By Zhou Yun, China

In May 2020, I was a leader in the church. I was partnered with Sister Chen Dan, and we were responsible for the work of the church. In order to facilitate following up on the work, the two of us worked together by dividing up our tasks. I was responsible for gospel work, while Chen Dan was responsible for watering work and cleansing work. At the time, due to the requirements of the work we had to find some more gospel workers and waterers. Chen Dan and I discussed the matter, and then separately went to find people and arrange the work. A few days later, Chen Dan came back from a gathering, and very excitedly said that she had arranged for some brothers and sisters of relatively good caliber to water newcomers. As soon as I heard this, I grew anxious. I thought, “If you have arranged for all of them to go and water newcomers, what will I do? I’m still short of people for the gospel work! Later on, your work will all have been arranged, and won’t my work end up falling behind? It looks like I also have to urgently find gospel workers and arrange the gospel work. Otherwise, if my work is not completed well, what will the upper-level leaders and my brothers and sisters think of me? Will they say that I haven’t been doing real work?” Therefore, when I gathered with my brothers and sisters afterward, I talked about gospel work and gospel work alone. I did not focus on fellowshipping about watering work. Only when the gathering was almost over would I mention it briefly in passing, though my heart was not in it. Even though I heard my brothers and sisters say that the watering work had run into some difficulties, I pretended not to hear, and I didn’t fellowship about it to resolve the problems. I thought to myself, “The watering work is Chen Dan’s responsibility. She should resolve these problems. As long as I do the work that I’m responsible for and do it well, that’s all that matters. I can’t concern myself too much with anything else.” When reporting our work, I saw that the waterers that Chen Dan had found were all of relatively good caliber, while my gospel workers were of average caliber. I felt a bit resistant, “The workers of good caliber have all been assigned to water newcomers, while the workers I have are all average. The results of my work will certainly be affected. Later on, if the results of the watering work are better than those of the gospel work, will I not seem inferior to Chen Dan? What will the leaders think of me?” When I thought of this, I grew very anxious, and wanted to find some more brothers and sisters of good caliber, who were bearing their burden in the performance of their duty, to preach the gospel. I thought of two sisters who had been watering newcomers. Previously, they had been reassigned due to not bearing their burden in the performance of their duties, and they were currently at home practicing spiritual devotionals and reflection. There was also a preacher who had previously been dismissed. Now, they had all gained some understanding of themselves, and they also all wanted to do duties, so I could arrange for them to go and preach the gospel. Then, it occurred to me that there was a shortage of waterers, because a lot of newcomers had joined the church recently. In several churches, there wasn’t anyone who could water the newcomers, and so it was more appropriate to arrange for them to water newcomers. But on second thought, “If they all go and water the newcomers, I’ll still be short-handed for my gospel work. Later, if the results of my work don’t improve, won’t I appear to lack work capability? What will the upper-level leaders think of me? Moreover, preaching the gospel is also very important right now. If there aren’t enough people to preach the gospel, that will not do either.” When I thought this, I urgently arranged for the three sisters to preach the gospel straight away. Later, some newcomers were not watered in time due to the shortage of waterers, and a dozen or so newcomers left the church. Chen Dan was anxious and worried because of this, and her state was very despondent. I also inwardly reproached myself. I felt that I had been irresponsible with regard to the work, and had not shown any love to Chen Dan. If Chen Dan and I had been able to assign people with one accord and work in cooperation, the newcomers wouldn’t have left because they weren’t watered in time, and Chen Dan wouldn’t have become this despondent. But then I also thought, “The watering work is Chen Dan’s responsibility—it isn’t my primary responsibility. As long as I attend to my own work, that’s all that matters.” In this way, I didn’t get anxious or worried about the problems that occurred in the watering work.

One day, a letter from the upper-level leaders arrived, urging progress in the church’s cleansing work. I could see that because Chen Dan wasn’t in good health and was busy with other work, she had never been able to follow up with or implement the cleansing work. I thought to myself, “If this work isn’t implemented right away, then won’t it be delayed? Maybe I should follow up on it and implement it.” But then I changed my mind, “The cleansing work is Chen Dan’s responsibility. Even if I do it well, it won’t be seen as my own contribution. Also, the gospel work is very hectic right now. If I go and follow up on the cleansing work, what if that delays the gospel work and the upper-level leaders prune me?” When I considered this, I didn’t want to go anymore. That night, my head suddenly started aching, as if it was about to explode. I realized that maybe this was God’s discipline of me because I was too selfish and didn’t want to bother with the cleansing work. I hurriedly prayed to God in repentance, “Dear God, I know that the cleansing work cannot be delayed, but because the work is Chen Dan’s responsibility, I don’t want to get involved. I am just too selfish and vile! I am willing to rebel against my flesh to follow up on and implement the cleansing work as quickly as possible.”

The next morning, my head was still aching terribly. I forced myself to finish implementing the cleansing work, and my head gradually stopped hurting. When I came back, I reflected on myself. I read these words of God: “In the house of God, all those who pursue the truth are united before God, not divided. They all work toward a common goal: fulfilling their duty, doing the work that falls to them, acting according to the truth principles, doing as God requires, and satisfying His intentions. If your goal is not for the sake of this, but for your own sake, for the sake of satisfying your selfish desires, then that is the revelation of a corrupt satanic disposition. In God’s house, duties are done according to the truth principles, while nonbelievers’ actions are governed by their satanic dispositions. These are two very different paths. Nonbelievers harbor their own schemes, each of them has their own aims and plans, and everyone lives for their own interests. That is why they all scramble for their own benefit and are unwilling to give up an inch of what they gain. They are divided, not united, because they are not out for a common goal. The intention and nature behind what they do is the same. They are all out for themselves. There is no truth that reigns in that; what does reign and is in charge in that is a corrupt satanic disposition. They are controlled by their corrupt satanic disposition and cannot help themselves, and so they fall deeper and deeper into sin. In God’s house, if the principles, methods, motivation, and starting point of your actions were no different from those of the nonbelievers, if you were also toyed with, controlled, and manipulated by a corrupt satanic disposition, and if the starting point of your actions were your own interests, reputation, pride, and status, then you would perform your duty no differently from the way nonbelievers do things” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I realized that people who truly believe in God and pursue the truth are able to seek the truth and act according to principles. When partnering with other people to do duty, they do not have any personal selfishness or desires. Everything they do, they do in order to do their duty well and satisfy God. In contrast, nonbelievers live by their satanic disposition. They do things merely to protect their own interests, and harbor their own schemes when working with others. They vie for fame and profit, engage in jealousy and strife, and are unscrupulous in attaining their personal aims, exploiting and cheating each other. I compared God’s words to my own state. I knew well that there was a shortage of waterers, and there was nobody to water some of the newcomers, and knew well that Chen Dan was anxious and worried because of this. However, in order to protect my own reputation and status, I forcibly arranged for people who were good at watering newcomers to go and preach the gospel. This resulted in some newcomers leaving because they were not watered in time, thus harming the watering work. I clearly knew that Chen Dan was not in good health and she did not promptly follow up on and implement the cleansing work, and that I should implement this task as quickly as possible. However, I was afraid that expending care and thought on this task would impede the gospel work, and that if later the results of the gospel work worsened, I would look bad. Therefore, I watched as the cleansing work was delayed rather than getting involved. Looking back at my actions, they truly were not any different from those of nonbelievers. Nonbelievers act wholly according to Satan’s philosophy for worldly dealings. They are especially selfish and vile. They only worry about their own interests and simply do not care if others live or die. Although I was technically a believer, I spoke and acted exactly like a nonbeliever. Everything I did was about scheming for my own interests. I cared only about protecting my own reputation and status. I looked after the work I was responsible for while paying absolutely no heed to other work, and did not consider the overall work of the church at all. I stood by and watched the work of the church be harmed without feeling anything. I really was too selfish and vile! Did I show the smallest hint of humanity or reason in all this? Was doing my duty like this in accordance with God’s intentions?

Later, I tackled my state by eating and drinking the relevant words of God. I read these words of God: “Antichrists have no conscience, reason, or humanity. Not only are they heedless of shame, but they have another hallmark, too: They are uncommonly selfish and vile. The literal sense of their ‘selfishness and vileness’ is not hard to grasp: They are blind to anything but their own interests. Anything concerning their own interests gets their full attention, and they will suffer for it, pay a price, engross themselves in it, and devote themselves to it. Anything not related to their own interests they will turn a blind eye to and take no notice of; others can do as they please—antichrists don’t care if anyone is being disruptive or disturbing, and to them, this has nothing to do with them. Put tactfully, they mind their own business. But it is more accurate to say that this kind of person is vile, base, and sordid; we define them as ‘selfish and vile.’ … Regardless of what work they undertake, antichrists never give any thought to the interests of the house of God. They only consider whether their own interests will be affected, only think about the little bit of work in front of them that benefits them. For them, the primary work of the church is just something they do in their spare time. They don’t take it seriously at all. They only move when they’re prodded into action, only do what they like to do, and only do work that is for the sake of maintaining their own status and power. In their eyes, any work arranged by God’s house, the work of spreading the gospel, and the life entry of God’s chosen people are not important. No matter what difficulties other people have in their work, what issues they have identified and reported to them, how sincere their words are, the antichrists pay no heed, they do not get involved, it’s as if this has nothing to do with them. No matter how major the problems emerging in the church’s work are, they are utterly indifferent. Even when a problem is right in front of them, they only address it perfunctorily. Only when they are directly pruned by the Above and ordered to sort out a problem will they grudgingly do a little real work and give the Above something to see; soon after, they will continue with their own business. When it comes to the work of the church, to the important things of the wider context, they are disinterested in and disregard these things. They even ignore the problems they discover, and they give perfunctory answers or hem and haw when asked about problems, only addressing them with great reluctance. This is the manifestation of selfishness and vileness, is it not? What’s more, no matter what duty antichrists are doing, all they think about is whether it will allow them to step into the limelight; as long as it will boost their reputation, they rack their brains to come up with a way to learn how to do it, to carry it out; all they care about is whether it will set them apart. No matter what they do or think, they are only concerned with their own fame, gain, and status. No matter what duty they are doing, they only compete over who is higher or lower, who wins and who loses, who has the bigger reputation. They only care about how many people worship and look up to them, how many people obey them, and how many followers they have. They never fellowship the truth or solve real problems. They never consider how to do things according to principle when doing their duty, nor do they reflect on whether they have been loyal, have fulfilled their responsibilities, whether there have been deviations or oversights in their work, or if any problems exist, much less do they give thought to what God asks, and what God’s intentions are. They pay not the slightest attention to all these things. They only put their head down and do things for the sake of fame, gain, and status, to satisfy their own ambitions and desires. This is the manifestation of selfishness and vileness, is it not? This fully exposes how their hearts brim with their own ambitions, desires, and senseless demands; everything they do is governed by their ambitions and desires. No matter what they do, the motivation and source is their own ambitions, desires, and senseless demands. This is the archetypal manifestation of selfishness and vileness” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Four: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part One)). After I had read the words of God, I realized that antichrists are selfish and vile, and lack conscience and reason. No matter how they sacrifice and expend themselves in their belief in God and performance of their duty, they only pay a price for their own reputation and status, not protecting the work of the church at all. Thinking of my own manifestations, were they not the same as those of antichrists? In order to win the admiration from the leaders, I compared the results of my duty with those of Chen Dan’s duty at every turn. In order to improve the results of my work and protect my own reputation and status, even when I knew well that there was a shortage of waterers, I stifled my conscience and went against principles, arranging for people who were good at watering newcomers to go and preach the gospel. I trapped people under my own authority so they could serve my reputation and status, and did not consider the overall work of the church at all. This resulted in some newcomers leaving because they were not watered in time. Moreover, for a long time I watched the church’s cleansing work sit there without being followed up or implemented, unwilling to expend even the slightest bit of concern to ask about it. I truly was selfish, avaricious, vile, and malicious, devoid of even a sliver of conscience or reason. The brothers and sisters elected me to be a leader, so I should show consideration for God’s intentions, and protect the work of the church in unity of heart and mind with the brothers and sisters, so that we could bring more people into the house of God to accept God’s salvation. However, I was living by Satan’s philosophy for worldly dealings at every turn, following poisons like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and “Aim to stand out and excel.” In everything I did, my principle was to do it for myself, for my own benefit. All I did was scheme for my own interests and protect my reputation and status. Even though I saw newcomers leave, the work of the church come to harm, and the negative state of Chen Dan, the sister I was partnered with, I remained unmoved. I was so cold and heartless! Looking at how my manifestations revealed the disposition of antichrists, I saw I really was walking the path of antichrists! When I understood this, I was filled with regret, and I hated myself. I prayed to God in repentance, and I was willing to seek the truth to resolve my own corrupt disposition.

During my spiritual devotionals, I read these words of God: “God has done such a great job of expressing the truth and saving people, and put all His painstaking effort into it. God takes this most just cause so seriously; all His painstaking effort has been exerted for these people whom He wants to save, all of His expectations are also placed on these people, and the final results and glory that He wants to obtain from His 6,000-year management plan will all be realized on these people. If someone enters into rivalry against God, opposes, disturbs, or destroys the result of this cause, will God forgive them? (No.) Does this offend God’s disposition? If you keep saying that you follow God, pursue salvation, accept God’s scrutiny and guidance, and accept and submit to God’s judgment and chastisement, but all the while you are saying these words, you are nevertheless disrupting, disturbing, and destroying the church’s various work, and because of your disturbance, disruption, and destruction, because of your negligence or dereliction of duty, or because of your selfish desires and for the sake of pursuing your own interests, the interests of God’s house, the church’s interests, and a multitude of other aspects have been harmed, even to the point that the work of God’s house has been seriously disturbed and destroyed, how, then, should God weigh up your outcome in your book of life? How should you be labeled? In all fairness, you should be punished. This is called getting your just deserts. What do you understand now? What are people’s interests? (They are wicked.) People’s interests are actually all their extravagant desires. To put it bluntly, they are all temptations, they are all falsehoods, and they are all bait used by Satan to tempt people. Pursuing fame, gain, and status, and pursuing one’s own interests—this is cooperating with Satan in doing evil, and it is opposing God. In order to hinder God’s work, Satan raises up various environments to tempt, disturb, and mislead people, and to prevent people from following God, and to prevent them from being able to submit to God. Instead, they cooperate with Satan and follow it, deliberately rising up to disturb and destroy God’s work. No matter how much God fellowships on the truth, they still don’t come to their senses. No matter how much God’s house prunes them, they still don’t accept the truth. They don’t submit to God at all, instead they insist on having things their own way and doing as they please. As a result, they disturb and destroy the church’s work, seriously affect the progress of the church’s various work, and cause enormous harm to the life entry of God’s chosen people. This sin is too great, and such people will certainly be punished by God” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). After reading God’s words, I felt that the disposition of God does not tolerate being offended by man. God has put all his painstaking effort into saving and gaining a group of people. If we do our duty in order to maintain our own interests, and so harm the work of the church, this is just acting as a servant of Satan to destroy and dismantle. It is doing evil and resisting God. This type of person will be condemned and punished by God. I thought, what role did I play in the performance of my duty? As a leader of the church, not only did I fail to take the lead in protecting the work of the church, but I took advantage of the opportunity presented by doing my duty to seek reputation and status, and to fight with people for reputation and benefits. This disrupted and disturbed the work of the church. Chen Dan and I were partnered together to do the work of the church. I should have monitored and protected all the tasks of the church, so that the work of the church progressed smoothly. These were the duties of my role, and a responsibility I was honor-bound not to shirk. We divided responsibility for the work in order to improve the efficiency of our work and work better, but this did not mean that I had no responsibility for the work that was my sister’s responsibility: I could not shirk my responsibility if problems occurred in any of the church’s tasks. However, I was selfish and avaricious. When we divided up our tasks, I didn’t work with my sister as a team. I arranged people’s duties in a way contrary to principles in order to protect my own reputation and status. This resulted in newcomers leaving due to a lack of watering, and greatly harmed the work of the church. In addition, the house of God repeatedly required that the cleansing work be completed as soon as possible, to clear out and expel disbelievers, evil people, and antichrists from the church. In this way, God’s chosen people could enjoy a good church life and have fast life growth. However, even though I saw that the cleansing work was not being followed up or implemented, I was not willing to get involved. Was not the nature of these actions allowing evil people and antichrists to remain in the church and continue doing evil and causing disturbances? Reflecting on the thoughts I revealed, and all that I had done, I realized none of it was to protect the work of the church or satisfy God. All of it was rebelling against God and resisting God, and all it brought to the work of the church was disruption and disturbance. I was playing the role of Satan in disturbing and dismantling the work of the church. I was in opposition to God! God’s disposition does not tolerate being offended by man. If I did not repent and change, then ultimately I would be condemned and punished by God. When I thought of this, I felt afraid about what I had done, and I prayed to God in repentance, “Dear God, in doing my duty, I only protected my personal reputation and status, and disturbed the work of the church. This truly incurred Your disgust and hatred. God, I am willing to repent, and cooperate harmoniously with Chen Dan to do our duties well with one accord.”

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and begin by contemplating whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been loyal, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things. If you think about them frequently and figure them out, it will be easier for you to perform your duty well. If you are of poor caliber, if your experience is shallow, or if you are not proficient in your professional work, then there may be some mistakes or deficiencies in your work, and you may not get good results—but you will have done your best. You do not satisfy your own selfish desires or preferences. Instead, you give constant consideration to the work of the church and the interests of the house of God. Though you may not achieve good results in your duty, your heart will have been set straight; if, on top of this, you can seek the truth to solve the problems in your duty, you will be up to standard in the performance of your duty, and, at the same time, you will be able to enter into the truth reality. This is what it means to possess testimony” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s words pointed out a path of practice to me. I understood that in doing duties, one needs to have the right intentions, let go of personal interests, and prioritize the work of the church and the interests of God’s chosen people. Only doing one’s duty in this way is practicing truth and bearing testimony. In the house of God, no work, in any regard, can be completed by any one person alone. Brothers and sisters always need to make up for each other’s shortcomings, work together harmoniously, and obtain the Holy Spirit’s work in order to complete the work well. I couldn’t continue to be so selfish and vile. I should work in partnership with my sister regardless of which work either of us was responsible for. Only by working in this way would it be in accordance with God’s intentions. Therefore, I opened up to Chen Dan and fellowshipped about my state and my understanding of myself. I also proposed that in the future, whichever work either of us was responsible for, we would both work in partnership, and if we encountered problems or difficulties, we would seek the truth to resolve them together. Chen Dan agreed happily. Later, Chen Dan and I reasonably arranged the workers in accordance with the needs of the work of the church. We reassigned two sisters who were good at watering to go and water newcomers. This alleviated the issue of the shortage of waterers.

From that time on, Chen Dan and I had divided our tasks, but we still worked as a team. Whichever work either of us was responsible for, we always fellowshipped about it and arranged it together. As for problems that we couldn’t see clearly, we prayed and sought together to find relevant truths to resolve them. Although sometimes I still found that my incorrect intentions might reveal themselves, I could consciously pray to God and practice truth. One night, I was planning to do the work I was responsible for, but, unexpectedly, Chen Dan mentioned that the watering team leader was in a bad state. She didn’t know how to resolve this, and wanted me to go to the gathering with her to help fellowship and resolve the problem. I thought to myself, “If I go to the gathering with you, then won’t my work be delayed? Moreover, if I help you resolve this problem, the results of your work will improve, and my work will fall behind. Won’t other people admire you then?” When I thought of this, I realized that my state was incorrect and hurriedly prayed to God in my heart. I thought of some of God’s words that I had read before: “Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). I immediately woke up. I must prioritize the work of the church, let go of personal interests, and fulfill my own duty. Then, I hurriedly went to the gathering with my sister. Through gathering and fellowship, we resolved the state of the watering team leader, and I felt peaceful and at ease in my heart.