54. Wounds That Cannot Be Erased
In 2008, the CCP carried out a large-scale nationwide campaign of suppression and arrests against The Church of Almighty God. During that time, brothers and sisters were arrested almost every day. Some were arrested while they were at gatherings, and others were taken away when the police burst into their homes at night. I lived in fear every day, not knowing when the police would burst in. At that time, I was hosting two sisters, and one night, around 11 p.m., when we were all resting, there was a sudden knocking on the door that startled me awake. I thought, “Could it be the police knocking on the door at this late hour?” I hurriedly split up with the two sisters to hide the books of God’s words and church items. Outside, that group of people was knocking and trying to open the door with a key, and after a while, there came sounds of them prying the door open. I was so nervous, pacing back and forth, continuously praying to God, “God, it seems like the police are prying open my door. What should I do? How can I protect the two sisters? God, I ask You to help me calm my heart….” After praying, my heart calmed down a bit. The group outside was prying at the door for a while, and then they started banging on the door. The sound was especially terrifying in the middle of the night, but after a long while, they still couldn’t open the door.
Just as dawn was breaking, I suddenly heard someone outside shouting, “Over this way, a bit more this way.” I peeked through the curtains and saw a middle-aged man downstairs looking up and directing people on the roof, and I realized they were trying to break into my home through the window. Our building had six floors, and I lived on the fifth floor. I didn’t know when they would burst in through the window, and I was so scared and my heart was pounding. I peered through the curtains again, and I saw a police car and a white sedan parked at the entrance of the building, which further confirmed that the group trying to pry open the door was indeed the police. I went back to the door to listen, but there was no sound outside, and I saw no one outside through the peephole, so I guessed that they must have gone up to the roof. I thought, “The two sisters are still young. I can’t let them fall into the hands of the police and be tortured.” So I hurriedly urged them to leave first. I opened the door, but the door was blocked by a large stone and a big wooden table, yet I managed to push the door open without much effort, and I thanked God in my heart! After the sisters left, I acted nonchalant and walked out of the house as well. As I was walking, I noticed a middle-aged man in his forties was following me, and I kept praying in my heart, asking God to grant me wisdom and courage. I recalled some of God’s words: “Do not be afraid of this and that, the Almighty God of hosts will surely be with you; He is your backup force, and He is your shield” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 26). With God’s words to guide me, I felt a little calmer. I changed taxis twice and went to the mall to buy a new bag and clothes to change into. In the end, I was able to shake the person following me. I then went to a relative’s house and hid there for three days. Finally, I returned to my home in another city. That day after I got home, I felt uneasy. I kept thinking, “Will the police find me here and arrest me?” That night, I couldn’t sleep, and kept thinking that I needed to find another place to hide. Unexpectedly, the next morning around 8 a.m., four police officers suddenly broke into my home. They showed my ID photo and said, “You believe in Almighty God. We’re going to search your home!” After that, they split up and began to ransack the place. The place was turned upside down. They found 5,900 yuan in cash, a mobile phone, and a Bible, and they took them all in the name of routine procedure. After this, they handcuffed me and took me to the city’s Public Security Bureau.
Around 4 p.m., one officer pushed me into a police car, and as soon as I got in, he covered my head tightly with a thick piece of clothing. It was so suffocating that I could barely breathe. I had no idea where they were taking me or how they would torture me. I was so scared, and I was constantly praying in my heart, asking God to protect my heart, and that no matter what circumstances I faced, I would be able to stand firm in my testimony and not betray God. After a little over an hour, the car stopped. Once I got out of the car, they removed the clothing from my head. I saw that the car had stopped in a large courtyard. There was a two-story building in the courtyard, but the area was desolate, with hardly any homes nearby, creating an eerie feeling. One officer said to me, “Do you know where we are? This is a concentration camp specifically built for you believers in Almighty God.” Once inside, they strapped me to a torture bench, and eight or nine police officers surrounded me. A tall male officer in his thirties asked me, “Where is the money from your church? Where are your leaders? Who preached the gospel to you? Where do you attend gatherings?” I countered with a question, “The church’s money is an offering given to God by His chosen people. What does it have to do with you?” The officer flew into a rage and slapped me several times and my face burned from the blows. At that moment, I heard several dog barks from outside. One officer threatened me, saying, “We’re in the middle of nowhere. It’s common for us to interrogate people to death here, and when people die, we just toss them in the backyard, and nobody’s any the wiser, then the big dogs eat them, so there’s not even a body left to be found!” Hearing this terrified me. These policemen were willing to do any evil, and if they really did beat me to death and feed me to the dogs in this remote area, not even my body would be left to find. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Then suddenly, I remembered a line of God’s words: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). God controls everything and holds sovereignty over all. My life is also in God’s hands. The police could only kill my body but they couldn’t destroy my soul. I couldn’t betray God out of fear of death. God’s words gave me faith, and my heart became much calmer. So I said, “If I die, then I die. I have no intention of surviving now that you’ve caught me.” The police pressed me for the names and addresses of the leaders, but I questioned them, “Doesn’t the constitution clearly espouse freedom of belief? We haven’t done anything illegal, so why are you arresting us?” But just as these words fell from my mouth, one police officer flew into a rage, took some materials from the table, rolled them up and struck me hard on the head, while another officer came up behind me and dug hard into the gaps of my ribs. It immediately felt like my ribs were breaking, the pain made my head feel swollen and I had difficulty breathing. I couldn’t help but cry out. They continued to dig into my ribs while demanding I confess, but when they saw I wouldn’t talk, they kept digging into the gaps of my ribs. I was tortured until I couldn’t move and was completely drained. I prayed to God, “God, I fear that because my stature is too small, I won’t be able to withstand the police’s torture and may yield to Satan, losing my testimony. Please give me the faith and strength to overcome the weakness of my flesh.” After praying, I recalled a hymn of God’s words, titled “You Should Forsake All for the Truth”: “You must suffer hardship for the truth, you must sacrifice yourself for the truth, you must endure humiliation for the truth, and to gain more of the truth you must undergo more suffering. This is what you should do” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). God’s words inspired me. Our following Christ today means enduring all manner of suffering for the truth. I gained the determination and courage to stand firm in my testimony for God and to not yield to the dark forces of Satan.
During the interrogation, I learned from the police that the people who tried to pry into my home that night were from the branch of the Public Security Bureau. They had been tracking the leaders I’d been hosting for months, the leaders had also been captured by them, and they had also confiscated 9 million yuan in offerings. Just as I was being interrogated, a police officer walked in and said with a smile, “We found another 500,000 yuan.” I was furious when I heard this. That was the offering the brothers and sisters dedicated to God. How could they just take it? They were truly devils! That day, the police tortured me with both soft and hard tactics until late into the night. Seeing that I wouldn’t talk, one police officer said through gritted teeth, “You people who believe in Almighty God are even tougher than nails. If we don’t teach you a lesson today, you won’t say anything. I don’t believe we can’t handle you!” After saying this, he unlocked my handcuffs, and cuffed my hands to posts on either side of the torture bench, and then they pushed the bench back. My whole body was tilted backward, and before long, I felt like my eyes were going to pop out, and my head throbbed as if it was going to explode. My wrists were trapped in the handcuffs, feeling like they were going to be severed, and a piercing pain shot through me. My tailbone was pressed against a protruding iron bump on the torture bench, and my heart felt like it was being cut with a knife. I didn’t know how long this went on for. One police officer threatened me again, saying, “Before you, there was a woman in her sixties who confessed after just an hour and a half. Let’s see how long you can hold out.” After a while, he mocked me, saying, “Aren’t you a believer in Almighty God? Why doesn’t He come to save you? You should ask Him to save you!” Hearing the police’s mockery and blasphemy made me deeply indignant. These police officers wantonly attacked and blasphemed God, and they were truly a group of devils who hated the truth and opposed God!
I was tortured to the point of exhaustion and was suspended there like that for more than two hours. My body reached its limits, and I could hardly breathe. I thought to myself, “If this carries on, I really will die here. My husband and father have just passed away, and at home, I still have my mother who is over seventy and my child who is still in school. If I die, who will take care of them? The child has already lost his father, and my mother is also suffering from the pain of losing a loved one. If I die too, will they be able to bear it?” I felt so conflicted, thinking, “Maybe if I give them just a little something, they’ll let me go. But if I say anything, won’t I be betraying God like Judas?” At this time, I remembered a passage of God’s words: “Why do you not entrust them into My hands? Do you not have sufficient faith in Me? Or is it that you are afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 59). Heaven, earth, and all things are under God’s control, and everything to do with my mother and child is in God’s hands. What else did I have to worry about? Thinking of this, I prayed to God, “God, the fate of my mother and child is in Your hands. I am willing to entrust them to You and look to You. Whether I live or die today, I am willing to put myself at the mercy of Your orchestrations. I would rather die than betray You!” After the prayer, my heart was much calmer, and I felt ready to die. After that, I felt like my body was slowly floating up, and miraculously, I felt much less pain. Seeing that I was about to collapse, the police took me out of the torture bench. My body felt weak all over, and I began to convulse nonstop. My whole body curled up uncontrollably, and I felt that my whole body went completely stiff. The police tried hard to pry open my hands but couldn’t. I didn’t know how long this lasted, but it was just before dawn when I finally started to feel a little better. One officer said to me, “If you hadn’t thrashed about yesterday, we would have tied your limbs up and hung you!” Hearing this, I quietly thanked God for His protection. That night, the police took me to the local detention center.
Upon arrival, a police officer looked me up and down and said, “This person is a wreck. Whose fault is it going to be if she dies here?” The two officers escorting me negotiated with them for a while, and only then did they reluctantly take me in. During the health check, the doctor said I had heart problems and was at risk of dying at any time. That night, they had the inmates check my nostrils from time to time to see if I was still breathing. Half a month later, my family spent some money and pulled some strings to arrange for my medical release. On the day I left the detention center, the police demanded a fine of 10,000 yuan and warned me, “You can’t leave the area at will, your phone must be on 24 hours a day and you must be available at all times. If you are caught again, you won’t be allowed to leave prison!” When I returned home, my family and colleagues told me that the police had gone to my workplace and relatives’ homes to investigate me, spreading baseless rumors that I was the ringleader of an organ trafficking ring, and using this as an excuse to check my bank accounts. My family all criticized and complained against me, and my friends and relatives ridiculed and distanced themselves from me. I was so angry, thinking that believing in God was a good thing and that this was the right path, yet these police officers had spread baseless rumors about me, leaving me unable to hold my head high in front of my relatives and colleagues. I felt utterly humiliated and somewhat weak inside, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t go out to do my duty anymore and should just believe in God at home. Later, I thought of some of God’s words: “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. If you do not worship God but live within your filthy flesh, then are you not just a beast in human attire? Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. … You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (2)). From God’s words, I understood that believing in God and doing my duty is what a created being should do, and that only by living this way is a life valuable and meaningful. How could I regret doing my duty because I’d been humiliated? In what way did I have any conscience or reason toward God? The police had spread baseless rumors and slander about me to make me distance myself from God and betray Him, but I couldn’t fall into Satan’s trap. Nonbelievers were ridiculing and slandering me, but I was being persecuted for righteousness. This suffering was valuable and meaningful! No matter how the police slandered me, insulted my dignity, or damaged my reputation, I would never betray God! I was determined to walk the path of believing in God! Thinking of this, I straightened up and was no longer afraid of being humiliated. Later, the police frequently came to me, trying to extort money from me, and threatened me, saying, “Your case can be big or small, or even non-existent, depending on how much money you spend. If you don’t pay, we can throw you back in jail anytime, for as long as we want!” I was furious. I hadn’t broken any laws, yet the police kept trying to extort money from me time and again. They were nothing but a gang of bandits!
Later, I returned to the home where the police had tried to break in the middle of the night. When I opened the door, I was stunned, and I was so furious that I almost fainted. The house was in complete disarray; all valuables, even clothes, quilts, and daily necessities, had been taken away. There had been four laptops, my phone worth over 3,000 yuan, a gold necklace weighing over ten grams, four gold rings, four pairs of gold earrings, and a whole bundle of cash worth 10,000 yuan. All of these things had been taken. The remaining items had been smashed or torn apart. The wooden bed in the bedroom was broken, and even the bed board and the cupboard doors had been torn down. The glass frame of the landscape painting and the balcony glass had been shattered, the fridge and the sink in the bathroom had been smashed, and even the flour in the flour bag had been poured about. Everything in the house was destroyed and scattered all over the floor, and when I entered the room, there wasn’t even anywhere to step. Looking at the upended house, I felt so pained and angry, thinking: How could a good home have been destroyed like this by the police? I truly hated the CCP, this devil! I thought of a passage from God’s words: “Forefathers of the ancient? Beloved leaders? They all oppose God! Their meddling has left all beneath heaven in a state of darkness and chaos! Religious freedom? The legitimate rights and interests of citizens? They are all tricks for covering up sin! … Why put up such an impenetrable obstacle to the work of God? Why employ various tricks to deceive God’s folk? Where is the true freedom and the legitimate rights and interests? Where is the fairness? Where is the comfort? Where is the warmth? Why use deceitful schemes to trick God’s people? Why use force to suppress the coming of God? Why not allow God to freely roam upon the earth that He created? Why hound God until He has nowhere to rest His head? Where is the warmth among men? Where is the welcome among people? Why cause such desperate yearning in God? Why make God call out again and again? Why force God to worry for His beloved Son? In this dark society, why do its sorry guard dogs not allow God to freely come and go among the world which He created?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). Reflecting on God’s words, I saw through to the ugly face of the CCP for what it really was. It pretends to uphold justice, claiming “freedom of religious belief” and “law enforcement for the people,” but behind the scenes, it uses all kinds of tricks to arrest and persecute those who believe in God. Christians in China have no human rights or freedom at all, and the CCP can burst in at any time, arrest you, search your home, and forcibly seize your property. Their actions are worse than those of bandits and tyrants. I’d had no discernment of the CCP before, but after personally suffering its arrests and persecution, I realized that the CCP is a group of demons that hate and resist God.
Although I’d been released from prison, I had no personal freedom at all. The police were always monitoring and following me, and I couldn’t shake them off. One time, I went out and got halfway to where I was going, but when I remembered I had forgotten something and wanted to go back for it, I turned around and saw the police officer who had arrested me following me. When I went to the market to buy groceries, a police officer approached me and asked, “Why are you buying so many groceries all for yourself?” He also asked me, “Why don’t you ever turn on the lights at night? Where are you staying?” Hearing the police’s words, I felt utterly disgusted and repulsed. Living under the surveillance of the CCP was so painful, and I was constantly on edge, afraid that the police would come and harass me at any moment. During the day at work, I always kept my office door tightly closed and didn’t dare to open it carelessly. At night, I didn’t dare to be home alone, let alone turn on the lights. The police also frequently called to ask about my whereabouts. I felt really repressed, wanting to see my brothers and sisters but fearing I would put them in danger. It felt like it would be a luxury to do my duty. During those years, I couldn’t focus on anything, and I didn’t know when such days would end. I even felt that living like this was worse than death. After being tortured, tracked, harassed, and having my home raided, I wasn’t only physically weak but had also suffered a severe psychological blow. After coming out of the detention center, I had to rely on medication and injections to maintain a normal life for two years, my memory deteriorated significantly, and I often forgot things. I had been very healthy before getting arrested, and often fellowshipped God’s words and did my duty with my brothers and sisters. Those were truly happy times. But ever since I’d been arrested, I couldn’t read God’s words and didn’t dare to contact my brothers and sisters. My body suffered, and my spirit was tormented. In my pain and weakness, I recalled a passage of God’s words: “Since you are certain that this way is true, you must follow it until the end; you must maintain your devotion to God. Since you have seen that God Himself has come to the earth to perfect you, you should give your heart entirely to Him. If you can still follow Him no matter what He does, even if He determines an unfavorable outcome for you at the very end, this is maintaining your purity in front of God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Should Maintain Your Devotion to God). God’s words brought me out of my pain. What God desires is my loyalty and testimony, and He was using this environment to perfect my faith. I couldn’t remain negative any longer, and no matter how much I suffered, I had to remain loyal to God, and stand firm in my testimony to satisfy God. So I prayed to God, “God, I am willing to stand firm in my testimony and do my duty. Please guide me and open a path for me.” Later, I found a way to escape the police’s surveillance, and I went to another place to do my duty.
In being arrested and persecuted by the CCP, although my flesh endured some suffering, it allowed me to see clearly the CCP’s essence as a demon that hates the truth, resists God, and is hostile to God, and I completely rejected and rebelled against it from my heart. Through this experience, I truly tasted God’s love and salvation, and when I suffered torture and my body couldn’t bear it, it was God’s words that gave me faith and strength, guiding me to overcome the torment of those demons. Every time I felt negative, weak, dark, and pained, it was God’s words that enlightened me and guided me, giving me strength. I experienced the authority and power of God’s words, which strengthened my faith in Him. No matter how the CCP persecutes me, I will persist in following God to the end, and I won’t give up on my duty as a created being!