasn’t as terrifying as I imagined. It was God’s words that helped me escape from the distress, anxiety, and worry of illness, and led me out of my negative state. Thank Almighty God!