By Li Kun, China

In 2022, I was watering newcomers in the church, and I noticed that the church leader Liu Jing only focused on her own primary responsibilities, that she rarely followed up on other tasks, and that she didn’t cooperate harmoniously with another leader, Sister An Xin, often delaying church work. Later, Liu Jing was dismissed, and I was chosen as the church leader, and I secretly thought to myself, “I must cooperate harmoniously with An Xin, to show the brothers and sisters that I definitely won’t be petty and narrow-minded like Liu Jing, focusing only on my own primary responsibilities without caring for other tasks.” To improve work efficiency, we divided the tasks. I was mainly responsible for the gospel work and text-based work, while An Xin was mainly responsible for watering work and cleansing work. To let the brothers and sisters see that I had good humanity and that I was an understanding person, I also took the initiative to take on some general affairs work. After that, I spent my time either gathering with everyone or following up on the gospel work and text-based work. Gradually, I noticed that An Xin had less of a sense of burden in her duties than she did before, and some tasks were only being handled perfunctorily, without being followed up on properly. I wanted to point this out to her, but then I thought, “No one is perfect; everyone has times when they do their duties perfunctorily. I shouldn’t hold her to too high of a standard. After all, if I point that out, it’ll seem like I’m being harsh. I’ll just stay up late and follow up on the tasks she’s missed.” So, I took on all the work she hadn’t completed. During that time, I wanted to learn more about the principles of preaching the gospel, but I didn’t have enough time. I felt a bit unwilling, but I didn’t want An Xin to think I was only taking care of my own tasks, so I forced myself to push through.

After a while, I saw that An Xin had less and less of a sense of burden in her duties, and that she wasn’t in a hurry to collect information on certain people that needed to be cleared out. It happened to be a busy time for the gospel work, and so if I followed up on the cleansing work, I wouldn’t be able to manage the gospel work well, so I reminded An Xin to gather the information as soon as possible. But afterward, she still didn’t seem to be in a hurry, and I thought about fellowshipping on this with her, but I was afraid that if I said too much, she would become resentful toward me, so I swallowed my words. Also, I wanted An Xin to take on a share of the general affairs work in the church, so that I could free up some time to follow up on the gospel work, but then I thought, “An Xin is older than me and not in good health, so if I asked her to take on more work, it would seem like I lack understanding of her difficulties and that I have no love. I might as well do a bit more. I can just endure the fatigue.” I felt very unwilling inside, but I was afraid that if I voiced these feelings, the brothers and sisters would think I was being petty, and I thought, “What would they say about me then? I’ll just let it go, and I’ll just do my best with the work I can follow up on!” In the following days, I often stayed up late, and over time, my suppressed dissatisfaction began to boil over, but then I thought about how since I was managing all the work, An Xin would surely think I had good humanity, so I held it in. I was also like this when interacting with other brothers and sisters. Some brothers and sisters didn’t understand issues related to computer security settings and software updates, but they could learn just by looking at tutorials, yet they would wait for me to help them set it up. I complained to myself, “I’ve got so much leadership work to do, why don’t you do these things yourselves instead of waiting for me to help you?” But I didn’t dare to point out their issues, for fear that it would make me seem too petty and nitpicky, and that they would form a bad impression of me, so I decided to help them out a bit more if I could. In this way, I always yielded and compromised to others, placing strict demands on myself while being tolerant of others. The brothers and sisters became very dependent on me, so I thought of myself as having good humanity, not being petty, and being able to cooperate with anyone. Especially when I heard the brothers and sisters say I looked very tired and busy, I felt quite comforted inside, thinking that my suffering was worthwhile. Over the course of the next few months, I took on various sorts of tasks in the church, leaving me with no time for devotionals, and unable to follow up on the gospel work. As a result, nobody was entering into the principles in preaching the gospel, no deviations could be identified in the work, and the gospel work yielded no results. An Xin’s progress on the cleansing work was also slow, and the issues with the waterers hadn’t been followed up on or resolved. Seeing this, I felt very anxious and helpless inside. At this point, I came before God to pray, “God, I have paid a great price in my duties as a leader, but the work hasn’t yielded any results. Please enlighten and guide me so that I can recognize my issues.”

One day, I came across a passage of God’s words: “Let us now fellowship on the next saying regarding moral conduct—‘Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others’—what does this saying mean? It means that you should make strict demands of yourself and be lenient with other people, so that they can see how generous and magnanimous you are. Why should people do this, then? What is it meant to achieve? Is it doable? Is it really a natural expression of people’s humanity? You must compromise yourself so much in order to take this on! You must be free of desires and demands, requiring yourself to feel less joy, suffer a bit more, pay more of a price and work more so that others do not have to wear themselves out. And if others whine, complain, or perform poorly, you must not ask too much of them—more or less is good enough. People believe that this is a sign of noble morals—but why does it ring false to Me? Is it not false? (It is.) Under normal circumstances, the natural expression of an ordinary person’s humanity is to be tolerant of themselves and strict with others. That is a fact. … If people are expected to live up to the idea of being ‘strict with yourself and tolerant of others,’ what agony must they put themselves through? Could they really bear it? How many people would manage to do so? (None.) And why is that? (People are selfish by nature. They act according to the principle that it is ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’) Indeed, man is born selfish, man is a selfish creature, and is deeply committed to that satanic philosophy: ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’ People think that it would be catastrophic for them, and unnatural, not to be selfish and look out for themselves when things befall them. This is what people believe and it is how they act. If people are expected not to be selfish, and to make strict demands of themselves, and to willingly lose out rather than take advantage of others, and if they are expected to happily say, when someone takes advantage of them, ‘You’re taking advantage but I’m not making a fuss about it. I’m a tolerant person, I won’t badmouth you or try to get my own back on you, and if you haven’t taken enough advantage yet, feel free to carry on’—is that a realistic expectation? How many people could manage to do this? Is this the way that corrupt mankind normally behaves? Obviously, for this to happen is anomalous. Why so? Because people with corrupt dispositions, especially selfish and mean people, struggle for their own interests, and giving thought to others will absolutely not make them feel satisfied. So, this phenomenon, when it does happen, is an anomaly. ‘Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others’—this claim about moral conduct is clearly just a demand that does not tally with either the facts or humanity, which is placed upon man by social moralists who do not understand humanity. It is like telling a mouse that it is not allowed to make holes or telling a cat that it is not permitted to catch mice. Is it right to make such a demand? (No. It defies the laws of humanity.) This demand clearly does not square with reality, and it is very hollow” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (6)). God says that human nature is inherently selfish, that people constantly plan for and think about their own interests, and that when interacting with others, people only seek to make gains and avoid losses. This is enough to show that corrupted humans fundamentally can’t reach the level of being “strict with yourself and tolerant of others.” Reflecting on my cooperation with An Xin in our duties, when I noticed that she wasn’t in a hurry to gather or organize the materials on those who needed to be cleared out, I really wanted to point this out to her, but I was afraid she would say that I was being too demanding and not considerate. To show everyone that I was really generous and not a petty person, I kept indulging her behavior, strictly demanding myself to do more whenever I could, staying busy every day. This left me with no time left for devotionals, and the gospel work I was primarily responsible for also yielded no results. On the surface, I seemed to be adhering to the idea of “Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others,” but when my fleshly interests were compromised, I felt both disgruntled and unwilling, and was even filled with complaints. I also put on a facade of generosity. It was then that I truly realized that the saying “Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others” was truly hypocritical, and that it wasn’t the truth at all. Living by this claim about moral conduct had left me exhausted, both physically and mentally.

After this, I came before God to continue reflecting on myself. I read another passage of God’s words: “It can be said with certainty that most of the people who require themselves to fulfill the moral of being ‘strict with yourself and tolerant of others,’ are obsessed with status. Driven by their corrupt dispositions, they cannot help but pursue prestige among men, social prominence, and status in the eyes of others. All of these things are related to their desire for status, and are pursued under the cover of their good moral conduct. And how do these pursuits of theirs come about? They entirely come from and are driven by their corrupt dispositions. So, no matter what, whether someone fulfills the moral of being ‘strict with yourself and tolerant of others’ or not, and whether or not they do so to perfection, this cannot change their humanity essence at all. By implication, this means that it cannot in any way change their outlook on life or their value system, or guide their attitudes and perspectives on all manner of people, events, and things. Isn’t that the case? (It is.) The more that someone is capable of being strict with themselves and tolerant of others, the better they are at putting on an act, disguising themselves, and at misleading others with good behavior and pleasing words, and the more deceitful and wicked they are by nature. The more that they are this type of person, the deeper their love and pursuit of status and power becomes. However great, glorious and correct their external moral conduct seems to be, and however pleasing it is for people to behold, the unspoken pursuit that lies in the depths of their heart, as well as their nature essence, and even their ambitions, may burst forth from them at any time. Therefore, however good their moral conduct is, it cannot conceal their intrinsic humanity essence, or their ambitions and desires. It cannot conceal their hideous nature essence which does not love positive things and is averse to and hates the truth. As these facts show, the saying ‘Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others’ is more than just absurd—it exposes those ambitious types who attempt to use such sayings and behaviors to cover up their unspeakable ambitions and desires” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (6)). God’s words exposed me for what I really was. I reflected on how I took on the leadership role with ambition and desire, wanting to establish a good image in the hearts of the brothers and sisters. When I saw that An Xin was lacking a sense of burden in her duty, I neither exposed nor helped her, but instead indulged her, taking on the work she hadn’t followed up on myself, using ostensibly good behavior as a pretense of generosity. When I saw that the brothers and sisters weren’t being proactive in learning computer skills, passively waiting for me to handle it, I wanted to point out their issues, but I was afraid they would say I was being inconsiderate of them, so I just kept relenting. When my energy ran out and I mentally couldn’t take it anymore, I became bitter and exhausted, and I felt disgruntled and unwilling. But in order to make everyone see that I wasn’t petty, that I was considerate, tolerant, and always thoughtful toward others, I bore it all and didn’t point out their issues, resulting in my primary responsibilities not being done well. I did all this to protect my image and status in people’s hearts. I was truly hypocritical!

Later, I read God’s words and gained some new understanding of myself. God says: “Some people seem quite enthusiastic in their belief in God. They love to attend to and concern themselves with the affairs of the church, and they’re always running ahead. And yet, unexpectedly, they disappoint everyone once they become leaders. They don’t focus on resolving the practical problems of God’s chosen people, instead doing their utmost to act for the sake of their own reputation and status. They love showing off to make others esteem them, and they’re always talking about how they expend themselves and suffer for God, yet they don’t put their efforts into pursuing the truth and their life entry. This isn’t what anyone expects of them. Though they busy themselves with their work, show off on every occasion, preach some words and doctrines, gain the esteem and worship of some people, mislead people’s hearts, and consolidate their status, what comes of this in the end? Regardless of whether these people use small favors to bribe others, or flaunt their gifts and abilities, or use various methods to mislead people and thereby win their good opinion, no matter what method they use to win over people’s hearts and occupy a position therein, what have they lost? They have lost the opportunity to gain the truth while doing the duties of a leader. At the same time, because of their various manifestations, they have also accumulated evil deeds that will bring about their ultimate outcome. Regardless of whether they are using small favors to bribe and ensnare people, or flaunting themselves, or using facades to mislead people, and no matter how many benefits and how much satisfaction they outwardly seem to obtain from doing this, looking at it now, is this path a correct one? Is it the path of pursuing the truth? Is it a path that can bring about one’s salvation? Clearly, it is not. Regardless of how smart these methods and tricks are, they cannot deceive God, and they are all ultimately condemned and loathed by God, because hidden behind such behaviors is man’s ambition and an attitude and essence of antagonism toward God. In God’s heart, He would absolutely never recognize these people as those who are doing their duties, and would instead define them as evildoers. What verdict does God pass when dealing with evildoers? ‘Depart from Me, you that work iniquity.’ When God says, ‘Depart from Me,’ where does He want such people to go? He is handing them over to Satan, to the places inhabited by throngs of Satans. What is the ultimate consequence for them? They are tormented to death by evil spirits, which is to say they are devoured by Satan. God does not want these people, which means He will not save them, they are not God’s sheep, let alone His followers, so they are not among the ones He will save. This is how these people are defined by God. So, just what is the nature of trying to win over the hearts of others? It is walking the path of an antichrist; it is an antichrist’s behavior and essence. Even more serious is an essence of vying against God for His chosen people; such people are enemies of God. This is how antichrists are defined and categorized, and it is completely accurate” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item One: They Try to Win Over People’s Hearts). God exposes that people don’t pursue the truth, and that after taking on leadership roles, they use various methods and tricks to win over people’s hearts and mislead them. They appear to be understanding of others’ difficulties and empathetic, but their goal is to protect their reputation and status, and make others look up to them. This is the path of antichrists. What God exposes was exactly my state. Since childhood, I had been influenced by the saying “Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.” I believed that in interacting with others, one should be understanding and tolerant, being more considerate of others, so enduring some hardship or fatigue oneself is nothing, and doing so is a sign of noble character. I lived by the traditional culture of Satan. When I saw that An Xin was doing her duties perfunctorily, I didn’t expose this, and even took over the work she hadn’t followed up on. As a result, her sense of burden for her duties progressively diminished. When I saw the brothers and sisters being lazy, and unwilling to put in the effort to learn some basic computer settings themselves, I not only didn’t point out their problems but even did it for them, leading them to unthinkingly depend on me for everything. In order to gain the admiration of the brothers and sisters, I pretended to be understanding, even though I was totally unwilling inside, misleading others. I did things to cater to people’s fleshly interests to win over their hearts, becoming increasingly wicked, deceitful, and hypocritical. Although I gained people’s admiration, I damaged the church’s work and caused harm to the brothers and sisters; the gospel work yielded poor results and the cleansing work was delayed. I wasn’t doing my duties; I was committing evil. I was walking the path of an antichrist. Realizing this, I cried and prayed to God, “God! I always try to protect my status in people’s hearts, delaying the church’s work. I am unworthy of Your salvation. I wish to repent before You and do my duties in a grounded way.” Later, I opened up to An Xin about my recent state, and I pointed out the issues I had seen in her. After hearing this, she was willing to reflect on herself and learn a lesson. Hearing An Xin say this, I felt both guilty and slightly comforted. I felt guilty for having lived by Satan’s traditional culture, clearly seeing An Xin’s issues but failing to point them out, but glad because under the guidance of God’s words, I could finally rebel against myself and practice the truth.

After this, I came before God to pray and reflect. I realized that I had similar issues in my dealings with Sister Li Yun, the general affairs deacon. Based on her caliber, there were some tasks she could do well, but she catered to her flesh and was unwilling to put in effort. I noticed her problems but didn’t point them out, and instead catered to her flesh, thinking that I would just pay a bit more of a price and do a bit more, so she wouldn’t say I wasn’t considerate of her. I realized that I was also living by the traditional cultural idea of “Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.” I wanted her to praise me for having good humanity. So I came before God and prayed, asking God to lead me to rebel against my wrong intentions and to comport myself and act according to His words. I recalled God’s words: “Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and begin by contemplating whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been loyal, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s words provided me with principles for how to comport myself and do things. Doing my duties shouldn’t be for show, and I must accept God’s scrutiny and set my intentions right, prioritizing the church’s work. Only by practicing like this can I align with God’s intention. God wants us to fulfill our respective roles and cooperate harmoniously in our duties, so that we can do our duties better over time. I had to rebel against my wrong intentions and treat my brothers and sisters according to the truth principles. For those with good caliber, if they can do a good job but don’t, slacking off or being perfunctory, their problems need to be pointed out and exposed so they can know their corruption, fulfill their responsibilities, and train more. For brothers and sisters with poor caliber, if they truly have difficulties, they need patient help and support, allowing them to do their part within the scope of their abilities. By practicing like this, I was able to focus my energy on my primary duties without delaying the gospel work. One day after a gathering, I approached Li Yun, and after coming to understand her actual difficulties, I clarified the work she needed to do within her responsibilities, and I pointed out her issues. Li Yun said, “I really lacked a sense of burden in my duties recently. With you fellowshipping this to me, I now know how to practice, and I’m willing to shoulder my responsibilities.” Hearing Li Yun’s words, I felt deeply ashamed. I saw that helping my brothers and sisters fulfill their responsibilities and play their own roles in their duties is more beneficial for the church’s work.

Now, I no longer interact with my brothers and sisters based on the traditional cultural idea of “Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others” and I point out and help them with their issues, without trying to protect our physical relationships. I find that conducting myself this way feels reassuring and liberating. These changes are all a result of God’s word. Thanks be to Almighty God!