By Jian Xi, China

I’m responsible for the gospel work in my church. In February 2023, the leader told me that the watering deacon Brother Wang Tao had reported some issues in the gospel work. Some gospel preachers were being perfunctory in their work, handing off the newcomers to be watered by the waterers without clearly fellowshipping the truth about God’s work or resolving their notions, which caused a lot of difficulties in the watering work. Additionally, the gospel preachers hadn’t clearly written the times when newcomers could attend gatherings, which made it difficult to make timely arrangements and delayed the newcomers’ gatherings. After hearing the leader say this, I acknowledged that these problems did exist, but seeing that Wang Tao had reported the problems to the leader directly, I found it hard to accept. Even though they were problems with the gospel preachers, I was responsible for the gospel work, so if problems like this came up, how would the leader view me? I realized I’d been perfunctory during my work checks, and regarding how the gospel preachers fellowshipped and testified, or how much the newcomers understood the truth regarding God’s work, I hadn’t carefully inquired about these work details. But if I admitted these problems, wouldn’t the leader say that I was incompetent, and irresponsible and untrustworthy in my duties? I didn’t want to admit that this was my problem, but I knew this state was wrong and was resistant toward this situation that had been arranged and laid out by God, so I silently prayed to God, asking Him to protect my heart so I wouldn’t argue and could properly accept my brother’s pointer. After praying, my heart calmed down a bit, and I communicated with the gospel preachers on how to resolve these issues.

Before long, the leader spoke to me again, “Wang Tao has reported issues with the gospel preachers again, and other brothers and sisters are also reporting issues. How are the gospel preachers doing their duties now? Have these issues been resolved?” Hearing the leader’s questions come at me one after another made me feel really upset, and I thought, “The leader must think I lack a sense of burden and work capabilities, otherwise, why else wouldn’t these problems have been resolved yet? Everyone must have a poor impression of me.” Seeing the issues that Wang Tao had pointed out again in his letter, I couldn’t calm down to take stock of and reflect on these problems. I kept making excuses in my heart, even blaming Wang Tao, “Why don’t you just give me your feedback directly? Why’d you have to talk to the leader? Moreover, if the newcomers have unresolved religious notions, can’t the waterers also fellowship to solve them? The gathering times of some newcomers haven’t been written clearly, but if the waterers had a sense of burden, couldn’t they just contact the newcomers to get a better understanding of them? Why don’t you resolve the waterers’ issues instead of just focusing on the gospel preachers’?” The more I thought, the more I felt resentful and resistant, and I wondered why Wang Tao was fixating on us. I really wanted to write a letter to point out his issues and vent my emotions, but I knew that would hurt him. So I suppressed my emotions and didn’t write it. When I revealed this state, I was somewhat fearful, and felt that my attitude was not right. So I reluctantly admitted my shortcomings. By doing so, I wanted to protect my image in the leader’s eyes. I felt really down all the time afterward. I knew I hadn’t learned anything from this, and that in doing so I was trying to deceive the leader. And yet I still expressed my bias against Wang Tao in front of my partnered sisters, venting everything that was on my mind. This led my partnered sisters to also develop a bias against Wang Tao, and say that he was hotheaded. Hearing the sisters speaking in support of me, I felt more motivated, and I kept bringing up Wang Tao’s issues. My aim was to show everyone that the occurrence of these deviations and mistakes wasn’t just a problem with the gospel preachers but also Wang Tao, and that everyone should share the responsibility in this. After saying that, I felt really guilty—I was reading too much into people and things! I wanted to set aside this behavior, but I couldn’t get over this hurdle. I then thought about how Wang Tao reported the gospel preachers’ issues to improve the work, but I was resisting and arguing, which was against God’s intention. So I prayed to God, “God, it was appropriate for Brother Wang Tao to point out issues in his letter, but I’ve been resistant and unwilling to accept these things, and even focused on my brother. God, I wish to change this state; please guide me.” After praying, I read a passage of God’s words: “Regarding a matter that, on the surface, seems to happen by chance, you must see it in your heart as follows: ‘This did not happen by chance—it was laid out by God. This matter occurred for a reason and has a root cause; it is not something people could have laid out—it comes from God.’ So, how should you face it? Is it enough to have no complaints, not give justifications about it, and simply submit? You should seek God’s intention in this matter, seek the truth you should practice, as well as what God requires and how to act in a way that aligns with God’s intention” (God’s Fellowship). From God’s words, I understood that everything that happens each day is orchestrated and arranged by God, and has God’s intentions behind it. Whether someone is offering suggestions or I am being pruned, God arranges these situations with the purpose to see that I can have an attitude of submission when things happen to me and can seek the truth. If I don’t accept these things from God and keep picking at people and things, I won’t learn any lessons, and my state will remain despondent and impacted. When Wang Tao pointed out my problems, I rejected and resisted what he’d said and argued back, complaining that he was fixating on us. The truth was that I wasn’t resisting any particular person, but actually contending with God and being unreasonable, unwilling to submit to these situations and learn lessons. After realizing this, I felt a bit calmer, and I was willing to earnestly reflect on myself and seek the truth.

Later on, I read another passage of God’s words: “How is the kind of disposition that is being averse to the truth chiefly manifested? In refusing to accept being pruned. Not accepting being pruned is one kind of state manifested by this kind of disposition. In their hearts, these people are especially resistant when they are pruned. They think, ‘I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear it!’ or, ‘Why not prune other people? Why pick on me?’ What is the meaning of being averse to the truth? Being averse to the truth is when a person is completely uninterested in anything connected to positive things, to the truth, to what God asks, or to God’s intentions. Sometimes they feel repulsed by these things, sometimes they are aloof to them, sometimes they are irreverent and indifferent, and treat them as unimportant, and they are insincere and cursory toward them, or take no responsibility for them. The chief manifestation of being averse to the truth is not just people feeling repulsed when they hear the truth. It also includes unwillingness to practice the truth, shrinking back when the time comes to practice the truth, as if the truth has nothing to do with them. … In their hearts, these people know full well that God’s words are the truth, that they are positive, and that practicing the truth can bring about changes in people’s dispositions and make them able to satisfy God’s intentions—but they do not accept them or put them into practice. This is being averse to the truth. In whom have you seen the disposition of being averse to the truth? (The disbelievers.) The disbelievers are averse to the truth, that is very clear. God has no way of saving such people” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Knowledge of the Six Kinds of Corrupt Dispositions Is True Self-Knowledge). After reading God’s words, I understood that regardless of the situations a person faces or the problems that are pointed out to them, if they are always resistant and oppositional, unwilling to accept even if they do have problems, what this reveals is a disposition of being averse to the truth. This is a manifestation of being a disbeliever. I couldn’t help but wonder why God would designate being averse to the truth as a manifestation of a disbeliever. If someone truly believes in God and has God in their heart, they will believe that everything that happens is part of God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and they can submit and learn lessons. However, disbelievers don’t believe in God or His sovereignty and arrangements; when things happen to them, they either argue back or look for excuses, all they reveal are the perspectives of nonbelievers, and they don’t seek the truth at all. Thinking of this, I felt quite scared. Although I read God’s words and prayed every day, when things happened, I didn’t accept them from God or seek the truth. Was I not just saying I believed in God, but acting without God? This kind of belief has nothing to do with God or His words. Was I not behaving just like a disbeliever? This state was terrifying! I reflected on how, when I was faced with Wang Tao pointing out problems, I didn’t start by accepting it to reflect on myself or analyze my deviations in my duties. Instead, I kept looking for excuses, saying that there were also problems in the watering work he was responsible for. I even complained that Wang Tao was going out of his way to make things difficult for me, and reporting problems to the leader to humiliate me. In these situations, I didn’t accept these things from God and kept looking for external reasons. This wasn’t the attitude that a believer should have at all. This was the attitude that a disbeliever and a nonbeliever have when facing situations. I recalled that Wang Tao had reported these issues to me before, but it was my failure to resolve them in a timely manner that had led him to report these things to the leader, yet I was resistant and unaccepting, even saying that he was trying to make life difficult for me. I realized how unreasonable I was being, and knew that if I continued like this, I would ultimately be spurned and eliminated by God. Feeling frightened, I silently prayed to God, asking Him to help me quickly amend this state and sincerely submit to and accept this situation and learn lessons.

Later on, I read a passage of God’s words: “Antichrists’ archetypal attitude toward pruning is to vehemently refuse to accept or admit it. No matter how much evil they do or how much harm they do to the work of God’s house and the life entry of God’s chosen people, they do not feel the slightest remorse or that they owe anything. From this point of view, do the antichrists have humanity? Absolutely not. They cause all sorts of damage to God’s chosen people and bring harm to the work of the church—God’s chosen people can see this as clear as day, and they can see antichrists’ succession of evil deeds. And yet the antichrists do not accept or acknowledge this fact; they stubbornly refuse to admit that they are in error or that they are responsible. Is this not an indication that they are averse to the truth? Such is the extent to which antichrists are averse to the truth. No matter how much wickedness they commit, they stubbornly refuse to admit it, and they remain unyielding to the end. This sufficiently proves that antichrists never take the work of God’s house seriously or accept the truth. They haven’t come to believe in God; they are minions of Satan, come to disturb and disrupt the work of God’s house. In antichrists’ hearts there are only reputation and status. They believe that if they were to acknowledge their error, then they would have to accept responsibility, and then their status and reputation would be severely compromised. As a result, they resist with the attitude of ‘deny until you die.’ No matter how people expose or dissect them, they do their utmost to deny it. Whether their denial is deliberate or not, in short, in one regard these behaviors expose the antichrists’ nature essence of being averse to and hating the truth. In another regard, it shows how much the antichrists treasure their own status, reputation, and interests. What, meanwhile, is their attitude toward the work and interests of the church? It is one of contempt and irresponsibility. They lack all conscience and reason. Doesn’t the antichrists’ shirking of responsibility demonstrate these issues? In one regard, shirking responsibility proves their nature essence of being averse to and hating the truth, while in another regard, it shows their lack of conscience, reason, and humanity. No matter how much the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry is harmed by their disturbance and evildoing, they feel no reproach and could never be upset by this. What sort of creature is this? Even admission to part of their mistake would count as them having a bit of conscience and reason, but the antichrists do not even have that slight amount of humanity. So what would you say they are? The antichrists are devils in essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). From God’s words, I saw that antichrists only have their own reputation and status in their hearts, and that they respond to others’ guidance and exposure with resistance and opposition. Even when they know that the issues pointed out by others are factual, and that they are indeed impacting and harming the church’s work and the life entry of the brothers and sisters, they still refuse to accept it. They don’t feel guilty, nor do they consider making changes. God says that such people are servants of Satan and are devils! I reflected on what I revealed during this time. When I saw that Wang Tao reported the work deviations of mine and the gospel preachers to the leader, I felt that he was going out of his way to try and humiliate me. In order to protect my reputation and status, I kept arguing and trying to justify myself, but I didn’t reflect on myself or solve the problems in the work. Later, when I saw that the leader took the issues and deviations Wang Tao pointed out very seriously, and felt that my reputation and status were being damaged, I thought of writing to Wang Tao to teach him a lesson and vent my personal grievances, so that he’d be afraid to report my issues again. I also blamed and judged Wang Tao in front of my partnered sisters, saying specious things to shirk my responsibility and making them develop a bias against Wang Tao in an attempt to win the sisters over to my side. When the leader wrote to remind me, I spoke a few words knowing myself out of necessity to deceive the leader and protect my reputation and status. I saw just how serious my disposition of being averse to the truth was! When Wang Tao pointed out my deviations in my duty, this meant he was considering God’s intentions, being responsible, and had a sense of justice. But because it encroached on my pride and status, not only did I not accept his suggestions, I also confused right and wrong, judging and belittling him in front of my partnered sisters. I refused to allow anyone to point out my deviations in my work, and if someone did, encroaching on my personal interests, I not only wouldn’t acknowledge or accept it, but would also judge the other as an enemy, revealing a disposition that was vicious and averse to the truth. God exposes how when antichrists shirk responsibility, it not only shows a lack of acceptance of the truth, but also a dismissiveness for church work and a lack of humanity. I thought about how during all this time I’d only considered my personal interests, and not the church’s work. I’d not felt upset or guilty about impacting the watering work or delaying the newcomers’ gatherings, and I saw that for the sake of personal interests, I’d become truly selfish and indifferent, with no humanity at all. As a gospel deacon, I should have accepted the supervision of brothers and sisters to better promote the gospel work. But for the sake of protecting my reputation and status, not only did I not accept guidance or help, but I also incited my partnered sisters to develop biases against Wang Tao. I was playing a negative role and not acting in the good of the church! If I didn’t turn this around, I would eventually be spurned by God. Reflecting on these things, I felt really distressed, and I realized that the brothers and sisters supervising me in my duty was a good thing, as these things were done to help me promptly correct deviations in my duty and do the church work well. If I had accepted Wang Tao’s suggestions earlier, those issues in the work would have surely been resolved long before.

Later on, I read more of God’s words: “When you seek the truth, you should seek from many people. If anyone has something to say, you should listen to them, and treat all of their words seriously. Do not ignore or snub them, because this relates to matters within the scope of your duty and you must treat this seriously. This is the right attitude and the right state. When you are in the right state, and you do not reveal a disposition that is averse to the truth and hates the truth, then practicing in this way will supplant your corrupt disposition. This is practicing the truth. If you practice the truth in this way, what fruits will it bear? (We will be guided by the Holy Spirit.) Receiving the guidance of the Holy Spirit is one aspect. Sometimes the matter will be very simple and can be achieved using your own mind; after others finish giving you their suggestions and you understand, you will be able to rectify things and act in accordance with the principles. People may think that this is a small matter, but to God it is a great matter. Why do I say this? Because, when you practice in this way, to God you are a person who can practice the truth, a person who loves the truth, and a person who is not averse to the truth—when God sees into your heart, He also sees your disposition, and this is a great matter. In other words, when you do your duty and act in the presence of God, what you live out and pour forth are all truth realities that people should possess. The attitudes, thoughts, and states that you possess in everything you do are the most important things for God, and they are what God scrutinizes” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). Through this passage of God’s words, I understood that when brothers and sisters offer suggestions or prune me, I should first listen with an attitude of seeking, and that I can’t just ignore them or just argue my point or justify myself. If I don’t understand something, I can seek from my brothers and sisters with an attitude of accepting the truth. This is what it means to love the truth. Everything that happens each day has God’s intention, and what God looks at isn’t just the right or wrong of what I do or whether there are deviations in my duty, but also my attitude toward the truth and toward my duty. These are the things God wants to see. Realizing this, I silently told myself that from then on, no matter what situations I faced or what suggestions others might give me, I would first accept them and seek the truth. I could no longer argue or live by a disposition that was averse to the truth.

During those following days, I kept thinking about how I was directly responsible for the gospel work, and yet I never resolved the problems in this work that Wang Tao had reported. This was primarily because I had been truly perfunctory and irresponsible in my duties. I read some of God’s words: “If people are apathetic about doing their duty, or are always muddleheaded, what kind of attitude do you think this is? Is it not just going through the motions? Is that the attitude you have toward your duty? Is this a problem of caliber or one of disposition? You should all be clear on this. Why are people just perfunctory when they do their duty? Why are they not loyal when they do things for God? Do they even possess reason or conscience? If you are truly possessed of conscience and reason, then when you do things, you will put a little more heart into them, as well as a little more kindness, responsibility, and consideration, and you will be able to put forth more effort. When you can put forth more effort, the results of the duties that you perform will improve. Your results will be better, and this will satisfy both other people and God. You have to put your heart into it! You can’t be absent-minded, as if you were working in the secular world and just made money based on the time you’d spent. If you have that kind of attitude, you’re in trouble. You can’t possibly perform your duty well” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Life Entry Begins With the Performance of Duty). After reading God’s words, I understood that to do my duty well, the most important thing is to have a sense of responsibility and conscience, which relates to one’s humanity. When people with humanity face pointers and suggestions—regardless of who they come from—as long as the interests of the church are involved, they will treat them seriously and resolve the issues efficiently. However, those without humanity have no such awareness in their hearts; they approach things with a conceited attitude, never being serious about anything, and don’t think about solving problems quickly. The leader and Wang Tao mentioned issues in the gospel work several times, and they wanted to resolve these things quickly to avoid delaying the watering work. But I didn’t think much of it. I was arrogant and conceited and felt that these problems were easy to solve, and I just casually discussed them with the gospel preachers, without putting in the effort to thoroughly resolve them. This caused the problems to linger and delayed the work. Now I saw that I wasn’t just neglecting my duty, but that I was lacking the attitude required to face up to the deviations in my duty. I was utterly lacking in humanity! From then on, no matter what suggestions brothers and sisters put forward, I would learn to accept them and seek the truth to address them in a timely manner. I started by writing to Wang Tao to tell him about the state that I’d revealed and the lessons I’d learned during this time, and I reached a consensus with him about how to resolve the issue of cooperating with the waterers. Then I analyzed these deviations with the gospel preachers, pointing out the attitude problems that they all had in their duties. After this kind of practice, some issues in the work were resolved, and our cooperation with the waterers improved significantly compared to before.

One time, the leader pointed out that I wasn’t prioritizing the work I was following up on based on urgency, and my heart sank. With the work I had been following up on often had problems that had to be pointed out, I felt humiliated, and I wondered what the leader would think of me. I was also confused, as I thought that by following up on all the work at the same time, I was avoiding delays in the work, so why was my issue still being pointed out? At this moment, I realized I was about to start arguing again, so I silently prayed in my heart, asking God to protect my heart to avoid acting according to my corrupt disposition. After praying, I read a passage of God’s words: “If someone gives you a suggestion when you do not understand the truth, and tells you how to act in accordance with the truth, you should first accept it and allow everyone to fellowship on it, and see if this path is correct or not, and whether it is in accordance with the truth principles or not. If you confirm that it is in accordance with the truth, then practice in that way; if you determine that it does not accord with the truth, then do not practice in that way. It is as simple as that” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). This situation had been arranged by God; I had to learn lessons from it and I couldn’t act according to my corrupt disposition. The leader had pointed out the deviations in my duty, and this is beneficial for the work, so I had to first accept this, reflect, and seek the truth. By considering these matters, I saw that the issues raised by the leader were appropriate, and that following up on all work simultaneously would only cause brothers and sisters to not differentiate priorities in their work, and that this would instead easily delay key tasks. If I followed the leader’s suggestions on prioritizing, reasonably following up on, and implementing the work, this would be more beneficial for the work. After that, I followed the leader’s suggestions to follow up with the work. After practicing like this, I felt much more at ease, and the work also made progress, and I felt truly grateful to God! Later, when other brothers and sisters pointed out problems in my duty, I was also able to treat them correctly.

Through this experience, I truly realized that although the guidance and exposure from my brothers and sisters made me lose face, I was able to see that I still had many shortcomings and deficiencies in my duty. This situation also revealed my satanic disposition of being averse to the truth and resisting positive things, enabling me to gain some knowledge about myself. I felt that having the guidance and help of my brothers and sisters is truly a good thing, and I realized just how beneficial this is to the work and my life entry.