65. Pursuing Fame and Gain Has Truly Wrecked Me

By Zhongcheng, China

When I was still young, my two cousins had already achieved success at a young age, and owned cars and houses. During every New Year, when we visited relatives, they would constantly praise my cousins and cast admiring glances their way. The outstanding impressions of my cousins became etched deeply in my heart. At that time, my family was the poorest among our relatives and people looked down on us. So I envied my cousins for being able to attract others’ attention wherever they went. I felt that this was how to live with dignity and value. I secretly vowed to myself, “In the future, I will definitely stand out and achieve something, and I’ll make my relatives and friends admire me.”

At the age of sixteen, I, still naive, embarked on my working journey with dreams in my heart. I experienced the difficulties of finding work alone in the unfamiliar city of Guangzhou, and I even had to sleep next to flower beds near the train station because I had no money. My ideals were beautiful, but reality was harsh, and no matter how hard I worked, I could never earn much money. At that time, my mom preached Almighty God’s gospel of the last days to me, and I attended gatherings for a while, but because I wanted to make money and live a superior life, I continued to go elsewhere to work. In 2014, I joined a well-known chain company as a salesperson, thinking to myself, “Lots of celebrities and wealthy people start in sales. Sales not only trains people but also enhances one’s business skills.” With this in mind, I passionately immersed myself in the work. To achieve results, I often traveled across provinces and cities for business trips, working day and night, almost never eating on time or sleeping properly. As someone who already gets motion sickness, I felt dizzy and exhausted from traveling every day. In summer, as I’d look for goods in the truck, I would be drenched in sweat, my pants clinging to my legs as if they had just been washed. One winter, the windshield of my car broke, and I drove over a hundred kilometers against the biting cold wind and snow. After getting out of the car, I was so frozen that I could not walk steadily. I firmly believed that “those who endure hardships can drive a Land Rover,” and that the hardships I was enduring today paved the way for tomorrow’s success. I aimed to achieve my dreams through my own efforts. In the company, I interacted with many brand managers, and I envied those impeccably dressed elites, hoping that one day I could be a brand manager too, and earn the admiration and praise of others.

Two years passed in the blink of an eye, and I was finally promoted to brand manager. After that, I was crowned department sales champion multiple times and was rated as an excellent brand manager. Colleagues looked at me with envy and said, “This brand can’t function without you.” The factory manager also often took me out for social engagements and frequently brought me gifts. My vanity was satisfied, and I was extremely happy. I felt that my work capabilities were strong, and I walked with a sense of confidence. Driven by my ambition, the title of brand manager was no longer enough for me, and I wanted to climb another step, so that my wealthy and powerful relatives would see I was better than them. Due to frequent business trips and social engagements, I felt completely worn out and exhausted every day, and no amount of sleep could make up for it. My skin condition began to flare up, and I could only rely on ointments for temporary relief. I also considered going home to take care of my health, but when I thought about how much effort I’d put in to achieve what I had, I knew that once I took time off to go back, the brand I was responsible for would be taken over by someone else, and then I’d lose my managerial position, and all the glory and praise would disappear. I decided that I couldn’t give up so easily, and that no matter how tough things got, I had to persevere.

Later, a provincial manager from a rice noodle factory called me, wanting to hand over the rice noodle sales business for two cities to me. I thought to myself, “If I do well, I might become a provincial manager in the future. To stand out, I must dare to take on the challenge of a higher position.” So I resigned from my job that I’d had for many years, and became the city manager of the rice noodle factory. When people in the village heard that I’d become the city manager, they said to me with envy, “Once you’ve established yourself, please let my child work with you.” Hearing this made me feel very pleased, and my vanity was satisfied. I just hoped that one day I could become a provincial manager, at which point no matter where I went, others would call me an elite, and my relatives would be sure to look at me in a new light. These thoughts really excited me. But unexpectedly, something unforeseen happened. In early 2021, the overall sales of the factory dropped significantly, and I looked on anxiously at batch after batch of rice noodles nearing expiration. Plus, all the business trips, late nights, and irregular meals gave me gastrointestinal dysfunction and daily diarrhea. Worse still, my psoriasis worsened significantly, and my skin itched unbearably. My scalp became covered with thick scabs and burned like crazy, becoming so hard that even blinking was difficult. I went to many places for treatment, but none of the medication and injections worked. I was tortured by my condition to the point of utter exhaustion. But all this heartache, pain, and weakness were things I couldn’t share with others, as I was afraid they would mock or belittle me. When I just couldn’t bear it, I would call my mom to vent my frustrations, and every time my mom would say, “Just stop working and come back!” But with how hard I worked to get to this position, how could I just let it all go? I just couldn’t bear to do that. There was still faith in my heart, and I remembered the aphorism: “Life is like an ant, but one should have the ambition of a swan, and though life may be thin as paper, one should have an indomitable spirit.” I thought, “Since I want to stand out and achieve great things, surely suffering is inevitable.” Thus, I endured until June, but the factory’s performance still didn’t improve. After a while, my psoriasis continued to worsen, and it spread to my entire face. I wore a mask while visiting stores and organizing events, and the staff avoided me when they saw me. I felt very distressed, thinking, “I’ve been fighting hard every day and bearing such great pressure, yet this is the result. Is my struggle really worth it?” A few days later, a colleague called to tell me that our leader had been diagnosed with cancer and was undergoing treatment in the hospital. After hanging up, I couldn’t calm down for a long time. I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my face covered in red spots, and I sank into deep thought, “The provincial manager is only in her forties; how could something so life-threatening have happened so suddenly? She earned a lot of money and had her share of glory, but no matter how much money she made or how renowned she was, it couldn’t buy back her health. I’m only in my thirties, and my body is already plagued with so many problems. If I carry on like this, will I end up like her? If I risk my health to achieve such results, what meaning is there in money and high regard?” Over those next few days, I felt utterly confused and helpless, as if I couldn’t move forward in life. Under the twin pressure of physical pain and mental strain, I resigned from my job, and with a heavy heart, I chose to go home to treat my illness.

After returning home, I spent my days frowning and feeling distressed, thinking, “After all these years of struggle, it feels like I’m back where I started. I’ve lost all my fame and gain, and I’ve ended up with a body full of sickness. How can I go on?” My mom saw that I was unhappy and gave me some guidance, fellowshipping that we can’t control our destiny and that everything is ordained by God. Then she read me some of God’s words. Almighty God says: “What occupation one chooses, how one makes a living: do people have any control over whether they make a good choice or a bad choice in these things? Do these things accord with people’s desires and decisions? Most people have the following wishes: to work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, to dress well, to glow and shine everywhere, to tower above others, and to bring honor to their ancestors. People hope for perfection, but when they take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future and though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize their own dreams, and no one is in a position to control their own future. There will always be some distance between one’s dreams and the realities that one must confront; things are never as one would like them to be, and faced with such realities, people can never achieve satisfaction or contentment. Some people will go to any length imaginable, will put forth great efforts and make great sacrifices for the sake of their livelihoods and future, in an attempt to change their own fate. But in the end, even if they can realize their dreams and desires by means of their own hard work, they can never change their fates, and no matter how doggedly they try, they can never exceed what destiny has allotted them. Regardless of differences in ability, intelligence, and willpower, people are all equal before fate, which does not distinguish between the great and the small, the high and the low, the exalted and the mean. What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). God’s words are so true. Everyone wants to live a good life and is working hard to achieve this, but ultimately, a person’s destiny isn’t something they can decide. I thought about my cousins. They hadn’t worked that hard, yet they were able to become leaders in any industry they worked in and enjoy good benefits. I struggled for over ten years to achieve the same success as them, but all I gained was a body full of sickness, and the money I’d earned all ended up being spent on hospital fees. Then I remembered a previous employee. Their sales performance wasn’t impressive, but they received over ten houses as compensation for relocation. It made me realize that what is meant to be will be, and that no matter how hard we work, if something is not meant for us, it is all in vain. A person’s fate isn’t in their hands, and no amount of effort can change it. Later, the brothers and sisters heard about my situation and fellowshipped with me, saying that this illness was also permitted by God, and that without this suffering, I might not have returned to God. I felt very touched. I remembered that I had believed in God before but left midway in pursuit of wealth, fame, and gain. If I hadn’t gotten sick, I might still be out wandering and lost in this world. After all these years, God still hadn’t abandoned me, and through this illness, He had brought me back into His house to continue believing in Him. This illness truly was God’s salvation for me, and I was truly grateful to God. After that, I actively attended gatherings and ate and drank God’s words.

During one gathering, a sister read two passages from God’s words. God says: “People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves. Once someone is mired in fame and gain, they no longer seek that which is bright, that which is just, or those things that are beautiful and good. This is because the seductive power that fame and gain have over people is too great; they become things for people to pursue throughout their lives and even for all eternity without end. Is this not true?(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain. Looking now at Satan’s actions, are its sinister motives not utterly detestable? Maybe today you still cannot see through Satan’s sinister motives because you think one cannot live without fame and gain. You think that if people leave fame and gain behind, they will no longer be able to see the way ahead, no longer be able to see their goals, that their futures will become dark, dim and gloomy. But, slowly, you will all one day recognize that fame and gain are massive shackles that Satan uses to bind man. When that day comes, you will thoroughly resist Satan’s control and thoroughly resist the shackles Satan uses to bind you. When the time comes that you wish to throw off all the things Satan has instilled in you, you will then make a clean break with Satan and you will truly loathe all that Satan has brought to you. Only then will mankind have a real love and yearning for God(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). God’s words moved me deeply. It was as if I had just awakened from a dream. I realized that the fame and gain I had pursued since childhood were traps set by Satan. I used to think that pursuing fame and gain was justified, that living means not just being satisfied with filling one’s belly, but pursuing fame and gain, and that only by living this way can one live with dignity and value. Now I understood that pursuing wealth, fame, and gain is like a moth flying into a flame; it seems like everything you see is bright, but when you actually dive in, you might lose your life. Looking back, I realized I had absorbed various satanic ideologies from a young age, such as “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” “A good man aims for the four corners of the world,” and so on. Influenced by these views, I set myself lofty ideals and aspirations from an early age, and began traveling around in my teens, looking for opportunities to realize my dreams. Despite numerous failures, I never gave up. Especially when I heard the popular saying, “Life is like an ant, but one should have the ambition of a swan, and though life may be thin as paper, one should have an indomitable spirit,” I resolved to make a name for myself, become a person of renown, and earn people’s admiration. Looking back, I was deeply tormented by illness and could only rely on medication to survive, but to achieve the admiration I sought, I overcame many difficulties, and after several years of effort, I finally became a brand manager and earned the admiration of others. Yet, I still wasn’t satisfied. To become a provincial manager and make my relatives see me in a new light, I quit my job of many years to become a city manager. When sales declined, I thought of all kinds of possible solutions, facing pressure and the pain of my illness every day while researching marketing strategies. I felt exhausted and worn out, but it wasn’t until my body gave out completely that I temporarily quit my job. I expended myself in my entirety and exhausted my health in the desperate pursuit of fame and gain, but all I gained was suffering. Pursuing money, fame, and gain truly harmed me! Although I knew that God expresses the truth in the last days to do the work of saving people, I was led around by fame and gain like a dog on a chain, and had no desire to come before God. I spent over a decade pursuing fame and gain, and I just kept growing ever further from God. If it weren’t for this illness, I would have continued in this pursuit, and ultimately, it would have led to my destruction. It was God’s words that helped me see clearly the suffering brought about by the pursuit of fame and gain, and I became willing to let go of these things from my heart and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

Later, I read two more passages from God’s words, and my heart became even brighter. Almighty God says: “Because of the Creator’s sovereignty and predestination, a lonely soul that started out with absolutely nothing gains parents and a family, the chance to become a member of the human race, and the chance to experience human life and journey through the human world; it also gains the chance to experience the Creator’s sovereignty, to come to know the wonders of the Creator’s creation, and more than that, the chance to come to know and surrender to the Creator’s authority. Yet most people do not truly seize this rare and fleeting opportunity. People exhaust a lifetime of energy fighting against fate, and spend their whole lives bustling about trying to provide for their families and rushing back and forth for the sake of prestige and profit. The things that people treasure are family love, money, and fame and gain, and they view these as the most valuable things in life. All people complain about being ill-fated, yet still they push to the back of their minds the issues that people ought most to understand and explore: why man is alive, how man should live, and what the value and meaning of human life are. They spend their entire lives, however long they may last, merely rushing about seeking fame and gain, until their youth is gone and they have become gray and wrinkled, until they realize that fame and gain cannot stop them from getting old, that money cannot fill the emptiness of their hearts, and until they understand that no one can escape the laws of birth, aging, sickness, and death, and that no one can cast off the arrangements of fate. Only when they have to confront life’s final juncture do they truly grasp that even if one owns vast wealth and extensive assets, even if one is privileged and of high rank, one still cannot escape death and must return to their original position: a solitary soul, with nothing to its name(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). “People spend their lives chasing after money and fame; they clutch at these straws, thinking they are their only means of support, as if by having them they could live on, exempt from death. But only when they are about to die do they realize how distant these things are from them, how weak they are in the face of death, how easily they shatter, how lonely and helpless they are, with nowhere to turn. They realize that life cannot be bought with money or fame, that no matter how wealthy a person may be, no matter how lofty their position, all are equally poor and insignificant in the face of death. They realize that money cannot buy life, that fame cannot erase death, that neither money nor fame can lengthen a person’s life by a single minute, a single second. The more people feel this way, the more they yearn to keep on living; the more people feel this way, the more they dread the approach of death. Only at this point do they truly realize that their lives do not belong to them, are not theirs to control, and that one has no say over whether one lives or dies—that all of this lies outside of one’s control(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). God’s words of fellowship are so clear. Money, fame, and gain can’t buy a person’s life, nor can they spare one from death, and in the end, the pursuit of these things is empty. I used to think that having fame and gain could give my life value, that these things were meaningful, and so I always considered getting ahead as my ideal. Over the years, I suffered so much to obtain fame and gain. It seemed that I was earning money, dressing in fine suits, and gaining the admiration of others, but it was only when I got sick that I realized that money, fame, and gain, as well as others’ praise, could do nothing to alleviate my suffering, nor could they restore my health. I thought of the provincial manager in her forties who got cancer, and the chairman who passed away due to illness. They had both fame and gain, but in death, they couldn’t take any of this with them. Despite frantically earning vast sums of money, they died empty-handed. What then was the significance of pursuing fame and gain? Just as the Lord Jesus said: “What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?(Matthew 16:26).

One day, I heard a church hymn titled “O God, I’m So Indebted to You,” and the second verse really moved me. It says: “I used to toil and rush about for fame, gain, and status, unable to resist Satan’s temptations or enticements. Fraught by worry and indecision, I lost my way, but God’s words guided me back on the right path in life. O God! I rebel against and hurt You so deeply. Only through Your judgment did I awaken and realize how valuable it is to gain the truth. I hate myself for being so numb, for realizing too late. O God! I will seek fame, gain, and status no more, I’m ready to practice the truth and do my duty well. O God! Please judge me and cleanse my corruption, let me be purified and live out a human likeness” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs). This hymn brought back my painful memories, and images of my pursuit of fame and gain drifted through my mind. I used to rush around in pursuit of fame and gain, growing further and further from God under the temptation of fame and gain. I endured so much suffering and hardship to attain fame and gain, and my journey had been filled with heartache and pain. But God’s love had come to me once again, and despite my rebellion against God for so many years, He still hadn’t given up on me, and allowed me to return to His house. Just thinking about this brought tears to my eyes, and feelings of indebtedness to God flooded my heart. I thought that from then on, I had to believe in God properly and repay His love.

Later, I did my duties in the church. One time, I read a passage of God’s words: “Created beings live under the Creator’s dominion, and they accept all that is provided by God and everything that comes from God, so they should fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. This is perfectly natural and justified, and was ordained by God. From this it can be seen that, for people to perform the duty of a created being is more just, beautiful, and noble than anything else done while living on earth; nothing among humankind is more meaningful or worthy, and nothing brings greater meaning and worth to the life of a created person, than performing the duty of a created being. … On the basis that created beings perform their duties, the Creator has done even greater work among humankind, and He has carried out a further stage of work on people. And what work is that? He provides humankind with the truth, allowing them to gain the truth from Him as they perform their duties and thereby to cast off their corrupt dispositions and be purified. Thus, they come to satisfy God’s intentions and embark on the right path in life, and, ultimately, they are able to fear God and shun evil, attain complete salvation, and no longer be subjected to Satan’s afflictions. This is the effect that God would have humankind achieve in the end by performing their duties. Therefore, during the process of performing your duty, God does not merely make you see one thing clearly and understand a little truth, nor does He merely let you enjoy the grace and blessings you receive by performing your duty as a created being. Rather, He allows you to be purified and saved, and, ultimately, come to live in the light of the face of the Creator(The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Seven)). After reading God’s words, I understood that as a created being, I should do my duties, and that this is the responsibility and obligation of a human. Only by doing my duties can I have the opportunity to gain the truth and the life, cast off my corrupt disposition, be cleansed and transformed, and ultimately receive God’s salvation. Doing one’s duties well is the most important and valuable thing in life. From then on, I ate and drank God’s words daily, and my heart was filled with peace and joy. In the course of my duties, whenever I revealed my corruption, I read God’s words to reflect on and know myself, thereby resolving my corrupt disposition. These things were all the fruits of doing my duties. After some time, my health also improved.

In 2022, after the Spring Festival, my cousin called me and said that the manager of my previous company had been transferred, and the vice president wanted me to come back as the manager. Hearing my cousin say this, I thought, “I’ve worked hard in this company for many years. If I don’t go back, all my connections will be lost. Besides, this brand is in a field with great potential for the company’s development, and it’s a managerial position. Not only will this bring me prestige, but I’ll also be interacting with middle and senior management, earning me fame and gain. This is a position that many people envy, and if I don’t accept it, I might not have such an opportunity again. But this job is very busy, and I wouldn’t have any time to read God’s words or do my duties.” I then recalled the pain brought to me before by my pursuit of fame and gain, and I didn’t want to return to the secular world and continue to be harmed by Satan. So I declined the position. My cousin was astonished and kept reminding me that such an opportunity was rare, and he told me to think it over and reply tomorrow. At that moment, I thought, “I’ve already been away from the company for over a year, so how come they suddenly want me to be a manager again after I’ve only just started doing my duties?” It became clear to me that this was Satan’s temptation, and I thought of what God said: “In every step of work that God does on people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a wager with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men and the disturbance of men. Behind every step of work that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). On the surface, it was my cousin asking me to go back as a manager, but in reality, this was Satan’s trickery. Satan was trying to use this to pull me back onto the path of pursuing fame and gain. At that time, I was doing my duty of watering others, and there were some newcomers who needed to be watered and supported. I couldn’t abandon my duty just because of work. Now, God’s work is coming to an end, and it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to be able to believe in God and do my duty. I must spend my time on doing my duty and pursuing the truth. This is more valuable than being a manager. The next day, I turned down my cousin’s offer and felt a great sense of ease in my heart. Although I’m not a manager now and my life isn’t as glamorous, my life is stable. I have food and clothing, and I can get by. I am willing to spend all my days doing my duty and earnestly pursuing the truth to satisfy God.

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Next: 66. Gaining Recognition of My Feelings of Inferiority

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