By Miao Miao, China

Almighty God says: “Honesty means giving your heart to God, being genuine with God in all things, being open with Him in all things, never hiding the facts, not trying to deceive those above and below you, and not doing things only to curry favor with God. In short, to be honest is to be pure in your actions and words, and to deceive neither God nor man” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Three Admonitions). “Among nonbelievers, if you speak frankly, tell the truth, and are an honest person, then you will be slandered, judged, and forsaken. So you follow worldly trends and live by satanic philosophies; you become more and more skilled at lying, and more and more deceitful. You also learn to use insidious means to achieve your goals and protect yourself. You become more and more prosperous in Satan’s world, and as a result, you fall deeper and deeper into sin until you cannot extricate yourself. In God’s house, things are precisely the opposite. The more you lie and play deceitful games, the more God’s chosen people will become sick of you and forsake you. If you refuse to repent and still cling to satanic philosophies and logic, if you use ploys and elaborate schemes to disguise and package yourself, then you are very likely to be revealed and eliminated. This is because God loathes deceitful people. Only honest people can prosper in God’s house, and deceitful people will eventually be forsaken and eliminated. All of this is preordained by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). From God’s words, I see that God likes honest people. Honest people speak simply and openly, and are sincere toward God and others. They say whatever is in their hearts, without disguise or deception. Such people are those whom God wants to save. Deceitful people have very complex thoughts. There is no transparency in their words and actions. They don’t ask or seek when they don’t understand something. Instead, they constantly conceal and disguise themselves. Such people have deceitful dispositions and aren’t easily saved. Thinking back, I often disguised myself to protect my face and status. I lived in a deceitful disposition. When encountering problems or difficulties I couldn’t understand or resolve in my duties, I didn’t open up to seek. Not only did I live in darkness, negativity, and pain, but I was also ineffective in my duties. Later, by reading God’s words, I understood the significance of being an honest person, and I began to consciously practice being an honest person.

It was June 2020, and I was making videos in the church. At first, I thought that since I was just beginning to practice, whenever I didn’t understand something in my work, I would take the initiative to ask and learn from the brothers and sisters. I would also openly fellowship on any states I had, and everyone would patiently fellowship and help me, and after a while, the brothers and sisters all said I was improving quickly. During a work review, the supervisor said that although I was young, my caliber was quite good, that I was learning quickly in my work, and that I was a candidate for cultivating. She also instructed others to help and guide me more, so in this way, my progress would be even faster. Seeing the supervisor hold me in such high regard made me quite happy, but I also felt some pressure, “The supervisor has high hopes for me, so I’ve got to work hard from now on, strive to get the hang of things quickly and become able to produce videos independently. I can’t expose too many problems like before, otherwise the brothers and sisters will definitely think I’m incapable and the supervisor won’t regard me as a candidate for cultivating anymore.” After that, when I encountered issues I didn’t understand while making videos, I was hesitant to ask. I thought, “If I keep asking questions, will the brothers and sisters wonder why even after practicing for a few months, I still have so many questions? Will the supervisor look down on me if she finds out? Wouldn’t that damage my image of having good caliber in others’ eyes? Forget it, I won’t ask any more, I’ll do my own research. This way, I’ll expose fewer shortcomings.” So I started to find tutorials by myself to study and tried various methods to solve problems. As a result, my progress in video production slowed down. One time, a sister noticed my progress in making a video was a bit slow, and asked if I was having any difficulties. The truth was, I really wanted to say that I was having difficulties, so I could just find a solution right away, save a lot of time, and avoid doing things the long way. But then I thought, “I’ve asked about this problem before. If I ask again, what will the sister think? Will she think I’m lacking in caliber and unable to remember the things that were taught before? Would she think I’m not worth cultivating? Forget it, the supervisor said I was of good caliber and a quick learner, and has a good impression of me, so I can’t let her see how inadequate I am.” So, I told the sister, “There are no problems for now, it’s just that I haven’t used this type of technology much before. If I practice with it a few more times, I’ll get the hang of it.” After hearing what I said she didn’t ask any more about it. Just like this, there were still some areas where I didn’t know what to do, but I preferred to study on my own and look for tutorials rather than ask my brothers and sisters. As a result, my video production progressed slowly and I wasn’t getting very good results.

Later, a sister bluntly said, “At first, I thought you were open and sincere. You used to talk openly about any problems you were having and ask questions. What’s changed? We can’t see your heart and don’t know what you’re thinking. We see your production progress is slow, but we don’t know where you’re stuck or how to help you. Have you reflected on these states?” I was well aware that the sister’s words were allowed by God, and that they were a reminder for me to reflect on myself, but I was afraid that if I opened up about my true state, everyone would see through me completely, so I continued to put up a facade. This situation lasted for two or three months, and while my state kept getting worse, my duties also became ineffective, and in the end, I was dismissed. The moment I heard the news of this, I felt very pained and distressed. I felt I’d been so foolish. I had disguised myself up to that point, never wanting others to see my deficiencies, but what had I gained? I’d grown distant from my brothers and sisters and they couldn’t see through me. And I made no progress in my duties and was even dismissed in the end. The more I thought about it, the more I regretted what I’d done, and I couldn’t help but shed tears. I asked myself, “It’s clear there were many things I didn’t understand or know how to do, so why didn’t I proactively seek and learn from others? My state clearly wasn’t good, so why wasn’t I willing to open up?” In my seeking, I came across a passage of God’s words: “People themselves are created beings. Can created beings achieve omnipotence? Can they achieve perfection and flawlessness? Can they achieve proficiency in everything, come to understand everything, see through everything, and be capable of everything? They cannot. However, within humans, there are corrupt dispositions, and a fatal weakness: As soon as they learn a skill or profession, people feel that they are capable, that they are people with status and worth, and that they are professionals. No matter how unexceptional they are, they all want to package themselves as some famous or exceptional individual, to turn themselves into some minor celebrity, and make people think they are perfect and flawless, without a single defect; in the eyes of others, they wish to become famous, powerful, or some great figure, and they want to become mighty, capable of anything, with nothing they cannot do. They feel that if they sought others’ help, they would appear incapable, weak, and inferior, and that people would look down on them. For this reason, they always want to keep up a front. Some people, when asked to do something, say they know how to do it, when they actually do not. Afterward, in secret, they look it up and try to learn how to do it, but after studying it for several days, they still do not understand how to do it. When asked how they are getting on with it, they say, ‘Soon, soon!’ But in their hearts, they’re thinking, ‘I’m not there yet, I have no idea, I don’t know what to do! I must not let the cat out of the bag, I must continue putting on a front, I can’t let people see my shortcomings and ignorance, I can’t let them look down on me!’ What problem is this? This is a living hell of trying to save face at all costs. What kind of disposition is this? Such people’s arrogance knows no bounds, they have lost all reason. They do not wish to be like everyone else, they don’t want to be ordinary people, normal people, but superhumans, exceptional individuals, or hotshots. This is such a huge problem! With regard to the weaknesses, shortcomings, ignorance, foolishness, and lack of understanding within normal humanity, they will wrap it all up, and not let other people see it, and then keep on disguising themselves. There are some who cannot see anything clearly, yet still claim they understand in their heart. When you ask them to explain it, they cannot. After someone else has explained it, they then claim that they were about to say the same thing but were unable to voice it in time. They do everything they can to disguise themselves and try to look good. What do you say, do such people not live with their heads in the clouds? Are they not dreaming? They do not know who they themselves are, nor do they know how to live out normal humanity. They have never once acted like practical human beings. If you pass your days with your head in the clouds, muddling through, not doing anything with your feet on the ground, always living by your own imagination, then this is trouble. The path in life you choose is not right. If you do this, then no matter how you believe in God, you will not understand the truth, nor will you be able to obtain the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). Contemplating God’s words, I felt that I was just in the state of what God exposed. I always wanted to be superior, like I was superhuman, so I always disguised myself when revealing my corruption or encountering problems I didn’t understand. It’s hard for such people to gain the truth. Reflecting on when I first started making videos, I didn’t understand anything and felt no pressure, so I was willing to seek and learn from others when faced with problems and difficulties. By practicing like this, I felt I gained a lot and progressed quickly. But later, when I heard the supervisor say I had good caliber and was a potential person of talent to be cultivated, I unconsciously placed myself among the key individuals to be cultivated within the church. I felt that the supervisor had a good opinion of me and valued me, so I felt the need to protect my image and not expose too many shortcomings, otherwise, people would see through me and look down on me. I always carefully protected my status and image in others’ eyes, and even when I encountered problems and difficulties in video production that I didn’t know how to resolve, I didn’t have the courage to ask, as I was afraid that exposing my shortcomings would lead others to no longer regard me highly or value me. My desire for fame, gain, and status was so strong! I lived in a state of disguising myself, resulting in me having no progress in video production being made for several months, and I ultimately lost the opportunity to produce videos. I was so foolish! Thinking back to when I first practiced making videos, it was normal to have deficiencies and shortcomings, and moreover, it was impossible for me to handle tasks on my own, so I needed to ask more, cooperate with and learn more from my brothers and sisters. Only by doing so could I make continual progress. If I could have set aside my pride, and actively sought and learned from my brothers and sisters, I wouldn’t have been dismissed for constantly being ineffective in my duties. Upon realizing this, I felt that this dismissal was entirely due to the righteousness of God.

Afterward, I wondered, “Why do I always disguise myself?” Later, I came across a passage of God’s words that helped me see my state more clearly. God says: “When someone is elected to be a leader by the brothers and sisters, or is promoted by the house of God to do a certain piece of work or perform a certain duty, this does not mean that they have a special status or position, or that the truths they understand are deeper and more numerous than those of other people—much less that this person is able to submit to God, and will not betray Him. Certainly, it does not mean, either, that they know God, and are someone who fears God. They have attained none of this, in fact. The promotion and cultivation is merely promotion and cultivation in the straightforward sense, and is not equivalent to them having been predestined and approved of by God. Their promotion and cultivation simply means they have been promoted, and await cultivation. And the ultimate outcome of this cultivation depends on whether this person pursues the truth, and on whether they are capable of choosing the path of pursuing the truth. Thus, when someone in the church is promoted and cultivated to be a leader, they are merely promoted and cultivated in the straightforward sense; it does not mean that they are already up to standard and competent as a leader, that they are already capable of undertaking leadership work, and can do real work—that is not the case. Most people cannot see through to these things, and based on their own imaginings they look up to those who have been promoted. This is a mistake. No matter how many years they have believed in God for, do those who are promoted really possess the truth reality? Not necessarily. Are they able to implement the work arrangements of the house of God? Not necessarily. Do they have a sense of responsibility? Are they loyal? Are they able to submit? When they encounter an issue, are they able to seek the truth? All of this is unknown. Do these people have God-fearing hearts? And just how great are their God-fearing hearts? Are they able to avoid following their own will when they do things? Are they able to seek God? During the time that they perform leadership work, are they able to frequently come before God to seek the intentions of God? Are they able to lead people into the truth reality? They are certainly incapable of such things. They haven’t received training and they haven’t had enough experiences, so they are incapable of these things. This is why promoting and cultivating someone doesn’t mean they already understand the truth, nor is it saying that they are already capable of doing their duty in a way that is up to standard. So what is the aim and significance of promoting and cultivating someone? It is that this person is promoted, as an individual, in order for them to practice, and in order for them to be specially watered and trained, thus enabling them to understand the truth principles, and the principles, means, and methods of doing different things and solving various problems, as well as how to handle and deal with the various types of environments and people they encounter in accordance with God’s intentions, and in a way that protects the interests of the house of God” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). Before, I had always thought that since I was someone who was promoted and cultivated in the church, I was sure to be better and more capable than others, and that I had to do everything well and couldn’t make too many mistakes, so I could show that I was different from everyone else. Especially when I saw the brothers and sisters around me who were good at their skills and tasks, and that the videos they made were of high quality and produced efficiently, I felt a lot of pressure, and I always strove to reach their level or surpass them so I could show that I had good caliber and was worth cultivating. So when I encountered problems I didn’t understand, I kept concealing and disguising myself, fearing that my shortcomings would be seen by the brothers and sisters, and that I wouldn’t be able to maintain my image of having “good caliber.” In truth, the supervisor arranged for me to make videos simply because I had some strengths in video production. It didn’t mean I was better than others, or that I’d mastered the skills needed for the job. But I couldn’t face my shortcomings and put myself on a pedestal. This was my misunderstanding toward being promoted and cultivated, and also a sign of my lack of self-awareness. Now I understood that being promoted wasn’t a capital, nor did it prove I was competent to take on a duty, and I knew I couldn’t keep disguising myself based on this fallacious perspective. If I could do something, then I should say I could. If I couldn’t, then I should say I couldn’t. I needed to open up to the brothers and sisters and practice being an honest person. That’s what aligns with God’s intentions. After that, I opened up about my state over the past few months to the brothers and sisters, and after speaking, I felt truly relieved and free.

Later, the leader arranged for me to do design work. At first, I didn’t grasp the principles of design work, and the images I made had many problems. I wanted to bring up the problems and difficulties I was having in my design work to seek solutions together with everyone. At this point, a sister said to everyone that I had previously made videos in the church, had good mental caliber, and that I was a quick learner, and after she said that, the other brothers and sisters all looked at me. Her words implied that it was impressive for someone so young to be able to make videos. I felt my face burning, as I was the only one who knew that I had been dismissed before simply because I hadn’t made much progress in video production. But now everyone thought I could make videos and had potential, and they thought highly of me. Unconsciously, my disposition began to reveal itself again, as I thought, “The questions I wanted to ask are probably simple to them, will they look down on me if I bring them up? Maybe I should just figure them out on my own.” With this in my mind, I didn’t ask any questions. Later, I felt quite regretful, wondering, “Why did I conceal and disguise myself again? What was the real reason behind this?” In my seeking, I read God’s words: “What kind of disposition is it when people always put up a front, always whitewash themselves, always put on airs so that others think highly of them, and cannot see their faults or shortcomings, when they always try to present their best side to people? This is arrogance, fakery, hypocrisy, it is the disposition of Satan, it is something wicked. Take members of the satanic regime: No matter how much they fight, feud, or kill in the dark, no one is allowed to report or expose them. They are afraid that people will see their demonic face, and they do everything they can to cover it up. In public, they do their utmost to whitewash themselves, saying how much they love the people, how great, glorious and infallible they are. This is the nature of Satan. The most prominent feature of Satan’s nature is trickery and deception. And what is the aim of this trickery and deception? To hoodwink people, to stop them from seeing its essence and true colors, and thus achieve the aim of prolonging its rule. Ordinary people may lack such power and status, but they, too, wish to make others hold a favorable view of them, and for people to have a high estimation of them, and elevate them to a high status in their hearts. This is a corrupt disposition, and if people do not understand the truth, they are incapable of recognizing this. … Making mistakes or disguising oneself: which of these relates to disposition? Disguising is a matter of disposition, it involves an arrogant disposition, wickedness, and deceitfulness; it is especially loathed by God. In fact, when you disguise yourself, everyone understands what is happening, but you think others do not see it, and you try your best to argue and justify yourself in an effort to save face and make everyone think you did nothing wrong. Is this not stupid? What do others think about this? How do they feel? Sick and loathing. If, having made a mistake, you can treat it correctly, and can allow everyone else to talk about it, permitting their commentary and discernment about it, and you can open up about it and dissect it, what will everyone’s opinion of you be? They will say you are an honest person, for your heart is open to God. Through your actions and behavior, they will be able to see your heart. But if you try to disguise yourself and deceive everyone, people will think little of you, and say you are a fool and an unwise person. If you do not try to put on a pretense or justify yourself, if you can admit your mistakes, everyone will say you are honest and wise. And what makes you wise? Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has faults and flaws. And actually, everyone has the same corrupt disposition. Do not think yourself more noble, perfect, and kind than others; that is being utterly unreasonable. Once people’s corrupt dispositions and the essence and true face of their corruption are clear to you, you will not try to cover up your own mistakes, nor will you hold other people’s mistakes against them—you will be able to face both correctly. Only then will you become insightful and not do foolish things, which will make you wise. Those who are not wise are foolish people, and they always dwell on their minor mistakes while sneaking around behind the scenes. It is disgusting to witness. In fact, what you are doing is immediately obvious to other people, yet you are still blatantly putting on a show. To others, it has the appearance of a clownish performance. Is this not foolish? It really is. Foolish people do not have any wisdom. No matter how many sermons they hear, they still do not understand the truth or see anything for what it really is. They never get off their high horse, thinking they are different from everyone else and more respectable; this is arrogance and self-righteousness, this is foolishness. Fools do not have spiritual understanding, do they? The matters in which you are foolish and unwise are the matters in which you have no spiritual understanding, and cannot easily understand the truth. This is the reality of the matter” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). From God’s words, I understood that I involuntarily kept concealing and disguising myself mainly because my desire for fame, gain, and status was so strong, and my disposition was really arrogant. No matter where I went or where I did my duty, I always wanted to establish myself and have others think well of me and have a good opinion of me, so I’d use various tricks to cover up my deficiencies and maintain a good image in people’s hearts. Thinking back to when I was making videos, it was because I disguised myself and was unwilling to seek, that I didn’t do my duty well and was eventually dismissed. This time, when I heard someone say I had good caliber and potential, and that they thought highly of me, I couldn’t help but put myself on a pedestal again and wanted to disguise myself once more. If I carried on like this, I still couldn’t do my duty well or make any progress. Thinking about it, I really didn’t understand much and lacked a lot in many areas, but I still put up a facade to make others think highly of me and to protect my status and image in the hearts of my brothers and sisters. I was truly so hypocritical and deceitful! I am just a created being, so I should keep to my place and stand in my proper position, and no matter my skill level or what I lack, I should be open about it, seek the help of brothers and sisters to make up for my shortcomings, and work in harmonious cooperation with them. This is the reason I should have, and it’s also how I should actively do my duty well and protect the church’s work. But when I clearly didn’t know and couldn’t do anything, I still acted like I did. I was so arrogant, shameful, and hypocritical, and had no self-awareness! I thought about the Pharisees in Judaism. They appeared devout, even praying at the crossroads, but they did it to be seen by others, to mislead people and to ensnare their hearts. They believed in God but resisted Him and they were condemned and cursed by God. I was the same, and was walking the same path as the Pharisees. If I didn’t repent and change, I’d be in great danger, and sooner or later, I’d also be revealed and eliminated by God. Realizing this, I felt a bit afraid, and I wanted to quickly amend my state and not carry on like this.

During my devotionals, I read another passage of God’s words: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words gave me a path of practice, which is that when I encounter things I don’t understand or can’t do, I should speak up promptly, and not hide anything from God or other people, but be open and honest. This way, I won’t be exhausted and will find it easier to gain the Holy Spirit’s work. God likes honest people, and having problems or deficiencies isn’t something to be afraid of. The key is to face our shortcomings and inadequacies correctly, and be simple, open, and actively seek. This is an honest attitude, and this pleases God. With this in mind, I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me out of my incorrect state and to be an honest person who is simple and open. Later, I brought up the problems and difficulties I’d encountered while making images, and sought from brothers and sisters. Through everyone’s communication, I gained a path and knew what to do, and my heart felt much more free and at ease.

Through this experience, I understood that disguising myself for the sake of reputation and status only brings pain. Not only does it cause me to achieve nothing in my duties and make no progress in life, but it also distances me from my brothers and sisters. There’s no benefit to me at all. Only by standing in the place of a created being and being open and honest with others, speaking my mind and not disguising myself or being deceptive, can I live at ease and freely.