49. How to Treat Our Family’s Kindness of Raising Us

By Chen Li, China

I was born in a county that was quite small with a relatively undeveloped economy. My parents and grandparents were all farmers, and our family conditions weren’t so good. However, they loved me very much, and they would always find ways to satisfy my wants. Later, I realized that all of that was earned through their frugality. Later on, my parents borrowed money to start a farming business to make a better life for me. I watched my parents working day and night every day, wearing themselves out to the point of illnesses, so I urged them to stop. My dad said he didn’t actually want to do all this, but since I’d need to have my own life in the future, he wanted to save a bit more money for me, as he didn’t want me to suffer the same hardships he did. Hearing my dad’s words made me feel both heartbroken and grateful. Seeing all that my parents sacrificed for me, I felt I owed them so much. As for my grandparents, they were both in their seventies and getting increasingly frail, but even so, they were reluctant to spend on food and clothing, and when sick, they were unwilling to go to the hospital, fearing extra expenses. Later, my grandmother told me that she had saved some money over the years for me. Hearing this made me feel uneasy. They were of such an old age, yet still chose to endure hardship to save money for my sake. Faced with my parents’ and grandparents’ kindness toward me, I felt there was no way I could repay them. I told myself in my heart that when I grew up, I would take good care of them and honor them.

By 2012, my mom preached Almighty God’s work of the last days to me, and I began attending gatherings and doing my duties. Unexpectedly, in the autumn of 2018, my dad suffered a stroke and passed away. I felt immense pain and guilt, believing that my father had worked so hard to earn money for me, and that if he hadn’t worked day and night, he might not have worn out his body and suffered the stroke. I thought, “My father worked hard at physical labor all his life, yet he left without seeing me repay his kindness. Now, my grandparents, in their seventies, are still living frugally, and haven’t enjoyed the benefits from their descendants. With my father gone, I have to take on the responsibility of caring for them, and allow them to enjoy their later years in peace. This way, I’ll have no regrets.” Later, my mom went to another place to do her duties, and I stayed at home to care for my grandparents. I always tried every possible way to make good food for them and buy them nice clothes, and when they were unwell, I sought medical help wherever I could, hoping to keep them healthy. One day, my grandfather suddenly had difficulty breathing, and after a hospital check-up, the doctor said it was severe heart failure, and that he needed to be hospitalized immediately. The doctor also told me to prepare myself mentally, saying he was in a critical period and that his life could be in jeopardy at any time, and that even if he survived this critical period, his heart function would continue to decline. With good care, he might live for another two years. Hearing the doctor say this, I felt very guilty, thinking it was my failure to care for my grandfather that had led to his severe condition. Especially when I heard the doctor say that he might only live for two more years with good care, I began to cherish this short time even more, thinking I had to take good care of my grandfather from now on, fighting to help him live a year or two longer. Later, after some treatment, my grandfather’s condition improved a bit, and we left the hospital and returned home.

In May 2023, I suddenly received a letter from the leaders, saying that a task urgently needed someone to attend to it and that I was suited for it, and they were asking if I could leave home to do this duty. Seeing this letter, I knew I should choose my duty, but when I thought about my grandparents’ poor health, and about how there was no one to care for them, I couldn’t feel at ease. In the end, I refused the duty, but I felt uneasy inside. Later, I read two passages of God’s words: “Where is your devotion? Where is your submission? … Abraham offered up Isaac—what have you offered up? Job offered up everything—what have you offered up? So many people have sacrificed themselves, laying down their lives and shedding blood, in order to seek the true way. Have you paid that price?(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Significance of Saving the Descendants of Moab). “What I desire is your loyalty and submission now, your love and testimony now. Even if you do not know at this moment what testimony is or what love is, you should bring to Me your all, and turn over to Me the only treasures you have: your loyalty and submission. You should know that the testimony to My defeat of Satan lies within the loyalty and submission of man, as does the testimony to My complete conquest of man. The duty of your faith in Me is to bear witness to Me, to be loyal to Me and none other, and to be submissive to the end. Before I begin the next step of My work, how will you bear witness to Me? How will you be loyal and submissive to Me? Do you devote all your loyalty to your function, or will you simply give up? Would you rather submit to My every arrangement (even if it be death or destruction), or flee midway to avoid My chastisement?(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). Facing God’s reproachful questions, I felt deeply pained. When Job faced trials, he lost his vast wealth and all his children, and his entire body was covered in painful sores, yet Job didn’t complain at all but praised God’s name instead. Job had true faith in and genuine submission to God. There’s also Abraham, who obeyed God’s command, offering his only son Isaac on the altar and raising the knife. Abraham also had true submission to God. Seeing that Job and Abraham could offer everything to God, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I had believed in God for over ten years, enjoying much watering and sustenance from God’s words, yet I had never thought of repaying God, only knowing to enjoy God’s grace and blessings. When the church gave me opportunities to do my duty, I even made excuses to shirk it. My humanity was truly lacking! Now the church’s work urgently needed cooperation, and I couldn’t continue to live selfishly and despicably in my affection. I had to do my duty and live for God once. So I left home to do my duty.

But what I didn’t expect was that just two months after I left home to do my duty, the church leaders informed me that the person I did the duty with had been arrested and had betrayed me as a Judas, and that several of my believing relatives had also been arrested by the police. More than ten police officers went to my home to arrest my mother and me, our food and money were taken by the police, and the police began to hunt me. I also learned that my grandfather had been hospitalized shortly after I left. Hearing this, I felt really distressed. I thought of how the police had raided our home and turned the place upside down, and how my grandparents must have been terrified. At their age, they should have been enjoying their later years and with someone to rely on, but they had been roped into this ordeal because of me. The more I thought about it, the more guilt I felt for them, and my state worsened. I even thought about secretly going back home to care for them. In my pain, I prayed to God, “God! I feel a bit weak in this situation. Please guide and help me out of this wrong state.”

After praying, I consciously sought out God’s words on this. I read some of God’s words: “There is a saying in the world of nonbelievers: ‘Crows repay their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneel to receive milk from their mothers.’ There’s also this saying: ‘An unfilial person is lower than a beast.’ How grandiose these sayings sound! Actually, the phenomena that the first saying mentions, crows repaying their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneeling to receive milk from their mothers, really do exist, these are facts. However, they are simply phenomena within the animal world. They are merely a kind of law that God has established for various living creatures, and by which all kinds of living creatures, including humans, abide. The fact that all kinds of living creatures abide by this law further demonstrates that all living creatures are created by God. No living creature can break this law, and no living creature can transcend it. Even relatively ferocious carnivores like lions and tigers nurture their offspring and do not bite them before they reach adulthood. This is an animal instinct. No matter which species they are, whether they are ferocious or kind and gentle, all animals possess this instinct. All kinds of creatures, including humans, can only continue to multiply and survive by abiding by this instinct and this law. If they didn’t abide by this law, or didn’t have this law and this instinct, they wouldn’t be able to multiply and survive. The biological chain wouldn’t exist, and neither would this world. Isn’t that true? (Yes.) Crows repaying their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneeling to receive milk from their mothers demonstrates precisely that the animal world abides by this kind of law. All kinds of living creatures have this instinct. Once offspring are born, they are cared for and nurtured by the females or males of the species until they become adults. All kinds of living creatures are able to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations to their offspring, conscientiously and dutifully raising the next generation. This should be even more the case for humans. Humans are called higher animals by mankind—if they cannot abide by this law, and lack this instinct, then humans are lower than animals, aren’t they? Therefore, no matter how much your parents nurtured you while they were raising you, and how much they fulfilled their responsibility to you, they were only doing what they ought to within the scope of the abilities of a created human—it was their instinct. … All kinds of living creatures and animals possess these instincts and laws, and they abide by them very well, carrying them out to perfection. This is something that no person can destroy. There are also some special animals, like tigers and lions. When these animals reach adulthood, they leave their parents, and some males even become rivals, biting, contending, and fighting as necessary. This is normal, it is a law. They are not governed by their feelings, and they do not live amid their feelings like people do, saying: ‘I have to repay their kindness, I have to recompense them—I have to obey my parents. If I don’t show filial piety to them, other people will condemn me, berate me, and criticize me behind my back. I couldn’t bear that!’ Such things are not said in the animal world. Why do people say such things? Because in society and within groups of people, there are various incorrect ideas and consensuses. After people have been influenced, corroded, and rotted by these things, different ways of interpreting and dealing with the parent-child relationship arise within them, and they ultimately treat their parents as their creditors—creditors that they will never be able to repay their whole lives. There are even some people who feel guilty for their whole lives after their parents die, and think themselves unworthy of their parents’ kindness, because of one thing they did that didn’t make their parents happy or didn’t go the way their parents wanted it to. Tell Me, is this not excessive? People live amid their feelings, so they can only be encroached upon and disturbed by various ideas stemming from these feelings. People live in an environment that is colored by the ideology of corrupt mankind, so they are encroached upon and disturbed by various fallacious ideas, which makes their lives exhausting and less simple than those of other living creatures. However, right now, because God is working, and because He is expressing the truth to tell people the truth of all these facts, and to enable them to understand the truth, after you come to understand the truth, these fallacious ideas and views will no longer burden you, and they will no longer serve as a guide for how you handle your relationship with your parents. At this point, your life will become more relaxed. Living a relaxed life does not mean that you will not know what your responsibilities and obligations are—you will still know these things. It just depends on which perspective and methods you choose to approach your responsibilities and obligations with. One path is to take the route of feelings, and to deal with these things based on emotional means, and the methods, ideas, and views that Satan guides man toward. The other path is to deal with these things based on the words that God has taught man. When people handle these matters according to Satan’s fallacious ideas and views, they can only live within the entanglements of their feelings, and they are never able to distinguish right from wrong. Under these circumstances, they have no choice but to live in a snare, always tangled up with matters such as, ‘You’re right, I’m wrong. You’ve given me more; I’ve given you less. You’re ungrateful. You’re out of line.’ Consequently, there is never a time when they speak clearly. However, after people understand the truth, and when they escape from their fallacious ideas and views, and from the web of feelings, these matters become simple to them(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). Contemplating God’s words, I understood that my parents and grandparents raising, caring for, and looking after me was just them fulfilling their responsibilities and obligations. They were following the laws and rules established by God, and this was also a human instinct. Just like all the creatures created by God, they were living according to the laws and rules set out by God. Whether an animal is ferocious or gentle, nurturing their offspring is both their instinct and their responsibility and obligation. Humans are the same. Yet I regarded my parents’ and grandparents’ upbringing and care for me as a kindness, and seeing I couldn’t repay their sacrifices and suffering, I always lived in guilt and self-blame. Now I understood that it was due to my having accepted so many fallacious ideas instilled by society, school, and family, such as “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else” and “Do not travel far while your parents yet live.” There was one saying that affected me deeply, which was, “The tree longs for stillness but the wind will never cease; the child wants to care for their parents, but their parents are no longer there.” These fallacious ideas took root deep in my heart and became my standard for comporting myself. After my father passed away due to illness, I always felt that my father worked hard all his life, but I couldn’t care for him in old age and do my filial duty while he was alive. So, to avoid regrets with my grandparents, I thought I had to shoulder the responsibility of caring for them to repay their kindness. When I couldn’t ensure they enjoyed their later years, I felt very unfilial and lived feeling indebted to them. The fallacious ideas instilled in me by Satan made me always think about repaying the kindness of my parents and grandparents, and even made me regard being filial to them as more important than doing the duties of a created being. I saw that these traditional cultural ideas are means by which Satan misleads and corrupts people, and that living by them only leads to opposing and betraying God.

Later, I came across a passage of God’s words, and learned how to judge filial and unfilial behavior. Almighty God says: “First of all, most people choose to leave home to perform their duties in part because of the overarching objective circumstances, which necessitate them leaving their parents; they cannot stay by their parents’ side to take care of them and accompany them. It’s not that they willingly choose to leave their parents; this is the objective reason. For another thing, subjectively speaking, you go out to perform your duties not because you wanted to leave your parents and escape your responsibilities, but because of God’s calling. In order to cooperate with God’s work, accept His calling, and perform the duties of a created being, you had no choice but to leave your parents; you could not stay by their side to accompany them and take care of them. You didn’t leave them to avoid responsibilities, right? Leaving them to avoid your responsibilities and having to leave them to answer God’s calling and perform your duties—aren’t these of two different natures? (Yes.) In your heart, you do have emotional attachments and thoughts for your parents; your feelings are not empty. If objective circumstances allow, and you are able to stay by their side while also performing your duties, then you would be willing to stay by their side, regularly taking care of them and fulfilling your responsibilities. But because of objective circumstances, you must leave them; you cannot remain at their side. It’s not that you don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities as their child, but that you can’t. Isn’t this different in nature? (Yes.) If you left home to avoid being filial and fulfilling your responsibilities, that is unfilial and lacks humanity. Your parents raised you, but you can’t wait to spread your wings and quickly go off on your own. You don’t want to see your parents, and you don’t pay any regard when you hear about some difficulty they’ve encountered. Even if you have the means to help, you don’t; you just pretend not to hear and let others say whatever they want about you—you simply don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities. This is being unfilial. But is this the case now? (No.) Many people have left their counties, cities, provinces, or even their countries to perform their duties; they are already far away from their hometowns. Furthermore, it’s not convenient for them to stay in touch with their families for various reasons. Occasionally, they inquire about their parents’ current situation from people who came from the same hometown and feel relieved when they hear that their parents are still healthy and getting by okay. In fact, you are not unfilial; you haven’t reached the point of lacking humanity, where you don’t even want to care about your parents or fulfill your responsibilities toward them. It’s because of various objective reasons that you have to make this choice, so you’re not unfilial(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). After reading God’s words, I felt enlightened. In the past, I always lived by the ideas of “Do not travel far while your parents yet live” and “Raise children to support you in old age.” I believed that since my parents and grandparents raised me, when they grew old, I should be by their side to care for and be filial to them, and if I couldn’t do that, it meant I was unfilial and lacking in humanity. Just like before, when I couldn’t be with my grandparents to care for them, my conscience was always condemning me, and I felt I owed them, guilty and as if I’d let them down. In reality, my inability to be with them and care for and be filial to them wasn’t due to my lack of desire to be filial or fulfill my responsibility, but rather because the objective circumstances made it impossible for me to do so. On one hand, I was busy with my duties, and on the other hand, the police were persecuting and hunting me, making it impossible for me to return home to care for my family. This wasn’t being unfilial. If I’d had the means but chose not to care for my grandparents, then that would have truly been unfilial and lacking in humanity.

One day, during my devotionals, I came across two passages of God’s words that brought me even more clarity. Almighty God says: “If you truly believe that everything is in God’s hands, then you should believe that the issue of how much hardship they suffer and how much happiness they enjoy throughout their lives is also in God’s hands. Whether or not you are filial will not change anything—your parents will not suffer less because you are filial, and they will not suffer more because you are not filial. God preordained their fate long ago, and none of this will change because of your attitude toward them or the depth of feeling between you. They have their own fate. Regardless of whether they are poor or rich their entire lives, whether or not things go smoothly for them, or what kind of quality of life, material benefits, social status, and living conditions they enjoy, none of this has much to do with you(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). “People being born, growing old, getting sick, dying, and encountering various great and small matters in life are very normal occurrences. If you are an adult, then you should have a mature way of thinking, and you should approach this matter calmly and correctly: ‘My parents are ill. Some people say that it’s because they missed me so much, is that possible? They definitely missed me—how could a person not miss their own child? I missed them too, so why didn’t I get sick?’ Does any person get sick because they miss their children? That’s not the case. So, what is going on when your parents encounter these significant matters? It can only be said that God has orchestrated this kind of matter in their lives. It has been orchestrated by God’s hand—you cannot focus on objective reasons and causes—your parents were supposed to encounter this matter when they reached this age, they were supposed to be struck with this illness. Could they have avoided it if you had been there? If God had not arranged for them to fall ill as part of their fates, then nothing would have happened to them, even if you hadn’t been with them. If they were destined to encounter this kind of great misfortune in their lives, what effect could you have had if you’d been by their side? They still wouldn’t have been able to avoid it, right? (Right.) Think about those people who don’t believe in God—aren’t their families all together, year after year? When those parents encounter great misfortune, the members of their extended family and their children are all with them, right? When parents fall ill, or when their illnesses worsen, is it because their children left them? That’s not the case, it is fated to happen(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). After reading God’s words, I understood that a person’s fate is in God’s hands. Birth and death, illness or good health, wealth or poverty, ups and downs, no person can control any of these. All of these things are determined by God’s sovereignty and ordination. In fact, even if I were to be by my parents’ and grandparents’ side, caring for and being filial to them in every possible way, it wouldn’t change their fate. They would still get sick if it was their time, and they would still pass away when their time came. Just like when my father suffered a stroke, I drove him to the hospital in just over ten minutes, but there was nothing the doctors could do, and in the end, I could only watch as my father passed on. Upon thinking, I always felt that my father’s death was due to his working hard to earn money for me, and I believed my grandparents’ poor health was due to malnutrition caused by their frugality. These thoughts came from my lack of belief in God’s sovereignty and ordination. I often professed that God is sovereign over everything, but when it really came down to it, I acted like a disbeliever. I simply didn’t believe that God holds sovereignty over people’s fates and decides their lives and fortunes. In what way did I have genuine faith in God? Having understood these things, I felt more at peace in my heart, and I became willing to entrust my grandparents into God’s hands, allowing God to take charge of everything concerning them.

Later, I came across two passages of God’s words: “God told people to honor their parents first, and afterward, God put forward higher requirements for people with regard to them practicing the truth, performing their duties, and following the way of God—which of these should you adhere to? (The higher requirements.) Is it right to practice according to the higher requirements? Can the truth be divided into higher and lower truths, or older and newer truths? (No.) So when you practice the truth, what should you practice according to? What does it mean to practice the truth? (Handling matters according to the principles.) Handling matters according to the principles is the most important thing. Practicing the truth means practicing God’s words in different times, places, environments, and contexts; it is not about obstinately applying rules to things, it is about upholding the truth principles. That is what it means to practice the truth. So, there is simply no conflict between practicing God’s words and abiding by the requirements put forward by God. To put it more concretely, there is no conflict at all between honoring your parents and completing the commission and duty that God has given you. Which of these are God’s current words and requirements? You should consider this question first. God demands different things of different people; He has distinct requirements for them. Those who serve as leaders and workers have been called by God, so they must renounce, and they cannot stay with their parents, honoring them. They should accept God’s commission and renounce everything to follow Him. That is one kind of situation. Regular followers have not been called upon by God, so they can stay with their parents and honor them. There are no rewards for doing this, and they will not gain any blessings as a result of it, but if they do not show filial piety, then they lack humanity. In fact, honoring one’s parents is just a kind of responsibility, and it falls short of the practice of the truth. It is submitting to God that is the practice of the truth, it is accepting God’s commission that is a manifestation of submission to God, and it is those who renounce everything to do their duties who are followers of God. In sum, the most important task that lies before you is to perform your duty well. That is the practice of the truth, and it is a manifestation of submission to God. So, what is the truth that people should primarily practice now? (Performing one’s duty.) That is right, loyally performing one’s duty is practicing the truth. If a person does not perform their duty sincerely, then they are just laboring(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (4)). “In the presence of the Creator, you are a created being. What you should do in this life is not just to fulfill your responsibilities to your parents, but to fulfill your responsibilities and duties as a created being. You can only fulfill your responsibilities to your parents on the basis of God’s words and the truth principles, not by doing anything for them based on your emotional needs or the needs of your conscience(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). After reading God’s words, I understood that being filial to parents is merely a responsibility people should fulfill, and that it’s not considered the practice of truth. Only forsaking everything to follow God, and doing one’s duty as a created being according to truth principles, is what is truly remembered by God. I thought of the Lord Jesus’ disciples, such as Peter, John, and James, who all forsook their families and left their parents to preach the Lord’s gospel. Although they didn’t fulfill the responsibility of being filial to their parents, everything they did served as testimony to God, and met with God’s approval. Today, I am fortunate to follow God, to eat and drink God’s words and understand the truth, so I should do my duty as a created being. Only this is my mission.

Although I sometimes still think of my grandparents, it no longer affects my state, because I know everything is in God’s hands. My grandparents have their own fates, and I have my own mission. I should do my duty well to satisfy God, and only this is how I can live a life of value and meaning.

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Next: 50. Why Am I So Selfish?

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