By Tong Ling, China

In September 2023, I was responsible for the watering work of several churches. After a while, more people accepted God’s new work, and these churches needed some more waterers. Every day, in addition to watering newcomers, I also had to cultivate the newly selected waterers. Since they had all just started training, I had to teach them in a hands-on way in every aspect, and provide detailed fellowship. During the day, I went out to water newcomers, and in the evening, I had to provide fellowship on the issues and difficulties faced by the waterers. Sometimes, fellowshipping on a single issue took several hours, and at times, when their states were poor, I had to find God’s words to fellowship and resolve their issues, which led to lots of late nights. Over time, I came to feel that cultivating people was a real hassle. It exhausted me not only physically, but mentally as well. Ever since I’d started cultivating waterers, my work-rest balance had been disrupted. Sometimes I just wanted to tell them to leave me alone, but I was worried that this might cause them to feel constrained, so I’d hold my tongue. At that time, the CCP was rampantly arresting believers, and the newcomers under the care of waterer Tian Yun had become fearful and negative. I had to communicate with Tian Yun almost every day about the newcomers’ issues and I was constantly on edge. The team leader wrote to ask me to set up a plan, estimating how long the waterers needed to be cultivated before they could water newcomers independently. As I looked at all of the difficulties in the work, and the many follow-up letters about the work, I couldn’t hold on any longer. I thought, “It was so much better just watering newcomers before. Although there were many newcomers to water, at least I had some spare time, and sometimes I could even chat with the host sisters. Ever since I started cultivating waterers, I haven’t been able to go to bed early at night and I’ve had to wake up early in the mornings. My rest-work balance has been ruined and I’ve had to expend so much mental and physical effort. When will these days come to an end? If this continues, won’t my body just fall apart? Perhaps I should talk to the leader and tell her I can’t do this duty and ask to return to a single-task role?” But then I thought, “The waterers in these churches are all newly selected, and they don’t yet grasp the principles of watering newcomers. Wouldn’t resigning now mean I would be abandoning my duty and betraying God?” Thinking this, I dared not resign, but I didn’t devote myself to the work of cultivating as much as I had before. For instance, in cultivating Tian Yun, I knew she had just started training, and it was best to directly guide her through fellowshipping on issues and difficulties with the newcomers, but I didn’t want to exert so much effort, so I’d just analyze the newcomers’ states with her, help her find some passages of God’s words, and let her fellowship and resolve the issues herself. Sometimes I clearly saw that some waterers were in poor states, but I turned a blind eye, thinking, “Just watering newcomers keeps me busy enough. If I ask about your states, I will surely be in for another heap of problems, and I’d have to take on such a mental burden and fellowship to solve these issues. How much brainpower would that take!” So I’d just ignore these things. Some waterers would ask me questions and I wouldn’t fellowship with them as attentively as before, and I’d just have them go off on their own to pray to God and rely on God to seek solutions. After a while, some waterers fell into poor states due to their inability to resolve the newcomers’ issues, and they were wallowing in their difficulties. Seeing so many issues to resolve, I felt really repressed and pained, and I kept wanting to escape this environment.

One day, I heard that Sister Lu Mei had been reassigned in her duty due to poor caliber, and that her workload had been reduced. I thought, “If I could do a lighter duty as well, I wouldn’t have to worry so much or endure so much suffering.” At that moment, I suddenly realized that my state was wrong, and I thought, “Doesn’t my constant desire to abandon my duty mean I’m betraying God?” I prayed to God, “God, my thoughts are so depraved. You have elevated me to do such an important duty, yet I am ungrateful and envious of the sister who has been reassigned in her duty. I truly don’t know what’s good for me! God, I’ve been doing my duty unwillingly, constantly feeling physically and mentally exhausted. I know this state is wrong, but I still don’t know how to resolve it. Please guide me out of this state.” After that, I talked to the leader about my state. She found a few passages of God’s words for me, and some of these words left a deep impression on me: “There’s also when people always complain about difficulties while doing their duty, when they don’t want to put any effort in, when, as soon as they have a little downtime, they take a rest, chatter idly, or partake in leisure and entertainment. And when work picks up and it breaks the rhythm and routine of their lives, they are unhappy and dissatisfied with it. They grumble and complain, and they become perfunctory in doing their duty. This is coveting the comforts of the flesh, is it not?” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (2)). What God’s words exposed was exactly my state. At first, when I was watering newcomers, the workload was light and not too physically strenuous, so I was willing to cooperate. But as the workload increased, and I also had to cultivate waterers and resolve their issues through fellowship, I felt that my body was suffering, so I felt unhappy, whined, complained, and even wanted to abandon my duty. Weren’t these just manifestations of my coveting for physical comfort?

Later, I came across another passage of God’s words that matched my state perfectly. Almighty God says: “If people constantly seek physical comfort and happiness, if they constantly pursue physical happiness and comfort, and don’t wish to suffer, then even a little bit of physical suffering, suffering a bit more than others, or feeling a bit more overworked than usual, would make them feel repressed. This is one of the causes of repression. If people do not consider a small amount of physical suffering a big deal, and they do not pursue physical comfort, but instead pursue the truth and seek to fulfill their duties in order to satisfy God, then they often will not feel physical suffering. Even if they occasionally feel a bit busy, tired, or worn out, after they go to sleep they will wake up feeling better, and then they will continue with their work. Their focus will be on their duties and their work; they won’t consider a bit of physical fatigue a significant issue. However, when a problem arises in people’s thinking and they constantly pursue physical comfort, any time that their physical bodies are slightly wronged or cannot find satisfaction, certain negative emotions will arise within them. So, why will this kind of person, who always wants to do as they please and to indulge their flesh and enjoy life, often find themselves trapped in this negative emotion of repression whenever they are unsatisfied? (It is because they pursue comfort and physical enjoyment.) That is true for some people” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). After reading God’s words, I had a clearer understanding of my state. I always felt repressed and pained because I constantly pursued physical comfort and pleasure, and I didn’t want to let my body suffer even a little. The direction and the goals of my pursuit were wrong. If the goal of my pursuit were to do my duty well to satisfy God, and I regarded my duty as my responsibility and obligation, then I would have been willing to endure any suffering to do my duty well, and I wouldn’t have felt repressed just because of a little suffering. When the workload was light and the physical suffering was minimal, I could still submit, but when the workload increased and I had to rein in my flesh, I felt physically and mentally exhausted, as if a mountain were pressing down upon me. I complained that this duty was too tiring and painful, and treated it perfunctorily and irresponsibly. I even hoped to be reassigned to a lighter duty, and always wished that I wouldn’t have to go through so much physical suffering, and that I could do an easy duty and still be saved by God in the end. Wasn’t this just a pipe dream?

Later, I thought, “I’ve believed in God for so many years and I’ve always been doing my duty in the church, so how come when I’m faced with some difficulties and a bit of pressure in my duty, I start feeling repressed and even think about abandoning my duty?” I read two passages of God’s words: “To reach an understanding of natures, in addition to unearthing the things people are fond of in their natures, several of the most important aspects pertaining to their natures also need to be unearthed. For example, people’s viewpoints on things, people’s methods and goals in life, people’s life values and outlook on life, as well as views and ideas on all things relating to truth. These are all things deep within people’s souls and they have a direct relationship with the transformation of disposition. What, then, is corrupt mankind’s outlook on life? It can be said to be this: ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’ People all live for themselves; to put it frankly, they are living for the flesh. They are living just to put food in their mouths. How does this existence differ from that of the animals? There is no value whatsoever in living like this, let alone any meaning. One’s outlook on life is about what you rely on to live in the world, what you live for, and how you live—and these are all things to do with the essence of human nature. Through dissecting people’s natures, you will see that people all resist God. They are all devils and there is no genuinely good person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Should Be Known About Transforming One’s Disposition). “Man’s flesh is like the snake: Its substance is to harm their lives—and when it completely gets its own way, your life becomes forfeit. The flesh belongs to Satan. Within it are extravagant desires, it thinks only for itself, it wants to enjoy comfort and revel in leisure, wallowing in sloth and idleness, and having satisfied it to a certain point you will ultimately be eaten up by it. Which is to say, if you satisfy it this time, next time it will come asking for more. It always has extravagant desires and new demands, and takes advantage of your pandering to the flesh to make you cherish it even more and live among its comforts—and if you do not overcome it, you will ultimately ruin yourself. Whether you can gain life before God and what your ultimate outcome will be, depend on how you carry out your rebellion against the flesh. God has saved you and chosen you and predestined you, yet if today you are unwilling to satisfy Him, you are unwilling to put the truth into practice, you are unwilling to rebel against your own flesh with a genuine God-loving heart, ultimately you will ruin yourself, and will thus endure extreme pain. If you always pander to the flesh, Satan will gradually swallow you up, and leave you without life, or the touch of the Spirit, until the day comes when you are completely dark inside. When you live in darkness, you will have been taken captive by Satan, you will no longer have God in your heart, and at that time you will deny God’s existence and leave Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). After reading God’s words, I gained some understanding of the root and serious consequences of coveting comfort and ease. I lived by fallacious ideas and viewpoints like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Life is all about eating well and dressing nice,” and “Treat yourself well, and enjoy your life.” I was unwilling to endure even a little suffering in my duty, and I planned and considered everything with my physical comfort in mind. The church arranged for me to water newcomers and cultivate waterers. This was my responsibility. But I always felt that my duty was exhausting and that it caused me losses, so I would do it perfunctorily. Even when I saw some waterers with poor states, I wouldn’t fellowship with them to resolve their states. Some newcomers feared being arrested, so they became negative and weak, and Tian Yun, who had just started training, couldn’t fellowship the truth clearly. I should have guided her to support the newcomers together, but I coveted physical comfort and did not actually guide Tian Yun to fellowship with them, which led to the newcomers’ issues remaining unresolved, and Tian Yun wallowing in difficulties. This not only impaired the newcomers’ life but also delayed the cultivation of waterers, and meanwhile, I lived in darkness and unbearable pain, almost abandoning my duty and betraying God. Only then did I see just how severe the consequences of coveting comfort were. If I didn’t change, I would ultimately come to ruin. God’s house had cultivated me for so many years, but now that many newcomers in the church needed watering, I didn’t think about how to pay the price to water the newcomers well and cultivate the waterers. Instead, I evaded hard work, and at critical moments I shrank back in the face of difficulty and resorted to laziness. I was truly selfish and despicable! At the same time, I also understood that God had arranged this environment not to deliberately make things hard for me, but to use it to reveal my corruption, and to make me rebel against my flesh, rid myself of these depraved thoughts and views instilled by Satan, live according to God’s words, and pursue being a person with humanity. This was God’s salvation for me!

I then read God’s words again: “Those who truly believe in God are all individuals who attend to their proper work, they are all willing to perform their duties, capable of shouldering a piece of work and doing it well according to their caliber and the regulations of God’s house. Of course, it may be challenging to adapt to this life at first. You may feel physically and mentally exhausted. However, if you truly have the resolve to cooperate and the willingness to become a normal and good person, and to achieve salvation, then you must pay a bit of a price and allow God to discipline you. When you have the urge to be willful, you must rebel against it and let go of it, gradually reducing your willfulness and selfish desires. You must seek God’s help in crucial matters, at crucial times, and in crucial tasks. If you do have resolve, then you should ask God to chasten and discipline you, and to enlighten you so that you may understand the truth, that way you will get better results. If you genuinely have resolve, and you pray to God in His presence and supplicate to Him, God will act. He will change your state and your thoughts. If the Holy Spirit does a little work, moving you a little, and enlightening you a little, your heart will change, and your state will be transformed. When this transformation occurs, you will feel that living this way is not repressive. Your repressed state and emotions will be transformed and alleviated, and they will be different from before. You will feel that living like this is not tiring. You will find enjoyment performing your duty in the house of God. You will feel that it is good living, comporting yourself, and performing your duty in this way, enduring hardships and paying a price, following the rules, and doing things based on the principles. You will feel that this is the kind of life that normal people should have. When you live by the truth and perform your duty well, you will feel that your heart is steady and at peace, and that your life is meaningful. … Every adult must shoulder an adult’s responsibilities, regardless of how much pressure they face, such as hardships, illnesses, and even various difficulties—these are things that everyone should experience and bear. They are a part of a normal person’s life. If you cannot bear pressure or endure suffering, it means that you are too fragile and useless. Whoever lives must bear this suffering, and no one can avoid it. Whether in society or in God’s house, it is the same for everyone. This is the responsibility you should bear, the heavy burden that an adult should carry, the thing that they should shoulder, and you should not evade it. If you always try to escape or cast off all of this, then your repressive emotions will come out, and you will always be entangled by them. However, if you can properly comprehend and accept all of this, and view it as a necessary part of your life and existence, then these issues should not be a reason for you to develop negative emotions. In one respect, you must learn to shoulder the responsibilities and obligations that adults ought to have and undertake. In another respect, you should learn to coexist harmoniously with others in your living and working environment with normal humanity. Do not simply do what you please. What is the purpose of harmonious coexistence? It is to better complete the work and to better fulfill the obligations and responsibilities that you, as an adult, ought to complete and fulfill, to minimize the losses caused by the problems you face in your work, and to maximize the results and efficiency of your work. This is what you ought to achieve. If you possess normal humanity, you should accomplish this when working among people. As for work pressure, whether it comes from the Above or from God’s house, or if it is pressure put upon you by your brothers and sisters, it is something that you should bear. You cannot say, ‘This is too much pressure, so I won’t do it. I am just seeking leisure, ease, happiness, and comfort in doing my duty and working in God’s house.’ This will not work; it is not a thought that a normal adult should possess, and God’s house is not a place for you to indulge in comfort. Every person takes on a certain amount of pressure and risk in their life and work. In any job, especially performing your duty in God’s house, you should strive for optimal results” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). From God’s words, I understood God’s requirements for people. As an adult with normal humanity, one should shoulder their responsibilities and do their duties well, which requires suffering, paying a price, and putting effort into the truth principles. They shouldn’t constantly consider their flesh. This is the attitude one should have toward their duties. I thought about how some brothers and sisters are serving as leaders, supervisors, gospel workers, or doing general affairs duties in the church, and how, regardless of their age, they all shoulder their own work and fulfill their responsibilities, while I was constantly complaining and failing to shoulder my own responsibility and duty. I felt so ashamed. After following God for so many years and enjoying so much watering and sustenance from God’s words, I hadn’t been considerate of God’s intentions, and always wanted to covet physical comfort. I was truly unworthy of being called human! The church arranged for me to water newcomers and also cultivate waterers. This was God’s elevation of me. I should consider how to do my duty well, and quickly cultivate the waterers. I also understood that no matter what difficulties or how much suffering I encounter, it isn’t a reason to refuse my commission, and it certainly shouldn’t lead to feeling repressed. Instead, I should rely on God and seek the truth to resolve these difficulties.

After a while, I found that a newcomer, Sister Tingting, had good comprehension and was suitable for cultivating. However, considering that I was already cultivating some waterers, and was responsible for watering newcomers, if I also cultivated Tingting, I would have even less time to relax. Moreover, Tingting had just come to believe in God six months ago, she didn’t understand many truths, and it would require a lot of effort to cultivate her, so I decided to have other waterers cultivate her. Later, I realized that this state of mine was wrong, and that I still didn’t want to worry about things, pay a price, or feel exhausted and suffer. I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Something happens that requires you to endure hardship, at which time you should understand what God’s intentions are and how you should be considerate of His intentions. You must not satisfy yourself: First put yourself to one side. Nothing is more abject than the flesh. You must seek to satisfy God, and you must fulfill your duty. With such thoughts, God will bring especial enlightenment to you in this matter, and your heart will also find comfort” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). I realized that I shouldn’t just cater to my fleshly comfort. I should consider how to satisfy God and benefit the church’s work. Tingting had good caliber, a pure understanding, and a strong drive to seek, and if cultivated, she could shoulder some work. I had to get her doing duties as soon as possible. This would benefit the work and also help her life growth. Afterward, I made an effort to find time to fellowship with Tingting and guide her on how to do the watering duty. Although sometimes I felt quite tired and faced difficulties, I no longer felt repressed but instead rebelled against my flesh to actually cooperate. This change in me was the result of God’s words. Thank God!